JENNIFER: What happened to me?
BANNER: I'm sorry. I tried to warn you. My blood got into your system.
JENNIFER: So I turn into a Hulk now too.
(GROWLS)
Who the hell are you?
-She-Hulk! She-Hulk! She-Hulk! -HOLLIWAY: Ms Walters?
We just started a Superhuman Law Division,
and I want the She-Hulk to be the face of it.
I can't wait to take on whatever case you assign me...
Your first case is the parole of Emil Blonsky. Also known as Abomination.
EMIL: Jennifer Walters.
I've already got a winning strategy, and it is 100% in the bag.
You might wanna take a look at the news right now.
After shocking footage leaked showing the Abomination
participating in what appears to be an underground fight club,
after having escaped from prison.
Do you wanna explain to me why you failed to mention
that you not only escaped from prison, but you were also recorded doing so?
You said to my face that you never turn into the Abomination anymore.
No, I said I choose not to.
You know, these were extenuating circumstances.
You understand that this constitutes another crime
and totally destroys your chances at parole?
What?
Nah, 'cause I was forced to leave my cell,
but I returned of my own free will.
Who forced you to escape this insanely high-security prison undetected?
A Sorcerer Supreme of the Mystic Arts, and his name is...
Wong. Just Wong.
And his Internet presence is a little chaotic.
He's either a sorcerer who lives in New York,
or a librarian who lives in Nepal.
Can you get to him?
Yes, Jen. It's me. Of course I can get to him.
I sent a thirst trap. It was a picture of me with a bunch of books.
Yeah, well, let's just hope he calls back.
If Blonsky's telling the truth,
this guy busted him out of his prison cell and probably ruined my entire case.
I know you can't wait to see Wong. I get it.
I wanna make sure that you don't think
this is one of those cameo every week type of shows. It's not.
Well, except Bruce.
And Blonsky. And Wong.
Just remember whose show this actually is.
(NEWS THEME PLAYING)
Attorney Jennifer Walters of law firm GLK and H
has been tapped to represent Emil Blonsky, also known as the Abomination,
in his upcoming parole hearing.
The news has stirred up much controversy.
Ever since it's been revealed that
Jennifer Walters has a superhero alter-ego called She-Hulk,
the statuesque green lawyer has been plagued by public backlash,
with many questioning her qualifications.
(SPEAKING SPANISH)
They took the Hulk's manhood away, but then they gave it to a woman?
MAN 2: I don't get it. Why are you turning every superhero into a girl?
MAN 3: So we have a MeToo movement, and now all the male heroes are gone?
I have no problem with female heroes. Just saying make your own.
I don't know about y'all, but I'd smash.
We have Gideon Wilson, the prosecutor
who put the Abomination away all those years ago. Gideon.
First, I would like to say, it is frankly appalling that
anyone would work towards freeing a monster like the...
-Have you seen this insanity? -I don't care what anybody says about me.
There's something in this country called due process.
-Emil deserves a fair hearing. -You have to respond.
You have to be in control of your own narrative.
Jennifer Walters speaking.
Yes, I will be right there.
Holliway beckons.
(SIGHS) Come on. This case is huge.
People wanna know every single detail about your life.
You're a public figure now.
The office has been flooded with calls and requests for interviews,
so you should do one.
People only care because I'm representing Emil Blonsky.
Once that's over, this whole media circus will die down.
No, Jen, this is not gonna go away just because you're ignoring it.
Every minute I spend on this crap
is one less minute I spend focusing on my job.
DENNIS: This is absolutely ridiculous. I am incredibly upset.
What kind of office doesn't have any Red Bulls?
(JENNIFER CLEARS THROAT)
-Dennis. -No way... Not Jen Walters.
Ms. Walters is head of the Superhuman Law Division.
We have too much history for me to be comfortable with her on the case.
I would love to know what this is about and not work on it.
-You wanted to see me? -Ah, yes.
Mallory Book is also in the Superhuman Law Division.
Yeah. No, I can't talk to a 10 about embarrassing man stuff.
She could be my next fiancée.
Happy to not be involved.
Is he a lawyer? He looks cool. I'll take him.
Well, our friend, Mr. Bukowski from the DA's office,
needs help on a delicate matter.
He's been defrauded by an ex-girlfriend
and wants to file a suit against her to get his money back.
