In today's episode of our series Where Are They Now?: Tomek Wilczyński!
Right, no one's seen him in years, so the question is:
has anyone found the body or what?
No, come on, we know he's alive.
He's been selling virtual greeting cards on Cameo.
A couple dozen bitcoin gets you a "hello" and a wave.
Oh, get this too.
The beloved host of the controversial and once-popular
The World According to Wolf
plans to blow our minds with a new show.
Could this mark Wolf's triumphant return to TV?
Quick follow-up question. Did anyone ask for that?
But really though…
…where do you think he's been hiding all this time?
The Wolf? Hmm, probably in a cave somewhere.
You gotta admit it, honey. Marcel has pretty good taste.
I'm just curious about this new project he's got.
Hey, as long as you keep in mind that's not the only project we work on.
Mmm.
-Right on cue. -Hey, honey, uh…
You think at some point we could do it just to, you know, get a little…
-Get a little…? -You know, just do it for pleasure once?
-Mm. -Nope.
Okay.
YOU HAVE TWO CUSTOMERS
Majeczka! Happy birthday from Wolf!
Don't worry, turning fifty is a beautiful thing.
You'll never be catcalled or ogled by those sleazeballs ever again.
SEND WISHES
I hope you get everything.
Except, uh, those male strippers.
Mwah! See ya!
YOU RECEIVE 500 PLN
So, another satisfied client?
I'm hoping she's not the last one today.
I feel like an online prostitute.
I might be better off getting battered
in one of those MMA promotional cage fights.
Oh, yeah, you're so right.
They're taking advantage. Five hundred for a couple minutes of work.
Hey, I feel like a commodity. It's not funny, okay?
Okay, I'm sorry honey, but I'm ovulating.
The fertility window's open, so we're kind of up against a deadline here…
All right. Say no more.
Couldn't we have hired a bellhop on Taskrabbit?
No, I'm not gonna pay some unemployed hipster five euros
to carry my luggage.
Good Lord, my back is killing me after being on that plane.
You had a kid, you can do this.
So?
-Where to, Suck-A-Joy-Out? -Over here.
Here it is, check it out.
Voilà!
-Bada bing! How do ya like that! -Whoa!
Oh my God!
Woo-hoo!
-Hey… -Wait, try the other way around.
What other way around?
-You already broke it. Look. -What? How'd I break it? You broke it.
Please, hold on. Wait a second, it's just stuck.
Slower, slower, slower, honey.
What the…?
-Ania, what're you doing up here? -It's clear.
And you?
-Hi. -Hi, Tomek.
-Champagne? -I thought…
I thought this one was, uh, number six?
Turn it over. It's nine. Forget it.
Why didn't you tell us you were coming? Marcel didn't say anything about them.
We decided to fly on a different, uh, airline.
-Fly around telecom towers. -Huh?
5G towers are spreading COVID.
What? We sat through a ten-hour plane ride to avoid 5G towers?
Uh-oh.
Ah. Marcel. How's it going?
We'll talk about this tomorrow.
Where can we find you?
Marcel!
Oh my God, look at you. You look fantastic, man!
I'm so happy to see all you guys! This is great!
-Hey… -Hey.
All right, I know all of you are dying to find out
why exactly I decided to bring you to this place, right?
-Exactly. -Just hang on a minute.
I swear, I will explain everything.
But I have to introduce you to someone first.
Miguel.
Good morning.
It's a pleasure to finally meet you all.
Marcel told me so much about you.
Bogdan… Uh… Or… Ola.
Ola.
Ania.
-Tomek. -Hi, Miguel.
And Bogdan.
So there we were,
in one of the most incredible restaurants in all of Malta,
when it dawns on me that
if I don't find this sweet little dog a home pretty soon,
he's gonna go to the pound.
So, there goes our romantic dinner on the beach.
-Aww. -We spent the next four hours
walking all over the island just to find him a shelter.
Hmm.
Boy, I was worried Marcel would never forgive me.
Mm. And that's when I knew I found someone
who was truly unique, truly special, you know?
Because who else would pass on a two-star restaurant?
-Right, exactly. -Miguel! Miguel, Miguel.
Sounds like a… an old Polish name.
So was he like a Pagan chieftain or something?
-No, actually, it's Michał. -Oh, Michał.
I guess, Miguel was easier and it just sort of stuck.
Perfect name for you.
Marcel, Zosia told me to say hi. She couldn't make it.
Yeah, but how's the baby?
I've got some new photos. Wanna see?
Oh! Sure.
-Oh! -Uh-huh!
Wow.
Miguel, so after you've finished all your traveling,
you think you're gonna shack up with Marcel in Warsaw?
Wait, you didn't tell them the news?
Sorry, what news?
Oh no.
-I spoiled the surprise, didn't I? -Uh… No, stop.
-Don't worry. -What surprise, guys?
The two of us are big on surprises.
All right.
Me and Miguel, we're not going back to Poland.
-Sorry? -Uh…
So you're…
We bought this hotel.
-No! -Welcome to our place.
How though?
Hold on. You mean you sold your real estate portfolio in Warsaw?
Yeah, my bank wouldn't give me the loan otherwise.
I'll never have another chance to do this.
Kalimera, Mr. Marcel.
-Kalimera. -Guantanamera.
Marcel, when you said you were working on a new project,
I just assumed you meant you had an incredible idea for a TV show.
Not that you're buying some hotel in the armpit of Europe!
It's two in one. Or, it's actually both in one.
We're going to make a new reality show.
A few people meet online, and then they meet up for real on a romantic island.
You're the host of the show, the show pays for the loan, everyone wins.
-I just need to convince the investor. -Whoa, whoa, Marcel.
You don't really seem like yourself, buddy.
You're usually a planner, you're on top of everything.
And I don't know what else to tell you, you're acting irrational!
How is this irrational?
You run off to the end of the world with some, sorry,
but some random guy who you met when?
Like, barely six months ago.
Marcel, are you out of your damn mind?
You bought a hotel you can't even afford,
to make some show you could never actually produce? Marcel!
Man, I'm sorry,
I don't know what kind of idiot would invest in something like this.
Hello?
Hi, yes.
That's great.
Yes, see you tomorrow.
Bye.
Ha!
What was that about?
It was the idiot who's gonna invest in our show!
Planet Single: An Island!
-No. -An Island!
PLANET SINGLE: GREEK ADVENTURE
Obviously, the corrupt legacy media
would like you to believe that he's just on vacation.
Just a rich guy enjoying his millions, right? No way, y'all.
They conveniently fail to bring up
that the guy's been going around and buying land in Crete to Madeira.
But what's his game?
Buy land to install weather control towers.
It's the only way.
No question.
Yep. Definitely explains the weather in Poland.
It's almost as bad as the food.
-Mm-hmm. -Quit it!
-Elites controlling the weather. -Quit it!
5G signals.
What other conspiracy theories are you gonna get sucked into?
-Maybe UFOs? -We stopped saying UFO. Come on, quit it!
We say UAP, trust me, okay? Unnormal Aerial Paranoic. Got it, Ola?
Look. Let me tell ya. The US government just made it official.
They've been getting their weapons from aliens for fifty years.
Bodzio, hey, come on.
I mean, did you forget you're just a high school principal?
We take a trip to this wonderful place and this is what you do?
You don't understand the world around you.
You're living an illusion. You're asleep in the Matrix.
-You need to wake up, woman. -Living an illusion?
If you don't wake up, you'll die, you'll lose!
If you did some digging,
maybe searched the internet, then you'd know.
Instead of all this, "Buy me this, buy me that." No. Wait.
Give me…
-Hey come on, stop. -Wanna do some searching?
Your UAP's outside. That stupid phone.
I should shove it up my ass, then you'd notice.
Old fart, with your beer belly. Ugh! Go for a run.
-Hey. -Mm-hmm?
-So, did you notice? -What?
Just how Miguel is sorta… weird?
Mm.
-Totally. Yeah. -Mmm.
