1 00:00:01,418 --> 00:00:02,711 Previously on Young Sheldon... 2 00:00:02,753 --> 00:00:03,921 Why was Veronica Duncan hugging you? 3 00:00:03,963 --> 00:00:05,923 I'm tutoring her in trigonometry. 4 00:00:05,965 --> 00:00:08,216 Just between us, she's a little slow. 5 00:00:08,258 --> 00:00:10,636 That's not what I heard. 6 00:00:10,678 --> 00:00:12,220 There's nobody at my house. 7 00:00:12,262 --> 00:00:14,640 You want to come over? Yes. 8 00:00:14,682 --> 00:00:16,391 What's that? Some stupid haunted house 9 00:00:16,433 --> 00:00:18,477 my mother's doing for the church. 10 00:00:18,519 --> 00:00:20,521 ADULT SHELDON: Mr. Lundy's scene about lust 11 00:00:20,562 --> 00:00:22,773 made a deep impact on my brother's date. 12 00:00:22,815 --> 00:00:25,275 She asked to be saved by Jesus. 13 00:00:25,317 --> 00:00:27,653 (crying): I don't want to live like this anymore. 14 00:00:27,695 --> 00:00:30,322 ADULT SHELDON: And as it turns out, she was. 15 00:00:30,364 --> 00:00:32,658 Dear Lord Jesus, set me free. 16 00:00:33,534 --> 00:00:35,369 (music playing over TV) 17 00:00:35,410 --> 00:00:37,788 ADULT SHELDON: In Conquest of the Planet of the Apes, 18 00:00:37,830 --> 00:00:41,625 we learned how humans taught the apes to become civilized. 19 00:00:41,667 --> 00:00:43,335 Which I think should start with potty training, 20 00:00:43,377 --> 00:00:45,128 but I'm not a screenwriter. 21 00:00:45,170 --> 00:00:47,046 Can you help me with my math homework? 22 00:00:47,088 --> 00:00:48,256 No. 23 00:00:48,298 --> 00:00:49,884 Please. It's really hard. 24 00:00:49,925 --> 00:00:51,844 "It" isn't the problem. 25 00:00:51,886 --> 00:00:53,220 Sheldon. 26 00:00:53,261 --> 00:00:55,389 Fine, what are you working on? 27 00:00:55,430 --> 00:00:57,224 There's a number, then there's a line, 28 00:00:57,265 --> 00:00:59,309 then there's another number under it. 29 00:00:59,351 --> 00:01:00,978 Fractions? 30 00:01:01,020 --> 00:01:03,104 Yes, fractions. 31 00:01:04,189 --> 00:01:05,774 ADULT SHELDON: At that moment, 32 00:01:05,816 --> 00:01:08,193 it occurred to me if I could teach mathematics 33 00:01:08,235 --> 00:01:10,696 to someone as dull-witted as my sister, 34 00:01:10,738 --> 00:01:12,531 I could create a race of superhumans 35 00:01:12,573 --> 00:01:14,616 that would do my bidding. 36 00:01:14,658 --> 00:01:16,952 And who wouldn't want that? 37 00:01:16,994 --> 00:01:18,829 Please, Sheldon. 38 00:01:18,871 --> 00:01:22,082 You know what, Missy? I'd be happy to help you. 39 00:01:22,123 --> 00:01:24,001 Thank you. 40 00:01:25,252 --> 00:01:28,380 ♪ Nobody else is stronger than I am ♪ 41 00:01:28,422 --> 00:01:31,174 ♪ Yesterday I moved a mountain ♪ 42 00:01:31,216 --> 00:01:33,761 ♪ I bet I could be your hero ♪ 43 00:01:33,802 --> 00:01:35,930 ♪ I am a mighty little man ♪ 44 00:01:35,971 --> 00:01:40,475 ♪ I am a mighty little man. ♪ 45 00:01:42,603 --> 00:01:45,981 Try thinking of it this way: imagine a pie. 46 00:01:46,023 --> 00:01:47,775 The number on the bottom of the fraction 47 00:01:47,816 --> 00:01:50,318 is how many pieces the pie has been sliced into. 48 00:01:50,360 --> 00:01:51,737 What kind of pie is it? 49 00:01:51,779 --> 00:01:53,113 Doesn't matter. 50 00:01:53,154 --> 00:01:54,489 But it would help me picture it 51 00:01:54,531 --> 00:01:55,783 if I knew the kind of pie. 52 00:01:55,824 --> 00:01:57,659 Fine, it's banana cream. 53 00:01:57,701 --> 00:01:59,536 I don't like banana cream. 54 00:01:59,578 --> 00:02:02,289 Okay, what kind of pie would you like it to be? 55 00:02:02,330 --> 00:02:05,125 What about those little apple pies from McDonalds? 56 00:02:05,166 --> 00:02:07,878 Sure. I burned my mouth on one of those. 