1 00:00:01,376 --> 00:00:03,253 Previously on Young Sheldon... I saw Connie 2 00:00:03,295 --> 00:00:04,755 for the first time since I broke up with her, 3 00:00:04,797 --> 00:00:06,966 and it's making me wonder if she also 4 00:00:07,007 --> 00:00:11,428 is feeling lonely, and I made a bad decision for both of us. 5 00:00:11,470 --> 00:00:13,347 I hate to be the one to tell you this, John, 6 00:00:13,388 --> 00:00:15,808 but she's kind of been seeing someone new. 7 00:00:15,850 --> 00:00:17,392 She seems to be doing okay. 8 00:00:17,434 --> 00:00:20,521 Oh, I hope he gets lost at sea and never returns! 9 00:00:21,647 --> 00:00:23,983 I'm having a lot of feelings. 10 00:00:24,023 --> 00:00:26,694 Hey. Connie. 11 00:00:26,735 --> 00:00:29,279 I thought I'd just, uh... say "hi." 12 00:00:29,321 --> 00:00:31,740 Would it be awkward if I asked her to join us? 13 00:00:31,782 --> 00:00:34,451 Oh, couldn't be any more awkward. 14 00:00:35,870 --> 00:00:37,120 (thunder rumbles) (bird cawing) 15 00:00:37,162 --> 00:00:38,914 ADULT SHELDON: In many ways, 16 00:00:38,956 --> 00:00:41,583 a high school is like an academic house of horrors. 17 00:00:41,625 --> 00:00:43,168 (thunder crackles) 18 00:00:43,210 --> 00:00:44,586 (eerie organ music plays) There's the cafeteria, 19 00:00:44,628 --> 00:00:46,421 which when even freshly cleaned, 20 00:00:46,463 --> 00:00:50,342 maintains a subtle aroma of tater tots and throw-up. 21 00:00:50,384 --> 00:00:52,469 The schoolyard, where one is exposed 22 00:00:52,511 --> 00:00:55,014 to bullying by delinquents and attacks from above 23 00:00:55,055 --> 00:00:57,432 by eye-pecking demons. 24 00:00:57,474 --> 00:00:59,226 (singing) 25 00:00:59,267 --> 00:01:00,602 (electrical buzzing) 26 00:01:00,644 --> 00:01:03,271 But all of these pale in comparison 27 00:01:03,313 --> 00:01:05,858 to the most horrific location of all. 28 00:01:05,900 --> 00:01:09,611 A place teeming with the sweat and secretions 29 00:01:09,653 --> 00:01:12,489 from hundreds of unwashed bodies. 30 00:01:12,531 --> 00:01:15,325 The swimming pool. 31 00:01:15,367 --> 00:01:17,411 Sorry, Sheldon. Water safety is a required 32 00:01:17,452 --> 00:01:19,079 part of your P.E. class. 33 00:01:19,120 --> 00:01:20,956 But other kids use that pool. 34 00:01:20,998 --> 00:01:23,876 It's basically a big bowl of teenager soup. 35 00:01:23,918 --> 00:01:26,754 It's out of my hands. It's a state requirement. 36 00:01:26,795 --> 00:01:29,924 If you don't like it, take it up with your congressman. 37 00:01:29,965 --> 00:01:31,383 I did. 38 00:01:31,425 --> 00:01:32,843 He won't return my calls. 39 00:01:32,885 --> 00:01:34,929 (eerie organ music plays) 40 00:01:34,970 --> 00:01:37,431 Then I guess you're swimming tomorrow. 41 00:01:37,472 --> 00:01:40,768 (sinister laughter) 42 00:01:42,686 --> 00:01:44,772 (thunder crashing) (laughing maniacally) 43 00:01:44,813 --> 00:01:46,690 ADULT SHELDON: Except for the laughter, the glowing eyes 44 00:01:46,732 --> 00:01:50,027 and the lightning, that's exactly how it happened. 45 00:01:50,069 --> 00:01:53,154 ♪ Nobody else is stronger than I am ♪ 46 00:01:53,196 --> 00:01:55,365 ♪ Yesterday I moved a mountain ♪ 47 00:01:55,407 --> 00:01:58,786 ♪ I bet I could be your hero ♪ 48 00:01:58,827 --> 00:02:01,288 ♪ I am a mighty little man ♪ 49 00:02:01,329 --> 00:02:05,375 ♪ I am a mighty little man. ♪ 50 00:02:09,630 --> 00:02:10,589 I'm a little nervous. 