1 00:00:00,083 --> 00:00:01,793 [Sheldon] Previously on Young Sheldon… 2 00:00:01,793 --> 00:00:02,711 Arrested? 3 00:00:02,794 --> 00:00:04,838 Well, they're probably gonna have to pay some fine 4 00:00:04,921 --> 00:00:06,423 and… and they're gonna need cash. 5 00:00:06,506 --> 00:00:07,799 What the hell? 6 00:00:07,882 --> 00:00:09,592 What are you doing here? 7 00:00:09,676 --> 00:00:10,927 I'm saving you. 8 00:00:11,010 --> 00:00:12,554 Well, damn. 9 00:00:12,637 --> 00:00:15,640 Look, you're just a kid, okay? You don't understand what's going on here. 10 00:00:15,724 --> 00:00:18,560 I know my mom lost her job and got kicked out of the church 11 00:00:18,643 --> 00:00:20,228 because you won't marry my brother. 12 00:00:20,311 --> 00:00:22,188 -Where are you going? -To dance. 13 00:00:22,272 --> 00:00:24,065 I didn't think you Baptists did that. 14 00:00:24,149 --> 00:00:25,442 We don't drink either. 15 00:00:26,401 --> 00:00:28,528 -The kids asleep? -Yeah. 16 00:00:28,611 --> 00:00:30,655 You wanna fool around? 17 00:00:32,157 --> 00:00:34,743 -Are you messing with me? -I'm hoping to. 18 00:00:35,410 --> 00:00:36,745 Well, hot diggity dog. 19 00:00:40,874 --> 00:00:41,708 Hey. 20 00:00:41,791 --> 00:00:43,334 Oh, thanks for coming. 21 00:00:43,418 --> 00:00:45,628 Sounded important. What's going on? 22 00:00:45,712 --> 00:00:47,380 -Walk with me. -Okay. 23 00:00:48,381 --> 00:00:51,176 -You know that money I owe you? -Oh, you got it? 24 00:00:52,635 --> 00:00:53,636 Yes and no. 25 00:00:54,304 --> 00:00:56,473 Uh, well, which is it? 26 00:00:56,556 --> 00:00:57,766 Yes, I got it. 27 00:00:57,849 --> 00:00:59,642 No, I'm not giving it to you. 28 00:01:00,310 --> 00:01:04,314 I want to give you a once in a lifetime opportunity. 29 00:01:04,397 --> 00:01:05,356 [slot machines beeping] 30 00:01:05,440 --> 00:01:07,067 Well, I prefer my money. 31 00:01:07,150 --> 00:01:10,111 Do you see any unoccupied machines here? 32 00:01:10,195 --> 00:01:11,988 -No. -Exactly. 33 00:01:12,072 --> 00:01:13,948 We are at capacity. 34 00:01:14,032 --> 00:01:15,742 It's time to expand. 35 00:01:16,701 --> 00:01:17,535 Where? 36 00:01:17,619 --> 00:01:20,538 The video store right behind that wall… 37 00:01:21,206 --> 00:01:22,957 just lost its lease. 38 00:01:23,041 --> 00:01:26,085 Oh, heck, I was gonna pick up the new John Candy. 39 00:01:26,169 --> 00:01:29,172 Well, as my partner in this enterprise, 40 00:01:29,255 --> 00:01:31,758 you can get that new John Candy for free. 41 00:01:31,841 --> 00:01:34,177 So you're gonna buy a video store? 42 00:01:34,260 --> 00:01:36,805 Video store in the front, 43 00:01:36,888 --> 00:01:39,849 video poker in the back. 44 00:01:39,933 --> 00:01:43,061 -Where are you getting the poker machines? -Biloxi, Mississippi. 45 00:01:43,144 --> 00:01:46,439 Oh. You didn't learn a lesson when you got arrested at the border? 46 00:01:46,523 --> 00:01:50,568 Yes. I learned not to smuggle contraband with my idiot grandson. 47 00:01:50,652 --> 00:01:54,447 But there's nothing illegal about buying poker machines. 48 00:01:54,531 --> 00:01:55,657 Till you plug them in. 49 00:01:55,740 --> 00:01:57,659 -Well, sure. -[sighs] 50 00:01:57,742 --> 00:02:00,328 Come on, what do you say? 51 00:02:00,411 --> 00:02:02,705 You, me, a panel truck. 