1 00:00:00,041 --> 00:00:01,459 [Mary] Previously on Young Sheldon… 2 00:00:01,543 --> 00:00:04,170 -You got a roommate? -No, it's a single. 3 00:00:04,254 --> 00:00:05,338 I have a chaperone. 4 00:00:05,422 --> 00:00:06,881 Why do you need a chaperone? 5 00:00:06,965 --> 00:00:09,426 Maybe they think I'm, like, some kind of trouble maker. 6 00:00:09,509 --> 00:00:12,053 As the owner of the face you punched, they're right. 7 00:00:12,137 --> 00:00:12,971 Do you play D&D? 8 00:00:13,054 --> 00:00:17,267 No, I actually just sit in my dorm room and study because I have no friends. 9 00:00:17,350 --> 00:00:18,768 -That's a bummer. -[Paige] Yeah. 10 00:00:18,852 --> 00:00:20,311 I think I'm going to go. 11 00:00:21,229 --> 00:00:22,230 Bye. 12 00:00:23,356 --> 00:00:24,733 You should go after her. 13 00:00:25,442 --> 00:00:27,360 Why? She's a bummer. You just said so. 14 00:00:30,822 --> 00:00:34,451 [adult Sheldon] Many cultures throughout the world relied on percussion 15 00:00:34,534 --> 00:00:36,453 to send messages across long distances. 16 00:00:36,536 --> 00:00:41,166 For example, the West African dundun was used to imitate human speech… 17 00:00:41,249 --> 00:00:42,208 [drums playing] 18 00:00:43,126 --> 00:00:44,711 …while I used my fist, 19 00:00:44,794 --> 00:00:47,422 the wall of my dorm and Morse Code to send a message. 20 00:00:48,006 --> 00:00:49,674 [knocking on wall] 21 00:00:51,259 --> 00:00:53,720 That's just the letter "H." What does that mean? 22 00:00:56,056 --> 00:00:58,141 -Yeah? -I'm here to talk to you about your music 23 00:00:58,224 --> 00:00:59,851 and your abysmal Morse Code skills. 24 00:00:59,934 --> 00:01:02,437 -What? -Four dots is just the letter "H." 25 00:01:02,520 --> 00:01:03,813 Was your message, "Huh?" 26 00:01:03,897 --> 00:01:04,814 What? 27 00:01:07,275 --> 00:01:08,109 Paige? 28 00:01:09,819 --> 00:01:10,695 Sheldon. 29 00:01:11,321 --> 00:01:12,197 You know him? 30 00:01:12,280 --> 00:01:13,990 Yeah. No, we go way back. 31 00:01:14,074 --> 00:01:15,116 What are you doing here? 32 00:01:15,784 --> 00:01:17,786 Would you believe me if I told you I was working 33 00:01:17,869 --> 00:01:20,205 on a femtosecond laser in the engineering department? 34 00:01:20,288 --> 00:01:22,207 -Yes. -Then that. 35 00:01:22,957 --> 00:01:24,793 You know she's not old enough to drink beer? 36 00:01:24,876 --> 00:01:27,462 -I'm not old enough to drink beer. -Yeah, go inside. 37 00:01:28,213 --> 00:01:29,130 Come here. 38 00:01:30,799 --> 00:01:33,176 Did I convince you that drinking is wrong? Good for me. 39 00:01:33,259 --> 00:01:34,385 Just leave me alone. 40 00:01:34,469 --> 00:01:36,054 Well, what are you doing here? 41 00:01:36,137 --> 00:01:37,305 I'm trying to have fun, 42 00:01:37,388 --> 00:01:39,349 and I don't want them to know how old I am. 43 00:01:39,432 --> 00:01:41,601 -Why? -Because I want them to think 44 00:01:41,684 --> 00:01:42,519 that I'm cool. 45 00:01:43,102 --> 00:01:44,729 You're smart. What's cooler than that? 46 00:01:44,813 --> 00:01:46,564 Just go away. 47 00:01:46,648 --> 00:01:49,275 Hey, we're fixing to play some beer pong. You in? 48 00:01:49,359 --> 00:01:51,486 -You should know, she is not-- -Not had dinner. 49 00:01:51,569 --> 00:01:54,614 I have not had dinner yet. So, we are going to go and get some food. 50 00:01:54,697 --> 00:01:56,282 -We are? -Do you have cash? 51 00:01:56,366 --> 00:01:59,994 Of course, I always have an emergency $20, plus four quarters for the telephone. 