1
00:00:17,666 --> 00:00:19,416
Whoa!

2
00:00:25,208 --> 00:00:27,541
Daddy! Guess what? I biked the whole--

3
00:00:27,625 --> 00:00:29,500
Not now, Naomi. I want to relax.

4
00:00:29,583 --> 00:00:32,333
Throw to third,
you schlimazel of a schmendrick!

5
00:00:32,416 --> 00:00:34,125
-A curse on you…
-Mama! Guess what?

6
00:00:34,208 --> 00:00:38,000
I'm dealing with this mashugana oven.
Brisket's dryer than a Jack Benny routine.

7
00:00:38,083 --> 00:00:41,083
-Ma! Susan won't get off the phone!
-I've never been so mortified…

8
00:00:41,166 --> 00:00:43,625
-Let your sister use the phone!
-I need to tell you something!

9
00:00:43,708 --> 00:00:45,166
Carol just wants the phone free

10
00:00:45,250 --> 00:00:48,166
-because she thinks that boy's gonna call.
-Hey, everyone!

11
00:00:48,250 --> 00:00:50,666
-Listen!
-Why don't you rat me out to the Gestapo?

12
00:00:50,750 --> 00:00:54,083
-I rode my bike!
-Annie! Girls! Enough with the yelling!

13
00:00:54,166 --> 00:00:56,583
I can't hear the Dodgers
but I bet the Dodgers can hear you.

14
00:00:56,666 --> 00:00:58,166
Always with the complaining, Ira.

15
00:00:58,250 --> 00:01:00,916
-God forbid you miss…
-Why would anyone move to California?

16
00:01:01,000 --> 00:01:04,333
-Susan snuck out to see a Tarzan movie.
-Tattletale!

17
00:01:04,416 --> 00:01:06,875
You can see a man without a shirt
when you're married!

18
00:01:06,958 --> 00:01:09,291
Such screaming!
For this, my parents fled Europe?

19
00:01:09,375 --> 00:01:12,625
They were terrorized by the pogroms,
I'm terrorized by my own daughters!

20
00:01:14,666 --> 00:01:16,083
-Are you okay?
-Poor bubbeleh.

21
00:01:16,166 --> 00:01:17,208
What happened?

22
00:01:17,291 --> 00:01:20,708
I biked a whole block by myself!

23
00:01:20,791 --> 00:01:23,166
-You did?
-That's incredible! Oh-ho!

24
00:01:23,250 --> 00:01:24,583
Why didn't you say something?

25
00:02:16,458 --> 00:02:20,166
You said if we're coming down to LA,
let's get a house on the beach.

26
00:02:20,250 --> 00:02:21,625
I'm not criticizing.

27
00:02:21,708 --> 00:02:24,458
I'm just wondering if you might have found
a beach with quieter waves.

28
00:02:26,166 --> 00:02:27,416
Hey, look who's here!

29
00:02:27,500 --> 00:02:29,500
Avi! I love you. I love you. I love you.
Say it back!

30
00:02:29,583 --> 00:02:30,875
Uh-huh. Hi, guys.

31
00:02:30,958 --> 00:02:31,916
-Hi, Grandma!
-Hannah!

32
00:02:32,000 --> 00:02:32,875
-Grandpa!
-Darling.

33
00:02:32,958 --> 00:02:34,750
I love you. I love you. Say it back!

34
00:02:34,833 --> 00:02:36,625
-You don't have to.
-I love you, Grandma.

35
00:02:36,708 --> 00:02:37,541
And Jen.

36
00:02:38,458 --> 00:02:39,333
How's business?

37
00:02:39,416 --> 00:02:40,916
Oh, uh, business is good.

38
00:02:41,000 --> 00:02:44,125
Oh, I got nervous because
I noticed you didn't bring wine,

39
00:02:44,208 --> 00:02:47,333
when I know you get a discount from work,
but if you say it's good, it's good.

40
00:02:47,416 --> 00:02:51,625
-Um…
-Oh, airport flowers. How considerate.

41
00:02:51,708 --> 00:02:53,625
I'll have to find something
to put them in.

42
00:02:53,708 --> 00:02:55,125
I'll take these to your room.

43
00:02:55,208 --> 00:02:56,416
Come on, Hannah.

44
00:02:56,500 --> 00:03:00,500
There's kichel in the kitchen,
with white flour and white sugar.

45
00:03:00,583 --> 00:03:03,458
Not like those crumbly
gluten-agnostic cookies you have at home.

46
00:03:03,541 --> 00:03:06,875
Yes! Real sugar! My love has been bought!

47
00:03:06,958 --> 00:03:09,500
New record! Mom made it a whole 90 seconds

48
00:03:09,583 --> 00:03:11,166
before she undercut our parenting.

49
00:03:11,250 --> 00:03:13,416
Who would bring wine to an intervention?

50
00:03:14,833 --> 00:03:16,666
You know what these towels are for, huh?

51
00:03:16,750 --> 00:03:19,416
Uh, your tone implies
something other than drying,

52
00:03:19,500 --> 00:03:20,500
but that can't be right.

53
00:03:20,583 --> 00:03:23,000
The Soakmaster 9 Jacuzzi,

54
00:03:23,083 --> 00:03:25,458
with underwater lights
and optional waterfall.

55
00:03:25,541 --> 00:03:28,541
I hear it makes the Soakmaster 8
look like a tub of old soup.

56
00:03:28,625 --> 00:03:31,375
But that's only if you trust
the Hot Tub Weekly reviews.

57
00:03:31,458 --> 00:03:33,000
Bunch of hacks, if you ask me.

58
00:03:33,083 --> 00:03:35,750
They've lost their edge
since Gore Vidal died.

59
00:03:37,041 --> 00:03:37,875
Hi!

60
00:03:37,958 --> 00:03:40,333
Oh, I love you. I love you.
I love you. Say it back.

61
00:03:40,416 --> 00:03:42,416
It back!

62
00:03:43,166 --> 00:03:47,791
-Stop! Kendra, they're beautiful.
-I picked them out for your anniversary.

63
00:03:47,875 --> 00:03:52,958
There's some barley blossoms gleaned by
the beautiful Naomi in the Book of Ruth.

