1 00:00:01,335 --> 00:00:02,920 Previously on Young Sheldon... Excuse me. 2 00:00:02,962 --> 00:00:04,129 You Coach Ballard? That'd be me. 3 00:00:04,171 --> 00:00:05,631 My daughter's here to try out. 4 00:00:05,673 --> 00:00:08,049 Come on, I'm not gonna put a girl on my team. 5 00:00:08,091 --> 00:00:09,259 Why not? 6 00:00:09,301 --> 00:00:11,094 She's got pigtails. 7 00:00:11,136 --> 00:00:12,721 You're not even gonna give her a chance? 8 00:00:12,763 --> 00:00:14,640 No. 9 00:00:14,682 --> 00:00:16,809 Hey. Hello. Can I talk to you? 10 00:00:16,851 --> 00:00:18,310 Yeah. 11 00:00:18,352 --> 00:00:20,228 You tell my granddaughter she can't play baseball? 12 00:00:20,270 --> 00:00:22,189 Well, I was just looking out for her, that's all. 13 00:00:22,230 --> 00:00:24,608 Well, we don't need you deciding what's best for her. 14 00:00:24,650 --> 00:00:27,611 Or what? Or you and me are gonna have problems. 15 00:00:28,863 --> 00:00:31,031 We're back! How'd it go? 16 00:00:31,072 --> 00:00:32,324 She made the team. 17 00:00:32,366 --> 00:00:33,826 Congratulations! 18 00:00:33,868 --> 00:00:36,077 And Meemaw got a date with the coach. 19 00:00:36,119 --> 00:00:39,540 What? It was a productive afternoon. 20 00:00:39,581 --> 00:00:40,916 (chuckles) 21 00:00:43,377 --> 00:00:45,086 You sure you don't want me to stay? 22 00:00:45,128 --> 00:00:47,339 You promised you'd take me to RadioShack. 23 00:00:47,381 --> 00:00:49,466 Sheldon, this is a big day for your sister. 24 00:00:49,508 --> 00:00:50,718 I'm fine, Dad. 25 00:00:50,759 --> 00:00:52,051 Come on. 26 00:00:52,093 --> 00:00:54,471 I really don't want to go to RadioShack. 27 00:00:54,513 --> 00:00:57,016 Ah. George. 28 00:00:57,056 --> 00:00:59,142 Dale. Hey, Missy. 29 00:00:59,184 --> 00:01:01,436 Why don't you get out there and start warming up? 30 00:01:01,478 --> 00:01:03,522 Okay. 31 00:01:03,564 --> 00:01:05,315 And you must be Sheldon. 32 00:01:05,357 --> 00:01:07,484 Your grandmother told me all about you. 33 00:01:07,526 --> 00:01:09,444 We're going to RadioShack. 34 00:01:09,486 --> 00:01:11,655 Yeah, she didn't lie. 35 00:01:12,781 --> 00:01:14,324 George, I figure we kind of got off 36 00:01:14,366 --> 00:01:15,868 on the wrong foot the other day. 37 00:01:15,910 --> 00:01:17,745 Don't worry about it. Well, I do worry about it. 38 00:01:17,786 --> 00:01:20,205 I-I'd like to take you out for a beer, 39 00:01:20,247 --> 00:01:21,498 if that would be okay. 40 00:01:21,540 --> 00:01:24,877 It appears Meemaw told him about you, too. 41 00:01:25,920 --> 00:01:28,422 Sounds great. 42 00:01:28,463 --> 00:01:30,549 Have a good practice. Thank you. 43 00:01:32,426 --> 00:01:34,177 It's nice that you're going to socialize 44 00:01:34,219 --> 00:01:36,388 with Meemaw's new boyfriend. I know. 45 00:01:36,430 --> 00:01:38,348 (chuckles): She's gonna hate it. 46 00:01:39,349 --> 00:01:42,477 ♪ Nobody else is stronger than I am ♪ 47 00:01:42,519 --> 00:01:45,313 ♪ Yesterday I moved a mountain ♪ 48 00:01:45,355 --> 00:01:48,067 ♪ I bet I could be your hero ♪ 49 00:01:48,107 --> 00:01:49,818 ♪ I am a mighty little man ♪ 50 00:01:49,860 --> 00:01:54,698 ♪ I am a mighty little man. ♪ 51 00:01:56,951 --> 00:01:58,911 (music playing over speakers) 52 00:01:58,953 --> 00:02:01,162 Hey, Clark. Today's the day. 53 00:02:01,204 --> 00:02:02,247 It's in the back. 54 00:02:02,289 --> 00:02:03,290 I'll go get it. 55 00:02:03,331 --> 00:02:04,625 What's he getting? 56 00:02:04,666 --> 00:02:07,419 A direct-connect 300 baud modem. 57 00:02:07,461 --> 00:02:08,837 How much? 58 00:02:08,879 --> 00:02:10,672 Don't worry, I'm using my allowance. 59 00:02:10,714 --> 00:02:12,758 Plus, Clark gave me a healthy discount 60 00:02:12,800 --> 00:02:14,760 for helping with his application to medical school. 