1
00:00:07,257 --> 00:00:09,884
[suspenseful music]

2
00:00:09,968 --> 00:00:12,595
-[door opening, closing in distance]
-[exhales]

3
00:00:14,806 --> 00:00:17,183
Feels like we're back
at the principal's office.

4
00:00:17,267 --> 00:00:18,852
But, on the plus side,

5
00:00:18,935 --> 00:00:20,770
instead of detention,
we could get spanked.

6
00:00:20,854 --> 00:00:23,356
-[footsteps approaching]
-No jokes right now, please.

7
00:00:23,440 --> 00:00:24,315
Right.

8
00:00:27,026 --> 00:00:30,280
Do you guys want water, or tea, or…?

9
00:00:30,363 --> 00:00:33,074
-No, we're okay. Thank you.
-What kind of tea do you… have?

10
00:00:33,158 --> 00:00:34,784
May, she still talks about you.

11
00:00:37,370 --> 00:00:38,413
Fondly?

12
00:00:39,039 --> 00:00:40,123
Sort of.

13
00:00:40,206 --> 00:00:42,542
Well… not really. [chuckles]

14
00:00:43,168 --> 00:00:45,086
No, actually.

15
00:00:45,712 --> 00:00:46,880
Yeah, that tracks.

16
00:00:47,756 --> 00:00:48,757
Good luck.

17
00:00:51,217 --> 00:00:53,803
[door creaking open]

18
00:01:15,492 --> 00:01:16,743
[woman] Mistress May.

19
00:01:17,994 --> 00:01:18,870
Welcome back.

20
00:01:22,624 --> 00:01:24,250
So, let me get this straight.

21
00:01:25,085 --> 00:01:27,003
You've been banned
from every dungeon in New York,

22
00:01:27,086 --> 00:01:28,755
dragged all over social media

23
00:01:28,838 --> 00:01:30,757
for lack of consent, good judgment,

24
00:01:30,840 --> 00:01:33,176
and misrepresenting our duties as dommes.

25
00:01:33,259 --> 00:01:36,763
And to top it all off, you did an outcall
with a known dangerous client

26
00:01:36,846 --> 00:01:40,058
that somehow resulted in a police chase
you narrowly escaped,

27
00:01:40,141 --> 00:01:43,228
and now no one will rent to you
'cause no one trusts your vetting.

28
00:01:44,062 --> 00:01:45,063
Did I miss anything?

29
00:01:45,647 --> 00:01:47,357
The stabbing?

30
00:01:48,066 --> 00:01:49,859
Uh, in her defense, she was, like,

31
00:01:49,943 --> 00:01:51,319
coming to my defense.

32
00:01:51,402 --> 00:01:53,321
-Pete! Enough.
-Pete?

33
00:01:53,404 --> 00:01:56,491
Uh, Carter. May's, um, assistant

34
00:01:56,574 --> 00:01:59,828
slash bodyguard
slash budding master extraordinaire.

35
00:01:59,911 --> 00:02:01,454
Also, I'm a comedian.

36
00:02:01,538 --> 00:02:02,413
Oh, God.

37
00:02:02,497 --> 00:02:04,916
I host my own night 
at my friend's comedy club.

38
00:02:04,999 --> 00:02:08,127
It's every Thursday,
and it's called Cumedy Tonight, you know?

39
00:02:08,211 --> 00:02:11,172
Like "comedy,"
but with a U where the O should be.

40
00:02:11,256 --> 00:02:13,174
Like "jizzedy," but "cum,"

41
00:02:13,258 --> 00:02:14,342
not "jizz."

42
00:02:14,425 --> 00:02:16,219
Actually was maybe gonna call it Jizzedy,

43
00:02:16,302 --> 00:02:18,304
-[clears throat]
-but… it was trademarked.

44
00:02:19,848 --> 00:02:21,224
Did you follow any of that?

45
00:02:25,895 --> 00:02:27,397
[whispers] She's walking towards us.

46
00:02:28,439 --> 00:02:30,400
And what is your role in all of this?