64
00:03:53,041 --> 00:03:55,708
And the lilies symbolize love
from the Song of Solomon.

65
00:03:55,791 --> 00:03:58,416
She gets it. You're the perfect
freakin' Jewish daughter.

66
00:03:58,500 --> 00:03:59,916
I know just the place for them.

67
00:04:00,791 --> 00:04:02,208
Mm-hm.

68
00:04:02,291 --> 00:04:04,375
Shira, you're not wearing that tonight.

69
00:04:04,458 --> 00:04:06,791
How was I supposed to dress
for an intervention?

70
00:04:06,875 --> 00:04:10,250
It has to look like an anniversary party.

71
00:04:10,333 --> 00:04:11,666
Yoshi will get suspicious

72
00:04:11,750 --> 00:04:14,666
if he sees you looking like,
and don't take this the wrong way,

73
00:04:14,750 --> 00:04:16,416
a panhandler with clown hair.

74
00:04:16,500 --> 00:04:18,166
What's the right way to take that?

75
00:04:22,916 --> 00:04:26,208
-You know what you're gonna say tonight?
-I was gonna follow your lead.

76
00:04:26,291 --> 00:04:29,208
I gotta be honest, I didn't even know
that Yoshi had a problem.

77
00:04:29,291 --> 00:04:31,000
Me neither. I feel terrible.

78
00:04:31,083 --> 00:04:33,583
I haven't been checking in on him
since he moved to LA.

79
00:04:33,666 --> 00:04:36,500
I know he's been living with
human red flag Danny Wegbreit.

80
00:04:36,583 --> 00:04:40,208
Is not a schnook entitled to
a little intervention every now and then?

81
00:04:40,291 --> 00:04:42,000
You laugh, but a schnook is entitled.

82
00:04:45,625 --> 00:04:47,000
Oh, beach house.

83
00:04:47,083 --> 00:04:49,375
Right, because otherwise,
how would we know?

84
00:04:49,458 --> 00:04:51,083
-Ah!
-Shira, great news.

85
00:04:51,166 --> 00:04:54,458
I knew you wouldn't bring anything decent,
so I packed a dress for you.

86
00:04:54,541 --> 00:04:59,000
Fun. I'll wear my mother's clothes like
that normal guy from the movie Psycho.

87
00:04:59,083 --> 00:05:03,166
Just put on the dress for one night.
And a little makeup wouldn't hurt.

88
00:05:03,250 --> 00:05:04,833
I'm not wearing the dress!

89
00:05:04,916 --> 00:05:06,250
Do I have to wear the dress?

90
00:05:06,333 --> 00:05:10,750
Am I gonna pass up an opportunity to see
my lady's sexy knees? Beach, please.

91
00:05:12,041 --> 00:05:13,958
Want me to say something
about the cookies?

92
00:05:14,041 --> 00:05:15,208
A few cookies won't hurt.

93
00:05:15,291 --> 00:05:17,708
Guess what? Grandma bought me an iPhone.

94
00:05:17,791 --> 00:05:19,708
-The iPhone?!
-Grandma did what?

95
00:05:19,791 --> 00:05:22,083
It's so much better than reading.

96
00:05:22,166 --> 00:05:25,041
I watched a video of a guy
wiping out on a hoverboard.

97
00:05:25,125 --> 00:05:27,583
Oh, I need a hoverboard. Get me one.
I won't wear a helmet.

98
00:05:27,666 --> 00:05:28,875
-Helmets are a hoax.
-What?

99
00:05:28,958 --> 00:05:31,833
Wow, what a nice gift for
Grandma to get you without asking us.

100
00:05:31,916 --> 00:05:33,625
-And it's got all the apps.
-It talks!

101
00:05:33,708 --> 00:05:35,000
-No.
-Isn't this fun?

102
00:05:35,083 --> 00:05:38,250
Now it's like
I'm inside your house whenever I want.

103
00:05:38,333 --> 00:05:40,875
Darling husband,
will you join me in the closet?

104
00:05:40,958 --> 00:05:44,166
There's something I need to hang,
and that something is your mother.

105
00:05:44,250 --> 00:05:45,708
-Hannah cannot have a phone.
-I know.

106
00:05:45,791 --> 00:05:47,666
One of us has to tell Mom to take it back.

107
00:05:47,750 --> 00:05:50,375
Oh, and which one of us
do you think that should that be?

108
00:05:52,041 --> 00:05:55,250
Oh, my baby. You look awful.

109
00:05:55,333 --> 00:05:59,083
Everyone to the living room!
Yoshi's here. He looks terrible.

110
00:05:59,166 --> 00:06:02,625
Cheese attack! Cholesterol!

111
00:06:02,708 --> 00:06:05,708
Thanks for coming down to LA.
It's great for us to be together.

112
00:06:05,791 --> 00:06:08,000
Whoa, what's going on?
Why's Shira dressed weird?

113
00:06:08,083 --> 00:06:09,250
Whatever do you mean?

114
00:06:10,958 --> 00:06:15,291
Everyone, take some wine.
It's not fancy like Jen's wines.

115
00:06:15,375 --> 00:06:18,458
So you don't have to drink it, Jen,
if it's not good enough for you.

116
00:06:18,541 --> 00:06:19,625
Oh, I'm drinking it.

117
00:06:19,708 --> 00:06:20,791
Wine? Seriously?

118
00:06:20,875 --> 00:06:24,041
If he's already a drunk, one more glass
won't make the difference.

119
00:06:24,125 --> 00:06:27,041
And we can't do anniversary toasts
without wine.

120
00:06:27,125 --> 00:06:28,750
Why would we do toasts?

121
00:06:28,833 --> 00:06:30,375
Everyone? Uh, everyone?

122
00:06:30,458 --> 00:06:32,666
Listen, I know we're here
for a joyous occasion,

123
00:06:32,750 --> 00:06:36,625
but there is something
very difficult I need to talk about.

124
00:06:41,125 --> 00:06:43,083
The hot tub isn't heating.

125
00:06:43,166 --> 00:06:45,125
Seriously? Dad, no one cares.

