1 00:00:06,631 --> 00:00:10,885 [dance music playing] 2 00:00:10,969 --> 00:00:12,971 [men whooping, whistling] 3 00:00:18,476 --> 00:00:19,477 You're doing great, Frank! 4 00:00:19,561 --> 00:00:22,772 Thankful for the words of encouragement, roomie, 5 00:00:22,856 --> 00:00:24,899 but a dollar would be nicer. 6 00:00:25,608 --> 00:00:27,193 Oh. Okay. Wow. 7 00:00:27,986 --> 00:00:29,362 She's a businesswoman. 8 00:00:29,863 --> 00:00:30,864 You wanna do it? 9 00:00:32,282 --> 00:00:33,450 Yeah, Frank! 10 00:00:33,533 --> 00:00:34,617 Make it rain. 11 00:00:35,201 --> 00:00:36,077 Slow day, 12 00:00:36,161 --> 00:00:41,332 but a satisfactory, lubed entry into the go-go boy experience. 13 00:00:41,416 --> 00:00:43,835 Don't worry. It'll get way crazier later. 14 00:00:45,837 --> 00:00:46,671 [gasps] 15 00:00:46,755 --> 00:00:49,257 Peter Carter Patricia Devin. 16 00:00:49,340 --> 00:00:52,135 How dare you bring up my fictional female form? 17 00:00:52,218 --> 00:00:54,679 It is so crazy to me how gay people just have bars 18 00:00:54,763 --> 00:00:56,931 where they go, and they do whatever the fuck they want, 19 00:00:57,015 --> 00:00:58,099 and nobody judges them. 20 00:00:58,183 --> 00:01:00,477 Oh, it's the most judgmental place in the world, 21 00:01:00,560 --> 00:01:02,187 but that's the way we like it. 22 00:01:04,898 --> 00:01:08,568 Portia, will you please let the nice gentleman touch my ass? 23 00:01:10,028 --> 00:01:12,739 I'm finding my purpose. 24 00:01:12,822 --> 00:01:17,243 Fine, but you keep your fingers out of there, 25 00:01:17,327 --> 00:01:19,287 or you'll be going home with nubs. 26 00:01:20,455 --> 00:01:22,248 Excuse her. She might be pregnant. 27 00:01:22,332 --> 00:01:23,208 Might. 28 00:01:24,334 --> 00:01:27,128 Portia and I were taking the showdown to the hoedown last night, 29 00:01:27,212 --> 00:01:29,255 and I was like, "Whoa, the fetus. 30 00:01:29,339 --> 00:01:31,174 Are we having a threesome?" 31 00:01:32,217 --> 00:01:33,176 [Frank laughs]  32 00:01:33,259 --> 00:01:34,969 Can you ask the bartender for a glass of red? 33 00:01:35,053 --> 00:01:37,514 Portia, we talked about this. 34 00:01:37,597 --> 00:01:40,809 How about we just start  with some water? Hmm? 35 00:01:40,892 --> 00:01:43,061 Mmm. Yum. [chuckles softly] 36 00:01:44,896 --> 00:01:47,315 Okay, back to my boyfriend telling me 37 00:01:47,398 --> 00:01:48,566 that he loves me. 38 00:01:48,650 --> 00:01:51,611 Okay, or we could talk about me and my half-closeted boyfriend 39 00:01:51,694 --> 00:01:53,738 whose straight persona is somehow turning me on, 40 00:01:53,822 --> 00:01:56,825 which, personally, is way worse to me than your hot, 41 00:01:56,908 --> 00:01:58,910 seemingly fully straight boyfriend 42 00:01:58,993 --> 00:02:01,162 professing his devotion to you by way of his art. 43 00:02:01,246 --> 00:02:03,581 It was right before class. What was I supposed to do? 44 00:02:03,665 --> 00:02:05,291 -That's funny. -Do not write that down. 45 00:02:05,375 --> 00:02:07,001 This is my story, not yours. 46 00:02:07,085 --> 00:02:08,837 Our story, but fine. 47 00:02:09,337 --> 00:02:13,341 Also, hold up. I thought you said we didn't have class. 