47
00:02:32,068 --> 00:02:35,405
Long story,
but I probably would have said no

48
00:02:35,488 --> 00:02:37,782
if I had known
what I was getting myself into.

49
00:02:37,866 --> 00:02:39,826
I mean, one minute
I'm getting punched in the face

50
00:02:39,909 --> 00:02:42,579
-and peeing on a stranger--
-Okay, the punching was all you.

51
00:02:42,662 --> 00:02:44,289
She didn't run it by you first?

52
00:02:44,706 --> 00:02:46,082
No.

53
00:02:48,251 --> 00:02:49,794
That's not how consent works.

54
00:02:49,878 --> 00:02:51,796
-[scoffs] Tiff.
-May.

55
00:02:51,880 --> 00:02:53,214
-Both of you.
-Mira--

56
00:02:53,298 --> 00:02:55,049
Mistress Mira.

57
00:02:55,133 --> 00:02:56,176
Mistress Mira…

58
00:02:56,801 --> 00:02:58,553
I know that we fucked up.

59
00:02:58,636 --> 00:03:01,139
I mean… I fucked up.

60
00:03:01,222 --> 00:03:02,599
But that's why we're here.

61
00:03:02,682 --> 00:03:04,058
To make it right and…

62
00:03:04,642 --> 00:03:05,935
to work again.

63
00:03:06,769 --> 00:03:07,687
We need the money.

64
00:03:07,770 --> 00:03:09,147
Shh. I can handle this.

65
00:03:12,108 --> 00:03:13,318
We need the money.

66
00:03:13,401 --> 00:03:15,528
Spring semester starts for me
in three weeks.

67
00:03:15,612 --> 00:03:17,197
[laughs]

68
00:03:18,156 --> 00:03:21,159
With all the legal and financial issues
plaguing our community,

69
00:03:21,242 --> 00:03:22,994
you think I'm gonna let you work
in my space?

70
00:03:24,662 --> 00:03:26,956
Putting everything
I worked so hard to achieve at risk

71
00:03:27,040 --> 00:03:30,376
because Little Miss Authority Issues
needs to pay for graduate school?

72
00:03:31,377 --> 00:03:34,339
I don't think you realize that,
for some of us, this is our real job.

73
00:03:37,425 --> 00:03:38,760
Years ago,

74
00:03:38,843 --> 00:03:41,679
when you first came into my studio,
you said you needed a mentor.

75
00:03:42,931 --> 00:03:44,098
I invested in you.

76
00:03:44,682 --> 00:03:47,977
And the minute I had something to say
you didn't like, you were gone.

77
00:03:48,061 --> 00:03:51,231
No note, no call, nothing.

78
00:03:51,981 --> 00:03:53,024
Sounds familiar.

79
00:03:56,611 --> 00:03:58,154
I thought I could do it on my own.

80
00:03:58,238 --> 00:04:00,448
Hmm. Then what's he doing here?

81
00:04:03,868 --> 00:04:06,579
I had high hopes for you, Mistress May.

82
00:04:07,330 --> 00:04:09,832
Shame you had such low standards
for yourself.

83
00:04:11,042 --> 00:04:14,087
Now, if you'll excuse me,
I need to get back to my client.

84
00:04:16,631 --> 00:04:17,924
She really came for you.

85
00:04:19,133 --> 00:04:20,343
Are you all right, pet?

86
00:04:25,723 --> 00:04:27,934
I'm teaching a training intensive
in the new year.

87
00:04:29,227 --> 00:04:30,561
Domme 101.

88
00:04:32,146 --> 00:04:34,399
There are openings if you can pay.

89
00:04:37,110 --> 00:04:37,986
Um…

90
00:04:38,736 --> 00:04:40,196
Domme 101?

91
00:04:40,280 --> 00:04:42,991
-Don't you think I'm a little advanced--
-No unauthorized clients

92
00:04:43,074 --> 00:04:45,618
until the course is completed
to my satisfaction.