He's a charmer.
He's handsome.
-Has a good sense of humor. -No.
C'mon, please, his sense of humor's nothing special, right?
Oh, jealous much?
No, it's just, I'm worried about my buddy. What do we even know about that guy?
Mmm.
Please shut up and kiss me, all right?
Think he's being honest about living in Warsaw?
-Who? -I…
Tomek.
Um, I'm on a schedule.
Oh my God.
Go talk to Miguel if you want to know about him.
I'm sure he'd be more than happy to chat with you. Now kiss me!
That's genius.
-I wasn't saying, like, right now. -I have a window right now.
-It's… -Because he's not expecting me.
I'll get the guy alone, just the two of us.
You are a genius.
I love you.
Miguel. Can we talk?
Man to man? Miguel.
Hey. Just two dudes talking.
Yeah, hey, darling.
Marcel's our right now picking up deliveries.
Are you free now?
This stays between us.
First pleasure, then duty.
-Hey, hey, hey. -Hey.
-How ya doing? -Hey, uh, what you doing here, man?
Ola threw my phone out the window, but I got it.
-Looking for something over there? -Huh?
There.
Oh… No, I just came out to… just to get some air, yeah.
-Okay. -Yeah.
-Good? -Yup.
-See you, buddy. -What do you mean, see you?
Let's go grab a couple of beers at the bar.
Ah, I'd love to. It's just, the sun got to me today and…
Oh, come on, we're on vacation. Let's have a few drinks.
The seafood's super fresh here. Come on.
This is the North Pole, this is the ice wall.
An atmospheric dome gets created by the gasses trapped between them.
That dome acts like a lens which makes the Earth look round
when in reality, it's totally flat.
So, hey, have you noticed that he's acting sort of weird lately?
Marcel?
Marcel does sleep with guys, I think that's pretty weird, don't you?
No, I mean, the fact that he sold everything he owned, yeah?
And then ran away to the end of the world with some guy who he's known for how long?
-Half a year? -You know how they met, right?
Marcel messaged him on a dating app.
You know, that brings to mind this really interesting series,
a documentary called Planet Bandit.
-I don't know if you've heard about it. -No.
Oh, dude, it's on Netflix. It's amazing. I'm serious.
It's about a fraudster.
This one dude meets all these women on an app,
and he just swindles these girls, like drains all their bank accounts.
Poof, their savings disappear. He cleans them out.
He's elusive, they still haven't caught him.
You have to watch it.
The Planet Bandit.
That's the one.
He told me that it was once-in-a-lifetime opportunity.
He was so handsome and charming.
He even convinced me to mortgage one of my properties in Malibu.
Chapter Seven of The Planet Bandit.
He would go on to swindle scores of wealthy women.
From Malta to Macedonia.
Promising love and companionship,
but leaving a trail of broken hearts and empty pocket books in his wake.
This is just crazy.
Uh, sorry?
I just came here because I wanted to get a tan.
Now all I want to do is shop for onesies.
It's weird, huh?
I know what you mean, girl.
But you have a kid?
It's not in the cards for me.
-Didn't mean to pry, sorry about that. -It's all right.
The best kids belong to other people.
Maximum happiness, minimum responsibility.
Oh, I'm Ania, by the way.
Maria.
My God!
Now I get it. Okay. That little snake.
Your old friend doesn't matter, 'cause you got a new one.
Good morning.
How many persons, please?
Oh, uh… Just one.
One? Come this way.
No, no, no. Golden Girls spot.
Golden girls, huh?
Oh my gosh, Zeus, I'm not that tan yet.
Hi, I'm Magdalena.
Oh, hi there.
Ola.
Hi, darling.
Sorry to keep you waiting. So sorry.
-Hi. -You ready?
Yeah. Come on. Come, come, come.
Let's go, let's go.
Tomek?
What are you…?
Oh, fuck!
Oh, shoot, turn off the music.
Marcel, hey, honey.
What are you, Tarzan? Good lord, dude… What?
In the hotel? Of course I remember.
Yeah, I'll be there. Uh-huh.
How about a rain check?
I was spying on Miguel. He is meeting some dude up there.
He's paying another man to jump into his bed.
Yeah, he's building his roster of victims.
The Planet Bandit guy connected a lot of women.
-Like pyramid scheme ladies night. -What are you talking about?
Listen.
-What? -The Planet Bandit conned only women.
-Right? -True. Yeah.
And Marcel is…?
-A gay man! Need it spelled out on a sign? -How do you know?
He could be bisexual, or demisexual, trisexual.
We don't know. There are 68 sexual identities…
I can't believe this. Where'd you get this number?
Wait a minute, you're here? I mean… Since when?
Oh, no, no, no, no, no.
Please, don't involve Marcel.
We'll speak in person.
I swear to God, there are 68 sexualities. He could be any one of them.
The yacht belonging to the billionaire Aleksander Ostrowski,
owner of Planet Single, was spotted earlier today
out in a bay near Crete.
The controversial figure was a beloved and popular businessman
before he stepped out of the public eye amid a big fiasco,
becoming infamous for abruptly calling off
the long-awaited holiday premier of his company's Gravity add-on.
Hey, welcome to the island!
First impression so far?
Oh, it's a bit cramped out here.
There's potential though.
Hey, there you go.
Don't you wanna bring some of your friends along?
Nah. They're candidates for casting.
And some of them really want it.
-Casting? That's pretty quick. -Every minute counts.
Have you noticed the hotel filling up? Lots of casting prospects coming in.
I'm a dummy. Thought they were tourists.
I'm gonna be honest.
I don't see much drama.
Love, feelings, communication, that's all super.
Who cares about that though? Who'd watch this?
How about this? Just picture it.
A bunch of sexy couples with slammin' beach bods,
alone on a beautiful deserted island,
all competing to steal each other's partners.
That's a show.
Yeah, but it seems like we're rewarding people
for, well, I don't know,
cheating on their loved ones and general assholery.
So you get it.
"Happily ever after" is just a… a myth. Nobody wants to see happy couples in love.
Snooze alert. I can prove it without an algorithm.
Well, what if we wanted to provoke a change?
Speak to the people, inspire the audience--
Marcel, don't make this difficult, hm?
It's already done. In a few days, we'll start the campaign to promote it.
Okay? We're doing a huge party.
A party?
And, uh, promo work?
Why do you think that I'm bringing in prospects for the cast?
'Cause we're gonna do a red carpet event!
About to get hot!
Organizer's calling.
Hello? How's the situation?
Organizer? What does that make us, Miguel?
Look, I think we need to take some time to think this over, huh?
I can persuade him.
Fuck!
Hey, so, great ideas in there.
I'm just wondering if we might make a few adjustments…
I'm happy to listen, but you know me. When I get an idea in my head…
So there are two handsome guys on the one end of this thing.
Over here we got a stranger, shrouded in mystery. Um…
On the other end of the phone, right?
Man, that sounds like the first scene of a gay porno, huh?
Okay, sure. But I think all of this makes sense.
The only piece I don't get is Aleksander.
I mean, obviously, he controls most of the weather in Poland…
-Sorry? Controls the weather? Bogdan? -Forget it. He depre… depressureates…
-Just, whatever. -Dude, look.
We both have to focus on the crucial thing, which is…
Miguel is absolutely cheating on Marcel,
and I have to get proof of it all somehow, okay?
Not alone, it's you and me! Better partner up
because I know you won't be able to handle a covert op on your own.
Dude, we'll be like Scully and Mulder. How about that? I got dibs on Scully.
Ola!
There you are. Where have you been all this time?
Move, you're in the way.
Maybe you would have actually noticed me
if you weren't so busy chatting up your… your new best buddy over there.
That's crazy, you saw me and didn't come over?
Listen, Maria's super cool. Right up your alley.
Whatever, screw Maria.
'Cause I made some amazing new friends too, actually.
Maybe Magdalena will pick up once in a while
when I call her on the phone.