48 00:02:14,384 --> 00:02:15,677 -What? -Pete. [sighs] 49 00:02:16,594 --> 00:02:17,428 Oh. 50 00:02:18,388 --> 00:02:19,305 A lie. 51 00:02:19,931 --> 00:02:21,015 [inhales deeply] 52 00:02:21,099 --> 00:02:23,852 So, what? You didn't want me to come? 53 00:02:25,770 --> 00:02:28,231 Ever since we started doing this Mira thing-- 54 00:02:28,314 --> 00:02:29,983 No, it's Mistress Mira. 55 00:02:30,900 --> 00:02:32,610 See? I'm taking this seriously. 56 00:02:32,694 --> 00:02:33,653 You have to too. 57 00:02:34,779 --> 00:02:36,489 Do you not want to do this with me anymore? 58 00:02:36,573 --> 00:02:37,574 Uh... 59 00:02:37,657 --> 00:02:40,201 You don't even wanna be a dom. You wanna be a comedian. 60 00:02:40,285 --> 00:02:41,786 You wanna be a therapist. 61 00:02:41,870 --> 00:02:42,996 Tiff, I'm sorry, 62 00:02:43,079 --> 00:02:45,081 my whole stand-up act is based on our job. 63 00:02:45,165 --> 00:02:46,332 We have to keep doing it. 64 00:02:46,416 --> 00:02:48,626 Okay. Well, that's exactly why I think-- 65 00:02:48,710 --> 00:02:52,088 -[cell phone vibrating] -Shit! He won't stop calling me. 66 00:02:52,172 --> 00:02:53,590 Oh, my God. Give it to me. 67 00:02:54,090 --> 00:02:57,343 Doug, hi. First, Tiff is trying to start a fight with me, 68 00:02:57,427 --> 00:02:59,262 her actual codependent life partner. 69 00:02:59,345 --> 00:03:00,346 And second, 70 00:03:00,430 --> 00:03:04,142 she's taken the cowardly, yes, but universally accepted 24 hours 71 00:03:04,225 --> 00:03:06,102 after a significant other first says "I love you" 72 00:03:06,185 --> 00:03:09,314 to consider moving to Mexico and never being heard from again. 73 00:03:13,234 --> 00:03:14,736 I think you should take this. 74 00:03:16,237 --> 00:03:18,406 -Hello? -Tiff, it's Gina. 75 00:03:19,282 --> 00:03:21,201 I've been trying to reach you all day. 76 00:03:21,284 --> 00:03:22,744 Doug was hit by a taxi. 77 00:03:23,494 --> 00:03:25,997 [medical monitor beeping] 78 00:03:31,085 --> 00:03:33,421 [groans] Oh, shit. 79 00:03:33,504 --> 00:03:34,797 I must be dead 80 00:03:34,881 --> 00:03:38,092 'cause a beautiful angel just flew into my room. 81 00:03:38,176 --> 00:03:39,594 How are you feeling? 82 00:03:39,677 --> 00:03:41,888 It's like, um, you know, water polo, 83 00:03:42,472 --> 00:03:45,433 which a lot of people don't realize is a very underrated 84 00:03:45,516 --> 00:03:46,643 and undervalued sport. 85 00:03:46,726 --> 00:03:48,227 It's really hard 'cause… 86 00:03:49,520 --> 00:03:51,856 you have to tread water for, like, ever, 87 00:03:52,357 --> 00:03:55,777 and if you have the ball, everybody tries to drown you. 88 00:03:55,860 --> 00:03:57,820 And, like, I'm the guy with the ball, 89 00:03:58,655 --> 00:03:59,948 and I'm drowning. 90 00:04:00,865 --> 00:04:03,451 -I'm drowning. -He's pretty loopy from all the drugs. 91 00:04:03,952 --> 00:04:04,994 What is he on? 92 00:04:05,578 --> 00:04:08,706 The fibula broke the skin, so I'm pretty sure he's on everything. 93 00:04:10,875 --> 00:04:12,543 Sorry about all the crystals. 94 00:04:13,044 --> 00:04:15,004 They aren't even really for him. 95 00:04:16,339 --> 00:04:17,382 Look at that. 96 00:04:17,882 --> 00:04:19,801 The two women I loved 97 00:04:19,884 --> 00:04:21,511 who didn't love me back. 98 00:04:21,594 --> 00:04:23,304 [sighs] Grow up, Doug. 99 00:04:23,388 --> 00:04:25,348 I'm just playing. 