57 00:02:07,920 --> 00:02:10,464 Didn't stop me. I still ate it. 58 00:02:10,505 --> 00:02:12,382 (doorbell rings, door opens) 59 00:02:13,884 --> 00:02:16,011 Veronica. Hi. 60 00:02:16,053 --> 00:02:17,596 Hey, Georgie. 61 00:02:17,638 --> 00:02:20,390 You-you changed your hair. 62 00:02:20,432 --> 00:02:22,350 I did. 63 00:02:22,392 --> 00:02:24,603 It's shorter. 64 00:02:24,645 --> 00:02:27,064 It is. 65 00:02:27,106 --> 00:02:29,357 I like it. 66 00:02:29,399 --> 00:02:31,610 Thank-thanks. 67 00:02:31,652 --> 00:02:33,070 You here to see me? 68 00:02:33,112 --> 00:02:35,030 I-I'm here for your mom's Bible study. 69 00:02:35,072 --> 00:02:38,826 Oh, sure, of course. 70 00:02:38,867 --> 00:02:40,452 I'm glad you could join us. 71 00:02:41,745 --> 00:02:43,122 Come in, won't you? 72 00:02:43,162 --> 00:02:45,332 (chuckles) You're part of the group, too? 73 00:02:45,373 --> 00:02:49,920 Faith, the Bible, God, I'm nuts for that stuff. 74 00:02:49,962 --> 00:02:52,714 (laughs softly) 75 00:02:54,008 --> 00:02:58,762 So one-fourth of the 12 pieces of pie is...? 76 00:02:58,804 --> 00:02:59,805 Three? 77 00:02:59,847 --> 00:03:01,515 Yes. 78 00:03:01,556 --> 00:03:05,144 And one-third of the 12 pieces is...? 79 00:03:05,184 --> 00:03:06,603 Four? 80 00:03:06,645 --> 00:03:09,230 Yes. Now how much is one-third of the pie plus 81 00:03:09,272 --> 00:03:10,941 one-fourth of the pie? 82 00:03:10,983 --> 00:03:16,446 Well, three plus four is seven, but there's 12 pieces, 83 00:03:16,488 --> 00:03:18,949 so seven-twelve-iths. 84 00:03:18,991 --> 00:03:22,161 It's twelfths. And yes. 85 00:03:22,201 --> 00:03:24,538 I did it. 86 00:03:24,579 --> 00:03:26,456 ADULT SHELDON: Actually, I did it. 87 00:03:26,498 --> 00:03:30,293 In less than ten minutes, I taught fractions to a monkey. 88 00:03:31,712 --> 00:03:35,256 Welcome, Veronica. We're so glad to have you. 89 00:03:36,800 --> 00:03:38,510 What are you doing? 90 00:03:38,552 --> 00:03:40,512 What's it look like? I'm here for Bible study. 91 00:03:40,554 --> 00:03:42,597 Did you just take a shower? 92 00:03:42,639 --> 00:03:43,724 No. 93 00:03:43,765 --> 00:03:45,559 (sniffs) You did, too. 94 00:03:45,600 --> 00:03:48,187 So I want to be clean for Jesus. Get off my back. 95 00:03:49,270 --> 00:03:51,606 Interesting. 96 00:03:51,648 --> 00:03:53,984 Georgie, if you want to be a good Christian, 97 00:03:54,026 --> 00:03:55,944 maybe you should stop lying through your teeth. 98 00:03:55,986 --> 00:03:57,821 Just be happy I brushed them, okay? 99 00:03:57,863 --> 00:04:00,365 Hmm... MISSY: Okay. 100 00:04:00,407 --> 00:04:01,783 All done. Thanks. 101 00:04:01,825 --> 00:04:03,243 While we're here, would you like me 102 00:04:03,284 --> 00:04:04,703 to introduce you to algebra? 103 00:04:04,745 --> 00:04:06,121 Al who? 104 00:04:06,163 --> 00:04:07,748 Oh, boy. 105 00:04:07,789 --> 00:04:09,290 It's not a person, it's an ancient Arabic method 106 00:04:09,332 --> 00:04:12,460 of finding the value of variables. 107 00:04:12,502 --> 00:04:14,588 Oh. Nah. 108 00:04:16,255 --> 00:04:18,383 ADULT SHELDON: Clearly, I needed a more sophisticated technique 109 00:04:18,425 --> 00:04:20,427 to motivate my simian sister. 110 00:04:20,468 --> 00:04:22,096 Are you sure? 111 00:04:22,137 --> 00:04:26,391 If you learn a little algebra, I'll give you a banana. 112 00:04:26,433 --> 00:04:29,895 All right, now we're reading from Matthew 4. 113 00:04:29,937 --> 00:04:33,732 Georgie, why don't you get us started on verse 17? 114 00:04:33,774 --> 00:04:35,025 Me? 115 00:04:35,067 --> 00:04:36,651 Yes, you. 116 00:04:36,693 --> 00:04:39,362 Oh. Okay. 117 00:04:39,404 --> 00:04:42,074 Um... Verse 17... 