Whoo, isn't this amazing, Kendra?
The Princess Party Room is the most popular of all the party rooms
at BJ BananaFingers.
Very exclusive. All of the dresses are from real dead princesses.
I know, Dad.
But your daddy got you the best of the best
because your daddy loves you the best of the best.
What about me?
I said what I said, son.
We're not slumming it in some duchess room or countess room.
You're my princess, so you get princess no matter the priciness.
Thanks. It's the best room.
Oh, gotta take this.
What?
You tell that bastard if he doesn't sign the deal right now,
I'm gonna climb up his hair like Rapunzel and punch him in the face!
Are you not having a good time?
No. This party is whack. Wiggity, wiggity, wiggity whack.
Three wiggities? On your birthday?
I don't like the sound of that.
You know what? We can make a break for it, okay?
And go where?
Somewhere magical. Trust me.
Okay.
Now.
I'm gonna lose a glass slipper up his ass.
This way. Come on!
Over here. Run!
Well, don't waste time being in awe.
Get out there.
Wiggity, wiggity, wiggity wonderful!
Good morning, Fun Floor family!
Good morning, Kendra.
What do all 365 days have in common? Kyle?
Um, they all end in Y?
-Monica? -Every day is someone's birthday.
That's right. And today is Hunter's birthday.
So today is all about Hunter.
If Hunter's parents wanted a cookie-cutter, ready-made,
one-size-fits-all, assembly-line birthday,
they could visit our friends at Charles Entertainment Cheese.
But they come to BJ BananaFingers for a bespoke, once-in-a-lifetime,
magical birthday experience.
Here's the dossier on today's special boy.
You have 30 seconds to read, memorize, and internalize.
Tito Tuna, what the hell happened to your head? Bonk!
You never take any part of your costume off
while you're on the floor. You understand?
Mm-hmm.
All right, folks. Let's go BananaFinger some kids.
Girl chewing gum, three o'clock. That better not end up on someone's shoe.
Why is there a wobbly table on my floor?
-Um, which table? -You tell me.
-Uh, table eight. -Good girl. Fix it.
Oh God.
Hunter!
Did you read the one-sheet?
It clearly says grapes must be cut in quarters.
He's 12. I thought that was a joke.
Why would I put a joke on the one-sheet? Do I look like Bernie Mac to you?
-Uhh… -Don't answer that!
Six years of birthdays and we're still cutting the grapes?
I know. I never taught him to chew, like the other dads.
Don't blame yourself. You were always at work.
Ah-ah-ah. It's okay. Here's what we're gonna do.
First, start cutting his grapes in thirds.
Give it time. Then half, then whole but peeled.
Then finally, whole and unpeeled.
I'm gonna see you here next year and we're all gonna be eating grapes.
Let's reserve your spot before you leave today.
We love you, Kendra.
Jax, you home?
You would not believe the day I had.
-Well, I-- -Let's just eat.
Mm. It's good.
Thank you. Better than the stuff you make on your nights.
-Nuh-uh. I make good food. -Tilapia with cheese and olives?
Wait. You don't like my pizza fish?
You work at a restaurant. Bring home--
You know we're not allowed to take food off-site.
Oh my God. Kendra, I was joking.
I don't joke about my job, Jaclyn.
There's nothing funny about working at BJ BananaFingers'
kooky-ooky, giggle-wiggle, wacky-snacky, birthday-berserky Fun Floor.
You take work way too seriously.
I have a job, but I still make it home on time.
That's your job.
And what is my job?
Girl, I don't have time for the games.
-You don't know what I do. -Of course I do!
You are a megaphone person.
-I'm a hostage negotiator! -For real?
I let a man get shot so I could have dinner with you.
Oh my God! Is he okay?
I don't know, because my workday ends at 6:00.
Listen! We can fix this!
You're my world.
You're my only priority.
Hold on, I'm getting a call. I gotta take this. It's my boss.
-Fine. Let's take work calls. Romantic. -Veronica! How are you?
I'll do it too.
Jerry, hey. I'd like to pull some overtime…
-Really? -…because I'm a workaholic that doesn't…
-What? -…care about my girlfriend.
Yes, thank you. I'll see you tomorrow.
Okay, I'm on my way. How do you like it?
I was accepted into the BJ BananaFingers management training program.
Management training? What happened to "I'm your world"?
Yeah, I guess you're not! This isn't gonna work. Best of luck.
What? No! We can make this work.
I was being needy. But I can be less needy.
Like a succulent.