100 00:04:25,431 --> 00:04:28,268 I'm playing. Playing myself! 101 00:04:28,351 --> 00:04:29,185 [chuckles] 102 00:04:29,269 --> 00:04:30,436 Don't move. 103 00:04:30,520 --> 00:04:32,021 -I'm-- -You wanna break anything else? 104 00:04:32,105 --> 00:04:34,440 My body is made of steel, Virginia. 105 00:04:34,524 --> 00:04:36,234 I'm Superman. 106 00:04:36,317 --> 00:04:38,444 I fell off the roof in college. 107 00:04:38,528 --> 00:04:40,238 Gave me an all-steel body. 108 00:04:40,738 --> 00:04:42,031 Check it. 109 00:04:42,115 --> 00:04:44,200 Yeah, apparently not, Mr. Invincible. 110 00:04:46,202 --> 00:04:47,829 Where's Mistress May? 111 00:04:49,455 --> 00:04:50,498 Oh, um... 112 00:04:51,124 --> 00:04:53,042 That's me. Sort of. Yeah. 113 00:04:53,876 --> 00:04:55,545 I painted my hand, Miffany. 114 00:04:56,629 --> 00:04:57,505 Yeah, I know. 115 00:04:58,006 --> 00:04:59,549 I didn't break my hand. 116 00:05:00,174 --> 00:05:01,301 [knocking at door] 117 00:05:01,884 --> 00:05:03,094 Jaywalking, as always. 118 00:05:03,177 --> 00:05:05,763 A broken leg and a pretty bad knock to the head. 119 00:05:05,847 --> 00:05:07,223 They wanna monitor him overnight 120 00:05:07,306 --> 00:05:09,142 just to make sure he's normally such an idiot. 121 00:05:10,643 --> 00:05:11,853 Are you Mr. Miles's fiancée? 122 00:05:11,936 --> 00:05:15,189 Apparently, I'm still on all his emergency contact info. 123 00:05:15,273 --> 00:05:16,107 Ex-fiancée. 124 00:05:17,066 --> 00:05:17,900 And who are you? 125 00:05:17,984 --> 00:05:19,318 Oh, I'm… 126 00:05:19,402 --> 00:05:20,278 um... 127 00:05:21,154 --> 00:05:22,488 his girlfriend. 128 00:05:23,448 --> 00:05:24,824 He must really lay the pipe. 129 00:05:25,908 --> 00:05:26,951 [Doug] Oh, my God. 130 00:05:28,411 --> 00:05:30,204 [voice breaking] I have two hands. 131 00:05:32,874 --> 00:05:36,336 I'm checking his vitals. He's having a truly insane reaction to these drugs. 132 00:05:36,419 --> 00:05:37,587 [Doug] Two hands! 133 00:05:39,714 --> 00:05:40,757 Do you smoke pot? 134 00:05:44,218 --> 00:05:45,053 Yeah. 135 00:05:45,553 --> 00:05:47,555 [dance music playing] 136 00:05:53,561 --> 00:05:54,645 Hey there. 137 00:05:55,730 --> 00:05:57,523 Ugh. So many layers. 138 00:05:59,525 --> 00:06:00,568 Thank you. 139 00:06:02,028 --> 00:06:02,945 Thanks. 140 00:06:03,988 --> 00:06:04,822 Oh, shit. 141 00:06:07,200 --> 00:06:09,327 [eerie woodwind music playing] 142 00:06:10,119 --> 00:06:12,205 You dropped that, dude. 143 00:06:13,623 --> 00:06:14,874 Holy shit. 144 00:06:15,375 --> 00:06:17,668 -Hey, man. -What's up, sexy? 145 00:06:18,711 --> 00:06:19,587 Whoa. 146 00:06:20,046 --> 00:06:23,299 -What are you doing over there? -Yeah, I thought I'd see you here. 147 00:06:23,383 --> 00:06:25,009 Really? I'm that predictable? 148 00:06:25,093 --> 00:06:27,470 -[man] You are. Oh, my God. -I don't know. 149 00:06:28,054 --> 00:06:29,305 [Frank] This is like that movie. 150 00:06:29,389 --> 00:06:30,723 -The one where-- -Pete. 151 00:06:32,141 --> 00:06:33,226 Oh, my God. 152 00:06:33,768 --> 00:06:36,437 You are about to meet you. 153 00:06:37,688 --> 00:06:40,900 This is some Lindsay Lowman shit I just can't handle. 154 00:06:42,944 --> 00:06:43,903 Pete… 155 00:06:45,154 --> 00:06:46,948 this is Patrick. 