61 00:02:14,802 --> 00:02:16,804 Okay. 62 00:02:16,845 --> 00:02:18,013 What's a modem do? 63 00:02:18,055 --> 00:02:19,640 It allows me to connect my computer 64 00:02:19,681 --> 00:02:21,642 to other computers that also have one. 65 00:02:21,683 --> 00:02:23,310 Why would you need to do that? 66 00:02:23,351 --> 00:02:25,062 So I can share my scientific ideas 67 00:02:25,104 --> 00:02:26,939 with academics all over the world. 68 00:02:26,981 --> 00:02:31,068 It's like the cybernetic version of the Algonquin Round Table. 69 00:02:32,027 --> 00:02:33,278 I don't know what that means. 70 00:02:33,320 --> 00:02:34,780 That's okay, you're still my dad 71 00:02:34,822 --> 00:02:37,156 and I'm genetically obligated to love you. 72 00:02:37,198 --> 00:02:39,200 (cash register beeping) 73 00:02:40,577 --> 00:02:41,954 Missy, how was practice? 74 00:02:41,996 --> 00:02:43,455 So good. 75 00:02:43,497 --> 00:02:45,082 Tell us everything. 76 00:02:45,124 --> 00:02:47,626 The boys were a little mean at first, but I handled it. 77 00:02:47,668 --> 00:02:49,252 Can I warm up with you? 78 00:02:49,294 --> 00:02:51,254 I don't play baseball with girls. 79 00:02:51,296 --> 00:02:53,757 Really? Your friend's playing with one. 80 00:02:53,799 --> 00:02:56,093 (laughing): Ooh! 81 00:02:56,135 --> 00:02:58,804 I am so proud of you. 82 00:02:58,846 --> 00:03:00,347 Well, I'm glad you all had a good day. 83 00:03:00,388 --> 00:03:02,390 Not just them. Guess who 84 00:03:02,432 --> 00:03:03,600 I'm grabbing a beer with. 85 00:03:03,642 --> 00:03:05,769 Your new friend, Dale. 86 00:03:05,811 --> 00:03:07,437 Are you kidding me? 87 00:03:07,479 --> 00:03:09,898 You were right, she's not happy. 88 00:03:11,483 --> 00:03:14,361 INSTRUCTOR: We're gonna do a little combination here. 89 00:03:14,402 --> 00:03:18,157 Here we go. Ready and out, in, up, down... 90 00:03:18,197 --> 00:03:20,701 (phone rings) Out, in, up, down. 91 00:03:20,742 --> 00:03:21,785 Hello. 92 00:03:21,827 --> 00:03:22,911 LISA: Hi, Georgie. 93 00:03:22,953 --> 00:03:24,830 It's Lisa, from English class. 94 00:03:24,872 --> 00:03:26,456 Oh, hey. What's up? 95 00:03:26,498 --> 00:03:28,959 I was wondering if you could help me with our homework. 96 00:03:29,001 --> 00:03:30,544 Crap, we have homework? 97 00:03:30,585 --> 00:03:31,670 (Lisa giggles) 98 00:03:31,712 --> 00:03:33,130 You're so funny. 99 00:03:33,172 --> 00:03:34,506 I think so. 100 00:03:34,548 --> 00:03:35,549 Most people don't. 101 00:03:35,590 --> 00:03:36,466 (modem screeching) 102 00:03:36,508 --> 00:03:38,385 What's that noise? 103 00:03:38,426 --> 00:03:40,054 No idea. 104 00:03:40,095 --> 00:03:42,472 Georgie, I need you to get off the phone. 105 00:03:42,514 --> 00:03:43,974 Hang on, Lisa. 106 00:03:44,016 --> 00:03:46,060 I'm helping someone with their English homework. 107 00:03:46,101 --> 00:03:47,435 I don't have time for jokes. 108 00:03:47,477 --> 00:03:49,563 I need the phone line to connect my modem. 109 00:03:49,604 --> 00:03:50,814 What the hell's a modem? 110 00:03:50,856 --> 00:03:52,566 It links my computer 111 00:03:52,607 --> 00:03:54,902 to an interconnected web of other computers 112 00:03:54,943 --> 00:03:57,320 in order to facilitate the exchange of ideas. 113 00:03:57,362 --> 00:03:59,698 That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard of. 114 00:03:59,740 --> 00:04:01,867 ADULT SHELDON: Sadly, that was not 115 00:04:01,909 --> 00:04:04,119 the stupidest thing he ever said. 116 00:04:04,161 --> 00:04:06,371 INSTRUCTOR (over TV): Lift, lift, squeeze it. 117 00:04:06,413 --> 00:04:08,790 (Italian music playing) 118 00:04:08,832 --> 00:04:10,667 Have you tried the meatballs here? 119 00:04:10,709 --> 00:04:12,544 They are fantastic. 