ADULT SHELDON: I'd like to tell you a story
about a time I was right.
Now, I'm sure you're thinking,
"But, Sheldon, you're never wrong."
And you'd be right.
But it's worth taking a closer look
at this particular incident.
Because it began with a loaf of bread,
and ended with me and my family
almost being kicked out of the United States of America.
Uh-oh.
What's the matter?
Something's wrong with my sandwich.
Did it go bad?
No. It just tastes... different.
If you don't want it, I'll trade you for my dumplings.
I'm already unhappy.
Do you really think dumplings will fix the problem?
It'll fix my problem. I'm sick of dumplings.
(phone rings)
Mary Cooper, how may I bless you?
SHELDON: Hello, Mom?
Sheldon? Everything okay?
No. What's wrong?
What happened? My sandwich tastes different.
(sighs) You know you're not supposed to call
unless it's an emergency.
I'm well aware. So what did you change?
I didn't change anything.
Same bread, same peanut butter, same jelly.
Did you use one knife for the PB and the J?
No. Are you sure?
That was one time two years ago,
and all the other knives were dirty.
It was 14 months and 11 days ago.
When we made the big switch from Wonder Bread.
Oh, how could I forget?
Sheldon, I didn't change anything.
Can I get back to work now?
I suppose so.
Thank you. Bye.
Don't I get an "I love you"?
I love you.
One more time, with a little more energy.
(phone hangs up, dial tone sounds)
Must've been disconnected.
Well, my mother didn't do anything differently.
Are you gonna eat it?
Better. I'm going to do science on it.
(sighs) I would eat it.
Are the goggles necessary?
No, but they really set the mood.
Okay, subject "A," jelly.
That's definitely strawberry and definitely Smuckers.
Subject "B."
That's Jif all right. Creamy and delicious.
It must be the bread.
Hold on. This is a scientific experiment.
We can't make assumptions.
Subject "C."
It's the bread.
♪ Nobody else is stronger than I am ♪
♪ Yesterday I moved a mountain ♪
♪ I bet I could be your hero ♪
♪ I am a mighty little man ♪
♪ I am a mighty little man. ♪
Welcome to the family, Hacksaw.
(sniffles)
Hey.
Oh. Hey, Georgie.
You okay?
Mm-hmm.
You sure?
Not really.
Um... Dustin broke up with me.
What?
He said I was immature. (sniffs)
Is he crazy?
Everything about you screams womanhood.
See?
Happy Hearth Home Bakeries, just like always.
Well, something is rotten in the state of Denmark. What?
That's Shakespeare, Mom. Great.
Missy, did your sandwich taste different today?
Couldn't tell you. I traded it for a Ding Dong.
Your sandwich is exactly the same, Sheldon.
What's going on?
This bread is different.
Let me see.
You know, he might be right.
Ow.
Shelly, it's probably just your taste buds
changing as you get older.
But I don't like change.
Then you're gonna hate puberty.
Got me with your ring.
She wasn't wrong.
Studies do support that your sense of taste
changes over time.
So the bread's the same and you're different?
Apparently so.
Nope, it's the bread.
(school bell rings)
Hey.
Hi.
I was wondering if you wanted to grab a bite to eat
at the Waffle House?
Not like a date.
But as someone who recently had his heart broke,
I think I could help.
Who broke your heart?
I love you.
(others gasping) Ooh!
You did.
Oh. Yeah.
I'm just saying,
I know what you're going through.
So if you need a friend with a pocket full of waffle money...
(chuckles)
(woman speaks indistinctly over P.A.)
TAM: Look at these prices.
No wonder supermarkets are running my parents
out of business.
Your parents own a convenience store.
They charge extra for the convenience.
How is this not convenient?
Excuse me, sir.
Has anything changed with the bread
from the Happy Hearth Home Bakeries?
I have no idea.
How can you not know? You work here.
What do you want from me?
I get $3.35 an hour to stock shelves.
Are you kidding?
My father pays me five dollars a week.
I bet they're violating child labor laws.
Look. This loaf says
"A subsidiary of the Domestic Food Corporation."
This older loaf doesn't.
I wonder if I can take my parents to court?
(sniffs) It smells like my bread.
Or I could start a labor union with my sisters.
This is it! This is my bread!
We could go on strike.
Bring them to their knees.
SHELDON: Vindication!
(phone rings)
Happy Hearth Home Bakeries,
this is Pete. How can I help you?