Magdalena might put some energy into our friendship, Ania.
-Don't say that. -What should I say?
-Well, let's try-- -Girls, girls.
You're on a picturesque and temperate island, and the sun is out…
Oh, and there's a lot of fantastic, young, delicious guys
begging you to look at them.
What's the sense in fighting?
Not to mention,
in a few years, your husbands will both drop dead. Mm?
Making you realize you only have each other.
Life is just so short.
She's got a point.
Let's do this.
I'm sorry, I apologize.
It's okay.
Why don't we paint the town tonight? The two of us.
-No husbands? -Blech! Ew, no.
Ladies night, oh yeah, just like before we got old.
I just wanna dance.
I don't know.
Jeez, isn't this just amazing?
So, can you see anything?
Not really, 'cause he's too far away.
Try these babies.
Eh?
Ah, that son of a gun, what a slimy little weasel.
Trolling for victims. He's so devious, that conniving little shit.
-Let me see those. -What?
-By the way, why do you have all these? -I've been known to bird-watch.
-Did you bring a sandwich? -It's a stakeout, I might get peckish.
Hello, girls. How are you?
-Hi, good. -Hi.
-Hey. Not bad. -My name is Marko.
-Olga and Anna. -Uh, Andrew.
-Nice to meet you. -Nice to meet you. Very, very, very nice.
-Hey, they're pretty young… -Don't worry about it.
Polish girls?
Polish girls.
-Watch out, he's here. -Okay, hide!
-Okay. -What's the move?
-The window's open. -What?
Come on, perfect chance to search his laptop.
-I'm not breaking into someone's house. -I'll boost you up there.
Do you wanna find out if he's the Planet Bandit or not?
-Yeah. -Let's go then.
Okay, man.
Once you get inside, open the back door for me.
Come on.
Ow!
Four rakias, please.
Here's to Poland!
-Cheers! -Cheers!
Damn, password-protected.
HINT: MARCEL'S BIRTHDAY?
Marcel's birthday? I know. Yep, yep.
You sneaky…
-Bingo! -How about that!
Jeez!
He orders more knick-knacks on Etsy than my auntie.
Oh, man, there's an app for secret texting here.
-You are a sleazebag, good lord. -Man, this guy's a slut.
Boom! Got it. "Meet me in the winery after dinner…"
-Oh, shit. Time to go! -Hurry!
Shit…
Hey! Wait.
-The closet, hop in. -What are you even saying?
No, no, no, no, no, no. No, I'm not avoiding you.
I just asked you to never call this number again.
What don't you understand? It's over.
Yeah, you have to accept that.
Listen to me.
Of course I'll always love you, okay?
But the rules have changed now.
What? Are you threatening me?
You know, I really thought you were above this.
I have to go. Yeah, all right.
Marcel. My sweet stallion.
Oh yeah, everything's fine.
It's just been a really busy day.
Oh, you're naughty, aren't you?
Yeah? Is that what you want?
What else do you want?
Uh-huh. Tell me, yeah, talk to me.
So, yeah, from that point on, I've been vegan.
-Mm. -I love animals, all kinds.
Mm.
-I eat fish sometimes. -Ah.
And chicken, here and there.
A steak on occasion, that's just for the protein, you know?
-Mm. -But otherwise, totally vegan.
So ethical.
This one means
that you're very upbeat, lively, and outgoing young lady.
-Yeah? Mm-hmm. -Mm-hmm.
-Although right now, you're a bit lost. -Hmm.
You mind if I have that?
-You're the best. -Sure… yeah.
Be right back!
-Uh-huh. -Bonk-bonk! Bonk!
Um… Sorry, just excuse us.
Hey, no fair, he was just revealing my future.
Ola, can we please ignore them and sit down?
Let's find a little corner and just have a talk? Please, Ola?
We came here to dance. What? You don't like your random guy?
No problem, we'll find you another one in five minutes.
Ola, these guys are idiots. Look, my guy truly believes chicken isn't meat.
You're always so picky. They're fun and cool.
Look!
I know you like it when I'm dominant,
but how about we switch roles today?
If you want, you could even call me Tomek.
Just kidding.
Okay, you big bad stud.
I really have to go take a cold shower.
See you at dinner.
I'll make sure to bring your special dessert.
Bye.
God help me, how does Marcel put up with this guy?
Dude, hey, wait up, wait up!
Let's see if he has the app for Planet Single on his phone.
Wait a sec.
Damn, no luck. Maybe he's got another phone around here.
Wait, let me see once.
Okay, show me some recent calls. Oh!
Uh-huh.
FROM NOW ON TEXT ME ON 725 663 785
-Wait, that's my number. -Dude. It's an old trick.
The person believes they're talking to Miguel.
-But the messages are coming to us. -Yeah!
Hang on.
We're gonna unmask this little Casanova, Bogdan.
-Spa. -Ten o'clock.
Perfect, bro, no clothes, no place to hide a weapon, right?
-Go! -Crap. Leave it!
Hey! Wait, I didn't delete that last message. Delete it!
I'm on it.
I could design a whole new diet for you if you want.
-Special, you know? Tailored. -Yeah, man.
Can I?
Okay. Sure, yeah, maybe later.
-Keep dancing. -Okay.
Whoo!
Okay, easy.
-I'm good. -Andrew!
Ma… Maria!
-Hey! -Wait. Wait.
Remember me?
-Um, yeah. -Ania.
Oh! Jeez, the party's really off the chain, huh?
You mean Ola?
She always starts all innocent,
next thing you know, the gates of hell burst open. Yeah.
Ania?
Ania!
Whoa!
You see what's going on?
I think Miguel's got his ex-boyfriend here.
And soon we can prove that he's cheating.
How do you know he's an ex-boyfriend?
Planet Bandit could've been part of a team.
How many people did the guy scam? He could have had a partner.
So this… this might be a duo.
Be careful, your brain's gonna short-circuit.
Give me that.
What'd you do, man? Battery's drained all the way.
Hey, just remember, you wanted to use my phone, all right?
Shut up, okay? I'll figure something out. Come on.
Oh, Ania!
-You must be having fun! -Ola, what happened to you?
Well maybe if you hadn't ditched me again, you would know, huh?
-Ola, I didn't ditch you. -Nice.
Me and Maria just stepped out for… Wait, have you met Maria?
-Hey, I've heard so much about you. -You know what?
Tonight was supposed to be just us two.
Like the good old days. Remember?
Please explain how you go half a year without calling me or texting. Nothing!
Explain how I'm still supposed to believe you're my best friend?
-Boy, she's got a point, that's too long. -What? Whose side are you on?
-Hey, you stay out of this, all right? -Whoa, girls.
Relax. You know what? Why don't we go on a long, romantic evening walk…
-Listen, douchebag, it's game over. Go! -Yeah. Get out of here.
The only reason you ever hung out with anyone was 'cause of me!
I tried to break you out of your little shell
because I didn't want you to go home alone for the rest of your life.
You needed me!
Oh, oh, oh!
-You wanna party? -You better believe it, girl!
Then we're gonna be up past bedtime!
'Cause if I drink enough…
maybe I'll be more like you.
'Cause the truth is…
…I've always wanted to…
…be hot and crazy.
Ooh!
Maybe then I'd have a chance of being a mom.
'Cause when I'm myself, I'm pretty sure I don't stand a chance.
Bu…
Jesus! Ania!
Goddamn!
Hey, focus.
All right.
What's the plan, huh, Sherlock?
First things first.
We need to scope out anyone here who has a cell phone on them.
Okay.
Oh. Watch out.
Let's split up, okay?
Where are you? I've been waiting fifteen minutes.
Call me back already!
This is totally unprofessional. I'll… I'll be waiting in the massage room.
Tomek! Tomek! Tomek!
Aah!
Tomek?
Aleksander?
Finally. You're late.
I've been sent to meet you here.
My name is, um…
Bernardo.
There must be some misunderstanding. You're not my type.
Well, you're not my type either.
