1
00:00:01,418 --> 00:00:02,419
Previously on Young Sheldon...

2
00:00:02,461 --> 00:00:03,963
Who are you?
I'm Paige.

3
00:00:04,003 --> 00:00:06,381
A unique child can require
a lot of attention.

4
00:00:06,423 --> 00:00:07,925
Try all the attention.

5
00:00:07,967 --> 00:00:10,093
Barry and I haven't been
in a good place in a long time.

6
00:00:10,135 --> 00:00:13,305
This is oddly reminiscent
of a dinner with my family.

7
00:00:13,347 --> 00:00:15,891
Do you think Stone Age parents
stayed together forever?

8
00:00:15,933 --> 00:00:18,018
They had to. There
were no lawyers.

9
00:00:18,059 --> 00:00:20,646
Well, I think my parents
are getting a divorce.
Why?

10
00:00:20,688 --> 00:00:21,897
They fight
all the time.

11
00:00:21,939 --> 00:00:24,274
About what?
Mostly me.

12
00:00:24,316 --> 00:00:26,819
I guess I'm lucky.
Why?

13
00:00:26,861 --> 00:00:29,822
I'm the glue that holds
our family together.

14
00:00:34,326 --> 00:00:36,077
No more coffee?

15
00:00:36,119 --> 00:00:37,078
Last cup.

16
00:00:37,120 --> 00:00:38,413
Well, you mind making more?

17
00:00:38,455 --> 00:00:40,081
I just sat down.

18
00:00:40,123 --> 00:00:41,876
But you finished the pot.

19
00:00:41,917 --> 00:00:43,836
George, if I wanted
to make a cup of coffee,

20
00:00:43,878 --> 00:00:45,420
I'd have stayed at my house.

21
00:00:46,463 --> 00:00:47,756
Mmm.

22
00:00:47,798 --> 00:00:49,758
One day I'm gonna put you
in a home,

23
00:00:49,800 --> 00:00:51,719
and I'm gonna smile
just like that.

24
00:00:51,760 --> 00:00:53,136
That's fine.

25
00:00:53,178 --> 00:00:55,055
By then I won't know
who you are anyway.

26
00:00:56,015 --> 00:00:58,433
Guess who is getting a divorce.

27
00:00:58,475 --> 00:01:00,728
About time. Congrats.

28
00:01:00,769 --> 00:01:03,522
Linda and Barry Swanson.

29
00:01:03,564 --> 00:01:05,733
Who's that? A-And can you
tell me how to make coffee?

30
00:01:05,774 --> 00:01:08,819
They're Paige's parents.
Who?

31
00:01:08,861 --> 00:01:10,362
The little smart girl.

32
00:01:10,404 --> 00:01:13,782
Apparently she's taking
the divorce really hard.

33
00:01:13,824 --> 00:01:16,076
I guess she's been having
trouble in school.

34
00:01:16,117 --> 00:01:17,536
Aw, poor thing.

35
00:01:17,578 --> 00:01:20,039
Linda thinks Sheldon
might be a good influence,

36
00:01:20,080 --> 00:01:22,249
you know, maybe rub off
on her a little bit.

37
00:01:22,290 --> 00:01:25,878
What, she wants her kid
to be more like Sheldon?

38
00:01:25,920 --> 00:01:28,255
I don't know what
to say about that.

39
00:01:28,296 --> 00:01:30,674
So, good news.

40
00:01:30,716 --> 00:01:33,719
Paige is gonna
spend the weekend with us.

41
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ADULT SHELDON:
My history with Paige

42
00:01:35,220 --> 00:01:37,389
brought up
complicated feelings.

43
00:01:37,431 --> 00:01:38,682
She challenged me.

44
00:01:38,724 --> 00:01:39,850
Do you know if you'll be doing

45
00:01:39,892 --> 00:01:41,184
a full-color octet calculation

46
00:01:41,226 --> 00:01:42,937
with matrix manipulations?

47
00:01:42,978 --> 00:01:44,813
I know you're in my spot.

48
00:01:44,855 --> 00:01:46,105
ADULT SHELDON:
She disturbed me.

49
00:01:46,147 --> 00:01:47,983
Hi, Sheldon!

50
00:01:48,025 --> 00:01:49,651
ADULT SHELDON:
She enraged me.

51
00:01:49,693 --> 00:01:50,778
Checkmate.

52
00:01:52,071 --> 00:01:53,405
ADULT SHELDON:
Things were simpler

53
00:01:53,447 --> 00:01:54,865
for my simple-minded sister.