Hello, Pete. My name is Sheldon Cooper,
and I would like to know what changed
in your white sandwich loaf to make it taste different?
Sheldon, hang up the phone. It's dinner time.
Be right there, Mom. I'm doing battle with corporate America.
I'm sorry, Pete.
You were saying?
Any chance your bread was past the expiration date?
No, it was brand-new. But I did a taste comparison
after it was bought out by the Domestic Food Corporation,
and they are definitely not the same.
Well, I can assure you that, "the recent acquisition
"by the Domestic Food Corporation has not affected
"the quality of our products in any way.
"Every single bread, baked good, and pastry
is made with love. From our hearth to your home."
Then why does it taste different, Pete? Why?
Well, because now we make everything
really cheap and fast. Bye.
I thought Dustin was different.
I thought he wanted to live a Christian life like me.
But... all he wanted is what every guy wants.
(scoffs) Guys.
Oh, please, you're all the same.
Hey. You rejected me, you punched me in the face,
and I'm still here.
Happy eating waffles with you.
Georgie, do you really think you're capable
of just being my friend?
That's a good question.
My brain says yes.
What about the rest of you?
Honestly, I wouldn't trust it.
(laughs)
Excuse me. Would you like to sign my petition
against Happy Hearth Home Bakeries?
Maybe on the way out.
Excuse me. Would you like to sign my petition
against Happy Hearth Home Bakeries?
Oh. Maybe on the way out.
I hate to say it.
But everybody's way out
is at the other set of doors.
I have noticed. Why do you think that is?
Cowards. The whole bunch of 'em.
Mr. Givens!
(sighs) Hello, Sheldon.
Meemaw, this is my science teacher, Mr. Givens.
Nice to meet ya. Hi.
This is strange, I never think of you
as existing outside of school.
Well, it turns out I do.
And you're here buying food.
I am.
Fascinating.
All right.
Well, I'll see you on Monday. Wait.
Would you like to sign my petition
against Happy Hearth Home Bakeries?
Well, what have they done?
They're making their bread faster and cheaper
to save money.
That's terrible.
It is. Would you like to sign?
I would. Excellent.
I'll get you on the way out. Thank you.
Well, that's one.
Yeah.
GEORGE JR.: I know it's tough, but you gotta be strong.
And remember, you're not alone.
Hello?
Kinda busy.
Well, there's only one bathroom in the house, Georgie,
and it's not for phone calls.
I got to call you back.
Sorry.
Who you talking to?
That Veronica girl?
Yeah.
What's going on with that?
Nothing. We're just friends.
Okay. You ever want to run any of this stuff by me,
I'm here for you.
Why would I want to run it by you?
Well, I was once a 15-year-old boy.
I know what it's like to have strong feelings for a girl.
Gross. I'm not gonna talk to you about this.
I-I saw that kid on Who's the Boss
talk to Tony Danza about his problems.
They're not related. This is totally different.
Damn it, Georgie, you could flush once in a while. (toilet flushes)
On behalf of sandwich-loving children
everywhere, I thank you.
How many is that? 13.
A baker's dozen. What do you say we
pack up and head outta here?
No, we have to wait for Channel 7 news.
Channel 7?
Yes. I called them this morning
and told them there was a human interest story
at the supermarket.
What story?
Classic Americana.
Little guy versus corporate greed.
Honey, Channel 7 is not coming.
(horn honks)
You Sheldon Cooper?
Yes, ma'am.
You got to be kidding me.
How's my hair look?
Hey, how'd it go?
Great. Turn to Channel 7.
But I'm watching the game.
But I'm going to be on Channel 7.
What's he talking about?
He's gonna be on Channel 7.
SHELDON (on TV): I was shocked to learn
that the Happy Hearth Home Bakeries had been bought out
by the Domestic Food Corporation,
and they started making their bread faster and cheaper.
And you don't like that, do you? No.
REPORTER: And you're collecting signatures
to make them stop. I am.
Corporations shouldn't be allowed to make
these decisions on their own.
REPORTER: Well, who should?
The people who eat the bread.
This wouldn't happen if there were centralized control
over all these big corporations.
REPORTER: Are you suggesting
a communist form of government in Texas?
I suppose I am.
MEEMAW: Hang on a sec...
There you have it. Local boy Sheldon Cooper
says communism is what Texas needs.
Oh, dear God.
I just... You...
