1
00:00:01,669 --> 00:00:03,587
("Girls Just Want to Have Fun"
by Cyndi Lauper playing)

2
00:00:03,629 --> 00:00:05,130
ADULT SHELDON:
It's typical for young people

3
00:00:05,172 --> 00:00:06,590
to admire rock stars.

4
00:00:06,632 --> 00:00:08,759
For my sister,
it was Cyndi Lauper.

5
00:00:08,801 --> 00:00:11,303
("Livin' On A Prayer"
by Bon Jovi playing)

6
00:00:11,345 --> 00:00:13,555
For my brother,
it was Bon Jovi.

7
00:00:13,597 --> 00:00:14,849
Well, Jon, we look good.

8
00:00:14,890 --> 00:00:17,559
♪ Oh, we're livin' on... ♪

9
00:00:17,601 --> 00:00:19,269
(classical violin playing)

10
00:00:19,311 --> 00:00:23,064
For me, the rock star
I admired most was...

11
00:00:23,106 --> 00:00:25,150
Albert Einstein.

12
00:00:25,192 --> 00:00:27,486
♪ ♪

13
00:00:27,528 --> 00:00:30,823
Did you know Einstein
loved playing the violin?

14
00:00:30,865 --> 00:00:32,282
So?
He believed music

15
00:00:32,324 --> 00:00:34,910
helped him formulate
his theories.

16
00:00:34,952 --> 00:00:36,328
So?

17
00:00:36,370 --> 00:00:38,121
Einstein was arguably
the greatest

18
00:00:38,163 --> 00:00:40,207
scientific mind
of the 20th century.

19
00:00:40,248 --> 00:00:42,459
If music helped him,
maybe it could help me.

20
00:00:42,501 --> 00:00:44,127
So?

21
00:00:45,337 --> 00:00:47,130
I got to go talk to my mom.

22
00:00:47,172 --> 00:00:48,924
Everything okay?
Yeah,

23
00:00:48,966 --> 00:00:50,634
she's just got some problems
she's dealing with.

24
00:00:50,676 --> 00:00:52,845
Kind of personal.
Will you make the kids lunch?

25
00:00:52,887 --> 00:00:54,889
Ah, do I have to?
George?

26
00:00:54,930 --> 00:00:56,181
Happy to.

27
00:00:56,223 --> 00:00:57,683
Be right back.

28
00:00:57,725 --> 00:01:01,687
(sighs)
What do y'all want for lunch?

29
00:01:01,729 --> 00:01:03,313
Peanut butter and jelly, please.

30
00:01:03,355 --> 00:01:04,439
Great. Missy?

31
00:01:04,481 --> 00:01:08,151
Tuna salad on rye toast,

32
00:01:08,193 --> 00:01:09,737
with sliced pickles and...

33
00:01:09,778 --> 00:01:11,530
Two PBJs, got it.

34
00:01:11,572 --> 00:01:14,033
What is going on?

35
00:01:14,074 --> 00:01:16,035
Well...
Well, what?

36
00:01:16,076 --> 00:01:18,245
I'm trying to say it.
You woke me up.

37
00:01:18,286 --> 00:01:20,539
Spill it or I'm going
back to bed.

38
00:01:21,331 --> 00:01:22,457
I'm pregnant.

39
00:01:23,375 --> 00:01:24,919
I'm awake now.

40
00:01:26,045 --> 00:01:28,839
♪ Nobody else
is stronger than I am ♪

41
00:01:28,881 --> 00:01:30,758
♪ Yesterday I moved a mountain ♪

42
00:01:30,799 --> 00:01:35,387
♪ I bet I could be your hero ♪

43
00:01:35,429 --> 00:01:36,597
♪ I am a mighty little man ♪

44
00:01:36,638 --> 00:01:40,851
♪ I am a mighty little man. ♪

45
00:01:43,437 --> 00:01:44,939
Are you sure?

46
00:01:44,980 --> 00:01:46,273
Yes. I'm late.

47
00:01:46,314 --> 00:01:48,107
How late?
Two days.

48
00:01:48,149 --> 00:01:49,985
Oh, two days.
That's nothing.

49
00:01:50,027 --> 00:01:52,947
Last time I was two days late,
I had the twins.

50
00:01:52,988 --> 00:01:55,824
Last time I was two days late,
I had menopause.

51
00:01:55,866 --> 00:01:56,909
(chuckles)

52
00:01:56,951 --> 00:01:59,160
Just trying to lighten the mood.

53
00:02:00,203 --> 00:02:02,039
So do you have...

54
00:02:02,081 --> 00:02:05,250
reason to think
that you might be?

55
00:02:05,292 --> 00:02:07,711
Well, we try to be safe, but...

56
00:02:07,753 --> 00:02:09,755
you know, heat of the moment.

57
00:02:09,797 --> 00:02:12,466
Still? After three kids
and that beer belly

58
00:02:12,507 --> 00:02:14,217
hanging over his pants?
Mom?