51 00:02:10,631 --> 00:02:12,466 You're the first ex-girlfriend 52 00:02:12,507 --> 00:02:14,384 I've ever been friends with. 53 00:02:14,426 --> 00:02:16,762 And you're also my first ex-girlfriend. 54 00:02:16,804 --> 00:02:18,179 And that's because you... 55 00:02:18,221 --> 00:02:21,809 How about you just think of me as your friend? 56 00:02:21,850 --> 00:02:24,937 Okay. Yes, that's good. 57 00:02:24,979 --> 00:02:27,314 So, I understand 58 00:02:27,355 --> 00:02:29,357 you're seeing someone new. 59 00:02:29,399 --> 00:02:31,986 Tell me everything. 60 00:02:32,027 --> 00:02:33,361 No! 61 00:02:33,403 --> 00:02:36,281 I assumed that, uh, as friends, 62 00:02:36,323 --> 00:02:38,700 we could tell each other about our personal lives. 63 00:02:38,742 --> 00:02:42,121 Trust me, John, you-you don't want to hear about these things. 64 00:02:42,162 --> 00:02:43,872 Actually, I do. 65 00:02:43,914 --> 00:02:46,333 Your happiness is very important to me. 66 00:02:46,374 --> 00:02:48,543 Oh, what the hell. 67 00:02:48,585 --> 00:02:50,420 His name is Dale. 68 00:02:50,462 --> 00:02:52,380 He owns a sporting goods store. 69 00:02:52,422 --> 00:02:54,215 And we've only been out a few times, 70 00:02:54,257 --> 00:02:56,384 but so far, so good. 71 00:02:56,426 --> 00:02:58,053 Well, that sounds wonderful. 72 00:02:58,095 --> 00:02:59,429 Good for you. 73 00:02:59,471 --> 00:03:00,764 Thank you. 74 00:03:00,806 --> 00:03:02,390 Now, would you like to hear 75 00:03:02,432 --> 00:03:04,018 about the women I'm dating? 76 00:03:04,059 --> 00:03:05,811 You're dating other women? 77 00:03:05,853 --> 00:03:07,186 (laughs) 78 00:03:07,228 --> 00:03:09,314 Heavens, no. 79 00:03:09,356 --> 00:03:12,484 Come on, Jesus. This is for your birthday. Help me out. 80 00:03:12,526 --> 00:03:16,947 Boy, Sheldon is really worked up about this whole swimming thing. 81 00:03:16,989 --> 00:03:19,158 Don't you think he should learn for his own safety? 82 00:03:19,198 --> 00:03:22,077 You really think he's ever gonna go near a body of water? 83 00:03:22,119 --> 00:03:23,829 Yeah. It's only a matter of time 84 00:03:23,871 --> 00:03:25,455 before someone throws him in one. 85 00:03:25,497 --> 00:03:27,666 Well, break it to him gently. 86 00:03:27,708 --> 00:03:29,250 Wait-- Me? 87 00:03:29,292 --> 00:03:32,171 Swimming's a sport, and you're a sports person. 88 00:03:32,211 --> 00:03:35,090 And he's a mama's boy, and you're his mama. 89 00:03:35,132 --> 00:03:36,884 (sighs) 90 00:03:36,925 --> 00:03:38,385 How about we do it together? 91 00:03:38,426 --> 00:03:39,803 (sighs) 92 00:03:39,845 --> 00:03:42,097 Fine, but you can't hang me out to dry. 93 00:03:42,139 --> 00:03:43,974 Of course not. 94 00:03:44,016 --> 00:03:46,309 We're a team. We're in this together, right? 95 00:03:46,351 --> 00:03:47,644 You bet. 96 00:03:49,354 --> 00:03:51,773 She's gonna hang me out to dry. 97 00:03:54,526 --> 00:03:56,778 ADULT SHELDON: Observation is an important part 98 00:03:56,820 --> 00:03:58,864 of the scientific method. 99 00:03:58,906 --> 00:04:00,991 Darwin observed the finches, 100 00:04:01,033 --> 00:04:03,493 Jane Goodall observed the chimpanzees, 101 00:04:03,535 --> 00:04:05,495 and for some reason, 102 00:04:05,537 --> 00:04:09,166 Dr. Sturgis wanted to observe my meemaw's new suitor. 103 00:04:09,208 --> 00:04:10,792 DALE: Couple days, so... 104 00:04:13,336 --> 00:04:15,463 Excuse me just for one second. 105 00:04:16,215 --> 00:04:19,218 Howdy. Can I help you? 106 00:04:19,259 --> 00:04:21,302 No, no, just browsing. 