118 00:04:42,116 --> 00:04:44,325 (quietly): Verse 17... 119 00:04:44,367 --> 00:04:46,870 Give me a minute. 120 00:04:46,912 --> 00:04:48,538 Here. 121 00:04:49,497 --> 00:04:52,209 Bless you. 122 00:04:52,251 --> 00:04:55,254 Okay, here we go. "From that time, 123 00:04:55,294 --> 00:04:57,839 "Jesus began to preach and say 'Repent, 124 00:04:57,881 --> 00:05:02,094 "c-change your inner self, your old way of thinking, 125 00:05:02,136 --> 00:05:04,012 "regret past sins, 126 00:05:04,054 --> 00:05:07,266 "live your life in a way that proves repentance: 127 00:05:07,306 --> 00:05:09,810 seek God's purpose for your life." 128 00:05:09,851 --> 00:05:11,645 Powerful stuff. 129 00:05:13,730 --> 00:05:15,149 Can I get an amen? 130 00:05:15,190 --> 00:05:17,484 ALL: Amen. 131 00:05:17,525 --> 00:05:18,777 Amen. 132 00:05:21,989 --> 00:05:24,532 Need any help there, Sheldon? I'm looking 133 00:05:24,574 --> 00:05:26,701 for some books on education theory. 134 00:05:26,743 --> 00:05:28,369 What for? I'm trying 135 00:05:28,411 --> 00:05:30,080 to develop a technique to teach someone 136 00:05:30,122 --> 00:05:33,000 who falls into the conventional category of "stupid." 137 00:05:33,041 --> 00:05:36,086 Oh. Well, now, there's a wide range of stupid. 138 00:05:36,128 --> 00:05:38,005 Can you narrow it down? 139 00:05:38,046 --> 00:05:40,174 She wrote a fan letter to Alf. 140 00:05:40,215 --> 00:05:44,552 Got it. So you're looking to make a pretty radical change. 141 00:05:44,594 --> 00:05:47,139 Well, ideally, I'd like to wipe my sister's brain clean 142 00:05:47,181 --> 00:05:49,766 and start over, but my mom wouldn't like that. 143 00:05:49,808 --> 00:05:52,144 Yeah. Moms are no fun. 144 00:06:08,910 --> 00:06:10,287 Hey, Veronica. 145 00:06:10,329 --> 00:06:12,914 Georgie. So, listen, 146 00:06:12,956 --> 00:06:14,791 I was doing my prayers last night and, uh, 147 00:06:14,833 --> 00:06:17,544 you won't believe it, but I think God spoke to me. 148 00:06:17,585 --> 00:06:20,379 Really? What did he say? 149 00:06:20,421 --> 00:06:21,965 Well, I couldn't understand 150 00:06:22,007 --> 00:06:24,176 all of it, 'cause it was in an ancient language, 151 00:06:24,218 --> 00:06:25,760 but the part I did understand 152 00:06:25,802 --> 00:06:28,596 is he wants us to spend more time together. 153 00:06:28,638 --> 00:06:30,765 Doing what? 154 00:06:30,807 --> 00:06:33,434 Oh, you know, praying, helping the needy. 155 00:06:33,476 --> 00:06:35,478 Your usual Christian activities. 156 00:06:35,520 --> 00:06:37,981 Well, I'm okay with that. 157 00:06:38,023 --> 00:06:42,485 Good. So you, me and God, we'll hang out. 158 00:06:42,527 --> 00:06:44,238 Sounds good. 159 00:06:44,279 --> 00:06:47,115 Okay. See you later. 160 00:06:47,157 --> 00:06:50,077 (chuckles) See you. 161 00:06:50,118 --> 00:06:53,538 I may be going to hell. 162 00:06:53,580 --> 00:06:54,748 (exhales sharply) 163 00:06:54,789 --> 00:06:56,666 So you're hoping to create an army 164 00:06:56,708 --> 00:06:59,669 of super-intelligent children who will do your bidding? 165 00:06:59,711 --> 00:07:01,380 In a perfect world, yes. 166 00:07:01,420 --> 00:07:03,464 You should spend more time with my mother. 167 00:07:03,506 --> 00:07:04,674 That's her goal, too. 168 00:07:04,716 --> 00:07:06,593 SHELDON: Ooh, this is interesting. 169 00:07:06,634 --> 00:07:09,428 According to Socrates, all knowledge exists 170 00:07:09,470 --> 00:07:12,224 within the student and just needs to be drawn out 171 00:07:12,266 --> 00:07:13,975 through skillful questioning. 