59
00:02:14,259 --> 00:02:17,805
I think you might be getting way
ahead of yourself.

60
00:02:17,846 --> 00:02:20,057
I'm telling you, I just know.

61
00:02:20,099 --> 00:02:23,894
You were also convinced that
Georgie was gonna be a girl.

62
00:02:23,936 --> 00:02:25,938
That's true.

63
00:02:25,980 --> 00:02:29,357
Although he does have
very pretty hair.

64
00:02:31,860 --> 00:02:33,988
Hello.
Hi, Sheldon.

65
00:02:34,029 --> 00:02:35,990
I'd like to learn to play
the violin.

66
00:02:36,031 --> 00:02:39,576
Really?
Well, that's terrific.

67
00:02:39,618 --> 00:02:42,287
Do you have any experience
with stringed instruments?

68
00:02:42,329 --> 00:02:43,914
Stringed instruments, no.

69
00:02:43,956 --> 00:02:45,833
String theory, yes.

70
00:02:46,875 --> 00:02:49,837
That was a joke.
I'm a joker.

71
00:02:49,878 --> 00:02:52,213
I think I have an old violin
you can take home

72
00:02:52,255 --> 00:02:53,340
and get the feel of.

73
00:02:53,381 --> 00:02:54,758
That's great.

74
00:02:54,800 --> 00:02:56,175
Thank you.

75
00:02:56,217 --> 00:02:57,678
But I have to warn you,

76
00:02:57,719 --> 00:02:59,304
it can be a frustrating
instrument to learn.

77
00:02:59,346 --> 00:03:01,348
Can you play it?
Yes.

78
00:03:01,389 --> 00:03:02,850
I'll be fine.

79
00:03:06,937 --> 00:03:09,648
(country music playing
over speakers)

80
00:03:13,234 --> 00:03:15,403
I don't see them.

81
00:03:15,445 --> 00:03:16,780
Excuse me.

82
00:03:16,822 --> 00:03:18,448
Where do you keep
your pregnancy tests?

83
00:03:18,490 --> 00:03:21,200
Mom.
Behind the counter
at the pharmacy.

84
00:03:21,242 --> 00:03:22,744
Thank you.

85
00:03:22,786 --> 00:03:24,746
Would you please be
a little more discreet?

86
00:03:24,788 --> 00:03:26,456
She doesn't know it's for you.

87
00:03:26,498 --> 00:03:28,458
Well, it sure
isn't for you.

88
00:03:28,500 --> 00:03:30,251
Come on.

89
00:03:30,293 --> 00:03:32,171
Ow. (gasps) No.

90
00:03:32,211 --> 00:03:33,338
Well, go ahead.

91
00:03:33,380 --> 00:03:34,631
I can't.
Why not?

92
00:03:34,673 --> 00:03:36,800
His daughter goes
to Missy's school.

93
00:03:36,842 --> 00:03:39,011
You are being
ridiculous.

94
00:03:39,053 --> 00:03:41,262
I don't need the world
knowing my business.

95
00:03:41,304 --> 00:03:42,681
Okay, fine.

96
00:03:43,473 --> 00:03:45,142
Hello!
Oh!

97
00:03:45,184 --> 00:03:47,227
Excuse me.

98
00:03:47,268 --> 00:03:48,854
Hi, can I help you?
Yes.

99
00:03:48,896 --> 00:03:51,439
Uh, I need a...
pregnancy test.

100
00:03:51,481 --> 00:03:52,566
NELSON:
Sure.

101
00:03:52,607 --> 00:03:53,650
We have a few options.

102
00:03:53,692 --> 00:03:55,276
Hey, Connie.

103
00:03:55,318 --> 00:03:57,487
Oh, hey, Brenda.

104
00:03:57,529 --> 00:03:59,156
Oh, you-you pick.

105
00:03:59,198 --> 00:04:00,782
Is that a pregnancy test?

106
00:04:01,825 --> 00:04:03,077
Uh, yeah.

107
00:04:03,118 --> 00:04:04,536
(quietly):
It's for me.

108
00:04:04,578 --> 00:04:07,539
Really?
Yes.

109
00:04:07,581 --> 00:04:10,209
I come from a long line
of really fertile women.

110
00:04:10,250 --> 00:04:12,377
My mother had me
when she was 57.

111
00:04:12,419 --> 00:04:13,587
Can you believe it?

112
00:04:13,628 --> 00:04:15,422
I don't think I can.

113
00:04:15,463 --> 00:04:17,049
MEEMAW:
Dr. Sturgis and I
have been dating

114
00:04:17,091 --> 00:04:19,093
for some time and we
really try to be careful,

115
00:04:19,134 --> 00:04:21,636
but you know how it is.

116
00:04:21,678 --> 00:04:23,722
Heat of the moment.

117
00:04:24,556 --> 00:04:26,183
BILLY:
Hi, Mrs. Cooper!

