1
00:00:01,627 --> 00:00:03,963
ANNOUNCER: They've got
to stop them in this series.

2
00:00:04,003 --> 00:00:06,173
Geez!
Damn it!
Come on!

3
00:00:06,214 --> 00:00:08,968
ADULT SHELDON:
In Texas, the Holy Trinity

4
00:00:09,009 --> 00:00:12,471
is God, football and barbeque,

5
00:00:12,513 --> 00:00:15,808
not necessarily in that order.

6
00:00:15,850 --> 00:00:19,478
I don't care if you win,
just cover the damn spread.

7
00:00:19,520 --> 00:00:20,855
Mom, are you
betting again?

8
00:00:20,896 --> 00:00:22,230
No.

9
00:00:22,272 --> 00:00:23,524
ANNOUNCER:
...fans on their feet,

10
00:00:23,565 --> 00:00:24,733
trying to urge the defense on.

11
00:00:24,775 --> 00:00:26,025
Fourth down.

12
00:00:26,067 --> 00:00:27,277
Gotta punt.

13
00:00:27,319 --> 00:00:28,904
Gotta.

14
00:00:28,946 --> 00:00:31,031
Statistically, always
punting on fourth down

15
00:00:31,072 --> 00:00:32,199
makes no sense.

16
00:00:32,240 --> 00:00:34,201
Statistically,
you're a dumbass.

17
00:00:34,242 --> 00:00:35,202
Hey.

18
00:00:35,243 --> 00:00:36,537
When the Aggies give up the ball

19
00:00:36,578 --> 00:00:38,163
on their own five-yard line,

20
00:00:38,205 --> 00:00:41,291
the opposing team has
a 92% chance of scoring.

21
00:00:41,333 --> 00:00:44,169
When they punt from deep
in their own territory,

22
00:00:44,211 --> 00:00:46,714
the other team still has
a 77% chance of scoring.

23
00:00:46,755 --> 00:00:48,924
But since they convert

24
00:00:48,966 --> 00:00:51,385
on fourth down 50% of the time,

25
00:00:51,426 --> 00:00:54,889
the math says they should
never punt again.

26
00:00:57,016 --> 00:00:59,977
Okay, you can tell me,
who's his real daddy?

27
00:01:01,937 --> 00:01:04,815
Sheldon, I've been playing and
coaching football all my life.

28
00:01:04,857 --> 00:01:06,817
I don't think your math
is right.

29
00:01:06,859 --> 00:01:08,402
Really?

30
00:01:08,443 --> 00:01:09,904
Hang on.

31
00:01:09,945 --> 00:01:11,530
No, it's right.

32
00:01:11,572 --> 00:01:13,240
ANNOUNCER: ...able to hold A&M
to a field goal,

33
00:01:13,281 --> 00:01:14,950
they'll only be down six points.

34
00:01:14,992 --> 00:01:16,284
Is it your dentist?

35
00:01:16,326 --> 00:01:17,953
The little guy
with the glasses?

36
00:01:17,995 --> 00:01:20,163
You can tell me.

37
00:01:20,205 --> 00:01:23,250
♪ Nobody else
is stronger than I am ♪

38
00:01:23,291 --> 00:01:26,127
♪ Yesterday I moved a mountain ♪

39
00:01:26,169 --> 00:01:28,672
♪ I bet I could be your hero ♪

40
00:01:28,714 --> 00:01:32,426
♪ I am a mighty little man ♪

41
00:01:32,467 --> 00:01:36,013
♪ I am a mighty little man. ♪

42
00:01:39,600 --> 00:01:42,603
I got to tell you, I'm a little
worried about my mother.

43
00:01:42,644 --> 00:01:44,479
She keeps betting on
these football games,

44
00:01:44,521 --> 00:01:46,314
next thing you know,
there's an Italian fella

45
00:01:46,356 --> 00:01:48,650
driving off with
her pickup truck.

46
00:01:51,612 --> 00:01:53,030
You think
Sheldon's right?

47
00:01:53,072 --> 00:01:54,573
About what?

48
00:01:54,615 --> 00:01:56,867
The punting
and the math.

49
00:01:56,909 --> 00:01:58,911
I should think so.

50
00:01:58,953 --> 00:02:00,955
He's been doing our taxes
since he's six years old.

51
00:02:00,996 --> 00:02:02,330
We never been audited.

52
00:02:02,372 --> 00:02:04,583
That's true.

53
00:02:06,418 --> 00:02:10,380
He even got us that
nice refund last year.

