[pop music playing]
[Peppermint] Hey! Thank you so much to everyone
for coming out to celebrate our engagement. [chuckles]
Ugh, and y'all know that I have kissed a lot of frogs.
-Oh. -And maybe even a couple of toads.
But I am…
I am so happy to have finally found my prince.
Well, I would say that, uh… I found my princess,
but y'all know damn well that she is a queen.
[Marley] Aw! Yeah!
Whoo!
Listen, I really wanna fuck a frog.
Like, I had a prince, but maybe I need a frog.
I need to fuck frogs. Is there a frog farm I should know about?
What are you saying?
You know, I had, like, a little college ho phase
back in the dizay, but does going to Señor Frog's two times
and hookin' up with the same Dominican bartender that you didn't tip
really count as a ho phase?
No. Nah, bruh, but for someone who talks about sex as much as you do,
you should be gettin' some.
What he said, honey.
You need to stick a dick in your mouth. They wanna be there.
That is not what I said.
-That's what you were trying to say. -[Khalil] Mm-kay.
Hey, Khalil, you should help me 'cause you're a ho!
Oh! Why… Bring that down. What you doing?
That was a secret? Everybody knows you're a ho.
-They don't know… I'm not a ho. -It's ho-kay with her.
[Khalil] I'm not a ho. Why you saying that?
Hey, real quick,
y'all ever been, like, sad, but, like, nothing is wrong?
All right, Khalil, let's rapid-fire style these feels, okay?
All right. Let's go.
Have you been sensitive to criticism lately?
-I always been like this. -Do you have trouble experiencing joy?
Joy? What is that?
Khalil, sounds like you need a therapist.
[scoffs] A therapist? A therapist.
Okay, and where would I procure somethin' like that, okay?
It's gonna be all right, y'all.
Oh. Khalil.
Why didn't you tell us you were feeling so bad, babe?
I did tell you by not telling you.
Oh my God, you're so man.
Mavis is right about a therapist
because Anita, she helped me with all my control and anger issues.
Wait. I am so sorry. Just one minute.
Aren't you and Daphne in competition to see who can plan the better date?
And if Daphne wins, you literally said, and I quote,
"I'mma blow up all five boroughs." Right?
That's not aggression, Mavis. That is romance.
Y'all don't know how to play.
I've been through therapy. You've met my mom, okay?
You need a therapist. I met your mom. [chuckles]
I can help you find a therapist.
I could be your therapist sensei.
And you are a ho.
-You could be my ho shaman. -I like this.
-Let's go. -[Khalil] Let's go.
[funky beat playing]
♪ Okay One time for the big girls in the crowd ♪
♪ Hey! Hear me now ♪
♪ Go on, sis, yeah Show 'em how to work it out ♪
[Mavis] Trust me on this. Never be attracted to your therapist.
Yeah, nope.
[Khalil] Uh, trust me on this. You'll know if it's right or wrong.
Absolutely the fuck not.
[Mavis] You gotta let your guard down. Everything is not a conspiracy.
How do you think your dad could've been better?
You ask a lot of questions for somebody I don't know.
You wearin' a wire?
[Khalil] And keep your guard up. Just 'cause they're good in the streets…
You, um…
you look like you could break some shit and fix it at the same time.
Wow. Never heard that before.
-You haven't? -Nah.
[Khalil] …does not mean they're good in the sheets.
Ooh, you feel so familiar.
-Feel like my ex-wife. -Oh. Okay.
Except for she couldn't bend over this long. She had arthritis.
That's a great story.
-Yeah… -Yeah. Yeah. You half white, right?
No, my mom's half white.
Tell that white side to take a break until we find this rhythm.
Sure. Yeah, you just have a big ol' Juneteenth party in my pussy right now.
-There we go. -Okay, there we go.
That's it.
Oh, it's… awesome.
♪ I brought you these flowers… ♪
I mean, this is a nice place. Too bad I've been here before though.
But it's… it's… it's cool though. You tried. You tried.
I'm glad I let you plan the first date. I mean, mine will be much better.
The night is still early, Marley.
Wait a minute. This wasn't here when I was here.