118
00:04:27,559 --> 00:04:28,936
(whispers):
Hi, Billy.

119
00:04:28,977 --> 00:04:30,938
Are you playing
hide-and-seek?

120
00:04:30,979 --> 00:04:33,148
Um, yeah.

121
00:04:33,190 --> 00:04:35,692
Don't tell anybody. Shh.

122
00:04:35,734 --> 00:04:37,194
Bye, Mrs. Cooper!

123
00:04:37,236 --> 00:04:38,486
Oh!

124
00:04:38,528 --> 00:04:41,990
Thank you so much. Bye.

125
00:04:42,032 --> 00:04:43,658
Wish me luck.

126
00:04:45,452 --> 00:04:48,747
It's a bit worn.
But it's fine for a beginner.

127
00:04:51,374 --> 00:04:52,626
(violin screeching)

128
00:04:52,667 --> 00:04:54,544
That was unpleasant.

129
00:04:54,586 --> 00:04:56,630
It just takes some practice.

130
00:04:56,671 --> 00:04:59,049
Very well. When is
my first lesson?

131
00:04:59,091 --> 00:05:01,676
I'm... pretty busy
right now.

132
00:05:01,718 --> 00:05:03,971
But I can give you
this in the meantime.

133
00:05:05,931 --> 00:05:07,724
Anyone Can Play Violin.

134
00:05:07,766 --> 00:05:09,977
They don't set the
bar very high.

135
00:05:11,686 --> 00:05:14,273
MEEMAW:
You know what you need to do?

136
00:05:14,313 --> 00:05:15,774
MARY:
Yes.

137
00:05:17,609 --> 00:05:19,444
How's it going?

138
00:05:19,486 --> 00:05:22,072
MARY:
It'd be a lot easier to pee
if you'd stop talking.

139
00:05:22,114 --> 00:05:23,949
Sorry.

140
00:05:25,659 --> 00:05:27,244
(exhales)

141
00:05:27,286 --> 00:05:29,537
Now it's too quiet.
Say something.

142
00:05:31,372 --> 00:05:33,792
I know you didn't expect this,

143
00:05:33,834 --> 00:05:36,711
and you still might not be,
but...

144
00:05:36,753 --> 00:05:40,048
but if it turns out you are...

145
00:05:40,090 --> 00:05:42,509
I'm here for you.

146
00:05:42,550 --> 00:05:44,928
Thanks, Mom.
(toilet flushes)

147
00:05:44,970 --> 00:05:47,346
You're not the one
I'm worried about.

148
00:05:47,388 --> 00:05:50,017
If I'm pregnant,
George is gonna flip out.

149
00:05:50,058 --> 00:05:52,477
I'm sure he would at first.

150
00:05:52,519 --> 00:05:54,688
Then he would
calm down.

151
00:05:54,729 --> 00:05:58,692
Take a few beers.

152
00:05:58,733 --> 00:06:00,319
Maybe some malt liquor.

153
00:06:00,359 --> 00:06:02,863
I suppose.

154
00:06:02,904 --> 00:06:06,283
(sighs) The truth is,
he and I were both

155
00:06:06,325 --> 00:06:08,118
freaked out
about having twins.

156
00:06:08,160 --> 00:06:10,996
But now I can't imagine
life without them.

157
00:06:11,038 --> 00:06:12,956
Well, see,
there you are.

158
00:06:12,998 --> 00:06:16,918
So, no matter what
that test says,

159
00:06:16,960 --> 00:06:18,879
you're gonna be okay.

160
00:06:18,920 --> 00:06:20,088
You're right.

161
00:06:21,006 --> 00:06:22,549
What's it say?

162
00:06:22,590 --> 00:06:23,675
(sighs)

163
00:06:23,717 --> 00:06:26,594
I'm gonna go
buy that malt liquor.

164
00:06:31,308 --> 00:06:32,976
To get started,
place your violin

165
00:06:33,018 --> 00:06:35,520
in rest position.
Your feet should be together.

166
00:06:35,562 --> 00:06:37,772
Your right arm
should be

167
00:06:37,814 --> 00:06:39,191
over your instrument,

168
00:06:39,233 --> 00:06:41,776
not touching the strings
or the bridge.

169
00:06:43,402 --> 00:06:44,654
Put your left hand...
What are you doing?

170
00:06:44,696 --> 00:06:46,365
What does it look like?

171
00:06:46,405 --> 00:06:49,326
Like you're looking for another
excuse for kids to pick on you.

172
00:06:49,368 --> 00:06:51,703
Now, you are ready
to position your feet.

173
00:06:51,745 --> 00:06:54,164
Zip your feet open
and step forward

174
00:06:54,206 --> 00:06:56,750
with your left foot.

175
00:06:56,791 --> 00:06:58,335
Your feet should...
What are you doing?

176
00:06:58,377 --> 00:06:59,753
I was gonna watch DuckTales,

177
00:06:59,794 --> 00:07:01,629
but this looks funnier.