You know what I'm doing here, don't play dumb with me.
Very forceful.
I'm a big fan of that.
Uh, first, I'd really like to get to know you
before we jump into business.
It'd be my pleasure.
You could start with my shoulders.
I gotta say, Marcel surprised me a little at first.
But it does make some sense.
Your show rents the entire hotel complex from him.
Marcel basically gets free advertisements, a bunch of cash,
oh, yeah, plus he gets
one of the very best directors working in the business.
-Everyone wins, don't they? -Totally.
Hey, explain to me, what exactly is in this for Miguel?
-You don't know? -No.
So tell me, how long this has gone on for.
Mm. Well, it's not my first go around, if that's what you're asking.
Mmm.
-I'm sure there were others. -Lots. Oh, yes.
Where?
Mm, the usual venues,
Bangkok, Egypt, Szczecin.
Oh!
Marcel really only had two conditions.
The first one was that you'd be hosting the show
and the second
was that he and Miguel would be equals in this, they'd split it down the middle.
Huh?
Believe me, I tried to talk him out of it.
Business and pleasure. You don't mix those, huh?
As you know, I found that out firsthand.
That one still hurts, huh?
Nah. I moved past that one.
Me and Ania…
It wouldn't have worked.
I see that now.
Oh, those poor guys, what exactly did they do to you?
You wanna know the nitty-gritty?
I want to know everything, got it?
Every name, date, every address, every single dirty thing you did,
and every transaction.
Well, that could take quite a while.
Oh, I'm not worried.
I'm a patient guy.
UNKNOWN NUMBER
What's going on?
Look, you're barely eating.
You know, I just…
I was wondering if, uh…
if this show might just be a big headache.
Might be smart to blow it up, forget it, and just leave it for good.
Look, sorry, it's a bit too late to just bail out.
-The loan won't pay itself, Miguel. -I know.
Marcel, I'm just worried you might be… disappointed with the whole thing.
Miguel, remember the very first place we visited here?
Juktas.
The traditional spot for lovers.
The cliffs are for the rejected to jump off.
And it's also where the happy couples declare their undying love.
Oh, there's my superstar.
Aleks, where'd you run off to?
-Ready? -Always.
Tomek, Danuta.
Oh, I know you.
You're that random Cameo guy, aren't you?
That's right, Tomek here was once a TV star.
-Was this before the Internet? -Yeah.
In the era of Chaplin, yeah.
Oh my God, so you knew him?
Okay, I'm outta here.
Time to go. Duty calls. Okay?
My regards to Ania.
I remember seeing you standing just past the railing.
I mean, I thought I'd have a heart attack.
All it took for me was one look. That did it.
One glance, and the island seduced me.
This is the place I dreamed of all my life.
And you're the person I wanna share it with.
I never said it would be easy.
I just know that all of the struggle, it's going to be worth it.
And as our sweaty bodies writhed together in ecstasy,
Salazar leaned over as we were catching our breath and whispered to me,
in that lovely Moroccan accent he spoke with,
"And that's why they call an orgasm the little death."
I'd never been pleasured like that before.
Bernardo! This was wonderful.
Combining a massage and a therapy session is amazing.
I'm gonna recommend you to everyone.
Oh, please don't. You see, it's my last day working here.
-Oh, that's just tragic. -Hey.
I've got a massage special with Magdalena?
Mm, no, thank you, I'm fine.
"Bernardo"?
Bogdan.
Sorry.
Ah! Oh. Sorry, but can I ask you a question?
Why would a wonderful woman like you have to pay someone for sex?
Sex is simple enough, but love is tricky.
A young, attractive guy comes out of nowhere,
chats you up, adores you, admires you.
He wants to have you around him.
And suddenly you feel attractive again.
You know, The Planet Bandit had that down.
You know… you know about that guy?
Of course, yeah. All of my friends have watched it,
he's sorta become our shared little TV fascination.
We all fantasize about him.
But he stole…
…everything from his victims. He emptied out their bank accounts.
Oh, come on, gimme a break.
They exaggerated that for dramatic effect.
Most of my friends piss away more cash
in a few bingo games during a bad night at the casino.
Huh.
I'm a bit curious about this though…
He never actually slept with them at all.
So he's a romantic, but he's always just out of reach,
not seen much as a lover as an ideal?
Yeah.
I can't believe it! How did I not come up with that one myself?
-Okay. He's gay! -Oh, dude.
-That's bullshit, and you know it. -Wait a sec, hear me out.
Planet Bandit would always prey on women out in… in Malta.
He is gay, bro.
Where did Miguel and Marcel meet? Malta.
Miguel's partner was supposed to be in the sauna, and Aleksander was in there.
So wait, you really think that Aleksander is Miguel's partner?
Bro, I'm serious.
Who except for maybe Miguel and Marcel is gonna benefit most from the new show?
-Well, it'll be Aleksander. -You.
Really!
Aleksander could produce three hundred of these shows
with hosts that are younger, better, and much more charming.
And he picked you, didn't he, Tomek?
So you're actually saying
that one of the most important and rich men in Europe,
uh, hand-picked Miguel and made him pick up Marcel
to exact revenge for me stealing his girlfriend years ago?
Wow.
Whoa, that's even better than the theory I came up with.
Dude.
-What the hell are you up to? -Quiet.
-Bogdan, what's going on? -Shh.
Bro, they're listening to us.
There are cameras everywhere.
Sst! Did you know that Aleksander's been buying up land
from Peloponnesia down to the Suez Canal
and to top it off, he just bought the company OVM?
Yeah, that company is producing our show.
Have you ever wondered why the weather in Poland is so bad?
-Because it's Poland? -No.
Because they own a little outfit known as the Weather Channel.
Bogdan.
Do you think the weather's controlled by a few guys?
That Miguel's a con artist mastermind?
And Aleksander is his boss?
I'm concerned.
Look, honestly, I'm concerned you might be in the midst
of a serious and enduring mental health crisis, Bogdan.
For your own good, I have to say, I can't be the one to see you through it.
I'm sorry.
Hmm.
YOU'LL GET WHAT'S COMING TO YOU
Okay, explain this one now.
Mm… Look. Look!
He's handing over money to that guy there. Make an excuse for that.
I have no idea. You can hardly see the guy.
I don't… It could be our toilet guy. It… I mean, we are having problems. I…
Just look at it, it's clear evidence!
You can't see anything. How is this evidence, huh?
-What do you want? -Marcel, I'm just worried about you.
I'm worried you might be in trouble. What else is new?
But are you worried for me or yourself?
Tomek.
Hey, don't make me choose between you.
I'm glad you two are talking.
Well, it did take both of us to drag you back to your room.
-So we didn't have much choice. -Oh God.
Hey, I'm sorry.
No worries. That's what friends are for, right?
We got some juicy details on Bogdan as well, so it was worth it.
More like bland details.
We don't know much at all about you. What's a girl like you doing here alone?
Hmm?
-In the market for a fun time. -Mmm!
Any requirements?
I don't know, um…
-Just something cool and simple. -Mm.
So like what?
A nice, rich big shot.
-No strings attached. -Hmm.
Or at the very least someone who, uh,
doesn't live with his mom and isn't a moron.
Oh, let's put Bogdan in the cloning machine.
Um, we'll be showing you guys a technique called the Eagle Claw.
There. So…
Right on the eyes.
Once you've got him here, it's time to move on to phase two, smackdown.
Put your hip here, and turn in…
Eagle Claw.
That's it? That's just standard judo.
That would never be effective in real life.
Waste of time.
He wouldn't listen to me and now I'm the worst friend in the world.
Impossible.
Miguel has a meeting in the winery. We might be able to catch him there.
Oh, good luck.
-Aren't you coming? -No, of course not.
I'm not gonna team up after yesterday.
What did I say? Did I say something wrong?
Come on, man, we were partners
and then you told me what you really think.
Uh--
-Let's put it behind us. Forget it. -Big men have feelings too, all right?
You want me to get on my knees and beg you?