54
00:02:10,422 --> 00:02:15,427
♪ I got some ocean front
property in Arizona... ♪

55
00:02:15,469 --> 00:02:19,306
How come Mom's
not taking me to school?

56
00:02:19,347 --> 00:02:20,724
'Cause once in a while,

57
00:02:20,766 --> 00:02:23,143
your dad wants to spend
some time with you.

58
00:02:23,184 --> 00:02:26,105
My little Shel-man.

59
00:02:26,187 --> 00:02:27,815
But Mom's car has a backseat.

60
00:02:27,856 --> 00:02:29,608
Statistically,
I'm much safer there.

61
00:02:29,650 --> 00:02:31,986
Hey, I'm glad you brought up
statistically.

62
00:02:32,027 --> 00:02:34,571
You think those numbers you
talked about for Texas A&M

63
00:02:34,613 --> 00:02:36,197
would apply to
my JV squad?

64
00:02:36,239 --> 00:02:38,158
I don't see why not.

65
00:02:38,199 --> 00:02:42,287
Unlike our former principal,
math doesn't discriminate.

66
00:02:42,329 --> 00:02:46,000
You're not thinking about
taking his advice, are you?

67
00:02:46,041 --> 00:02:48,376
Never you mind.
But he's wrong.

68
00:02:48,418 --> 00:02:50,671
Everybody knows
you punt on fourth down.

69
00:02:50,712 --> 00:02:53,132
Why does everybody knowing
something make it right?

70
00:02:53,172 --> 00:02:54,800
Because.

71
00:02:56,718 --> 00:02:59,013
That's what makes
this country great.

72
00:02:59,054 --> 00:03:00,681
ADULT SHELDON:
Many years later,

73
00:03:00,722 --> 00:03:02,683
my brother would use
this same argument

74
00:03:02,724 --> 00:03:04,768
in front of a judge.

75
00:03:04,810 --> 00:03:08,897
He was still convicted
for urinating in a phone booth.

76
00:03:08,939 --> 00:03:10,607
(crowd shouting,
cheerleaders chanting)

77
00:03:13,902 --> 00:03:15,946
(crowd cheering)

78
00:03:19,366 --> 00:03:20,408
(whistle blowing)

79
00:03:20,450 --> 00:03:22,119
Oh, damn it.

80
00:03:22,161 --> 00:03:23,370
I'll send in
the punting team.

81
00:03:23,411 --> 00:03:24,705
Hang on. Hang on.

82
00:03:24,746 --> 00:03:26,081
What?

83
00:03:26,123 --> 00:03:28,375
Let's go for it.

84
00:03:28,416 --> 00:03:30,752
Why? We got plenty of time.

85
00:03:30,794 --> 00:03:32,546
I know. Still want to go for it.

86
00:03:32,587 --> 00:03:35,841
We're on the 12-yard line.
Everybody know you punt.

87
00:03:35,883 --> 00:03:38,385
Why does everybody knowing
something make it right?

88
00:03:40,637 --> 00:03:43,348
But we're on
the 12-yard line, Coach.

89
00:03:45,059 --> 00:03:48,145
Okay, Coach says
we're going for it.

90
00:03:48,187 --> 00:03:49,688
Stupid brother.

91
00:03:49,730 --> 00:03:51,481
What?
Nothing.

92
00:03:51,523 --> 00:03:54,985
Power left jumbo on two, on two.
Ready, break!

93
00:03:55,027 --> 00:03:58,405
P.A. ANNOUNCER: And your Wolves
are going for it on fourth down.

94
00:03:58,446 --> 00:04:00,115
What the hell? Punt!

95
00:04:00,157 --> 00:04:02,743
Statistically, they're
better off going for it.

96
00:04:02,784 --> 00:04:05,913
Says who?
My little boy.

97
00:04:10,084 --> 00:04:12,419
(whistles blowing)

98
00:04:12,460 --> 00:04:13,712
That's why everybody punts.

99
00:04:13,754 --> 00:04:15,839
That was just
plain foolishness.

100
00:04:15,881 --> 00:04:18,092
Your little boy's
a real genius.

101
00:04:18,133 --> 00:04:20,343
Well, actually he is.

102
00:04:20,385 --> 00:04:22,303
(whistle blows)

103
00:04:23,471 --> 00:04:26,225
Too many men on
the field, defense.

104
00:04:26,265 --> 00:04:27,684
Replay fourth down.

105
00:04:27,726 --> 00:04:30,145
Ah. Thank you, Jesus.

106
00:04:30,187 --> 00:04:33,899
Now, can I send in
the punt team?