172 00:07:14,017 --> 00:07:17,478 Are you saying I knew that before you even said it? 173 00:07:17,520 --> 00:07:19,522 I don't know, did you? Well, according 174 00:07:19,564 --> 00:07:23,068 to Socrates, you do know and the answer's inside you. 175 00:07:23,110 --> 00:07:26,071 Well, then, ask me a skillful question to draw it out. 176 00:07:26,113 --> 00:07:30,491 Do you know if I knew before I knew? 177 00:07:30,533 --> 00:07:33,161 No. 178 00:07:33,203 --> 00:07:35,705 Hey, it works. 179 00:07:35,747 --> 00:07:38,041 It does. 180 00:07:44,381 --> 00:07:47,508 (camera beeps, whirs) 181 00:07:48,676 --> 00:07:50,511 I'm recording my findings 182 00:07:50,553 --> 00:07:53,432 so that future generations of mankind can understand 183 00:07:53,472 --> 00:07:57,227 the steps I took to create homo novus, "new man." 184 00:07:57,269 --> 00:08:00,939 Of course, there's a strong likelihood that my homo novi 185 00:08:00,981 --> 00:08:02,399 might've wiped out all future generations, 186 00:08:02,441 --> 00:08:05,235 so I have no idea who's watching this. 187 00:08:05,277 --> 00:08:07,279 What are you doing in here? 188 00:08:07,321 --> 00:08:10,531 I'm keeping a video diary of my experiment to create homo novus. 189 00:08:10,573 --> 00:08:11,992 Homo what? 190 00:08:12,033 --> 00:08:14,786 Novus. It's Latin. It means "new man." 191 00:08:14,828 --> 00:08:18,165 Oh. I guess that's okay. 192 00:08:18,206 --> 00:08:21,668 Y-Your mom's at church. W-What do you want for dinner? 193 00:08:23,378 --> 00:08:26,589 I believe you know what I want for dinner. 194 00:08:26,631 --> 00:08:28,258 Is that right? 195 00:08:28,300 --> 00:08:29,759 It's Thursday. 196 00:08:29,801 --> 00:08:32,679 What does Mom always make me on Thursdays? 197 00:08:32,720 --> 00:08:34,555 Spaghetti and hot dogs? 198 00:08:36,641 --> 00:08:38,685 Socrates. Got to love him. 199 00:08:38,726 --> 00:08:41,146 CONGREGATION: ♪ Then sings my soul ♪ 200 00:08:41,188 --> 00:08:45,442 ♪ My savior God to Thee ♪ 201 00:08:45,484 --> 00:08:48,320 ♪ How great Thou art ♪ 202 00:08:48,362 --> 00:08:49,779 ♪ God to Thee ♪ 203 00:08:49,821 --> 00:08:51,490 ♪ How great Thou art ♪ 204 00:08:51,531 --> 00:08:53,616 ♪ How great Thou art ♪ 205 00:08:53,658 --> 00:08:56,495 ♪ How great Thou art ♪ ♪ Then sings my soul ♪ 206 00:08:56,536 --> 00:08:59,373 ♪ My savior God to Thee ♪ 207 00:08:59,414 --> 00:09:01,082 ♪ Then sings my soul ♪ 208 00:09:01,124 --> 00:09:04,919 ♪ How great Thou art ♪ ♪ My savior God to Thee ♪ 209 00:09:04,961 --> 00:09:09,216 ♪ How great Thou art. ♪ ♪ How great Thou art. ♪ 210 00:09:11,885 --> 00:09:13,220 PASTOR JEFF: And now, 211 00:09:13,261 --> 00:09:15,222 why don't we take a moment to pray, 212 00:09:15,263 --> 00:09:17,140 uh, keeping in mind that our prayers 213 00:09:17,182 --> 00:09:19,559 should not be for our own benefit, 214 00:09:19,600 --> 00:09:21,978 but for our family, friends, 215 00:09:22,020 --> 00:09:26,900 fellow Texans, Americans of all races and religions 216 00:09:26,941 --> 00:09:28,443 and the world. 217 00:09:28,485 --> 00:09:29,736 Well, most of the world. 218 00:09:29,777 --> 00:09:31,654 Y'all know what countries to pick. 219 00:09:34,408 --> 00:09:36,951 MARY: Lord, please look after my family. 220 00:09:36,993 --> 00:09:39,954 Give them everything they need to be happy and healthy. 221 00:09:39,996 --> 00:09:42,249 And this lovely young girl with me tonight, 222 00:09:42,290 --> 00:09:44,959 help her stay on the path of righteousness. 223 00:09:45,001 --> 00:09:47,504 VERONICA: God, please look after my sister. 224 00:09:47,546 --> 00:09:49,548 You can find her at the women's correctional facility 225 00:09:49,589 --> 00:09:50,798 in Lubbock. 