Because of your stupid fantasy, I was running around naked.
And what you made me do in Miguel's suite,
in Hungary, you can go to jail for a lot less than that!
Hello! Who let who come in through the backdoor, Bogdan?
You were supposed to be quick. In and out, bada bing.
I didn't know you'd shit the bed!
What? Suddenly you're ashamed? I saw how revved up you were getting
to take a risk and try something new for once in your life.
Look, I'm sorry. Really, okay?
I apologize, man.
I know you tried and… yeah, I really appreciate that.
That means a lot.
Let's move on.
I want you to know that this matters, it's super important to me.
Okay? Give me five.
Excuse me, I'm so sorry to interrupt.
It's just nice to see two guys in love talking through intimate problems.
-You guys are both so sweet. -Mmm.
-Can we go now or what? -Yeah.
Oh, thank you.
Rough night, huh?
Heard you might actually be here.
I was worried you were avoiding me.
You? Never.
I don't believe it. You've been going on dates?
Via the apps?
Yup.
It's like constant market research.
Not very romantic.
Yeah, but who said it has to be romantic?
Jesus, if you only knew all the awful blind dates I've been on.
And on the apps, you can really see everything clearly right away.
-The relationships are simple and honest. -Contractual.
Yeah, that's why they're honest.
Jeez, what happened to the hopeless romantic who believed in true love?
That wanted to find a soulmate for everyone.
-We both know the answer to that, come on. -No.
We both know I would've been completely wrong for you.
Got me there.
Back then I was a very bighearted, naive boy,
with some huge plans.
I just didn't understand how the world worked.
And now I do, Ania.
I have to tell you, sometimes I miss your, uh,
your tireless, never-ending optimism.
Me too.
Sorry, what?
Hm? Forget it.
You know…
Don't ever give up on finding true love.
Yeah, times have changed, but you, uh,
you maybe changed less than you think.
Sorry to disturb you, but I…
I just got your feedback about, um, the deck we submitted.
And?
I understand that sex and cheating are all the rage in media.
But we have a chance to change that trend.
It's low-hanging fruit. Let's not pander, come on!
Marcel, you're talking about Poles.
Poles are obsessed with shows that make them and their kids feel like crap.
And trust me, I have the data.
You see the trailer?
-What trailer? -Yeah.
AI is blowing my mind.
20 SINGLES ONE ISLAND
NO RULES NO CLOTHES
CAN LOVE SURVIVE?
PLANET SINGLE: ISLAND
COMING SOON
I don't get why all the dudes are so hairless.
Just… just… just hang on, lemme see.
-Mm. -Oh, this guy's fine.
PLANET SINGLE PROFILE-69. ACCEPT?
-Ola, stop, what's wrong with you? -Let her practice!
-With the first man she finds? No. -All right, gimme that.
I'm about to show you how it's done.
-Oh, this guy's speedy. -Mm. He's a slick bastard, huh?
PROFILE-69 NEW MESSAGE
That's the first message he sends?
Guess times have changed. My God.
I don't think it's supposed to be that color.
Needs a doctor.
Tell him he should consider seeing a specialist.
Pass.
Listen, Planet Single Classic was a success
because you were watching real partnerships form.
It was all about finding the one and the hope that commitment would last.
Bet it was.
Before algorithms.
Oh, poor little thing. She looks a bit lost.
Maybe I'll show her around.
TOGETHER ON ONE PLANET MARIA, ALEKSANDER
PLANET SINGLE ALEKSANDER ACCEPTED THE INVITATION
Oh my God, ladies, we matched!
-Oh, boy! -He accepted?
-What's the approach? -Uh…
Come on, you were his 92% match, you're perfect for this.
-What are your interests? -Um…
Uh, Chopin, Bergman. Ask him if he's read most recent Tokarczuk.
Ania, we're being flirty, not working toward a doctorate.
Oh, man. Let's do this.
Uh…
Hmm.
Wait, what did he write? Show me.
-He's really funny. -Yeah.
Hello.
Tell him you like it too.
Are you stressed?
No way. This is not my first time.
Good. Very good.
Let's go.
-Should we wait? -No point.
Ania's on her way with Marcel already. Follow me.
Hey, I think we better do good cop, bad cop, okay?
-I call bad cop if we do try it-- -Shh!
Okay, on my signal.
Uh, please, can I?
Okay. All right. We're going in.
Could've opened up the door.
Shh!
Can I loosen it?
What? Darling, it should be even tighter.
-That's too tight for me. -But…
-I don't want to rip it. -Ow! Ow! Ow! Please be careful.
-Jeez, I don't wanna listen to this. -I can't breathe.
One second. This is it. We're moving. Okay.
Hold still.
How about this!
You boys having fun?
-Whoa, what's the matter? -Nah, nah, nah.
My questions here, buddy.
Tell me, does our mutual friend know about your secret meetings?
Marcel doesn't know. And it'd be great if we could keep things that way.
Oops. Too late.
Miguel, what's going on?
Marcel, honeybun, give me a chance, I can explain everything.
Oh. Why don't we start with how you paid this guy right over here
for some dirty sex.
-Oh, come on, that's not true. -Really?
He's an artist, a musician.
We were trying on his outfit.
And as for why I was paying him…
He was working on this staging, that's why I hired him.
Oh.
This is so adorable!
Miguel.
Were you
gonna ask me to marry you?
Well there, your Honor, uh,
you caught me, okay?
Marcel, you can't believe that, he's full of crap. Just listen.
Uh, Marcel, hang on a second. He's lying, there was another guy! Right?
The photographer.
Hey, sorry I'm late, I almost forgot the album.
I'm glad you're here.
It documents our romantic journey, starting with our first date.
It's beautiful.
Oh, Marcel. You mean it?
It's incredible.
But he's a swindler.
I swear, he's the…
The… It's him! He's the guy! The Planet Bandit!
It's true, he's the… the Planet Single Bandit!
-Bogdan can tell you. Go ahead. -No.
-Listen… -Shut your mouth!
Marcel, Marcel. You see what he's doing here, right?
He's been planning this from the very beginning.
Ever since you two first met in Malta.
First, he made you fall in love. Then he convinced you
to sell your properties in Warsaw and buy this resort in Greece.
And why does he want this wedding? Why get married?
It's so he can get half of everything you own!
-Tomek… -No, I… I…
I am not gonna stand by and be quiet while my closest friend gets married to a…
-…a fly-by-night con man! -Enough!
For my entire life,
my purpose has been to help you make all of your dreams a reality.
Your wants and ambitions.
And mine always came second.
Have you ever once asked me what I really wanted?
Mmm.
No.
And I never held that against you.
I never regretted it either.
Until now, Tomek.
Marcel, wait for me!
Marcel!
That's low.
-Can't believe I could be such an idiot. -You're not alone.
Oh, yeah, by the way, thanks, partner!
All that talk about having my back. And you just stood there.
I'm sorry, my God! I told you, confrontation isn't my strong suit.
I can't take it. I'm sensitive. I'm a delicate flower.
Yeah, whatever. Doesn't even matter.
Guess it's just another in a long string of failures.
Oh, stop feeling sorry for yourself.
You're a still a celebrity, a star. You have a charmed life.
A celebrity? Sure. Twenty years ago. Come on.
Do you know what my savings account looks like?
I'm one step away from being on welfare.
This project was supposed to be my last chance.
And it's the only project I've had in years.
If it blows up, I'm done for.
You still got Ania.
It's exhausting, what we're doing.
The constant appointments, the medications, the pills.
And nothing. We get nothing out of it. No results. We're back at square one.
Think Ania would ever be able to move on?
You moved on, right?
You know, once that child is finally born,
and you get a peek at that first smile,
and you start to hear their first words, it's…
I swear to God, it's like magic. It makes you change.
Because, in the eyes of that kid, you're like Superman.
And you start to believe that's who you really are.
The key is just to avoid obsessing over this stuff.
