[Sheldon] Previously on Young Sheldon…
Arrested?
Well, they're probably gonna have to pay some fine
and… and they're gonna need cash.
What the hell?
What are you doing here?
I'm saving you.
Well, damn.
Look, you're just a kid, okay? You don't understand what's going on here.
I know my mom lost her job and got kicked out of the church
because you won't marry my brother.
-Where are you going? -To dance.
I didn't think you Baptists did that.
We don't drink either.
-The kids asleep? -Yeah.
You wanna fool around?
-Are you messing with me? -I'm hoping to.
Well, hot diggity dog.
Hey.
Oh, thanks for coming.
Sounded important. What's going on?
-Walk with me. -Okay.
-You know that money I owe you? -Oh, you got it?
Yes and no.
Uh, well, which is it?
Yes, I got it.
No, I'm not giving it to you.
I want to give you a once in a lifetime opportunity.
[slot machines beeping]
Well, I prefer my money.
Do you see any unoccupied machines here?
-No. -Exactly.
We are at capacity.
It's time to expand.
Where?
The video store right behind that wall…
just lost its lease.
Oh, heck, I was gonna pick up the new John Candy.
Well, as my partner in this enterprise,
you can get that new John Candy for free.
So you're gonna buy a video store?
Video store in the front,
video poker in the back.
-Where are you getting the poker machines? -Biloxi, Mississippi.
Oh. You didn't learn a lesson when you got arrested at the border?
Yes. I learned not to smuggle contraband with my idiot grandson.
But there's nothing illegal about buying poker machines.
Till you plug them in.
-Well, sure. -[sighs]
Come on, what do you say?
You, me, a panel truck.
Biloxi or bust.
So, I'm gonna be your partner in an illegal gambling room.
-Hidden by a legal video store. -Connie--
Come on, you said you wanna drive around in an RV, see the country.
This is that, but exciting.
-We could go to jail. -That's the exciting part.
[theme song playing]
Hello, Mom, it's your son, Sheldon.
-Hello, my son Sheldon. -I have an 8:00 a.m. class tomorrow.
I was wondering if I could spend the night at my dorm.
-That's fine. -Now before you answer, hear me out.
I have a list of reasons why this is a good idea.
-Number one-- -Sheldon, I know that you're safe there.
It's fine.
That's reason number four. Please don't skip ahead.
Honey, I trust you.
Just go to bed at a reasonable hour,
and call if you need anything, otherwise I'll see you tomorrow.
-Okay. Number one, I'm not-- -Goodbye, Sheldon.
[line disconnects]
Who hangs up on a list?
-What's his problem now? -Nothing.
He wants to spend the night at the dorm so he can get to an early class.
Really? And you said okay?
He is old enough to have an overnighter.
And it might be nice for us to have a little alone time.
Ooh. What about Missy?
She's having dinner with a friend.
So, the house to ourselves. I like it.
-[telephone ringing] -Hold on.
Hello?
[Sheldon] Number two, I have my own bathroom. Number…
Boy, that's a lot of plates.
-What do you want, Georgie? -I just talked to Meemaw.
She's gonna be out of town for a couple of days.
Yeah, she told me.
Patty melt, good choice.
Okay. Enjoy.
I'm worried about you being all by yourself in that big house.
-I'll be fine. -What if there's a tornado?
Did Meemaw show you where her hidey-hole is?
Georgie, I'm really busy right now.
Sorry. I'll swing by Meemaw's later. Maybe bring some takeout.
Don't bother. They send me home with plenty of food.
Great. Score me a patty melt, would you?
I won't.
I'm gonna go now. [kisses]
What are you doing?
Kissing our baby.
-You want one too? -No.
Bye-bye.
I'm home.
Anybody here?
-[Mary] Missy? -Yeah?
[Mary] You're home early.
-It's seven o'clock. -[Mary] Is it?
Are you sleeping?
-[Mary] Yeah. -Where's Dad?
-[George] I'm here. -Ugh.
-[George] We were both just real tired. -[Missy] Please stop talking.
[students chattering, laughing]
[loud music playing]
What on earth is going on?
Ah! They're skateboarding in the hallway.
Ah!
This childishness cannot be allowed to continue.
[knocks]
Hello, I need to tattle.
-What? -Is your room on fire?
-No. -But I see smoke.
Okay.
There's people skateboarding
and playing loud music in the hallways.
What do you want me to do about it?
You're the resident advisor. It's your job to enforce the rules.
I'll get right on it.
Thank you.
The system works.
[chattering and music continue]
Ugh. I'm gonna be so cranky tomorrow.
So how did you hear about these poker machines?
I know a guy.
What kind of guy?
A guy who knows a guy.
Well, what do you know about that guy?
He owned a riverboat casino.
-He owned? -He might be dead.