126
00:06:45,208 --> 00:06:46,791
I'm not nobody! And I care!

127
00:06:46,875 --> 00:06:50,625
There were better houses on the website.
But we chose this house for the hot tub!

128
00:06:50,708 --> 00:06:54,875
And it's our right as renters
to have the amenities advertised!

129
00:06:54,958 --> 00:06:57,500
They say jacuzzi, I say j'accuse!

130
00:06:57,583 --> 00:07:01,458
Elliott, let's not get distracted.
Tonight is about us.

131
00:07:01,541 --> 00:07:02,458
Is it?

132
00:07:02,541 --> 00:07:05,083
Who wants to hear the story of how we met?

133
00:07:05,166 --> 00:07:06,166
-I remember it.
-Not again.

134
00:07:06,250 --> 00:07:07,791
I'd love to, but my ears hurt.

135
00:07:07,875 --> 00:07:09,625
I want to hear a story.

136
00:07:09,708 --> 00:07:11,500
-Well then, if you insist.
-Ugh.

137
00:07:11,583 --> 00:07:12,833
-Here we go.
-Red or white?

138
00:07:12,916 --> 00:07:13,958
A glass of each.

139
00:07:14,041 --> 00:07:17,916
It was 1976, Golden Gate Park.

140
00:07:18,000 --> 00:07:23,416
I see this tall, golden-haired Adonis
high off his gourd on psychedelics.

141
00:07:23,500 --> 00:07:25,625
-Mom!
-It was a different time.

142
00:07:25,708 --> 00:07:28,541
Drugs were fun then, but now they're bad.

143
00:07:29,125 --> 00:07:30,625
Maybe it's time for the kids to go.

144
00:07:30,708 --> 00:07:34,083
-Oh, I've seen way worse on the internet.
-You've been on it for 15 minutes.

145
00:07:34,166 --> 00:07:36,208
-Don't be such a cuck, Mom.
-Okay, that's it.

146
00:07:36,291 --> 00:07:39,333
No, I can't go back! I've been red-pilled!

147
00:07:39,416 --> 00:07:40,583
Ah, ehh…

148
00:07:40,666 --> 00:07:41,833
May I continue?

149
00:07:41,916 --> 00:07:42,958
Keep it kid-friendly.

150
00:07:43,041 --> 00:07:44,208
Of course.

151
00:07:44,291 --> 00:07:48,208
So, Elliott… Sorry,
Grandpa was tripping hard,

152
00:07:48,291 --> 00:07:51,666
running around naked
and screaming from the hallucinations--

153
00:07:51,750 --> 00:07:53,291
-What did I say?
-I wanna be naked!

154
00:07:53,375 --> 00:07:55,125
I wanna scream from hallucibations!

155
00:07:55,208 --> 00:07:57,291
Kids, let's go scream naked
in the bedroom.

156
00:07:57,375 --> 00:07:59,625
I thought I was surrounded by werewolves.

157
00:07:59,708 --> 00:08:02,625
It was a very hairy era.
No one shaved anything.

158
00:08:04,125 --> 00:08:05,416
Why are you looking at me?

159
00:08:05,500 --> 00:08:07,916
Suddenly, I met
this one very kind werewolf,

160
00:08:08,000 --> 00:08:09,875
and we've been together ever since.

161
00:08:09,958 --> 00:08:11,833
Now who wants to give us a toast?

162
00:08:11,916 --> 00:08:16,208
Oh, I'd love to.
Here's to being done with this nonsense

163
00:08:16,291 --> 00:08:18,041
and starting
the goddamn intervention already.

164
00:08:18,125 --> 00:08:19,083
-Shira!
-Intervention?

165
00:08:19,166 --> 00:08:22,166
We were gonna do toasts,
then soup course, then intervention.

166
00:08:22,250 --> 00:08:23,125
What intervention?

167
00:08:23,208 --> 00:08:25,041
Fine, fine, fine.
We can do it during the soup.

168
00:08:25,125 --> 00:08:27,083
Do the toasts later.
Everyone into the kitchen.

169
00:08:30,000 --> 00:08:30,958
The boys are okay?

170
00:08:31,041 --> 00:08:33,208
Yeah, they're hiding.
I'm pretending to seek.

171
00:08:33,291 --> 00:08:36,416
And Hannah's on her phone
playing a game called Slice the Baby.

172
00:08:36,500 --> 00:08:38,458
I'll talk to Mom after the intervention.

173
00:08:38,541 --> 00:08:41,833
Naomi, this soup looks amazing.
What's in it?

174
00:08:41,916 --> 00:08:45,000
Always so interested in my recipes, Jen.

175
00:08:45,083 --> 00:08:48,166
If I gave you all my secrets,
my son would never come to visit.

176
00:08:48,250 --> 00:08:50,083
Oh. Could you imagine?

177
00:08:50,166 --> 00:08:51,833
Okay, Mom, how does this start?

178
00:08:51,916 --> 00:08:52,833
All right, fine.

179
00:08:52,916 --> 00:08:55,916
Yoshi, we love you, but you're an addict
and it's enough already.

180
00:08:56,000 --> 00:08:56,875
Huh?

181
00:08:56,958 --> 00:09:00,708
-I'm… I'm not an addict.
-That's the first thing every addict says.

182
00:09:00,791 --> 00:09:03,416
Is the second thing,
"But seriously, I'm not an addict"?

183
00:09:03,500 --> 00:09:05,458
Yes, every time. That is the second thing.

184
00:09:05,541 --> 00:09:07,625
-Your mother feels--
-Mmm.

185
00:09:07,708 --> 00:09:12,000
We feel like you have been acting very
strange since you moved down here.

186
00:09:12,083 --> 00:09:15,125
You didn't call on our anniversary.
It's not like you.

187
00:09:15,208 --> 00:09:17,500
-Is that what this is about?
-Avi and Shira also didn't call,

188
00:09:17,583 --> 00:09:18,875
but that's not so unusual.

189
00:09:18,958 --> 00:09:20,375
Is that a necessary detail?

190
00:09:20,458 --> 00:09:21,875
It's context, Avi.

191
00:09:21,958 --> 00:09:26,041
And when I visited last month,
I saw you sneak out of the house.

