1 00:00:10,844 --> 00:00:12,595 [TV plays indistinctly in the background] 2 00:00:12,679 --> 00:00:14,097 Whoa. 3 00:00:14,723 --> 00:00:17,225 Another late night of man-on-man love? 4 00:00:18,143 --> 00:00:19,436 Gay guys are lit. 5 00:00:20,437 --> 00:00:21,604 Don't ever be straight. 6 00:00:22,856 --> 00:00:24,274 I think I got that covered. 7 00:00:24,357 --> 00:00:27,110 So, like, how many guys are you banging per night, huh? 8 00:00:27,193 --> 00:00:28,695 Tens? Fifties? 9 00:00:28,778 --> 00:00:29,654 [Peter] Mmm. 10 00:00:30,739 --> 00:00:31,573 Thousands. 11 00:00:33,450 --> 00:00:36,119 I've already looked that up on PornHub, but I type in 12 00:00:36,411 --> 00:00:38,496 "gangbang" or "orgy." 13 00:00:40,749 --> 00:00:42,584 I'm not banging any guys, Frank. 14 00:00:43,543 --> 00:00:46,254 I haven't even called the guy who gave me his number. 15 00:00:46,588 --> 00:00:48,590 I mean, what are you doing every night? 16 00:00:49,049 --> 00:00:51,176 -Huh? Are you like a garbage man now? -No, I'm... 17 00:00:51,259 --> 00:00:52,093 [laughs] 18 00:00:54,262 --> 00:00:55,096 [coughs] 19 00:00:57,056 --> 00:00:59,309 You're, like, the weirdest guy I know, right? 20 00:01:00,602 --> 00:01:01,519 I hope so. 21 00:01:04,022 --> 00:01:04,898 [clears throat] 22 00:01:06,316 --> 00:01:08,026 You really want to know the truth? 23 00:01:08,276 --> 00:01:09,110 [coughs] 24 00:01:09,194 --> 00:01:11,905 God, this is crazy, okay? 25 00:01:11,988 --> 00:01:13,448 I haven't told anyone, but... 26 00:01:14,407 --> 00:01:16,493 If I'm gonna tell anyone, I might as well tell you. 27 00:01:20,330 --> 00:01:22,916 I'm the assistant to a dominatrix. 28 00:01:27,420 --> 00:01:28,296 Last night, I... 29 00:01:30,215 --> 00:01:31,883 I peed on someone. 30 00:01:38,098 --> 00:01:39,641 That's so cool. 31 00:01:43,228 --> 00:01:45,313 Do you put stuff 32 00:01:46,022 --> 00:01:47,190 in people's butts? 33 00:01:53,905 --> 00:01:54,823 And that 34 00:01:55,365 --> 00:01:56,533 has led me here... 35 00:01:57,992 --> 00:01:58,910 to today. 36 00:02:00,912 --> 00:02:03,122 To my journey 37 00:02:03,456 --> 00:02:07,210 into the deep waters  of other people's minds. 38 00:02:08,545 --> 00:02:10,421 And... happy ending: 39 00:02:11,339 --> 00:02:12,674 I got a new goldfish. 40 00:02:13,258 --> 00:02:17,345 And ten more after, because I read online  that they don't last very long. 41 00:02:18,555 --> 00:02:19,722 So, remember... 42 00:02:21,141 --> 00:02:25,228 we can always mentally get new goldfish, 43 00:02:25,812 --> 00:02:26,771 and in that, 44 00:02:27,230 --> 00:02:29,357 I can hook... 45 00:02:30,525 --> 00:02:32,527 my psychological gold. 46 00:02:34,946 --> 00:02:36,030 [applause] 47 00:02:36,114 --> 00:02:36,948 Wow! 48 00:02:38,366 --> 00:02:39,200 Okay! 49 00:02:39,784 --> 00:02:41,536 -That was-- that was great. -[Kate] Thank you. 50 00:02:41,619 --> 00:02:44,122 Okay, guys. That was great. That was, um... 51 00:02:45,331 --> 00:02:47,125 All the feels. All right! 