107 00:04:21,344 --> 00:04:22,679 Yeah, well, 108 00:04:22,721 --> 00:04:24,848 any particular sport you might need that for? 109 00:04:24,890 --> 00:04:26,683 Depends. What the heck is it? 110 00:04:26,725 --> 00:04:28,852 It's a cup. 111 00:04:28,894 --> 00:04:30,812 A cup? 112 00:04:30,854 --> 00:04:33,648 What kind of a cup has holes in it? 113 00:04:33,690 --> 00:04:37,360 Well, it protects your private parts. 114 00:04:37,402 --> 00:04:39,613 Oh. 115 00:04:39,654 --> 00:04:41,573 Well, I can see how 116 00:04:41,615 --> 00:04:42,991 that might be useful. 117 00:04:43,033 --> 00:04:45,577 Well, this has been very informative. 118 00:04:45,619 --> 00:04:46,995 Thank you. 119 00:04:47,037 --> 00:04:49,330 You're welcome. 120 00:04:49,372 --> 00:04:51,166 You just, uh... 121 00:04:51,208 --> 00:04:53,501 If you have any more questions, you let me know. 122 00:04:53,543 --> 00:04:55,378 I certainly will. 123 00:04:57,131 --> 00:04:59,174 All right. 124 00:05:01,468 --> 00:05:04,679 (quietly): Georgie, I want you to keep an eye on that weirdo over there. 125 00:05:04,721 --> 00:05:06,056 GEORGE JR.: I know 126 00:05:06,098 --> 00:05:08,683 that weirdo. He used to date my meemaw. 127 00:05:08,725 --> 00:05:09,935 That guy? 128 00:05:09,977 --> 00:05:12,271 Yeah, he's, like, super smart. 129 00:05:16,191 --> 00:05:18,318 I'm not sure I believe you. 130 00:05:19,653 --> 00:05:21,362 Hey, Dr. Sturgis. 131 00:05:21,404 --> 00:05:22,447 Hello! 132 00:05:22,489 --> 00:05:24,658 Wait. Uh-oh. 133 00:05:24,699 --> 00:05:26,201 (phone rings) Hello. 134 00:05:26,243 --> 00:05:29,204 I may have made a questionable, uh, decision 135 00:05:29,246 --> 00:05:31,081 regarding our friendship. 136 00:05:32,082 --> 00:05:33,583 What have you done, John? 137 00:05:33,625 --> 00:05:35,669 I went to the sporting goods store 138 00:05:35,710 --> 00:05:37,963 to check out your new fella. 139 00:05:38,005 --> 00:05:39,589 Did you speak to him? 140 00:05:39,631 --> 00:05:43,177 Oh, yes. In fact, he sold me an athletic supporter 141 00:05:43,218 --> 00:05:45,053 to protect my genitals. 142 00:05:45,095 --> 00:05:46,972 Good. 143 00:05:47,014 --> 00:05:50,391 You may want to be wearing that next time I see you. 144 00:05:50,433 --> 00:05:52,644 Okay. 145 00:05:52,686 --> 00:05:54,437 (TV playing indistinctly) 146 00:05:54,479 --> 00:05:55,897 Shelly, 147 00:05:55,939 --> 00:05:58,108 can you turn the TV off for a second? 148 00:05:58,150 --> 00:05:59,442 But after this commercial break, 149 00:05:59,484 --> 00:06:01,486 Professor Proton is going to use a candle 150 00:06:01,528 --> 00:06:03,822 to suck a hard-boiled egg into a milk bottle. 151 00:06:03,864 --> 00:06:06,033 We'll make it quick. 152 00:06:06,074 --> 00:06:08,702 Go ahead. 153 00:06:08,743 --> 00:06:10,912 Your father has something to tell you. 154 00:06:12,497 --> 00:06:15,000 Your mother wants you to swim. George! 155 00:06:15,042 --> 00:06:16,459 Mom! 156 00:06:16,501 --> 00:06:18,253 PROFESSOR PROTON: Who's ready to suck eggs? 157 00:06:28,013 --> 00:06:29,514 (grunts softly) 158 00:06:29,556 --> 00:06:32,391 That was the lamest tantrum I've ever seen. 159 00:06:32,433 --> 00:06:35,687 I'm being forced to swim tomorrow in P.E. 160 00:06:35,729 --> 00:06:37,731 Poor baby. You have to play in a pool 161 00:06:37,772 --> 00:06:39,566 instead of sit in a classroom. 162 00:06:39,607 --> 00:06:42,319 A pool of sweat, germs and dead skin cells. 163 00:06:42,361 --> 00:06:44,403 Still better than learning. 