226 00:09:50,840 --> 00:09:52,467 Help her seek salvation in you 227 00:09:52,509 --> 00:09:55,970 instead of cocaine, marijuana and bass players. 228 00:09:56,012 --> 00:09:58,223 GEORGIE: Jesus, I'm sure, even from Heaven, you can see 229 00:09:58,265 --> 00:10:00,183 how hot the girl sitting next to me is. 230 00:10:00,225 --> 00:10:02,477 And I know I'm not supposed to pray for myself, 231 00:10:02,519 --> 00:10:04,396 but here's the deal: if you can get her 232 00:10:04,438 --> 00:10:06,273 to fall in love with me, and you know, 233 00:10:06,314 --> 00:10:07,857 make some bad decisions, 234 00:10:07,899 --> 00:10:10,402 I swear I'll come to church every Sunday. 235 00:10:10,444 --> 00:10:12,612 MARY: And thank you for bringing Georgie tonight, 236 00:10:12,653 --> 00:10:15,782 even though you and I both know why he came. 237 00:10:15,823 --> 00:10:18,326 Speaking of which, whatever he's praying for right now, 238 00:10:18,368 --> 00:10:20,078 ignore it. 239 00:10:20,120 --> 00:10:21,913 VERONICA: And please protect me from impure thoughts, 240 00:10:21,955 --> 00:10:26,209 and teach me to respect the sanctity of my body. 241 00:10:26,251 --> 00:10:28,462 GEORGIE: Now if for instance she and I were to go skinny dipping 242 00:10:28,503 --> 00:10:30,589 and one thing were to lead to another 243 00:10:30,630 --> 00:10:33,049 under the moonlit sky, get this: 244 00:10:33,091 --> 00:10:35,302 not only do I become a devout Christian, 245 00:10:35,343 --> 00:10:38,096 I will also bug everybody I meet to do the same. 246 00:10:38,138 --> 00:10:39,722 And you know I can be real annoying 247 00:10:39,764 --> 00:10:41,099 when I set my mind to it. 248 00:10:41,141 --> 00:10:42,392 MARY: Amen. 249 00:10:42,434 --> 00:10:44,727 VERONICA: Amen. 250 00:10:44,769 --> 00:10:48,398 GEORGIE: I'm gonna take your silence as a yes. Amen. 251 00:10:55,489 --> 00:10:57,157 What are you working on? 252 00:10:57,198 --> 00:11:00,535 A list of possible boyfriends for my Cabbage Patch doll. 253 00:11:00,577 --> 00:11:04,038 How do you think Celeste would look next to Joey Lawrence? 254 00:11:04,080 --> 00:11:06,124 I don't know who that is. 255 00:11:06,166 --> 00:11:07,917 He's Blossom's brother. 256 00:11:07,959 --> 00:11:10,128 I don't know who that is. 257 00:11:10,170 --> 00:11:13,047 It's a show. She wears hats. 258 00:11:13,089 --> 00:11:15,800 Anyway, I've been doing some research, 259 00:11:15,842 --> 00:11:17,844 and I've come to the conclusion that I don't need 260 00:11:17,885 --> 00:11:19,095 to teach you anything. 261 00:11:19,137 --> 00:11:20,721 You already know everything. 262 00:11:20,763 --> 00:11:22,056 Cool. 263 00:11:22,098 --> 00:11:23,600 Your brain already contains all the math 264 00:11:23,642 --> 00:11:25,101 that will ever be known. 265 00:11:25,143 --> 00:11:27,228 I heard you and I said "cool." 266 00:11:27,270 --> 00:11:28,938 Well, wouldn't you like to explore 267 00:11:28,980 --> 00:11:31,441 that great treasure trove of knowledge? 268 00:11:31,483 --> 00:11:34,528 That depends. What's a trove? 269 00:11:34,569 --> 00:11:37,614 We'll circle back to that. True or false? 270 00:11:37,656 --> 00:11:40,492 At times, you have referred to yourself as being dumb. 271 00:11:40,534 --> 00:11:42,076 True. 272 00:11:42,118 --> 00:11:44,371 And do you enjoy feeling that way? 273 00:11:44,412 --> 00:11:46,498 No. 274 00:11:46,540 --> 00:11:48,333 Well, let me change that. 275 00:11:48,375 --> 00:11:49,959 I'm presenting you with an opportunity 276 00:11:50,001 --> 00:11:52,962 to achieve the full potential of your mind. 277 00:11:54,422 --> 00:11:57,425 Are you gonna do some experiment where we switch brains? 