120 00:04:12,586 --> 00:04:15,005 I haven't. But speaking of meatballs, 121 00:04:15,047 --> 00:04:17,257 I hear you're gonna hang out with my son-in-law. 122 00:04:17,298 --> 00:04:18,842 Yeah. 123 00:04:19,801 --> 00:04:21,386 Hmm. 124 00:04:21,428 --> 00:04:22,846 Oh. 125 00:04:22,888 --> 00:04:24,639 You don't like that at all. 126 00:04:24,681 --> 00:04:26,391 No, it's fine with me. 127 00:04:26,433 --> 00:04:27,976 I hope you all go out and... 128 00:04:28,018 --> 00:04:30,020 have a grand old time. Oh. 129 00:04:30,062 --> 00:04:31,855 Yeah, well, what's the matter? 130 00:04:31,897 --> 00:04:34,191 You afraid I'm gonna find out all your secrets? Calm down. 131 00:04:34,233 --> 00:04:36,401 You're enjoying this a little too much. 132 00:04:36,443 --> 00:04:37,903 Enjoying it? I'm loving it. 133 00:04:37,945 --> 00:04:39,905 Look how mad you're getting. 134 00:04:39,947 --> 00:04:41,907 Come on, what's he got on you? 135 00:04:41,949 --> 00:04:43,533 Did you do some jail time? 136 00:04:43,575 --> 00:04:46,494 Were you a go-go dancer? Hmm. 137 00:04:46,536 --> 00:04:50,289 Have you got a tattoo in a naughty place? 138 00:04:53,085 --> 00:04:54,044 Can I see it? 139 00:04:54,086 --> 00:04:56,337 (laughs) 140 00:04:57,589 --> 00:04:59,549 Ooh! Someone responded to a theory I posted 141 00:04:59,591 --> 00:05:01,843 on the physics bulletin board. 142 00:05:01,885 --> 00:05:03,929 He called my work flawed. 143 00:05:03,971 --> 00:05:05,305 That's rude. 144 00:05:05,346 --> 00:05:07,057 Let him know he can't push you around. 145 00:05:07,099 --> 00:05:09,059 That's what I did at baseball practice. 146 00:05:09,101 --> 00:05:11,228 I'd rather not resort to name-calling. 147 00:05:11,270 --> 00:05:14,022 It usually gets me stuffed somewhere uncomfortable. 148 00:05:14,064 --> 00:05:15,565 That's in person, 149 00:05:15,607 --> 00:05:17,067 where people know you're pathetic and weak. 150 00:05:17,109 --> 00:05:18,735 That's true. 151 00:05:18,777 --> 00:05:20,988 This is completely anonymous. 152 00:05:21,029 --> 00:05:22,405 I can say whatever I want 153 00:05:22,447 --> 00:05:24,199 without fear of physical retaliation. 154 00:05:24,241 --> 00:05:25,492 Thanks. 155 00:05:26,493 --> 00:05:28,120 ADULT SHELDON: And on that day, 156 00:05:28,162 --> 00:05:29,913 my sister created 157 00:05:29,955 --> 00:05:32,124 the first Internet flame war. 158 00:05:32,166 --> 00:05:35,585 Ooh, that is as cruel as it is grammatical. 159 00:05:35,627 --> 00:05:37,254 And send. 160 00:05:40,465 --> 00:05:43,302 I tried to call you last night; the phone was busy. 161 00:05:43,342 --> 00:05:45,470 Oh, yeah, that was Sheldon. 162 00:05:45,512 --> 00:05:49,016 Sheldon has friends he talks on the phone with? 163 00:05:49,057 --> 00:05:52,519 Well, his computer was talking to another computer. 164 00:05:52,560 --> 00:05:53,603 Oh. 165 00:05:53,645 --> 00:05:55,230 And the world makes sense again. 166 00:05:55,272 --> 00:05:57,065 GEORGE SR: Morning. 167 00:05:57,107 --> 00:06:00,568 Just a reminder, I'm gonna be late tonight. 168 00:06:00,610 --> 00:06:02,737 Hanging with my new buddy Dale. 169 00:06:02,779 --> 00:06:04,990 Well, I hope you two have fun together. 170 00:06:05,032 --> 00:06:07,826 Oh, we will. So much to talk about. 171 00:06:07,868 --> 00:06:10,245 You better respect her privacy. 172 00:06:10,287 --> 00:06:12,371 (chuckles) Oh, I don't plan on doing that at all. 173 00:06:12,413 --> 00:06:14,041 Don't you need to go to work? 174 00:06:14,082 --> 00:06:16,459 Yes, but I don't want to leave until I know you're upset. 175 00:06:16,501 --> 00:06:19,713 Well, I'm sorry, but I'm not. 176 00:06:21,589 --> 00:06:22,924 Yeah, you are. 177 00:06:22,966 --> 00:06:24,718 Bye. 178 00:06:28,305 --> 00:06:32,851 It's just so easy. All you do is type in the Usenet address: 179 00:06:32,893 --> 00:06:37,480 "sci... dot... theory... 180 00:06:37,522 --> 00:06:40,984 "dot... physics... 181 00:06:41,026 --> 00:06:44,779 "dot... research... 