I gotta go to Beirut. But let's talk when I get back.
Or not talk! Whatever's good for you.
I'll wait for your call! I believe in us!
She's a terrible negotiator.
No wonder that guy got shot.
Good morning, Kendra!
BananaFingers.
Oh!
Oh my God, desk chairs? What is this, fourth grade?
My parents are getting divorced, I wet my pants and everybody laughs at me?
Hey, Noah Wapner. Wharton '06.
Lily Cardigan. Booth '04.
Devin Whiteley. Stern '05.
Kendra Hooper.
Okay, good luck.
Hello, everyone!
You're all here because you have the potential to succeed.
But I'll tell you right now, most of you will not.
If we haven't met, my name's Veronica.
If you make it through my program, you'll be set for life at this company.
But stay on my good side,
because I can send you packing if you even look at me funny.
Okay. My lawyer's indicating that I cannot send you packing for looking at me funny.
But still, don't look at me funny.
Just, like, as a favor to me, okay? Yeah?
Let's get into it. What do all 365 days have in common?
Every day is someone's birthday!
So cute!
Every day is a new opportunity to monetize, maximize, and optimize.
Monetize, maximize, optimize.
Hey, Keyonna, I wouldn't worry about that.
They always bring in one trainee from the floor for optics.
It's like an affirmative action thing.
This is as far as you'll get, but you should still be so proud.
My name is Kendra.
Okay, Kendra.
You smell like pepperoni.
Oh.
Mm. Mm-hm.
And I really did have pizza in my pocket!
Oh, that is inopportune.
I don't know if I'm cut out for management.
Maybe being on the floor is my ceiling?
Kendra, I came home for the summer to be gay in San Francisco,
not to build your pathetic ass back up.
David! Please!
Fine. Let's start with this.
You tell them B-school D-bags that they got you twisted.
We from Oakland, baby! We don't play! Ain't that right, Saul?
Yes, yes. They've got her very twisted.
You gotta toughen up. What did Dad always say?
"You're my favorite, I love you more than David"?
No! You gotta be twice as good to get half as much.
Except, you gonna be twice as good and get twice as much.
Yes! Oh, I smell like pizza, Noah?
You look like pizza, old crater-faced bitch! Gotcha!
-Okay, yes, but do not say that. -Oh, I know.
You gotta hold on to that anger.
Put that anger in a pot.
Cut up some carrots and celery and get a little angry stew going.
Slow cook that anger now.
Keep it on the back burner. Get it good and ready.
You better keep the lid on tight!
Can I lift the lid for a second? Get a taste? Get focused?
-Girl, don't you touch that lid. -Damn! Can I get a sniff?
Don't you lift that lid off that anger while it cooks! Okay?
Ha! It's ready.
It's party time
At BJ BananaFingers We party all the time
Having fun that never ends We could be your very best friends
Good morning, Kendra.
The six tenets of business are…
Everybody movin', and everybody groovin' That's the BJ BananaFingers way
So make a wish and be yourself It's your birthday
The ten principles of management are…
The 700 maxims of power are…
I haven't even asked a question.
But I have the answer!
There were ten in the class, now there's six. They can't get rid of me.
-I'm like Sanjaya. -Cool.
-Anyway, I also had a great summer-- -Lorena thinks she knows what's up,
but she doesn't understand basic P&L. That's bush league, Lorena!
-Okay, meanwhile-- -Is there a bee?
I'm going back to school, so maybe we can focus on my goodbye dinner.
-No doubt, David. Tonight's all about you. -Thank you.
I hear a buzzing bee.
-Are you hearing that? -No.
It's okay. No bee's gonna throw me off my game.
Gotta think harder. Work smarter. Optimize. Jazzercise. Bette Davis eyes.
Kendra, sweetheart, you work at an arcade.
-A premium family fun experience center. -You're taking this too seriously.
I know I'm not getting career advice
from the guy who took a year off college to work at a Gap.
I took a "gap" year.
I did not work at a Gap. I was volunteering in Honduras.
So I misremembered. Banana Republic.
-You'll burn yourself out. -You don't hear buzzing? Like thunder.
You better find some balance. You need a hobby,
-or church or something. -Church?
They're not all like Mom's church.
I found a progressive one.
Our Jesus is mixed race, queer, and died of old age.
-What? -It's something to believe in. Okay?
I believe in BJ BananaFingers.
Huh!
Bee.
Pull it together, girl. Come on, Kendra.
Hoo-ah. Brrr.