[Daphne chuckles] Yes, it was.
Except it can only be accessed by VIPs.
Thank you.
-All right. For the drink. -Mm-hmm.
Oh my God.
This is exactly how I like it. Two olives, extra dirty.
-Mm-hmm. -God damn it.
-How the hell did you know? -I have my ways.
[sighs]
I am delighted
and pissed off at the same time.
-[both chuckle] -Well, cheers to that.
[Mavis] Mm!
I tell you I've been struggling trying to find a good therapist?
Mm-mm.
I need to find somebody that speaks my language, like me.
Yeah.
Last person I talked to asked me if I was comfortable
meeting at a train station at night…
-Mm-mm! -…on LSD…
-No! -…so she could conjure up my ancestors.
[both] Fuck no!
-What? -Are you insane?
She gotta be insane.
-She crazy. -Wild.
I mean… What's her name? I need a therapist.
I'm just kidding. Please don't do that, ever.
'Cause it sounds like it's gonna be directed by Jordan Peele,
and you about to be a Netflix documentary.
-That part. -You know?
Oh, wait. Hold on. Wait. So how's… how's your journey?
Oh, you mean my sexual Jurnee Smollett?
Zat is the one.
Ah, mais oui.
Um… Honestly, very unfulfilling.
-Mm. -Harder than I thought.
Yelp review is giving three out of five stars.
-Not that bad. -For real.
Bad review for everyone.
I mean, I think it's really hard
having someone get to know your body in just one night.
Or somebody try to fix your life in just a hour.
-Wow. That part. -Mm.
Why don't you ask one of your male friends?
A dude. A homey.
You know? Them boys.
-That's hilarious. You ever… -What?
…talked to… Like, you can't just talk to a man about your feelings.
Not talking about our feelings is how we remain friends.
-That's part of the game. -Oh shit.
-Oh shit. We gotta go.
-We gotta go? -We gotta go.
Look, that guy. That guy over there. Oh my God. We gotta go. We gots to go.
I'm too high. I don't know if I got legs right now.
Khalil! Let's go!
-Move out the way! -[squeals]
My best friend's a ho!
[rock music playing]
[music stops]
We've reviewed the expenses to identify the areas where we can cut--
All right, everybody, shut the fuck up.
I need to know who has a client with some top-shelf access
to some important shit. I have a date, and I need pitches.
Uh… Is she a side chick or a main chick?
Potential main.
I know a guy who can get you in to see Hamilton.
-Boom. -Nah… It ain't no boom.
I'm embarrassed that you thought that was a good idea.
All right, guys, listen the fuck up.
I date like a rich white man. Don't leave out any entitlement.
Let me know what the fuck is good.
["BRAND NEW" by The Pocket Queen playing]
♪ Da-da da-da-da ♪
♪ Da-da da-da-da, da-da…♪
♪ I feel brand new ♪
♪ Like summertime in June ♪
♪ Like roses that have come in bloom… ♪
-Oh no, Mavis. -What's up?
-No. -What do you mean, no?
-Not here. Not like this. -You know how hard it's been, okay?
And he was here last night, so, you know… it's familiar.
Mavis, for this, you have to be Simone motherfuckin' Biles to stick this landing.
That is not nice. You know I have shin splints.
[sighs] I'm just sayin'.
Don't he look like he just know how to put it down,
pick it back up again, put it back down again,
maybe flip it a little bit?
How would I know that?
This is compliments of the hot guy at the bar.
-What hot guy at the bar? -Hold on.
-[laughs] -Oh, stop it.
You're so silly.
No, no. Mavis.
Stop with the cherry. No, get your tongue out of there.
What are you doing? Put your tongue away.
-It's so wet! -Oh my God.
-[laughs] -♪ I feel brand new… ♪
You like that?
[Mavis] Oh God!
-Oh! -♪ Like roses that have come in bloom ♪
It's snowin', but it's tasty.
Hey, Mavis.
Oh, hey. Bonjour. I made you some lemon bars.
Oh, I'm on my way out. This didn't seem like a breakfast situation.
Um… No, this is not a breakfast situationship.
Just a thank-you for last night.
That was wonderful and wild and wet and other W words.