182 00:06:44,821 --> 00:06:47,657 dot... quantum." 183 00:06:47,699 --> 00:06:49,492 Press enter, and it comes right up. 184 00:06:49,534 --> 00:06:51,494 (modem beeping, screeching) 185 00:07:00,212 --> 00:07:02,463 Careful. In WarGames, 186 00:07:02,505 --> 00:07:04,423 Matthew Broderick almost blew up the world. 187 00:07:04,465 --> 00:07:06,260 The only thing I'm gonna be blowing up 188 00:07:06,301 --> 00:07:08,469 is this fellow's flimsy argument. 189 00:07:08,511 --> 00:07:10,013 (modem continues beeping) 190 00:07:10,055 --> 00:07:12,849 That was one of my classic jokes; feel free to laugh. 191 00:07:17,354 --> 00:07:20,274 See? Like magic. 192 00:07:20,315 --> 00:07:23,026 (indistinct chatter, laughter) 193 00:07:23,068 --> 00:07:24,569 Hey. 194 00:07:24,611 --> 00:07:27,530 Uh, why are you dressed like a boy? 195 00:07:27,572 --> 00:07:29,699 I made the baseball team. 196 00:07:29,741 --> 00:07:32,327 Oh, so you are a boy. 197 00:07:32,369 --> 00:07:33,912 (laughter) 198 00:07:35,747 --> 00:07:39,293 (laughter echoing) (heart beating) 199 00:07:39,334 --> 00:07:42,337 (school bell rings) 200 00:07:42,379 --> 00:07:44,298 Get out, I need to change. 201 00:07:44,339 --> 00:07:47,092 You seem upset. I am. 202 00:07:47,134 --> 00:07:49,428 I was right? Good for me. 203 00:07:49,469 --> 00:07:50,720 Just get out. 204 00:07:53,890 --> 00:07:55,683 Wait. 205 00:07:55,725 --> 00:07:57,518 You get picked on all the time. 206 00:07:57,560 --> 00:07:59,146 How do you deal with it? 207 00:07:59,187 --> 00:08:00,772 Who's picking on you? 208 00:08:00,814 --> 00:08:02,482 It doesn't matter, just tell me. 209 00:08:02,523 --> 00:08:05,652 I usually start by telling myself how much smarter I am 210 00:08:05,693 --> 00:08:08,905 than the person who's picking on me, but that won't work for you. 211 00:08:08,947 --> 00:08:10,531 Out. 212 00:08:12,575 --> 00:08:14,244 (knocks on door) Missy? 213 00:08:14,286 --> 00:08:15,996 (scoffs softly) 214 00:08:16,037 --> 00:08:17,664 What? 215 00:08:17,705 --> 00:08:20,041 Sometimes I imagine that I'm an ion with a positive charge 216 00:08:20,083 --> 00:08:21,876 and they're an ion with a negative charge. 217 00:08:21,918 --> 00:08:23,837 It's so that whatever they say bounces off me 218 00:08:23,878 --> 00:08:25,130 and sticks to them. 219 00:08:28,300 --> 00:08:29,508 Hi, Georgie. 220 00:08:29,550 --> 00:08:31,052 Hey. 221 00:08:31,094 --> 00:08:32,887 I like that jacket. 222 00:08:32,929 --> 00:08:34,597 Then you'll probably like my pants; 223 00:08:34,639 --> 00:08:36,557 they're made of the same stuff. 224 00:08:36,599 --> 00:08:37,934 (laughs) 225 00:08:39,311 --> 00:08:41,396 Well, see you in class. 226 00:08:41,438 --> 00:08:43,940 Okay. 227 00:08:54,909 --> 00:08:55,910 Veronica. 228 00:08:55,952 --> 00:08:57,745 Hey, Georgie. 229 00:08:57,787 --> 00:08:59,039 What's up? 230 00:08:59,080 --> 00:09:01,624 We're-we're friends, right? 231 00:09:01,666 --> 00:09:03,168 Yeah. 232 00:09:03,210 --> 00:09:05,337 We're just friends? 233 00:09:06,296 --> 00:09:07,464 What do you mean? 234 00:09:07,506 --> 00:09:08,631 Well, I've asked you out 235 00:09:08,673 --> 00:09:11,259 a bunch and you've made it pretty clear 236 00:09:11,301 --> 00:09:12,969 you weren't interested, 237 00:09:13,011 --> 00:09:14,679 but before I asked out another girl, 238 00:09:14,721 --> 00:09:16,056 I just wanted to make sure that... 239 00:09:16,097 --> 00:09:17,598 It's fine. 240 00:09:17,640 --> 00:09:21,061 You sure? Because if it's not... 241 00:09:21,102 --> 00:09:22,896 Georgie, I need to focus 242 00:09:22,937 --> 00:09:26,316 on my relationship with God right now, 243 00:09:26,358 --> 00:09:29,069 but I'm really happy for you. 244 00:09:30,404 --> 00:09:33,948 Okay. Cool. 245 00:09:35,492 --> 00:09:37,244 Cool. 246 00:09:38,953 --> 00:09:42,749 Well, guess I'll see you around. 