When I think about starting the process over
and having to do it all over again…
I mean, I'd jump at the chance.
It's worth it.
How about some fish?
Okay, let's grab a bite.
-Oh my God, look at her. -She looks gorgeous.
I'd tap that myself.
Look, the bottom line is that Patrick Swayze
…couldn't beat that guy at anything.
Not a damn thing. It's Bruce Lee we're talking about.
Have you seen Road House?
He rips some guy's windpipe out with his bare hands, bro!
All that's left is a giant hole and some gore.
Come on, dude.
Patrick Swayze should play ENT specialist then.
Do you know how strong you'd have to be to rip someone's throat out like that?
Hey, that's the Planet Single guy.
Look behind you.
I told you they were partners.
What's he doing? Is he…?
-He's here. -Oh God.
Sorry I'm late. It's been a crazy day.
-Hey there. -Yes?
I'm good, c'mon, c'mon.
Jesus Christ, look at this douchebag taking a phone call!
-He's being… -Jeez, come on, this is horrible.
Mm. I'm sorry about that.
-Business. -Ah.
Okay, so…
Tell me about yourself.
I've got a better idea.
-Wait, where're you going? -For Miguel.
And bring mezze. Whatever is ready, okay? Whatever's ready.
How about we each confess something?
A secret that you've never admitted to anybody
before this date.
We have to promise each other that we won't ever tell.
Now Miguel's coming over.
Unusual.
-Mm? -Mm.
All right.
I'll do it for you.
Except maybe you should go first.
-Okay, I'm putting this away. -Miguel?
Good evening. Are you enjoying the restaurant?
Yeah, it's phenomenal.
Uh, you know, you look familiar. We met earlier, didn't we? I think…
No, I, um… I would've remembered.
Maria.
Mano!
Right here!
By the way, the chef has prepared some local delicacies
for our specials tonight.
Let's do appetizers first.
-Okay, your secret. Keep going. -Oh, right.
I was maybe 20 or 21 and…
Your flamouriana.
A special soup made with delicious, fresh tomatoes.
Oh, no.
You kidding me?
Wait, that look like an accident to you?
Oh.
Uh…
-I, uh… -Don't touch me. Would you… God!
I'm sorry.
Jesus, my God.
-She can't stop… -I don't get how she's just laughing!
You know what? I hate to say this. It's just, that col--
I'm sorry, but that color doesn't look good on you.
Is she serious? Is she serious?
You got any other garnishes?
Hey, over there! Look!
It's sabotage.
-Huh. -We can't let him, we…
we… we have to do something.
Hey, relax, he's probably just seasoning the food.
What do you mean? Look.
You're not getting away without a story.
-No, no. Wouldn't dream of it. -Okay.
Okay, you're 21, right?
Yeah. About that age and…
-Again, sir, I really do apologize. -Oh, come on.
If you've never eaten like a Greek god before, well, uh, you're about to.
House special.
Come on, hurry.
Thank you, sir.
Please, I wanna hear this.
All right, I'm 21,
and I'm going to see a new gynecologist for the first time.
Mm-hmm.
So, the guy brings me in and tells me to get myself ready for the exam.
I start stripping down, I take off my underwear, and I'm naked.
The guy turns around. He looks alarmed.
-Hm. -His eyes are bulging. I have no idea why.
And finally, he tells me
that the gynecologist
practices a few doors down the hall.
And that he's a dentist.
That happened to you?
A dentist.
Oh, my…
What's the matter?
Oh, no.
Hang on.
Jesus, no, he's choking.
-Don't you think we should help? -Jesus, come on, dude.
Hang on, I'll help you. Just wait.
What if he croaks?
Please. My God. Come on! Stand up, stand up, stand…
Here.
Jeez, hold on…
Oh my God!
Aleks. Aleks.
Jeez.
I'll probably go with the soup.
-I'm sorry. -It's okay. It's okay.
-It's no problem? -No problem. Yeah. Thank you.
I'm sorry. I'm very sorry.
You okay?
Oh God, so, yeah, this's my place.
Yeah. Uh…
-Listen. -Hm?
This evening was surprising, in a good way.
And I wish it wouldn't end.
I don't remember saying it's over.
Hm?
-She shoots, and she scores. -Yes, he's going…
-Yes, yes, yes, she did it! -She did it!
Are you kidding me? We nailed it!
I feel like I'm back in high school.
-Hey, Ania. -Jesus!
Phew.
What're you doing here?
Look, me and Bogdan are currently collaborating on a theory
that Aleks is in some kind of alliance with Miguel.
-What? -Yeah.
We saw Miguel dumping mysterious spices into Aleks' dinner.
And before that, Miguel started receiving threatening messages and warnings
on his cell phone.
And how do you know about these threatening messages on his phone?
We picked up his phone. We broke into his apartment.
-We pulled a switcheroo. -Sorry?
Please.
Listen…
-It's not like we robbed anyone. -Yeah.
So, because of some conspiracy theory,
you've been running around pretending to be detectives for two days?
We only got into his computer though.
-I've had enough. I'm done. -Come on, dude.
Where the hell did my husband go?
-What? I'm right here, honey. -Bogdan!
-Ola! -Bogdan!
No matter how much you drink, I'll always carry you.
-Tomek, look… -Ania, yeah… I…
Okay. I know I screwed up earlier, but I'm serious about all this…
That's an understatement.
Marcel was mortified.
Okay, I was just trying to protect the guy, all right?
Really? Why can't you just admit that you're afraid of losing him, hm?
You're clinging to some memory of your past and you can't move on.
'Cause the past was good.
Things suck now, it's so empty, and it's bound to get worse.
Oh, wow.
-Thanks a lot. -Ania. No.
Ania, I didn't mean us. That's not what I was saying.
You think it's easy for me
to smile and just act like everything's okay? It isn't.
And I know
it's been a lot harder than we expected.
I just really hope we can, um, make it through, you know what I mean?
Please don't disappoint me on that front, okay?
-Who is it? -Wolf!
Ah.
-Didn't let you in the bed? -Couch. And you?
-Beach. -Oh.
All right, you win. Come on.
What do you want?
Look, I'm sure your husband probably loves you dearly.
He's just really bad at showing it.
He barely notices me.
Hmm…
My first husband always wore jackets, no matter what.
He… he could never hang them up right. He'd just throw them wherever.
On the counter in the kitchen, on the floor in the bathroom,
in my daughter's closet.
I mean, it drove me nuts.
After a while, I couldn't bear it, and pretty soon I divorced him.
Now, thirty years and three divorces later,
I've come to the conclusion that might've…
been a stupid move.
He was a really good guy.
Why didn't I just hang up those… those jackets myself?
I'm so damn stubborn, and I really regret that now.
Thank you for that.
The truth is yesterday, I was…
behaving like a complete jerk. I know.
-Yeah, a jerk who is jealous. -Right. Jealous.
A jealous jerk, okay?
Obviously, I should've trusted Marcel. He's always had good judgment.
I, uh… Well, you know, I'm sorry about any hurt or pain I caused.
-I apologize. I'm sorry. -We. We apologize.
Hey, why don't you, uh, apologize separately, okay?
So are… we cool?
I appreciate this a lot.
It takes a big man to admit he's made a mistake.
-Tomek. -Wait, wait.
-Tomek! -Just hang on a minute, Bogdan.
-You're gonna get your turn. -No, I'm serious, you have to see this.
-What? -Look.
Hmm…
You… I knew it…
Is something wrong?
You just got a message
claiming that your identity will be revealed to the police
if you don't leave the island in the next two hours.
-How'd you get my phone? -Magic.
So you are the swindler of Planet Single: Island.
I knew it from the start.
-Okay, call Marcel. -No, come on, please don't.
Please, I'm begging you.
It's true, at first, I was just going do another con, but then when I…
met Marcel and got to know him, I fell in love and my life changed.
I kept thinking about turning things around,
starting a whole new life,
but I screwed up the whole thing, all my plans.
I ruined everything.