Dead?
He might not be. They never found the body.
Oh, my God.
-Exciting, huh? -No, it's upsetting.
Oh, now, come on. You've been in the sporting goods business long enough.
Haven't you ever sold a bunch of shoulder pads that fell off the back of a truck?
Absolutely not. I buy them from a reputable company named Tuffy.
Boring.
-I smell your shampoo. -Oh, damn it.
-How long have you been sitting out there? -All night.
And why?
[sighs] Are you familiar with the Arkham Asylum from the Batman comics?
-No. -Well, it's a madhouse.
As is my dormitory after the sun goes down.
Sheldon, I am the president of this university.
I don't handle noise complaints. That's why there's a resident advisor.
-Oh, I went to him. -And?
You saw me sleeping on a bench. What do you think?
Can't you just, I don't know,
chalk this up as a part of the college experience?
Yeah, the clown college experience.
Sorry, I'm cranky. [clears throat]
I've compiled a list of reasons why I should be appointed the dormitory RA.
-Number one-- -Fine. You're the RA.
Okay. Number one, "I love rules. Creating them, following them,
and, most fun of all, enforcing them."
You're the RA, Sheldon.
Excellent. Number two,
"Punishment for rule infractions must be both fair and merciless."
Ooh, eggs and pancakes.
That's what a lumberjack gets for chopping all that wood.
[chuckles] I'll be Paul Bunyan, and you can be my Babe the Blue fox.
[chuckles] George.
Ugh. Still?
-Morning, honey. -What is happening with you two?
-What do you mean? -Is one of you dying?
No one's dying. Sometimes married people kiss.
On TV maybe. Not here.
Well, young lady, how do you think you came into this world?
Okay, you're freaking me out.
Here you go. As advertised.
All right.
Those look good.
Wait, hold on. How do we know they work?
What kind of operation you think I'm running here?
Well, I don't know. The word sketchy comes to mind.
Be cool.
Uh, you mind if we plug a couple in?
Mind if you show me the money?
Sure. Turn around.
-Why? -You want the money or not?
-Okay. Don't weigh in. -Yes.
Okay. 20 grand.
Light them up.
[machines powering up]
That's the sexiest thing I've ever seen in my life.
Really?
Well, I just took my pants off.
[Sheldon] Attention, residents of Bauer Hall.
My name is Sheldon Cooper, and I'm your new RA.
The age of chaos is over. I repeat, the age of chaos is over.
Please take a moment to familiarize yourself
with the dormitory rules posted on the bulletin board.
Ignorance of these rules is no excuse, and violators will be…
New rule. Unauthorized use of my bullhorn is forbidden.
-I repeat, unauthorized-- -[student on bullhorn] Shut up.
[knock on door]
-Anybody home? -[sighs in exasperation]
-Oh, good. You're here. -Hey.
Check it out. I got this video about childbirth.
-I thought we could watch it tonight. -That sounds awful.
Well, it does say "Contains graphic images" right there on the box.
-Maybe some other time, Georgie. -No worries.
I also picked up Look Who's Talking, which is just about a baby who says stuff.
If you're trying to make this like a date night or something,
it's not happening.
Oh. Who said anything about a date?
It's just us having dinner and watching a movie.
[scoffs] Last time we did that, I wound up pregnant.
Hmm. That was a good date.
-Well, that's not happening tonight. -I get it. Nothing romantic.
Just two future parents watching the miracle of childbirth,
or a movie that got two thumbs up from Siskel and Ebert.
And not only that, then someone defaced my rule sheet with a drawing of testicles.
[suppressed laugh]
-Well, that is so immature. -I agree.
Simply naming me dorm RA isn't enough to command respect.
I need a physical symbol of my authority. Like the way a king had a scepter.
So you want a scepter?
No, that could be used against me. Oh, how about a badge?
I'd be like a Texas Ranger who patrols the halls of a dormitory.
Well, these are all just such terrific ideas,
but, um, how about an official letter from my desk
with a handwritten note attesting to your position?
All right. To the students of Bauer Hall…
That's your handwriting?
[sighs] This document bestows on Sheldon Cooper
all the powers and privileges of resident advisor.
Bestows. I like it.
Sloppy, but I like it.
[pop music playing]
Nope.
Well, I gotta tell you, that was pretty exciting.
I told ya.
For a while there, it felt like Bonnie and Clyde
without all the murder and mayhem.
Well, the night's still young.
So at the risk of sounding more like Bonnie than Clyde,
uh, where do we stand in our relationship?
You're the one who broke up with me.
Well, maybe I've rethought the situation.
So, you were wrong.
I don't believe there's any right or wrong here.
Say it. Say you were wrong.
I do regret it.
Because you were wrong.
Yes.
So what do you say? You wanna give it another chance?
-Hang on. -Just give me a straight answer.