52 00:02:02,789 --> 00:02:04,332 Biloxi or bust. 53 00:02:04,415 --> 00:02:07,961 So, I'm gonna be your partner in an illegal gambling room. 54 00:02:08,044 --> 00:02:11,589 -Hidden by a legal video store. -Connie-- 55 00:02:11,673 --> 00:02:15,009 Come on, you said you wanna drive around in an RV, see the country. 56 00:02:15,093 --> 00:02:17,303 This is that, but exciting. 57 00:02:17,387 --> 00:02:20,473 -We could go to jail. -That's the exciting part. 58 00:02:21,641 --> 00:02:23,810 [theme song playing] 59 00:02:40,618 --> 00:02:42,370 Hello, Mom, it's your son, Sheldon. 60 00:02:42,453 --> 00:02:45,373 -Hello, my son Sheldon. -I have an 8:00 a.m. class tomorrow. 61 00:02:45,456 --> 00:02:47,584 I was wondering if I could spend the night at my dorm. 62 00:02:47,667 --> 00:02:49,669 -That's fine. -Now before you answer, hear me out. 63 00:02:49,752 --> 00:02:51,754 I have a list of reasons why this is a good idea. 64 00:02:51,838 --> 00:02:54,382 -Number one-- -Sheldon, I know that you're safe there. 65 00:02:54,465 --> 00:02:55,300 It's fine. 66 00:02:55,383 --> 00:02:57,427 That's reason number four. Please don't skip ahead. 67 00:02:57,510 --> 00:02:59,304 Honey, I trust you. 68 00:02:59,387 --> 00:03:01,431 Just go to bed at a reasonable hour, 69 00:03:01,514 --> 00:03:04,392 and call if you need anything, otherwise I'll see you tomorrow. 70 00:03:04,475 --> 00:03:06,936 -Okay. Number one, I'm not-- -Goodbye, Sheldon. 71 00:03:07,687 --> 00:03:09,147 [line disconnects] 72 00:03:09,230 --> 00:03:10,857 Who hangs up on a list? 73 00:03:10,940 --> 00:03:13,192 -What's his problem now? -Nothing. 74 00:03:13,276 --> 00:03:17,322 He wants to spend the night at the dorm so he can get to an early class. 75 00:03:17,405 --> 00:03:19,240 Really? And you said okay? 76 00:03:19,324 --> 00:03:22,160 He is old enough to have an overnighter. 77 00:03:23,036 --> 00:03:27,165 And it might be nice for us to have a little alone time. 78 00:03:27,248 --> 00:03:29,042 Ooh. What about Missy? 79 00:03:29,125 --> 00:03:30,835 She's having dinner with a friend. 80 00:03:30,919 --> 00:03:34,297 So, the house to ourselves. I like it. 81 00:03:34,380 --> 00:03:35,882 -[telephone ringing] -Hold on. 82 00:03:36,966 --> 00:03:37,800 Hello? 83 00:03:37,884 --> 00:03:40,136 [Sheldon] Number two, I have my own bathroom. Number… 84 00:03:41,471 --> 00:03:42,680 Boy, that's a lot of plates. 85 00:03:42,764 --> 00:03:44,891 -What do you want, Georgie? -I just talked to Meemaw. 86 00:03:44,974 --> 00:03:46,893 She's gonna be out of town for a couple of days. 87 00:03:46,976 --> 00:03:48,102 Yeah, she told me. 88 00:03:48,811 --> 00:03:50,230 Patty melt, good choice. 89 00:03:50,897 --> 00:03:52,690 Okay. Enjoy. 90 00:03:52,774 --> 00:03:55,401 I'm worried about you being all by yourself in that big house. 91 00:03:55,485 --> 00:03:57,737 -I'll be fine. -What if there's a tornado? 92 00:03:57,820 --> 00:03:59,614 Did Meemaw show you where her hidey-hole is? 93 00:03:59,697 --> 00:04:01,449 Georgie, I'm really busy right now. 94 00:04:01,532 --> 00:04:04,577 Sorry. I'll swing by Meemaw's later. Maybe bring some takeout. 95 00:04:04,661 --> 00:04:06,704 Don't bother. They send me home with plenty of food. 96 00:04:06,788 --> 00:04:08,706 Great. Score me a patty melt, would you? 97 00:04:08,790 --> 00:04:09,624 I won't. 98 00:04:09,707 --> 00:04:11,125 I'm gonna go now. [kisses] 99 00:04:11,834 --> 00:04:12,752 What are you doing? 