52 00:02:00,078 --> 00:02:01,663 Twenty-one bucks? Okay, you're buying. 53 00:02:01,746 --> 00:02:03,122 We're going the wrong way. 54 00:02:03,206 --> 00:02:04,791 Hey! Well, I'm drunk. You lead. 55 00:02:06,209 --> 00:02:08,211 [theme song playing] 56 00:02:24,602 --> 00:02:27,522 Here, take a look at this. Does this look like tuna to you? 57 00:02:27,605 --> 00:02:29,149 [laughs] 58 00:02:29,232 --> 00:02:30,358 What am I watching? 59 00:02:30,984 --> 00:02:33,736 It's called Dinosaurs, it's like The Flintstones, 60 00:02:33,820 --> 00:02:36,197 only with dinosaurs. Come on. 61 00:02:36,281 --> 00:02:37,532 That's dumb. 62 00:02:37,615 --> 00:02:40,118 [Dale] Well, they talk. He's got a job. It's fun. 63 00:02:40,201 --> 00:02:43,288 Wasn't The Flintstones, just The Honeymooners? 64 00:02:43,955 --> 00:02:45,832 Huh. I never even thought about that. 65 00:02:45,915 --> 00:02:47,917 Well, see, you just kind of ruined it for me. 66 00:02:48,001 --> 00:02:49,210 Good. 67 00:02:49,294 --> 00:02:50,295 Hey. 68 00:02:50,378 --> 00:02:52,922 Please tell me you brought some movies home. 69 00:02:53,006 --> 00:02:54,799 -Tootsie? -Ooh. Thank you. 70 00:02:54,883 --> 00:02:55,884 [Dale] Well, really? 71 00:02:55,967 --> 00:02:58,469 We're supposed to believe Dustin Hoffman is a woman? 72 00:02:58,553 --> 00:03:00,638 But we believe talking dinosaurs? 73 00:03:02,140 --> 00:03:03,224 Okay, I'll leave you to it. 74 00:03:03,808 --> 00:03:06,519 -Little late to start a movie. -It's eight o'clock. 75 00:03:06,603 --> 00:03:08,062 We're saying the same thing. 76 00:03:08,146 --> 00:03:09,188 So you wanna go home? 77 00:03:09,272 --> 00:03:11,816 Well, I don't know. I stayed here last night. 78 00:03:12,442 --> 00:03:14,861 -So? -So, two nights in a row. 79 00:03:14,944 --> 00:03:16,905 At what point are we living together? 80 00:03:17,530 --> 00:03:18,823 Fine. Go home. 81 00:03:19,490 --> 00:03:21,993 I'm okay with staying. You're the independent one. 82 00:03:22,660 --> 00:03:24,871 If you want to stay, stay. If you want to go, go. 83 00:03:24,954 --> 00:03:27,874 Well, fine. I'll stay if you're gonna beg. 84 00:03:28,666 --> 00:03:30,460 [TV playing indistinctly] 85 00:03:30,543 --> 00:03:33,630 Are you still inebriated, or can we have an intelligent conversation? 86 00:03:34,380 --> 00:03:35,256 Both. 87 00:03:36,507 --> 00:03:38,760 You do realize that alcohol kills brain cells? 88 00:03:39,427 --> 00:03:41,471 Yeah, but it also makes life tolerable. 89 00:03:41,554 --> 00:03:44,307 -What do you mean? -Well, talking to you is usually annoying. 90 00:03:44,390 --> 00:03:46,559 So, you're what's called a "mean drunk". Noted. 91 00:03:46,643 --> 00:03:47,936 I'm messing with you. 92 00:03:48,019 --> 00:03:51,439 It's just, sometimes life sucks, and it's easier not to deal with it. 93 00:03:52,440 --> 00:03:53,816 Could you be more specific? 94 00:03:54,442 --> 00:03:55,318 Um… 95 00:03:56,527 --> 00:03:58,571 Well, I have no friends. 96 00:03:58,655 --> 00:03:59,906 I don't fit in anywhere. 97 00:03:59,989 --> 00:04:02,700 And I dropped out of college, but I'm too young to get a job. 98 00:04:04,077 --> 00:04:06,204 So, killing brain cells makes it easier. 99 00:04:07,538 --> 00:04:08,748 Huh. 100 00:04:09,457 --> 00:04:11,501 Go ahead, smart guy. Fix me. 101 00:04:13,544 --> 00:04:14,545 Hm. 102 00:04:14,671 --> 00:04:16,005 Well, give me a minute… 103 00:04:18,216 --> 00:04:19,926 [music playing on TV] 104 00:04:21,260 --> 00:04:23,972 Well, how do they not see that's Dustin Hoffman? 