I mean, you really just pressed every button on the control board
like you had been there before.
-Well, that's what I do. -We should do it again.
-For sure. Yeah. -Yeah. Okay.
-[Mavis] Oh! -[both laugh]
-I'll see you soon. -Okay.
-Yeah. -Bye.
Yummy.
[man] Where you going?
-What you got? -[man] Take that. Take that. There it is.
Oh God. You on your back more than a Kardashian.
-What's wrong with you? -Ain't no flopping in pickup, brah.
-You all right though? -Look.
I don't know how to ask you all this, but…
I think…
I… I think I might need…
-Money? -Fake passport.
-A good lawyer. -Nigga, no. What are y'all talking…
No, nigga. I need a…
-[mumbled] I need a therapist. -What now?
[softly] A therapist.
-A therapist, nigga! A therapist. -Hell yeah. I'm in therapy, dog.
-Word? -Yeah.
Me too, man.
Y'all two niggas been in therapy, emoting and shit behind my back?
And I'm a whole-ass licensed therapist, so there's that.
Hold on, if you a therapist, how you fouling so much?
That's called setting boundaries.
Something you would understand if you went to therapy.
Brah, it's all good. You can use mine.
Erica? Man, she uses all the big words like "trauma" and "generational."
And what's the other one? Oh, "inner child."
Did you know there's a little nigga inside you?
-What? -Your eight-year-old self is inside you.
There's a little nigga inside of me?
-That's right. -Unhealed.
Well… fam, if y'all can hook me up, man, I need a plug.
I got you.
I mean, it might be a little weird if you saw my girl Erica.
You definitely would be better with a Black male therapist anyway.
He means with your particular set of issues.
What do you mean, my issues? My particular… What kinda…
-No, he said-- -Trigger. Trigger. Trigger.
[Daphne] I love the Brooklyn Museum, but it's closed now.
[Marley] Not for us, and I flew food in from San Francisco.
And wait until you taste the Dungeness crab dumplings.
-Okay. -Oh!
[clacks]
What the fu…
Um… [laughs nervously]
[inhales sharply] Gi… Give me a second, okay?
[softly] Oh my God.
Ted. Hey, I'm… I'm stuck outside. Where's your fucking guy?
What? What fuckin' emergency?
Are you fucking kidding me?
You better pick a spot on your body
because I'm gonna rip you a new asshole.
Not where there's already a hole, you fuckin' asshole! Damn it!
[chuckles] Minor snag. [chuckles]
No, Khalil, but the sex was amazing, okay? There's no way that shit was one-sided.
And I texted him, "u up?" all lowercase a few days later, and he didn't reply?
What's up with that? Not even three dots. Honestly, what the fuck is that?
I hate to tell you this, but you got ghosted. Yes, you did.
You got ghosted at the place where we like to eat and drink
and hang out and be merry.
-Khalil? -Yes.
I saw the whites of this man's eyes. I just saw his Adam's apple all night.
He even put his… his tongue between my toes like a overpriced pedicure.
Time out. I can't hear that no more.
-What, my bunion? -It's a lot.
The point is, we are gonna figure out what happened.
-We? -Yes, we.
I mighta been ghosted by his rizz or whatever,
but, honey, I'm a zombie, and now I'm back from the dead!
-["Bounce It Biggity Bounce It" playing] -I don't think that's how you use rizz.
♪ Biggity-biggity-biggity Bounce it ♪
♪ Drop, give me 50, girl Give me what you got ♪
♪ Girl, drop give me 50, girl Give me what you got ♪
♪ Bounce, biggity bounce it Shake, biggity, shake it… ♪
-Hey. -Hey. Can I get you a drink?
Can you get me a drink?
You're not gonna even acknowledge that you didn't reply to my text?
-And I will have a beer. -Oh boy. I knew it. Damn.
Oh boy, you knew what? Wha… Wha… Wha… Wha…
What did you know exactly?
That you're trying to get wifed up. Lock me down.
Excuse me?
That I'm trying to get wifed up? I texted you, "u up?" all lowercase.
Is that not international for "You wanna fuck tonight?" Is it not?