52 00:02:47,792 --> 00:02:49,210 Who is our next victim? 53 00:02:50,837 --> 00:02:51,880 Miss Chester. 54 00:02:53,298 --> 00:02:54,215 Me? 55 00:02:54,340 --> 00:02:55,550 Oh. [clears throat] 56 00:02:56,342 --> 00:02:59,220 I'm actually not feeling very good today, Professor. 57 00:02:59,304 --> 00:03:01,848 -Maybe I should just go next time when-- -I'll go. 58 00:03:07,937 --> 00:03:09,731 [line trilling] 59 00:03:11,316 --> 00:03:12,692 Okay, Motherfuck. 60 00:03:15,320 --> 00:03:17,197 You know, she's not picking up, so... 61 00:03:17,655 --> 00:03:19,824 maybe you'll have to meet her  another time. 62 00:03:22,160 --> 00:03:24,537 -What about you? -Me? 63 00:03:25,413 --> 00:03:28,374 Oh, uh, no, I'm just the assistant. I... 64 00:03:29,125 --> 00:03:32,212 I just watch, and clean up, and occasionally let people... 65 00:03:32,295 --> 00:03:34,964 You just told me that you peed on a guy. 66 00:03:35,048 --> 00:03:36,674 Plus, you're gay. 67 00:03:36,758 --> 00:03:38,343 You've stuck your finger in all the butts. 68 00:03:38,426 --> 00:03:40,178 Okay, not that many butts. 69 00:03:43,723 --> 00:03:44,849 This month's rent... 70 00:03:45,642 --> 00:03:46,476 free. 71 00:03:49,562 --> 00:03:50,605 So, uh... 72 00:03:50,688 --> 00:03:53,274 everyone has a story, right? Like, uh... 73 00:03:53,942 --> 00:03:57,487 Like, "A bad thing happened to me and this is why I'm like this" story. 74 00:03:59,739 --> 00:04:01,366 Uh, I certainly have that story. 75 00:04:02,158 --> 00:04:04,202 A couple, in fact. Um... 76 00:04:05,244 --> 00:04:09,332 When my fiancée, uh, ex fiancée, left me. 77 00:04:11,125 --> 00:04:13,294 Uh, the time I was tripping balls 78 00:04:13,378 --> 00:04:15,672 and fell off the roof of the library  in college. 79 00:04:18,967 --> 00:04:20,635 The day my dad died. 80 00:04:24,514 --> 00:04:27,308 Uh, I used to not tell these stories, you know. 81 00:04:27,392 --> 00:04:29,686 I used to keep 'em locked away, 82 00:04:29,769 --> 00:04:32,188 'cause whatever, people die. 83 00:04:32,772 --> 00:04:36,359 And my ex fiancée's boss  had his own plane. 84 00:04:37,485 --> 00:04:40,446 And I dropped a shit ton of acid. 85 00:04:41,572 --> 00:04:44,993 Which-- which was, to be totally honest, super fun... 86 00:04:45,535 --> 00:04:47,996 until I broke almost every bone in my body. 87 00:04:50,248 --> 00:04:52,208 But I used to keep that pain 88 00:04:52,542 --> 00:04:53,501 to myself, 89 00:04:54,252 --> 00:04:55,795 'cause that's what I was taught to do. 90 00:04:57,964 --> 00:05:01,134 Until, one day, my friend's dad died. 91 00:05:01,718 --> 00:05:03,803 And he called me crying, 92 00:05:04,262 --> 00:05:06,806 and we are dudes that never cry. 93 00:05:09,058 --> 00:05:12,061 And he said, "How did you do it, man? 94 00:05:12,145 --> 00:05:13,104 How did you... 95 00:05:14,188 --> 00:05:15,690 deal with all the pain?" 96 00:05:18,526 --> 00:05:19,444 And... 97 00:05:20,611 --> 00:05:22,363 I sat for a long time... 98 00:05:25,575 --> 00:05:27,368 and realized, uh... 99 00:05:30,413 --> 00:05:31,497 I didn't. 100 00:05:34,083 --> 00:05:36,252 Our stories are so similar. 