54
00:01:54,907 --> 00:01:56,033
Yay!

55
00:01:57,618 --> 00:02:00,788
♪ Nobody else
is stronger than I am ♪

56
00:02:00,829 --> 00:02:03,791
♪ Yesterday I moved a mountain ♪

57
00:02:03,832 --> 00:02:06,209
♪ I bet I could be your hero ♪

58
00:02:06,251 --> 00:02:08,879
♪ I am a mighty little man ♪

59
00:02:08,921 --> 00:02:14,175
♪ I am a mighty little man. ♪

60
00:02:19,556 --> 00:02:21,600
Shelly, I got you something.

61
00:02:21,642 --> 00:02:24,812
SHELDON:
The Professor Proton
Science Kit!

62
00:02:24,853 --> 00:02:26,897
Wait a minute.

63
00:02:26,939 --> 00:02:28,816
Last time you gave me a present
for no reason,

64
00:02:28,857 --> 00:02:30,525
I had to get a booster shot.

65
00:02:30,567 --> 00:02:32,111
Nothing like that.

66
00:02:32,152 --> 00:02:34,488
I was just thinking,
it might be a fun thing for you

67
00:02:34,529 --> 00:02:35,990
to share with Paige.

68
00:02:36,031 --> 00:02:39,409
Sharing. Sometimes I feel
like you don't know me.

69
00:02:39,451 --> 00:02:42,329
Paige is having a rough time
at home right now,

70
00:02:42,370 --> 00:02:44,790
and I think she could really
use a friend.

71
00:02:44,832 --> 00:02:46,500
A crocodile could really
use a meal,

72
00:02:46,541 --> 00:02:48,585
but that doesn't mean
I should leap into his mouth.

73
00:02:48,627 --> 00:02:52,547
Shelly, I am asking you
to do this for me.

74
00:02:52,589 --> 00:02:54,133
ADULT SHELDON:
This was the woman

75
00:02:54,173 --> 00:02:57,011
who cut the crusts off
my sandwiches.

76
00:02:57,052 --> 00:03:00,139
She had me.
Into the mouth I go.

77
00:03:01,473 --> 00:03:03,475
♪ Unskinny bop ♪

78
00:03:03,517 --> 00:03:06,979
♪ Just blows me away, yeah... ♪

79
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Why haven't you mowed the lawn?

80
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I been busy.

81
00:03:09,898 --> 00:03:11,692
Well, you're not busy now.
(exhales)

82
00:03:11,733 --> 00:03:12,901
I'm working out.

83
00:03:12,943 --> 00:03:15,362
Got the word "work"
right there in it.

84
00:03:15,403 --> 00:03:17,531
(music stops)

85
00:03:17,572 --> 00:03:19,324
Get out there and mow.

86
00:03:19,366 --> 00:03:21,284
Why? I'm making good money.

87
00:03:21,326 --> 00:03:23,745
I don't need an allowance,
so I don't need to do chores.

88
00:03:23,787 --> 00:03:24,913
It's not about that.

89
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You're part of this family,

90
00:03:26,165 --> 00:03:27,332
you still need to help out.

91
00:03:27,374 --> 00:03:28,834
So I'm just here
to do your bidding?

92
00:03:28,876 --> 00:03:32,087
Well, and people say
Sheldon's a genius.

93
00:03:35,298 --> 00:03:36,717
(doorbell rings)

94
00:03:36,758 --> 00:03:39,386
I just want to remind you both
to please be sensitive

95
00:03:39,427 --> 00:03:42,263
about the situation
with Paige's family.

96
00:03:42,305 --> 00:03:43,640
She's talking to
you, dingus.

97
00:03:43,682 --> 00:03:45,266
Both of you.

98
00:03:45,308 --> 00:03:46,185
(door opens)

99
00:03:46,226 --> 00:03:48,145
Hi, come in.
Hello.

100
00:03:48,187 --> 00:03:49,897
Hi, Missy.
Hi, Sheldon.

101
00:03:49,938 --> 00:03:52,024
What did you do to your hair?
Is this because

102
00:03:52,066 --> 00:03:53,274
your parents got divorced?

103
00:03:53,316 --> 00:03:54,651
(sighs)
Dingus.

104
00:03:54,693 --> 00:03:56,195
LINDA: Well, she just
really wanted to,

105
00:03:56,236 --> 00:03:58,197
and I thought, you know,
under the circumstances,

106
00:03:58,238 --> 00:03:59,198
why not?

