1
00:00:01,418 --> 00:00:04,630
A simile directly compares
two things,

2
00:00:04,672 --> 00:00:07,341
using the words "like" and "as."

3
00:00:07,382 --> 00:00:09,426
"I slept
like a log."

4
00:00:09,468 --> 00:00:11,553
"I'm hungry as a horse."

5
00:00:11,595 --> 00:00:14,055
"Your love is like
bad medicine."

6
00:00:14,097 --> 00:00:15,223
Exactly.

7
00:00:15,265 --> 00:00:16,391
That's Bon Jovi.

8
00:00:16,433 --> 00:00:18,101
Okay.

9
00:00:18,143 --> 00:00:19,603
His hair is awesome.

10
00:00:19,645 --> 00:00:20,896
Moving on.

11
00:00:20,938 --> 00:00:24,107
Metaphors are different
from similes.

12
00:00:24,149 --> 00:00:25,526
(sneezes)

13
00:00:25,567 --> 00:00:28,737
ADULT SHELDON:
I've been called a germophobe,

14
00:00:28,779 --> 00:00:32,199
but I do find
a single sneeze acceptable.

15
00:00:32,240 --> 00:00:34,618
It could be caused
by dust, allergies--

16
00:00:34,660 --> 00:00:37,663
really, whatever nasal irritant
floats your boat.

17
00:00:37,705 --> 00:00:39,707
However...

18
00:00:39,748 --> 00:00:42,376
during flu season...

19
00:00:45,170 --> 00:00:47,756
...a second sneeze means
a plague is upon the land,

20
00:00:47,798 --> 00:00:49,591
and it's every man for himself.

21
00:00:51,050 --> 00:00:53,178
Where do you think
you're going?

22
00:00:53,220 --> 00:00:54,346
Away from you.

23
00:00:54,388 --> 00:00:55,347
Why's that?

24
00:00:55,389 --> 00:00:57,056
I want to live.

25
00:00:57,098 --> 00:00:59,977
I'm not sick.
Get back in your seat.

26
00:01:00,019 --> 00:01:01,311
No, thank you.

27
00:01:01,353 --> 00:01:03,313
You know the rules.

28
00:01:03,355 --> 00:01:05,315
You can't leave
without a hall pass.

29
00:01:05,357 --> 00:01:07,693
May I have a hall pass?

30
00:01:07,735 --> 00:01:09,028
No, you may not.

31
00:01:09,069 --> 00:01:10,612
Now get back in your seat.

32
00:01:10,654 --> 00:01:13,365
ADULT SHELDON: Rules
are the pillars of society.

33
00:01:13,407 --> 00:01:14,825
I love rules.

34
00:01:14,867 --> 00:01:17,202
But what benefit are rules
to a dead man?

35
00:01:18,495 --> 00:01:21,540
♪ Nobody else
is stronger than I am ♪

36
00:01:21,582 --> 00:01:24,334
♪ Yesterday I moved a mountain ♪

37
00:01:24,376 --> 00:01:26,962
♪ I bet I could be your hero ♪

38
00:01:27,004 --> 00:01:29,172
♪ I am a mighty little man ♪

39
00:01:29,214 --> 00:01:33,468
♪ I am a mighty little man. ♪

40
00:01:41,518 --> 00:01:43,395
Excuse me.

41
00:01:43,437 --> 00:01:46,147
Do I look like
I'm getting sick to you?

42
00:01:46,189 --> 00:01:48,483
You look a little pale.

43
00:01:48,525 --> 00:01:51,070
Okay, good, that's normal.

44
00:01:51,110 --> 00:01:54,615
Now, I understand Sheldon
is an exceptional child,

45
00:01:54,656 --> 00:01:55,991
all right,
but when he

46
00:01:56,033 --> 00:01:57,910
willfully disobeys
the order of a teacher,

47
00:01:57,952 --> 00:01:59,578
there needs
to be some consequences here.

48
00:01:59,620 --> 00:02:02,247
Oh, we couldn't
agree more.

49
00:02:02,289 --> 00:02:03,832
What kind of punishment
are you thinking?

50
00:02:03,874 --> 00:02:07,502
Well, Mary, in a case like this,
a few days of detention.

51
00:02:07,544 --> 00:02:09,504
Really? That seems
a little harsh.

52
00:02:09,546 --> 00:02:11,465
Oh, detention's
no big deal.

53
00:02:11,506 --> 00:02:15,302
Now, my principal used to
whup my ass with a paddle.

54
00:02:15,343 --> 00:02:16,595
That got
my attention.

55
00:02:16,637 --> 00:02:19,138
Oh, yeah.
Those were the days.

56
00:02:20,099 --> 00:02:22,142
Still have mine.

57
00:02:22,183 --> 00:02:25,813
Ah.

58
00:02:25,854 --> 00:02:26,939
Ol' Spanky.