93
00:04:45,702 --> 00:04:47,787
At the first sign of defiance,

94
00:04:47,870 --> 00:04:49,872
you are out. Understood?

95
00:04:50,665 --> 00:04:51,624
Understood.

96
00:04:51,708 --> 00:04:53,084
-Yes.
-Yes.

97
00:04:53,167 --> 00:04:54,377
Thank you, Mistress Mira.

98
00:04:54,460 --> 00:04:57,463
Entry to the course
requires a perfect single-column tie.

99
00:04:58,673 --> 00:05:00,341
Get it right, or get out of here.

100
00:05:00,967 --> 00:05:02,427
-Thank you.
-Happy New Year.

101
00:05:02,510 --> 00:05:03,469
Let's go.

102
00:05:04,429 --> 00:05:07,181
So, she's, like, iconic.

103
00:05:12,478 --> 00:05:15,690
Now, this is the right way
to close out the year.

104
00:05:15,773 --> 00:05:18,276
Do you think it's okay?
I need it to be perfect.

105
00:05:18,359 --> 00:05:20,361
Well, it's doing the trick for me,
Mistress.

106
00:05:20,445 --> 00:05:23,906
Hey. Don't call me that, okay?

107
00:05:23,990 --> 00:05:25,491
But everyone else gets to.

108
00:05:25,575 --> 00:05:27,368
Yeah, my clients do.

109
00:05:27,994 --> 00:05:30,830
But you… are my friend.

110
00:05:30,913 --> 00:05:32,040
Oh.

111
00:05:32,582 --> 00:05:35,251
Well, we've been friends for ten months,

112
00:05:35,335 --> 00:05:37,712
and I guess I'm just wondering
if I could maybe,

113
00:05:37,795 --> 00:05:40,465
possibly, probably call you my girlfriend

114
00:05:40,548 --> 00:05:42,133
-tonight with my college buddies?
-Just…

115
00:05:43,051 --> 00:05:44,302
call me Tiff.

116
00:05:45,470 --> 00:05:46,304
Hey…

117
00:05:46,971 --> 00:05:48,890
be grateful that we're friends…

118
00:05:49,390 --> 00:05:50,475
with benefits.

119
00:05:52,477 --> 00:05:53,853
This is Tiff,

120
00:05:53,936 --> 00:05:54,896
my friend…

121
00:05:55,563 --> 00:05:56,522
who is a girl.

122
00:05:57,190 --> 00:05:59,567
And she is benefiting me greatly today.

123
00:06:02,945 --> 00:06:04,447
[man] I have to go to work.

124
00:06:06,783 --> 00:06:08,868
M'kay. Give me a second.

125
00:06:09,869 --> 00:06:11,704
[sighs] Okay.

126
00:06:16,209 --> 00:06:17,418
[exasperated sigh]

127
00:06:18,002 --> 00:06:19,087
I hate this.

128
00:06:20,797 --> 00:06:22,048
-It's easy.
-Oh, yeah?

129
00:06:22,131 --> 00:06:22,965
Yeah.

130
00:06:25,259 --> 00:06:26,677
Oh, okay.

131
00:06:27,887 --> 00:06:28,763
[tightens rope]

132
00:06:31,057 --> 00:06:32,183
You are so masc.

133
00:06:34,143 --> 00:06:36,104
[chuckles] Boy Scouts, baby.

134
00:06:36,687 --> 00:06:38,564
Why do you have to go to work today?

135
00:06:38,648 --> 00:06:39,816
It's, like, a holiday.

136
00:06:39,899 --> 00:06:41,567
When your dad is the boss,

137
00:06:41,651 --> 00:06:43,194
no day is a holiday.

138
00:06:43,277 --> 00:06:44,445
Well, I have the day off.

139
00:06:44,529 --> 00:06:48,199
Maybe I could finally see the offices
of a fancy Wall Street banker.

140
00:06:48,282 --> 00:06:50,827
Ha. You would hate it.

141
00:06:51,702 --> 00:06:54,455
Sorry, what…
what is this thing again tonight?