105 00:04:24,931 --> 00:04:25,848 I buy it. 106 00:04:26,849 --> 00:04:29,936 So, if I put on a wig and lipstick, you'd think I was a chick? 107 00:04:30,019 --> 00:04:31,854 [chuckles] Only one way to find out. 108 00:04:32,855 --> 00:04:33,898 Nice try. 109 00:04:34,899 --> 00:04:37,026 You do have some pretty nice legs, though. 110 00:04:39,904 --> 00:04:42,448 Well, if you want, we could pause the movie. 111 00:04:42,532 --> 00:04:43,700 I'll let you touch 'em. 112 00:04:45,159 --> 00:04:46,369 Lucky me. 113 00:04:47,537 --> 00:04:50,206 So, I'm assuming you haven't taken the DARE pledge. 114 00:04:50,957 --> 00:04:52,875 -The what? -DARE. It's an acronym. 115 00:04:52,959 --> 00:04:55,336 It stands for Drug Abuse Resistance Education. 116 00:04:55,420 --> 00:04:57,463 It's not too late. You can take it now. 117 00:04:57,547 --> 00:05:01,134 I promise not to do drugs, to avoid violence, 118 00:05:01,217 --> 00:05:03,886 to be responsible and to make responsible choices. 119 00:05:03,970 --> 00:05:05,013 Now you say it. 120 00:05:05,805 --> 00:05:07,890 -No. -I dare you. 121 00:05:08,391 --> 00:05:10,768 Clever, right? Because I still have all my brain cells. 122 00:05:10,852 --> 00:05:12,520 Sheldon, just eat your pizza. 123 00:05:15,606 --> 00:05:18,192 Hey, you guys going to a party? 124 00:05:18,276 --> 00:05:19,569 Gamma Kappa house. 125 00:05:19,652 --> 00:05:20,778 Cool. 126 00:05:20,862 --> 00:05:21,988 Mm. 127 00:05:22,071 --> 00:05:24,866 You know, Officer McDaniel was in charge of our DARE program. 128 00:05:24,949 --> 00:05:26,034 One time he even brought in 129 00:05:26,117 --> 00:05:28,453 his drug sniffing dog, Alfie, which I didn't care for, 130 00:05:28,536 --> 00:05:31,247 but it was nice to see a dog employed and off the streets. 131 00:05:32,832 --> 00:05:35,543 [Meemaw] Really? You're going to leave your socks on? 132 00:05:35,626 --> 00:05:38,254 -[Dale] My feet get cold. -[Meemaw] Take 'em off. 133 00:05:38,337 --> 00:05:39,338 [Dale] What do you care? 134 00:05:39,422 --> 00:05:41,132 [Meemaw] Feels like a lack of commitment. 135 00:05:41,215 --> 00:05:42,050 [Dale] Fine. 136 00:05:43,384 --> 00:05:46,054 [Meemaw] When was the last time you cut your toenails? 137 00:05:46,137 --> 00:05:47,013 [Dale] I don't know. 138 00:05:47,096 --> 00:05:50,516 [Meemaw] You look like something that can swoop down and pick up a squirrel. 139 00:05:50,600 --> 00:05:51,809 [knocking on door] 140 00:05:52,727 --> 00:05:54,854 Look who's here? Come on in. 141 00:05:55,813 --> 00:05:57,690 -Thanks. -Everything okay? 142 00:05:57,774 --> 00:05:59,734 Mind if I hang out here with y'all? 143 00:05:59,817 --> 00:06:01,069 Come on, Mama. 144 00:06:01,736 --> 00:06:03,112 Need a break from Connie? 145 00:06:04,280 --> 00:06:07,158 I'm just trying to give her and Dale some privacy. 146 00:06:09,035 --> 00:06:09,952 -Gross. -Oh. 147 00:06:10,036 --> 00:06:10,912 What? 148 00:06:12,455 --> 00:06:14,457 Ugh! Nasty. 149 00:06:15,333 --> 00:06:16,167 It's sex, right? 150 00:06:16,250 --> 00:06:17,126 [softly] Yeah. 151 00:06:17,877 --> 00:06:20,463 Missy's at a sleepover, if you want to use her room. 152 00:06:20,546 --> 00:06:22,173 I might take you up on that. 153 00:06:22,256 --> 00:06:24,634 You'll be safe here. They never do anything. 154 00:06:26,761 --> 00:06:28,429 [people chattering indistinctly] 155 00:06:29,680 --> 00:06:30,848 What are we doing here? 156 00:06:31,974 --> 00:06:33,309 It's a party, Sheldon. 