[George] Previously on Young Sheldon…
Mary Cooper… I want to sex you up.
[gasps]
I have good news.
I could use it.
I got a job at the bowling alley.
-Working with Brenda? -Every day.
I am so sorry about today.
I'd just hate to see you walk away from the Lord.
Feels like he's walkin' away from me.
What is that?
Hamburger Helper.
It's official, we're poor.
We're not poor. We… There's hamburger in there.
There is hamburger in there?
I like it.
It helps hamburger make a great meal.
It's a good thing, 'cause you're definitely poor.
-Like us. -We're fine.
-Actually-- -Just eat.
-Do we still say grace? -Why not?
Mom's been taking a break from church. Mom?
Well, I hadn't really thought about it. We can if you want to.
Let's not.
As meaningless as it is, I do find it comforting.
Will somebody make a decision? It's getting cold.
No. It's good cold or hot. Like Grape Nuts.
Ooh, can I say it?
Sure.
[Missy clears throat]
Bless us, Lord, for the food we receive
and bless the hands that prepared it.
Let me have a good hair day for pictures this week.
-Let's see. What else do I want? -Wrap it up.
Please let Dad find a full-time job before we lose cable. Amen.
-Amen. -Amen.
[theme music playing]
So, how's it going with this whole no church thing?
It's a little weird, but I'm figuring it out.
Think you might go back?
I don't know yet.
Find a different church?
I don't know, George.
I'm gonna get a beer.
You… care to join me like the good old days?
Just 'cause I'm not going to church doesn't mean I'm suddenly a drinker.
Okay. Well, then I guess me and my friends will say good night.
We need to talk.
About what?
You do their taxes. How bad off are we?
Based on their income,
we'll run out by the end of the year.
-Before or after Christmas? -Before.
Not what I wanted to hear.
[sighs]
Anything we can do to help?
Perhaps we could sell our stuff.
But I like my stuff.
I like my stuff too. Let's keep thinking.
-[program on TV] -[phone ringing]
[turns TV off]
Hello.
Connie, Grant Linkletter.
Hello, Grant.
What can I do for you?
Well, I looked at my calendar and it's been six weeks
since I asked you out, so I thought I'd give it a shot.
You ask me out every six weeks?
It used to be nine, but we're not getting any younger.
I'll tell you what.
Fine.
-Really? -Why not?
[chuckles] Excellent!
But I wanna be clear.
This is just one of those… What you call it?
Platonic things. We're just having dinner.
I'll take it.
Now would you prefer a restaurant or some good home cooking?
I make seven kinds of soup.
-I'll stick with a restaurant. -Fair enough.
But one day you'll try my mushroom barley and your taste buds will swoon.
Good night, Grant.
The secret is how I cook the onions!
Chicken coop, now.
[door opens]
Hi.
What are we doing?
What are you doing?
You hired Mary to work at the bowling alley.
She needed a job.
I was being nice.
You don't think it's weird?
This right here, it's all weird.
Are you drunk?
Not nearly enough.
You and Mary working together is a bad idea
considering, you know, you and me.
We haven't done anything, George.
There was considering. You know it.
What do you want me to do? To fire her?
No, no, that'll be weird.
Which is exactly where we started. Good night.
You understand what I'm saying.
Okay. So what are you good at?
I'm popular.
That is not a skill.
You can't do it.
Fine.
You could go on Jeopardy!
Never. I don't like answers in the form of questions.
I like answers to be answers
and questions to be questions, thank you.
Perhaps I could sell story ideas to TV shows like Star Trek.
Do you think they'd listen to a kid?
My voice has gotten deeper.
I answered the phone and wasn't mistaken for Mom.
Star Trek's not gonna buy your ideas.
We'll see.
In one, the Enterprise falls into a time tunnel
and Worf becomes a Worf from the future.
We could let people punch you.
No. All our profit would just go to medical expenses.
Hey, Brenda, I was trying to do the books for the quarter
and I was having trouble making sense of it.
You know, Mary, if it's too big of a mess
and you'd rather work somewhere else, I'd understand.
No, I'll figure it out.
Great. So happy you're here.
Oh.
Hey there.
Oh. [chuckles]
Hi, Mary.
Got an eight-pounder that's not pink.
I didn't know you bowled.
I didn't know you did.
Actually…
I work here now.
Oh! Sure, okay.
I…
I'm so sorry about how things went down at church.
If it helps, the place has gone to heck.
Good.
[both chuckle]
I sure do miss working with you.
Well, we can still be friends even if we don't work together.
I'd like that.
You find a kiddie ball yet?
It's not about the weight. It's just I have small fingers.
Oh, uh, Mary, this is Shannon.
-Shannon, this is Mary Cooper. -Hi.
You used to be Mary Tucker.
Not in a long time.
You remember me?
Sorry, no.
Shannon Dixon, you used to babysit me.
Is that so?
She was so great.