Yeah. I bought her jewelry, flew her to Bali for a photo-shoot,
paid off her Volkswagen Passat. Subscribed to...
But why the Superhuman Law Division?
The girlfriend in question is a shapeshifting Light Elf from New Asgard.
Wow, Dennis.
Okay. Well, to be fair, I thought I was dating Megan Thee Stallion.
I'm sorry. What?
Sorry. You thought you were dating Megan Thee Stallion?
Multiple Grammy award-winner megastar Megan Thee Stallion?
What part of "shapeshifter" did you not get?
(CHUCKLES)
-You thought she drove a Passat? -This is why I don't want Walters.
(CHUCKLES) I'm so sorry.
(WHOOSHING)
Ms. Walters, I received your message.
Uh, Mr. Wong. Great entrance. Perfect timing.
-I really need to take this. -You may go.
Thank you. Uh, Pug, good luck.
Dennis...
(LAUGHS)
Sorry.
Everything Mr. Blonsky told you is factual.
I extracted him from the prison against his own wishes,
because I required a worthy opponent
as part of my training to become Sorcerer Supreme.
And as Sorcerer Supreme, I insist that he not be punished for my actions.
Again, I am not the one who will be punishing him.
The parole board will not release him after seeing this video.
I know what you're thinking, Ms. Walters, and I'm not erasing everyone's memories.
Not again.
That is not what I was thinking. That is highly unethical.
Yeah, it's also very messy, believe me.
-Okay. -We'll send him to the Mirror Dimension.
-Don't know what that is, but no. -Shadow Dimension?
What you can do to help is show up at the hearing and explain everything.
Very well. We'll reserve sorcery for strategy B.
Don't tap your nose.
PUG: So, Mr. Bukowski, how much money in cash and gifts
did you spend on the Megan Thee Stallion imposter?
Oh, man. (GROANS)
How about I just say a number, and you tell me higher or lower, okay?
Considering that you bought her a mid-sized sedan, how about $50,000?
100?
-200? -(CHUCKLES) $200,000? I am not a fool.
-No, it was more like 175. -100... $175,000?
That's a house in parts of the country, Mr. Bukowski.
(CHUCKLES) Yeah, right.
So, are you gonna help me or not?
I'm gonna start building your case, and I will be in touch, Mr. Bukowski.
All right.
Okay.
(VIDEO PLAYING INDISTINCTLY)
(LAUGHS)
I'm not really Megan Thee Stallion.
What's up, bro? How's it hanging, man?
I got a change of heart. I'm gonna drop the case.
Wait. What? Just now? You just...
The truth is, I think somewhere deep inside, I knew. You know?
I gave those things 'cause I wanted to.
I was just embarrassed to get found out in such a public way.
But at some point in time, you gotta take personal responsibility.
-I have to say, this is unexpected. -Well, it's just money after all.
And now, I have a... I got a story to tell.
-(PHONE VIBRATES) -I'm sorry, Mr... This is Pug.
DENNIS ON PHONE: Hey, man. I think somebody towed my Cybertruck.
They're saying it was a handicapped spot. I swear it was a Cybertruck spot.
Hello? You there? (LAUGHS)
Your jaw's on the floor because I drive a Cybertruck.
Security!
I love harassing women in the workplace. It's my kick, baby.
-Not cool. -Let that be a warning.
(PEOPLE GASPING SOFTLY)
I don't.
You guys know me.
REPORTER: We're coming to you live from outside the ultra-high security prison
where the man known as the Abomination will appear before a parole board.
There is much public furor over the possible release of...
Wait. Is that her? She-Hulk, can we get a word?
Is it true you were rejected by the Avengers?
That was Jennifer Walters, also known as She-Hulk,
rumored to have been rejected by the Avengers.
-Hey. Are you ready for this? -Yeah.
Uh, are those your soulmates?
-Ah, yeah. -Okay.
Is Wong about?
No. I don't understand how a guy with zero commute time is late.
We are here today to determine whether Emil Blonsky is
suitable for return to society after having served his minimum sentence.
In light of recent evidence of a prison escape,
I think we all know how this is gonna go. So, let's keep this brief.
As Mr. Blonsky's counsel, I would love to address the alleged prison escape.
We do have a witness
who is able to clear Mr. Blonsky of any wrongdoing on his part.
Then we'll start with that then.