156 00:06:49,325 --> 00:06:50,409 Nice to meet you, man. 157 00:06:52,787 --> 00:06:54,122 Patricia. 158 00:06:54,205 --> 00:06:55,873 [Tiff] Are you sure we can do this? 159 00:06:55,957 --> 00:06:57,875 -[Gina] Who cares? -[Tiff laughs] 160 00:06:57,959 --> 00:06:59,210 [Gina] Wait, wait, wait. 161 00:06:59,293 --> 00:07:00,586 Hold on. Pause. 162 00:07:01,963 --> 00:07:03,714 You would mail men your panties? 163 00:07:04,715 --> 00:07:06,384 Mm-hmm. [giggles] 164 00:07:07,218 --> 00:07:09,804 Yeah, I mean, eventually, I would, you know, meet up with them 165 00:07:09,887 --> 00:07:11,931 at, like, Starbucks or something like that, 166 00:07:12,014 --> 00:07:12,932 and then… 167 00:07:13,724 --> 00:07:15,393 Yeah, I would, like, go to the bathroom 168 00:07:15,476 --> 00:07:18,396 and then come out and present them to them. 169 00:07:18,479 --> 00:07:20,940 Like, a little sweat in them, wet, 170 00:07:21,941 --> 00:07:23,443 just a little bit of pee. 171 00:07:23,526 --> 00:07:26,445 Honey, you have lived. 172 00:07:26,529 --> 00:07:27,405 [laughs] 173 00:07:27,488 --> 00:07:28,739 And what would you make? 174 00:07:29,574 --> 00:07:32,160 I don't know. It depends. Usually, like, 100 bucks. 175 00:07:32,910 --> 00:07:34,704 Oh, I need to start doing that. 176 00:07:34,787 --> 00:07:35,705 Right? 177 00:07:37,498 --> 00:07:40,585 And then I met this domme, Mistress Mira, 178 00:07:41,711 --> 00:07:44,964 and, I don't know, something just… clicked, you know? 179 00:07:45,465 --> 00:07:46,549 She made me feel… 180 00:07:47,383 --> 00:07:49,510 confident and strong and powerful. 181 00:07:49,594 --> 00:07:51,596 Everything that I really wasn't. 182 00:07:52,889 --> 00:07:53,931 Then… 183 00:07:54,849 --> 00:07:57,435 Yeah, I don't know. It helps pay for grad school. 184 00:07:58,144 --> 00:08:01,397 What do you need grad school for? What you do now sounds so much better. 185 00:08:01,481 --> 00:08:02,356 [laughs] 186 00:08:02,440 --> 00:08:04,525 -Yeah. -[Gina chuckling] 187 00:08:04,609 --> 00:08:06,068 I think that sometimes. 188 00:08:13,075 --> 00:08:15,411 You know I don't love him, right? 189 00:08:15,495 --> 00:08:17,455 Like, really, I don't. 190 00:08:18,122 --> 00:08:20,458 I mean, I have love for him, but… 191 00:08:21,626 --> 00:08:24,503 I don't think I actually was ever really in love with him. 192 00:08:26,464 --> 00:08:28,674 It's wild to be back in the hospital with him. 193 00:08:30,134 --> 00:08:31,636 We started dating, like, 194 00:08:32,261 --> 00:08:35,264 three weeks before he fell off that fucking roof. 195 00:08:36,682 --> 00:08:39,769 I'm a senior fucking a freshman, 196 00:08:40,269 --> 00:08:41,979 so I'm already living in shame. 197 00:08:42,063 --> 00:08:44,774 -[laughs] -And then, oops, 198 00:08:44,857 --> 00:08:47,026 this little boy's all laid up in a hospital, 199 00:08:47,109 --> 00:08:49,070 with no one around and no one to help. 200 00:08:49,946 --> 00:08:53,908 And I just thought, "I can't leave him alone." 201 00:08:54,534 --> 00:08:55,660 So I didn't. 202 00:08:55,743 --> 00:08:57,536 I sat with him every day. 203 00:08:57,620 --> 00:08:58,788 I took care of him. 204 00:08:59,914 --> 00:09:04,252 'Cause, I don't know, I thought I had to, which is dumb, maybe. 