107
00:04:36,026 --> 00:04:37,569
Coach?

108
00:04:41,907 --> 00:04:43,450
ANNOUNCER: And they're
going for it again.

109
00:04:43,491 --> 00:04:45,452
What the hell? Punt!

110
00:04:45,493 --> 00:04:47,495
Remind me to tell you about
the tax refund I got

111
00:04:47,537 --> 00:04:49,164
from the IRS.

112
00:04:49,206 --> 00:04:50,373
Set. Hut!

113
00:04:56,213 --> 00:04:57,338
Go, go, go, go, go, go!

114
00:04:59,299 --> 00:05:00,425
Go!
Whoo!

115
00:05:01,509 --> 00:05:04,221
Go, go, go! Go!

116
00:05:04,263 --> 00:05:05,847
ANNOUNCER:
He's at the 30, the 20, the 10.

117
00:05:05,889 --> 00:05:08,600
Touchdown, Wolves!
(crowd cheering)

118
00:05:08,642 --> 00:05:10,435
(both laughing)

119
00:05:12,020 --> 00:05:14,731
I never had any doubt, Coach.
Never had any doubt.

120
00:05:16,399 --> 00:05:19,861
Oh, booyah! Yes.

121
00:05:19,903 --> 00:05:21,571
♪ ♪

122
00:05:29,997 --> 00:05:31,165
Sweet dreams, baby.

123
00:05:31,206 --> 00:05:32,499
Mwah.

124
00:05:32,540 --> 00:05:34,626
Night, Meemaw.

125
00:05:36,920 --> 00:05:38,630
Can I ask you a favor?

126
00:05:38,672 --> 00:05:40,757
Sure. What?
You know those statistics

127
00:05:40,799 --> 00:05:43,010
that you were talking about
with your dad?

128
00:05:43,051 --> 00:05:46,805
Could... could that be
applied to, say,

129
00:05:46,847 --> 00:05:49,308
who might win the
Cowboys-Packers game next week?

130
00:05:49,348 --> 00:05:52,686
And, more specifically,
by how much?

131
00:05:52,727 --> 00:05:56,815
I suppose with enough data
I could make a reasonable guess.

132
00:05:56,857 --> 00:05:59,151
I don't want a guess,
I want to know.

133
00:05:59,193 --> 00:06:00,694
Mom said you're not
supposed to gamble.

134
00:06:00,735 --> 00:06:02,403
Sleep, child!

135
00:06:02,445 --> 00:06:04,239
MARY: Mom?
In here!

136
00:06:04,281 --> 00:06:07,117
(whispers): I'll get those
numbers to you tomorrow.

137
00:06:07,159 --> 00:06:10,078
Just tucking him in.
(chuckles)

138
00:06:12,289 --> 00:06:14,333
I got something for you.

139
00:06:15,334 --> 00:06:17,211
It's dirty.

140
00:06:17,252 --> 00:06:19,462
Well, that's 'cause
it's the game ball.

141
00:06:19,504 --> 00:06:23,091
And you earned it,
'cause you helped us win.

142
00:06:23,133 --> 00:06:25,093
Okay, but can you wash it?

143
00:06:25,135 --> 00:06:28,722
Sheldon, your daddy's
telling you he's proud of you.

144
00:06:28,763 --> 00:06:31,725
I see. Thank you, Dad.

145
00:06:31,766 --> 00:06:33,810
You're welcome.

146
00:06:36,021 --> 00:06:38,190
I'm still never touching that.

147
00:06:38,232 --> 00:06:40,692
Let's go wipe it off.

148
00:06:44,779 --> 00:06:46,447
(school bell rings)
ADULT SHELDON:
For the next five weeks,

149
00:06:46,489 --> 00:06:47,949
I continued to help
my father apply statistics

150
00:06:47,991 --> 00:06:49,617
to coach his team.

151
00:06:49,659 --> 00:06:51,786
Not surprisingly,
they continued to win,

152
00:06:51,828 --> 00:06:54,581
which changed my status
in the school dramatically.

153
00:06:54,622 --> 00:06:55,916
There he is!
Yo, Sheldon!

154
00:06:55,957 --> 00:06:57,458
(students cheering,
excited chatter)

155
00:06:57,500 --> 00:06:58,459
Shel-dog!

156
00:06:58,501 --> 00:06:59,961
Math man!

157
00:07:00,003 --> 00:07:01,880
Hey, cutie.

158
00:07:01,922 --> 00:07:03,464
It was a nightmare.

159
00:07:03,506 --> 00:07:06,134
Shel-dog! Woo-hoo!