107
00:03:59,238 --> 00:04:00,615
Well, I think it looks great.

108
00:04:00,657 --> 00:04:01,616
So, can I have pink...?

109
00:04:01,658 --> 00:04:04,119
No. Why don't you kids go play?

110
00:04:04,161 --> 00:04:06,205
I'd rather have pink hair
than together parents.

111
00:04:06,245 --> 00:04:07,706
PAIGE:
I don't blame you.

112
00:04:11,585 --> 00:04:13,670
Well, it's about time.

113
00:04:16,924 --> 00:04:18,633
Hi, Mr. Cooper!

114
00:04:18,675 --> 00:04:22,179
Billy.
What are you doing?

115
00:04:22,221 --> 00:04:23,638
(turns motor off)
I'm mowing the lawn.

116
00:04:23,680 --> 00:04:24,890
What are you doing?

117
00:04:24,932 --> 00:04:26,474
Did Georgie put
you up to this?

118
00:04:26,516 --> 00:04:27,559
Yeah. He's paying me.

119
00:04:27,601 --> 00:04:29,394
That dummy.

120
00:04:29,436 --> 00:04:31,980
I'm raising the money
to buy a Jet Ski.

121
00:04:34,024 --> 00:04:35,776
I mean, I'm thrilled
that he's gone,

122
00:04:35,817 --> 00:04:37,569
but I do worry about
how it's affecting Paige.

123
00:04:37,611 --> 00:04:39,113
Of course.

124
00:04:39,154 --> 00:04:41,281
You and George have
such a beautiful family.

125
00:04:41,322 --> 00:04:43,951
I think it's good for her
to be around that right now.

126
00:04:46,453 --> 00:04:47,704
Oh. Hey.

127
00:04:47,746 --> 00:04:50,457
Nice to see you.
Sorry about the divorce.

128
00:04:50,498 --> 00:04:53,001
I got to go yell
at my idiot son.

129
00:04:53,043 --> 00:04:54,711
Georgie!
Where are you?

130
00:04:56,797 --> 00:04:58,423
You look great,
by the way.

131
00:04:58,465 --> 00:05:01,051
Oh, thanks.
I started smoking again.

132
00:05:01,093 --> 00:05:03,178
(hard rock music playing)
(knock at door)

133
00:05:04,221 --> 00:05:05,889
What the hell's
wrong with you?

134
00:05:05,931 --> 00:05:07,348
You think it's okay
for Billy Sparks

135
00:05:07,390 --> 00:05:08,725
to do your work?

136
00:05:08,767 --> 00:05:10,351
I paid him.

137
00:05:10,393 --> 00:05:12,437
I tried to give him two dollars,
but he only wanted one.

138
00:05:12,479 --> 00:05:15,190
Damn it, Georgie, I'm trying
to teach you responsibility.

139
00:05:15,232 --> 00:05:18,110
You can't just buy your way
out of everything in life.
You sure?

140
00:05:18,152 --> 00:05:20,737
'Cause I'll give you ten bucks
to leave me alone right now.

141
00:05:20,779 --> 00:05:22,239
Go mow the lawn.

142
00:05:22,281 --> 00:05:24,074
I'm not gonna
say it again.

143
00:05:24,116 --> 00:05:27,619
Fine. But I'm only doing this
so you'll get off my back.

144
00:05:27,661 --> 00:05:29,997
Oh, you'll know when I'm
on your back, little man.

145
00:05:31,498 --> 00:05:33,583
Now we can be hair twins.

146
00:05:33,625 --> 00:05:35,752
Paige, you're supposed to be
doing science with me.

147
00:05:35,794 --> 00:05:37,420
That's boring.

148
00:05:37,462 --> 00:05:39,464
I want to do
something dangerous.

149
00:05:39,506 --> 00:05:42,134
This is dangerous. We don't have
an eye wash station.

150
00:05:42,176 --> 00:05:44,427
Let's go to the mall.
Mom doesn't like the mall.

151
00:05:44,469 --> 00:05:46,930
She says the mannequins
don't have enough clothes on,

152
00:05:46,972 --> 00:05:49,016
but I think
it's 'cause we're poor.

153
00:05:49,057 --> 00:05:51,559
We are poor.
I do our taxes.

154
00:05:51,601 --> 00:05:53,436
Don't worry.
I'll ask her.