157 00:06:33,392 --> 00:06:35,686 But we weren't invited. I didn't bring a gift. 158 00:06:36,479 --> 00:06:38,022 Then go home. 159 00:06:38,564 --> 00:06:39,690 Wait, this is dangerous. 160 00:06:40,233 --> 00:06:41,484 [adult Sheldon] There I stood, 161 00:06:41,567 --> 00:06:44,487 the classic hero outside the dragon's cave. 162 00:06:44,570 --> 00:06:47,490 Should I risk life and limb to save the maiden? 163 00:06:47,573 --> 00:06:49,742 My every instinct said "no." 164 00:06:50,701 --> 00:06:53,371 But I drank a lot of root beer and really had to go pee-pee. 165 00:06:56,541 --> 00:06:59,252 -[rock music playing] -[people chattering indistinctly] 166 00:07:03,798 --> 00:07:04,674 Hell does exist. 167 00:07:06,425 --> 00:07:09,011 Excuse me, where's the nearest restroom? 168 00:07:11,431 --> 00:07:13,683 Hey, look! Pee-wee Herman's at our party! 169 00:07:13,766 --> 00:07:18,646 [all] Pee-wee! Pee-wee! Pee-wee! Pee-wee! 170 00:07:18,729 --> 00:07:19,897 The hell continues. 171 00:07:19,981 --> 00:07:21,858 Pee-wee! Pee-wee! 172 00:07:22,567 --> 00:07:23,443 [toilet flushing] 173 00:07:27,321 --> 00:07:28,281 Oh, thank goodness. 174 00:07:29,198 --> 00:07:30,116 Come on! 175 00:07:30,199 --> 00:07:32,076 Hey! There's a line. 176 00:07:36,455 --> 00:07:37,999 Oh, boy. New hell. 177 00:07:41,586 --> 00:07:43,421 -[Dale groans] -What? What? 178 00:07:43,504 --> 00:07:45,089 Charley horse! Charley horse! 179 00:07:45,173 --> 00:07:46,215 What do… what do I do? 180 00:07:46,299 --> 00:07:48,968 I don't know. I don't-- Here, rub it. Rub it. Rub it. 181 00:07:49,051 --> 00:07:51,262 Well, that's kinda how this whole thing got started. 182 00:07:51,345 --> 00:07:52,346 That's not funny. 183 00:07:52,972 --> 00:07:53,931 You'll laugh later. 184 00:07:55,516 --> 00:07:56,559 [Dale] Rub harder. Harder. 185 00:07:56,642 --> 00:07:58,477 [Meemaw] I'm rubbing as hard as I can. 186 00:07:58,561 --> 00:07:59,854 [Dale] Well, use your elbow. 187 00:07:59,937 --> 00:08:01,397 -[Meemaw] All right. -[Dale moans] 188 00:08:01,481 --> 00:08:02,607 I don't need my toothbrush. 189 00:08:02,690 --> 00:08:04,901 -[Meemaw] You like that? -[Dale] Oh, I-- Yeah, yeah. 190 00:08:04,984 --> 00:08:06,235 Oh, yeah, yeah. 191 00:08:07,320 --> 00:08:10,781 [adult Sheldon] This night of depravity had reduced me to urinating on a tree 192 00:08:10,865 --> 00:08:11,949 like a forest animal. 193 00:08:12,033 --> 00:08:13,242 How much worse could it get? 194 00:08:13,326 --> 00:08:15,203 [frat guy] Hey! Pee-wee's back! 195 00:08:15,286 --> 00:08:19,165 [all] Pee-wee! Pee-wee! Pee-wee! Pee-wee! 196 00:08:21,000 --> 00:08:25,296 Excuse me, I'm looking for my friend. Blonde girl, about a meter and a half. 197 00:08:32,678 --> 00:08:34,639 Excuse me, I'm looking for my friend-- 198 00:08:34,722 --> 00:08:35,556 Missy? 199 00:08:35,640 --> 00:08:37,767 -Sheldon? -What are you doing here? 200 00:08:37,850 --> 00:08:39,018 What are you doing here? 201 00:08:39,101 --> 00:08:40,394 Do Mom and Dad know you're here? 202 00:08:40,478 --> 00:08:41,812 Do Mom and Dad know you're here? 203 00:08:41,896 --> 00:08:43,272 Okay, stop. You go first. 204 00:08:43,356 --> 00:08:46,234 Heather's sister goes to school here. She invited us. 205 00:08:46,317 --> 00:08:47,193 Now you. 206 00:08:47,860 --> 00:08:49,362 I'm looking after Paige. 