Well, yes, the witness is prepared to give a statement
after Mr. Blonsky gives his.
MAN: Are we really entertaining the idea of releasing
someone who's been documented escaping from prison?
Now hold on. Mr. Blonsky, do you feel you have been rehabilitated?
Uh...
Let's start by saying that I feel great remorse,
great shame to those that I've harmed.
So, to answer your question, yes, I feel I have been rehabilitated.
I've spent every day of my incarceration focused solely on redemption.
I have changed.
Emotionally, physically, metaphysically, spiritually,
karmically, cosmically, inter-dimensionally...
Et cetera.
What Mr. Blonsky is trying to say is that the man you see before you
is not the same Emil Blonsky as before.
All he wants now is to be a contributing member of society.
If released, would you have a place to live?
Yeah. You can rely on that.
Mr. Blonsky does own a plot of land on which he plans to work and reside.
He's going into farming?
No. Actually, he plans to open a meditation retreat on the property.
So, just very... Well, you know...
And how does Mr. Blonsky intend to fund this endeavor?
Mr. Blonsky is currently
in a long-term committed relationship with several pen pals.
All of whom have pledged to financially support him.
Excuse me. If I could...
-May I clarify? Yeah. -No.
Blair, Ruth, Marta, Sheila, Alejandra, Yvonne and Nicolette are my soulmates.
We met through the prison pen pal program.
They are my better eighths.
(CLICKS TONGUE) Love you.
I don't think we need to get into that any further. Any other questions?
Blonsky started the prison's literacy program.
He's helped countless prisoners learn how to read.
He leads guided meditation and yoga for the prisoners.
-(SOBS) He saved me from a bad marriage. -That's it, Carl. Let it flow.
Now the library is more than just a quiet place to shiv someone.
Instead of toilet wine, prisoners make toilet kombucha.
(BREATHING DEEPLY)
-I release you, Linda. -Proud of you, Carl.
-I love you so much. -Yeah, okay, we're done with Carl.
(CARL SOBS)
Is that all? Because there's still the matter of Mr. Blonsky's escape.
(ABOMINATION ROARS ON VIDEO)
Uh...
Yes, there were extenuating circumstances that the witness will explain.
(SOFTLY) If he ever decides to show up.
My apologies, Ms. Walters and Emil.
-Ah! Finally. -I lost track of time.
I've asked Wong here today
because he is the man responsible for Emil Blonsky leaving prison.
And I do think you will see this whole thing in a totally different light
after hearing from him.
Have you ever heard of a kumite?
Mmm-mmm.
I'd like to move for dismissal of all charges against my client.
On what grounds?
Runa is the daughter of an Elfin diplomat on Asgard and now in New Asgard.
-Did you know about this? -As such, she has diplomatic immunity.
She may have diplomatic immunity in New Asgard, but we are not in New Asgard.
Excuse me, Your Honor,
but Asgard is not a place, it is a people. Therefore, I...
Thor's inspirational speeches are not admissible in court.
Your Honor, this case is very cut and dry.
My client was defrauded of $175,000 by a scam artist.
He deserves compensation
for the financial and emotional trauma that he's suffered.
My client and Mr. Bukowski were in a consensual relationship
-and engaged in role-play. -Oh, gross.
No rational adult would have believed my client's texts
-were from the real Megan Thee Stallion. -(SCOFFS)
Mr. Bukowski knew he was dating Miss Runa
and went along with it until it no longer suited him.
I did not.
This was a relationship gone bad, not a scam.
Mr. Bukowski was blinded by love.
He absolutely believed that he was dating the real Megan Thee Stallion.
I must say, I find it hard to believe that Mr. Bukowski could be fooled so easily.
And the onus is on you to prove that, Mr. Pugliese.
That being said, I'll allow this to go to trial.
So, Miss Runa, your motion to dismiss is denied.
-(GAVEL BANGS) -(AUDIENCE MURMURING)
Crushed that.
And when this is over, I'm canceling my Hollywood Hookups subscription.
There's clearly no vetting process.
(GAVEL TAPPING)
In light of some new information I have just received, I'm changing my ruling.
(CHUCKLES)
Come on, Runa. This is getting a little broad.
Impersonating a judge is illegal. Get down from there.
(RUNA LAUGHS WICKEDLY)
This is very good for us.
Yuck.