278 00:11:57,467 --> 00:11:59,052 No. 279 00:11:59,093 --> 00:12:00,554 'Cause I've seen it on Gilligan's Island 280 00:12:00,595 --> 00:12:02,013 and I've seen it on The Flintstones 281 00:12:02,055 --> 00:12:04,265 and it never goes well. 282 00:12:05,559 --> 00:12:06,767 (exhales sharply) 283 00:12:06,809 --> 00:12:09,854 Ooh. Gilligan. 284 00:12:09,896 --> 00:12:14,609 ♪ Then sings my soul, my savior God... ♪ 285 00:12:14,651 --> 00:12:16,944 Oh, who do you think you're fooling here? 286 00:12:16,986 --> 00:12:19,573 I have no idea what you're talking about. 287 00:12:19,614 --> 00:12:22,867 Listen to me. Veronica has a rough family situation, 288 00:12:22,909 --> 00:12:24,952 and she's trying to improve her life. 289 00:12:24,994 --> 00:12:27,914 And I admire that. Very inspirational. 290 00:12:27,955 --> 00:12:29,290 Georgie, 291 00:12:29,332 --> 00:12:31,418 believe me, I'm glad to see you in a church, 292 00:12:31,459 --> 00:12:35,129 but I do not want you taking advantage of that girl. 293 00:12:35,171 --> 00:12:39,551 Taking advantage? Veronica and I are Bible buddies, nothing more. 294 00:12:40,427 --> 00:12:42,637 I'm serious. Right. 295 00:12:42,679 --> 00:12:45,265 Maybe you should ask yourself what's in you 296 00:12:45,306 --> 00:12:47,559 that makes you see sin in the hearts of others. 297 00:12:47,601 --> 00:12:49,977 Okay, now you're pushing it. 298 00:12:51,979 --> 00:12:55,066 Lord Jesus, please help my mother with her anger. 299 00:12:57,110 --> 00:12:59,696 Can I get an amen? No. 300 00:13:01,656 --> 00:13:03,782 Why do we need the camera? 301 00:13:03,824 --> 00:13:06,578 So people in the future can see your transformation. 302 00:13:06,620 --> 00:13:07,995 (camera beeps) 303 00:13:08,037 --> 00:13:09,289 Where are you going? 304 00:13:09,330 --> 00:13:11,625 To put on a dress for the future people. 305 00:13:11,666 --> 00:13:13,752 Hello, people of the future. 306 00:13:13,792 --> 00:13:16,795 My name is Missy Cooper and this is my best friend Celeste. 307 00:13:16,837 --> 00:13:20,300 (whispers): She's dating Joey Lawrence. 308 00:13:21,217 --> 00:13:22,761 (sighs) 309 00:13:25,972 --> 00:13:28,391 You want to hang out Saturday? 310 00:13:28,433 --> 00:13:30,769 Can't. I signed up to get baptized. 311 00:13:30,809 --> 00:13:33,812 Oh, yeah. I've been meaning to do that. 312 00:13:33,854 --> 00:13:37,233 Well, why don't you join me? We could do it together. 313 00:13:37,275 --> 00:13:40,069 Sure. You and me, getting double dunked. I like it. 314 00:13:40,111 --> 00:13:41,946 Can you imagine afterwards? 315 00:13:41,988 --> 00:13:44,907 All of our sins will be washed away. 316 00:13:44,949 --> 00:13:47,826 Yeah, and we can start cranking out fresh ones. 317 00:13:50,455 --> 00:13:52,457 I just don't know where I went wrong. 318 00:13:52,499 --> 00:13:54,083 Are you sure your questioning was skillful? 319 00:13:54,125 --> 00:13:57,504 I thought so, but after two hours of interrogation, 320 00:13:57,545 --> 00:13:59,506 all I could extract from my sister's brain 321 00:13:59,547 --> 00:14:02,676 was that there was some sort of block with new kids on it. 322 00:14:02,717 --> 00:14:04,843 Sheldon, how's your educational project going? 323 00:14:04,885 --> 00:14:06,763 Poorly. I've hit a wall. 324 00:14:06,805 --> 00:14:09,474 Have you considered B.F. Skinner's behavior modification? 325 00:14:09,516 --> 00:14:11,518 What's that? It uses punishment 326 00:14:11,559 --> 00:14:13,852 and reward to get the results you want. 327 00:14:13,894 --> 00:14:16,648 Ooh, punishment. I like the sound of that. 328 00:14:16,690 --> 00:14:21,110 (quietly): In the right context, so do I. 329 00:14:21,152 --> 00:14:23,154 I took a real beating at the craps table, 330 00:14:23,196 --> 00:14:26,199 and then I won it all back playing Caribbean Stud Poker. 