205 00:09:05,670 --> 00:09:08,839 The first year we dated, I was his nurse, 206 00:09:08,923 --> 00:09:11,092 his family, his everything… 207 00:09:12,593 --> 00:09:14,845 But I never really felt like his girlfriend. 208 00:09:18,182 --> 00:09:19,850 [Pete] What the fuck is going on? 209 00:09:20,560 --> 00:09:22,103 -What are you talking about? -[scoffs] 210 00:09:22,186 --> 00:09:24,730 He looks just like me, and his name is Patricia. 211 00:09:26,107 --> 00:09:28,568 -[Josh] His name is Patrick. -Don't play dumb with me, fuckface. 212 00:09:28,651 --> 00:09:30,653 What? We dated. Who cares? 213 00:09:30,736 --> 00:09:33,698 It was just easier to keep Patricia as the code name. Sue me. 214 00:09:34,282 --> 00:09:36,784 Am I causing a problem? I… 215 00:09:37,785 --> 00:09:38,661 Uh... 216 00:09:38,744 --> 00:09:41,998 You don't think we look, like, exactly the same? 217 00:09:42,582 --> 00:09:43,916 Yeah, Josh has a type. 218 00:09:44,000 --> 00:09:45,543 -[sighs] -Oh. 219 00:09:45,626 --> 00:09:47,003 Well, I didn't know that. 220 00:09:47,086 --> 00:09:49,130 I didn't know I was one of many Little Orphan Annies 221 00:09:49,213 --> 00:09:51,716 that Josh was picking up and then sending back to Miss Hannigan 222 00:09:51,799 --> 00:09:53,342 when he was done fucking our brains out. 223 00:09:53,426 --> 00:09:54,260 Pete, stop. 224 00:09:54,343 --> 00:09:57,179 And I didn't know that, on our first date, when you said I wasn't special, 225 00:09:57,263 --> 00:09:59,307 you actually fucking meant it. 226 00:09:59,390 --> 00:10:00,224 Hey. 227 00:10:02,268 --> 00:10:03,477 Can I kiss you? 228 00:10:04,937 --> 00:10:07,273 [scoffs, laughs] 229 00:10:07,356 --> 00:10:08,566 Excuse me? 230 00:10:08,649 --> 00:10:10,860 Can I kiss you? 231 00:10:11,819 --> 00:10:12,862 [Pete] Um... 232 00:10:15,281 --> 00:10:16,240 Why? 233 00:10:17,742 --> 00:10:20,578 You are so beautiful. 234 00:10:23,122 --> 00:10:25,166 It's like giving yourself a compliment, but… 235 00:10:26,375 --> 00:10:27,501 thank you. 236 00:10:49,440 --> 00:10:51,233 [snoring] 237 00:10:52,943 --> 00:10:54,695 You know, that whole year, we didn't have sex. 238 00:10:56,489 --> 00:10:59,283 -What? No. -Yes. 239 00:10:59,367 --> 00:11:01,869 -The man was in a full-body cast. -How? 240 00:11:01,952 --> 00:11:03,746 I mean, what the hell was I supposed to do, 241 00:11:03,829 --> 00:11:04,705 climb on top? 242 00:11:04,789 --> 00:11:06,791 [both laughing] 243 00:11:07,958 --> 00:11:08,959 Yeah. 244 00:11:10,336 --> 00:11:11,504 Oh, my gosh. 245 00:11:12,296 --> 00:11:13,881 So, when he got better, 246 00:11:14,382 --> 00:11:16,217 he asked me to marry him, 247 00:11:16,300 --> 00:11:19,345 which is a classic shit Doug move. 248 00:11:20,846 --> 00:11:23,974 He thought he was rewarding me for all the time I stayed by his side. 249 00:11:24,475 --> 00:11:26,352 You know, it's so fucked up. 250 00:11:26,936 --> 00:11:29,897 The most precious thing a man thinks he can give a woman 251 00:11:29,980 --> 00:11:33,609 is his ownership, his name, his security. 252 00:11:33,693 --> 00:11:34,652 Hello? 253 00:11:35,403 --> 00:11:37,488 I was your security, you clown. 254 00:11:39,573 --> 00:11:42,368 But back then, I didn't know I could say no, 255 00:11:42,952 --> 00:11:44,704 so I said yes. 256 00:11:45,996 --> 00:11:47,707 And then a big, old, 257 00:11:48,499 --> 00:11:50,584 emphasis on old, 258 00:11:50,668 --> 00:11:52,712 rich man said, 259 00:11:53,671 --> 00:11:55,923 "Let me take care of you for a change." 