164 00:06:44,445 --> 00:06:46,948 Maybe it's time for me to run away from home 165 00:06:46,990 --> 00:06:48,909 and join a traveling math club. 166 00:06:48,950 --> 00:06:50,160 Just pretend to be sick. 167 00:06:50,202 --> 00:06:52,787 But that would be lying. I'm not a liar. 168 00:06:52,829 --> 00:06:54,873 Well, you better be a swimmer. 169 00:06:54,915 --> 00:06:56,624 Or a drowner. 170 00:06:56,666 --> 00:06:58,585 (sighs) 171 00:07:06,676 --> 00:07:08,095 Ugh! 172 00:07:08,136 --> 00:07:10,513 FEMALE VOICE: Why don't you like me? 173 00:07:10,555 --> 00:07:12,766 You're full of bacteria. 174 00:07:12,807 --> 00:07:16,603 So are you, but you don't hear me saying, "Ugh." It's rude. 175 00:07:16,644 --> 00:07:19,273 Look, I may just be pool water, 176 00:07:19,314 --> 00:07:21,816 but I still have feelings. 177 00:07:21,858 --> 00:07:23,443 Sorry, water. 178 00:07:23,484 --> 00:07:24,611 Come on. 179 00:07:24,652 --> 00:07:27,072 My pH level is 7.4, 180 00:07:27,114 --> 00:07:29,157 and with three parts per million of chlorine, 181 00:07:29,199 --> 00:07:31,368 I'm cleaner than your daddy's plate 182 00:07:31,410 --> 00:07:32,660 after Thanksgiving dinner. 183 00:07:32,702 --> 00:07:35,080 Wow. That's pretty clean. 184 00:07:35,122 --> 00:07:38,375 Look how clear I am, Sheldon. 185 00:07:38,417 --> 00:07:42,254 You can see all the way to the bottom. 186 00:07:43,462 --> 00:07:45,840 Closer. 187 00:07:48,843 --> 00:07:51,596 A little closer. 188 00:07:53,223 --> 00:07:55,225 (whispering): A little closer. 189 00:07:57,978 --> 00:07:59,313 Gotcha! 190 00:07:59,354 --> 00:08:01,815 Pool monster! (panting) 191 00:08:01,856 --> 00:08:03,650 (Sheldon coughs) 192 00:08:03,691 --> 00:08:05,568 I don't feel well. 193 00:08:05,610 --> 00:08:07,112 What's wrong, baby? 194 00:08:07,154 --> 00:08:09,781 I don't know. I just feel awful. 195 00:08:09,823 --> 00:08:12,159 Well, there is something going around. 196 00:08:12,200 --> 00:08:14,411 Billy Sparks got some kind of bug. 197 00:08:14,453 --> 00:08:18,873 That is consistent with what I said. Good. 198 00:08:18,915 --> 00:08:21,001 (coughs) You're staying home today. 199 00:08:21,042 --> 00:08:23,878 I'll go make you some tea. 200 00:08:25,880 --> 00:08:28,091 Welcome to the dark side. 201 00:08:34,389 --> 00:08:36,224 Mom says you're sick. 202 00:08:36,266 --> 00:08:37,558 (whispers): He's faking. 203 00:08:37,600 --> 00:08:40,354 Really? 204 00:08:40,395 --> 00:08:41,396 (door closes) 205 00:08:41,438 --> 00:08:43,731 Why? You love school. 206 00:08:43,773 --> 00:08:45,150 Swim test. 207 00:08:45,192 --> 00:08:46,526 Oh, sure. You would die. 208 00:08:46,567 --> 00:08:47,902 If you're gonna do this, 209 00:08:47,944 --> 00:08:49,404 let me give you some pointers. 210 00:08:49,446 --> 00:08:51,281 You've done this before? 211 00:08:51,323 --> 00:08:52,991 Tell him. 212 00:08:53,033 --> 00:08:54,409 Oh, he's the master. 213 00:08:54,451 --> 00:08:56,453 He coached me through my last two... 214 00:08:56,495 --> 00:08:58,913 (hoarsely): sore throats. 215 00:08:58,955 --> 00:09:01,291 I slept on the couch during those. 216 00:09:01,333 --> 00:09:02,542 I know. 217 00:09:02,583 --> 00:09:04,044 GEORGE JR.: First of all, 218 00:09:04,085 --> 00:09:06,213 you got to cough even when Mom's not in the room. 219 00:09:06,254 --> 00:09:07,506 Got it. 220 00:09:07,547 --> 00:09:09,757 (coughing) 221 00:09:09,799 --> 00:09:11,885 And don't put the thermometer in the tea. 222 00:09:11,926 --> 00:09:14,179 114 fever is a giveaway. 