160
00:07:06,176 --> 00:07:09,179
Hugging, hair tousling,
high fives.

161
00:07:09,221 --> 00:07:12,891
And as my popularity grew,
so did my time aloft.

162
00:07:12,933 --> 00:07:14,642
(screaming)

163
00:07:14,684 --> 00:07:17,436
♪ ♪

164
00:07:17,478 --> 00:07:18,855
(screaming)

165
00:07:18,897 --> 00:07:20,523
♪ Everybody wants it. ♪

166
00:07:28,865 --> 00:07:32,619
Hey, I've been looking
all over for you.

167
00:07:32,660 --> 00:07:34,537
Do you know how
popular we are?

168
00:07:34,579 --> 00:07:36,290
We?
Yeah.

169
00:07:36,331 --> 00:07:38,917
I put the word out I was helping
you with the football stats.

170
00:07:38,959 --> 00:07:40,627
And since I'm Asian,
they bought it.

171
00:07:40,668 --> 00:07:43,422
Well, I'm glad
you're enjoying it.

172
00:07:43,462 --> 00:07:44,965
You're not?

173
00:07:45,006 --> 00:07:47,926
I was touched 82 times
this afternoon.

174
00:07:47,968 --> 00:07:49,386
What do you mean, "touched"?

175
00:07:49,428 --> 00:07:50,720
Not inappropriately.

176
00:07:50,762 --> 00:07:52,139
Joyfully.

177
00:07:52,180 --> 00:07:53,807
Affectionately.

178
00:07:53,848 --> 00:07:56,143
A cheerleader hugged me
to her bosom.

179
00:07:56,184 --> 00:07:57,727
That's amazing.

180
00:07:57,769 --> 00:08:00,021
No more high fives.

181
00:08:00,063 --> 00:08:02,149
I can't keep
washing my hands.

182
00:08:08,280 --> 00:08:09,990
Hey.

183
00:08:10,031 --> 00:08:12,200
There's my little
assistant coach.

184
00:08:12,242 --> 00:08:13,701
Hello, Dad.

185
00:08:13,743 --> 00:08:16,788
You have any more,
uh, arithmetic ideas

186
00:08:16,830 --> 00:08:18,248
for next week's game?

187
00:08:18,290 --> 00:08:20,792
I do, but I'm trying
to finish my homework.

188
00:08:21,793 --> 00:08:23,837
Ah.

189
00:08:25,088 --> 00:08:27,341
Looks complicated.

190
00:08:27,382 --> 00:08:30,760
Advanced chemistry.
It's not.

191
00:08:30,802 --> 00:08:32,511
What are you guys doing?

192
00:08:32,553 --> 00:08:34,473
Your brother and I are gonna
knock around a few ideas

193
00:08:34,514 --> 00:08:36,016
for the Freeport game.

194
00:08:36,057 --> 00:08:37,516
Can I help?

195
00:08:37,558 --> 00:08:39,686
Actually, yeah.
Run out to my truck.

196
00:08:39,727 --> 00:08:41,271
There's a little, uh,
pocket calculator

197
00:08:41,313 --> 00:08:42,189
on my front seat.

198
00:08:42,230 --> 00:08:43,690
I got you a present.

199
00:08:43,731 --> 00:08:45,859
Thought it might help
with your figuring.

200
00:08:45,900 --> 00:08:48,528
I don't need a calculator, Dad.
I am one.

201
00:08:48,569 --> 00:08:49,737
Sure.

202
00:08:49,779 --> 00:08:51,614
Well...

203
00:08:51,656 --> 00:08:53,074
Go get it anyway.

204
00:08:54,826 --> 00:08:56,161
It's solar-powered.

205
00:08:56,203 --> 00:08:58,205
(chuckles):
Can you imagine that?

206
00:09:04,878 --> 00:09:08,631
(rock music playing loudly
over stereo)

207
00:09:08,673 --> 00:09:11,718
(steady thumping)

208
00:09:16,306 --> 00:09:19,142
Georgie, turn that down!

209
00:09:19,184 --> 00:09:20,810
What?

210
00:09:22,896 --> 00:09:24,647
(music stops)

211
00:09:24,689 --> 00:09:27,108
And look at this room.
You need to clean this mess up.

212
00:09:27,150 --> 00:09:28,902
I'll get to it later.

213
00:09:28,943 --> 00:09:30,237
No, you'll get to it now.

214
00:09:30,278 --> 00:09:31,863
I don't feel like it.

215
00:09:31,905 --> 00:09:34,115
Well, your feelings have
nothing to do with it.