101 00:05:36,753 --> 00:05:39,088 Your dad... my goldfish. 102 00:05:40,298 --> 00:05:41,382 We're so connected. 103 00:05:41,883 --> 00:05:42,842 Yeah. 104 00:05:42,925 --> 00:05:44,135 Yeah, kinda. 105 00:05:44,218 --> 00:05:45,261 Miss Chester. 106 00:05:46,721 --> 00:05:47,555 Get better. 107 00:05:51,184 --> 00:05:53,019 Um, walk me to the subway. 108 00:05:55,438 --> 00:05:56,439 Yeah, sure. 109 00:06:02,820 --> 00:06:05,615 [Pete] What the fuck? You can't do that. 110 00:06:05,948 --> 00:06:07,450 What are you, the booty hole police? 111 00:06:07,533 --> 00:06:10,036 I mean, for free rent, I should have stuck my whole arm up there. 112 00:06:10,119 --> 00:06:11,162 It's just not... 113 00:06:11,496 --> 00:06:13,331 you. It's not who you are. 114 00:06:13,831 --> 00:06:16,042 I just peed on a fully-clothed man. 115 00:06:18,169 --> 00:06:19,045 [Tiff sighs] 116 00:06:19,504 --> 00:06:20,338 God. 117 00:06:21,255 --> 00:06:22,423 What's up your bum? 118 00:06:23,549 --> 00:06:24,634 No pun intended. 119 00:06:27,095 --> 00:06:29,680 -Everything okay with school? -Okay, Pete. I have a mother. 120 00:06:29,764 --> 00:06:31,724 If I needed babying, I would go to her. 121 00:06:32,433 --> 00:06:33,476 Mmm, you know, 122 00:06:33,559 --> 00:06:36,437 it's not like you haven't talked to your mom in the past six years, so... 123 00:06:38,022 --> 00:06:39,690 [woman] Tiffany Chester? 124 00:06:41,109 --> 00:06:43,027 It's me, Chelsea. 125 00:06:43,111 --> 00:06:46,572 -[whispers] Oh, my God, who is that? -Get up and squeeze me, girl! 126 00:06:47,865 --> 00:06:49,409 -Oh my God. -Who is it? 127 00:06:49,492 --> 00:06:51,202 It's Chelsea from fucking high school. 128 00:06:51,285 --> 00:06:53,579 She's coming over. Okay, don't look. Maybe she'll go. 129 00:06:53,663 --> 00:06:55,123 Okay, never mind, she's here. 130 00:06:55,289 --> 00:06:56,124 Hey. 131 00:06:56,624 --> 00:06:58,376 Hey, Chelsea. 132 00:06:58,459 --> 00:06:59,919 You remember Pete, right? 133 00:07:00,002 --> 00:07:03,589 Of course. We all did  the same shitty plays in high school. 134 00:07:04,715 --> 00:07:05,883 You used to be fat. 135 00:07:06,801 --> 00:07:07,760 [chuckles] 136 00:07:07,844 --> 00:07:08,678 Well... 137 00:07:09,220 --> 00:07:10,054 not that fat. 138 00:07:10,138 --> 00:07:11,681 Not that thin, though. 139 00:07:12,974 --> 00:07:14,642 Not thin at all. 140 00:07:16,102 --> 00:07:16,936 No. 141 00:07:17,019 --> 00:07:19,522 Ugh, I can't believe  I'm talking to underclassmen. 142 00:07:20,148 --> 00:07:23,526 Doesn't matter anymore though, 'cause now we're in the "real world." 143 00:07:25,486 --> 00:07:26,487 Life sucks. 