155
00:05:53,478 --> 00:05:55,022
Ever since my
parents got divorced,

156
00:05:55,063 --> 00:05:56,690
people can't
say no to me.

157
00:05:56,731 --> 00:05:58,608
My mom promised she would
take me to the mall to get me

158
00:05:58,650 --> 00:06:00,819
a new backpack,
but she was so busy

159
00:06:00,861 --> 00:06:02,445
cleaning my dad's stuff
out of the garage

160
00:06:02,487 --> 00:06:04,405
that I think
she forgot.
Oh.

161
00:06:04,447 --> 00:06:07,784
Of course I can take you.
Anything you need.

162
00:06:07,826 --> 00:06:09,911
Thank you,
Mrs. Cooper.

163
00:06:13,540 --> 00:06:15,792
Will you marry me?

164
00:06:20,339 --> 00:06:22,216
Why are you taking
a backpack to the mall?

165
00:06:22,257 --> 00:06:24,176
This is my mall
safety kit.

166
00:06:25,677 --> 00:06:27,554
Earplugs to drown out
crowd noise,

167
00:06:27,595 --> 00:06:29,973
Wet-Naps to wipe down
escalator handrails,

168
00:06:30,015 --> 00:06:31,516
a compass, a map of the mall,

169
00:06:31,558 --> 00:06:33,392
and a whistle,
in case I get lost

170
00:06:33,434 --> 00:06:35,896
or approached by a woman
holding a perfume bottle.

171
00:06:35,937 --> 00:06:37,731
You want to stuff him
in there, right?

172
00:06:37,772 --> 00:06:39,398
No.

173
00:06:39,440 --> 00:06:40,734
(mouths)

174
00:06:41,818 --> 00:06:43,904
Okay, Paige,

175
00:06:43,945 --> 00:06:46,114
where should we go
to get your backpack?

176
00:06:46,156 --> 00:06:49,368
The Hello Kitty store.
I would help you find it,
but this subpar mall map

177
00:06:49,408 --> 00:06:51,078
isn't even
oriented north.

178
00:06:51,119 --> 00:06:54,413
Let's go.
All right, have fun
at the Hello Kitty store,

179
00:06:54,455 --> 00:06:56,917
and meet me at the
fountain in half an hour.

180
00:06:56,958 --> 00:07:00,212
Just to be clear, there are
no actual kitties, right?

181
00:07:01,171 --> 00:07:03,298
I can't imagine
talking to my dad

182
00:07:03,340 --> 00:07:04,799
the way this kid
talks to me.

183
00:07:04,841 --> 00:07:07,719
I'd have had a belt
on my backside so fast...

184
00:07:07,761 --> 00:07:10,013
My dad was a hugger.

185
00:07:10,055 --> 00:07:12,431
I had to tell him three times
to mow the lawn,

186
00:07:12,473 --> 00:07:13,934
and he still gave me attitude.

187
00:07:13,975 --> 00:07:17,020
He's going to school,
holding down a job.

188
00:07:17,062 --> 00:07:20,190
If he was my kid,
I'd be proud of him.

189
00:07:21,942 --> 00:07:24,278
I am proud of him.

190
00:07:24,319 --> 00:07:26,445
When he's not being
a total pain in my ass.

191
00:07:27,948 --> 00:07:30,367
You ever tell him you're proud?

192
00:07:30,409 --> 00:07:31,826
He knows.

193
00:07:31,868 --> 00:07:34,579
I think it's important
for children to hear it.

194
00:07:34,621 --> 00:07:36,790
You don't even have kids.

195
00:07:36,831 --> 00:07:38,917
I teach and coach teenage boys.

196
00:07:38,959 --> 00:07:42,045
I also put up with
your childish nonsense.

197
00:07:43,922 --> 00:07:46,091
Georgie's just being
so damn disrespectful,

198
00:07:46,133 --> 00:07:47,259
I don't want to reward that.

199
00:07:47,301 --> 00:07:48,593
All right.

200
00:07:48,635 --> 00:07:50,804
My father never said
he was proud of me.

201
00:07:50,845 --> 00:07:52,347
I turned out just fine.

202
00:07:52,389 --> 00:07:57,018
George, I'm just trying
to have a nice day,

203
00:07:57,060 --> 00:07:58,853
make some white folks
uncomfortable.

204
00:07:58,895 --> 00:08:00,647
Can you please?