207 00:08:50,655 --> 00:08:51,489 Where is she? 208 00:08:51,572 --> 00:08:53,699 Well, I didn't say I was doing a great job. 209 00:08:56,369 --> 00:08:57,620 Where's your toothbrush? 210 00:08:58,204 --> 00:08:59,247 Don't wanna talk about it. 211 00:08:59,872 --> 00:09:01,040 [telephone rings] 212 00:09:01,624 --> 00:09:03,251 Who the hell calls at this hour? 213 00:09:04,502 --> 00:09:07,213 Hello. Oh, hi. 214 00:09:07,296 --> 00:09:08,297 Everything okay? 215 00:09:08,381 --> 00:09:09,799 -Who is it? -Heather's mom. 216 00:09:09,882 --> 00:09:11,259 Oh. Is everything okay? 217 00:09:11,342 --> 00:09:14,095 You just heard me ask. What… what's up? 218 00:09:14,679 --> 00:09:16,931 No, Heather's not here. They're at your house. 219 00:09:19,016 --> 00:09:20,476 -Huh. -What? 220 00:09:21,060 --> 00:09:22,895 Heather told her mom she was staying here. 221 00:09:22,979 --> 00:09:24,814 Huh. Classic. 222 00:09:28,025 --> 00:09:29,110 Paige is drunk? 223 00:09:29,193 --> 00:09:33,447 And high on what Officer McDaniels calls "Mary Jane," "reefer" and "ganja." 224 00:09:33,531 --> 00:09:36,367 -Is she okay? -No. She said her life is terrible. 225 00:09:36,450 --> 00:09:37,326 What? 226 00:09:37,410 --> 00:09:39,245 -[loud music playing] -Her life is terrible. 227 00:09:39,328 --> 00:09:40,454 What? 228 00:09:44,125 --> 00:09:45,584 [music stops] 229 00:09:47,503 --> 00:09:49,255 Her life is terrible. 230 00:09:54,593 --> 00:09:55,761 [mumbling indistinctly] 231 00:09:56,512 --> 00:09:58,931 How's your sex cramp, old man? 232 00:09:59,015 --> 00:10:01,100 Athletes get cramps all the time. 233 00:10:01,183 --> 00:10:04,103 It comes from dehydration and overexertion. 234 00:10:04,186 --> 00:10:05,688 I'll give you the dehydration, 235 00:10:05,771 --> 00:10:08,190 but I didn't see any overexertion, though. 236 00:10:08,858 --> 00:10:09,692 Why, Connie? 237 00:10:09,775 --> 00:10:10,901 Because it's fun. 238 00:10:10,985 --> 00:10:13,112 Well, just give me a minute. I'll be ready. 239 00:10:13,195 --> 00:10:15,573 Why don't we just call it a night and get some sleep? 240 00:10:16,449 --> 00:10:17,450 That's fine by me. 241 00:10:18,034 --> 00:10:21,078 But just to be clear, you're calling it, not me. 242 00:10:21,162 --> 00:10:22,830 -Yep. -I'm good to go. 243 00:10:22,913 --> 00:10:24,165 -I'm sure you are. -Yep. 244 00:10:25,833 --> 00:10:27,168 Damn tootin'. [grunts] 245 00:10:29,712 --> 00:10:30,921 I don't know if it's any help, 246 00:10:31,005 --> 00:10:34,091 but when I was her age and pulled this, it was just to go to a party. 247 00:10:34,175 --> 00:10:35,009 [scoffs] 248 00:10:35,092 --> 00:10:37,970 Oh, great. So she's at a party who knows where. 249 00:10:38,054 --> 00:10:39,555 You know what, I'm gonna go find her. 250 00:10:39,639 --> 00:10:41,140 -Well, how? -I don't know. 251 00:10:41,223 --> 00:10:43,684 I'm just gonna drive around 'til I hear some carousing. 252 00:10:43,768 --> 00:10:44,644 I'll go with you. 253 00:10:44,727 --> 00:10:46,896 Will you both just stop for a minute? 254 00:10:46,979 --> 00:10:49,106 There is nothing to do but wait. 255 00:10:50,941 --> 00:10:51,817 Fine. 256 00:10:55,029 --> 00:10:56,113 Nope. Georgie, let's go. 257 00:10:56,197 --> 00:10:59,450 Let's check out that creek in the woods where they found the headless body. 258 00:10:59,533 --> 00:11:00,618 [George] Will you shut up? 259 00:11:01,410 --> 00:11:02,745 [sighs] Now what do we do? 260 00:11:02,828 --> 00:11:04,955 We can't just leave. Paige is still in there. 