59
00:02:26,981 --> 00:02:29,066
(chuckles):
Whoa.

60
00:02:29,108 --> 00:02:31,735
Got a real nice grip
on that thing.
Yeah, George.

61
00:02:31,777 --> 00:02:34,780
Had the equipment manager over
at the Astros make this for me.

62
00:02:34,822 --> 00:02:37,365
The holes in it...

63
00:02:37,407 --> 00:02:39,326
cut down on wind resistance.

64
00:02:39,367 --> 00:02:41,036
Smart.

65
00:02:41,078 --> 00:02:43,497
But these days you have
to have a consent form

66
00:02:43,538 --> 00:02:45,248
to whack the kids.

67
00:02:45,290 --> 00:02:48,127
I don't know
where this world's headed.

68
00:02:48,167 --> 00:02:51,254
You ought to get one of those
for when Georgie acts up.

69
00:02:51,296 --> 00:02:53,298
Like you never thought
about going upside his head

70
00:02:53,340 --> 00:02:54,549
with a slab of wood.

71
00:02:56,135 --> 00:02:59,138
You know, there was a time
this thing gave me tennis elbow.

72
00:03:02,599 --> 00:03:03,892
(sneezes)

73
00:03:08,438 --> 00:03:10,649
(continues
blowing nose)

74
00:03:13,485 --> 00:03:15,988
Okay, Sheldon, come o...

75
00:03:16,030 --> 00:03:18,323
Where'd he go?

76
00:03:18,365 --> 00:03:19,407
Thataway.

77
00:03:19,449 --> 00:03:20,742
♪ ♪

78
00:03:20,784 --> 00:03:21,702
(sneezes)

79
00:03:21,743 --> 00:03:24,621
(coughing)

80
00:03:24,663 --> 00:03:27,041
(sneezing and coughing continue)

81
00:03:34,422 --> 00:03:35,757
♪ Well, I'm running ♪

82
00:03:35,799 --> 00:03:37,634
♪ Police on my back ♪

83
00:03:37,676 --> 00:03:38,927
♪ I've been hiding ♪

84
00:03:38,969 --> 00:03:40,512
♪ Police on my back ♪
(grunting)

85
00:03:40,554 --> 00:03:42,681
♪ There was a shooting ♪

86
00:03:42,723 --> 00:03:44,141
♪ Police on my back ♪

87
00:03:44,183 --> 00:03:45,684
♪ And the victim ♪

88
00:03:45,726 --> 00:03:47,352
♪ Well, he won't come back ♪

89
00:03:47,394 --> 00:03:49,437
What you
doing, kid?!

90
00:03:49,479 --> 00:03:51,106
♪ Tuesday, Wednesday ♪
(grunting)

91
00:03:51,148 --> 00:03:53,859
♪ Thursday, Friday,
Saturday, Sunday ♪

92
00:03:53,901 --> 00:03:55,234
(grunting)

93
00:03:55,276 --> 00:03:57,154
ADULT SHELDON:
Enjoy this. It is, by far,

94
00:03:57,196 --> 00:04:00,032
the most athletic two minutes
of my entire life.

95
00:04:00,074 --> 00:04:02,242
♪ What have I done? ♪

96
00:04:03,077 --> 00:04:06,454
♪ What have I done? ♪

97
00:04:06,496 --> 00:04:07,539
(Meemaw laughing)

98
00:04:07,581 --> 00:04:09,332
It's not funny.

99
00:04:09,374 --> 00:04:10,542
Oh, come on, now.

100
00:04:10,584 --> 00:04:13,545
Sheldon in detention--
that's funny.

101
00:04:13,587 --> 00:04:15,714
I actually think
it'd be good for him.

102
00:04:15,756 --> 00:04:17,507
He needs to learn
he's not special.

103
00:04:17,549 --> 00:04:19,634
But he is special.

104
00:04:19,676 --> 00:04:21,428
You know what I mean.
He can't just

105
00:04:21,469 --> 00:04:23,388
walk out of a classroom
'cause he feels like it.

106
00:04:23,430 --> 00:04:25,140
He was worried
about catching a cold.

107
00:04:25,182 --> 00:04:27,017
That is a legitimate concern.

108
00:04:27,059 --> 00:04:29,019
And now he's in danger
of being mugged

109
00:04:29,061 --> 00:04:31,312
by a roomful of hoodlums.

110
00:04:31,354 --> 00:04:33,272
He's not getting mugged.

111
00:04:33,314 --> 00:04:34,649
It's half a dozen kids
doing homework

112
00:04:34,691 --> 00:04:36,317
while a teacher watches 'em.

113
00:04:36,359 --> 00:04:38,904
Although it might not hurt
to give Sheldon a few dollars

114
00:04:38,946 --> 00:04:40,989
to buy himself
some protection.

115
00:04:41,990 --> 00:04:43,784
That's actually not a bad idea.