205
00:08:01,898 --> 00:08:05,735
♪ Bela Lugosi's dead... ♪

206
00:08:05,777 --> 00:08:08,071
This isn't
the Hello Kitty store.

207
00:08:08,113 --> 00:08:10,615
No. It's Hot Topic.

208
00:08:10,657 --> 00:08:13,034
What's the topic, devil worship?
Hey,

209
00:08:13,076 --> 00:08:14,702
did you know there's
a bow tie section in the back?

210
00:08:14,744 --> 00:08:18,706
Why would they hide
that in the back?

211
00:08:20,792 --> 00:08:23,086
Ooh.
What's that?

212
00:08:23,128 --> 00:08:24,921
Body glitter.

213
00:08:24,963 --> 00:08:27,257
That's so much better
than regular glitter.

214
00:08:27,299 --> 00:08:28,258
Then buy it.

215
00:08:28,300 --> 00:08:30,135
I don't have
any money.

216
00:08:30,177 --> 00:08:31,303
Then steal it.

217
00:08:31,345 --> 00:08:33,680
No, my mom
would kill me.

218
00:08:36,850 --> 00:08:38,601
Fine. Your mom
can't punish me.

219
00:08:38,643 --> 00:08:40,061
SHELDON:
I didn't see
any bow ties,

220
00:08:40,103 --> 00:08:41,896
just a shirt with
a bad word on it.

221
00:08:41,938 --> 00:08:43,523
What did you put
in your pocket?

222
00:08:43,564 --> 00:08:44,941
Nothing.

223
00:08:44,983 --> 00:08:46,818
Are you guys stealing?
Because if you are,

224
00:08:46,860 --> 00:08:49,737
I am prepared to literally
blow the whistle on you...
Okay.

225
00:08:50,613 --> 00:08:51,990
Okay.

226
00:08:52,032 --> 00:08:54,493
Relax, we were just
playing around.

227
00:08:54,534 --> 00:08:56,786
Let's just get
out of here.
Good.

228
00:08:56,828 --> 00:08:57,871
Everyone behind the counter

229
00:08:57,912 --> 00:08:59,206
has an earring
where an earring

230
00:08:59,247 --> 00:09:00,874
does not belong.

231
00:09:00,915 --> 00:09:02,625
Hey, Vern,
looks like you're turning

232
00:09:02,667 --> 00:09:05,253
into quite the little shopper.

233
00:09:05,295 --> 00:09:06,254
Hey.

234
00:09:06,296 --> 00:09:07,714
I've already mowed the lawn.

235
00:09:07,755 --> 00:09:09,841
I know.
Thanks for doing that.

236
00:09:09,883 --> 00:09:12,177
So what do you want?

237
00:09:12,219 --> 00:09:15,055
Well, I was thinking you and I
could go grab a burger.

238
00:09:15,096 --> 00:09:16,890
Why?

239
00:09:16,931 --> 00:09:18,892
'Cause I thought
it'd be a nice thing to do.

240
00:09:18,933 --> 00:09:20,352
Which restaurant?

241
00:09:20,394 --> 00:09:22,229
Why does it matter?

242
00:09:22,270 --> 00:09:23,604
Well, McDonald's burgers
are fried,

243
00:09:23,646 --> 00:09:25,315
and sometimes
I like flame-broiled.

244
00:09:25,357 --> 00:09:27,650
Fine, we can go to Burger King.

245
00:09:27,692 --> 00:09:29,610
I don't like the fries
at Burger King.

246
00:09:29,652 --> 00:09:31,112
Ooh, Arby's has

247
00:09:31,154 --> 00:09:32,531
those curly fries.

248
00:09:32,572 --> 00:09:34,533
Shoot, they don't have burgers.

249
00:09:34,574 --> 00:09:37,118
Then let's go to Whataburger.

250
00:09:37,160 --> 00:09:40,288
Okay, but I hope you're not
this cranky the whole meal.

251
00:09:41,122 --> 00:09:44,125
(exhales)

252
00:09:47,087 --> 00:09:48,629
So,

253
00:09:48,671 --> 00:09:51,174
we haven't really had
a chance to talk much lately.

254
00:09:51,216 --> 00:09:52,592
Why is it so hot in here?

255
00:09:52,633 --> 00:09:54,469
AC's busted.

256
00:09:54,511 --> 00:09:56,012
Why don't you get it fixed?

257
00:09:56,054 --> 00:09:58,557
'Cause I got better things
to spend my money on.

