[Missy] Previously on Young Sheldon…
So, once this is up and running, anyone with a computer
and a modem can have access to every grant offered worldwide.
As the kids like to say, ka-ching!
That's the sound of a cash register, in case the onomatopoeia was unclear.
Brenda has a secret man that she's hiding from everybody.
-Really? -And he might be married.
[chuckling] Really?
Look, it's not easy seeing you talk to guys.
You want to know what's not easy? Hearing from Billy Sparks
about you and his mom hanging out in that chicken coop.
What?
Just so you know, me and Brenda are just friends.
Okay.
-I'm glad we can talk about these things. -Me, too.
Someday, we'll talk about Mom and Pastor Rob.
Oh. Remember, today is Sheldon's big database launch party,
so we're all very excited.
Yeah, how excited we talking? On a scale of one to ten.
Uh, I don't know. Six?
Do we have any understanding of what this, uh, data thing is?
-Not a clue. Morning, Shelly. -Hey, there's the big guy.
-That was about a nine. -Can I get you breakfast?
I don't know if I can eat. I'm excited.
-I know. We all are. -What's going on?
-It's your brother's big day. -When isn't it?
-Meemaw, are you coming to my party? -I wouldn't miss it.
We're gonna leave at 4:00, if you wanna ride with us.
I'll have to meet you there. I got business I have to take care of.
Oh, if you're getting me a gift, it's not that kind of party.
Although I wouldn't say no to a TI-81 graphing calculator.
So what is gonna happen at this party?
Well, we're gonna post to UseNet that the database is live
and then watch the monitor as the subscribers roll in.
And you're calling that a party? Bold.
[theme song playing]
-We still haven't settled on a name. -Well, I was thinking maybe Alice.
Alice Cooper. That is badass. Sold.
Wait. Who said her last name is gonna be Cooper?
-Well, that's my last name. -Yeah, and mine's McCallister.
-Yeah, but I'm the dad. -So?
-I think that's just the rule. -Not my rule.
All right. Let's not fight about it. I'm pretty sure she can hear us.
Yeah, you're probably right.
[clears throat] Please don't have a giant head.
[snickering]
Thanks for doing this.
Hey, you make a whole human being in your belly,
I get the crib and car seat, we'll call it even.
That is not even close to even.
Well, I'm just saying, my list is pretty long
and you only got the one thing.
[scoffs]
Hey.
Hey. I didn't know you were working today.
No, I'm not. Just stopping by to pick up my check.
I got it right here.
-Any plans for your day off? -Nothing special.
-Not seeing your mystery man? -Just give me my check.
I don't mean to pry. It's just…
Your friends think you're keeping him a secret 'cause he's married.
There's no mystery man.
-And you're prying. -Sorry.
[phone rings]
Hello? Oh! Rob. Uh…
-Pastor Rob. It's Pastor Rob. -I gathered.
Uh, lunch would be…
fine.
Yes. See you soon. Mm-hmm.
-Shall I pry? -Uh, it's nothing.
He probably just wants to gossip about some church drama.
-So here's your check. Okay, bye. -Bye-bye.
Excuse me. Which one of these car seats is the best?
That'd be the Evenflo Discovery, right here.
-Top of the line. -Great.
-Which one is your second best? -Is it a gift for someone?
No. It's for me. I'm having a kid.
Mmm.
I tell you, that first ride home from the hospital with the baby in the back?
Scariest drive of your life.
Well, I got a station wagon. It's like a tank with a cassette player.
That's good, 'cause you can't believe how fragile and tiny newborn babies are.
No, I can, I can believe it.
So you know about that spot on their head that ain't even solid yet.
Sure.
Anyway, uh, you were interested in the basic model.
Okay, pal. I'm in sales. I know what you're doing.
So…
-Just give me the expensive one. -Good choice.
[phone rings]
-Hello. -Sheldon, is Georgie there?
-No. -Is your mom there?
-No. -Are there any adults there?
No, but I have an IQ of 187.
I'm sure I can figure out whatever's troubling you.
My water broke. I'm in labor.
Oh, dear.
[knock on door]
-Come in. -[door opens and closes]
All right, let's do this.
-Why are you wearing dish gloves? -To deliver the baby.
-That is not happening. -Good.
Whew.
-Can I get a glass of water? -Sheldon, I need to go to the hospital.
Well, I can't drive. I do have a bike, but you'll never fit in the wagon.
-I don't know how much longer I can wait. -I can call an ambulance.
It's okay. I'll drive. Just come with me, okay?
Okay.
[groans]
-Does it hurt bad? -Yes.
That's unfortunate. It's my understanding it's only gonna get worse.
[exhales]
-I'll be right back. -[knock on door]
-Mrs. Sparks, I need your help. -What's with the gloves?
-So I don't get placenta on my hands. -What?
-[Rob] Thank you. -Thank you.
So, uh, I haven't seen you around in a while.
Yeah, I've been, uh, pretty busy,
trying to help Pastor Jeff hold things together at the church.
-Oh. Things okay? -You know…
not as good as they were when you were there.