247 00:09:44,000 --> 00:09:45,793 Yup. 248 00:10:04,521 --> 00:10:06,814 ♪ ♪ 249 00:10:09,608 --> 00:10:12,612 Well, I-I was married for 18 years and I got to tell you, 250 00:10:12,653 --> 00:10:16,116 those were the two best years of my life. (laughs) 251 00:10:16,157 --> 00:10:19,411 Ah. What's it like, you know, being single at your age? 252 00:10:19,453 --> 00:10:21,162 Why, you thinking about it? 253 00:10:21,204 --> 00:10:23,206 No, no, everything's fine. 254 00:10:23,248 --> 00:10:25,917 Happily married, just, uh, just curious. Yeah... 255 00:10:25,959 --> 00:10:27,544 Come on, now. She's not here. 256 00:10:27,586 --> 00:10:30,964 (laughs) Well, to answer your question, it's just great. 257 00:10:31,005 --> 00:10:33,508 See, I get to wander around my house in my underwear, 258 00:10:33,550 --> 00:10:36,803 and I can make whatever bodily noises I choose 259 00:10:36,844 --> 00:10:38,054 whenever I choose. 260 00:10:38,096 --> 00:10:40,474 Ah. I do that now. 261 00:10:40,515 --> 00:10:42,476 Well, then, you got yourself a keeper. 262 00:10:42,517 --> 00:10:44,436 (both chuckle) 263 00:10:44,478 --> 00:10:47,230 So how'd you wind up coaching baseball? 264 00:10:47,272 --> 00:10:48,773 Well, with the sporting goods store, 265 00:10:48,815 --> 00:10:50,400 you know, I've sponsored a couple of teams, 266 00:10:50,442 --> 00:10:52,110 and then this year, my grandson wanted to play, 267 00:10:52,152 --> 00:10:55,113 so it lets me spend more time with him. 268 00:10:55,155 --> 00:10:57,073 That's nice. Yeah, I coach my son in football. 269 00:10:57,115 --> 00:10:58,450 Sheldon? 270 00:10:58,492 --> 00:11:00,910 (laughs): Oh, God, no. Can you imagine? 271 00:11:00,952 --> 00:11:03,704 You really scared me there for a second. Yeah. 272 00:11:06,583 --> 00:11:09,127 So you're dating my mother-in-law. Oh, no. 273 00:11:09,169 --> 00:11:12,755 Now, did she send you here on a fact-finding mission? No. 274 00:11:12,797 --> 00:11:14,299 No, i-if anything, she's worried 275 00:11:14,341 --> 00:11:16,301 I'm gonna tell you things about her. 276 00:11:16,343 --> 00:11:18,303 Really? Mm-hmm. 277 00:11:18,345 --> 00:11:20,054 Well, I tell you what, why don't we get another drink 278 00:11:20,096 --> 00:11:21,556 and let's get to it? 279 00:11:21,598 --> 00:11:25,560 Would you get this man a bucket of beer here, please? 280 00:11:26,894 --> 00:11:29,606 I'm sorry those girls were so mean. 281 00:11:29,648 --> 00:11:31,441 They didn't just call me a boy. 282 00:11:31,483 --> 00:11:33,360 They wouldn't sit with me at lunch. 283 00:11:33,401 --> 00:11:35,362 No one talked to me at recess. 284 00:11:35,403 --> 00:11:36,863 Aw, baby. 285 00:11:36,904 --> 00:11:38,865 Somebody crossed out "Missy Cooper" in my notebook 286 00:11:38,906 --> 00:11:40,575 and wrote "Mister Cooper." 287 00:11:40,617 --> 00:11:42,118 Well, if that's what they're like, 288 00:11:42,160 --> 00:11:43,953 maybe you don't want them as friends. 289 00:11:43,995 --> 00:11:48,041 I don't think I want to play baseball anymore. 290 00:11:48,082 --> 00:11:51,710 If that's what you want, it's your decision. 291 00:11:53,463 --> 00:11:55,048 (phone ringing) 292 00:11:56,633 --> 00:11:57,925 Hello? 293 00:11:57,967 --> 00:12:00,637 I heard your daughter's playing baseball. 294 00:12:00,679 --> 00:12:02,305 Hey, Brenda. 295 00:12:02,347 --> 00:12:03,390 What were you thinking? 296 00:12:03,431 --> 00:12:05,183 Excuse me? 297 00:12:05,225 --> 00:12:07,185 My Billy's on that team. 298 00:12:07,227 --> 00:12:09,145 Baseball's for boys. 299 00:12:09,187 --> 00:12:10,938 Says who? 300 00:12:10,980 --> 00:12:12,940 Says everyone. It's not ladylike. 301 00:12:12,982 --> 00:12:15,360 Save some pudding for your father! 302 00:12:15,402 --> 00:12:17,111 Aw. 303 00:12:17,153 --> 00:12:19,447 (sighs) Okay, where was I? 304 00:12:19,489 --> 00:12:21,408 You were telling me what was ladylike 305 00:12:21,449 --> 00:12:23,618 and then yelled at your son like a dock foreman. 