100 00:04:13,503 --> 00:04:14,337 Kissing our baby. 101 00:04:15,129 --> 00:04:16,923 -You want one too? -No. 102 00:04:17,632 --> 00:04:18,466 Bye-bye. 103 00:04:20,677 --> 00:04:21,552 I'm home. 104 00:04:25,181 --> 00:04:26,140 Anybody here? 105 00:04:26,808 --> 00:04:28,768 -[Mary] Missy? -Yeah? 106 00:04:29,352 --> 00:04:30,603 [Mary] You're home early. 107 00:04:30,687 --> 00:04:33,398 -It's seven o'clock. -[Mary] Is it? 108 00:04:34,399 --> 00:04:35,400 Are you sleeping? 109 00:04:36,609 --> 00:04:39,195 -[Mary] Yeah. -Where's Dad? 110 00:04:40,989 --> 00:04:43,032 -[George] I'm here. -Ugh. 111 00:04:44,659 --> 00:04:47,495 -[George] We were both just real tired. -[Missy] Please stop talking. 112 00:04:50,331 --> 00:04:52,041 [students chattering, laughing] 113 00:04:54,085 --> 00:04:55,712 [loud music playing] 114 00:04:57,296 --> 00:04:58,881 What on earth is going on? 115 00:05:01,426 --> 00:05:03,511 Ah! They're skateboarding in the hallway. 116 00:05:03,594 --> 00:05:04,887 Ah! 117 00:05:06,431 --> 00:05:08,641 This childishness cannot be allowed to continue. 118 00:05:08,725 --> 00:05:09,600 [knocks] 119 00:05:09,684 --> 00:05:11,185 Hello, I need to tattle. 120 00:05:14,564 --> 00:05:17,150 -What? -Is your room on fire? 121 00:05:18,443 --> 00:05:20,236 -No. -But I see smoke. 122 00:05:21,612 --> 00:05:22,447 Okay. 123 00:05:22,530 --> 00:05:24,073 There's people skateboarding 124 00:05:24,157 --> 00:05:25,742 and playing loud music in the hallways. 125 00:05:26,659 --> 00:05:28,369 What do you want me to do about it? 126 00:05:28,453 --> 00:05:31,122 You're the resident advisor. It's your job to enforce the rules. 127 00:05:32,415 --> 00:05:33,499 I'll get right on it. 128 00:05:34,292 --> 00:05:35,168 Thank you. 129 00:05:36,461 --> 00:05:37,712 The system works. 130 00:05:39,922 --> 00:05:41,924 [chattering and music continue] 131 00:05:45,553 --> 00:05:48,431 Ugh. I'm gonna be so cranky tomorrow. 132 00:05:54,062 --> 00:05:56,147 So how did you hear about these poker machines? 133 00:05:56,230 --> 00:05:57,482 I know a guy. 134 00:05:57,565 --> 00:05:58,941 What kind of guy? 135 00:05:59,025 --> 00:06:01,360 A guy who knows a guy. 136 00:06:01,444 --> 00:06:03,654 Well, what do you know about that guy? 137 00:06:03,738 --> 00:06:05,698 He owned a riverboat casino. 138 00:06:06,324 --> 00:06:08,701 -He owned? -He might be dead. 139 00:06:08,785 --> 00:06:09,952 Dead? 140 00:06:10,036 --> 00:06:12,914 He might not be. They never found the body. 141 00:06:12,997 --> 00:06:14,499 Oh, my God. 142 00:06:14,582 --> 00:06:17,585 -Exciting, huh? -No, it's upsetting. 143 00:06:17,668 --> 00:06:21,089 Oh, now, come on. You've been in the sporting goods business long enough. 144 00:06:21,172 --> 00:06:24,467 Haven't you ever sold a bunch of shoulder pads that fell off the back of a truck? 145 00:06:24,550 --> 00:06:28,679 Absolutely not. I buy them from a reputable company named Tuffy. 146 00:06:29,305 --> 00:06:30,306 Boring. 147 00:06:40,191 --> 00:06:42,360 -I smell your shampoo. -Oh, damn it. 148 00:06:44,028 --> 00:06:46,322 -How long have you been sitting out there? -All night. 149 00:06:46,405 --> 00:06:47,365 And why? 150 00:06:48,116 --> 00:06:50,993 [sighs] Are you familiar with the Arkham Asylum from the Batman comics? 151 00:06:51,077 --> 00:06:52,703 -No. -Well, it's a madhouse. 