Hey, boss. Everything okay?
I'm better than okay. I'm pumped.
I'm stoked. Today is Brad's birthday.
What a beautiful day to be alive.
It's Chad's birthday?
You think I don't know that? "Brad" is my nickname for Chad.
I just wanted to circle back about the cake?
Oh my God, Monica! Every little…
My brain is already five birthdays ahead, and you want to circle back about a cake?
Why don't you buzz around somebody else for a change, you buzzy, buzzy bee?
What the heck? This isn't a future cake.
Actually, Chad, this cake is the most futuristic of all.
It represents true unknown, because the future is what you make of it.
What?
Kendra, what happened at Chad's birthday?
Monica dropped the ball, but I talked to her.
-Won't happen again. -Hey. I'm rooting for you.
I came up from the floor just like you, and I love seeing us win,
but I need someone who can do both jobs. I need you to be a killer.
Of course! I'm a tiger shark,
a land killer and a sea killer combined in one.
Uh-huh. We're making our final selection soon.
Stay on top of things.
I'm on top! I'm on top like RoboCop!
Never stop! Chop, chop, chop! Snap! Crackle! Pop!
Your phone is ringing.
This better not be important!
Dad had a heart attack.
It's not important.
Your father is stable for now.
-We'll know more when he wakes up. -Ugh.
-And when will that be? -I don't know. I'll ask.
Hey, do you know when you're gonna wake up?
He doesn't know.
Dad! You gotta wake up. I got a lot on my plate.
I need to know your crappy heart works so I can get out of here.
Just wake up! I know you're going to, so just do it now so I can go to work!
Wake up! Argh!
-Clear! -No.
So, Asif's party isn't until 2:00 p.m.
I'll be there, but just in case, here are my instructions.
Where are all the doctors? Someone needs to wake him up.
We're understaffed. Today's Rosh Hashanah.
-What the hell's a Rosha-sha-sha? -It's the Jewish New Year.
New Year? It is September.
Do I look like Boo-Boo the Fool? Or one of your little friends?
Or your little friend Boo-Boo the Fool? I'm about to sue this whole hospital.
Good luck finding a lawyer today.
So you conveniently leave town right before this heart attack?
I'm starting to feel set up, David.
Yes, I gave our father a high-cholesterol diet,
decades of career stress, and the occasional post-scotch scotch
so his heart would explode,
and then I conveniently went back to college as a goof.
Gay old Jesus Christ, David!
It was just a panic attack. Is all this necessary?
If I get fired, I'll win the lottery and buy this hospital.
Time to go night-night.
-Then we'll see who's doing the firing. -There you go, honey.
Pew, pew.
What the hell is this?
I'm supposed to have a private room! Nurse! Nurse!
Dad? You're awake?
Kendra, what are you doing here?
I'm supposed to have a private room!
I'm good, Dad. It was just a panic attack. How are you feeling?
Oh fine. This ain't my first heart attack.
Dad, you've got to slow down. You're going to kill yourself.
Six unsuccessful heart attacks say otherwise, baby.
Six heart attacks is not good!
No? Let me tell you what six heart attacks got you.
-I know, Dad. -They got you the best education.
They got you vacations in Turks and Caicos.
They got you a BJ BananaFingers birthday every year
while your friends smacked street piñatas with whiffle bats.
My heart attacks are a source of pride.
Not a person on this Earth is getting out alive,
but how many can say they pushed themselves to the limit?
Dad, just say, "Thank you, Kendra, for being here for me."
Why? You're not a doctor or a nurse. You can't help me.
When I need a race car birthday, I'll let you know.
Ugh.
Um…
Oh, uh…
Rosh Hashanah!
-What? -Rosh Hashanah!
That's why I couldn't come to work yesterday.
Jewish New Year.
Wait, you're Jewish?
-How are you Jewish? -Delightfully?
But… You're Jewish! Of course.
Good. We love the Jews!
Oh, um, we feel neutral about the Jews.
Hope your holiday was reflective and meaningful
and that you came up with a lot of ideas about how to save our company money.
Not because you're Jewish.
Secular money-saving ideas.
You got it!
-Jewish, huh? -Yep!
Fantastic. What shul do you go to?
Um, I'm between shuls right now.
Okay.
What kind of Jewish? Reform, Conservative, Reconstructionist?
I'm a bit of all those things.
I'm like a KFC/Taco Bell/Pizza Hut of Jewish.
But who are your people? Ashkenazi? Sephardic?
Obviously Ashkenazi!