192
00:09:26,125 --> 00:09:28,375
-You saw that?
-I brought you two bottles of wine,

193
00:09:28,458 --> 00:09:30,083
something guests usually do,

194
00:09:30,166 --> 00:09:33,333
and the next morning, I found them
both empty in your recycling.

195
00:09:33,416 --> 00:09:36,583
There is an explanation for all of that,

196
00:09:36,666 --> 00:09:39,166
but right now, I have to
immediately go to the bathroom.

197
00:09:41,083 --> 00:09:42,833
So, who's got a toast?

198
00:09:43,583 --> 00:09:46,875
Danny, my mom knows something's up.
She thinks I'm addicted to something.

199
00:09:46,958 --> 00:09:50,458
Hey, just tell her the truth.
I told my mom. She was super supportive.

200
00:09:50,541 --> 00:09:53,208
My mom will not be supportive.

201
00:09:53,291 --> 00:09:57,166
I gotta just pretend to be an addict,
then get clean, so she gets off my back.

202
00:09:57,250 --> 00:10:00,458
She's not gonna get off your back
unless you hand over all your drugs.

203
00:10:00,541 --> 00:10:01,750
I don't have any drugs.

204
00:10:01,833 --> 00:10:05,291
I need you to bring some drugs over here
so I can pretend that they're mine.

205
00:10:06,083 --> 00:10:06,916
Why?

206
00:10:07,000 --> 00:10:08,833
Did you not hear what I just said?

207
00:10:08,916 --> 00:10:10,333
I'm pretty high, bro.

208
00:10:10,416 --> 00:10:11,875
Daniel Joseph Wegbreit!

209
00:10:14,416 --> 00:10:16,166
Avi, are you buying any of this?

210
00:10:16,250 --> 00:10:19,625
Yoshi is an addict
because he didn't want to call Mom?

211
00:10:19,708 --> 00:10:22,500
I'm also addicted to not wanting
to be on the phone with Mom.

212
00:10:22,583 --> 00:10:25,166
You don't think
this intervention was just a way

213
00:10:25,250 --> 00:10:27,458
to get us all to come
to their anniversary party?

214
00:10:27,541 --> 00:10:29,083
Yeah, it's Mom.

215
00:10:29,166 --> 00:10:31,208
She has to make everything a catastrophe

216
00:10:31,291 --> 00:10:33,500
because it's the only way
she knows how to get attention.

217
00:10:33,583 --> 00:10:36,750
Everyone, outside! It's an emergency!

218
00:10:37,958 --> 00:10:40,250
The emergency is,
while Yoshi's in the bathroom,

219
00:10:40,333 --> 00:10:42,458
we might as well take some family photos.

220
00:10:42,541 --> 00:10:45,625
So you brought down the good camera
for the intervention?

221
00:10:45,708 --> 00:10:47,958
Or because you thought
we might wanna take family photos?

222
00:10:48,041 --> 00:10:51,625
Shira, of course
the only thing we care about is Yoshi.

223
00:10:53,958 --> 00:10:57,166
But if we have a few minutes,
I'll call the owner about the hot tub.

224
00:10:57,250 --> 00:11:00,166
Okay, we'll start with the ladies.

225
00:11:00,250 --> 00:11:03,250
Jen, go get Hannah.
Shira, do something about your hair.

226
00:11:03,333 --> 00:11:04,750
Kendra… you're perfection.

227
00:11:04,833 --> 00:11:05,708
I know it!

228
00:11:07,375 --> 00:11:08,791
Hannah, did you use my makeup?

229
00:11:08,875 --> 00:11:10,375
Yeah, we're taking selfies.

230
00:11:10,458 --> 00:11:12,541
Hannah made us into thirsty traps.

231
00:11:12,625 --> 00:11:16,166
I already have 50 followers,
and I can get more.

232
00:11:16,250 --> 00:11:19,250
I just need to be better at contouring.
But I can be better.

233
00:11:19,333 --> 00:11:21,833
-Avi!
-I'll talk to Mom soon.

234
00:11:21,916 --> 00:11:24,083
Would you look at that?
It just turned soon.

235
00:11:25,375 --> 00:11:27,666
Oh, finally. Where are the drugs?

236
00:11:27,750 --> 00:11:29,791
Whoa, man. Maybe you are an addict,

237
00:11:29,875 --> 00:11:31,666
because, first of all… Hello!

238
00:11:31,750 --> 00:11:33,291
Yeah, hello. Give me drugs now.

239
00:11:33,375 --> 00:11:36,458
Okay, so, I smoked some of the weed
to enjoy the ride here, right?

240
00:11:36,541 --> 00:11:39,500
Then I got paranoid, so I took
some of the Percocets to chill out.

241
00:11:39,583 --> 00:11:42,500
And then I got too chill,
so I did all of the cocaine,

242
00:11:42,583 --> 00:11:45,916
and then I just took everything else
because, you know… Cocaine!

243
00:11:46,000 --> 00:11:47,500
Danny, we need drugs!

244
00:11:47,583 --> 00:11:49,958
It's my only chance
to keep my family from the truth.

245
00:11:50,041 --> 00:11:51,500
Okay, you need to chill, bro.

246
00:11:51,583 --> 00:11:55,083
You've got a very nervous vibe
for a wizard with galaxies for eyes.

247
00:11:55,166 --> 00:12:00,500
Yes, you understand that I'm upset,
but do you understand why I'm upset?

248
00:12:00,583 --> 00:12:02,541
This stupid dress is too tight.

249
00:12:02,625 --> 00:12:06,416
My right boob yearns for freedom,
but my left is getting used to captivity

250
00:12:06,500 --> 00:12:08,875
and might've forgotten
how to survive on the outside.

251
00:12:08,958 --> 00:12:10,916
Avi's talking to your mom about the phone.

252
00:12:11,000 --> 00:12:13,000
Maybe it'll soften her up about the dress.

253
00:12:13,083 --> 00:12:15,583
You can tell her to take back
those god-awful shoes too.

254
00:12:15,666 --> 00:12:16,583
These are mine.

255
00:12:17,333 --> 00:12:21,958
I just thought the phone would be
a way to see Hannah once in a while.