261 00:11:05,581 --> 00:11:06,749 Maybe we should call Mom. 262 00:11:06,832 --> 00:11:09,001 I do have four quarters for that exact reason. 263 00:11:09,627 --> 00:11:10,544 Paige? 264 00:11:11,837 --> 00:11:12,713 Wait! 265 00:11:13,339 --> 00:11:14,507 What are you doing? 266 00:11:14,590 --> 00:11:18,803 Well, this is Bradley and we're going to another party. 267 00:11:18,886 --> 00:11:20,763 Another party? It's 9:30. 268 00:11:20,846 --> 00:11:22,723 Bradley, do you know how old she is? 269 00:11:24,392 --> 00:11:25,351 Said she was 18. 270 00:11:26,352 --> 00:11:27,186 Lower. 271 00:11:27,937 --> 00:11:28,813 Sixteen? 272 00:11:29,313 --> 00:11:30,147 Lower. 273 00:11:30,981 --> 00:11:31,816 Hey, I gotta go. 274 00:11:34,985 --> 00:11:35,861 Thanks a lot. 275 00:11:38,864 --> 00:11:40,032 Come on. 276 00:11:40,116 --> 00:11:41,492 We're running again? 277 00:11:43,202 --> 00:11:44,203 We just ran. 278 00:11:51,419 --> 00:11:54,380 I'll tell you what, my daughter's never gonna put me through this. 279 00:11:54,463 --> 00:11:56,424 Oh, really? How do you figure? 280 00:11:56,507 --> 00:11:59,385 I'm gonna run a tight ship. Set some rules, some boundaries, 281 00:11:59,468 --> 00:12:02,972 and if she breaks 'em, then she faces the-- What do you call it? 282 00:12:03,055 --> 00:12:04,098 Repercussions. 283 00:12:04,181 --> 00:12:05,349 [snickers] 284 00:12:06,684 --> 00:12:07,518 Why you smilin'? 285 00:12:08,644 --> 00:12:10,479 I just can't wait 'til you're a dad. 286 00:12:11,188 --> 00:12:12,273 Thank you. 287 00:12:13,858 --> 00:12:15,067 Repercussions. 288 00:12:15,151 --> 00:12:16,694 It's a word. Look it up. 289 00:12:18,487 --> 00:12:20,281 -[Missy] Hurry! -[Sheldon] This is as fast 290 00:12:20,364 --> 00:12:21,657 as I can go in sensible shoes. 291 00:12:21,740 --> 00:12:22,575 [Paige retches] 292 00:12:24,034 --> 00:12:25,035 [Missy] You okay? 293 00:12:25,578 --> 00:12:26,745 -No. -Oh, dear. 294 00:12:26,829 --> 00:12:28,038 -What? -I'm going to have 295 00:12:28,122 --> 00:12:29,457 the mother of all blisters. 296 00:12:29,540 --> 00:12:30,708 [Missy sighs] 297 00:12:31,667 --> 00:12:33,586 -I'm worried about you. -Thank you. 298 00:12:33,669 --> 00:12:35,671 Don't be. I'm having fun. 299 00:12:35,754 --> 00:12:38,716 You're drunk and you were about to get in the car with a stranger. 300 00:12:38,799 --> 00:12:40,342 So? He was cute. 301 00:12:40,426 --> 00:12:41,677 [Missy] What's wrong with you? 302 00:12:41,760 --> 00:12:42,970 You're smarter than Sheldon. 303 00:12:43,053 --> 00:12:44,722 -Why don't you act like it? -Um… 304 00:12:44,805 --> 00:12:46,056 I am. 305 00:12:46,140 --> 00:12:48,851 If that was true, then how come my pizza's still in my stomach 306 00:12:48,934 --> 00:12:50,561 -and yours is in the fountain? -[scoffs] 307 00:12:51,437 --> 00:12:53,439 What good is being smart if you're all alone? 308 00:12:54,064 --> 00:12:56,150 Let's go to Sheldon's dorm and get you cleaned up. 309 00:12:56,692 --> 00:12:57,693 Thanks. 310 00:12:58,527 --> 00:13:01,030 Just so you know, you're not alone. You've got me. 311 00:13:01,113 --> 00:13:03,157 I thought we were trying to make her feel better. 312 00:13:04,825 --> 00:13:07,036 I have another idea for keeping my kid in line. 313 00:13:07,119 --> 00:13:07,995 Can't wait. 314 00:13:08,078 --> 00:13:11,081 I saw this show where they put electric trackers on these dolphins, 315 00:13:11,165 --> 00:13:13,417 and with satellites, they can tell where they are. 316 00:13:14,335 --> 00:13:16,086 Dolphins? Go on. 317 00:13:16,170 --> 00:13:19,465 I'll stick one of them things on my kid, so I always know where she is. 318 00:13:19,548 --> 00:13:21,717 You're gonna track her like she's an animal? 