142
00:06:54,539 --> 00:06:58,960
Doug's friends are throwing a fancy-dress
New Year's Eve extravaganza.

143
00:06:59,585 --> 00:07:00,670
But it's straight people,

144
00:07:00,753 --> 00:07:03,840
so you could probably wear, like,
cargo pants and a fleece.

145
00:07:03,923 --> 00:07:05,842
[groans] Straight people?

146
00:07:05,925 --> 00:07:07,093
Gross.

147
00:07:07,176 --> 00:07:08,845
I know, but Tiff's…

148
00:07:09,429 --> 00:07:11,639
you know, meeting Doug's friends
for the first time,

149
00:07:11,722 --> 00:07:13,266
so we have to go for emotional support.

150
00:07:13,349 --> 00:07:14,350
[grunts]

151
00:07:16,602 --> 00:07:17,436
Don't you worry.

152
00:07:17,520 --> 00:07:21,566
Once we scandalize the breeders
with our passionate midnight kiss,

153
00:07:21,649 --> 00:07:25,403
we can take our flaming carriage
to the gay ball, at which we truly belong.

154
00:07:25,486 --> 00:07:26,362
Mmm.

155
00:07:29,699 --> 00:07:31,492
Sure I can't buy you lunch?

156
00:07:31,576 --> 00:07:33,119
[Portia] Frank, god damn it!

157
00:07:33,202 --> 00:07:34,787
[Frank] It's not my fault!

158
00:07:35,329 --> 00:07:37,373
-[Portia] Yes, it is!
-[sighs]

159
00:07:37,457 --> 00:07:39,041
Let's stay at my place tonight.

160
00:07:39,125 --> 00:07:40,251
-Please.
-Yes.

161
00:07:42,420 --> 00:07:43,337
Mm.

162
00:07:44,422 --> 00:07:46,424
[exhales, grunts]

163
00:07:49,760 --> 00:07:52,013
Pete, tell me what you see here.

164
00:07:52,096 --> 00:07:53,097
A mistake?

165
00:07:53,556 --> 00:07:54,682
That is not funny.

166
00:07:54,765 --> 00:07:56,642
Neither is that blue line, baby.

167
00:07:57,351 --> 00:07:58,227
[gasps]

168
00:07:59,520 --> 00:08:02,190
-Oh, hey, Rolph.
-Guten Morgen, Master Carter.

169
00:08:02,273 --> 00:08:05,109
We're having a baby! [laughs]

170
00:08:05,193 --> 00:08:07,820
We don't even have insurance.

171
00:08:07,904 --> 00:08:10,072
We don't have a bloody job.

172
00:08:10,156 --> 00:08:11,616
You work at the makeup store.

173
00:08:11,699 --> 00:08:13,159
[Portia sighs] Yes, Frank.

174
00:08:13,242 --> 00:08:14,911
By "we," I actually mean you.

175
00:08:14,994 --> 00:08:16,871
I need money to go to the doctor.

176
00:08:16,954 --> 00:08:19,040
I spent all our money on pregnancy tests.

177
00:08:19,123 --> 00:08:20,625
Welp, that's my cue.

178
00:08:20,708 --> 00:08:23,503
Uh, Rolph,
I need to practice tying you up.

179
00:08:23,586 --> 00:08:25,004
Ah, yes, Master Carter.

180
00:08:25,087 --> 00:08:27,757
[gasps] What about the name "Babe," babe?

181
00:08:27,840 --> 00:08:30,551
'Cause, like,
that's what people who love each other

182
00:08:30,635 --> 00:08:31,677
call each other.

183
00:08:32,178 --> 00:08:35,014
And also the name of at least one pig.

184
00:08:42,271 --> 00:08:45,566
[men] My best intentions
can be my worst enemy.

185
00:08:45,650 --> 00:08:49,862
I may have tried to do the right thing,
but that doesn't mean that I was right.

186
00:08:49,946 --> 00:08:55,660
Anything that is not growing is dead,
and I will water the flower of my pain

187
00:08:55,743 --> 00:09:00,289
to watch it grow into
present purposefulness.