260 00:11:56,006 --> 00:11:59,718 And no one had ever said that to me before… 261 00:12:00,886 --> 00:12:01,804 so I left. 262 00:12:03,431 --> 00:12:06,976 And then that went belly-up too, for opposite reasons, and I just thought, 263 00:12:07,560 --> 00:12:10,312 "You know, maybe it's not them, it's me." 264 00:12:11,230 --> 00:12:12,481 So I went to an ashram 265 00:12:12,565 --> 00:12:15,776 and started carrying around bags and bags of crystals. 266 00:12:15,860 --> 00:12:16,902 [laughing] 267 00:12:16,986 --> 00:12:18,612 So, what is that? 268 00:12:18,696 --> 00:12:20,614 I don't know. They make me happy. 269 00:12:23,075 --> 00:12:24,160 Someone said, 270 00:12:24,910 --> 00:12:27,747 "Come, live a different life," 271 00:12:28,914 --> 00:12:30,833 and I said… 272 00:12:31,834 --> 00:12:32,752 "Yes," 273 00:12:33,461 --> 00:12:35,588 and it was an honest yes. 274 00:12:37,840 --> 00:12:40,217 I look like a bad person to a lot of people, 275 00:12:41,218 --> 00:12:43,387 but I finally did what was best for me. 276 00:12:45,890 --> 00:12:47,224 Yeah, I… 277 00:12:48,350 --> 00:12:52,146 I don't think I've ever really been good at caring for other people. 278 00:12:53,731 --> 00:12:54,857 Oh, God. 279 00:12:54,940 --> 00:12:57,735 I don't mean to scare you away from this man. 280 00:12:58,235 --> 00:12:59,403 He's a good man. 281 00:12:59,862 --> 00:13:02,823 As far as men go, he's quality beef. 282 00:13:03,783 --> 00:13:05,159 He's just not my man. 283 00:13:09,955 --> 00:13:10,831 But, honey, 284 00:13:11,415 --> 00:13:14,543 when that full-body cast came off, he really shut it down. 285 00:13:15,753 --> 00:13:17,254 -Right? -Oh, my God. 286 00:13:17,338 --> 00:13:19,340 He, like, really knows what he's doing. 287 00:13:19,423 --> 00:13:21,425 -Yes. -Shocking. 288 00:13:21,509 --> 00:13:22,468 I know! 289 00:13:22,551 --> 00:13:24,178 If I remember it correctly, 290 00:13:24,261 --> 00:13:26,722 it's thick. 291 00:13:26,805 --> 00:13:28,307 -So thick. -Oh, my God. 292 00:13:28,390 --> 00:13:29,850 I mean, I was like-- 293 00:13:29,934 --> 00:13:34,814 Right at first, I was like, "Excuse me, get that beer can away from me, please." 294 00:13:34,897 --> 00:13:36,357 -And then… -And then… 295 00:13:38,651 --> 00:13:39,735 Yeah. 296 00:13:39,819 --> 00:13:41,820 [both chuckling softly] 297 00:13:46,617 --> 00:13:47,660 Do you love him? 298 00:13:53,415 --> 00:13:54,834 I don't know if I can. 299 00:13:56,544 --> 00:14:00,172 I mean, I'm still working on that for myself. 300 00:14:10,933 --> 00:14:12,977 [monitor beeping] 301 00:14:28,409 --> 00:14:29,451 This is really hot. 302 00:14:29,535 --> 00:14:32,079 Yeah, what do you wanna do with us? 303 00:14:32,162 --> 00:14:34,164 Yeah, what do you want to do with us? 304 00:14:34,248 --> 00:14:37,001 -Your little boy twins. -Your little boy twi-- What? 305 00:14:37,084 --> 00:14:38,294 Twins. Go with it, Pete. 306 00:14:38,377 --> 00:14:41,088 Actually, you know what? I don't wanna do a twin thing. 307 00:14:41,171 --> 00:14:44,633 -I'm not really into that. -Pete, he's just talking dirty, baby. 308 00:14:44,717 --> 00:14:47,136 It's too dirty for me. I wanna bleach that dirty talk. 309 00:14:47,219 --> 00:14:49,847 -Okay. -Aren't you a dom? 310 00:14:50,890 --> 00:14:53,100 Yeah, but that's, like, beside the point. 