I'm a big boy. I can take it.
-I think we're being followed. -What?
No.
The pickup truck?
The orange Pinto.
I saw it when we gassed up. It's been two cars back ever since.
I'm gonna speed up and see what happens.
We're being followed. Are you still excited?
-No, I'm upset. -Good.
Then we're on a same page.
[loud music playing]
[knocks] Open up, it's the RA.
-Yeah? -It's quiet hours.
-You have to turn the music off. -Says who?
Me, the RA. You probably didn't hear me over the music.
Maybe this will convince you.
Her cursive is maybe questionable, but trust me, my authority is not.
[Sheldon] Joke's on you. I have Scotch tape.
-I don't see him anywhere, do you? -Nope.
Oh, man.
Now that that's over, I'm starting to feel the excitement again.
[chuckles] Crazy, right? I think that's the way danger works.
-Oh, it's like a roller coaster. -[laughs]
Well… ain't this a coincidence.
Oh, come on.
-What's up? -Mom and Dad are being weird.
-Can I hang out here? -Actually, it ain't a good time.
Come on in, Missy!
-Dang it. -Sucker.
Ooh, Look Who's Talking. Classic.
Hey, did you know the baby is the guy from Die Hard?
-No. -Yeah.
[scoffs] He can do everything.
-I was sitting there. -Yeah, well, now you're not.
I'm being nice. I don't know why you gotta give me a hard time.
Why? I'll tell you why.
You ruined my life. Is that enough "why" for you?
Hey, you weren't so innocent.
If I recall, you provided alcohol to a minor.
Me. That's illegal.
-You lied about your age. -You lied first.
Okay. Let's not do this in front of your sister.
That actually feels normal. Keep going.
And let's not forget, I only lied 'cause you're hot.
[Mandy] Oh, my God.
We don't need to watch a movie about a talking baby. You're right here.
-Oh, lock the door. Lock the door. -No one's home.
Just in case.
[both chuckling]
I have a wild and crazy idea.
Ooh, I like where this is heading.
Let's make a baby.
You're kidding, right?
I don't know. It might be fun to start over.
Fun? What house have you been living in?
I'm serious.
We've been getting along so great,
and I have all this extra time on my hands.
-Uh, let's take advantage. -[scoffs]
Your son's about to have a baby. You can take care of that.
No, my mother called dibs.
Your mother's a million years old.
She's gonna be changing diapers in the middle of the night?
-[scoffs] -I'll tell you what your problem is.
You got kicked out of your church,
your… your kids are growing up, you're feeling sorry for yourself,
and… and you think a baby will solve the problem.
Well, say something.
You make me so mad.
Where are you going?
We could still do it mad!
So, what do you want, uh…
-Dennis. -Right. Dennis.
Tough name.
So what do you want, Dennis?
Couldn't help noticing you got Texas plates on that truck.
Operating poker machines ain't legal in Texas.
-So what are you, a cop? -No, no.
I'm just a guy who might call the cops, you know,
if we don't come to an arrangement.
[waitress] Can I take your order?
Thank you, honey. You know, I got a hankering for chicken fried steak.
Gravy on top. But only if it's cream gravy.
And the mashed potatoes with more cream gravy on top.
And, uh, iced tea when you can.
No gravy on that.
And how about for you two?
I'm gonna use your restroom.
He knows what I like.
-You're leaving? -Uh-huh.
I gotta tinkle.
Uh… I guess I'll have waffles,
and the lady…
will have… [clears throat]
…also waffles.
-So, what do you think? -Well, Dennis, I'm not the guy to talk to.
Uh, why don't we wait for the boss to finish tinkling?
But I do gotta tell you, this is my first shakedown.
Don't think of it like that.
It's just a business arrangement.
Well, I've been a businessman for 38 years,
and I don't think I've ever been threatened before. [chuckles]
What kind of business you in?
-Hello! -Huh?
What kind of business you in?
-Groomer. -Mmm.
Dog groomer, yeah.
And cats if you make me, but…
I pretty much love the doggies.
-[Dennis] You ever do birds? -No. Mmm-mmm.
Birds got feathers, and they're… they're self-grooming.
[indistinct]
You know, I always thought cats were self-grooming.
Well, people think that, but no.
Well, you gotta… you gotta dip a cat once in a while.
Well, okay then.
Where are you going?
Dennis, I am really sorry about this.
[pounding on door]
-May I help you? -There is no hot water.
There is for rule followers.
-You can't just turn off the hot water. -Yeah.
If you want the benefits of civilization, you have to behave in a civilized manner.
The decision is yours.
[loud music playing]
I don't need a pen and paper to take names.
You, what's your name?
You know I'll find out. And there will be consequences.
Hey, what are you…
[muffled]
[theme music playing] . And there will be consequences.