144 00:07:27,655 --> 00:07:29,157 Do you guys live in New York? 145 00:07:29,949 --> 00:07:30,950 -Yeah. -Yeah. 146 00:07:31,159 --> 00:07:33,953 Don't you feel better than all those  losers who went to school, 147 00:07:34,036 --> 00:07:35,329 'cause you live here now? 148 00:07:35,788 --> 00:07:36,622 Um... 149 00:07:36,706 --> 00:07:38,082 I work in advertising. 150 00:07:39,417 --> 00:07:41,085 -[thuds] -Oh, my God. Oh. 151 00:07:41,169 --> 00:07:43,129 Shit! Chelsea, are you okay? 152 00:07:44,005 --> 00:07:46,174 -Fuck. We have to get her out of here. -Okay, let's go. 153 00:07:46,257 --> 00:07:47,884 -[Chelsea groans] -Okay. 154 00:07:48,467 --> 00:07:50,511 -Okay. -Okay, easy. 155 00:07:50,761 --> 00:07:52,096 -Do you have a purse? -I'm sorry. 156 00:07:52,180 --> 00:07:53,389 A purse? I don't see a purse. 157 00:07:53,472 --> 00:07:54,390 Where do you live? 158 00:07:54,807 --> 00:07:55,641 Yes. 159 00:07:56,726 --> 00:07:58,978 -Okay. -Yay! I'm gonna throw up. 160 00:07:59,562 --> 00:08:00,813 [retching] 161 00:08:01,189 --> 00:08:02,732 [coughing] 162 00:08:04,317 --> 00:08:05,484 [toilet flushes] 163 00:08:06,861 --> 00:08:07,945 [Chelsea sighs] 164 00:08:12,241 --> 00:08:13,493 [groaning] 165 00:08:20,333 --> 00:08:21,834 Can I tell you something? 166 00:08:23,753 --> 00:08:25,046 I know where I live. 167 00:08:28,174 --> 00:08:29,050 I was just... 168 00:08:29,425 --> 00:08:30,801 drinking alone at the bar, 169 00:08:30,885 --> 00:08:33,346 thinking about how everyday I go to work 170 00:08:33,971 --> 00:08:36,307 to pay for these drinks all alone at a bar. 171 00:08:38,976 --> 00:08:40,895 Hoping that somebody would talk to me, 172 00:08:41,604 --> 00:08:43,064 even just for a second. 173 00:08:45,608 --> 00:08:46,567 And then, boom. 174 00:08:47,985 --> 00:08:50,029 I see these two losers... 175 00:08:50,905 --> 00:08:54,450 that I did a pretty shit production  of West Side Story with 176 00:08:54,534 --> 00:08:58,162 where all the white kids playing Sharks  had to get spray tans. 177 00:09:00,957 --> 00:09:03,501 And I was like, "Holy shit. 178 00:09:05,878 --> 00:09:07,505 Do they even remember me?" 179 00:09:09,966 --> 00:09:11,425 That's so sad. 180 00:09:13,177 --> 00:09:14,136 [shaky breath] 181 00:09:14,387 --> 00:09:16,347 I was Anita in that production. 182 00:09:18,891 --> 00:09:19,809 Anita. 183 00:09:24,188 --> 00:09:25,064 And I was like... 184 00:09:25,940 --> 00:09:28,859 "Are they even gonna remember  who I am anymore?" 185 00:09:29,235 --> 00:09:30,111 [Peter] Oh... 186 00:09:31,696 --> 00:09:33,489 Of course we remember you, Casey. 187 00:09:37,285 --> 00:09:38,160 [sniffles] 188 00:09:38,244 --> 00:09:39,203 It's Chelsea. 189 00:09:43,457 --> 00:09:44,458 [Chelsea sighs] 190 00:09:45,126 --> 00:09:46,627 Didn't you guys have sex? 191 00:09:48,629 --> 00:09:50,214 That was always a rumor. 192 00:09:57,263 --> 00:09:59,056 Were we losers in high school? 193 00:10:01,309 --> 00:10:02,226 You were. 194 00:10:03,144 --> 00:10:06,314 I was in the gray zone because I fucked football players. 