256
00:12:22,041 --> 00:12:23,666
-I know, but--
-I'm not complaining,

257
00:12:23,750 --> 00:12:26,208
but I never see her.
It feels like you're punishing me.

258
00:12:26,291 --> 00:12:27,583
No, I'm not punishing you!

259
00:12:27,666 --> 00:12:30,041
For what, I can't imagine,
but I'm sure I deserve it.

260
00:12:30,125 --> 00:12:31,625
That's your prerogative,
I'm not complaining.

261
00:12:31,708 --> 00:12:33,416
-Dad, you understand why…
-Is it true?

262
00:12:33,500 --> 00:12:37,375
-…you can't give Hannah a phone, right?
-Are we terrible, ruining Hannah's life?

263
00:12:38,291 --> 00:12:40,500
Yeah, I'm gonna go call
the hot tub manufacturer.

264
00:12:41,250 --> 00:12:43,666
-Avi, I'm old and lonely.
-You're not old!

265
00:12:43,750 --> 00:12:46,875
Seeing my grandchildren
is the only thing that brings me joy,

266
00:12:46,958 --> 00:12:47,958
but if it bothers Jen,

267
00:12:48,041 --> 00:12:50,333
-I'll tear the phone out of Hannah's hand.
-It's me.

268
00:12:50,416 --> 00:12:52,958
I'll be the bad guy.
She'll hate me for the rest of my life,

269
00:12:53,041 --> 00:12:54,750
but how many years do I have left anyways?

270
00:12:54,833 --> 00:12:55,916
You're in your sixties!

271
00:12:56,000 --> 00:12:58,500
I could get hit by a bus tomorrow.
You don't know.

272
00:12:58,583 --> 00:13:00,375
In this scenario, am I driving the bus?

273
00:13:01,291 --> 00:13:04,958
Make way for Danny, the uncanny!

274
00:13:05,041 --> 00:13:07,541
You think this laundry detergent
could pass for cocaine?

275
00:13:07,625 --> 00:13:09,250
One way to find out.

276
00:13:09,333 --> 00:13:10,958
-Ah, Danny!
-What up?

277
00:13:12,875 --> 00:13:15,041
Avi, Avi, did your mom agree
to take back phone?

278
00:13:15,125 --> 00:13:16,666
Did she apologize? Did she say,

279
00:13:16,750 --> 00:13:19,666
"Jen is right and I am wrong
and now this is settled forever"?

280
00:13:19,750 --> 00:13:23,250
Uh, hey, Yoshi's been in the bathroom
a long time.

281
00:13:23,333 --> 00:13:25,208
-You're right, Avi.
-I'm getting another drink.

282
00:13:25,291 --> 00:13:27,875
Yoshi, you've been in there long enough.

283
00:13:27,958 --> 00:13:29,416
We need you for photos

284
00:13:29,500 --> 00:13:31,291
and also for getting intervened.

285
00:13:31,375 --> 00:13:33,666
Sorry, Mom. I'm busy doing drugs.

286
00:13:33,750 --> 00:13:35,666
Drugs?! Yoshi, I'm coming in.

287
00:13:35,750 --> 00:13:37,458
No, Danny, go! Now!

288
00:13:37,541 --> 00:13:39,750
Oh no. I'm a caterpillar.

289
00:13:39,833 --> 00:13:41,291
Avi, help me break the door.

290
00:13:41,375 --> 00:13:43,000
-Whee!
-Please! Get out!

291
00:13:43,083 --> 00:13:44,791
Oh!

292
00:13:44,875 --> 00:13:46,708
Okay, you caught me. I do dank…

293
00:13:46,791 --> 00:13:49,000
-Oh no!
-…crank, purple drank, sticky-icky oo-wee,

294
00:13:49,083 --> 00:13:50,291
-some of that good-good.
-What?

295
00:13:50,375 --> 00:13:52,375
White girl, disco biscuit,
zippy-zap, Mexican hellos,

296
00:13:52,458 --> 00:13:55,500
Starship Who Am I?, gorilla butt,
noodly-doodly-doodly-doos, and meth.

297
00:13:55,583 --> 00:13:56,875
-Meth?
-Gorilla butt?

298
00:13:56,958 --> 00:14:00,250
Oy, and I don't say this lightly, Gevalt!

299
00:14:00,333 --> 00:14:03,625
But you can throw out these bad boys
because thanks to your intervention,

300
00:14:03,708 --> 00:14:06,041
I'm done with drugs forever.
No further questions.

301
00:14:06,125 --> 00:14:09,041
I had no idea
you had such a serious problem.

302
00:14:09,125 --> 00:14:10,625
Then why are we here?

303
00:14:10,708 --> 00:14:15,375
I just thought he was drinking too much
and some tough talk would fix him up.

304
00:14:15,458 --> 00:14:19,333
I really only did it because everyone's
coming for our anniversary anyway.

305
00:14:19,416 --> 00:14:20,875
We came for the intervention!

306
00:14:20,958 --> 00:14:23,916
Yeah, but I'm sober now, so… goodbye.

307
00:14:24,000 --> 00:14:28,208
Oh no. I am not
letting you out of my sight again.

308
00:14:28,291 --> 00:14:30,208
We're taking you back to Mountain View.

309
00:14:30,291 --> 00:14:32,250
You'll live at home
until you're all better.

310
00:14:32,333 --> 00:14:34,375
Yes, but I am all better.

311
00:14:34,458 --> 00:14:37,083
That's exactly what people say
when they're not all better.

312
00:14:37,166 --> 00:14:39,875
Okay, fine! You got me. I'm not an addict.

313
00:14:41,083 --> 00:14:42,666
And I never was.

314
00:14:42,750 --> 00:14:43,916
Ah!

315
00:14:44,000 --> 00:14:45,041
Oh, Shira!

316
00:14:45,125 --> 00:14:47,416
The truth is…

317
00:14:49,166 --> 00:14:50,416
I'm…

318
00:14:52,750 --> 00:14:53,958
Orthodox now.

319
00:14:55,625 --> 00:14:57,750
That's so much worse!