116
00:04:49,248 --> 00:04:51,374
(grunts, coughs)

117
00:04:51,416 --> 00:04:52,417
What are you doing?

118
00:04:52,459 --> 00:04:53,919
Nothing.

119
00:04:53,961 --> 00:04:56,255
Is that
chewing tobacco?

120
00:04:56,296 --> 00:04:58,799
It's chocolate Bazooka.
What do you want?

121
00:04:58,840 --> 00:05:00,717
I have detention tomorrow,

122
00:05:00,759 --> 00:05:02,803
and I thought you could
give me some tips.

123
00:05:02,844 --> 00:05:05,472
That was pretty badass, you
walking out of class like that.

124
00:05:05,513 --> 00:05:09,101
It was not my intention to be
bad "A" word, but thank you.

125
00:05:09,143 --> 00:05:11,812
The only thing you need
to worry about in detention

126
00:05:11,853 --> 00:05:13,939
is staying close
to the teacher.

127
00:05:13,981 --> 00:05:16,275
If he leaves the room,
you go with him.

128
00:05:16,316 --> 00:05:17,692
Why?

129
00:05:17,734 --> 00:05:20,195
'Cause you're gonna
get your "A" word kicked.

130
00:05:20,237 --> 00:05:23,573
Are you saying I'll be
in physical danger?

131
00:05:23,615 --> 00:05:25,366
It's all the worst kids
in school

132
00:05:25,408 --> 00:05:27,077
in one room for an hour.

133
00:05:27,119 --> 00:05:29,288
What do you think's
gonna happen?

134
00:05:29,329 --> 00:05:31,706
I thought we were gonna spend
the time regretting our actions

135
00:05:31,748 --> 00:05:34,709
and thinking about how we could
be better in the future.

136
00:05:34,751 --> 00:05:36,920
Well, you thought wrong.
Get lost.

137
00:05:36,962 --> 00:05:39,965
You're both mean
and nice to me.

138
00:05:40,007 --> 00:05:42,092
It's confusing.

139
00:05:45,887 --> 00:05:47,973
(gags)

140
00:05:50,309 --> 00:05:52,602
Maybe I'm doing this wrong.

141
00:05:52,644 --> 00:05:54,771
(school bell rings)

142
00:05:57,482 --> 00:06:00,401
Have you ever been in detention?

143
00:06:00,443 --> 00:06:01,486
No.

144
00:06:01,528 --> 00:06:03,571
But I do take
the school bus.

145
00:06:03,613 --> 00:06:05,532
And that is no party.

146
00:06:05,573 --> 00:06:08,160
It's like a mental hospital
on wheels.

147
00:06:08,202 --> 00:06:10,787
That's a good use of simile.

148
00:06:10,829 --> 00:06:11,955
Thanks.

149
00:06:11,997 --> 00:06:13,874
Well, I'll see you tomorrow.

150
00:06:17,336 --> 00:06:18,670
I hope.

151
00:06:18,712 --> 00:06:20,214
(door closes)

152
00:06:20,255 --> 00:06:22,423
(school bell rings)
(footsteps rapidly departing)

153
00:06:29,472 --> 00:06:33,268
Hello. I'm here
for detention.

154
00:06:33,310 --> 00:06:35,312
Where is the teacher?

155
00:06:35,354 --> 00:06:38,773
Not here yet.

156
00:06:38,815 --> 00:06:40,441
Oh.

157
00:06:45,280 --> 00:06:47,032
I have three dollars.

158
00:06:47,074 --> 00:06:48,825
Feel free to share it
with the others.

159
00:06:57,125 --> 00:06:58,919
Would you prefer
a piece of paper?

160
00:06:58,960 --> 00:07:01,004
I have some
in my briefcase.

161
00:07:02,256 --> 00:07:04,716
It's here
if you change your mind.

162
00:07:04,758 --> 00:07:06,634
All right, losers,
you know how this works.

163
00:07:06,676 --> 00:07:09,054
One hour, no talking,
no horseplay.

164
00:07:09,096 --> 00:07:10,347
Sheldon?

165
00:07:10,389 --> 00:07:11,973
Hello, Mr. Givens.

166
00:07:12,015 --> 00:07:13,433
Why are you here?

167
00:07:13,474 --> 00:07:15,685
I didn't want to catch a cold
from Ms. MacElroy,

168
00:07:15,727 --> 00:07:18,355
so I left her classroom
without a hall pass.

169
00:07:18,397 --> 00:07:20,648
Well, something is going around.

170
00:07:20,690 --> 00:07:23,026
I actually had a little tickle
in my throat.

171
00:07:23,068 --> 00:07:25,779
Okay, time to go.
Nice meeting you.

172
00:07:25,820 --> 00:07:27,072
Whoa, what-what are you doing?

173
00:07:27,114 --> 00:07:28,907
You've heard of
fight or flight?