195 00:10:08,524 --> 00:10:09,567 And me. 196 00:10:10,818 --> 00:10:12,486 Pete, don't. 197 00:10:15,865 --> 00:10:18,409 For someone who helps  people express themselves... 198 00:10:19,076 --> 00:10:21,245 you're pretty shitty at doing it yourself. 199 00:10:27,418 --> 00:10:29,587 Do you know why  it took me so long to come out? 200 00:10:34,842 --> 00:10:36,385 I thought that my secret... 201 00:10:37,470 --> 00:10:39,263 was keeping me alive. 202 00:10:43,726 --> 00:10:46,437 It was the only version of myself  I'd ever known. 203 00:10:50,775 --> 00:10:53,152 And if I told everyone, who would I be? 204 00:11:05,748 --> 00:11:06,665 Put that on. 205 00:11:07,458 --> 00:11:08,292 Why? 206 00:11:09,043 --> 00:11:11,170 No asking questions, Mistress May. 207 00:11:16,300 --> 00:11:17,134 Okay. 208 00:11:25,226 --> 00:11:26,394 Why are we doing this? 209 00:11:27,311 --> 00:11:28,437 For protection. 210 00:11:31,482 --> 00:11:32,733 After graduation... 211 00:11:34,235 --> 00:11:36,821 we went to different colleges, we lived different lives. 212 00:11:36,904 --> 00:11:38,155 You never called me. 213 00:11:38,489 --> 00:11:39,907 I was doing my own thing. 214 00:11:41,617 --> 00:11:43,119 It hurt my feelings. 215 00:11:46,122 --> 00:11:47,873 I did what was best for both of us. 216 00:11:51,252 --> 00:11:52,670 Why did you sleep with me? 217 00:11:55,423 --> 00:11:57,007 You're wearing a mask. 218 00:11:57,341 --> 00:11:59,093 It's like I don't know who you are. 219 00:12:01,303 --> 00:12:02,888 [inhales deeply] 220 00:12:09,353 --> 00:12:10,312 I don't know. 221 00:12:13,649 --> 00:12:14,525 I guess... 222 00:12:18,571 --> 00:12:20,448 You were the first man... 223 00:12:22,491 --> 00:12:23,993 boy-man. 224 00:12:27,747 --> 00:12:30,291 You just didn't want  anything more from me. 225 00:12:33,252 --> 00:12:34,503 You just liked me. 226 00:12:37,882 --> 00:12:39,675 And you were really nice to me. 227 00:12:43,304 --> 00:12:46,140 Sex was all anyone ever wanted from me. 228 00:12:48,726 --> 00:12:49,894 So I guess it's... 229 00:12:53,355 --> 00:12:55,441 It's just all I thought I had to give. 230 00:13:02,323 --> 00:13:03,199 I just... 231 00:13:05,409 --> 00:13:07,119 I felt really safe with you. 232 00:13:08,078 --> 00:13:08,913 And... 233 00:13:12,333 --> 00:13:13,375 really loved. 234 00:13:18,839 --> 00:13:19,799 Then I ruined it... 235 00:13:20,299 --> 00:13:22,384 with sex, like I always fucking do. 236 00:13:23,177 --> 00:13:24,094 [sighs] 237 00:13:27,723 --> 00:13:29,850 It takes two to tango genitals. 238 00:13:33,187 --> 00:13:34,647 Sex ruins everything. 239 00:13:34,980 --> 00:13:36,106 [Peter inhales] 240 00:13:36,690 --> 00:13:38,984 -Bad sex ruins everything. -[laughs] 241 00:13:41,529 --> 00:13:42,863 It was so bad. 242 00:13:43,948 --> 00:13:45,741 [laughs] Okay. 243 00:13:46,909 --> 00:13:50,621 Okay, I'm sorry I didn't know  where the clitoris was. 244 00:13:51,747 --> 00:13:53,040 I mean, I still don't. 245 00:13:56,627 --> 00:13:58,295 I've got buttholes covered, though. 