331 00:14:26,240 --> 00:14:28,535 Well, how does Caribbean Stud Poker work? 332 00:14:28,576 --> 00:14:30,870 I have no idea. I was drunk off my ass. 333 00:14:30,911 --> 00:14:32,372 (both laugh) MARY: Way to go, Mom. 334 00:14:32,413 --> 00:14:34,749 Way to lead a Christian life. 335 00:14:34,791 --> 00:14:36,835 Oh, does my daughter think poorly of me? 336 00:14:36,876 --> 00:14:38,085 Yes. 337 00:14:38,127 --> 00:14:41,047 Good. I can die happy. 338 00:14:41,088 --> 00:14:45,510 Hey, Mom, just a heads-up, I'm getting baptized tomorrow. 339 00:14:46,886 --> 00:14:48,346 Good Lord. 340 00:14:48,388 --> 00:14:51,516 That boy's randiness knows no bounds. 341 00:14:51,558 --> 00:14:52,767 What are you talking about? 342 00:14:52,809 --> 00:14:54,060 He's only doing it 343 00:14:54,101 --> 00:14:55,436 'cause of that Veronica girl. 344 00:14:55,478 --> 00:14:57,605 Oh, sure. That makes sense. 345 00:14:57,647 --> 00:14:59,273 What do you mean, it makes sense? 346 00:14:59,315 --> 00:15:01,526 When I was his age, I hitchhiked to Florida 347 00:15:01,568 --> 00:15:03,695 'cause I had a friend that had a girlfriend 348 00:15:03,737 --> 00:15:05,946 who knew a girl who might be willing. 349 00:15:05,988 --> 00:15:07,615 But then you met my daughter and you didn't have 350 00:15:07,657 --> 00:15:09,701 to travel so far. (laughs) 351 00:15:10,493 --> 00:15:12,036 (bottles clink) 352 00:15:14,163 --> 00:15:15,998 SHELDON: According to B.F. Skinner, 353 00:15:16,040 --> 00:15:18,251 if I can find the appropriate punishment to motivate Missy, 354 00:15:18,292 --> 00:15:22,380 there's no limit to what she might be able to learn. 355 00:15:22,422 --> 00:15:25,299 But what might that punishment be? 356 00:15:25,341 --> 00:15:27,552 Whip her with a rubber hose? 357 00:15:27,594 --> 00:15:31,890 No. That sounds like a recipe for tendonitis. 358 00:15:31,930 --> 00:15:35,435 Administer small electric shocks? 359 00:15:35,476 --> 00:15:37,228 Tricky. 360 00:15:37,270 --> 00:15:39,355 If I get the voltage wrong, I could spend the rest of my life 361 00:15:39,397 --> 00:15:42,525 in an institution for the criminally insane. 362 00:15:44,527 --> 00:15:47,029 Or I inflict harm 363 00:15:47,071 --> 00:15:50,742 on the object she loves more than life itself. 364 00:15:52,786 --> 00:15:58,291 Celeste, you're about to become part of scientific history. 365 00:16:00,293 --> 00:16:02,587 All right, everybody, welcome to the 1990 366 00:16:02,629 --> 00:16:04,130 East Texas Baptist Olympics. 367 00:16:04,171 --> 00:16:06,466 (laughs) 368 00:16:06,507 --> 00:16:09,051 'Cause we're in the pool of water. 369 00:16:09,093 --> 00:16:11,220 Anyway, I want to welcome 370 00:16:11,262 --> 00:16:13,598 our little sister Veronica Duncan, 371 00:16:13,640 --> 00:16:15,934 who I will be dunkin'. (chuckles) 372 00:16:15,974 --> 00:16:17,351 Sorry. 373 00:16:17,393 --> 00:16:20,062 I can't turn it off. And I also want to welcome 374 00:16:20,104 --> 00:16:22,231 George Cooper, who has recently found 375 00:16:22,273 --> 00:16:23,858 his way to the Lord. 376 00:16:23,900 --> 00:16:25,984 Howdy. Praise Jesus. 377 00:16:26,026 --> 00:16:27,445 (sighs) 378 00:16:27,487 --> 00:16:29,988 Are you ready to learn some advanced calculus? 379 00:16:30,030 --> 00:16:31,365 Nope. 380 00:16:31,407 --> 00:16:33,367 Be right back. 381 00:16:33,409 --> 00:16:35,745 Take your time. 382 00:16:35,787 --> 00:16:38,038 Veronica, do you trust in Jesus Christ 383 00:16:38,080 --> 00:16:40,708 as your personal Lord and savior? 