188
00:09:00,790 --> 00:09:02,583
-Ye… yeah. Uh…
-[gym door opens]

189
00:09:05,336 --> 00:09:08,839
Oh! Must be seven. Saved by the ball.

190
00:09:09,632 --> 00:09:14,262
Uh, that was great, guys.
Deeply felt. Thank you. And-- Oh.

191
00:09:14,845 --> 00:09:17,265
Okay, Rushy McRushersons.

192
00:09:17,348 --> 00:09:19,767
Um, uh, gentlemen, I just--

193
00:09:19,850 --> 00:09:23,479
I loved setting these intentions with you
for the new year,

194
00:09:23,563 --> 00:09:27,650
um, but just remember
that a resolution is rarely resolved,

195
00:09:27,733 --> 00:09:30,569
so just, like, be kind to yourselves.

196
00:09:30,653 --> 00:09:33,072
Maybe give yourselves a soul hug.

197
00:09:33,155 --> 00:09:33,990
Oh, oh, oh! 

198
00:09:34,073 --> 00:09:36,993
And, uh… just remember
we're starting earlier next week.

199
00:09:37,076 --> 00:09:40,162
And don't forget to bring clothes
that you do not care about

200
00:09:40,246 --> 00:09:43,207
because we are gonna be painting…

201
00:09:43,291 --> 00:09:46,919
representations
of our own subconscious misogyny…

202
00:09:47,503 --> 00:09:48,421
um…

203
00:09:48,504 --> 00:09:50,256
and it's gonna get messy.

204
00:09:52,508 --> 00:09:53,551
So that's, um…

205
00:09:54,468 --> 00:09:56,262
that's a-- that's a paint joke.

206
00:09:57,805 --> 00:09:58,889
Good.

207
00:10:03,477 --> 00:10:06,397
[Doug urinating, humming]

208
00:10:06,480 --> 00:10:09,066
Isaac, my friend,
that was a beautiful share today.

209
00:10:09,150 --> 00:10:11,193
All right. See you next week, good.

210
00:10:11,986 --> 00:10:12,820
[zips up]

211
00:10:13,654 --> 00:10:15,197
-Hi.
-[toilet flushes]

212
00:10:15,281 --> 00:10:16,407
Oh!

213
00:10:16,490 --> 00:10:19,243
Holy Green Eggs and Ham.

214
00:10:19,327 --> 00:10:23,372
You are the sexiest stalker
I have ever had.

215
00:10:23,456 --> 00:10:25,666
[laughs] Nice quick change.

216
00:10:25,750 --> 00:10:28,169
-Ah… I clean up okay.
-[giggles]

217
00:10:28,753 --> 00:10:31,672
You came to pick me up.
That's, like, love.

218
00:10:31,756 --> 00:10:35,843
-Or, like, like. Or friendly.
-Well, I just want to get this over with.

219
00:10:36,427 --> 00:10:38,179
Oh, come on. Everybody's gonna love you.

220
00:10:38,763 --> 00:10:40,890
Yeah? What'd you tell 'em about me?

221
00:10:40,973 --> 00:10:43,476
Um, okay, I told them that you were cute

222
00:10:43,559 --> 00:10:45,770
and smart and a little bit evil.

223
00:10:45,853 --> 00:10:48,356
Uh… which is just the way I like it.

224
00:10:49,482 --> 00:10:51,734
And a dominatrix?

225
00:10:52,902 --> 00:10:55,696
Well, you did tell everybody at school.

226
00:10:56,405 --> 00:10:59,700
Yeah, but once people hear that,
that's all they want to talk about.

227
00:10:59,784 --> 00:11:02,328
So you'll make easy conversation.

228
00:11:02,995 --> 00:11:04,580
I thought I was doing good.

229
00:11:05,456 --> 00:11:09,919
Well, your best intentions
can be your worst enemy.

230
00:11:10,002 --> 00:11:12,672
Were you listening to the meeting?
You're really not supposed to,

231
00:11:12,755 --> 00:11:15,716
-it makes the guys feel self-conscious--
-Okay, come on. Button up.