-Well, that's nice of you to say. -No, I mean it. It's chaos.
-[chuckles] I'm sure you'll pull through. -[laughs]
Yeah, actually, I got another job offer.
Oh.
First Baptist in Little Rock is looking for a youth pastor.
Arkansas. That's a big move.
I'm not sure I'm gonna take it yet,
but, um, I kind of wanted to get your advice.
So you might stay?
Well, it's a good opportunity, bigger congregation,
but I'd miss the kids… and friends I've made.
Sure.
-Are you still seeing that girl? -The one you babysat?
-Yeah, that one. -Uh, no. No.
-We, um… We broke up. -Oh, I'm sorry to hear that.
So… what do you think?
[exhales] Well, um…
I would miss having you around…
but I think you need to follow your heart.
What if my heart doesn't know what it wants?
I don't know. Pick a different organ.
-Mary Cooper. -Oh, grow up.
-[laughs] -That's not what I meant.
[scoffs]
Shouldn't you be laying down?
No. It's good to be on my feet. Doctor said this could take a while.
Could you be more specific? I have a thing at 5:00.
Is there anyone else I can call for you? Maybe your mom?
No, I can't deal with her right now. Maybe after they give me drugs.
Okay. I'll just keep trying the Coopers.
[groans]
You know, in a way, you and I are having a very similar day.
Really? How might that be?
I'm also bringing something new into the world.
Although mine does not involve my privates being inspected by strangers.
[exhales, laughs]
[phone ringing]
Okay. "Tighten strap until car seat moves no more than half an inch."
Okay.
[straining]
That's more than half an inch.
[straining]
Come on.
["Tighten Up Pt. 1" playing]
♪ Come on now, drummer ♪
♪ I want you to tighten it up for me now ♪
♪ Tighten up on that bass now ♪
♪ Tighten it up ♪
♪ You can get it ♪
-♪ Move to your left ♪ -[phone ringing]
♪ Move to your right ♪
♪ Tighten it up now ♪
♪ Everything will be outta sight ♪
♪ Tighten it up ♪
♪ You can get it ♪
♪ Tighten it up now ♪
[indistinct chatter over radio]
You've been through this before. How long does it take?
Depends. With Billy, it was days.
Well, he always has been a tad slow.
[pants] I just got your message. Am I late? Did I miss it?
Actually, you're the first one here.
I was the first one, and I'd like to be the first one to leave.
-So who's back there with Mandy? -She's with the doctor.
-We gave her some privacy. -Where the hell's Georgie?
-We can't find him. -What about Mary?
-Ain't she at the bowling alley? -No, she went out to lunch.
Speaking of lunch, we should get to my launch.
Sheldon, my granddaughter is about to be born. I'm not going anywhere.
Oh, I'm sure Georgie will get more women pregnant.
-You'll have another chance. -Walk away.
[exhales]
-Well, I guess I'm gonna go. -Oh, come on.
-Stay. Keep me company. -Fine.
Remember the last time we were here?
The night you gave me a heart attack?
[chuckles] Stop it.
I did not give you a heart attack.
-You gave me something. -Well… [chuckles]
-Oh, hey, Mary. -What's going on?
-Nothing. What's going on with you? -Who's with Mandy?
-The doctor. -What are you two doing out here?
-Waiting on you. Where have you been? -I was at lunch.
Hey. I hear we're having a baby.
What? Did I miss it?
Where is my dad?
-I ask that question a lot. -He's not usually late.
My mom's picking me up, but she's always late.
-Hey. Maybe they're together. -Why would they be together?
They could be having another secret meeting in the chicken coop.
-He's probably running late at practice. -Okay.
I'm sure they're not together.
-Okay. -I mean it.
-Okay. -Shut up, Billy.
Okay.
-What is he doing here? -He's a pastor and he wanted to be here.
I mean, what is he doing here with you?
He asked me for some advice, so we had lunch.
So that's why no one could find you for hours.
-Accusing me of something? -Something to accuse you of?
Hey. Today's a day of miracles.
-Do you really want to be fighting? -Stay out of this.
-We didn't do anything wrong. -I think I'm gonna head out.
-No. He's staying, you're staying. -What does that mean?
Nothing. Just… Nothing.
What's going on with you two?
[scoffs] What's going on with you two?
Last chance. Who wants to witness science history?
Don't be shy, folks.
You have nine new messages.
[upbeat rock music playing]
[tires screeching]
-Connie? -What are you doing here?
-I'm having a baby. -Oh! It's happening?
Kinda. Why are you here?
Uh, I had a medical thing. Been handled. Here. Let me help you to your room.
-What kind of thing? -Just a thing.
It's been tended to. How far apart are your contractions?
Connie, what's going on?
It's hemorrhoids, okay? It's embarrassing, but here we are.
Hemorrhoids, hemorrhoids, [loudly] hemorrhoids.
Happy?
Well, I'm about four centimeters dilated,
and the doctors think it could be another few hours.
Oh.
Good.
-[Meemaw] Walk slow. -[Mandy] Oh, okay.
So how often you taking my wife out to lunch?