258
00:09:59,349 --> 00:10:00,808
Anyway,

259
00:10:00,850 --> 00:10:02,352
what I wanted to say

260
00:10:02,394 --> 00:10:06,731
is, even though I'm not loving
your attitude lately,

261
00:10:06,773 --> 00:10:08,525
I think it's great
you got this job

262
00:10:08,567 --> 00:10:10,985
and y-you're doing
so well at it.

263
00:10:12,946 --> 00:10:14,364
I'm proud of you.

264
00:10:14,406 --> 00:10:16,199
All right.

265
00:10:16,241 --> 00:10:18,118
That's all you have to say?

266
00:10:18,159 --> 00:10:20,912
Well, maybe if I wasn't
sweating my balls off,

267
00:10:20,954 --> 00:10:22,205
I could think of something else.

268
00:10:22,247 --> 00:10:23,915
Just stick your head
out the window.

269
00:10:24,999 --> 00:10:26,585
If it's about money,
I've got money.

270
00:10:28,378 --> 00:10:31,339
It can even be a loan
if it makes you feel better.

271
00:10:32,757 --> 00:10:34,884
Don't you dare.

272
00:10:38,096 --> 00:10:40,723
You said you're proud of my job.
I don't think you are.

273
00:10:40,765 --> 00:10:42,434
You know what? Forget lunch.

274
00:10:42,476 --> 00:10:43,726
Let's just go home.

275
00:10:43,768 --> 00:10:46,396
Smart. Save some money
for your truck.

276
00:10:47,314 --> 00:10:48,648
That's it.

277
00:10:48,689 --> 00:10:50,817
You're walking.

278
00:10:58,741 --> 00:11:02,412
ADULT SHELDON:
I had survived a perilous trip
to the accessory store,

279
00:11:02,454 --> 00:11:07,125
but it turned out,
the real accessory was me.

280
00:11:11,879 --> 00:11:13,340
I can't believe you stole.

281
00:11:13,381 --> 00:11:15,509
You walked out with it.
You stole.

282
00:11:15,550 --> 00:11:16,801
Why would I steal glitter?

283
00:11:16,843 --> 00:11:19,053
I already have
a sparkling personality.

284
00:11:19,095 --> 00:11:20,472
Tell it to the cops.

285
00:11:20,514 --> 00:11:21,848
Or your cellmate.

286
00:11:21,889 --> 00:11:25,059
You're so smart.
Why are you acting like this?

287
00:11:25,101 --> 00:11:26,769
Maybe I don't want to be smart.

288
00:11:26,811 --> 00:11:29,272
I have to sit down.

289
00:11:29,314 --> 00:11:31,232
Being smart sucks.

290
00:11:31,274 --> 00:11:33,568
It's the reason
we moved here from Arkansas,

291
00:11:33,610 --> 00:11:37,489
a-and my parents never yelled
at each other before that.

292
00:11:37,531 --> 00:11:40,659
It's just better to be normal.

293
00:11:40,699 --> 00:11:44,538
It works for me. But I
also have good cheekbones.

294
00:11:51,419 --> 00:11:52,962
You swim here?

295
00:11:53,004 --> 00:11:56,341
Dad kicked me out of his truck.
I had to walk back.

296
00:11:56,383 --> 00:11:59,093
(chuckles) What dumb thing
did you say or do?

297
00:11:59,135 --> 00:12:01,471
How do you know I'm the one
who did something dumb?

298
00:12:01,513 --> 00:12:03,806
'Cause you kind of shine at it.

299
00:12:03,848 --> 00:12:06,518
All I did is offer
to pay to fix his AC.

300
00:12:06,560 --> 00:12:08,978
And there it is. Dumb.

301
00:12:09,020 --> 00:12:10,104
What's wrong with that?

302
00:12:10,146 --> 00:12:11,523
Your dad is a grown man.

303
00:12:11,565 --> 00:12:13,858
He doesn't want his kid
giving him money.

304
00:12:13,900 --> 00:12:15,985
So he's glad I'm making money,

305
00:12:16,027 --> 00:12:18,488
but I'm not allowed to use
that money to help him out?

306
00:12:18,530 --> 00:12:20,490
I don't get it.
Well, someday,
when you have

307
00:12:20,532 --> 00:12:24,244
a bunch of sweaty, mullet-headed
kids running around, you will.

308
00:12:24,285 --> 00:12:26,079
Oh, I ain't never having kids.

309
00:12:26,120 --> 00:12:29,499
Well, that's the smartest thing
I ever heard you say.