You can text whatever you want, but you was giving brown-sugar vibes.
Yo, I hate to intervene 'cause I don't wanna be involved,
but my best friend is just trying to be a ho.
Thank you so much, Khalil.
She baked me lemon bars from scratch, bro.
-Tell me you didn't do that. -You can't buy those over the counter.
They're disgusting. You welcome.
Even put it in Tupperware she obviously wanted me to bring back.
-The good kind with the red top? -Exactly. I know she had foil.
-Mavis. -Excuse me?
Wife you? Oh, baby!
The only aisle I'm walking down is at Walgreens to get more condoms
for the big dick I be pullin' in every week.
That's right.
I'm getting dicked down with the coupon, you low-budget Terence Trent D'Arby.
Are you serious?
And to think, I showed you a little kindness
and used my good European butter on your ass,
and you think you're the catch of the century?
Who told you that?
-'Cause they lied, bitch. -Oh Lord.
I mean, I just want to get dicked down.
It's my right to get dicked down.
-Exactly. -You better preach.
[Mavis] So you can fuck off.
[patrons] Ooh!
["Get it Got it" by Adi Oasis playing]
This hit the spot perfectly.
I got it from my favorite Puerto Rican spot.
And I'm really glad you liked it, Daphne.
I really wanted to impress you.
It's been a long time since I felt like impressing anyone.
-I called your office. -You… You did what?
I wanted to know how you like your martinis,
so I called your assistant, and when he wouldn't tell me,
threatened him with the government thing.
[laughs]
-Are you serious? -Yeah.
Hmm.
I don't know if I'm more turned on by the fact that you did that
or that I get a chance to fire someone tomorrow.
How does it feel to kiss a winner?
How do you know you won?
You didn't get to first base on your date.
Need I remind you, we're having dinner on some steps.
-Come here. -Mm.
♪ I know you came here for something ♪
♪ I don’t like makin' assumptions ♪
-♪ But I can tell ♪ -♪ Oh, I can tell ♪
♪ Speak on it right now while you can ♪
♪ 'Cause closed lips don’t get fed ♪
[song fades out]
Let me start by saying thank you
for giving me the opportunity to listen to you.
You know, therapy is still taboo in our community,
so major props for coming in, really.
So what brings you in today?
My best friend… uh… thought I should see someone.
-I'm not enjoying stuff like I used to. -Like what?
Like, I usually have a very, very healthy appetite for sex,
but… I don't,
and… like, it's not satisfying.
I even had a…
a foursome not too long ago, and… I wasn't feeling it.
That ain't never happened to me before.
Well, there's no need for you to be so hard on yourself. It's unnecessary.
Tell me what's been going on that's different lately.
I guess I'm hurt.
Just broke up with my girl.
And that's done.
You know, ain't gonna happen with that now, but…
And I also don't wanna go back to doing what I was doing.
So you're saying you're unable to use your old coping mechanism,
which is sex.
-Exactly. -And how does that make you feel?
I don't know if I got the words for it. If I gotta throw something out there,
I guess it'd be… lost.
Good.
See, it's really important to acknowledge where you are.
You see, as Black men, we taught to bury our feelings.
I'm talking about we bury 'em deeper than the Mob buried Jimmy Hoffa. [laughs]
You know, it's crazy. I know somebody that knows where he buried for real.
-Is that right? -Yeah.
Everybody thinks it's in the Meadowlands, but that don't make no sense.
Uh-uh.
I mean, why would the Mob kill him in Detroit
and bring him all the way back--
-To Jersey. -[chuckles]
So it feels like, for you, that women are the tip of the iceberg.
[Khalil] Hmm.
I'm gonna give you an exercise that'll help you get your feelings out
and also allow you to acknowledge where you're at
because that's the main thing here.
Yeah, word.
I ain't never been this happy to talk to a stranger.
Hey, we all we got, brother.
Real talk.
I don't get it. Why is hoing so difficult? This is crazy.
Like, how are single people supposed to get their needs met?
You think I made you run from women on the subway for quick cardio?
Damn.
I mean, man, I'm telling you, it is hard in these single streets.
It is. It's very hard. It's like…
-Real talk, it's wild. -Crazy.