223 00:09:14,221 --> 00:09:16,681 Smart. Told you. 224 00:09:16,723 --> 00:09:18,641 Oh, don't be afraid to let her look in your throat. 225 00:09:18,683 --> 00:09:20,227 She's checking to see if it's red, 226 00:09:20,268 --> 00:09:21,602 but it's always red. 227 00:09:21,644 --> 00:09:23,188 You are good. 228 00:09:23,230 --> 00:09:25,857 Here, try spitting up a little phlegm. 229 00:09:27,734 --> 00:09:30,445 (clearing throat, sniffing) 230 00:09:31,821 --> 00:09:33,698 (spits) 231 00:09:33,740 --> 00:09:34,991 We got work to do. 232 00:09:35,033 --> 00:09:37,285 I'm sure he'll feel better tomorrow. 233 00:09:37,327 --> 00:09:39,787 And you can send any homework that he needs to do 234 00:09:39,829 --> 00:09:40,955 with his brother. 235 00:09:40,997 --> 00:09:42,290 Thank you. 236 00:09:44,584 --> 00:09:46,545 Doesn't this all seem a little convenient? 237 00:09:46,586 --> 00:09:48,338 You think he's faking it? 238 00:09:48,380 --> 00:09:50,090 Today's the swim test. 239 00:09:50,131 --> 00:09:52,967 It's pretty suspicious. 240 00:09:53,009 --> 00:09:55,636 Sheldon just coughed up something gross in a tissue. 241 00:09:55,678 --> 00:09:56,721 See? 242 00:09:56,763 --> 00:09:58,806 And that's why he's staying home. 243 00:09:58,848 --> 00:10:01,351 (scoffs) Mary, come on. 244 00:10:01,393 --> 00:10:03,478 No, I am not changing my mind. My little boy 245 00:10:03,520 --> 00:10:05,355 is not a liar. 246 00:10:09,484 --> 00:10:11,152 Connie Tucker? 247 00:10:11,194 --> 00:10:12,695 Yeah. Here you go. 248 00:10:12,737 --> 00:10:15,323 Well, thank you. You're welcome. 249 00:10:15,365 --> 00:10:16,908 Hmm. 250 00:10:21,371 --> 00:10:23,248 "I overstepped 251 00:10:23,290 --> 00:10:24,624 "the bounds of friendship. 252 00:10:24,665 --> 00:10:26,293 "Sorry. 253 00:10:26,334 --> 00:10:28,878 John." (phone rings) 254 00:10:28,920 --> 00:10:30,297 Hello? 255 00:10:30,338 --> 00:10:32,173 So, why in the hell would your ex-boyfriend 256 00:10:32,215 --> 00:10:34,384 send me a giant cookie? 257 00:10:39,264 --> 00:10:41,475 MARY: My little boy is not a liar. 258 00:10:41,516 --> 00:10:43,560 My little boy is not a liar. 259 00:10:45,812 --> 00:10:47,897 You don't have a temperature. 260 00:10:47,939 --> 00:10:50,442 That's good. You want to get comfy on the couch 261 00:10:50,484 --> 00:10:52,486 and watch your Star Trek tapes? 262 00:10:53,445 --> 00:10:54,821 No, thank you. 263 00:10:55,947 --> 00:10:58,741 I know what'll make you feel better. 264 00:10:59,826 --> 00:11:02,870 ♪ Soft kitty, warm kitty ♪ 265 00:11:02,912 --> 00:11:04,998 ♪ Little ball of fur ♪ 266 00:11:05,039 --> 00:11:07,334 ♪ Happy kitty ♪ 267 00:11:07,375 --> 00:11:08,751 ♪ Sleepy kitty ♪ 268 00:11:08,793 --> 00:11:11,796 ♪ Purr, purr, purr ♪ 269 00:11:11,838 --> 00:11:14,508 ♪ Soft liar, warm liar ♪ 270 00:11:14,549 --> 00:11:18,052 ♪ Little ball of fib ♪ 271 00:11:18,094 --> 00:11:20,805 ♪ Happy liar, sleepy liar ♪ 272 00:11:20,847 --> 00:11:24,058 ♪ Fib, fib, fib. ♪ 273 00:11:26,227 --> 00:11:27,145 Feel better? 274 00:11:27,187 --> 00:11:29,356 Uh-uh. 275 00:11:32,275 --> 00:11:34,027 Really? 276 00:11:34,068 --> 00:11:35,570 Cooper's out sick? 277 00:11:35,612 --> 00:11:36,988 What a baby. 278 00:11:37,030 --> 00:11:39,782 Really? Cooper's out sick? 279 00:11:39,824 --> 00:11:41,326 Oh, baby! 280 00:11:41,368 --> 00:11:43,036 (chuckles) Hallelujah! 