306 00:12:23,660 --> 00:12:25,828 Listen, I'm just doing you a favor. 307 00:12:25,870 --> 00:12:28,206 The other moms on the team are starting to talk. 308 00:12:28,248 --> 00:12:30,709 Well, maybe the other moms need to mind their own business. 309 00:12:30,749 --> 00:12:32,085 Come on, Mary. 310 00:12:32,126 --> 00:12:34,713 Isn't one weird kid in your family enough? 311 00:12:34,753 --> 00:12:36,506 You going for a record? 312 00:12:39,926 --> 00:12:42,053 You're playing baseball. 313 00:12:42,095 --> 00:12:43,597 But you said it was my decision. 314 00:12:43,638 --> 00:12:45,724 It is. And you're playing. 315 00:12:47,308 --> 00:12:50,270 There you are. (chuckles) Oh, yeah. 316 00:12:50,311 --> 00:12:52,146 Connie's great. 317 00:12:52,188 --> 00:12:54,899 You can have a beer with her, watch a football game, 318 00:12:54,941 --> 00:12:56,610 joke around. 319 00:12:56,651 --> 00:12:58,069 She doesn't mind if you swear. 320 00:12:58,111 --> 00:13:00,821 In fact, that woman's got a mouth on her. 321 00:13:00,863 --> 00:13:03,575 I have noticed that. (laughs): Yeah. 322 00:13:03,617 --> 00:13:06,369 You know, I just realized something. 323 00:13:06,411 --> 00:13:08,455 I got more in common with my mother-in-law 324 00:13:08,496 --> 00:13:09,830 than I do my own wife. 325 00:13:09,872 --> 00:13:11,207 That's kind of creepy. 326 00:13:11,249 --> 00:13:13,627 (laughs): Yeah. (chuckles) 327 00:13:13,668 --> 00:13:15,336 Let's hope the beer does its job 328 00:13:15,378 --> 00:13:17,338 and I don't remember this tomorrow. 329 00:13:17,380 --> 00:13:20,759 Well, hey, tell me something about this guy she was seeing. 330 00:13:20,799 --> 00:13:23,303 Mm. The scientist. 331 00:13:23,344 --> 00:13:25,346 Really? A scientist? Yeah, not with test tubes; 332 00:13:25,388 --> 00:13:29,100 more with arithmetic, thinking and stuff. 333 00:13:29,142 --> 00:13:30,727 Uh-huh. A physicist. There you go. 334 00:13:30,769 --> 00:13:33,354 Yeah. Nice enough fella. 335 00:13:33,396 --> 00:13:35,273 Always reminded me of that cartoon owl 336 00:13:35,315 --> 00:13:36,650 in the Tootsie Pop commercials. 337 00:13:36,691 --> 00:13:39,402 Hmm. Well, why'd they break up? (chuckles) 338 00:13:39,444 --> 00:13:42,238 Uh, you know. 339 00:13:42,280 --> 00:13:43,323 You know, things happen. 340 00:13:43,364 --> 00:13:45,784 Uh-huh. What things? 341 00:13:45,824 --> 00:13:48,453 Eh... Come on, now. 342 00:13:48,495 --> 00:13:51,790 At least tell me if there's something I need to worry about. 343 00:13:51,830 --> 00:13:53,291 Oh, no. Connie's rock solid. 344 00:13:53,333 --> 00:13:55,293 Unless you put on a little weight. 345 00:13:55,335 --> 00:13:57,003 Then you will hear about it. Ah. 346 00:13:57,044 --> 00:13:59,422 Uh, you want to switch to light beer? 347 00:13:59,464 --> 00:14:03,217 Hey. I may have boobs, but I'm still a man. 348 00:14:03,259 --> 00:14:04,594 (laughs) 349 00:14:10,308 --> 00:14:12,811 (modem beeping, screeching) 350 00:14:14,688 --> 00:14:17,982 (gasps) Well, I never. 351 00:14:18,024 --> 00:14:19,734 (phone rings) Hello? 352 00:14:19,776 --> 00:14:21,695 I'm having a scientific argument with someone 353 00:14:21,736 --> 00:14:23,029 and I need your help. 354 00:14:23,070 --> 00:14:25,532 I do love a good science fight. 355 00:14:25,573 --> 00:14:27,992 Has it devolved to name-calling yet? 356 00:14:28,034 --> 00:14:30,578 Yes. I called him a Pongo pygmaeus. 357 00:14:30,620 --> 00:14:32,038 (laughs): Oh! 358 00:14:32,079 --> 00:14:34,040 A Bornean orangutan. 359 00:14:34,081 --> 00:14:38,419 That is a creature who would be very bad at science. Well done. 360 00:14:38,461 --> 00:14:39,671 I know. 361 00:14:39,713 --> 00:14:41,172 So how can I help? 362 00:14:41,214 --> 00:14:42,298 I posted a theory 363 00:14:42,340 --> 00:14:43,800 on the collapse of wave function. 