216
00:09:34,157 --> 00:09:35,574
And stop throwing that ball.

217
00:09:35,616 --> 00:09:38,203
My room bothers you so much,
you clean it.

218
00:09:40,163 --> 00:09:42,582
MARY: That's it!
You are grounded! You hear me?!

219
00:09:42,623 --> 00:09:44,042
The hell?

220
00:09:46,336 --> 00:09:47,587
Hey...!

221
00:09:47,628 --> 00:09:49,548
There's my little Moonpie.

222
00:09:49,589 --> 00:09:52,092
Did you get a chance to look
at this week's games for me?

223
00:09:52,133 --> 00:09:55,053
Not yet.
You understand there's
a little time crunch involved.

224
00:09:55,095 --> 00:09:59,224
Meemaw's got some outstanding
loans I need to pay back.

225
00:09:59,266 --> 00:10:01,309
I'm sorry,
I have to finish my homework

226
00:10:01,351 --> 00:10:03,270
and then I have to help my dad.

227
00:10:03,311 --> 00:10:05,980
Come on.

228
00:10:06,022 --> 00:10:07,774
I'm your meemaw.

229
00:10:07,815 --> 00:10:09,317
I make you cookies.

230
00:10:09,359 --> 00:10:11,027
How 'bout a little quid pro quo?

231
00:10:11,069 --> 00:10:12,279
As much as I enjoy

232
00:10:12,320 --> 00:10:14,697
your use of Latin, no.

233
00:10:15,865 --> 00:10:17,617
Shelly, time to get ready
for bed.

234
00:10:17,658 --> 00:10:18,910
But I'm not done.

235
00:10:18,952 --> 00:10:20,495
Don't you sass me, too,
young man.

236
00:10:20,537 --> 00:10:22,080
Brush your teeth and get to bed.

237
00:10:26,126 --> 00:10:29,379
I think your anger might be
a little misdirected.

238
00:10:29,421 --> 00:10:31,172
Don't you start
with me either.

239
00:10:31,214 --> 00:10:34,134
Now, see,
you're still shootin' wide.

240
00:10:39,680 --> 00:10:41,975
(knocking)

241
00:10:42,892 --> 00:10:44,894
Good evening,
Mrs. Cooper.

242
00:10:44,936 --> 00:10:46,187
Can I speak to Sheldon?

243
00:10:46,229 --> 00:10:47,355
No, you can't speak to Sheldon.

244
00:10:47,397 --> 00:10:49,149
It's late. He's in bed.

245
00:10:49,190 --> 00:10:52,402
Oh. I was hoping he might like
to go to a party with me.

246
00:10:52,444 --> 00:10:54,404
Has everyone lost their mind?

247
00:10:54,446 --> 00:10:56,615
He's a little boy, Tam!

248
00:10:56,656 --> 00:10:58,492
Good night!
But...

249
00:10:58,533 --> 00:11:02,621
Good Lord, that mouth of yours
is a machine gun tonight.

250
00:11:08,335 --> 00:11:10,044
What are you doing?

251
00:11:10,086 --> 00:11:12,172
Trying to calculate
the odds of the Dolphins

252
00:11:12,213 --> 00:11:14,591
covering the spread next Sunday.

253
00:11:14,633 --> 00:11:16,092
I like dolphins.

254
00:11:16,134 --> 00:11:18,845
They talk out of that hole
in their head.

255
00:11:18,886 --> 00:11:20,388
(knocking)

256
00:11:20,430 --> 00:11:21,348
Hello.

257
00:11:21,389 --> 00:11:22,932
Tam?

258
00:11:25,602 --> 00:11:27,020
What are you doing here?

259
00:11:27,061 --> 00:11:28,855
Would you like to go
to a party with me?

260
00:11:28,896 --> 00:11:30,773
I don't want to go to a party
with anyone.

261
00:11:30,815 --> 00:11:31,608
I would!

262
00:11:31,650 --> 00:11:32,733
Please, Sheldon.

263
00:11:32,775 --> 00:11:34,235
It's right across the street.

264
00:11:34,277 --> 00:11:36,363
Just get me in,
and you can go back to bed.

265
00:11:36,404 --> 00:11:38,198
I have to ask my mom.

266
00:11:38,239 --> 00:11:41,117
No need.
She knows all about the party.

267
00:11:41,159 --> 00:11:42,994
All right, then.

268
00:11:43,036 --> 00:11:45,372
I need a minute
to change.

269
00:11:47,957 --> 00:11:50,627
Why are you wearing that?
It makes me look older.