178
00:07:01,671 --> 00:07:03,882
...procedure for positioning
the violin on your shoulder.

179
00:07:03,924 --> 00:07:06,551
Hold your violin
above the left foot

180
00:07:06,593 --> 00:07:08,845
with the neck
of the instrument pointing up.

181
00:07:08,887 --> 00:07:10,638
Left foot, neck up.

182
00:07:10,680 --> 00:07:12,599
Now rotate the neck
of the instrument

183
00:07:12,640 --> 00:07:15,269
counterclockwise,
so that the neck points

184
00:07:15,310 --> 00:07:16,937
at your left foot.

185
00:07:16,978 --> 00:07:19,940
Oh, boy.
I was right.

186
00:07:19,981 --> 00:07:21,816
Bend your left elbow
so that the violin

187
00:07:21,858 --> 00:07:23,610
rests on your shoulder

188
00:07:23,651 --> 00:07:25,695
and place your head
on the chin rest.

189
00:07:25,737 --> 00:07:28,698
Now try dropping your left hand.

190
00:07:28,740 --> 00:07:30,200
See if you can
hold your instrument

191
00:07:30,242 --> 00:07:32,119
without your hands.

192
00:07:32,160 --> 00:07:34,204
Time yourself at this...
What's going on?

193
00:07:34,246 --> 00:07:37,040
(mumbles):
I'm learning to play the violin.

194
00:07:37,082 --> 00:07:38,875
It's my new favorite show.

195
00:07:38,917 --> 00:07:41,295
Once you feel you have control
of your instrument,

196
00:07:41,336 --> 00:07:44,047
try moving your hands around.

197
00:07:50,971 --> 00:07:52,472
(laughing)

198
00:07:52,513 --> 00:07:54,099
Repeat this procedure
until you can position

199
00:07:54,141 --> 00:07:57,185
your instrument
comfortably and quickly.

200
00:08:02,523 --> 00:08:04,025
He'll just be
another minute.

201
00:08:04,067 --> 00:08:05,235
Thank you.

202
00:08:09,030 --> 00:08:11,491
What's that about?
Oh...

203
00:08:11,532 --> 00:08:14,328
just trying not
to breathe the smoke in.

204
00:08:14,369 --> 00:08:16,037
(chuckles)
Come on.

205
00:08:16,079 --> 00:08:18,498
It already went through
the filter and my lungs.

206
00:08:18,539 --> 00:08:20,875
This stuff is squeaky clean.
(coughs)

207
00:08:20,917 --> 00:08:22,627
Well, still.

208
00:08:22,669 --> 00:08:26,256
He's all yours,
your highness.

209
00:08:26,298 --> 00:08:27,882
(muffled):
All right.

210
00:08:27,924 --> 00:08:29,968
(coughs)

211
00:08:30,010 --> 00:08:32,471
Hey, Mare, what's up?
Other than the big guy. (laughs)

212
00:08:32,511 --> 00:08:34,097
God joke.

213
00:08:34,139 --> 00:08:38,726
Actually, um,
I could use some guidance.

214
00:08:38,768 --> 00:08:40,103
I got some news today,

215
00:08:40,145 --> 00:08:43,064
and I'm not quite sure
how I feel about it.

216
00:08:43,106 --> 00:08:45,442
Of course. Sit.

217
00:08:48,778 --> 00:08:52,531
Well... I am...

218
00:08:52,573 --> 00:08:54,534
um...

219
00:08:54,575 --> 00:08:56,036
with child.

220
00:08:56,077 --> 00:08:57,496
That's wonderful!

221
00:08:57,536 --> 00:09:01,041
Congratulations!
How far along are you?

222
00:09:01,082 --> 00:09:03,084
Uh, could you keep it down
just a little?

223
00:09:03,126 --> 00:09:04,544
I haven't exactly
told George yet.

224
00:09:04,585 --> 00:09:06,754
Got it. And why not?

225
00:09:06,796 --> 00:09:08,215
It is his, right?

226
00:09:08,256 --> 00:09:09,841
Of course.

227
00:09:09,883 --> 00:09:11,550
Apologies.

228
00:09:11,592 --> 00:09:13,428
Hey, I'm a pastor
in a small town.

229
00:09:13,470 --> 00:09:17,224
You wouldn't believe
the juicy things I hear.

230
00:09:18,766 --> 00:09:21,436
This just wasn't
part of our plan.

231
00:09:21,478 --> 00:09:24,147
Well, luckily...
it's part of God's plan.

232
00:09:24,189 --> 00:09:26,233
And let me tell you
about another Mary

233
00:09:26,274 --> 00:09:28,985
who didn't know how to tell
her husband she was expecting.

234
00:09:29,027 --> 00:09:32,239
And her story is way weirder
than yours. (chuckles)

235
00:09:34,782 --> 00:09:37,285
In order to practice this,
move your bow

236
00:09:37,327 --> 00:09:40,539
in a counterclockwise direction.