311 00:14:53,183 --> 00:14:54,894 -[sighs] -I don't wanna do a twincest thing, 312 00:14:54,977 --> 00:14:56,937 so keep twincest in your family, where it belongs. 313 00:14:57,021 --> 00:14:59,648 Pete, Pete, Pete. Pete. 314 00:15:02,651 --> 00:15:03,736 Come on, bro. 315 00:15:05,362 --> 00:15:06,989 Come on. 316 00:15:07,072 --> 00:15:10,868 [chuckles] You know what? I'm actually, like, not really into this. 317 00:15:13,662 --> 00:15:14,914 [Josh] Yeah. No. Um... 318 00:15:15,873 --> 00:15:18,834 Yeah. No, you're, um... You're right. I'm sorry. 319 00:15:18,918 --> 00:15:20,794 [Pete] I'm just  really weirded out right now. 320 00:15:20,878 --> 00:15:21,712 [Josh] Okay. 321 00:15:22,963 --> 00:15:23,881 Patrick… 322 00:15:24,840 --> 00:15:25,966 I think you should go. 323 00:15:27,176 --> 00:15:28,135 [scoffs] 324 00:15:30,679 --> 00:15:32,931 Oh, I'm... [chuckles] 325 00:15:33,015 --> 00:15:34,099 Oh, I'm going. 326 00:15:34,183 --> 00:15:36,226 Yeah, believe me, I am going. 327 00:15:38,938 --> 00:15:40,606 You're weirded out? You? 328 00:15:41,315 --> 00:15:43,984 I'm fucking weirded out by you two. 329 00:15:45,861 --> 00:15:49,990 So close-minded and, and, and... judgmental. 330 00:15:50,074 --> 00:15:51,742 It's called role-play, queer. 331 00:15:54,078 --> 00:15:56,455 And I am triggered as fuck. 332 00:15:57,206 --> 00:15:59,792 I will tell you. Because I had a twin… 333 00:16:00,751 --> 00:16:02,044 who died in the womb. 334 00:16:02,127 --> 00:16:04,713 So you have disrespected 335 00:16:04,797 --> 00:16:06,674 my brother's unborn life. 336 00:16:07,257 --> 00:16:10,594 Okay, that's problematic on so many levels. 337 00:16:10,678 --> 00:16:12,721 Yeah, well, you're fucking problematic. 338 00:16:12,805 --> 00:16:15,432 -Come on. -You fucking fake-ass sex worker. 339 00:16:15,516 --> 00:16:16,642 [laughs] 340 00:16:16,725 --> 00:16:19,436 Parading around like you do this for a living 341 00:16:20,187 --> 00:16:21,355 for your comedy show. 342 00:16:21,438 --> 00:16:23,399 -That's right. -Don't throw that. 343 00:16:23,482 --> 00:16:25,693 I looked your pale ass up online 344 00:16:25,776 --> 00:16:27,569 'cause I'm like that. 345 00:16:27,653 --> 00:16:29,238 [objects clattering] 346 00:16:29,363 --> 00:16:34,368 Fucking judgmental, sex-negative asshole! 347 00:16:34,451 --> 00:16:35,494 -Patrick. -My books. 348 00:16:35,577 --> 00:16:36,412 I'm so sorry. 349 00:16:37,454 --> 00:16:42,334 Good luck with your closeted boyfriend who fetishizes small redheaded boys. 350 00:16:42,418 --> 00:16:45,003 I hope you think of me every time you fuck. 351 00:16:46,964 --> 00:16:48,298 Okay. Wow. 352 00:16:48,382 --> 00:16:49,383 You know what? 353 00:16:50,843 --> 00:16:52,302 Oh! Come on. 354 00:16:59,435 --> 00:17:00,811 Get a fucking door! 355 00:17:11,613 --> 00:17:13,198 How long did you two date for? 356 00:17:14,700 --> 00:17:16,493 Um, two years. 357 00:17:18,912 --> 00:17:20,289 Was he always that crazy? 358 00:17:22,499 --> 00:17:23,375 Yeah. 359 00:17:28,380 --> 00:17:29,840 We have a lot to talk about. 360 00:17:29,923 --> 00:17:31,842 ["Lift Off" by Adam Crystal playing] fuck.