In regard to Mr. Blonsky vacating his cell, I gave him no choice.
But it was absolutely his choice to return.
I offered him asylum at the Kamar-Taj, which is lovely this time of the year.
But he was quite adamant he be returned
to serve out his sentence and repay his debt to society.
Thank you.
So you see, Emil Blonsky was forced out of his cell against his will.
And even when offered instant freedom, he chose to return to his cell.
These are not the actions of a criminal
but of a reformed man who truly wants to do the right thing.
Well, that may be true of Emil Blonsky,
but when Blonsky uncontrollably becomes Abomination,
isn't he a raging monster out for blood?
Uh... Excuse me. If I could just put your minds at ease...
-JENNIFER: Oh, no, absolutely not. -Hang on a sec.
-No. No, no. -What?
Emil. Emil, no.
-It's fine, Jen. -No, please.
No, no, no, no. You... Don't... No, no, no, no.
(GASPS)
Oh, my God.
-No, no, no, no. -(ALARM BLARING)
Everybody just relax
-Get out of there! Get him... -(WOMAN SCREAMS)
-Oh, my God! -Stop, stop, stop, stop.
-Oh, my God. -Hang on. Force is not necessary.
As you can see, I'm in full control.
That's enough! Change back now!
Get down! Down. He's fine. It's fine. He's totally fine.
-Emil! -All right, all right. Calm down.
(BODY MORPHING)
(SIGHS)
Please...
Uh...
Ladies and gentlemen, I beg you to forgive Mr. Blonsky's enthusiasm.
He didn't intend to frighten anyone.
In fact, this proves that in every instance,
Mr. Blonsky could have broken free but has chosen to remain in his cell.
As his stellar prison record reflects, Mr. Blonsky spent his entire incarceration
practicing a strict regimen of training and self-discipline
so that he may walk among his fellow citizens
with no chance of becoming a rampaging Abomination again.
He deserves a future as a free man and a productive citizen.
Thank you, Ms. Walters.
We will adjourn for today and consider all of the facts.
We will reconvene once a decision has been reached.
And please, let's get this man some clothes.
-Oh, yeah. -And as for Mr. Wong...
Just "Wong." The Sorcerer Supreme. Master of the Mystic Arts.
Leader and former librarian of Kamar-Taj.
Yeah. You realize that
you've just admitted to facilitating a prisoner escape, which is a crime.
I must depart.
REPORTER: There she is.
How do you plan to take Blonsky down when he rampages again?
What about claims that you're one of Blonsky's rumored soulmates?
Is there any truth to the rumors you got your powers
-from a Mafia hit gone wrong? -What?
That was Jennifer Walters rushing by, undoubtedly hoping to avoid the protesters
that are gathered just outside the gates here.
And then I get to my car, and some protester has written on it,
"Monster defending a monster."
This can go away with one little interview.
-Good Day LA is thirsty for you. -No, thank you. Hard pass.
-(SCOFFS) -I cannot wait for this to be over
so I can go back to being a normal anonymous lawyer.
-Who also happens to be a Hulk. -What are you talking about?
Jen, the genie is out of the bottle, girl. You are a story now.
Okay, yeah. No. I don't want this.
Oh, my God. You're pregnant with the Abomination's baby,
and you're flaunting a baby-bump.
-That's who the father is? -Yeah.
Good God. Dennis Bukowski.
-Yeah. No, you're gonna need that. -Connecting the A and B story. Nice.
How did you two work with him for so long?
Oh, I killed him in my head several times, in many different ways.
And yet he was convinced that she had a crush on him.
-The man is almost terminally deluded. -I'd call him gross.
JENNIFER: Yeah. Just gross.
Hey, would you be willing to say that under oath?
I swear the testimony I'm about to give today
is the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth.
Hey, P-Dog, how is Jen our best option? I gave you a whole list of my boys.
Jen is gonna help us clinch this. Trust me.
Ms. Walters, how would you describe your relationship to Mr. Bukowski?
We worked together for several years at the DA's office.
Would you say that you know Mr. Bukowski fairly well?
Definitely. We worked regularly on cases together,
so I've spent a lot of time with Mr. Bukowski.
Did he ever share his personal life with you? Specifically, his dating life.
Yes, he would, prolifically and unprompted.
You wanted to know.
How would you characterize Mr. Bukowski in relation to his romantic life?