281 00:11:43,077 --> 00:11:45,580 Happy birthday to me. 282 00:11:45,622 --> 00:11:48,500 MARY: Shelly, I'm gonna run 283 00:11:48,542 --> 00:11:51,545 to the grocery store real quick so I can make you some soup. 284 00:11:51,586 --> 00:11:54,130 Okay. 285 00:11:54,172 --> 00:11:56,466 ADULT SHELDON: I had lied to my mother and gotten away with it. 286 00:11:56,508 --> 00:11:59,469 The guilt was more than I could take. (door closes) 287 00:12:01,012 --> 00:12:03,390 I had to make this right. 288 00:12:03,431 --> 00:12:06,434 I could confess and break my mother's heart, 289 00:12:06,476 --> 00:12:09,688 or I could turn my lie into the truth 290 00:12:09,728 --> 00:12:11,648 and actually get myself sick. 291 00:12:12,566 --> 00:12:14,401 Hi, Sheldon. 292 00:12:14,442 --> 00:12:16,695 Hello, Billy. I hear you're not feeling well. 293 00:12:16,735 --> 00:12:18,737 (sniffles) I'm not. I have a cold. 294 00:12:18,779 --> 00:12:20,407 That's too bad. 295 00:12:20,448 --> 00:12:22,116 Put her there. 296 00:12:23,826 --> 00:12:25,161 Why? 297 00:12:25,203 --> 00:12:26,996 Just shake my hand, Billy. 298 00:12:27,038 --> 00:12:29,207 But my mom says that's how germs get spread. 299 00:12:29,249 --> 00:12:30,333 I know. You do? 300 00:12:30,375 --> 00:12:32,085 When did you talk to my mom? 301 00:12:32,126 --> 00:12:33,253 Just, eh... 302 00:12:33,961 --> 00:12:35,754 (sputters) 303 00:12:35,796 --> 00:12:37,840 Ugh! 304 00:12:37,882 --> 00:12:39,509 Wait, want to play? 305 00:12:40,427 --> 00:12:42,596 Aw. 306 00:12:48,268 --> 00:12:51,312 Ooh, is that for your patient? 307 00:12:51,354 --> 00:12:52,480 Yes. 308 00:12:52,522 --> 00:12:54,065 He's still under the weather. 309 00:12:54,107 --> 00:12:56,067 Oh, that's too bad. 310 00:12:56,109 --> 00:12:57,985 Running a fever? 311 00:12:58,027 --> 00:12:59,571 No. 312 00:12:59,613 --> 00:13:00,779 Sniffly nose? 313 00:13:00,821 --> 00:13:02,490 No. 314 00:13:02,532 --> 00:13:04,075 But he couldn't even 315 00:13:04,117 --> 00:13:06,286 bring himself to watch his Star Trek show. 316 00:13:06,327 --> 00:13:08,538 Oh, dear. I better go call an ambulance. 317 00:13:08,580 --> 00:13:09,788 You're not funny. 318 00:13:09,830 --> 00:13:11,708 And he ain't sick. 319 00:13:14,461 --> 00:13:16,879 Cheers. Cheers. 320 00:13:16,921 --> 00:13:18,839 (chuckles) Mm. 321 00:13:18,881 --> 00:13:21,384 (exhales) Now, don't fill up on those. 322 00:13:21,426 --> 00:13:23,844 We still got two giant cookies to finish. (chuckles) 323 00:13:23,886 --> 00:13:26,055 I'm sorry about all that stuff with John. 324 00:13:26,097 --> 00:13:28,391 I... He means well, but sometimes 325 00:13:28,433 --> 00:13:31,478 he can just be, uh... a little quirky. 326 00:13:31,519 --> 00:13:33,354 Yeah, I kind of figured that; yeah, I watched him 327 00:13:33,396 --> 00:13:35,482 play ping-pong with his own crotch. 328 00:13:35,523 --> 00:13:39,068 I don't know what that is, but I'm sure he did it. 329 00:13:39,110 --> 00:13:41,028 Well, I mean, how'd you meet this guy? 330 00:13:41,070 --> 00:13:43,114 What, did you try to steal his pot of gold 331 00:13:43,156 --> 00:13:44,407 at the end of the rainbow? 332 00:13:44,449 --> 00:13:48,202 Okay, okay, he's a very sweet man. 333 00:13:48,244 --> 00:13:50,789 Well, I bet he is. 334 00:13:50,829 --> 00:13:52,831 If you must know, 335 00:13:52,873 --> 00:13:55,502 he's Sheldon's college professor. 336 00:13:55,543 --> 00:13:57,712 Smart, short and weird-- 337 00:13:57,754 --> 00:13:59,046 well, that's the whole package 338 00:13:59,088 --> 00:14:00,715 right there. Hey, okay, 339 00:14:00,757 --> 00:14:01,924 that's enough. 