174
00:07:28,949 --> 00:07:30,784
This is flight.

175
00:07:32,911 --> 00:07:34,871
Not so funny
now, is it?

176
00:07:34,913 --> 00:07:36,748
No. How long
is he suspended for?

177
00:07:36,790 --> 00:07:37,958
A week.

178
00:07:37,999 --> 00:07:40,377
And it goes on
his permanent record.

179
00:07:40,419 --> 00:07:42,129
Well, that's
no big deal.

180
00:07:42,170 --> 00:07:45,590
I had all kinds of stuff on my
permanent high school record.

181
00:07:45,632 --> 00:07:48,969
Didn't stop me from being
a bartender for eight years.

182
00:07:49,010 --> 00:07:51,972
I think the real issue we need
to deal with is his germ phobia.

183
00:07:52,013 --> 00:07:53,181
Oh, yes,
you don't

184
00:07:53,223 --> 00:07:54,766
want him turning
into Howard Hughes.

185
00:07:54,808 --> 00:07:56,684
Growing his nails out.

186
00:07:56,726 --> 00:07:58,437
Peeing in a jar.

187
00:07:58,477 --> 00:08:01,689
Why would he pee into a jar?
I don't know why
he peed in a jar,

188
00:08:01,731 --> 00:08:03,483
I just know he did.

189
00:08:03,524 --> 00:08:05,193
(sighs)
I hate to say it,

190
00:08:05,235 --> 00:08:07,070
but I think
we need help with this.

191
00:08:07,112 --> 00:08:08,655
Like what?
Maybe we could

192
00:08:08,696 --> 00:08:11,158
take him to that nice doctor
who calmed him down

193
00:08:11,199 --> 00:08:13,660
when he was convinced
he had an enlarged prostate?

194
00:08:13,701 --> 00:08:15,329
Sheldon only calmed down
when the doctor told him

195
00:08:15,370 --> 00:08:17,289
what happens in a prostate exam.

196
00:08:17,331 --> 00:08:18,832
Poor thing.

197
00:08:18,873 --> 00:08:20,834
Still talks about it.

198
00:08:23,170 --> 00:08:24,629
Thank you for seeing us,
Doctor.

199
00:08:24,671 --> 00:08:26,381
No problem.

200
00:08:26,423 --> 00:08:29,968
So, what do you got today,
Sheldon?

201
00:08:30,010 --> 00:08:32,304
Rickets?
Rabies?

202
00:08:32,346 --> 00:08:34,348
Early-onset menopause?

203
00:08:34,389 --> 00:08:35,974
Is he making a joke?

204
00:08:36,016 --> 00:08:37,516
I believe so.

205
00:08:37,558 --> 00:08:38,893
Humorous.

206
00:08:38,935 --> 00:08:40,979
Hmm.
Sheldon's not sick,

207
00:08:41,021 --> 00:08:43,731
but he has become overly
concerned with getting a cold

208
00:08:43,773 --> 00:08:46,151
or the flu.
Well, any symptoms--

209
00:08:46,193 --> 00:08:47,652
runny nose, achy,

210
00:08:47,694 --> 00:08:49,779
sore throat, fever?
No.

211
00:08:49,821 --> 00:08:52,949
All right, well, Sheldon,
if you do catch a cold,

212
00:08:52,991 --> 00:08:56,370
or even the flu, it's...
it's not the end of the world.

213
00:08:56,411 --> 00:08:59,622
The flu was the end of the world
for half a million Americans

214
00:08:59,664 --> 00:09:01,708
during the influenza epidemic
of 1918.

215
00:09:01,749 --> 00:09:03,960
Really?
In India

216
00:09:04,002 --> 00:09:06,463
17 million people died.

217
00:09:06,505 --> 00:09:08,715
Okay, I think we're getting
off the subject. Doctor,

218
00:09:08,756 --> 00:09:10,258
Sheldon is afraid
to go to school

219
00:09:10,300 --> 00:09:11,634
because he might get exposed

220
00:09:11,676 --> 00:09:14,137
to some kind of bacteria
or virus.

221
00:09:14,179 --> 00:09:16,306
So he's got a phobia?

222
00:09:16,348 --> 00:09:18,350
It's not a phobia
if the threat is real.

223
00:09:18,392 --> 00:09:20,268
You're a doctor,
you should know that.

224
00:09:21,520 --> 00:09:24,689
Sheldon, you have
nothing to worry about.

225
00:09:24,731 --> 00:09:26,566
Even if you did get the flu,

226
00:09:26,607 --> 00:09:28,235
it's usually over in a week.

227
00:09:28,276 --> 00:09:31,946
Why are we getting medical
advice from a man who smokes?

228
00:09:31,988 --> 00:09:33,740
Sheldon.
O-Okay,

229
00:09:33,781 --> 00:09:36,159
I have patients
who are actually sick.