319 00:13:21,800 --> 00:13:22,801 Damn straight. 320 00:13:25,679 --> 00:13:27,181 That's actually, a really good idea. 321 00:13:30,142 --> 00:13:31,852 Missy's a good kid. I'm sure she's okay. 322 00:13:32,937 --> 00:13:33,979 [sighs] 323 00:13:34,063 --> 00:13:37,983 I was a good kid, didn't stop me from getting into trouble. 324 00:13:38,067 --> 00:13:41,028 [chuckles] Me too. One time I was at this party and… 325 00:13:42,655 --> 00:13:43,572 Actually, never mind. 326 00:13:44,281 --> 00:13:45,783 The important thing is we survived. 327 00:13:46,784 --> 00:13:47,952 Yes, we did. 328 00:13:49,662 --> 00:13:52,164 You just want your children to have an easier time of it. 329 00:13:52,248 --> 00:13:53,082 Easier? 330 00:13:54,083 --> 00:13:56,877 My baby's gonna have a broke, single mom and a teenage dad. 331 00:13:58,045 --> 00:13:59,004 [Mary] Mm-hm. 332 00:14:00,172 --> 00:14:01,340 Let me get you some more tea. 333 00:14:01,423 --> 00:14:02,341 Okay. 334 00:14:04,009 --> 00:14:05,553 Do you know what else is nice? 335 00:14:05,636 --> 00:14:07,763 I get to learn from all your parenting mistakes. 336 00:14:09,139 --> 00:14:11,892 I'm starting to think letting you live this long is one of 'em. 337 00:14:11,976 --> 00:14:14,853 Like that. I'd never say something so awful to my kid. 338 00:14:16,063 --> 00:14:17,064 Thanks, big guy. 339 00:14:20,484 --> 00:14:21,402 You awake? 340 00:14:22,403 --> 00:14:23,362 [Dale] Mm-hm. 341 00:14:27,700 --> 00:14:28,701 I've been thinking, 342 00:14:29,660 --> 00:14:31,912 we don't have to spend every night together. 343 00:14:31,996 --> 00:14:32,872 Oh. 344 00:14:33,914 --> 00:14:36,041 You're preaching to the choir there, Connie. 345 00:14:36,750 --> 00:14:40,379 I've been lying awake here for an hour, wishing I were back home in my own bed. 346 00:14:40,462 --> 00:14:41,672 Really? 347 00:14:42,214 --> 00:14:45,050 Everything's the way I like it there. I got a TV in the bedroom, 348 00:14:45,676 --> 00:14:47,469 and leave the seat up on the toilet. 349 00:14:48,053 --> 00:14:50,431 Thermostats not set to storing meat. 350 00:14:50,514 --> 00:14:54,727 I did turn the toilet paper around, so it comes over the top like you like it. 351 00:14:54,810 --> 00:14:55,978 Like the world likes it. 352 00:14:56,061 --> 00:14:58,314 Don't start on this again. 353 00:14:58,397 --> 00:14:59,523 [both chuckle] 354 00:15:00,316 --> 00:15:01,817 So, we got a plan? 355 00:15:01,901 --> 00:15:03,152 We got a plan. 356 00:15:09,033 --> 00:15:10,826 So, I'll spend tomorrow night at my place. 357 00:15:10,910 --> 00:15:12,036 Yep. 358 00:15:12,119 --> 00:15:13,871 [exhales] Thank God. 359 00:15:16,457 --> 00:15:17,416 Where you going? 360 00:15:18,667 --> 00:15:20,961 Think I might have to crank up the AC. 361 00:15:21,045 --> 00:15:22,921 [Dale] 'Cause I said, "Thank God"? 362 00:15:23,005 --> 00:15:24,423 [Meemaw] No foolin' you. 363 00:15:27,551 --> 00:15:29,178 Okay, she's asleep. 364 00:15:29,261 --> 00:15:31,388 I put a trash can by the bed in case she gets sick. 365 00:15:31,972 --> 00:15:33,140 Where am I supposed to sleep? 366 00:15:33,223 --> 00:15:34,183 On the floor. 