152 00:06:52,787 --> 00:06:54,705 As is my dormitory after the sun goes down. 153 00:06:54,789 --> 00:06:56,874 Sheldon, I am the president of this university. 154 00:06:56,958 --> 00:07:00,378 I don't handle noise complaints. That's why there's a resident advisor. 155 00:07:00,461 --> 00:07:02,880 -Oh, I went to him. -And? 156 00:07:02,964 --> 00:07:05,133 You saw me sleeping on a bench. What do you think? 157 00:07:05,216 --> 00:07:06,676 Can't you just, I don't know, 158 00:07:06,759 --> 00:07:09,303 chalk this up as a part of the college experience? 159 00:07:09,387 --> 00:07:11,597 Yeah, the clown college experience. 160 00:07:11,681 --> 00:07:13,766 Sorry, I'm cranky. [clears throat] 161 00:07:13,850 --> 00:07:17,311 I've compiled a list of reasons why I should be appointed the dormitory RA. 162 00:07:17,395 --> 00:07:19,689 -Number one-- -Fine. You're the RA. 163 00:07:20,815 --> 00:07:23,985 Okay. Number one, "I love rules. Creating them, following them, 164 00:07:24,068 --> 00:07:25,611 and, most fun of all, enforcing them." 165 00:07:25,695 --> 00:07:26,946 You're the RA, Sheldon. 166 00:07:27,613 --> 00:07:28,823 Excellent. Number two, 167 00:07:28,906 --> 00:07:31,993 "Punishment for rule infractions must be both fair and merciless." 168 00:07:36,497 --> 00:07:38,499 Ooh, eggs and pancakes. 169 00:07:38,583 --> 00:07:41,794 That's what a lumberjack gets for chopping all that wood. 170 00:07:41,878 --> 00:07:46,090 [chuckles] I'll be Paul Bunyan, and you can be my Babe the Blue fox. 171 00:07:46,174 --> 00:07:48,301 [chuckles] George. 172 00:07:49,719 --> 00:07:51,095 Ugh. Still? 173 00:07:51,179 --> 00:07:53,931 -Morning, honey. -What is happening with you two? 174 00:07:54,682 --> 00:07:56,642 -What do you mean? -Is one of you dying? 175 00:07:57,685 --> 00:08:00,396 No one's dying. Sometimes married people kiss. 176 00:08:00,479 --> 00:08:02,690 On TV maybe. Not here. 177 00:08:02,773 --> 00:08:06,486 Well, young lady, how do you think you came into this world? 178 00:08:07,445 --> 00:08:08,905 Okay, you're freaking me out. 179 00:08:11,991 --> 00:08:15,286 Here you go. As advertised. 180 00:08:19,415 --> 00:08:20,500 All right. 181 00:08:21,250 --> 00:08:22,251 Those look good. 182 00:08:22,335 --> 00:08:24,795 Wait, hold on. How do we know they work? 183 00:08:24,879 --> 00:08:27,673 What kind of operation you think I'm running here? 184 00:08:27,757 --> 00:08:30,801 Well, I don't know. The word sketchy comes to mind. 185 00:08:30,885 --> 00:08:32,220 Be cool. 186 00:08:32,303 --> 00:08:35,014 Uh, you mind if we plug a couple in? 187 00:08:35,097 --> 00:08:36,807 Mind if you show me the money? 188 00:08:36,891 --> 00:08:39,101 Sure. Turn around. 189 00:08:39,185 --> 00:08:41,812 -Why? -You want the money or not? 190 00:08:44,106 --> 00:08:45,733 -Okay. Don't weigh in. -Yes. 191 00:08:57,286 --> 00:08:59,747 Okay. 20 grand. 192 00:09:01,582 --> 00:09:02,542 Light them up. 193 00:09:06,379 --> 00:09:09,382 [machines powering up] 194 00:09:12,301 --> 00:09:15,012 That's the sexiest thing I've ever seen in my life. 195 00:09:15,763 --> 00:09:17,056 Really? 196 00:09:17,139 --> 00:09:19,350 Well, I just took my pants off. 197 00:09:19,433 --> 00:09:21,560 [Sheldon] Attention, residents of Bauer Hall. 198 00:09:21,644 --> 00:09:24,230 My name is Sheldon Cooper, and I'm your new RA. 199 00:09:24,313 --> 00:09:28,401 The age of chaos is over. I repeat, the age of chaos is over. 200 00:09:28,484 --> 00:09:30,444 Please take a moment to familiarize yourself 201 00:09:30,528 --> 00:09:33,072 with the dormitory rules posted on the bulletin board. 