230
00:09:36,201 --> 00:09:38,078
Maybe we should wrap this up.

231
00:09:38,119 --> 00:09:40,621
How come you don't
get sick all the time?

232
00:09:40,663 --> 00:09:42,332
Well, I take precautions.

233
00:09:42,374 --> 00:09:46,169
I wash my hands,
I wear gloves and a mask.

234
00:09:57,013 --> 00:09:59,349
So, Mom, how was your day?

235
00:10:01,560 --> 00:10:03,520
We're ignoring this?

236
00:10:03,562 --> 00:10:05,646
Okay.

237
00:10:14,697 --> 00:10:16,824
So pretty.

238
00:10:16,866 --> 00:10:18,659
What's going on?

239
00:10:18,701 --> 00:10:21,079
I'm not feeling so good.

240
00:10:21,121 --> 00:10:22,622
(coughs loudly)

241
00:10:22,663 --> 00:10:24,999
Biohazard! Biohazard!

242
00:10:25,959 --> 00:10:27,710
Sucker.

243
00:10:27,752 --> 00:10:29,463
WOMAN (on TV):
In national news,

244
00:10:29,504 --> 00:10:33,425
an unusually early flu season
is buffeting the country.

245
00:10:33,467 --> 00:10:36,677
Doctors say the strain,
originating in China,

246
00:10:36,719 --> 00:10:38,972
is particularly severe.

247
00:10:39,013 --> 00:10:43,518
Children and the elderly
are most at risk.

248
00:10:43,560 --> 00:10:45,937
Sheldon, why are
you still up?

249
00:10:45,979 --> 00:10:47,981
We're all gonna die!

250
00:10:48,022 --> 00:10:49,274
...about the local cattle...

251
00:10:49,316 --> 00:10:50,358
This isn't funny!

252
00:10:50,400 --> 00:10:52,486
I know, baby, I know.

253
00:10:52,527 --> 00:10:56,406
But you need to
understand that sometimes

254
00:10:56,448 --> 00:10:58,992
the news says those things
just to scare people.

255
00:10:59,033 --> 00:11:00,452
Well, it's working!

256
00:11:00,494 --> 00:11:01,953
Come here.

257
00:11:01,995 --> 00:11:03,497
I know you don't
believe in this,

258
00:11:03,538 --> 00:11:05,290
but I'm gonna
do it anyway.

259
00:11:05,332 --> 00:11:06,707
(sighs)

260
00:11:06,749 --> 00:11:09,836
Lord, I pray for
my son Sheldon

261
00:11:09,877 --> 00:11:12,589
that you protect him from
all illness and disease,

262
00:11:12,631 --> 00:11:15,383
and keep him healthy
and keep him safe,

263
00:11:15,425 --> 00:11:18,470
and protect him from
his head to his toes,

264
00:11:18,512 --> 00:11:21,389
inside and out. Amen.

265
00:11:22,641 --> 00:11:25,726
You're right.
I don't believe in that.

266
00:11:26,894 --> 00:11:31,191
But it did feel good. Thanks.

267
00:11:31,232 --> 00:11:34,735
In the Bible, that's called
a hedge of protection.

268
00:11:36,530 --> 00:11:38,573
Why do you keep smiling?

269
00:11:38,615 --> 00:11:42,536
You need to look
at your mask, baby.

270
00:11:43,995 --> 00:11:47,081
SHELDON:
Missy?!

271
00:11:49,501 --> 00:11:51,378
We have to go to school,
and Sheldon doesn't?

272
00:11:51,419 --> 00:11:52,671
That's not fair.
Sure it is.

273
00:11:52,711 --> 00:11:54,713
Sheldon loves school
and can't go.

274
00:11:54,755 --> 00:11:57,091
You hate school
and have to. Fair.

275
00:11:57,133 --> 00:11:58,968
GEORGE SR.:
He still has

276
00:11:59,010 --> 00:12:00,470
to spend his day doing chores.

277
00:12:00,512 --> 00:12:02,681
Can't sit around
playing with his trains.

278
00:12:02,721 --> 00:12:04,807
Yeah, put him to work.
Good parenting, Dad.

279
00:12:04,849 --> 00:12:06,518
Oh, I'm glad you approve.

280
00:12:06,560 --> 00:12:08,395
I do.

281
00:12:08,436 --> 00:12:10,480
Where you going?

282
00:12:10,522 --> 00:12:12,440
I'm gonna give Sheldon
a list of chores.

283
00:12:12,482 --> 00:12:14,359
You're actually
taking my advice?

284
00:12:14,401 --> 00:12:15,652
Yes.

285
00:12:15,694 --> 00:12:16,903
Well, how about that?

286
00:12:16,944 --> 00:12:20,198
Hey, you were due.

287
00:12:20,240 --> 00:12:21,782
(door closes)

288
00:12:21,824 --> 00:12:24,285
Proud of you, George.