320
00:14:57,833 --> 00:15:01,166
Wait, wait, wait, like old-world Orthodox?

321
00:15:01,250 --> 00:15:05,166
Like Cousin Moishe with the hat
and the twirlies and the "yeidel-deidel"?

322
00:15:05,250 --> 00:15:06,916
No, no, not like Cousin Moishe.

323
00:15:07,000 --> 00:15:09,333
I'm Modern Orthodox. I'm still me.

324
00:15:09,416 --> 00:15:13,041
All those rules? I can't imagine letting
myself be ordered around like that.

325
00:15:13,125 --> 00:15:14,708
Shira, go wash off that stain.

326
00:15:14,791 --> 00:15:15,791
Ugh, fine.

327
00:15:15,875 --> 00:15:17,875
That's why I didn't call
on your anniversary.

328
00:15:17,958 --> 00:15:21,500
It was Shabbat, and the wine you brought,
it wasn't kosher, so I poured it out.

329
00:15:21,583 --> 00:15:22,916
When you saw me sneaking out,

330
00:15:23,000 --> 00:15:25,250
I was going to shul
because I needed a minyan.

331
00:15:25,333 --> 00:15:27,583
Oh, I love the minions!

332
00:15:27,666 --> 00:15:30,750
They're so friggin' cute. I need one too.

333
00:15:30,833 --> 00:15:32,208
How could this have happened?

334
00:15:32,291 --> 00:15:34,000
-It just happened.
-"Bello." "Banana."

335
00:15:34,083 --> 00:15:36,000
Danny started dating this Orthodox girl,

336
00:15:36,083 --> 00:15:38,625
so I started going to services
with them, and it clicked.

337
00:15:38,708 --> 00:15:40,791
It clicked? What's "clicked"?

338
00:15:40,875 --> 00:15:42,125
I don't… It just…

339
00:15:42,833 --> 00:15:46,458
I have felt lost for so long,

340
00:15:47,083 --> 00:15:49,000
and I don't feel lost anymore.

341
00:15:49,541 --> 00:15:51,875
If I have a question about what to do
or how to be,

342
00:15:51,958 --> 00:15:55,250
I have a place to look for answers,
and I can ask the rabbi.

343
00:15:55,333 --> 00:15:56,750
Why would you need a rabbi?

344
00:15:56,833 --> 00:15:59,833
-That's what a mother is for!
-I don't understand why you're upset.

345
00:15:59,916 --> 00:16:02,291
Would you rather I be like Avi?
Not Jewish at all?

346
00:16:02,375 --> 00:16:04,875
No, of course
I don't want you to be like Avi.

347
00:16:04,958 --> 00:16:06,833
It happened the same way for me.

348
00:16:06,916 --> 00:16:09,208
Dipped my toe into Jewish
and fell in love with it.

349
00:16:09,291 --> 00:16:11,833
Sure, but you converted
to normal people Jewish,

350
00:16:11,916 --> 00:16:14,750
-not like the weird Jews like Yoshi.
-They're not weird.

351
00:16:14,833 --> 00:16:18,166
It's all weird. Some have one eye.
Some wear overalls.

352
00:16:18,250 --> 00:16:19,208
Sorry, Jews?

353
00:16:19,291 --> 00:16:20,458
Minions. Oh!

354
00:16:21,250 --> 00:16:23,583
Ugh, what happened to all the detergent?

355
00:16:24,875 --> 00:16:26,583
Come on, I can't even see.

356
00:16:26,666 --> 00:16:29,333
Ah!

357
00:16:31,291 --> 00:16:32,666
Ah! Ow!

358
00:16:36,125 --> 00:16:38,416
It's French for "I accuse."
Know what? Never mind.

359
00:16:38,500 --> 00:16:41,708
Yes, of course I ran the diagnostics
on the filtration valve.

360
00:16:41,791 --> 00:16:44,875
What do you mean, overheated?
It's a hot tub.

361
00:16:45,458 --> 00:16:48,875
Naomi, there's no one right way
to be Jewish.

362
00:16:48,958 --> 00:16:50,500
But there is!

363
00:16:50,583 --> 00:16:53,375
A progressive, egalitarian,
conservative Judaism

364
00:16:53,458 --> 00:16:56,666
with an emphasis on ritual and community
over faith and blind practice.

365
00:16:56,750 --> 00:16:59,791
That's literally the only way
it makes sense.

366
00:16:59,875 --> 00:17:03,458
I figured it out, and I gave it
to my children because I love them,

367
00:17:03,541 --> 00:17:06,000
but they reject it
because they want to reject me!

368
00:17:06,083 --> 00:17:08,583
Mom, not everything is about you.

369
00:17:08,666 --> 00:17:13,208
That is the meanest thing
you could possibly say to me!

370
00:17:13,291 --> 00:17:14,166
Guys?

371
00:17:14,750 --> 00:17:17,000
-Oh no, Shira!
-Oh no! My poor dress.

372
00:17:17,083 --> 00:17:20,208
You can't bring that octopus in here.
Yoshi's orthodox now.

373
00:17:20,291 --> 00:17:23,791
-Gentle! They're smart. Stop wincing.
-My hair! It's getting into my brain!

374
00:17:23,875 --> 00:17:25,458
I'm gonna become an octopus!

375
00:17:28,291 --> 00:17:30,333
So, who's ready for dessert?

376
00:17:33,041 --> 00:17:35,166
So you can't drink any of this wine?

377
00:17:35,250 --> 00:17:38,250
What if you drank it
through a hole in a sheet?

378
00:17:38,333 --> 00:17:40,083
-Uh…
-Ta-da!

379
00:17:40,166 --> 00:17:43,791
I made your favorite.
Vanilla ice cream cake.

380
00:17:43,875 --> 00:17:46,750
-My three least favorite musical acts.
-Mom, it looks delicious,

381
00:17:46,833 --> 00:17:48,291
but you know I can't eat it.

382
00:17:48,375 --> 00:17:50,333
Yoshi, it's kosher. I made it myself.

383
00:17:50,416 --> 00:17:52,125
All the ingredients are kosher.

384
00:17:52,208 --> 00:17:54,500
I'm kosher.
You want I should give it a bris?