340 00:14:03,510 --> 00:14:05,512 Well, I got to ask. 341 00:14:05,553 --> 00:14:07,846 Do you feel like you're dating 342 00:14:07,888 --> 00:14:10,975 a supermodel right now? 343 00:14:15,854 --> 00:14:18,065 You didn't touch your soup, baby. 344 00:14:19,150 --> 00:14:20,735 I'm not hungry. 345 00:14:20,777 --> 00:14:22,362 You aren't feelin' any better? 346 00:14:25,114 --> 00:14:26,783 Well, it'll be in the fridge 347 00:14:26,825 --> 00:14:28,909 if you change your mind. 348 00:14:33,790 --> 00:14:35,249 (sighs) 349 00:14:35,291 --> 00:14:36,959 BATMAN: Young man. 350 00:14:37,001 --> 00:14:38,545 Yes, you. 351 00:14:39,546 --> 00:14:41,172 Pretending to be sick. 352 00:14:41,214 --> 00:14:43,383 You should be ashamed of yourself! 353 00:14:43,424 --> 00:14:45,552 But I was afraid to go in the pool. 354 00:14:45,593 --> 00:14:46,678 You are in a pool. 355 00:14:46,720 --> 00:14:48,555 A pool of your own deceit. 356 00:14:49,430 --> 00:14:50,849 If my mother were alive, 357 00:14:50,890 --> 00:14:53,810 I'd never lie to her. 358 00:14:53,852 --> 00:14:57,146 And I'd always eat her soup. 359 00:14:57,188 --> 00:14:59,357 My grandson's trying to steal home, 360 00:14:59,399 --> 00:15:01,776 and he trips and he falls and lands face-first 361 00:15:01,818 --> 00:15:04,654 on the plate, lost a tooth, we won the game. 362 00:15:04,696 --> 00:15:06,113 Get this. 363 00:15:07,114 --> 00:15:09,909 He finds the tooth two days later... 364 00:15:09,950 --> 00:15:12,704 when he goes to the bathroom. 365 00:15:12,746 --> 00:15:14,247 (laughing) 366 00:15:16,040 --> 00:15:17,958 (snorts) 367 00:15:18,000 --> 00:15:19,669 That's it? 368 00:15:19,711 --> 00:15:20,795 You don't understand. 369 00:15:20,837 --> 00:15:21,838 He found the tooth... 370 00:15:21,880 --> 00:15:23,339 I got it. 371 00:15:23,381 --> 00:15:24,924 What's going on? You okay? 372 00:15:24,965 --> 00:15:26,467 Actually, no. 373 00:15:26,509 --> 00:15:29,220 I don't like the way you've been talkin' about John. 374 00:15:29,262 --> 00:15:31,681 I was kidding around. 375 00:15:31,723 --> 00:15:33,015 Well, it bothered me. 376 00:15:33,057 --> 00:15:34,934 Wait a minute, hold it, hold, hold, hold. 377 00:15:34,975 --> 00:15:38,396 Your weirdo ex comes sneaking around, checking me out, 378 00:15:38,438 --> 00:15:40,440 and all of a sudden, I'm the bad guy here? 379 00:15:40,481 --> 00:15:42,108 You don't get to call him a weirdo. 380 00:15:42,149 --> 00:15:43,818 You don't think he's a weirdo? 381 00:15:43,860 --> 00:15:44,819 Of course he's a weirdo. 382 00:15:44,861 --> 00:15:46,362 You just can't say it. 383 00:15:46,404 --> 00:15:49,532 Oh, I didn't think it was that big a deal. 384 00:15:49,574 --> 00:15:51,367 Well, it is. He and I 385 00:15:51,409 --> 00:15:53,578 are friends, and if you don't stop makin' fun of him, 386 00:15:53,620 --> 00:15:55,413 you and I are gonna have a problem. 387 00:15:55,455 --> 00:15:58,625 Are you saying that I'm being naughty, 388 00:15:58,666 --> 00:16:02,336 and you're threatening to punish me? 389 00:16:02,378 --> 00:16:05,298 'Cause I might like that. 390 00:16:05,339 --> 00:16:07,675 Uh-huh. 391 00:16:07,717 --> 00:16:10,303 See, you're tryin' to be mad at me and you can't. 392 00:16:11,679 --> 00:16:14,098 Now you are getting punished. 393 00:16:14,140 --> 00:16:15,391 Check, please! 