289
00:12:32,126 --> 00:12:33,712
Sheldon?

290
00:12:33,752 --> 00:12:35,171
Yes.

291
00:12:35,213 --> 00:12:37,965
The door's locked.
Can you open it?

292
00:12:38,007 --> 00:12:40,134
No.

293
00:12:40,176 --> 00:12:42,803
What on earth?

294
00:12:52,564 --> 00:12:54,649
Hello.
What are you doing?

295
00:12:54,691 --> 00:12:57,818
I made a real germ-proof
hedge of protection.

296
00:12:57,860 --> 00:13:00,655
Oh, honey,
you can't stay in there.

297
00:13:00,697 --> 00:13:03,824
I've got a refrigerator,
I've got my sleeping bag,

298
00:13:03,866 --> 00:13:06,453
and anything else I need
I can make out of Legos.

299
00:13:06,494 --> 00:13:09,497
What's with
the Halloween costume?

300
00:13:11,790 --> 00:13:14,502
In case of a breach.

301
00:13:15,503 --> 00:13:17,672
Stay right there.

302
00:13:17,714 --> 00:13:19,048
That's my plan.

303
00:13:19,090 --> 00:13:21,175
George?

304
00:13:24,512 --> 00:13:27,390
Just when you think
he's gonna zig,

305
00:13:27,432 --> 00:13:29,100
you get
a big old zag.

306
00:13:29,142 --> 00:13:31,018
It's ridiculous. I'm...
I'm gonna take it down.

307
00:13:31,060 --> 00:13:33,271
No, you can't force him out
of a phobia.

308
00:13:33,313 --> 00:13:34,481
What do we do?

309
00:13:34,522 --> 00:13:35,690
He can't live
in there.

310
00:13:35,732 --> 00:13:37,191
Well, actually, he can.

311
00:13:37,233 --> 00:13:39,319
He's got the refrigerator
and a sleeping bag.

312
00:13:39,360 --> 00:13:41,613
And he can always
go potty in the sink.

313
00:13:41,655 --> 00:13:45,032
I think I'll take
the kids to school.

314
00:13:45,074 --> 00:13:47,160
I'm sure he'll be out
by the time you get home.

315
00:13:47,201 --> 00:13:49,746
Not sure why you
think that, but okay.

316
00:13:49,788 --> 00:13:51,956
Mom?
Yes, Shelly.

317
00:13:51,998 --> 00:13:53,249
Can you close the door?

318
00:13:53,291 --> 00:13:55,376
I need to use the sink.

319
00:13:58,254 --> 00:14:01,424
(Meemaw laughs)

320
00:14:01,466 --> 00:14:03,593
Tammy Cook?
Here.

321
00:14:03,635 --> 00:14:06,137
Georgie Cooper?
Here.

322
00:14:06,179 --> 00:14:08,682
Sheldon Cooper? Absent.

323
00:14:08,723 --> 00:14:10,849
Where's your brother?
Home.

324
00:14:10,891 --> 00:14:12,310
Is he okay?

325
00:14:12,352 --> 00:14:13,269
Yeah, he's just...

326
00:14:13,311 --> 00:14:14,521
(bell dings)

327
00:14:14,562 --> 00:14:17,398
Actually, it's not
looking good for him.

328
00:14:17,440 --> 00:14:19,108
He might not make it.

329
00:14:19,150 --> 00:14:21,861
Oh, that's terrible.
I know.

330
00:14:21,902 --> 00:14:23,988
I love him so much.

331
00:14:24,030 --> 00:14:28,034
If anything ever happened,
I don't know what I'd do.

332
00:14:28,075 --> 00:14:30,244
Aw.

333
00:14:35,208 --> 00:14:37,877
MARY:
Shelly, if you don't mind

334
00:14:37,918 --> 00:14:41,005
me asking, what's your
long-term plan here?
I'm working

335
00:14:41,047 --> 00:14:42,674
on the math to turn the garage

336
00:14:42,716 --> 00:14:45,176
into a self-sustaining
ecosystem.

337
00:14:45,218 --> 00:14:47,721
Okay. And what exactly
does that mean?
Well, all I need

338
00:14:47,762 --> 00:14:50,598
is sunlight and a few seeds
to grow unlimited food

339
00:14:50,640 --> 00:14:53,476
which I'll fertilize
with my own feces.

340
00:14:53,518 --> 00:14:55,395
(laughing):
This just gets better.

341
00:14:55,436 --> 00:14:57,480
If you're not gonna
help, please go inside.

342
00:14:57,522 --> 00:14:59,190
This is not a show.

343
00:14:59,232 --> 00:15:01,317
Now that's where I disagree.

344
00:15:01,359 --> 00:15:02,736
(sighs)
(giggles)

345
00:15:02,777 --> 00:15:04,863
Shelly, baby,
please come on out.

346
00:15:04,904 --> 00:15:06,280
I can't.