270
00:11:50,669 --> 00:11:53,171
(doorbell rings)
Just so we're clear,
once you get in,

271
00:11:53,213 --> 00:11:55,215
I'm going home.

272
00:11:55,256 --> 00:11:56,633
Hey! Sheldon!

273
00:11:56,675 --> 00:11:58,885
What are you doing?

274
00:11:58,926 --> 00:12:01,555
Hey, everybody, check it out!
Sheldon's here!
(crowd cheering)

275
00:12:02,763 --> 00:12:05,058
(cheering continues in distance)

276
00:12:05,099 --> 00:12:07,394
I hope that doesn't
wake up the kids.

277
00:12:07,435 --> 00:12:09,312
Should I go over there
and say something?

278
00:12:09,354 --> 00:12:10,480
I think you should.

279
00:12:10,522 --> 00:12:12,065
(sighs)

280
00:12:12,106 --> 00:12:13,650
I was bluffin'.

281
00:12:13,692 --> 00:12:16,069
Don't make me
put my socks back on.

282
00:12:16,110 --> 00:12:17,820
Never mind.

283
00:12:17,862 --> 00:12:19,531
Good night.

284
00:12:19,573 --> 00:12:21,616
Good night.

285
00:12:28,873 --> 00:12:31,918
I feel bad about
yelling at Georgie.

286
00:12:31,959 --> 00:12:33,920
He deserved it.

287
00:12:33,961 --> 00:12:35,505
You should do it more.

288
00:12:35,547 --> 00:12:37,424
I think he's feeling left out

289
00:12:37,465 --> 00:12:40,134
now that you and Sheldon are
spending so much time together.

290
00:12:42,470 --> 00:12:44,723
Are you kiddin' me?
You're always saying to find

291
00:12:44,763 --> 00:12:46,933
something in common
with Sheldon.

292
00:12:46,974 --> 00:12:48,767
And now that I have, you're
telling me I'm ignoring Georgie?

293
00:12:48,809 --> 00:12:50,562
I'm not saying that.

294
00:12:50,604 --> 00:12:52,564
I'm just reminding you

295
00:12:52,606 --> 00:12:54,357
that you got two sons.

296
00:12:54,399 --> 00:12:56,359
I know.

297
00:12:56,401 --> 00:12:58,819
I also got a daughter
I need to spend more time with.

298
00:12:58,861 --> 00:13:00,154
You do.

299
00:13:00,196 --> 00:13:02,240
But I wouldn't worry about her.

300
00:13:02,282 --> 00:13:04,825
She's an angel.

301
00:13:04,867 --> 00:13:07,036
(rap music playing,
crowd cheering)

302
00:13:09,872 --> 00:13:12,375
ALL (chanting):
Sheldon! Sheldon! Sheldon!

303
00:13:12,417 --> 00:13:14,377
Put me down!
Sheldon! Sheldon!

304
00:13:14,419 --> 00:13:16,379
SHELDON: Put me down!
I'm not enjoying this!

305
00:13:16,421 --> 00:13:17,880
Missy, what are you doing here?!

306
00:13:17,922 --> 00:13:19,924
Cuttin' loose.
What are you doing here?

307
00:13:19,966 --> 00:13:20,925
SHELDON:
Slowly! Slowly!

308
00:13:20,967 --> 00:13:23,720
Slowly!

309
00:13:23,762 --> 00:13:24,971
You, too?!

310
00:13:25,012 --> 00:13:26,431
Hello, Georgie!

311
00:13:26,473 --> 00:13:28,057
You're not supposed
to be here.

312
00:13:28,099 --> 00:13:30,477
Neither are you!
You're grounded!

313
00:13:30,518 --> 00:13:32,520
Come on.

314
00:13:32,562 --> 00:13:34,272
Both of you are going home. Now.

315
00:13:34,314 --> 00:13:36,441
Oh, thank goodness.
Aw.

316
00:13:39,611 --> 00:13:41,362
How's puberty
treating you?

317
00:13:41,404 --> 00:13:44,157
Because it is
knocking me for a loop.

318
00:13:45,325 --> 00:13:47,410
Right?

319
00:13:53,040 --> 00:13:55,209
ADULT SHELDON: Somehow,
my parents didn't find out

320
00:13:55,251 --> 00:13:56,753
about me partying heartily.

321
00:13:56,795 --> 00:13:58,421
But I did pay a price

322
00:13:58,463 --> 00:14:01,424
for burning the candle
at both ends.

323
00:14:01,466 --> 00:14:03,884
I made a mistake
on a math test.