384 00:16:40,750 --> 00:16:43,085 (laughs softly): I do. 385 00:16:43,127 --> 00:16:45,338 JEFF: It's upon your profession of faith 386 00:16:45,379 --> 00:16:47,715 that I baptize you, my sister, 387 00:16:47,757 --> 00:16:53,179 in the name of the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit. Amen. 388 00:16:53,220 --> 00:16:57,141 ♪ Wade in the water ♪ 389 00:16:57,183 --> 00:16:58,601 ♪ Wade ♪ 390 00:16:58,643 --> 00:17:03,439 ♪ In the water, children, wade ♪ 391 00:17:03,481 --> 00:17:06,275 ♪ In the water ♪ 392 00:17:06,317 --> 00:17:10,530 ♪ Washing me down, washing me down ♪ 393 00:17:14,325 --> 00:17:17,662 ♪ Wade... ♪ 394 00:17:17,704 --> 00:17:20,498 Dang. 395 00:17:20,540 --> 00:17:23,125 All right, let's try this again. 396 00:17:23,167 --> 00:17:24,878 Would you be ready to learn some advanced calculus 397 00:17:24,919 --> 00:17:26,880 if it saved Celeste's pigtails? 398 00:17:26,921 --> 00:17:29,716 What are you doing? Put her down. 399 00:17:29,757 --> 00:17:32,468 Not until I modify your behavior. 400 00:17:32,510 --> 00:17:36,931 In the name of the Father, Son and the Holy Spirit. Amen. 401 00:17:36,973 --> 00:17:39,099 ♪ Drop me in the water... ♪ 402 00:17:39,141 --> 00:17:41,310 Sheldon, I'm warning you. 403 00:17:49,777 --> 00:17:51,195 ALL: Hallelujah! 404 00:17:51,237 --> 00:17:52,363 (laughs) We did it! 405 00:17:52,405 --> 00:17:53,948 ♪ Tease me... ♪ 406 00:17:53,990 --> 00:17:56,034 Ooh, I'm so happy. 407 00:17:56,075 --> 00:17:57,911 I love you. 408 00:17:59,161 --> 00:18:01,539 Is it working? Are you feeling motivated? 409 00:18:01,581 --> 00:18:03,666 Very. 410 00:18:03,708 --> 00:18:05,043 (animal growling) 411 00:18:07,795 --> 00:18:10,506 (Georgie grunts) (all gasping) 412 00:18:10,548 --> 00:18:12,008 Care to explain yourself? 413 00:18:12,050 --> 00:18:13,843 I was trying to motivate Missy 414 00:18:13,885 --> 00:18:16,303 to expand her intellectual horizons. 415 00:18:16,345 --> 00:18:18,639 By torturing her Cabbage Patch doll? 416 00:18:18,681 --> 00:18:20,808 Well, it's not like I shocked her with electrodes, 417 00:18:20,850 --> 00:18:22,602 which was an option. Enough. 418 00:18:22,643 --> 00:18:25,021 To be clear, I meant to shock Missy, not the doll. 419 00:18:25,063 --> 00:18:26,272 That would be ineffective. 420 00:18:26,313 --> 00:18:28,232 Enough! And you. 421 00:18:28,274 --> 00:18:31,235 Getting baptized just to kiss a girl? What were you thinking? 422 00:18:31,277 --> 00:18:33,780 Sounds like you know what I was thinking. 423 00:18:33,821 --> 00:18:37,116 Well, you are both grounded. 424 00:18:46,626 --> 00:18:48,878 I like you because you're an alien but you're funny, 425 00:18:48,920 --> 00:18:52,214 unlike my brother who's an alien but just a jerk. 426 00:18:52,256 --> 00:18:55,259 Anyway, I hope you're enjoying your time here on our planet 427 00:18:55,301 --> 00:18:57,887 and have found things to eat other than cats. 428 00:18:57,929 --> 00:18:59,806 I recommend chicken nuggets. 429 00:18:59,847 --> 00:19:02,516 Sincerely, Missy Cooper, age ten. 430 00:19:02,558 --> 00:19:07,187 ALF: "P.S. My favorite color is pink. What's yours?" 431 00:19:07,229 --> 00:19:09,523 Ha. What a cutie pie. 432 00:19:09,565 --> 00:19:12,026 Hey, hey, Barbara, we got any more of those pink T-shirts 433 00:19:12,068 --> 00:19:13,486 with my face on them? 434 00:19:13,527 --> 00:19:16,196 I want to send one to this Missy Cooper kid. 435 00:19:16,238 --> 00:19:18,992 Oh, oh, and get me some chicken nuggets, huh? 436 00:19:19,033 --> 00:19:22,536 Hello? Anybody out there? 437 00:19:24,413 --> 00:19:26,082 Apparently not. 438 00:19:27,667 --> 00:19:29,043 Barb! ntly not.