347
00:15:06,322 --> 00:15:08,115
Come on.
I'm your mommy.

348
00:15:08,157 --> 00:15:09,784
Do it for your mommy.

349
00:15:09,826 --> 00:15:10,993
No.

350
00:15:11,035 --> 00:15:12,203
(sighs)

351
00:15:12,245 --> 00:15:13,496
But I'm your mommy.

352
00:15:13,538 --> 00:15:15,540
(laughing):
Y'all are killing me.

353
00:15:15,582 --> 00:15:17,208
(laughing)

354
00:15:17,250 --> 00:15:19,794
(sighs)
(laughing):
"I'm your mommy."

355
00:15:19,836 --> 00:15:24,298
I think the saddest part
about it is just how sad it is.

356
00:15:24,340 --> 00:15:26,384
Is there anything
that we can do?

357
00:15:26,426 --> 00:15:28,428
I don't know.

358
00:15:28,469 --> 00:15:30,263
A hug might help.

359
00:15:30,304 --> 00:15:32,348
Of course.

360
00:15:33,349 --> 00:15:34,934
What's wrong
with you two?

361
00:15:34,975 --> 00:15:36,728
Don't you care
about my brother?

362
00:15:40,565 --> 00:15:42,859
(fake crying)

363
00:15:42,901 --> 00:15:44,694
Aw.

364
00:15:44,736 --> 00:15:48,489
(crying):
Oh, Sheldon.

365
00:15:48,531 --> 00:15:50,408
That's it. I've had
enough of this nonsense.

366
00:15:50,450 --> 00:15:52,869
If you don't come out,
I'm coming in!

367
00:15:52,911 --> 00:15:55,496
One, two,

368
00:15:55,538 --> 00:15:57,457
three.
Breach! Breach!

369
00:15:57,498 --> 00:16:00,835
You come here
right this instant!
No.

370
00:16:00,877 --> 00:16:02,378
Oh!

371
00:16:02,420 --> 00:16:06,048
♪ That's great, it starts
with an earthquake ♪

372
00:16:06,090 --> 00:16:07,926
Sheldon!
♪ Birds and snakes
and aeroplanes... ♪

373
00:16:07,967 --> 00:16:10,637
You can't run away
from me forever.

374
00:16:10,678 --> 00:16:13,473
I don't have to do it forever.
Just till you get tired.

375
00:16:13,514 --> 00:16:14,933
MEEMAW:
Mary,

376
00:16:14,973 --> 00:16:16,559
I'm gonna run
and go get my video camera.

377
00:16:16,601 --> 00:16:17,977
Don't catch him till I get back.

378
00:16:18,018 --> 00:16:19,437
This is not a joke!

379
00:16:19,479 --> 00:16:21,105
Sheldon, get over here!

380
00:16:21,147 --> 00:16:23,232
♪ It's the end of the world ♪
(Meemaw laughs)

381
00:16:23,274 --> 00:16:26,026
♪ As we know it ♪
Get over here.

382
00:16:26,068 --> 00:16:28,446
Sheldon Lee Cooper, get here.

383
00:16:28,488 --> 00:16:30,072
Right now.

384
00:16:30,114 --> 00:16:33,326
Oh, Lord, I think
I'm gonna wet myself.

385
00:16:33,367 --> 00:16:35,745
Get! You come here!
Sheldon Lee Cooper!

386
00:16:35,787 --> 00:16:38,289
♪ I feel fine. ♪

387
00:16:41,918 --> 00:16:44,462
Look at that.

388
00:16:44,504 --> 00:16:46,339
St. Mary drinking alcohol.

389
00:16:46,380 --> 00:16:49,884
God saw what just happened.
He gets it.

390
00:16:49,926 --> 00:16:53,387
Mind if I take a crack
at catching the Road Runner?

391
00:16:53,429 --> 00:16:55,598
What are you gonna do
that I couldn't do?

392
00:16:55,640 --> 00:16:57,016
Oh, a little trick I learned

393
00:16:57,057 --> 00:16:59,185
trying to get prairie dogs
out of the hole.

394
00:16:59,226 --> 00:17:01,896
Of course we'd whack off
their heads with a golf club.

395
00:17:02,939 --> 00:17:05,566
I'm not gonna do that
to Sheldon.

396
00:17:05,608 --> 00:17:07,193
(sighs)

397
00:17:07,234 --> 00:17:09,988
(singsongy):
Oh, Moon Pie,

398
00:17:10,029 --> 00:17:13,616
I've got a little treat for you.

399
00:17:13,658 --> 00:17:15,576
Chocolate chip?

400
00:17:15,618 --> 00:17:17,996
Mm-hmm, right out of the oven.

401
00:17:18,037 --> 00:17:20,164
Good. That means
they're sterile.

402
00:17:20,206 --> 00:17:21,708
(laughs)

403
00:17:21,749 --> 00:17:24,502
Why don't you come on out here
and... have a couple?