324
00:14:03,926 --> 00:14:06,638
In my exhaustion,
I did all the calculations

325
00:14:06,680 --> 00:14:08,515
in my head,

326
00:14:08,556 --> 00:14:12,268
and, like a common zoo animal,
forgot to show my work.

327
00:14:12,310 --> 00:14:15,229
I just saw one of those girls
from the party,

328
00:14:15,271 --> 00:14:17,940
and she acknowledged
my existence by doing this.

329
00:14:19,066 --> 00:14:21,110
I've never felt so alive.

330
00:14:23,112 --> 00:14:24,905
Are you okay?

331
00:14:24,947 --> 00:14:26,949
No, I'm not.

332
00:14:28,576 --> 00:14:30,829
Yeah, so?

333
00:14:30,870 --> 00:14:33,540
A B-plus-- that's
the beginning of the end.

334
00:14:33,581 --> 00:14:34,749
The end of what?

335
00:14:34,791 --> 00:14:36,751
My life.

336
00:14:36,793 --> 00:14:39,420
If I don't make some changes,
who knows how far I'll fall.

337
00:14:39,462 --> 00:14:43,090
I could wind up a drug addict,
or a lawyer.

338
00:14:43,132 --> 00:14:44,884
Is it possible
you're overreacting?

339
00:14:44,925 --> 00:14:48,929
No. Starting today, I'm done
helping the football team.

340
00:14:48,971 --> 00:14:52,933
But if you do that, girls will
no longer greet me like this.

341
00:14:54,227 --> 00:14:56,187
I'll greet you like that.

342
00:14:56,229 --> 00:14:58,815
It's not the same.

343
00:15:00,483 --> 00:15:02,318
ADULT SHELDON: Extricating
myself from this situation

344
00:15:02,360 --> 00:15:04,153
was not going to be easy.

345
00:15:04,195 --> 00:15:08,157
My father was counting on me,
Meemaw was counting on me,

346
00:15:08,199 --> 00:15:10,243
the school was counting on me.

347
00:15:10,284 --> 00:15:12,829
After much thought,
I decided to employ

348
00:15:12,871 --> 00:15:16,957
the one strategic maneuver
I knew I could count on.

349
00:15:16,999 --> 00:15:18,209
I tattled.

350
00:15:18,251 --> 00:15:19,794
Mom?

351
00:15:19,836 --> 00:15:22,672
("I Fought the Law"
by The Clash playing)

352
00:15:22,714 --> 00:15:24,298
♪ ♪

353
00:15:24,340 --> 00:15:28,094
♪ Robbin' people
with a six-gun ♪

354
00:15:28,135 --> 00:15:30,971
♪ I fought the law
and the law won... ♪

355
00:15:31,013 --> 00:15:34,475
Sheldon got a B-plus!
That's terrible for him!

356
00:15:34,517 --> 00:15:37,478
I'm very disappointed
in all three of you.

357
00:15:37,520 --> 00:15:40,231
That is right. Missy, this
is for your ballet class.

358
00:15:40,273 --> 00:15:42,275
We do not go
to parties.

359
00:15:42,316 --> 00:15:44,360
I am very disappointed.

360
00:15:50,617 --> 00:15:51,659
Hey.

361
00:15:51,701 --> 00:15:53,327
Got to go pick up

362
00:15:53,369 --> 00:15:55,789
some equipment for the team;
you want to join me?

363
00:15:55,830 --> 00:15:57,665
Can't. I'm grounded.

364
00:15:57,707 --> 00:15:59,876
(sighs):
Yeah, well...

365
00:15:59,918 --> 00:16:01,753
I won't tell if you won't.

366
00:16:03,797 --> 00:16:05,548
Sheldon going?

367
00:16:05,590 --> 00:16:08,008
That little snitch?
Absolutely not.

368
00:16:13,890 --> 00:16:15,934
Sheldon still gonna
help you with the math?

369
00:16:15,974 --> 00:16:17,518
I don't think so.

370
00:16:17,560 --> 00:16:20,605
But I did hear his little
Asian friend can do it.

371
00:16:29,322 --> 00:16:30,698
Hey.

372
00:16:30,740 --> 00:16:31,950
Hello.

373
00:16:31,991 --> 00:16:33,701
So...

374
00:16:33,743 --> 00:16:36,162
Oilers are a four-point favorite
for this Sunday's game,

375
00:16:36,203 --> 00:16:39,998
but it's a home game, so I'm
thinking I give the points.

376
00:16:40,040 --> 00:16:42,042
What do you think?

377
00:16:42,084 --> 00:16:44,712
I think I have
to tell on you again.