She let me stay up and watch TV
while she'd make out with her boyfriend.
[wheezy laughter]
I don't remember any of that.
I'm not surprised, you hit my dad's liquor pretty hard.
Well, Mary Cooper.
I was young and I hadn't found the Lord.
You two have a great time.
Here's that invoice.
Oh, great. I see Pastor Rob's here again.
Does…
Does he come here often?
Not with that one, she's new.
Well, good for him.
Single, good-looking pastor.
In a small town like this, he might as well be Roger Staubach.
Oh, my God. The Dallas Cowboys.
Oh, sure. Of course.
Hey, if you need me I'm gonna be on the office doing… office things.
What are you doing?
I ran out of beer at home, didn't feel like driving to the store.
So you just waltz in and help yourself?
About sums it up.
I'm changing the locks.
[chuckles]
Cheers.
So how's my daughter doing?
Yeah, she seems okay.
Still trying to figure things out.
I gotta be honest, I'm not upset about less religion in the house.
[chuckles] I hear you.
Although Jesus making her forgive me has come in handy more than a few times.
Yeah, I played that card too.
[Meemaw chuckles]
Then again I remember Mary before God got his mitts on her and…
She was pretty wild.
Don't have to tell me, I was who she was wild with.
Oh, she was wild long before she ever met you.
What do you mean?
Did you think that you were the first person she was wild with?
Well, yeah.
And as the Enterprise is about to be assimilated by the Borg,
another ship appears piloted by Wesley Crusher!
Uh-huh.
It's surprising because he left the show years ago,
so it's a big deal!
If you say so.
I have more. Commander Data--
I'd like a reservation for dinner. Yes, I'll hold.
You want to do this over dinner? Okay.
I'm taking your grandmother out tonight.
She didn't mention it to me.
Maybe because it doesn't concern you.
My Meemaw, my professor. Who's in the middle of that Venn diagram?
Yes, two people at eight o'clock?
8:00's a little late for Meemaw.
What time does she eat?
Well, she's old like you, so 6:30 at the latest.
Can we make that 6:30? Wonderful.
Hold on. Does she like French food?
I'll call you back.
Anyway, Commander Data--
Let me ask you a question.
If Commander Data were taking your Meemaw out for dinner,
where would they go?
Almost certainly the Holodeck.
Sounds trendy, is that in Houston?
Hello.
What's up?
I saw your "help wanted" sign.
I'd like to help, please.
How old are you?
How old do I need to be?
Fourteen.
[scoffs] Do I not look 14?
I don't care.
Perfect. So, when do I start?
All right, hold on.
-Do you even like comic books? -Yeah.
What's your favorite?
Um…
The cool thing about X-Men is not that they have superpowers,
but they're a metaphor for outsiders…
…outsiders trying to find their place in society.
Who's your favorite?
All of them.
Mine too.
And I got the job.
You can't work at that store.
If anyone should work there, it should be me.
Sorry, we're not hiring.
Do I at least get a discount?
I do.
[Mary sobbing]
Oh, hey, hi.
[sniffles]
You okay?
Not really.
It's been a rough couple of days.
I'm sorry.
Thank you.
If it makes you feel better, I've had a good couple of days
and I'm still gonna get drunk.
[both chuckle]
Wanna join me?
Yes. That would be nice.
More sad than nice, but let's go.
Okay.
So, this is unexpected.
I know you like margaritas,
so my first thought was a Mexican restaurant.
Good thought.
But I assumed other men had come to that same conclusion.
They have.
Which led me to Polynesian fare.
I like to think of the Mai Tai as the margarita of the South Pacific.
You don't do anything on a whim, do you?
Did once, didn't like it.
[indistinct chatter on TV]
I have an idea for a Star Trek episode I'd like to present to you.
Why me?
Because I'm hoping to sell it, and since it's broadcast television,
I wanna make sure the common man understands it.
Yeah, I understand I was insulted.
Excellent, I came to the right common man.
We start on a gas giant in the vicinity of Rigel IV,
then see a shuttlecraft, a dot of silver against the inky blackness of space.
Inside the shuttlecraft we see Lieutenant Worf struggling to breathe.
He's been infected by a vicious, intelligent fungus.
-Where are you going? -I'm listening.
Cough! Cough! Worf is choking on spores.
But not just your everyday spores,
these are spores with their own evil agenda.
[laughs]
As he sinks into a coma, a mysterious figure approaches.
He lowers the visor of his helmet revealing… Future Worf!
-Are you hooked? -Oh, yeah.
Main titles. Cue theme song
and the soothing voice of Patrick Stewart as Captain Picard says…
"Space,
the final frontier."
Who's Patrick Stewart?
-Feeling better? -I'm fine.
Just having a little moment earlier.
Oh, yeah. All right.
[country music playing]
Mm.
Seems like running into Pastor Rob kind of rattled you a little bit.