237
00:09:40,579 --> 00:09:44,084
Keep your hand moving right
with the tip of the bow.

238
00:09:44,125 --> 00:09:45,210
For our next song,

239
00:09:45,252 --> 00:09:46,920
"Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star,"

240
00:09:46,961 --> 00:09:49,964
remember, posture
is our most important thing.

241
00:09:50,006 --> 00:09:51,425
Set, play.

242
00:09:51,466 --> 00:09:53,552
(violin screeching)

243
00:10:01,893 --> 00:10:04,145
(violin playing over TV)

244
00:10:04,187 --> 00:10:06,273
Did you hear that?
I did it!

245
00:10:06,314 --> 00:10:07,774
I don't think you did.

246
00:10:07,815 --> 00:10:11,819
And now we see how
it helps my science.

247
00:10:12,737 --> 00:10:14,155
Hmm.

248
00:10:15,282 --> 00:10:17,158
Hmm...

249
00:10:19,119 --> 00:10:20,287
(groans)

250
00:10:20,328 --> 00:10:22,539
Come on, think.

251
00:10:23,998 --> 00:10:26,501
Probably needs more
"Twinkle, Twinkle."

252
00:10:26,543 --> 00:10:28,002
INSTRUCTOR: ...for
learning new songs.

253
00:10:28,044 --> 00:10:29,837
You can play them
along with me.

254
00:10:29,879 --> 00:10:31,590
(violin screeching)

255
00:10:34,008 --> 00:10:36,219
(screeching continues)

256
00:10:39,097 --> 00:10:40,432
What the hell is that?

257
00:10:40,474 --> 00:10:43,477
Sheldon's learning
to play the violin.

258
00:10:43,518 --> 00:10:45,812
Oh. Well, that's
unfortunate.

259
00:10:45,853 --> 00:10:47,021
Mm-hmm.

260
00:10:47,063 --> 00:10:49,190
I'm gonna go change.

261
00:10:52,152 --> 00:10:55,614
Hey, Dad. Can you believe
I only started playing today?

262
00:10:55,655 --> 00:10:57,865
I really can.

263
00:10:58,783 --> 00:11:00,577
(screeching continues)

264
00:11:09,877 --> 00:11:11,630
Hey, so there's something

265
00:11:11,670 --> 00:11:13,548
I've been meaning
to talk to you about.

266
00:11:13,590 --> 00:11:14,715
Sure, what's up?

267
00:11:14,757 --> 00:11:18,386
Now, before I say it, um,

268
00:11:18,428 --> 00:11:21,473
I want to tell you a story
of another Mary.

269
00:11:21,515 --> 00:11:23,224
Um...
(clears throat)

270
00:11:23,266 --> 00:11:24,809
Okay, anytime...

271
00:11:24,851 --> 00:11:27,354
GEORGE SR.:
Are you kidding me?

272
00:11:27,395 --> 00:11:28,938
Keep your voice down.

273
00:11:28,980 --> 00:11:31,024
(whispers):
Are you kidding me?

274
00:11:31,065 --> 00:11:33,109
Look, I was a little thrown,
too, but Pastor Jeff said...

275
00:11:33,151 --> 00:11:34,861
Pastor Jeff?

276
00:11:34,902 --> 00:11:36,613
Pastor Jeff knows before me?

277
00:11:36,655 --> 00:11:39,407
Well, yeah, I needed
someone to talk to,

278
00:11:39,449 --> 00:11:41,326
and, you know, my mom...
Your mom?

279
00:11:41,368 --> 00:11:44,787
Shh!
Does the whole damn town know?

280
00:11:44,829 --> 00:11:46,914
No. Just my mom and Pastor Jeff.

281
00:11:47,957 --> 00:11:50,251
And maybe Brenda Sparks.

282
00:11:51,211 --> 00:11:53,796
Probably Peg...

283
00:11:53,838 --> 00:11:56,757
and whoever she told,
but that is it.

284
00:11:56,799 --> 00:11:58,092
Oh, is that it?

285
00:11:58,134 --> 00:11:59,594
(knocking on door)
SHELDON: Great news!

286
00:11:59,636 --> 00:12:01,346
Not a good time,
Sheldon.

287
00:12:01,388 --> 00:12:03,056
(knocking on door)
SHELDON: But it's
really important.

288
00:12:03,097 --> 00:12:04,599
Ugh.

289
00:12:06,393 --> 00:12:09,646
I figured out why the violin
worked for Einstein

290
00:12:09,688 --> 00:12:11,189
and not for me.

291
00:12:11,231 --> 00:12:13,650
I need to become
a Jewish person.

292
00:12:19,906 --> 00:12:21,449
MARY: Sheldon, dinner!
SHELDON: Coming.

293
00:12:24,452 --> 00:12:26,787
Sorry I'm late.
Shalom.

294
00:12:28,998 --> 00:12:29,957
(sighs)

295
00:12:29,999 --> 00:12:31,251
What's on your head?