310
00:12:29,541 --> 00:12:31,710
Thank you.

311
00:12:33,503 --> 00:12:35,547
(chuckles softly)

312
00:12:37,549 --> 00:12:39,593
(line ringing)

313
00:12:39,634 --> 00:12:41,802
STURGIS (over phone):
John Sturgis at your service.

314
00:12:41,844 --> 00:12:43,555
Dr. Sturgis, Sheldon Cooper.

315
00:12:43,597 --> 00:12:44,889
Hello, Sheldon.

316
00:12:44,931 --> 00:12:46,140
How are you doing?

317
00:12:46,182 --> 00:12:48,309
Confused, upset, annoyed,

318
00:12:48,351 --> 00:12:50,604
and potentially
in trouble with the law.

319
00:12:50,645 --> 00:12:54,148
Well, in which order would
you like to handle this?

320
00:12:54,190 --> 00:12:55,734
Let's start with confused,

321
00:12:55,774 --> 00:12:57,860
but if we hear sirens
approaching, we'll jump ahead.

322
00:12:57,902 --> 00:12:59,987
Great. What's on your mind?

323
00:13:00,029 --> 00:13:02,323
Do you ever wish
that you weren't smart?

324
00:13:02,365 --> 00:13:05,535
So I would be short,
lonely and stupid?

325
00:13:05,577 --> 00:13:07,370
No, that seems worse.

326
00:13:07,412 --> 00:13:08,705
Why do you ask?

327
00:13:08,747 --> 00:13:10,457
Do you remember Paige?

328
00:13:10,498 --> 00:13:12,542
Of course,
brilliant little girl.

329
00:13:12,584 --> 00:13:14,043
I know, but she says
that she doesn't

330
00:13:14,085 --> 00:13:15,754
want to be smart anymore.

331
00:13:15,794 --> 00:13:20,133
Well, perhaps she's experiencing
some sort of identity crisis.

332
00:13:20,174 --> 00:13:22,719
Is it possible her ex
is dating someone

333
00:13:22,761 --> 00:13:26,805
who seems better for her
in every imaginable way?

334
00:13:26,847 --> 00:13:28,767
I'm confused.

335
00:13:28,807 --> 00:13:30,435
So am I.

336
00:13:30,477 --> 00:13:33,480
How do I make her understand
that being smart is the best?

337
00:13:33,521 --> 00:13:38,943
Might I suggest, instead
of trying to fix her problem,

338
00:13:38,985 --> 00:13:40,987
you just listen?

339
00:13:41,028 --> 00:13:43,948
When I was in the psychiatric
ward, I learned that people

340
00:13:43,990 --> 00:13:48,827
who are struggling emotionally
often just need to be heard.

341
00:13:48,869 --> 00:13:50,789
Hmm.

342
00:13:50,829 --> 00:13:53,667
Sounds difficult,
but I suppose I could try.

343
00:13:53,708 --> 00:13:56,377
Another thing I learned in
the hospital is that some people

344
00:13:56,419 --> 00:13:59,547
believe there are weird mole men
living in tunnels

345
00:13:59,589 --> 00:14:01,758
deep inside the earth.

346
00:14:01,800 --> 00:14:04,594
Well, this has been
mostly helpful.

347
00:14:04,636 --> 00:14:06,763
And you're mostly welcome.

348
00:14:13,102 --> 00:14:14,354
You made it.

349
00:14:14,395 --> 00:14:16,523
Yeah, I made it.

350
00:14:22,362 --> 00:14:24,531
Sorry.

351
00:14:26,282 --> 00:14:28,451
No problem.

352
00:14:34,457 --> 00:14:36,083
Ow.

353
00:14:36,125 --> 00:14:39,754
Ow. Is there a way to do this
so it doesn't hurt?

354
00:14:39,796 --> 00:14:41,756
No. Beauty is pain.

355
00:14:41,798 --> 00:14:44,342
Boy George must really suffer.

356
00:14:44,384 --> 00:14:45,802
Missy, I need a moment
with Paige.

357
00:14:45,844 --> 00:14:47,762
Make it quick.

358
00:14:47,804 --> 00:14:49,930
I'm only half-beautiful.

359
00:14:53,727 --> 00:14:54,686
Yeah?

360
00:14:54,728 --> 00:14:57,355
I'm listening.
To what?

361
00:14:57,397 --> 00:14:59,899
To you.
I'm not saying anything.