202 00:09:33,155 --> 00:09:36,450 Ignorance of these rules is no excuse, and violators will be… 203 00:09:41,372 --> 00:09:44,166 New rule. Unauthorized use of my bullhorn is forbidden. 204 00:09:44,250 --> 00:09:46,544 -I repeat, unauthorized-- -[student on bullhorn] Shut up. 205 00:09:47,378 --> 00:09:48,588 [knock on door] 206 00:09:50,131 --> 00:09:51,757 -Anybody home? -[sighs in exasperation] 207 00:09:52,383 --> 00:09:54,677 -Oh, good. You're here. -Hey. 208 00:09:55,219 --> 00:09:57,388 Check it out. I got this video about childbirth. 209 00:09:57,471 --> 00:10:00,224 -I thought we could watch it tonight. -That sounds awful. 210 00:10:00,308 --> 00:10:04,312 Well, it does say "Contains graphic images" right there on the box. 211 00:10:04,395 --> 00:10:07,189 -Maybe some other time, Georgie. -No worries. 212 00:10:07,273 --> 00:10:11,319 I also picked up Look Who's Talking, which is just about a baby who says stuff. 213 00:10:11,402 --> 00:10:13,904 If you're trying to make this like a date night or something, 214 00:10:13,988 --> 00:10:14,864 it's not happening. 215 00:10:14,947 --> 00:10:17,033 Oh. Who said anything about a date? 216 00:10:17,116 --> 00:10:19,493 It's just us having dinner and watching a movie. 217 00:10:19,577 --> 00:10:21,704 [scoffs] Last time we did that, I wound up pregnant. 218 00:10:21,787 --> 00:10:24,040 Hmm. That was a good date. 219 00:10:24,999 --> 00:10:27,960 -Well, that's not happening tonight. -I get it. Nothing romantic. 220 00:10:28,044 --> 00:10:30,588 Just two future parents watching the miracle of childbirth, 221 00:10:30,671 --> 00:10:33,632 or a movie that got two thumbs up from Siskel and Ebert. 222 00:10:34,550 --> 00:10:38,721 And not only that, then someone defaced my rule sheet with a drawing of testicles. 223 00:10:38,804 --> 00:10:39,805 [suppressed laugh] 224 00:10:39,889 --> 00:10:43,184 -Well, that is so immature. -I agree. 225 00:10:43,267 --> 00:10:46,228 Simply naming me dorm RA isn't enough to command respect. 226 00:10:46,312 --> 00:10:49,607 I need a physical symbol of my authority. Like the way a king had a scepter. 227 00:10:49,690 --> 00:10:51,400 So you want a scepter? 228 00:10:52,276 --> 00:10:54,779 No, that could be used against me. Oh, how about a badge? 229 00:10:54,862 --> 00:10:58,074 I'd be like a Texas Ranger who patrols the halls of a dormitory. 230 00:10:58,157 --> 00:11:00,743 Well, these are all just such terrific ideas, 231 00:11:00,826 --> 00:11:04,205 but, um, how about an official letter from my desk 232 00:11:04,288 --> 00:11:07,208 with a handwritten note attesting to your position? 233 00:11:08,000 --> 00:11:11,504 All right. To the students of Bauer Hall… 234 00:11:11,587 --> 00:11:13,130 That's your handwriting? 235 00:11:14,256 --> 00:11:18,719 [sighs] This document bestows on Sheldon Cooper 236 00:11:18,803 --> 00:11:22,556 all the powers and privileges of resident advisor. 237 00:11:22,640 --> 00:11:24,141 Bestows. I like it. 238 00:11:27,061 --> 00:11:28,604 Sloppy, but I like it. 239 00:11:29,438 --> 00:11:32,441 [pop music playing] 240 00:11:38,489 --> 00:11:39,323 Nope. 241 00:11:42,618 --> 00:11:45,037 Well, I gotta tell you, that was pretty exciting. 