232
00:11:15,800 --> 00:11:16,717
Boys are waiting.

233
00:11:18,094 --> 00:11:18,969
Kiss.

234
00:11:19,679 --> 00:11:21,680
Save it for midnight.

235
00:11:21,764 --> 00:11:22,682
[groans]

236
00:11:23,557 --> 00:11:24,558
[grunts]

237
00:11:25,643 --> 00:11:27,812
-[caveman voice] Doug like this.
-Okay.

238
00:11:27,895 --> 00:11:30,481
-Doug want for his finger.
-Okay, you got it.

239
00:11:30,564 --> 00:11:33,275
-Take your clothes. Let's go.
-I don't need the clothes.

240
00:11:33,359 --> 00:11:34,860
-Doug want pretty finger…
-Okay.

241
00:11:34,944 --> 00:11:37,071
…for pretty girl hands.

242
00:11:37,154 --> 00:11:39,198
Oh, God, it's fucking freezing.

243
00:11:39,740 --> 00:11:42,243
FYI, we're just staying
until the ball drops,

244
00:11:42,326 --> 00:11:44,453
and then we're gonna do
some ball drops of our own.

245
00:11:44,537 --> 00:11:46,455
Thank you for coming and complaining.

246
00:11:46,539 --> 00:11:49,500
You love complaining.
You're literally the New Year's baby.

247
00:11:49,583 --> 00:11:50,584
Claws in, asshole.

248
00:11:50,668 --> 00:11:52,795
You guys are gonna hate my friends.
They're all so nice.

249
00:11:52,878 --> 00:11:53,879
[man on bike] Watch out!

250
00:11:53,963 --> 00:11:56,424
Doug, what the fuck are you doing?
You're gonna get run over.

251
00:11:56,507 --> 00:11:58,008
My body is made of steel.

252
00:11:58,092 --> 00:11:59,885
A Mack truck couldn't take me down.

253
00:11:59,969 --> 00:12:01,345
Come on, let's roll, squad.

254
00:12:01,429 --> 00:12:03,180
-All aboard the Douglas Express.
-Ah!

255
00:12:03,264 --> 00:12:04,390
Oh, my goodness.

256
00:12:04,473 --> 00:12:08,018
-Hey, ooh, we're a squad.
-Yeah. We're in the squad, baby.

257
00:12:11,397 --> 00:12:16,193
[men chanting] Doug! Doug! Doug! 
Doug! Doug! Doug! Doug!

258
00:12:16,277 --> 00:12:17,903
-[whoops]
-Yeah!

259
00:12:17,987 --> 00:12:19,697
-Yeah!
-Homie's still got it!

260
00:12:20,197 --> 00:12:21,240
What up, baby?

261
00:12:21,323 --> 00:12:23,325
[indistinct conversations]

262
00:12:24,160 --> 00:12:26,162
[upbeat music playing]

263
00:12:29,039 --> 00:12:31,333
Frat culture is wild.

264
00:12:31,417 --> 00:12:33,627
Okay, Pete, complete the knot.

265
00:12:33,711 --> 00:12:34,545
Now?

266
00:12:34,628 --> 00:12:38,299
Well, at least Doug has friends,
unlike you two codependent freaks.

267
00:12:38,382 --> 00:12:40,342
Oh, is Mr. Popular's Penguins

268
00:12:40,426 --> 00:12:42,928
feeling a little self-conscious
'cause he was in a frat?

269
00:12:43,012 --> 00:12:44,472
Can you believe this lady pledged?

270
00:12:44,555 --> 00:12:46,432
Hey, I was only in it for the hazing.

271
00:12:46,515 --> 00:12:48,809
-Oh, haze me, Daddy.
-Let's go home.

272
00:12:48,893 --> 00:12:51,479
Okay, this string is hard,
but I did it perfectly at home.

273
00:12:51,562 --> 00:12:53,230
-Right, Josh?
-Mm-hmm.