Everything.
Marcel deserves to know the truth.
No.
Marcel would be crushed.
So how about this?
I'll leave the island.
I'll leave for good.
Like a total coward.
Please, keep Marcel in the dark.
Tell him a lie.
Give me five!
Dude?
Hey, what's going on? Bro, you got what you wanted.
Where you headed?
'Sup, dude?
Tomek. Come on in.
You know… You must really have some balls.
-Sorry? -Don't play dumb, man.
We know everything. We've seen your messages.
Miguel confessed this morning. He told us the whole thing.
And now he's gone.
-I'm sorry to hear that. -Yeah?
You knew from the start that Marcel was never gonna be able to do the show
the way he imagined it.
You were stringing him along this whole time, and why?
Just because I'm involved, and you wanna get even?
Quite an ego.
Take your stupid little show
and shove the whole damn thing all the way up your f… asshole!
What's that about?
That was just the last gasp of a dying career.
I don't get it, where did he go?
I don't know, but I think he left for good, Marcel.
-Look, I'm sorry. -What'd you say to him?
Nothing. We stopped by to apologize, but he had already skipped town.
That just makes no sense. How could that be?
I don't know, with the wedding, maybe he just got cold feet?
What wedding? Miguel didn't even get a chance to ask me
'cause of this moron over here.
This is all your fault!
Until you showed up here, everything was perfectly all right.
Maybe I should have never invited you.
Fine, I'm sorry, okay? I'm sorry, it's my bad.
Blame me, come on, go right ahead. It's fine with me.
Oh, maybe it's all my fault.
All I've been talking about lately is this stupid show,
and he told… he told me not to do it, and I… I… and I just kept pushing it,
-…and I kept pushing… -Marcel, stop it, all right? Come on, hey.
As for the show, I don't think…
Well, I'm pretty sure you can stop worrying about that now.
What are you saying?
Well, I may or may not have just had a little chat with Aleksander.
Oh God.
All right, Tomek, what'd you say?
What else did you screw up, huh?
You're always welcome to our couch in Warsaw,
we'd be honored to have you.
-Whoa, Marcel! Wait, wait, Marcel! Marcel! -Get off!
Here. Easy. Just calm down!
I don't understand. Everything about it seemed real.
My best friend tried to call it out, and I still wouldn't see it.
In… in part because I thought you were jealous.
I was jealous.
I'm sorry about your lip, Tomek.
-I think I had it coming. -You didn't have…
Yeah.
I guess you did.
If Miguel's plan
was to demolish what we built together,
then, fine, so be it.
I can do that too, Miguel.
You spend all your time with someone.
Pour your whole heart into it.
And a moment later, you find out you've been completely misled.
This's a picture of our first date.
In Malta.
And Miguel got his shirt dirty,
so I offered him my scarf that night.
And he wrapped it around his neck,
and he told me he'd never give it back to me.
-Ola? -What?
What on earth?
-Marcel, this picture's from Malta? -Yeah.
So?
-Maria. -Maria.
Who is Maria?
Wow. Finally, he grants me an audience.
-I wanted to say goodbye before I left. -Ah. Right.
Well, hurry it up, 'cause I made plans with Aleksander.
What, you want me to be impressed?
Actually, I should probably be thanking you.
'Cause that soup spill was first class. A perfect icebreaker for the first date.
-You know, you don't have to do this. -Yeah.
I have to, Miguel.
'Cause I'm not stupid enough to actually fall for a guy
who was supposed to be our mark.
Please, don't say that, come on.
You left me.
Your own sister.
You and me have been side by side for most of our lives,
but you'd hang me out to dry for some bullshit romance?
-It's not bullshit. -Oh.
I'm serious, I've never felt this before.
-It's love. -Well, that's great.
We've spent our whole lives telling ourselves that love is impossible.
What if it's an important part of being happy?
You should give it a chance too.
Get off me.
-Get out. -Please, don't.
-You made your choice. Go. -Maria!
-Get out. -Maria!
So it was Maria scheming on the other end of the phone.
Exactly. She's acting as his silent partner.
She's been writing the messages.
Both of them are the…
-Planet Bandit! -…Planet Bandit!
You're amazing! You're amazing! I love you!
Oh, wait a minute. Are we sure Marcel was supposed to be the victim?
Or is it Aleksander?
Yes! So she was using Marcel to go after Aleksander.
I'm such an idiot. I can't believe I led him to her.
-Ugh, God, that little slut! -Ania!
A bitch. Can't say "slut".
But that would mean Aleksander has nothing to do with any of it.
For God's sake!
I don't get why Miguel would put poison in his food during dinner.
And why did he spill the soup?
Nothing makes sense anymore.
He wasn't trying to poison Aleksander.
All he wanted was to disrupt the date, you see what I mean?
Because he knew Maria was trying to swindle Aleksander.
He did it because of our love, you guys.
He was protecting me.
He loves me!
Listen, we have to save Aleksander.
Without his investment, the whole show will go belly-up.
Oh God! I burned everything we had!
I burned our backstage passes to ABBA. I think they'll be sold out by now?
Marcel! Our primary focus is Aleksander. Hm?
-Enjoy your weekend. -Thank you.
-Um… Hey, boss. -Hey.
-I'm looking for the lady in thirteen. -Uh…
Pretty sure she checked out.
She got in a car with Aleksander about fifteen minutes ago.
-They went to the Palladium. -Ugh! Bastard!
The press event.
Uh, boss, Miguel left this for you at the desk.
What is it?
Marcel, what's going on?
-I have to go. -No, you don't.
We have to get to the press event and find Aleks.
Yeah, uh, you guys go on, I'll be fine, okay?
Tell us where you're going. Jesus!
Gotta follow my heart.
Let's go crash a press conference.
I can park that, sir.
-I'll be back. -Thanks.
Juktas. Please, just be there.
Look, here come Wolf and Ania, the faces of Planet Single Classic.
Hey! Wolf, how's it feel now that you're passing the baton
to the upcoming generation?
It's like, uh, like getting on a bike with no seat.
It's horrible and it hurts,
then over time you get used to it.
Uh, always been a big fan, Wolf!
-Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. -What?
Come on, guys, he's a star.
-Yeah, I'm a superstar. -Our orders from the boss.
He's not allowed in here.
Really? What?
Okay. Good luck, my friend.
-Get back. -What? I'm not a superstar.
I'm a normal human.
-Where the hell you going? -There.
-No. -Okay.
"No." A no's a no.
-Whoa, whoa, wait. No. -No way. Got him?
-Get out of here! -See you back there. Go!
-Hey, hey! Police brutality! -Push him back out!
Back. Get outta here!
That's good, right?
That's what I said. He'll be playing all night.
I'm onto you. You little grifter.
So I'm gonna go do my best to distract Aleksander…
Ola!
-It's a dying business. -Hey, babe.
Ania.
-So you made it. -Thought it might be somewhat enjoyable.
Maria, this is Ania…
-We met at the beach. -We've known each other a long time.
Let's go.
Come with me, let's reminisce about the good old days.
Old pals, you know what us girls are like, eh?
Put your hands down, you clown.
-This is your chance, partner. -What chance?
For you to go all Bruce Lee.
All right.
Move your ass!
Stun!
Dude, it worked!
Go!
They got away. The fat one did some Olympic judo shit.
Not the hair. Don't touch it!
-What's your plan here? -Can't you tell?
-I'm seducing a billionaire. -Shut your mouth!
Admit it, you're a con artist.
I mean, we all pretend, don't we?
Some of us like to pretend to be younger. We sell some fantasy of an ideal life.
Except we all understand deep down that it's bullshit, right?
See? Man, I told you it works.
Gotta admit it, yeah, that was impressive.
Hey, you! Don't move!
I've got them.
Okay.
Run away. Run. Go now.
No!
Bogdan!
Why did you do that?
We're partners. It's my duty to watch your back.
You're my hero.
Please don't let my sacrifice be in vain.
I'm sorry, I gotta go.