242 00:11:45,121 --> 00:11:46,247 I told ya. 243 00:11:46,330 --> 00:11:48,332 For a while there, it felt like Bonnie and Clyde 244 00:11:48,416 --> 00:11:50,418 without all the murder and mayhem. 245 00:11:50,501 --> 00:11:52,628 Well, the night's still young. 246 00:11:54,672 --> 00:11:57,591 So at the risk of sounding more like Bonnie than Clyde, 247 00:11:57,675 --> 00:12:00,553 uh, where do we stand in our relationship? 248 00:12:01,262 --> 00:12:03,180 You're the one who broke up with me. 249 00:12:03,264 --> 00:12:05,975 Well, maybe I've rethought the situation. 250 00:12:06,600 --> 00:12:08,227 So, you were wrong. 251 00:12:09,311 --> 00:12:12,148 I don't believe there's any right or wrong here. 252 00:12:12,231 --> 00:12:15,234 Say it. Say you were wrong. 253 00:12:16,277 --> 00:12:17,820 I do regret it. 254 00:12:17,903 --> 00:12:22,241 Because you were wrong. 255 00:12:23,701 --> 00:12:24,577 Yes. 256 00:12:25,578 --> 00:12:28,289 So what do you say? You wanna give it another chance? 257 00:12:28,372 --> 00:12:30,958 -Hang on. -Just give me a straight answer. 258 00:12:31,041 --> 00:12:32,918 I'm a big boy. I can take it. 259 00:12:33,002 --> 00:12:35,421 -I think we're being followed. -What? 260 00:12:36,630 --> 00:12:37,715 No. 261 00:12:37,798 --> 00:12:39,425 The pickup truck? 262 00:12:39,508 --> 00:12:41,343 The orange Pinto. 263 00:12:41,427 --> 00:12:44,221 I saw it when we gassed up. It's been two cars back ever since. 264 00:12:44,305 --> 00:12:46,640 I'm gonna speed up and see what happens. 265 00:12:48,851 --> 00:12:51,562 We're being followed. Are you still excited? 266 00:12:51,645 --> 00:12:54,106 -No, I'm upset. -Good. 267 00:12:54,982 --> 00:12:56,609 Then we're on a same page. 268 00:12:58,277 --> 00:13:00,196 [loud music playing] 269 00:13:01,238 --> 00:13:03,324 [knocks] Open up, it's the RA. 270 00:13:05,784 --> 00:13:07,328 -Yeah? -It's quiet hours. 271 00:13:07,411 --> 00:13:09,538 -You have to turn the music off. -Says who? 272 00:13:09,622 --> 00:13:12,249 Me, the RA. You probably didn't hear me over the music. 273 00:13:13,292 --> 00:13:14,585 Maybe this will convince you. 274 00:13:16,921 --> 00:13:19,924 Her cursive is maybe questionable, but trust me, my authority is not. 275 00:13:25,763 --> 00:13:28,307 [Sheldon] Joke's on you. I have Scotch tape. 276 00:13:30,893 --> 00:13:33,103 -I don't see him anywhere, do you? -Nope. 277 00:13:33,771 --> 00:13:34,605 Oh, man. 278 00:13:35,481 --> 00:13:38,234 Now that that's over, I'm starting to feel the excitement again. 279 00:13:38,317 --> 00:13:41,320 [chuckles] Crazy, right? I think that's the way danger works. 280 00:13:41,403 --> 00:13:44,198 -Oh, it's like a roller coaster. -[laughs] 281 00:13:44,281 --> 00:13:48,118 Well… ain't this a coincidence. 282 00:13:48,202 --> 00:13:49,703 Oh, come on. 283 00:13:52,915 --> 00:13:55,125 -What's up? -Mom and Dad are being weird. 284 00:13:55,209 --> 00:13:57,545 -Can I hang out here? -Actually, it ain't a good time. 285 00:13:57,628 --> 00:13:58,754 Come on in, Missy! 286 00:14:01,632 --> 00:14:03,342 -Dang it. -Sucker. 287 00:14:04,802 --> 00:14:07,012 Ooh, Look Who's Talking. Classic. 288 00:14:07,096 --> 00:14:10,266 Hey, did you know the baby is the guy from Die Hard? 289 00:14:10,349 --> 00:14:12,059 -No. -Yeah. 290 00:14:12,142 --> 00:14:13,978 [scoffs] He can do everything. 