364 00:14:43,842 --> 00:14:45,510 We've been arguing back and forth 365 00:14:45,552 --> 00:14:48,095 and he's saying that my probabilities come out negative. 366 00:14:48,137 --> 00:14:49,597 Hmm. I see. 367 00:14:49,639 --> 00:14:52,183 Have you considered that negative probabilities 368 00:14:52,225 --> 00:14:53,810 can still have meaning? 369 00:14:53,852 --> 00:14:56,979 Ooh, I hadn't. That suggests another idea. 370 00:14:57,021 --> 00:14:58,981 I can argue that negative probabilities 371 00:14:59,023 --> 00:15:01,359 only show up in intermediate steps. 372 00:15:01,401 --> 00:15:03,361 I'm gonna destroy him with this. 373 00:15:03,403 --> 00:15:08,074 And when you do, feel free to call him a Scarabaeus viettei, 374 00:15:08,115 --> 00:15:09,367 a dung beetle. 375 00:15:09,409 --> 00:15:11,911 Oh, I so admire your mind. 376 00:15:11,952 --> 00:15:14,372 Back at you, little man. 377 00:15:17,333 --> 00:15:18,877 Can I top off your coffee? 378 00:15:18,918 --> 00:15:21,045 Well, that's awfully nice of you. 379 00:15:21,087 --> 00:15:23,256 You know me. I'm a pleaser. 380 00:15:23,297 --> 00:15:25,842 You just want to know what I talked about with Dale. 381 00:15:25,884 --> 00:15:27,719 Not really. 382 00:15:28,928 --> 00:15:30,764 I promise you got nothing to worry about. 383 00:15:30,805 --> 00:15:32,348 I didn't say a thing. 384 00:15:32,390 --> 00:15:34,141 Thank you. 385 00:15:34,183 --> 00:15:36,102 So what'd you find out about him? 386 00:15:36,143 --> 00:15:38,271 (chuckles): Oh, I see how this works. 387 00:15:38,312 --> 00:15:40,231 You're damn straight that's how it works. 388 00:15:40,273 --> 00:15:42,316 Now spill. 389 00:15:42,358 --> 00:15:44,402 (chuckles): Well, let's see. 390 00:15:44,444 --> 00:15:46,320 Uh, he likes to drink, 391 00:15:46,362 --> 00:15:47,655 likes to hunt. 392 00:15:47,697 --> 00:15:48,989 Uh, he's got a son who's divorced. 393 00:15:49,031 --> 00:15:51,158 I know all this. Go on. 394 00:15:51,200 --> 00:15:53,536 That's all I got. 395 00:15:54,537 --> 00:15:57,373 You are useless. 396 00:15:57,415 --> 00:15:59,250 When he comes to his senses and dumps you, 397 00:15:59,292 --> 00:16:01,001 I'm gonna stay friends with him. Good. 398 00:16:01,043 --> 00:16:03,671 If he dumps me, he deserves to suffer. 399 00:16:03,713 --> 00:16:05,131 (door closes) 400 00:16:10,386 --> 00:16:11,679 Hey, Dale. 401 00:16:11,721 --> 00:16:13,347 Hey, George. 402 00:16:13,389 --> 00:16:16,434 So, uh, she gonna be okay out there? 403 00:16:16,476 --> 00:16:17,769 Well, I talked to the other coach. 404 00:16:17,811 --> 00:16:19,312 The boys are gonna leave her alone. 405 00:16:20,688 --> 00:16:22,857 Hey, Billy! 406 00:16:22,899 --> 00:16:24,776 You're supposed to be warming up. 407 00:16:24,818 --> 00:16:26,527 I found a worm! 408 00:16:26,569 --> 00:16:28,696 Do you want to coach a baseball team? 409 00:16:28,738 --> 00:16:30,281 (laughs) 410 00:16:30,323 --> 00:16:32,575 You praying? 411 00:16:32,617 --> 00:16:35,369 I'm asking the Lord to watch over my little girl. 412 00:16:35,411 --> 00:16:37,497 Well, while you're at it, ask Him for a win. 413 00:16:37,538 --> 00:16:38,873 I got money on this. 414 00:16:38,915 --> 00:16:41,417 You bet on a kids' baseball game? 415 00:16:41,459 --> 00:16:43,169 I got three to one odds. 416 00:16:44,545 --> 00:16:46,255 ADULT SHELDON: Thanks to Dr. Sturgis, 417 00:16:46,297 --> 00:16:48,800 I had all the intellectual ammunition I needed 418 00:16:48,842 --> 00:16:51,051 to bring my opponent to his knees. 419 00:16:51,093 --> 00:16:52,679 I accused him of conflating 420 00:16:52,720 --> 00:16:55,097 two different interpretations of quantum theory, 421 00:16:55,139 --> 00:16:57,183 woefully misrepresenting Paul Dirac, 422 00:16:57,224 --> 00:16:59,936 and when I called him a dung beetle in Latin, 423 00:16:59,978 --> 00:17:01,771 I was so riled up, 424 00:17:01,813 --> 00:17:05,107 I almost started producing testosterone. 