274
00:12:53,898 --> 00:12:55,566
Hello? Complete it.

275
00:12:55,649 --> 00:12:58,152
Come on,
our future livelihood depends on this.

276
00:13:00,571 --> 00:13:01,447
Right.

277
00:13:01,530 --> 00:13:03,532
Wait, do you guys remember the tripod?

278
00:13:03,616 --> 00:13:04,825
Fuck yeah. Can we do it?

279
00:13:04,909 --> 00:13:07,286
-Yeah.
-I didn't realize I was on the clock.

280
00:13:07,953 --> 00:13:10,247
[man] No. I'm usually on the right side.
That's the problem.

281
00:13:10,331 --> 00:13:11,790
There, okay?

282
00:13:11,874 --> 00:13:12,875
Now you do me.

283
00:13:13,876 --> 00:13:14,710
See how you do.

284
00:13:14,794 --> 00:13:15,628
Come on.

285
00:13:15,711 --> 00:13:17,254
-[man 1] Wait--
-[man 2] You got it.

286
00:13:18,506 --> 00:13:20,090
[Doug] Tripod, baby!

287
00:13:20,174 --> 00:13:22,384
Holy shit, that's really good.

288
00:13:22,468 --> 00:13:23,886
[Doug] Trouble Bubble,

289
00:13:23,969 --> 00:13:25,971
-come meet my pals.
-Yeah!

290
00:13:26,555 --> 00:13:28,349
-[snickers]
-Great, more people

291
00:13:28,432 --> 00:13:31,936
for him to accidentally introduce me
as his girlfriend.

292
00:13:32,019 --> 00:13:35,064
-You are his girlfriend.
-Yeah, but she doesn't like labels.

293
00:13:35,147 --> 00:13:36,732
-[Josh] Mm-hmm.
-[Pete] Or people.

294
00:13:36,815 --> 00:13:38,901
Or anything, really. [laughs]

295
00:13:38,984 --> 00:13:40,444
She likes Doug.

296
00:13:40,528 --> 00:13:43,197
Yeah, I've never seen her act like this
around anybody.

297
00:13:43,280 --> 00:13:45,032
-Except you?
-Mm.

298
00:13:46,617 --> 00:13:48,494
You know, I feel the same way.

299
00:13:48,577 --> 00:13:49,620
About Doug?

300
00:13:50,538 --> 00:13:51,789
Always a joke with you.

301
00:13:52,540 --> 00:13:53,499
Gift and a curse.

302
00:13:54,250 --> 00:13:56,377
-[man 2] It's almost midnight!
-[crowd cheering]

303
00:13:56,460 --> 00:13:57,920
You wanna practice our kiss?

304
00:13:58,003 --> 00:13:59,505
-Yeah, sure.
-Joshie boy?

305
00:14:00,214 --> 00:14:01,131
Oh, shit!

306
00:14:01,215 --> 00:14:02,216
Oh, my dude!

307
00:14:02,299 --> 00:14:04,426
-Dickie, what up, my dude?
-What the fuck are you doing

308
00:14:04,510 --> 00:14:07,263
-at this shitshow?
-Yo, I know fucking Doug, man.

309
00:14:07,346 --> 00:14:08,806
-You know Big Doug?
-Yeah.

310
00:14:08,889 --> 00:14:10,849
-Oh, shit.
-Hey, I'm Pete.

311
00:14:10,933 --> 00:14:12,518
Oh, Dickie, this is my bro Pete.

312
00:14:12,601 --> 00:14:14,311
-Your "bro"?
-Word. Dap it out, Carrot Top.

313
00:14:14,395 --> 00:14:16,355
Anyway, where is the missus?
I'm dying to meet her.

314
00:14:16,438 --> 00:14:19,358
Oh, dude, she went out of town
with the girls. Like, some spa thang,

315
00:14:19,441 --> 00:14:21,068
-you know?
-Women love a fucking spa thing.

316
00:14:21,151 --> 00:14:21,986
-Right?
-Right?