362
00:14:59,940 --> 00:15:02,777
Well, if you wanted to say
anything, I'd be listening.

363
00:15:02,819 --> 00:15:04,320
But I don't want
to say anything.

364
00:15:04,362 --> 00:15:06,656
And I don't want to be
listening, but here we are.

365
00:15:06,698 --> 00:15:08,199
Are you feeling better yet?

366
00:15:08,241 --> 00:15:12,787
You're being weird,
and not in the usual way.

367
00:15:15,122 --> 00:15:16,708
Guess that's my life now.

368
00:15:16,750 --> 00:15:18,376
What do you mean?

369
00:15:20,294 --> 00:15:22,881
Everyone is acting weird.

370
00:15:22,921 --> 00:15:28,010
My mom is going on dates and
my dad is acting like a child.

371
00:15:28,052 --> 00:15:31,765
My sister's crying all the time.

372
00:15:32,640 --> 00:15:34,308
I just

373
00:15:34,350 --> 00:15:39,898
wish that everything could
go back to the way it was.

374
00:15:39,980 --> 00:15:43,317
I don't think it will.

375
00:15:43,359 --> 00:15:46,070
ADULT SHELDON:
It turned out I was
really good at listening.

376
00:15:46,112 --> 00:15:50,909
The trick is to sit there, and
when you want to leave, don't.

377
00:15:50,949 --> 00:15:54,370
I have to live
in two separate houses.

378
00:15:54,412 --> 00:15:59,333
And my grandma says the meanest
things about my dad.

379
00:15:59,375 --> 00:16:01,628
I know that everyone is upset

380
00:16:01,669 --> 00:16:03,671
that I'm not doing well
in school.

381
00:16:03,713 --> 00:16:07,926
It's just hard to care.

382
00:16:09,719 --> 00:16:13,055
Everything that used
to seem important to me

383
00:16:13,097 --> 00:16:17,560
just... doesn't anymore.

384
00:16:19,520 --> 00:16:24,567
So I guess, really,
I just feel alone.

385
00:16:28,571 --> 00:16:30,490
That sounds hard.

386
00:16:30,531 --> 00:16:33,910
Yeah... it is.

387
00:16:33,952 --> 00:16:35,870
ADULT SHELDON:
Dr. Sturgis was right.

388
00:16:35,912 --> 00:16:40,458
There was nothing I could do
to fix this, or so I thought.

389
00:16:40,500 --> 00:16:42,794
Can I offer you a hot beverage?

390
00:16:43,670 --> 00:16:45,463
That would be nice.

391
00:16:45,505 --> 00:16:47,757
Be right back.

392
00:16:49,133 --> 00:16:50,969
ADULT SHELDON:
The "Hot Beverage of Comfort"

393
00:16:51,010 --> 00:16:52,470
would become my go-to method

394
00:16:52,512 --> 00:16:55,348
of dealing with someone
in emotional distress.

395
00:16:55,389 --> 00:16:57,099
And it always worked.

396
00:16:57,141 --> 00:16:59,393
Except when my wife
was in labor,

397
00:16:59,435 --> 00:17:02,772
where it was suggested
I throw it in my own face.

398
00:17:08,486 --> 00:17:10,070
What you doing?
Paige is feeling sad,

399
00:17:10,112 --> 00:17:12,657
so I'm making her
a hot beverage.

400
00:17:12,699 --> 00:17:14,826
Oh. You're a good kid.

401
00:17:17,203 --> 00:17:19,330
I'm proud of you.

402
00:17:20,414 --> 00:17:22,000
Thank you.

403
00:17:22,040 --> 00:17:23,584
ADULT SHELDON:
Of all my accomplishments,

404
00:17:23,626 --> 00:17:26,504
I don't know why he singled
this moment out,

405
00:17:26,546 --> 00:17:29,215
but I'm glad he did.

406
00:17:29,256 --> 00:17:30,800
Sup?

407
00:17:30,842 --> 00:17:35,095
♪ I sparkle ♪

408
00:17:35,137 --> 00:17:38,098
♪ Loving the way that I do ♪

409
00:17:38,140 --> 00:17:40,685
♪ It is true ♪

410
00:17:40,727 --> 00:17:42,896
♪ I feel so good ♪

411
00:17:42,937 --> 00:17:46,106
♪ Just having you ♪

412
00:17:46,148 --> 00:17:51,487
♪ Breathlessly ♪

413
00:17:51,529 --> 00:17:55,073
♪ And eager ♪