And sometimes, people aren't honest, or they're too honest.
And sometimes, people like you more than you like them, or vice versa.
Ooh, ooh, or sometimes, you just want someone to… to chill with.
-Yes. -And just…
I mean, and not put a name on it or a label on it.
-I know. -Because you just…
You don't know 'em like that yet.
I know. Why can't we do that?
Sometimes, you just want some company, and they start talking shit.
-Mm-hmm. -No wonder you're like this.
Khalil, I am so sorry I ever judged you for bein' a ho.
I mean, all I can say is thank you for
seein' a different side, you know.
Khalil.
My God. What's goin' on? Are you okay?
Yeah, I ju… It's just my… my…
[clears throat] My therapist, I found a good one,
said that I, you know, need to acknowledge where I'm at,
and so I should just let my feelings go.
And now you got my fuckin' floodgates open.
So… [sniffles] Mm.
It's okay. Let it out.
I cry all the time.
Yeah, I know, but that's your thing.
[sighs] Oh my God. Um…
-Thank you for always being there. -Of course.
I'll always be here.
-I love you. -I love you too.
We're gonna be okay.
But don't tell nobody I'm tearin' up and shit, okay?
Oh my God. I won't tell anybody.
Especially Marley. She'll never respect you.
[both chuckle]
["Rock wit U (Awww Baby)" by Ashanti playing]
[Irv Gotti] ♪ Yeah, Murder Inc Murder Inc ♪
[Ashanti] ♪ I wanna love you, babe ♪
[Irv Gotti] ♪ Let's rock ♪
-[Ashanti] ♪ Can you rock with me? -♪ Awww, baby ♪
♪ Nonstop with me ♪
♪ Can you take it to the top with me? ♪
-♪ I just wanna love you, baby ♪ -♪ Love you, babe ♪
-♪ Always thinkin' of you, baby ♪ -♪ I'm thinkin' of you, babe ♪
-♪ Can you roll with me? ♪ -♪ Ooh, baby ♪
♪ All over me ♪
♪ Can you take control of me? ♪
♪ I just wanna love you, baby ♪
♪ Always thinkin' of you, baby ♪
♪ I think I like How your body feels next to me ♪
-♪ Awww, baby, when you're kissing me… ♪ -[Mavis] Holy shit!
-[vibrator buzzing] -What?!
What?!
What?
♪ Awww, baby, when you come to me… ♪
♪ She'll be comin' round the mountain When she… ♪
[squealing] ♪ …Comes! ♪
-[Ashanti] ♪ Nonstop with me ♪ -♪ Stop with me ♪
♪ Can you take it to the top with me? ♪
-♪ I just wanna love you, baby ♪ -♪ Love you, babe ♪
-♪ Always thinkin' of you, baby ♪ -♪ I'm thinkin' of you, babe ♪
-♪ Can you roll with me? ♪ -♪ Ooh, baby ♪
-♪ All over me ♪ -♪ Over me ♪
♪ Can you take control of me? ♪
-♪ I just wanna love you, baby ♪ -♪ Love you, babe ♪
♪ Always thinkin' of you, baby ♪
♪ See, I don't know if I can handle you As just a friend ♪
♪ Awww, baby, yeah, I can't pretend ♪
♪ Awww, baby, I'm so far in ♪
♪ But I don't mind As long as I could have you in my life ♪
♪ Awww, baby, I'm satisfied ♪
♪ Even if you're not just mine ♪
-♪ Can you rock with me? -♪ Awww, baby ♪
♪ Nonstop with me ♪
-♪ Oh no ♪ -♪ Can you take it to the top with me? ♪
-♪ I just wanna love you, baby ♪ -♪ I wanna love you, babe ♪
-♪ Always thinkin' of you, baby ♪ -♪ Thinkin' of you ♪
-♪ Can you roll with me? ♪ -♪ Ooh, baby ♪
-♪ All over me ♪ -♪ Over me ♪
♪ Can you take control of me? ♪
-♪ I just wanna love you, baby ♪ -♪ Love you ♪
♪ Always thinkin' of you, baby ♪ -♪ Love you ♪