317
00:14:22,069 --> 00:14:23,487
Anyway, yo, fellas, come here.

318
00:14:23,571 --> 00:14:25,531
Yo, this is my work brother Josh,
all right?

319
00:14:25,614 --> 00:14:28,534
His dad owns the fucking company.
But don't worry, he's still fucking cool.

320
00:14:28,617 --> 00:14:29,618
Shut up, dude.

321
00:14:29,702 --> 00:14:31,453
[inaudible conversation]

322
00:14:32,997 --> 00:14:34,164
[laughter]

323
00:14:34,248 --> 00:14:36,667
Oh, we have heard so much about you.

324
00:14:36,750 --> 00:14:40,129
Yeah. Everyone jokes Doug made you up
'cause no one's ever met you.

325
00:14:40,212 --> 00:14:42,965
[laughs] But here you are, in the flesh.

326
00:14:43,048 --> 00:14:44,758
Doug's girlfriend.

327
00:14:44,842 --> 00:14:48,887
Well, his dominatrix girlfriend.
I mean, bro, you hit the jackpot.

328
00:14:48,971 --> 00:14:52,891
Ooh! Question: Have you ever seen
Fifty Shades of Grey?

329
00:14:52,975 --> 00:14:54,894
'Cause I watched it on a plane,
and I was like,

330
00:14:54,977 --> 00:14:57,980
"I'm gonna need a moment alone
in the bathroom, please and thank you."

331
00:14:58,063 --> 00:15:01,108
-[both laughing]
-Hey, that's, um, not appropriate, guys.

332
00:15:01,191 --> 00:15:02,985
Come on, bro. She's a dominatrix.

333
00:15:03,068 --> 00:15:04,111
She doesn't care.

334
00:15:04,194 --> 00:15:07,323
-Well, actually, it's a little--
-You and Gina…

335
00:15:07,406 --> 00:15:09,116
-are like night and day.
-Totally.

336
00:15:09,199 --> 00:15:10,451
So different.

337
00:15:10,534 --> 00:15:12,411
Can you believe you were engaged
to that girl?

338
00:15:12,494 --> 00:15:14,288
-[scoffs]
-Left you for her rich-ass boss?

339
00:15:14,371 --> 00:15:16,081
[laughs] What a bitch!

340
00:15:16,165 --> 00:15:16,999
-[grunts]
-Oh…

341
00:15:18,751 --> 00:15:19,710
What?

342
00:15:46,737 --> 00:15:49,615
[dramatic music]

343
00:15:49,698 --> 00:15:52,034
Doug, I am so sorry.

344
00:15:52,117 --> 00:15:53,661
I am so sorry.

345
00:15:55,204 --> 00:15:56,747
[Pete] Tiff? Tiff?

346
00:15:57,456 --> 00:15:59,500
Tiff. Tiff, thank God.

347
00:15:59,583 --> 00:16:01,168
Emergency. Emergency.

348
00:16:01,251 --> 00:16:03,754
Something is very wrong with Josh.

349
00:16:06,882 --> 00:16:08,175
Who is that?

350
00:16:10,260 --> 00:16:11,136
Gina.

351
00:16:14,765 --> 00:16:16,058
What, are you keeping secrets?

352
00:16:16,141 --> 00:16:18,811
Dude, no. Like, you know, I'm always,
like, straight up with you…

353
00:16:18,894 --> 00:16:21,063
[crowd] Ten, nine,

354
00:16:21,772 --> 00:16:22,982
eight,

355
00:16:23,065 --> 00:16:24,400
seven,

356
00:16:24,483 --> 00:16:25,484
six,

357
00:16:25,984 --> 00:16:27,111
five,

358
00:16:27,194 --> 00:16:28,445
four,

359
00:16:28,529 --> 00:16:31,156
three, two,

360
00:16:31,240 --> 00:16:32,324
one.

361
00:16:32,408 --> 00:16:33,409
Happy--

362
00:16:35,494 --> 00:16:37,413
[instrumental music plays]
'm always,
like, straight up with you…