296
00:12:31,292 --> 00:12:34,045
A yarmulke.
A yama-what?

297
00:12:34,087 --> 00:12:35,838
It's a special Jewish hat.

298
00:12:35,880 --> 00:12:38,299
It reminds the wearer
that God is always over you.

299
00:12:38,341 --> 00:12:39,676
(laughing)

300
00:12:39,718 --> 00:12:41,094
Mom.

301
00:12:41,135 --> 00:12:42,845
Oh, come on, it's funny.

302
00:12:42,887 --> 00:12:44,639
It's not funny
and it's not a yarmulke.

303
00:12:44,681 --> 00:12:48,393
It is a coaster I crocheted
at Bible camp.

304
00:12:48,435 --> 00:12:50,270
Are you gonna say
something to him?

305
00:12:50,311 --> 00:12:53,398
Normally I would, but I got
bigger problems right now.

306
00:12:55,816 --> 00:12:57,860
Let's just say grace.
SHELDON: Hold on.

307
00:12:57,902 --> 00:12:59,987
Are these
hot dogs kosher?

308
00:13:00,029 --> 00:13:01,948
(laughing, snorts)

309
00:13:02,990 --> 00:13:05,368
(violin screeching)

310
00:13:05,410 --> 00:13:06,911
ADULT SHELDON:
Over the next few days,

311
00:13:06,953 --> 00:13:08,705
I continued to play the violin

312
00:13:08,747 --> 00:13:11,999
in an effort to replicate
the mental prowess of Einstein.

313
00:13:12,041 --> 00:13:16,003
I was asked to confine
my practice to the garage

314
00:13:16,045 --> 00:13:19,090
by my father, mother,
sister and brother.

315
00:13:19,132 --> 00:13:21,426
Meemaw was fine with me
practicing in the house,

316
00:13:21,468 --> 00:13:23,928
but why would she care?
She doesn't live with us.

317
00:13:25,888 --> 00:13:27,348
Hey, George.

318
00:13:27,390 --> 00:13:29,100
Hey, Herschel.

319
00:13:29,142 --> 00:13:30,685
Let me guess,
you're here to complain

320
00:13:30,727 --> 00:13:32,646
about Sheldon's violin playing.

321
00:13:32,687 --> 00:13:34,355
Under normal circumstances,
I'd say yeah,

322
00:13:34,397 --> 00:13:36,107
but since he started,

323
00:13:36,149 --> 00:13:39,110
my chickens been
dropping eggs like crazy.

324
00:13:39,944 --> 00:13:41,655
That's weird.
Hey, uh,

325
00:13:41,696 --> 00:13:44,157
I hear congratulations
are in order.

326
00:13:44,198 --> 00:13:45,617
What's that you hear?

327
00:13:45,659 --> 00:13:47,952
Maybe I didn't hear it.
Never mind.

328
00:13:47,994 --> 00:13:49,078
It's all right.

329
00:13:49,120 --> 00:13:51,456
Seems like everybody knows.

330
00:13:51,498 --> 00:13:54,000
You don't seem
terribly enthusiastic.

331
00:13:54,041 --> 00:13:55,418
(sighs)

332
00:13:55,460 --> 00:13:57,295
It's the money, Herschel.

333
00:13:57,337 --> 00:13:58,879
It's all about the money.

334
00:13:58,921 --> 00:14:02,216
(sighs) Well, there's only one
solution to that.

335
00:14:02,258 --> 00:14:05,303
Which is?
You got to make more money.

336
00:14:05,345 --> 00:14:07,263
Thank you.
Welcome.

337
00:14:07,305 --> 00:14:10,224
Hey, I got to ask,
did that fiddle playing

338
00:14:10,266 --> 00:14:12,435
increase the fertility
in all the females

339
00:14:12,477 --> 00:14:15,438
around here or just
my chickens? (chuckles)

340
00:14:15,480 --> 00:14:18,024
I was just throwing it
out there, never mind.

341
00:14:18,065 --> 00:14:20,360
Wait here, I'm-a go
get you some eggs.

342
00:14:20,401 --> 00:14:23,154
That's okay.
You're getting eggs.

343
00:14:23,196 --> 00:14:25,406
Guess I'm getting eggs.

344
00:14:25,448 --> 00:14:27,450
PETERSEN:
All right, George,

345
00:14:27,492 --> 00:14:30,870
what's so damn important?
Well...

346
00:14:30,911 --> 00:14:33,414
I don't want to get into
the why's and wherefore's,

347
00:14:33,456 --> 00:14:36,125
but I'm gonna
need a raise.

348
00:14:36,167 --> 00:14:37,794
Is this 'cause Mary's pregnant?

349
00:14:37,836 --> 00:14:39,920
You got to be kidding me.

350
00:14:39,962 --> 00:14:42,256
Does everybody in this damn town
know my business?

351
00:14:42,298 --> 00:14:44,133
I just-- it was taking a guess.