425 00:17:05,149 --> 00:17:07,067 (cheering, applause) 426 00:17:07,109 --> 00:17:08,486 Here she comes. 427 00:17:08,528 --> 00:17:09,612 This is it. 428 00:17:09,654 --> 00:17:11,197 Go get 'em. 429 00:17:11,238 --> 00:17:13,407 (scattered applause, cheering) 430 00:17:13,449 --> 00:17:17,036 Let's go, Missy! Go get 'em, Missy! 431 00:17:37,724 --> 00:17:38,683 Ball. 432 00:17:38,725 --> 00:17:40,935 Whoa. Oh! Dear Lord. 433 00:17:40,977 --> 00:17:42,603 DALE: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. 434 00:17:42,645 --> 00:17:43,521 Hold it. 435 00:17:43,563 --> 00:17:45,147 It happens. She's okay. 436 00:17:45,189 --> 00:17:47,316 Brush it off, Missy! 437 00:17:56,993 --> 00:17:58,828 ♪ ♪ 438 00:18:06,293 --> 00:18:07,461 Ball. 439 00:18:07,503 --> 00:18:08,880 (screams) Whoa! 440 00:18:08,922 --> 00:18:10,757 What the hell? Son of a bitch. 441 00:18:10,798 --> 00:18:12,091 Hey! Hey, hey, hey. Hold it. 442 00:18:12,132 --> 00:18:13,801 We talked about this. 443 00:18:13,843 --> 00:18:15,011 ♪ ♪ 444 00:18:15,053 --> 00:18:16,721 ♪ I been told ♪ 445 00:18:16,763 --> 00:18:19,139 ♪ When a boy kiss a girl ♪ 446 00:18:19,181 --> 00:18:21,475 ♪ She takes a trip around the world... ♪ 447 00:18:21,517 --> 00:18:23,477 Cooper! 448 00:18:24,353 --> 00:18:25,772 Ah, well, here we go. 449 00:18:25,813 --> 00:18:27,982 Eat dirt. Eat it. 450 00:18:28,024 --> 00:18:29,233 Kick his ass! 451 00:18:29,275 --> 00:18:30,359 Does it taste good? 452 00:18:30,401 --> 00:18:31,736 Huh? 453 00:18:31,778 --> 00:18:34,072 Yeah, listen to your meemaw. Kick his ass! 454 00:18:34,113 --> 00:18:37,241 You gonna cry? Huh? Do it. Cry. 455 00:18:37,283 --> 00:18:38,910 Do something. Break it up. 456 00:18:38,952 --> 00:18:40,119 H-Hang on. She's winning. 457 00:18:40,160 --> 00:18:42,538 (pitcher whimpering) MARY: Missy! 458 00:18:42,580 --> 00:18:45,291 Missy Cooper, you stop beating up that boy! 459 00:18:45,332 --> 00:18:47,835 Punch him in the nuts! 460 00:18:47,877 --> 00:18:50,630 ♪ Boys... ♪ 461 00:18:50,671 --> 00:18:53,549 Ooh, the long-awaited rebuttal. 462 00:18:53,591 --> 00:18:56,552 "While I still believe my theory has merit, 463 00:18:56,594 --> 00:19:00,347 I will concede that your point has some validity." 464 00:19:02,016 --> 00:19:04,018 My point has some validity. 465 00:19:04,060 --> 00:19:06,687 My point has some validity! 466 00:19:06,729 --> 00:19:08,188 Yes! 467 00:19:08,230 --> 00:19:09,231 ♪ Talking 'bout boys... ♪ 468 00:19:09,273 --> 00:19:10,399 ADULT SHELDON: That day, 469 00:19:10,441 --> 00:19:11,859 both my sister and I 470 00:19:11,901 --> 00:19:14,988 emerged victorious from savage battles. 471 00:19:15,029 --> 00:19:17,573 Hers fought with fists, mine with words. 472 00:19:17,615 --> 00:19:20,910 What does my point have? Some validity! 473 00:19:22,453 --> 00:19:25,289 Although we were both pretty sore the next day. 474 00:19:28,626 --> 00:19:29,877 GEORGE SR.: Ejected from your very first game. 475 00:19:29,919 --> 00:19:32,505 I'm proud of you, slugger. 476 00:19:32,546 --> 00:19:33,798 Thanks, Dad. 477 00:19:33,840 --> 00:19:35,925 Dairy Queen's on me. To be clear, 478 00:19:35,967 --> 00:19:37,844 we are not rewarding violence. 479 00:19:37,885 --> 00:19:39,553 But I am glad 480 00:19:39,595 --> 00:19:43,223 you didn't let those girls from school bully you into quitting. 481 00:19:43,265 --> 00:19:45,810 I should rub their faces in the dirt. 482 00:19:45,852 --> 00:19:47,311 That's my girl. 483 00:19:47,353 --> 00:19:50,690 (laughs) Someone's getting extra sprinkles tonight. 484 00:19:50,731 --> 00:19:52,817 GEORGE SR. (chuckles): Ooh, hooray for violence. t.