404
00:17:24,544 --> 00:17:26,754
I can't do that.

405
00:17:26,796 --> 00:17:28,381
Okay, I tell you what.

406
00:17:28,422 --> 00:17:30,884
I'm gonna just put 'em
right out here,

407
00:17:30,925 --> 00:17:34,136
and you can come out
and get one when you're ready.

408
00:17:34,178 --> 00:17:36,973
How about that?
I'm gonna put 'em down

409
00:17:37,015 --> 00:17:39,767
right... here.

410
00:17:43,563 --> 00:17:44,939
Aah! (laughs)

411
00:17:46,190 --> 00:17:47,567
Come on! Oh. (laughs)

412
00:17:49,861 --> 00:17:51,571
Listen to me, buster.

413
00:17:51,612 --> 00:17:53,531
Okay.
You are

414
00:17:53,573 --> 00:17:54,949
a lot of things, Sheldon.

415
00:17:54,991 --> 00:17:58,619
You are cute, smart, hygienic.

416
00:18:01,581 --> 00:18:04,333
But most of all...

417
00:18:04,375 --> 00:18:08,170
you... are a Texan.

418
00:18:08,212 --> 00:18:09,505
So?

419
00:18:09,547 --> 00:18:11,007
So Texans

420
00:18:11,049 --> 00:18:13,551
aren't afraid of nothin'!

421
00:18:13,593 --> 00:18:15,803
Rattlesnakes, Indians,

422
00:18:15,845 --> 00:18:18,014
the Mexican Army.

423
00:18:19,724 --> 00:18:24,979
Do you imagine that Sam Houston
was scared of a little old cold?

424
00:18:25,021 --> 00:18:26,230
No.

425
00:18:26,272 --> 00:18:28,190
Jim Bowie?

426
00:18:28,232 --> 00:18:29,525
No.

427
00:18:29,567 --> 00:18:33,195
Sissy Spacek?

428
00:18:33,237 --> 00:18:34,822
I... guess not?

429
00:18:34,864 --> 00:18:37,283
You're damn right,
because they're Texans

430
00:18:37,324 --> 00:18:38,952
through and through.

431
00:18:38,993 --> 00:18:41,621
Now I want you to quit hiding
in this plastic bubble,

432
00:18:41,662 --> 00:18:43,664
and I want you to
come out here and

433
00:18:43,706 --> 00:18:46,709
eat your cookies
out in the world like a man!

434
00:18:46,751 --> 00:18:48,252
Like a Texan man!

435
00:18:55,509 --> 00:18:57,595
(Meemaw sighs)

436
00:19:09,983 --> 00:19:11,985
I'm impressed.

437
00:19:12,026 --> 00:19:13,569
Me, too.

438
00:19:13,611 --> 00:19:16,238
I thought I'd lost him
at Sissy Spacek.

439
00:19:16,280 --> 00:19:19,241
Whew! (chuckles)

440
00:19:22,662 --> 00:19:24,330
ADULT SHELDON:
As you can see,

441
00:19:24,371 --> 00:19:26,248
my meemaw successfully
lured me back into the world

442
00:19:26,290 --> 00:19:30,336
by reminding me
of my brave Texas ancestors.

443
00:19:30,377 --> 00:19:32,797
Their blood ran
through my veins.

444
00:19:32,839 --> 00:19:36,550
I was a true son
of the Lone Star State.

445
00:19:36,592 --> 00:19:38,302
Albeit a true son

446
00:19:38,344 --> 00:19:41,179
with an incredibly fragile
immune system.

447
00:19:41,221 --> 00:19:44,851
I woke up the next morning
with a temperature of 102

448
00:19:44,892 --> 00:19:47,478
and a head packed full
of mucus.

449
00:19:47,520 --> 00:19:51,440
However, there was
a silver lining.

450
00:19:51,482 --> 00:19:56,112
♪ Soft kitty, warm kitty ♪

451
00:19:56,154 --> 00:19:58,364
♪ Little ball of fur ♪

452
00:19:58,405 --> 00:20:03,119
♪ Happy kitty, sleepy kitty ♪

453
00:20:03,161 --> 00:20:05,412
♪ Purr, purr, purr. ♪

454
00:20:05,454 --> 00:20:07,414
Sing it again, Mom.

455
00:20:07,456 --> 00:20:08,833
First, blow your nose.

456
00:20:08,875 --> 00:20:10,250
(blows nose)

457
00:20:12,294 --> 00:20:15,255
♪ Soft kitty, warm kitty ♪

458
00:20:15,297 --> 00:20:18,342
♪ Little ball of fur ♪

459
00:20:18,384 --> 00:20:22,138
♪ Happy kitty, sleepy kitty ♪

460
00:20:22,180 --> 00:20:25,016
♪ Purr, purr, purr. ♪
tty ♪