Self-absorbed, chauvinistic, conceited.
He once described himself as a New York 10 and an LA 11.
(LAUGHS)
He nicknamed his office the Dennisphere...
Objection. Relevance.
Mr. Bukowski, need I remind you that you're not representing yourself here?
And this is your witness.
But I agree. Mr. Pugliese, get to your point.
It's been stated many times in this courtroom
that a man of reasonable intelligence
would never think that he was dating the real Megan Thee Stallion.
In your opinion, Ms. Walters, do you think that Dennis Bukowski would believe
that he could actually pull Megan Thee Stallion?
Yes. Dennis Bukowski is an almost pathologically entitled man.
He would absolutely believe that he's dating the real Megan Thee Stallion
because he is truly that delusional.
No further questions, Your Honor.
In the case of Bukowski v. Runa, I award full damages to Dennis Bukowski
in the amount of $175,000.
In addition,
we also sentence the defendant to 60 days for impersonating a judge.
No, no, no, no, no, no.
That's right. There's only one Megan Thee Stallion.
Make some noise.
Ah!
You guys think I have a shot with the real Megan Thee Stallion?
Should I go back?
No. No. Please, don't do that. Thanks for that testimony in there, Jen.
It was my pleasure.
The sad part is that elf's just gonna get a slap on the wrist.
I wish there was a way we could remove her powers
and make sure she doesn't victimize anyone else.
Oh! Did Dennis Bukowski just give me an idea?
That will stay between us.
(REPORTERS CLAMORING)
We've just received word the parole board has reached a decision.
(REPORTERS CHATTERING INDISTINCTLY)
(BREATHING HEAVILY)
After reviewing his record,
we hereby grant Mr. Blonsky's release on parole, effective immediately.
Yes.
-(CHEERING) -MAN: As a condition of his parole,
Mr. Blonsky is prohibited from turning into Abomination indefinitely,
and is ordered to wear an inhibitor in perpetuity.
Any violation of this condition will result in his immediate return to prison.
Understood. Thank you.
Thank you, Jen. I'm in your debt, you know.
Spiritually, of course.
Just stay out of the news. That's all I ask.
I don't wanna read any more stories about either of us.
You might wanna reconsider that.
They're gonna write a story about you one way or the other, you know.
Better to be a part of it, really.
(NEWS THEME PLAYING)
The Abomination is now a free man.
Here with us in the studio, the lawyer responsible for his release, She-Hulk.
Yeah, my name is Jennifer Walters, not She-Hulk,
and my client's name is Emil Blonsky, not the Abomination.
Got it.
The high-profile nature of this case and the fact that you yourself are a Hulk
has catapulted you into the public eye.
So, tell us, how did you come up with the name She-Hulk?
Oh! Funny story, I didn't.
Some random guy on the news came up with it
after thinking about it for, like, two seconds, but it stuck.
So, now whether I like it or not, I am forever She-Hulk.
Great. We have to take a break.
When we come back, She-Hulk shares her diet and exercise secrets.
JENNIFER: I'm sorry. What?
(NEWS THEME PLAYING)
(CAR LOCK CHIMES)
(GASPS)
-I got her. Come on, guys. I got her. -(SCREAMS)
Oh, wait.
Get off me.
(MAN SCREAMS)
If you're gonna strut around showing off your powers,
you better be able to back it up.
When did I ever strut around and show off my powers?
Did you guys rob an Asgardian construction worker?
Yeah.
All right, let's do this.
(MEN GRUNTING)
Sorry.
(GROANS)
(CROOK SCREAMS)
MALE VILLAIN: Okay, bad idea, bad idea.
-Fall back! -CROOK: Go, go, go!
Okay, fellas, I admit that did not go exactly as I imagined it.
Thunderball, did you get it?
No. Once she turned into She-Hulk, I couldn't pierce that nasty green skin.
MALE VILLAIN: Damn it. Boss is gonna be mad.
(SIGHS)
(PHONE RINGS IN DISTANCE)
Hi. There's my new favorite client.
Just... Just your signature there.
And then just initial. Good.
And initials up here.
(ELEVATOR DINGS)
(HIP HOP MUSIC PLAYING)
Huh.
Oh, you are way more fun than my last lawyer.
-I will kill for you, Megan Thee Stallion. -Dial it back.