It was just lunch. He didn't take me out.
So, who's going to drive me? 'Cause time's a-ticking.
-Sheldon, not now. -Go check on Mandy.
-But-- -Sheldon, go!
-You are being ridiculous. -Am I?
-I got eyes, Mary. -So do I.
And when I walked in, you and Brenda were acting weird.
-What is that about? -Nothing. It's about nothing.
Yeah. It's nothing.
Is my husband your mystery man?
-No. -She's dating someone else.
-How do you know that? -She told me.
Why are you talking to my husband about your love life?
You know, Mary, you might want to be careful about throwing stones.
-'Cause I've seen your glass house. -What does that mean?
I saw how upset you were when this one was on a date.
-Really? -The hell do you mean, "Really?"
-What's going on? Where's Mandy? -Uh, she's fine. She's in her room.
So she's having a baby by herself while you're all out here?
-No. Sheldon's with her. -Unbelievable.
-George, Mary. -Jim.
It's nice to see you.
-Hey, how are you? Gotta go. -[Audrey] Jim!
[Missy scoffs]
Can't believe this.
-Where you going? -Home. They clearly forgot about us.
This sucks.
Do you think my mom and your dad are gonna be boyfriend and girlfriend?
No.
If they got married, would that make us brother and sister?
It's not gonna happen.
Luke Skywalker and Princess Leia were brother and sister, and they still kissed.
I didn't write it.
[scoffs]
Excuse me. Does that computer have a modem?
-A what? -A modem.
-It's how you access the World Wide Web. -The what?
It's when your computer wants to talk to another computer, and it goes…
[imitates beeps, static]
[imitates beep, static]
-You mean a fax machine? -It's like I'm from the future.
[door opens]
What are you doing out here?
-I heard Mandy was having the baby. -Yes, but that happens inside.
I know.
-Aren't you going in? -[sighs] I can't.
These doors are automated. You just walk towards them and they open.
I can't be a dad. I couldn't even install a car seat.
Great. You can drive me to my launch party.
-[exhales deeply] -You're doing great, sweetie.
Didn't work 30 years ago. Doesn't work now.
I think I'll just let y'all have a little family time.
-Please stay. -Hey.
-Oh, how we doing? -I'm all right.
-Are you all right? -I'm fine. Just fine.
Fine? Looked like your husband was gonna punch out that guy in the waiting room.
-What happened? -When did you get here?
Earlier. So, who did George almost punch?
Some little fellow with a moustache.
[groaning]
Okay. Hang in there, baby. You're doing great.
-What did I just tell you? -I don't know what else to say.
Thank you for doing this.
Mm-hmm.
You know, you wait and you wait and you wait,
and you think the day's never gonna come, and then, pow, it's here.
I know.
Everyone thought I was too young, that I wouldn't see it through.
But here I am.
To think I almost missed it.
I would have regretted that for the rest of my life.
Why are we turning around?
[door opens]
Hey.
What's going on with you two?
-Nothing. -We're fine.
You know, if you're gonna fight, can you do it out loud?
'Cause I could use the distraction.
No one's fighting.
[groans, breathing heavily]
Where is that big needle? I was promised a big needle.
I think we're getting close.
Since the father's not here, I'll go in the delivery room with you.
Or I'm happy to go, if you want.
I'm not gonna be sitting down anytime soon.
-Georgie will be here. -If he were gonna be here, he'd be here.
Honestly, who's surprised?
-Well, I'm a little surprised. -Jim, not now.
Well, I can have my own opinion. I think he's a good kid.
-You never take my side. -Are you kidding me?
I missed her whole pregnancy 'cause I took your side.
So you're just okay with all of this?
My daughter is having a baby. I'm thrilled.
Aw, Dad. [winces]
-[groans] -[door opens]
-Sorry I'm late. -Oh, no, no, no.
You're right on time. Told you.
You are completely late, but I'm glad you're here.
-Do you want all these people around? -No.
-Ah! Everybody out. -But--
Out.
We'll be in the waiting room if you need us.
-My advice, take all the drugs they offer. -I plan to.
-How you doing? -Where were you?
Sorry. I was trying to install the car seat and I didn't hear the phone.
It's okay. You made it. Did you get it installed?
Sheldon did. Turns out it takes a genius.
[chuckles]
-Mom, sit. -No, no. I'm, I'm good.
[door opens]
She's here. She's tiny and perfect. And Mandy's doing great.
Oh, what's her name?
-Constance. -Oh!
Yes. Thank you.
-Is there a middle name? -We're still working on it.
Can we see her?
They're sleeping, but I'll let y'all know when they're up.
Well, we're gonna be right here.
-[door opens] -So you're a grandma.
-[chuckles] I know. -Oh! [chuckles]
-Let's get you some tissues. -[laughs]
-I'm gonna stay at my mom's house tonight. -Fine by me.
I just talked to Dr. Sturgis. We didn't get a single subscriber.
My database is a complete failure.
[sighs]
-I know. I'm upset too. -Where's Missy?
[theme music playing] . -Where's Missy?