291 00:14:14,061 --> 00:14:16,522 -I was sitting there. -Yeah, well, now you're not. 292 00:14:16,605 --> 00:14:19,275 I'm being nice. I don't know why you gotta give me a hard time. 293 00:14:19,358 --> 00:14:21,777 Why? I'll tell you why. 294 00:14:21,861 --> 00:14:24,446 You ruined my life. Is that enough "why" for you? 295 00:14:24,530 --> 00:14:26,031 Hey, you weren't so innocent. 296 00:14:26,115 --> 00:14:28,492 If I recall, you provided alcohol to a minor. 297 00:14:28,576 --> 00:14:29,618 Me. That's illegal. 298 00:14:29,702 --> 00:14:32,246 -You lied about your age. -You lied first. 299 00:14:32,329 --> 00:14:34,415 Okay. Let's not do this in front of your sister. 300 00:14:34,498 --> 00:14:36,709 That actually feels normal. Keep going. 301 00:14:37,543 --> 00:14:39,670 And let's not forget, I only lied 'cause you're hot. 302 00:14:39,753 --> 00:14:41,130 [Mandy] Oh, my God. 303 00:14:41,213 --> 00:14:44,508 We don't need to watch a movie about a talking baby. You're right here. 304 00:14:46,218 --> 00:14:48,220 -Oh, lock the door. Lock the door. -No one's home. 305 00:14:48,304 --> 00:14:49,430 Just in case. 306 00:14:51,974 --> 00:14:53,726 [both chuckling] 307 00:14:55,603 --> 00:14:59,273 I have a wild and crazy idea. 308 00:14:59,356 --> 00:15:00,858 Ooh, I like where this is heading. 309 00:15:01,817 --> 00:15:03,861 Let's make a baby. 310 00:15:05,154 --> 00:15:06,530 You're kidding, right? 311 00:15:06,614 --> 00:15:10,743 I don't know. It might be fun to start over. 312 00:15:10,826 --> 00:15:13,162 Fun? What house have you been living in? 313 00:15:13,245 --> 00:15:14,747 I'm serious. 314 00:15:14,830 --> 00:15:17,666 We've been getting along so great, 315 00:15:17,750 --> 00:15:20,336 and I have all this extra time on my hands. 316 00:15:20,419 --> 00:15:22,296 -Uh, let's take advantage. -[scoffs] 317 00:15:22,379 --> 00:15:24,757 Your son's about to have a baby. You can take care of that. 318 00:15:24,840 --> 00:15:26,759 No, my mother called dibs. 319 00:15:26,842 --> 00:15:28,427 Your mother's a million years old. 320 00:15:28,510 --> 00:15:30,846 She's gonna be changing diapers in the middle of the night? 321 00:15:30,930 --> 00:15:33,140 -[scoffs] -I'll tell you what your problem is. 322 00:15:33,223 --> 00:15:34,767 You got kicked out of your church, 323 00:15:34,850 --> 00:15:37,728 your… your kids are growing up, you're feeling sorry for yourself, 324 00:15:37,811 --> 00:15:40,397 and… and you think a baby will solve the problem. 325 00:15:43,067 --> 00:15:44,443 Well, say something. 326 00:15:45,986 --> 00:15:48,113 You make me so mad. 327 00:15:49,740 --> 00:15:51,116 Where are you going? 328 00:15:51,200 --> 00:15:52,826 We could still do it mad! 329 00:15:54,578 --> 00:15:56,664 So, what do you want, uh… 330 00:15:58,290 --> 00:16:01,293 -Dennis. -Right. Dennis. 331 00:16:02,252 --> 00:16:03,462 Tough name. 332 00:16:03,545 --> 00:16:06,215 So what do you want, Dennis? 333 00:16:06,298 --> 00:16:10,386 Couldn't help noticing you got Texas plates on that truck. 334 00:16:10,469 --> 00:16:14,473 Operating poker machines ain't legal in Texas. 335 00:16:14,556 --> 00:16:16,892 -So what are you, a cop? -No, no. 336 00:16:16,976 --> 00:16:19,937 I'm just a guy who might call the cops, you know, 337 00:16:20,020 --> 00:16:22,773 if we don't come to an arrangement. 338 00:16:22,856 --> 00:16:24,191 [waitress] Can I take your order? 