367 00:15:34,266 --> 00:15:36,935 Why can't she sleep there? She doesn't know where she is. 368 00:15:37,019 --> 00:15:38,103 I don't have time for this. 369 00:15:38,187 --> 00:15:40,439 I have to find Heather before I lose my ride home. 370 00:15:40,522 --> 00:15:41,774 -Fine. -But first, 371 00:15:41,857 --> 00:15:44,151 let's get our story straight about where I was tonight. 372 00:15:45,069 --> 00:15:46,403 Only one story and it's straight. 373 00:15:46,487 --> 00:15:49,073 -You were here. -No, I wasn't. 374 00:15:49,740 --> 00:15:51,700 I was at Heather's and you didn't see me. 375 00:15:51,784 --> 00:15:52,660 Got it? 376 00:15:52,743 --> 00:15:55,412 First, I've to sleep on the floor and I have to lie for you? 377 00:15:55,496 --> 00:15:58,374 How about this? Work with me, and I will officially owe you one. 378 00:15:59,041 --> 00:16:01,251 -One what? -I don't know. One anything. 379 00:16:02,002 --> 00:16:04,380 "Anything" is awfully vague. Let's draw up a contract-- 380 00:16:04,463 --> 00:16:07,049 You went to a frat party. There's a drunk girl on your bed. 381 00:16:07,132 --> 00:16:09,134 Coolest college story you'll ever get to tell. 382 00:16:09,218 --> 00:16:10,928 -So I can tell Mom. -No. 383 00:16:11,720 --> 00:16:13,138 -Someday. -When? 384 00:16:13,222 --> 00:16:15,349 Someday, when we're old and we can laugh about it. 385 00:16:15,974 --> 00:16:17,184 I gotta go. 386 00:16:18,978 --> 00:16:21,397 [adult Sheldon] Thirty years later, still not laughing. 387 00:16:26,402 --> 00:16:29,071 What are you doing out here? It's the middle of the night. 388 00:16:29,655 --> 00:16:31,448 I can't sleep not knowing where she is. 389 00:16:32,992 --> 00:16:33,867 Yeah. 390 00:16:40,416 --> 00:16:43,752 Just so we're on the same page, when she does show up, I'm gonna kill her. 391 00:16:43,836 --> 00:16:46,046 You're gonna have to beat me to it. 392 00:16:46,880 --> 00:16:49,967 I'm not saying I love her the most, but anything happened to Missy… 393 00:16:51,010 --> 00:16:52,344 She is your little girl. 394 00:16:53,512 --> 00:16:55,014 -Not so little anymore. -Hm. 395 00:16:56,181 --> 00:16:57,099 And I hate it. 396 00:16:58,142 --> 00:17:01,520 Yeah, pretty soon, you're gonna have a granddaughter 397 00:17:01,603 --> 00:17:02,980 and start all over again. 398 00:17:03,063 --> 00:17:04,022 [both chuckle] 399 00:17:06,233 --> 00:17:07,651 You know, I had an idea. 400 00:17:08,694 --> 00:17:11,321 I'm gonna put a tracker on her, like they do with dolphins. 401 00:17:11,405 --> 00:17:13,490 -You're making that up. -No, it's true. 402 00:17:14,324 --> 00:17:17,369 Wherever she goes, Timbuktu, doesn't matter, 403 00:17:18,120 --> 00:17:19,371 -we're there. -[snickers] 404 00:17:23,584 --> 00:17:24,585 [Mary sighs] 405 00:17:29,423 --> 00:17:31,008 -[door opens] -[Missy] I'm home! 406 00:17:33,635 --> 00:17:34,720 Hey. 407 00:17:35,512 --> 00:17:36,472 Hey to you. 408 00:17:36,555 --> 00:17:37,681 How was Heather's? 409 00:17:37,765 --> 00:17:41,018 Uh, fun. Pizza, movies, the usual. 410 00:17:42,352 --> 00:17:43,228 You look tired. 411 00:17:44,146 --> 00:17:45,147 I didn't sleep too well. 412 00:17:45,689 --> 00:17:46,982 Well, I'm sorry. 413 00:17:47,941 --> 00:17:49,026 Well, I'm going to my room. 414 00:17:50,986 --> 00:17:52,404 What happened to killing her? 415 00:17:52,488 --> 00:17:53,572 I'll get to it. 416 00:17:54,531 --> 00:17:55,949 Just so relieved she's okay. 417 00:18:00,037 --> 00:18:01,330 Okay, I'm good. Missy! 418 00:18:02,748 --> 00:18:03,916 Wait for me! 419 00:18:06,043 --> 00:18:08,045 [theme music playing]