Why... I-I-I-I-I...
Why would you...
What were you th...
Oh, God. MARY: Calm down.
It was just the 4:00 news. I'm sure no one saw it.
I hope a lot of people saw it
and Happy Hearth is forced
to give our country good bread again.
No! No more bread.
No more country. No more talking.
Excuse me.
Where are you going?
I'm gonna go put up an American flag in front of my house.
That's a great idea. Mare, where's our flag?
Uh, uh, it's in the garage.
Is something wrong?
Yes, Sheldon, something is wrong.
(doorbell rings) Oh, now what?
Is anybody going to fill me in?
Not a good time, Brenda.
I don't want your boy playing with my boy anymore.
Excuse me? (phone ringing)
Someone get that!
I just saw Sheldon on the news.
He doesn't need to be filling
Billy's head with crazy commie ideas.
Crazier than sitting on an egg and trying to hatch it?
'Cause I saw your precious son do that the other day.
Oh, so you're spying on us.
Good to know.
(grunts)
Yes, I do understand we're in the middle of a cold war.
But have you seen
how many people wait in line for bread in Moscow?
It stands to reason their bread must be great.
Who you talking to?
A reporter from Time magazine. No!
He didn't mean it.
God bless America.
(exhales)
Traitors. Yeah, go back to Russia.
Go back?
I've never been there in the first place.
Well, have a great day, Georgie.
A great day? Are you out of your mind?
Our lives are over.
Well, you'll never have a great day with that attitude.
♪ You're a grand old flag ♪
♪ You're a high-flying flag ♪
♪ And forever in peace may you wave ♪
♪ You're the emblem of the land I love ♪
♪ The home of the free and the... ♪
Look, you made my mom's note.
"Don't talk to Sheldon. Mom."
That's fine. I usually do most of the talking.
Yes, you do.
♪ My country, 'tis of thee ♪
♪ Sweet land of liberty ♪
♪ Of thee I sing ♪
♪ Land where our fathers died, la... ♪
Sing along.
♪ Land of the pilgrims' pride... ♪
(indistinct chatter)
Mind if I sit?
Y-You sure you want to be seen with me?
Oh, please. You're not a commie.
Everyone else seems to think I am.
Do you even know what a communist is?
Yeah. It's the big blond guy Rocky fights in Rocky IV.
And he also fights them when he's Rambo.
(chuckles) That's it? Well,
I know in every movie it looks like the commies are gonna win,
but they don't.
(laughs)
You ever seen any Rocky movies?
Um, I saw Rocky II.
That's the second one.
♪ Oh, say, does that star-spangled banner ♪
♪ Yet wave... ♪
Hey, you wanted to see me?
Have a seat.
(sighs)
Guess what I've been getting a lot of calls about today.
I know it looks bad, but we're handling it.
It-It'll all blow over.
I'm sorry, George, but I can't have
a suspected communist coaching our boys.
(chuckles): Whoa, Tom. I'm not...
I love my country.
This is just Sheldon getting bent out of shape
over a loaf of bread.
Well, this bread better be worth you losing your job.
Now, hang on. G-Give me a chance to fix it.
Please.
(sighs)
All right, George.
But if I hear from one more angry parent...
Thank you. Thank you.
(phone rings)
He's not here.
Mary, you understand these people are atheists.
I get it. They're not my people.
You're my people.
Then what's this all about?
My son just wanted a better sandwich.
Why is this so hard for y'all to understand?!
♪ From the mountains ♪
♪ To the prairies ♪
♪ To the oceans white with foam ♪
♪ God bless America ♪
♪ Our home sweet home... ♪
Pinko! Screw you!
♪ God bless America... ♪
MAN: Three, two...
Thanks for having me on.
You're welcome. Now, I understand
you wanted to set the record straight
regarding your son's communism.
Yes. N-No!
He's not a communist. He's ten years old.
Listen, I fought for this country.
I love this country.
My kids love this country.
Isn't that right, Sheldon?
Yes.
Although, in all fairness,
the Social Security system is a form of...
You love this country! I love this country.
I have something important that I'd like to say.
These last few days,
I've been giving the new Happy Hearth bread
another chance, and I've decided
it's not so bad.
Also, it toasts well.
So, I'm going to say
that's a sign of personal growth on my part.
In fact, let's call it maturity.
Still not talking to me, huh?
Well... I'll check back in tomorrow. y part.