-Litvak or Galitzianer? -Clearly Litvak.
Like Litvak from Vilna or Litvak from Vitebsk?
-What do you think? -I'm getting Vitebsk vibes.
Mel Brooks or Albert Brooks?
Why choose?
That settles it!
You're coming to my shul for Yom Kippur. I have an extra $400 ticket.
Oh, I couldn't.
You couldn't come to shul on Yom Kippur?
-I mean… -You are Jewish, right?
You didn't just say that to keep your job and stay in the program?
Because if you did…
I'll see you there!
There's an ATM across the street, so pay me back whenever.
"Along with his sons Ruben, Levi, Judah, Zebulun…"
Zebulun? What kind of Jedi-ass name is…
Ooh. Pensions and severance! "Vested BJ Banana Buddies are entitled--"
Ah!
Go! Talk! Now!
Honey, are you okay?
I'm doing great! I just gotta really know my stuff.
I think this one guy is on to me. He's real sneaky like that.
I'm not saying that because he's Jewish!
-I didn't know he was. -There's a lot you don't know.
-What're they teaching you at school? -Not who's Jewish.
Now that we're talking about you, I'd love to chat,
but I got a hot date and I need to get ready. Bye!
I gotta tell you, your picture does not do you justice.
And it is a good picture!
Yeah. Hey, explain to me…
I don't understand the fence around the Torah. Is it physical or…
Whoa, okay. I'm a rabbi as a job,
but I don't need to be a rabbi all the time.
I also like movies. I like basketball. I love the Warriors, for instance.
-The movie or the basketball team? -Ah-ha!
I don't have time for this. If you don't wanna talk Jew with me,
why are you trying to meet people on JDate?
The fence around the Torah is a metaphor.
Follow a stricter observance than the Torah commands
so you don't break a rule by mistake.
Okay, but why can't folks just actually read the rules and then follow them?
This seems like too many people can't handle simple instructions. Am I wrong?
I love your interrogative approach. Where did you go to day school?
Oh, I'm not really Jewish.
I just wanted to get you here so I could ask questions.
What is an afikoman, and how do I find it?
Well, you may be surprised, but you not being Jewish
is not necessarily a deal-breaker for me.
Oh, I'm also a full-bore gay.
Also not a deal-breaker.
I don't know how else to say it. Who's got ideas?
Um, if we're willing to scale back on the BJ BananaFingers experience…
Hate it! Hate you! Get out of my life forever.
I regret knowing you.
Yeah, cry about it. You're lucky you're cute.
What? Oh, I can't say anything?
Um, I do have an idea that could save us some money.
Our Jermaine Jellyfish has been an employee of this franchise
for 30 years as of next week.
If she were to retire, she'd be entitled to a pretty massive pension.
Unless…
we fired her before next week.
That's pretty cutthroat, Kendra.
It's not personal. Sometimes you gotta be a killer.
I like it.
But we can't fire anyone without cause.
Hey! Jermaine Jellyfish, just wanted to tell you what a great job you're doing.
No, wait.
I could just use one of those hugs too, you know?
Ow! Ow! Ow!
Ah! Ah! Wah!
Oh my God, Jermaine Jellyfish, what happened?
This way! Come on.
It's you. The princess who saved my birthday.
I didn't know you still worked here all this time.
You have no idea what that meant to me.
For the first time in my life, somebody saw me.
Oh.
-That's nice. -Yeah.
But, unfortunately, it's company policy that costumed characters
cannot remove any part of their costume while on the floor.
What? But I--
So you're fired. Effective immediately.
-No! -I'm so sorry. I don't make the rules.
-You don't have to do this. -It's gonna be okay.
-You'll be okay. -I won't be okay.
You don't have to do this! I don't have anything except this job
and a few hundred shares of stock in something called Lululemon.
You're making a scene, and not a fun scene.
Gather your things. Security will see you out.
Back to work, everyone!
They all hate me.
You won't be on the floor with them much longer anyway.
How about you and I get lunch tomorrow to discuss your future at the company?
I can't tomorrow. It's Yom Kippur.
Oh, right. When you get back then.
Uh, Yom Kippur Tupac Shakur to you.
Do you know if a guy named Noah is here?
There's probably, like, 50 Noahs in here.
These are the prayers of confession. We're saying how we've sinned.
We have trespassed. We have betrayed.
I have trespassed. I have betrayed.
We have deceived. We have mocked.
I have deceived. I have mocked.
No, sweetie.
We. We have.