385
00:17:54,583 --> 00:17:56,958
Mom, you made it in a non-kosher kitchen.

386
00:17:57,041 --> 00:17:59,041
But it's okay if we're on vacation.

387
00:17:59,125 --> 00:18:01,583
But not… for me, it isn't.

388
00:18:01,666 --> 00:18:03,583
Yoshi, just eat the cake.

389
00:18:03,666 --> 00:18:05,291
-I can't eat it.
-Of course you can.

390
00:18:05,375 --> 00:18:07,500
-He doesn't want to eat it.
-You're gonna eat.

391
00:18:07,583 --> 00:18:09,541
-Okay. This is ridiculous.
-Eat the cake.

392
00:18:09,625 --> 00:18:11,791
-Why are you trying to hurt me?
-Mom!

393
00:18:11,875 --> 00:18:13,625
Be a good boy, eat your mother's cake!

394
00:18:13,708 --> 00:18:15,458
-What in the Ike Turner!
-Mom! No!

395
00:18:15,541 --> 00:18:16,708
Blech!

396
00:18:16,791 --> 00:18:18,750
I'm sorry, God! I didn't want to do it!

397
00:18:18,833 --> 00:18:19,791
Mom, stop!

398
00:18:19,875 --> 00:18:23,041
If he doesn't want to eat the cake,
he doesn't have to eat the cake.

399
00:18:23,125 --> 00:18:25,666
-I just thought--
-I know what you thought, okay?

400
00:18:25,750 --> 00:18:28,791
It's what you always think.
We're never the right amount for you.

401
00:18:28,875 --> 00:18:32,333
So you gotta push and nudge
and adjust and correct.

402
00:18:32,416 --> 00:18:35,250
Look at me.
I have a good job. Two wonderful kids.

403
00:18:35,333 --> 00:18:36,458
A smoking hot wife?

404
00:18:36,541 --> 00:18:38,041
A smoking hot wife!

405
00:18:38,125 --> 00:18:42,000
But all you see is clothes you don't like.
You don't know how to just love us.

406
00:18:42,083 --> 00:18:44,583
"Just love." You think love is passive.

407
00:18:44,666 --> 00:18:46,500
You just sit there and love.

408
00:18:46,583 --> 00:18:49,500
No. I push you because I love you.

409
00:18:49,583 --> 00:18:51,916
You push us away. Right, Avi?

410
00:18:53,916 --> 00:18:57,375
Boy, yeah! Things are being said.
That's for sure.

411
00:18:57,458 --> 00:18:58,333
-Thanks a lot.
-See?

412
00:18:58,416 --> 00:19:01,125
-Even Avi thinks you're being hysterical.
-Profile in courage.

413
00:19:01,208 --> 00:19:03,500
He would tell me
if I were in the wrong. Right, Avi?

414
00:19:03,583 --> 00:19:05,125
It's like with Hannah's phone.

415
00:19:05,208 --> 00:19:08,583
I know Jen wants you to not like it,
but you understand.

416
00:19:10,625 --> 00:19:13,500
-Mom, no! I don't understand you at all.
-What?

417
00:19:13,583 --> 00:19:16,416
The dress. The phone. This whole night.

418
00:19:16,500 --> 00:19:19,500
You had to trick us
into having a dinner with you.

419
00:19:19,583 --> 00:19:22,250
Why? What does that say
about you as a mother?

420
00:19:22,333 --> 00:19:23,375
Okay, Avi, that's a little…

421
00:19:23,458 --> 00:19:26,208
And then Yoshi
tries to be honest with you,

422
00:19:26,291 --> 00:19:31,041
and you just steamroll him because
everything has to be about you.

423
00:19:31,125 --> 00:19:33,000
I swear to God, you're like an octopus.

424
00:19:33,083 --> 00:19:37,416
You're smothering us in your arms
and just sucking and sucking and sucking!

425
00:19:41,875 --> 00:19:46,375
I never knew that
my own children felt so strongly.

426
00:19:48,416 --> 00:19:49,250
Excuse me.

427
00:19:51,625 --> 00:19:53,125
What the hell, Avi?

428
00:19:53,208 --> 00:19:56,583
Too much?
I… I could feel it was a little much.

429
00:19:56,666 --> 00:19:59,083
-A little much.
-You did call your mother a mollusk.

430
00:19:59,166 --> 00:20:00,125
I liked it.

431
00:20:00,666 --> 00:20:03,458
Great news. Someone fixed the hot tub.

432
00:20:06,333 --> 00:20:10,833
Hey, I know we were all upset
about the hot tub, but it's working now.

433
00:20:10,916 --> 00:20:13,875
Okay, what's going on?
Is this about Hannah's phone?

434
00:20:13,958 --> 00:20:16,916
She doesn't need a phone.
She just likes taking pictures.

435
00:20:17,000 --> 00:20:19,041
Hannah, come tell your parents
what we did.

436
00:20:19,125 --> 00:20:20,500
Grandpa and I did a trade!

437
00:20:20,583 --> 00:20:23,916
I gave him the phone back
and he gave me his fancy camera. Look!

438
00:20:26,416 --> 00:20:29,250
Ho-ho, son of a bitch.
The old bastard did it.

439
00:20:31,333 --> 00:20:32,166
I should go home.

440
00:20:32,250 --> 00:20:34,125
Yoshi, you don't need to leave.

441
00:20:34,208 --> 00:20:35,250
Mom will come around.

442
00:20:35,333 --> 00:20:37,375
When has Mom changed her mind
about anything?

443
00:20:37,458 --> 00:20:40,375
She's not gonna accept me,
and I'm not gonna stop being Orthodox.

444
00:20:40,458 --> 00:20:41,291
Orthodox?

445
00:20:41,375 --> 00:20:43,500
-Oh my God, not again.
-Did you miss all of it?

446
00:20:43,583 --> 00:20:46,458
Wait, Jewish Orthodox
or, like, Greek Orthodox?

447
00:20:46,541 --> 00:20:47,791
-Ugh.
-Jewish.

448
00:20:47,875 --> 00:20:49,916
Oh, okay. Well, that's not so bad.