352
00:14:44,175 --> 00:14:46,553
Tom.
My wife told me.

353
00:14:47,721 --> 00:14:49,930
Doesn't matter. What do you say?

354
00:14:49,972 --> 00:14:52,266
Are you threatening to quit
if you don't get it?

355
00:14:52,308 --> 00:14:55,102
No, Tom, I'm threatening
to rob a bank.
Okay.

356
00:14:55,144 --> 00:14:57,063
All right, well,
let's not do that.

357
00:14:58,690 --> 00:15:00,650
$100 a week do the trick?

358
00:15:00,692 --> 00:15:03,862
Yes. Thanks. Bye.

359
00:15:08,366 --> 00:15:09,701
(line ringing)

360
00:15:09,743 --> 00:15:11,118
RECEPTIONIST (over phone):
Temple Judea,

361
00:15:11,160 --> 00:15:12,537
how can I help you?

362
00:15:12,579 --> 00:15:14,288
Hello, I'd like
to become Jewish.

363
00:15:14,330 --> 00:15:16,123
Who would be in charge of that?

364
00:15:16,165 --> 00:15:17,375
How old are you?

365
00:15:17,417 --> 00:15:19,960
I'm ten.
Please hold.

366
00:15:20,002 --> 00:15:22,129
("Hava Nagila" hold music plays)

367
00:15:25,633 --> 00:15:27,926
RABBI: Hello, this is
Rabbi Schneiderman.

368
00:15:27,968 --> 00:15:29,429
To whom am I speaking?

369
00:15:29,470 --> 00:15:31,389
Hello, this is Sheldon Cooper.

370
00:15:31,431 --> 00:15:34,934
Hello, Sheldon.
Um, how can I help you?

371
00:15:34,975 --> 00:15:38,813
I'm currently a Baptist and
I'd like to convert to Judaism.

372
00:15:38,855 --> 00:15:41,441
A Baptist named Sheldon.

373
00:15:41,482 --> 00:15:43,693
Okay.

374
00:15:43,735 --> 00:15:45,361
And why do you want to convert?

375
00:15:45,403 --> 00:15:48,615
Very simple. It's my intention
to become a great scientist

376
00:15:48,656 --> 00:15:51,033
and I couldn't help but notice
most of the great scientists

377
00:15:51,075 --> 00:15:55,329
are Jewish, so logic dictates
it's time to switch teams.

378
00:15:55,371 --> 00:15:56,997
Well, I'm sure there are

379
00:15:57,039 --> 00:15:59,584
many Baptist scientists
you could emulate.

380
00:15:59,626 --> 00:16:01,502
That's kind of you to say,

381
00:16:01,544 --> 00:16:04,046
but other than Cornelis Drebbel
in the 1500s,

382
00:16:04,088 --> 00:16:05,548
it's pretty slim pickings.

383
00:16:05,590 --> 00:16:07,216
(chuckles)

384
00:16:07,258 --> 00:16:10,052
Well, Sheldon, you sound like
a very smart young man.

385
00:16:10,094 --> 00:16:11,805
Oh, you have no idea.

386
00:16:11,846 --> 00:16:14,599
Can I ask how your parents
feel about this?

387
00:16:14,641 --> 00:16:17,059
Well, when I presented them
with my plan,

388
00:16:17,101 --> 00:16:19,228
the words "over my dead body"
were used.

389
00:16:19,270 --> 00:16:20,229
(Rabbi chuckles)

390
00:16:20,271 --> 00:16:22,398
I'm not surprised.

391
00:16:22,440 --> 00:16:24,400
But they were
similarly resistant

392
00:16:24,442 --> 00:16:26,068
when I wanted to get an ant farm

393
00:16:26,110 --> 00:16:27,695
and eventually they came around.

394
00:16:27,737 --> 00:16:31,866
All right, here's what
I'm gonna tell you to do.

395
00:16:31,908 --> 00:16:33,326
Read your Bible.

396
00:16:33,367 --> 00:16:35,161
Already did, cover to cover.

397
00:16:35,202 --> 00:16:37,163
Really?
Quiz me.

398
00:16:37,204 --> 00:16:40,458
No, that's okay, I believe you.

399
00:16:40,500 --> 00:16:43,628
All right, my advice to you

400
00:16:43,670 --> 00:16:46,798
is to stay with the faith
of your parents.

401
00:16:46,840 --> 00:16:49,300
What else you got?
Okay.

402
00:16:49,342 --> 00:16:51,678
Then I'm gonna tell you

403
00:16:51,719 --> 00:16:53,554
to be your own man.

404
00:16:53,596 --> 00:16:56,766
But I want to be a great
scientist like Albert Einstein.

405
00:16:56,808 --> 00:16:57,934
Sheldon,

406
00:16:57,976 --> 00:17:00,186
when your days are over,

407
00:17:00,227 --> 00:17:02,981
God will never ask you,

408
00:17:03,063 --> 00:17:05,483
"Why weren't you Einstein?"