394 00:16:17,435 --> 00:16:18,812 Mom. 395 00:16:18,853 --> 00:16:20,814 Oh, baby. 396 00:16:20,855 --> 00:16:22,398 What are you doing out of bed? 397 00:16:22,440 --> 00:16:25,067 I don't need to be in bed. 398 00:16:25,109 --> 00:16:26,820 I'm not sick. 399 00:16:26,861 --> 00:16:27,737 What? 400 00:16:27,779 --> 00:16:29,823 I lied to you 401 00:16:29,864 --> 00:16:32,241 so that I wouldn't have to take the swim test. 402 00:16:32,283 --> 00:16:33,326 You lied? 403 00:16:33,367 --> 00:16:35,411 I feel terrible about it. 404 00:16:35,453 --> 00:16:38,247 Well, you should feel terrible. 405 00:16:38,289 --> 00:16:39,749 I trusted you. 406 00:16:39,791 --> 00:16:41,542 I'm sorry. It's just that I was so afraid 407 00:16:41,584 --> 00:16:43,085 to get in that pool, so I let Georgie 408 00:16:43,127 --> 00:16:44,462 and Missy teach me how to fake it. 409 00:16:44,504 --> 00:16:45,839 They said it was easy, but it's wasn't. 410 00:16:45,880 --> 00:16:47,674 It really wasn't. 411 00:16:47,715 --> 00:16:49,467 Georgie and Missy taught you how to do this? 412 00:16:49,509 --> 00:16:52,011 I cannot tell a lie-- they sure did! 413 00:16:52,052 --> 00:16:55,515 Okay, calm down. 414 00:16:55,556 --> 00:16:58,351 Now, you listen to me, you shouldn't have lied. 415 00:16:58,392 --> 00:17:01,061 It's always wrong. 416 00:17:01,103 --> 00:17:04,565 But you made up for it by telling me the truth. 417 00:17:04,607 --> 00:17:06,108 So, you forgive me? 418 00:17:06,150 --> 00:17:07,610 I do, but... 419 00:17:07,652 --> 00:17:09,320 I need you to do me a favor. 420 00:17:09,362 --> 00:17:12,699 As far as your father is concerned, you were sick. 421 00:17:12,740 --> 00:17:13,992 Isn't that lying? 422 00:17:14,032 --> 00:17:15,702 Honestly? 423 00:17:15,743 --> 00:17:17,161 No. 424 00:17:21,207 --> 00:17:22,542 ADULT SHELDON: The following day, I returned to school. 425 00:17:22,583 --> 00:17:24,210 I had no choice but to fulfill 426 00:17:24,251 --> 00:17:25,879 my swimming requirement. 427 00:17:25,920 --> 00:17:27,380 Much like Batman, 428 00:17:27,421 --> 00:17:30,800 I suited up and faced my fears. 429 00:17:30,842 --> 00:17:32,886 Unlike Batman, I did it with a doggy-paddle 430 00:17:32,927 --> 00:17:35,095 across the shallow end of the pool. 431 00:17:35,137 --> 00:17:36,973 Uh, regarding pool sanitation, 432 00:17:37,015 --> 00:17:38,558 it turned out I was right. 433 00:17:38,599 --> 00:17:39,767 It was teeming with germs. 434 00:17:39,809 --> 00:17:41,936 Only I was the one 435 00:17:41,978 --> 00:17:43,187 who put them there. 436 00:17:43,229 --> 00:17:44,480 As it happens, 437 00:17:44,522 --> 00:17:45,773 my interaction with Billy Sparks 438 00:17:45,815 --> 00:17:47,107 did get me sick. 439 00:17:47,149 --> 00:17:50,570 I, in turn, created a small epidemic 440 00:17:50,611 --> 00:17:54,448 taking down 128 students, 441 00:17:54,490 --> 00:17:55,867 four teachers... 442 00:17:55,909 --> 00:17:57,493 and one principal. 443 00:17:57,535 --> 00:17:58,661 It didn't stop there. 444 00:17:58,703 --> 00:18:01,205 I also infected my mother, 445 00:18:01,247 --> 00:18:02,540 father, 446 00:18:02,582 --> 00:18:03,624 sister, brother, 447 00:18:03,666 --> 00:18:04,667 Meemaw... 448 00:18:04,709 --> 00:18:06,878 and Meemaw's friend Dale. 449 00:18:06,920 --> 00:18:08,922 The newly established boundaries of friendship 450 00:18:08,963 --> 00:18:11,257 helped keep Dr. Sturgis healthy. 451 00:18:11,298 --> 00:18:13,259 However, in an unrelated incident, 452 00:18:13,300 --> 00:18:15,887 he crashed his bike into some garbage cans. 453 00:18:15,929 --> 00:18:21,183 Luckily, he landed on his recently acquired athletic cup. 454 00:18:21,225 --> 00:18:23,436 STURGIS: That was a wise purchase. acquired athletic cup.