449
00:20:50,000 --> 00:20:52,875
Wait, does that mean
you follow all the commandments?

450
00:20:52,958 --> 00:20:53,875
I try.

451
00:20:53,958 --> 00:20:57,375
Well, isn't there one about
honoring your mother and father, hm?

452
00:20:57,916 --> 00:21:00,791
So if your father spent all evening
getting the hot tub working,

453
00:21:00,875 --> 00:21:03,875
a good way to honor him would be…

454
00:21:06,208 --> 00:21:07,583
I'll get my swimsuit.

455
00:21:12,208 --> 00:21:13,458
Can I come in?

456
00:21:13,958 --> 00:21:15,833
Careful, I might spray you with ink.

457
00:21:17,041 --> 00:21:20,375
I'm, uh. I'm sorry I blew up at you.
I didn't mean it.

458
00:21:20,458 --> 00:21:22,500
Why lie now?

459
00:21:22,583 --> 00:21:26,500
Okay, I meant it,
but I shouldn't have said it that way.

460
00:21:26,583 --> 00:21:29,875
I'm a horrible mother.
All my children hate me.

461
00:21:29,958 --> 00:21:31,625
We don't hate you. Of course we…

462
00:21:32,541 --> 00:21:33,791
You know.

463
00:21:33,875 --> 00:21:35,166
But you can be very…

464
00:21:36,666 --> 00:21:37,666
exacting.

465
00:21:37,750 --> 00:21:38,583
You mean critical.

466
00:21:40,708 --> 00:21:42,625
Do you remember Hannah's baby naming?

467
00:21:42,708 --> 00:21:45,208
-We played that Goo Goo Dolls song.
-How could I forget?

468
00:21:45,291 --> 00:21:47,041
-You didn't have any Hebrew.
-And there it is. No Hebrew.

469
00:21:47,125 --> 00:21:50,708
-God forbid you don't play Goo Goo Dolls.
-The reason we did it was for you.

470
00:21:50,791 --> 00:21:53,666
-For me? No, that was not for me.
-I invited all the relatives,

471
00:21:53,750 --> 00:21:56,000
gave Hannah a Jewish name
after your mother.

472
00:21:56,083 --> 00:21:58,000
But you still complained
we didn't do it right.

473
00:21:58,083 --> 00:22:01,500
I decided, what's the point of any of this
if it's never gonna be enough for you?

474
00:22:01,583 --> 00:22:05,333
It would be enough if you did it right.
So what? I should just be quiet?

475
00:22:05,416 --> 00:22:08,458
Or you could ask, "What does
this Goo Goo Dolls song mean to you?"

476
00:22:08,541 --> 00:22:10,208
And we could have a conversation.

477
00:22:10,791 --> 00:22:12,166
What did the song mean to you?

478
00:22:12,250 --> 00:22:14,958
Nothing. Just, it was a baby naming,

479
00:22:15,041 --> 00:22:18,041
and the song is called "Name,"
and I thought it would be funny.

480
00:22:18,125 --> 00:22:20,416
Oh, it was funny.

481
00:22:20,500 --> 00:22:21,625
Well, good conversation.

482
00:22:21,708 --> 00:22:24,791
Can't wait to see what jokes
you've planned for Hannah's bat mitzvah.

483
00:22:27,583 --> 00:22:30,416
Uh, Mom, Hannah's not…

484
00:22:34,041 --> 00:22:36,666
I want to have
a better relationship with you.

485
00:22:37,958 --> 00:22:39,583
But something has to change.

486
00:22:56,625 --> 00:22:57,916
Tell me about your shul.

487
00:22:58,000 --> 00:22:59,333
What… What do you care?

488
00:22:59,416 --> 00:23:00,416
I want to know.

489
00:23:00,500 --> 00:23:01,375
Uh…

490
00:23:05,625 --> 00:23:06,750
It's a good shul.

491
00:23:07,625 --> 00:23:09,208
Everyone knows each other.

492
00:23:09,708 --> 00:23:11,708
Maybe it gets
a little chilly in the evening.

493
00:23:11,791 --> 00:23:13,791
You don't wear the nice sweater I got you?

494
00:23:13,875 --> 00:23:15,291
It kind of shrunk in the dryer.

495
00:23:15,375 --> 00:23:17,500
Yoshi, did you read the label?

496
00:23:17,583 --> 00:23:20,291
It just said "large."
Which is no longer true.

497
00:23:20,375 --> 00:23:22,708
The other label
with the washing instructions.

498
00:23:22,791 --> 00:23:24,000
There are two labels?

499
00:23:24,083 --> 00:23:25,125
I'll show you.

500
00:23:25,208 --> 00:23:27,916
You'll like it.
It's full of codes and symbols.

501
00:23:28,500 --> 00:23:29,500
Like the Torah.

502
00:23:30,708 --> 00:23:32,125
That does sound kind of fun.

503
00:23:33,708 --> 00:23:34,583
Thanks, Mom.

504
00:23:37,500 --> 00:23:39,041
Would you call this hot?

505
00:23:39,125 --> 00:23:40,666
Eh, warm at best.

506
00:23:40,750 --> 00:23:42,208
Don't tell your father.

507
00:23:44,125 --> 00:23:46,041
If you got a problem

508
00:23:47,083 --> 00:23:49,708
I got a problem too

509
00:23:49,791 --> 00:23:52,375
If you're standin' at the bottom

510
00:23:53,166 --> 00:23:55,708
I'll reach out for you

511
00:23:55,791 --> 00:24:02,041
If you need someone to lean on
Baby, I can be strong

512
00:24:02,125 --> 00:24:04,666
If you got a problem

513
00:24:05,291 --> 00:24:07,875
I got a problem too

514
00:24:07,958 --> 00:24:10,833
If you got a problem

515
00:24:11,666 --> 00:24:14,250
I'll reach out for you

516
00:24:14,333 --> 00:24:16,916
If you got a problem

517
00:24:17,458 --> 00:24:20,000
I got a problem too

518
00:24:20,083 --> 00:24:22,833
If you got a problem

519
00:24:23,750 --> 00:24:26,041
I'll reach out for you
ean on
Baby, I can be strong