339 00:16:24,274 --> 00:16:28,237 Thank you, honey. You know, I got a hankering for chicken fried steak. 340 00:16:28,320 --> 00:16:31,281 Gravy on top. But only if it's cream gravy. 341 00:16:31,365 --> 00:16:34,993 And the mashed potatoes with more cream gravy on top. 342 00:16:35,077 --> 00:16:38,664 And, uh, iced tea when you can. 343 00:16:38,747 --> 00:16:40,416 No gravy on that. 344 00:16:41,917 --> 00:16:43,210 And how about for you two? 345 00:16:44,420 --> 00:16:45,963 I'm gonna use your restroom. 346 00:16:46,964 --> 00:16:48,674 He knows what I like. 347 00:16:48,757 --> 00:16:50,884 -You're leaving? -Uh-huh. 348 00:16:51,677 --> 00:16:52,803 I gotta tinkle. 349 00:16:56,098 --> 00:17:00,144 Uh… I guess I'll have waffles, 350 00:17:00,227 --> 00:17:01,103 and the lady… 351 00:17:02,146 --> 00:17:03,605 will have… [clears throat] 352 00:17:05,566 --> 00:17:06,775 …also waffles. 353 00:17:09,653 --> 00:17:13,532 -So, what do you think? -Well, Dennis, I'm not the guy to talk to. 354 00:17:13,615 --> 00:17:17,244 Uh, why don't we wait for the boss to finish tinkling? 355 00:17:21,165 --> 00:17:23,625 But I do gotta tell you, this is my first shakedown. 356 00:17:23,709 --> 00:17:25,294 Don't think of it like that. 357 00:17:25,961 --> 00:17:27,713 It's just a business arrangement. 358 00:17:27,796 --> 00:17:30,174 Well, I've been a businessman for 38 years, 359 00:17:30,257 --> 00:17:32,801 and I don't think I've ever been threatened before. [chuckles] 360 00:17:32,885 --> 00:17:34,762 What kind of business you in? 361 00:17:37,973 --> 00:17:40,309 -Hello! -Huh? 362 00:17:40,392 --> 00:17:42,811 What kind of business you in? 363 00:17:46,523 --> 00:17:48,192 -Groomer. -Mmm. 364 00:17:48,275 --> 00:17:49,860 Dog groomer, yeah. 365 00:17:49,943 --> 00:17:51,612 And cats if you make me, but… 366 00:17:52,279 --> 00:17:53,947 I pretty much love the doggies. 367 00:17:54,948 --> 00:17:57,868 -[Dennis] You ever do birds? -No. Mmm-mmm. 368 00:17:57,951 --> 00:18:00,871 Birds got feathers, and they're… they're self-grooming. 369 00:18:00,954 --> 00:18:01,872 [indistinct] 370 00:18:01,955 --> 00:18:05,084 You know, I always thought cats were self-grooming. 371 00:18:05,167 --> 00:18:06,960 Well, people think that, but no. 372 00:18:07,044 --> 00:18:10,089 Well, you gotta… you gotta dip a cat once in a while. 373 00:18:12,341 --> 00:18:13,509 Well, okay then. 374 00:18:14,760 --> 00:18:16,178 Where are you going? 375 00:18:16,261 --> 00:18:18,597 Dennis, I am really sorry about this. 376 00:18:26,355 --> 00:18:27,356 [pounding on door] 377 00:18:29,775 --> 00:18:31,902 -May I help you? -There is no hot water. 378 00:18:31,985 --> 00:18:33,487 There is for rule followers. 379 00:18:33,570 --> 00:18:35,572 -You can't just turn off the hot water. -Yeah. 380 00:18:35,656 --> 00:18:38,951 If you want the benefits of civilization, you have to behave in a civilized manner. 381 00:18:39,034 --> 00:18:40,619 The decision is yours. 382 00:18:42,287 --> 00:18:43,121 [loud music playing] 383 00:18:43,205 --> 00:18:45,582 I don't need a pen and paper to take names. 384 00:18:45,666 --> 00:18:47,042 You, what's your name? 385 00:18:47,126 --> 00:18:49,378 You know I'll find out. And there will be consequences. 386 00:18:49,461 --> 00:18:50,963 Hey, what are you… 387 00:18:51,046 --> 00:18:54,007 [muffled] 388 00:18:56,093 --> 00:18:59,096 [theme music playing] . And there will be consequences.