246 00:13:58,712 --> 00:13:59,713 [laughs] 247 00:14:02,842 --> 00:14:04,468 I still don't want you to do it. 248 00:14:07,805 --> 00:14:09,473 Okay, so, I'm on all fours, 249 00:14:09,557 --> 00:14:13,185 and, uh, you put your digits up there, 250 00:14:13,519 --> 00:14:16,230 and then I jack off until I blast off. 251 00:14:16,313 --> 00:14:17,815 -Sound dope? -Yeah. 252 00:14:19,275 --> 00:14:21,277 Gotta take your pants off first, though. 253 00:14:22,152 --> 00:14:23,612 [laughing] 254 00:14:24,154 --> 00:14:26,740 -Yeah, you gotta get access to the club. -Yeah. 255 00:14:26,907 --> 00:14:28,784 -[whooping] -[laughing] 256 00:14:30,202 --> 00:14:31,120 Okay. 257 00:14:31,912 --> 00:14:32,746 [grunts] 258 00:14:35,916 --> 00:14:38,627 I'm gonna keep my shirt on  so it's not full-blown gay. 259 00:14:42,715 --> 00:14:43,549 Pause. 260 00:14:43,632 --> 00:14:44,508 Uh... 261 00:14:45,342 --> 00:14:47,428 I think it might actually be nicer if... 262 00:14:48,012 --> 00:14:50,222 I were, like, looking at you. 263 00:14:51,640 --> 00:14:52,474 Yeah. 264 00:14:52,933 --> 00:14:54,268 Works for me... bro. 265 00:14:58,397 --> 00:15:01,275 All right! Get between my legs. 266 00:15:01,358 --> 00:15:02,526 [laughing] 267 00:15:05,446 --> 00:15:07,656 Sorry, my, uh-- my feet are kind of stinky. 268 00:15:07,740 --> 00:15:08,866 Uh, it's fine. 269 00:15:09,241 --> 00:15:10,534 Aah! [laughs] 270 00:15:10,868 --> 00:15:11,744 Ah... [sniffs] 271 00:15:14,038 --> 00:15:16,081 -Just kidding. [laughs] -Wow. 272 00:15:17,416 --> 00:15:19,209 You have really nice eyes. 273 00:15:21,670 --> 00:15:22,546 Thanks. 274 00:15:23,464 --> 00:15:24,798 Enter away, roomie. 275 00:15:30,763 --> 00:15:31,847 Lift off. 276 00:15:33,599 --> 00:15:34,725 Oh. Oh! 277 00:15:35,059 --> 00:15:36,935 -Oh! Oh! -Are you okay? 278 00:15:37,186 --> 00:15:38,395 All good in the hood. 279 00:15:39,355 --> 00:15:42,107 Oh, whoa, this is so intense! 280 00:15:42,191 --> 00:15:44,234 -Do you want another one? -Mm-hm. 281 00:15:44,318 --> 00:15:45,861 Yeah? Do you? 282 00:15:45,944 --> 00:15:47,613 Oh, fuck, roomie! 283 00:15:47,905 --> 00:15:49,448 -Yeah? -Oh! Ohh. Oh. 284 00:15:50,324 --> 00:15:52,409 Look-look-look-look-- look me in the eyes. 285 00:15:52,493 --> 00:15:54,703 -It's so, so tight. -[laughing] More! 286 00:15:55,079 --> 00:15:56,330 God! More, more! 287 00:15:56,413 --> 00:15:58,290 Oh, my God! And go even-- 288 00:15:58,540 --> 00:16:00,709 Go even deeper. Do it! 289 00:16:01,001 --> 00:16:02,670 Land my airplane, bitch. 290 00:16:02,753 --> 00:16:04,672 -Fucking... -Okay, so what the fuck is going on? 291 00:16:05,172 --> 00:16:06,340 Whoa, Portia! 292 00:16:06,423 --> 00:16:09,259 -Uh, I was just about to come. -It's not what it looks like. 293 00:16:09,343 --> 00:16:10,636 Your finger was up his bum. 294 00:16:11,178 --> 00:16:12,763 Uh, it was practically medical. 295 00:16:12,846 --> 00:16:15,432 -Yeah, and so is this. -Aah! l.