Oh, well…
I was asked to leave the church and he's still there, so…
It's still a little fresh.
Mm. I get that.
Seems like a nice guy though.
Oh, yeah, he's great.
Cute as a button.
I guess. I prefer a bigger man.
Like George?
Oh, yeah. Bigger the better.
Deep within the Enterprise's control room, Future Worf says,
"I willingly sacrifice myself for the good of this mission,"
then throws himself into the warp core. There's an explosion of tachyons.
The Enterprise blasts free of the gigantic field of fungus.
-Fade out. Written by: Sheldon Lee Cooper. -[toilet flushing]
What do you think?
If this Worf fella was infected on the shuttle,
why would he come back and put everyone else in danger?
Well…
[adult Sheldon] My father found a flaw in my story,
my sister had a job I envied,
it was a big day for the common man.
But then I had an idea,
that like Future Worf, was ahead of its time.
[knock at door]
-[Sheldon] Missy. -What?
Why is a dollar worth a dollar?
Sheldon, I'm busy.
Me too. I've solved all of our money problems.
I'm going to invent a digital currency.
Like printing your own?
No. First, we assign value to difficult-to-find numbers
and store them in a database.
Then we create an algorithm to mine numbers,
then we get people to switch
from government currencies to ours.
It's brilliant. I'm going to be rich.
Speaking of, did you know Batman is also secretly a rich dude?
Or he lives in a rich dude's basement. I'm still figuring it out.
[sighs]
Oh, thank you, tiki woman.
So, what's going on at work?
I don't wanna bore you.
No, no, I'm interested.
Excellent.
We're racing the Finnish team
to see if we can correct unification of the leptons.
As you can imagine, the world waits anxiously
to see who crosses the finish line first.
So the Finnish may be at the finish line?
[wheezy laughter]
Oh, you're witty too.
More cheese to bait the trap.
Maybe we should order dinner.
Nonsense. There's food right here.
Pineapple. Prickly on the outside but beautiful inside, just like you.
And you know, that Shannon girl.
-With Pastor Rob? -She was a bedwetter!
Ten years old. That's not normal.
Maybe he'll get a fun little surprise on their honeymoon.
Oh, no, they're not getting married.
How do you know?
I don't. I just think he can do better.
Mary Cooper, are you sweet on him?
No! What?
I am a married woman.
Happily.
I was married once. Didn't stop me from looking.
Well, I'm not looking.
[country song playing]
-Where you going? -To dance.
I didn't think you Baptists did that.
We don't drink either.
Oh!
Look at me.
[Mary giggling]
I'm pretty good.
Are you familiar with, "You need money to make money"?
-No. -Well, it's a phrase.
My clever twist on it is, "I'm going to make money to make money."
Uh-huh.
Now when I say, "make money,"
you'd think it's about counterfeiting.
But no, I'm talking about creating a unique decentralized digital currency
people can pay to own.
Sounds like a scam.
No, it's an open-source currency that has value due to mathematical scarcity.
Sounds pretty scammy.
[sighs] You don't understand.
I do.
You say a bunch of fancy jibber-jabber,
people don't admit they're too stupid,
then they give you money.
Well, um, sort of.
Love it. How do we get started?
Well, all we need is a mainframe computer.
How much is that?
New, about a half a million dollars,
but I'm hoping to find something slightly used.
Time will prove me right!
You won't believe this, but I don't go on dates.
No.
It's true.
Sure I did okay as a younger man, but there was a war on
and most of the men were elsewhere.
So you sowed oats, I get it.
A whole field of them.
I was the Johnny Appleseed of oats.
Okay.
But here's the thing,
once you put off matrimony past a certain point,
women start to think of you as… What's the word?
-Creepy? -There it is.
And then along comes you.
My little Texas firecracker, playing the game of life by her own set of rules.
I'm a firecracker, I'm a pineapple.
Good for me.
Can I ask you a personal question?
I wish you wouldn't.
How would you like to make love to a man
who shook the hand of Albert Einstein?
And you did.
This one right here.
I didn't wash for a week.
Not a selling point.
Excuse me for a moment.
I have to toss my cookies.
[door shuts]
Hey, where have you been?
Brenda and I went dancing.
You went dancing?
Yeah, and I'm darn good at it.
[chuckles] Okay.
-The kids asleep? -Yep.
You wanna fool around?
-Are you messing with me? -I'm hoping to.
Well, hot diggity dog.
Welcome to King Kong Comics. I'm Missy.
If you have questions, let me know.
I don't have questions.
I know more about this than you do.
Okay. What you may not know is the new Green Lantern just came in.
If you like green things,
I recommend Green Arrow, and The Hulk.
His skin is green.
I know that. Everyone knows that.
Uh-oh. Are you gonna smash things?
That's what the Hulk does when he's upset.
I'm not upset.
Cool. If you need anything, I'll be at the counter.
Where I work.
[theme music playing] hing, I'll be at the counter.