378
00:16:44,754 --> 00:16:47,548
Go ahead. What's your
mama gonna do, ground me?

379
00:16:50,844 --> 00:16:54,263
Take the Oilers,
give the points.

380
00:16:54,305 --> 00:16:57,934
I love you, Moonpie.
(chuckles)

381
00:17:00,770 --> 00:17:03,606
ADULT SHELDON: For the record,
the Oilers lost that game

382
00:17:03,648 --> 00:17:05,191
by four touchdowns.

383
00:17:05,232 --> 00:17:07,610
Meemaw never asked
for my advice again.

384
00:17:11,071 --> 00:17:13,115
Come on, come on,
come on. Damn it!

385
00:17:13,157 --> 00:17:14,367
Okay.

386
00:17:14,408 --> 00:17:16,953
One more time.

387
00:17:17,912 --> 00:17:20,164
Mama needs a new Jet Ski!

388
00:17:20,206 --> 00:17:21,499
And...

389
00:17:21,541 --> 00:17:23,459
rat bastard!

390
00:17:23,501 --> 00:17:26,546
How you doin' there, Connie?

391
00:17:27,672 --> 00:17:29,757
Hey, Vincent.
(chuckles)

392
00:17:29,799 --> 00:17:31,551
What brings you
to Louisiana?

393
00:17:31,592 --> 00:17:32,802
Wait, don't tell me.

394
00:17:32,844 --> 00:17:34,428
You're here to see Tony Orlando.

395
00:17:34,470 --> 00:17:36,389
'Fraid not.

396
00:17:36,430 --> 00:17:37,974
Oh, well, you ought
to check him out.

397
00:17:38,016 --> 00:17:39,976
He'll, uh, knock your socks off.

398
00:17:40,018 --> 00:17:41,936
I like my socks on.

399
00:17:41,978 --> 00:17:45,648
Connie, you're putting me
in a very awkward position.

400
00:17:45,690 --> 00:17:48,275
I won a toaster oven
playing keno.

401
00:17:48,317 --> 00:17:49,736
You want it?

402
00:17:50,695 --> 00:17:52,572
I got one.

403
00:17:52,613 --> 00:17:54,198
I want my money.

404
00:17:54,240 --> 00:17:55,950
(chuckles):
All right.

405
00:17:55,992 --> 00:17:57,577
Hang on.

406
00:17:58,703 --> 00:18:00,997
That's a very nice jacket.

407
00:18:01,039 --> 00:18:03,416
You're looking dapper.

408
00:18:06,044 --> 00:18:07,754
Ah. (chuckles)

409
00:18:07,795 --> 00:18:09,129
Hey, they comp my room here.

410
00:18:09,171 --> 00:18:10,548
They do that for you?

411
00:18:10,590 --> 00:18:14,052
Actually, they frown
upon my presence here.

412
00:18:14,092 --> 00:18:17,471
Oh. I also get a coupon
for the breakfast buffet.

413
00:18:17,513 --> 00:18:19,432
You should look into that.

414
00:18:22,101 --> 00:18:23,269
(sighs, mutters)

415
00:18:23,310 --> 00:18:24,437
Constance!

416
00:18:24,478 --> 00:18:26,564
Patience, Vincenzo.

417
00:18:26,606 --> 00:18:29,149
(chuckles)

418
00:18:31,611 --> 00:18:33,153
(bell ringing)
Yes! (laughing)

419
00:18:33,195 --> 00:18:35,406
(coins clacking)
Oh!

420
00:18:35,448 --> 00:18:37,241
All right, now we're talking.

421
00:18:37,283 --> 00:18:39,535
Will you take a down payment
in quarters?

422
00:18:39,577 --> 00:18:40,870
Do I have a choice?

423
00:18:40,912 --> 00:18:42,162
(laughs)

424
00:18:42,204 --> 00:18:43,664
Start scoopin'.

425
00:18:43,706 --> 00:18:45,541
I got to go see Tony Orlando.

426
00:18:45,583 --> 00:18:47,460
(coins continue clacking)

427
00:18:51,505 --> 00:18:52,799
Oof.

428
00:18:52,840 --> 00:18:53,925
(shudders)

429
00:18:55,843 --> 00:18:57,303
(exasperated grunt)

430
00:18:59,055 --> 00:19:00,389
(yells)

431
00:19:00,431 --> 00:19:01,515
(coins continue clacking)

432
00:19:01,557 --> 00:19:03,059
Hey!

433
00:19:03,101 --> 00:19:05,478
Hey, I need another cup!