-Hurry. -Hang in there.
Thanks.
Give'em hell.
Who told you you could shoot people?
You're not a real cop. What's wrong with you?
What an absolute moron!
So, you guys want a cut?
Say, a ten percent finder's fee?
-Back off, and get out of here. -Oh, please.
I've put myself through too much pain to give it up now.
We might just be forced to tell Aleks who you are then.
Sure, yeah, tell him everything about me, but then you can say goodbye to your show
and the hotel, and Marcel will be screwed.
All right, let's gamble.
Oh, sweetie. You both better learn how to bluff first.
And it seems like you don't have much real proof,
so who's gonna persuade Aleks?
His unfulfilled, jealous, mousey ex?
Or the chick he just spent the best night of his life with?
Cheers!
She's pretty good.
Time to move to Plan B.
We made a Plan B?
Oh, so it's my turn to have a heart attack?
Marcel?
Please, go away.
'Cause the next part is gonna be ugly.
Come on, you know I can't leave.
Go away!
I used you, Marcel.
I don't love you.
My sister was right about me.
I'm just a liar.
I ruin everything I touch, okay?
I can't spend the rest of my life knowing that I screwed everything up.
Or knowing that I hurt you. I can't do it.
Then spend the whole rest of your life proving to me
that you really can be better, that you care.
Make the effort for us.
Don't you think we're worth it?
Sorry, it's complicated.
Whoever said it's supposed to be simple, Miguel?
You'd just forgive me and…
we'd move on?
I betrayed you and you'd be willing to forget about it?
I don't know.
I have no idea what's next.
If there's any chance you're the man I believe you are, then I…
I'm not giving up yet.
Maybe mouth-to-mouth?
Here, I'll help him.
For almost a decade now,
the Planet Single Classic dating app has retained its status as
number one in all of Europe.
Then we made Planet Single Hookups,
and now, we are dominating the global scene
and blowing out the competition.
Bravo!
And today, you're in for a treat.
Brands have to evolve to survive,
and with that in mind, we have something absolutely original.
I'm proud to introduce a new reality show,
Planet Single: Island!
And now, someone very special.
Our guest today is gonna make sure nobody gets too bored.
He's the life of any party.
Please welcome, straight from Ibiza--
Tomek Wilczyński!
Thank you!
It's just incredible to be here with everyone. Thanks, guys! Hey!
I can tell this is a great crowd here today, so glad I agreed to do this.
Get the damn microphone. Do it quietly.
Aleksander's absolutely right.
There just aren't enough places in the media landscape
where people can enjoy watching empty sex or cheap drama!
I'm not saying this sort of idea is horrible, but it is actually…
It's actually a fantastic concept for a show.
-Who is that? -Who…
who needs a partner…
…when you could have endless choices to make sure you don't get bored?
We all get fed the stupid myth of partnership and love.
But the truth is that
the "happily ever after" story is bullshit!
-That's right! -Excuse me?
Yeah, baby, preach!
Aleksander's right.
The initial idea for this show, Marcel's idea, would've been a bore.
You know, originally, it was supposed to be about couples meeting on an island
and overcoming challenges together through the power of love and empathy.
God, I'm falling asleep just talking about it. Right, you guys?
So dang dull!
Luckily, thanks to Aleks' brilliant insight,
we can all get back to checking in on hot couples
who don't have to worry about these problems.
Just pure fun and sex. Mmm?
Just all the easy parts. No hassles or hang-ups.
And when they get bored…
I mean, we all do it, don't we?
We just don't appreciate what matters.
We become totally obsessed
with all the things we could have had in life.
And day by day, it eats at what's most important to all of us.
We keep on drifting apart.
And whatever happiness we had starts to fade.
Because the truth is that anything worth doing
demands care and attention and work. And that includes love.
At the end of the day, true love doesn't come easy.
It has to be fought for.
Ah! No! No. Don't touch me.
Fascinating, I mean it. Really, guys. Fascinating!
I just don't know what you think you accomplished.
Listen, whatever happens here doesn't matter,
you've got a bigger problem.
Did you know she's a con artist?
Plus, she can be a real slu-- bitch.
And she has hair extensions.
She must be losing it, I dunno.
Maria,
it's over.
Look, just be honest.
What does he mean?
What's going on here?
Maria is a professional con artist.
She's using you. All she wants is your money.
Everyone wants my money.
Thank you for your concern.
Relationships, they're all transactional. Give a little, take a little.
-He's amazing! -Popeye, please remove these people.
Are you… are you crazy, Aleksander?
Ania, this isn't Notting Hill.
You can't just crash my press conference, then grab a microphone
and rattle off some half-baked speech
and think that's enough to disrupt a major financial move.
Besides, uh, Marcel's concept is just stupid.
Well, personally, I believe it's brilliant.
Please stay out of this, okay? It's none of your business.
I can't, I'm sorry.
As the company's CFO, it's well within my purview to evaluate
the potential of this new show.
Mama, please don't.
-Wait, you're his mom? -I didn't mention that?
It wouldn't have mattered.
Marcel's pitch cuts against the grain. It's not what our competitors are doing.
And I can tell you, whoever stands out will win.
So, I'm going to take over producing your brand-new show
and meanwhile,
you run along with your new toy.
I think by now we're all fed up with stories about shallow men
who just want to screw around and get their rocks off,
so maybe it's time we told a story about love and commitment for a change.
Marcel, sweetheart.
Now, tell me all your brilliant ideas. In detail, my dear.
Oh, of course.
Mothers.
They just can't help it, that they have to spoil the fun.
Have any plans?
The yacht's waiting.
Please. Let's get the hell out of here.
-Galapagos? -Galapagos? Wait, why?
-I'm buying some cell towers. -Towers? Oh my God, he's… Tomek!
Tomek, did you hear that? Tomek!
No, Bod… Bodzio. Now, drop it. It's all right.
Tomek, where are you going?
Me and my girl got some catching up to do.
Bodzio! There's a group I found online
that claims to have discovered a link
between weather control towers by roads and…
Love is here…
And…?
In every dream I see
In every breath you breathe…
Mm.
It's all around…
There you are.
I'm back.
Don't you see
I'm living this life for you
And every day we dream
Is reason to be
This is the world for me
For you, for me
This is the place for us
In every moment
-Life -Life
-Give me the little love -Little love
-Give me the sweetest kiss -Sweetest kiss
And from now on to forever
Life
Mwah!
We start shooting in a month.
God, can't wait. We're so excited, Marcel.
Ah.
Best of luck, man!
-Can't wait to be the cool uncle. -Same to you.
Okay, so… see you in Warsaw, right?
-Hell no! You kidding? -Hell no! We're coming with you.
-You're going with us? -That's right!
-They're coming with? -Sure, why not?
Uh, what about 5G towers?
-It's fine. My conspiracy cleanse worked. -We'll come visit soon.
Well, there you go.
-Hey. -Aww!
Let's do it.
Hop!
Planet Single Forever!
It's the perfect title!
It'll be a huge hit!
You know, I've been thinking,
and I have a feeling last night might've been it.
Yeah, I… I've been feeling hopeful about it.
Whatever happens, we're a team, right?
Always.
Love is here
In every dream I see
In every breath you breathe
It's all around
Don't you see
I'm living this life for you
And every day we dream
Is reason to be
This is the world for me
For you, for me
This is the place for us
In every moment
-Life -Life
-Give me the little love -Little love
-Give me the sweetest kiss -Sweetest kiss
And from now on to forever
-Life -Life…
-Give me the little love -Little love
-Give me the sweetest kiss -Sweetest kiss
And from now on to forever
Life
This is the world for me
For you, for me
This is the place for us
In every moment
-Life -Life
-Give me the little love -Little love
-Give me the sweetest kiss -Sweetest kiss
And from now on to forever
-Life -Life
-Give me the little love -Little love
-Give me the sweetest kiss -Sweetest kiss
And from now on to forever
Life rom now on to forever