409
00:17:06,693 --> 00:17:09,487
But he might ask you,

410
00:17:09,529 --> 00:17:12,031
"Why weren't you Sheldon?"

411
00:17:16,577 --> 00:17:17,829
(door opens)

412
00:17:20,331 --> 00:17:22,333
What's going on? You all right?

413
00:17:22,375 --> 00:17:25,545
I'm not feeling great.

414
00:17:25,586 --> 00:17:27,005
Is it a pregnant thing?

415
00:17:27,046 --> 00:17:28,840
'Cause I got
some good news on that.

416
00:17:28,882 --> 00:17:31,467
I got a decent raise.

417
00:17:31,509 --> 00:17:33,093
It doesn't matter.

418
00:17:33,135 --> 00:17:34,637
What do you mean
it doesn't matter?

419
00:17:34,679 --> 00:17:36,514
We can pull this off now.

420
00:17:37,431 --> 00:17:40,059
I lost the baby.

421
00:17:42,979 --> 00:17:45,690
Oh.

422
00:17:54,448 --> 00:17:56,158
(sighs)

423
00:17:56,200 --> 00:17:58,536
You're probably relieved, huh?

424
00:17:59,412 --> 00:18:01,455
Actually...

425
00:18:03,499 --> 00:18:05,877
...no.

426
00:18:10,673 --> 00:18:13,009
I love the first three.

427
00:18:13,051 --> 00:18:15,386
Fourth one's a charm, right?

428
00:18:19,599 --> 00:18:21,642
(knocking on door)
SHELDON: Dad?

429
00:18:21,684 --> 00:18:23,978
(knocking on door)
SHELDON: Mom?

430
00:18:24,020 --> 00:18:25,980
(sighs)

431
00:18:26,022 --> 00:18:28,148
Yeah, Shelly? (clears throat)
(door opens)

432
00:18:28,190 --> 00:18:31,485
I just thought you should know
I'm not going to be Jewish.

433
00:18:31,527 --> 00:18:35,406
I'm going to remain the atheist
Baptist you've come to love.

434
00:18:37,075 --> 00:18:39,368
Good to hear.

435
00:18:39,410 --> 00:18:41,161
Are you crying?

436
00:18:41,203 --> 00:18:43,330
(sighs)

437
00:18:43,372 --> 00:18:46,500
Yeah, but don't worry,
everything's okay.

438
00:18:48,586 --> 00:18:50,129
Good.

439
00:18:53,466 --> 00:18:55,301
(exhales)

440
00:18:55,342 --> 00:18:58,304
ADULT SHELDON: Once again,
I brought my mother so much joy

441
00:18:58,345 --> 00:19:01,933
she was moved to tears.
I don't know how I do it.

442
00:19:05,519 --> 00:19:07,021
(intercom beeps)

443
00:19:07,063 --> 00:19:08,606
RECEPTIONIST: Tom,
George Cooper's here for you.

444
00:19:08,648 --> 00:19:10,190
Send him in.

445
00:19:10,232 --> 00:19:12,568
Hey, Tom, you got a minute?

446
00:19:12,610 --> 00:19:14,570
Pretty busy.

447
00:19:14,612 --> 00:19:16,238
Make it quick.

448
00:19:16,280 --> 00:19:19,575
It turns out I don't
need that raise.

449
00:19:19,617 --> 00:19:21,368
What happened,
you win the lottery?

450
00:19:21,410 --> 00:19:23,579
No, no.

451
00:19:28,501 --> 00:19:31,754
Aw, George, I am so sorry.

452
00:19:31,796 --> 00:19:34,590
Well, what can you do?

453
00:19:35,842 --> 00:19:37,426
Listen, I cleared
your raise already,

454
00:19:37,468 --> 00:19:38,928
why don't you just
keep the money.

455
00:19:38,970 --> 00:19:41,055
Oh, no, I couldn't do that.
No.

456
00:19:41,097 --> 00:19:44,100
No, I mean it. It's yours.

457
00:19:45,434 --> 00:19:47,311
Okay.

458
00:19:47,353 --> 00:19:48,938
Thanks. Bye.

459
00:19:51,565 --> 00:19:54,485
Thank you, but I will
no longer be needing these.

460
00:19:54,527 --> 00:19:56,779
You're giving up
so soon?

461
00:19:56,821 --> 00:19:59,448
What happened?
Did it hurt your fingers?
No.

462
00:19:59,490 --> 00:20:02,451
I'm following the advice of
a very wise Rabbi Schneiderman

463
00:20:02,493 --> 00:20:04,244
from Temple Judea in Houston.

464
00:20:04,286 --> 00:20:07,206
Is this another one
of your jokes?

465
00:20:07,247 --> 00:20:09,667
No. If it were a joke,
your mouth would be open

466
00:20:09,709 --> 00:20:13,087
and the sound "ha-ha"
would be coming out.
open