1 00:00:00,002 --> 00:00:05,002 ReEncoded By Dr.XJ | PSA www.PSArips.com 2 00:00:06,083 --> 00:00:08,041 [theme song playing] 3 00:00:10,875 --> 00:00:13,708 ♪ Look away, look away ♪ 4 00:00:14,416 --> 00:00:18,041 ♪ Look away, look away ♪ 5 00:00:18,125 --> 00:00:21,750 ♪ This show will wreck your evening Your whole life and your day ♪ 6 00:00:21,833 --> 00:00:24,541 ♪ Every single episode Is nothing but dismay ♪ 7 00:00:24,625 --> 00:00:30,166 ♪ So look away Look away, look away ♪ 8 00:00:30,708 --> 00:00:33,708 ♪ Das Baudelaires are taken in By people who are rich ♪ 9 00:00:33,791 --> 00:00:37,708 ♪ But Olaf has a plan That's going off without a hitch ♪ 10 00:00:37,791 --> 00:00:40,750 ♪ It's a race against the clock To rescue their two kidnapped friends ♪ 11 00:00:40,833 --> 00:00:45,208 ♪ Please, you'll need rescuing yourself Before this grim tale ends ♪ 12 00:00:45,291 --> 00:00:49,708 ♪ Just look away, look away ♪ 13 00:00:49,791 --> 00:00:53,416 ♪ There's nothing but horror And inconvenience on the way ♪ 14 00:00:53,500 --> 00:00:56,541 ♪ Ask any stable person, "Should I watch?" And they will say ♪ 15 00:00:56,625 --> 00:01:01,333 ♪ Look away, look away, look away ♪ 16 00:01:01,416 --> 00:01:05,208 ♪ Look away, look away ♪ 17 00:01:05,291 --> 00:01:08,500 ♪ Look away, look away ♪ 18 00:01:08,583 --> 00:01:12,458 ♪ Look away, look away ♪ 19 00:01:19,583 --> 00:01:21,708 -We didn't find the Quagmires. -Not yet. 20 00:01:21,791 --> 00:01:22,750 They could be anywhere. 21 00:01:22,833 --> 00:01:25,166 Anywhere but 667 Dark Avenue, so we learned something. 22 00:01:25,250 --> 00:01:26,333 Not enough. 23 00:01:26,416 --> 00:01:29,791 Those poor children, they must be so scared right now, 24 00:01:30,000 --> 00:01:31,083 and all alone. 25 00:01:34,666 --> 00:01:35,875 You found us. 26 00:01:35,958 --> 00:01:38,375 This story is not about a happy reunion. 27 00:01:38,458 --> 00:01:39,958 I'm so happy to see you. 28 00:01:40,041 --> 00:01:41,916 I've never been so happy to see anyone. 29 00:01:42,000 --> 00:01:44,541 I've read hundreds of newspaper articles, diaries, 30 00:01:44,625 --> 00:01:46,791 and more than one lavishly illustrated catalog 31 00:01:46,875 --> 00:01:50,041 in an attempt to understand the sad story of the Baudelaire orphans. 32 00:01:50,125 --> 00:01:53,625 The horrors I have found are best expressed not with words 33 00:01:53,708 --> 00:01:56,041 but with a sound you'll hear later in this episode. 34 00:01:56,125 --> 00:01:58,083 [screaming] 35 00:01:58,166 --> 00:02:00,208 It's the sound of a long scream in the dark. 36 00:02:00,291 --> 00:02:02,458 As the Baudelaires rejoiced at finding their friends... 37 00:02:02,541 --> 00:02:04,333 -How did you find us? -It was Klaus' idea. 38 00:02:04,416 --> 00:02:05,583 It was Violet's invention. 39 00:02:05,666 --> 00:02:06,916 They had no inkling of the terror... 40 00:02:07,000 --> 00:02:08,375 [screaming continues] 41 00:02:08,458 --> 00:02:09,666 the horror... 42 00:02:10,750 --> 00:02:12,500 and the dramatic fall they would experience 43 00:02:12,583 --> 00:02:13,500 in this elevator shaft 44 00:02:13,583 --> 00:02:16,000 before this episode in their lives was over. 45 00:02:16,083 --> 00:02:20,083 If you continue to watch, you may find yourself screaming as well. 46 00:02:20,166 --> 00:02:21,625 Can you pick this lock? 47 00:02:21,708 --> 00:02:25,166 Not without any tools. I wish I could see what's down here. 48 00:02:25,250 --> 00:02:26,375 Try this. 49 00:02:29,750 --> 00:02:31,500 See the markings? If you line them up... 50 00:02:32,083 --> 00:02:34,083 [Isadora] And give it a half-turn counterclockwise. 51 00:02:35,000 --> 00:02:37,625 We learned that in The Incomplete History of Secret Organizations. 52 00:02:37,708 --> 00:02:38,583 You found it? 53 00:02:38,666 --> 00:02:41,958 Right before we were kidnapped. We took as many notes as we could. 54 00:02:42,041 --> 00:02:45,208 We may be kidnap victims, but I'm still a journalist. 55 00:02:45,291 --> 00:02:49,291 -We've learned many haunting secrets. -About our parents. And your parents, too. 56 00:02:49,375 --> 00:02:51,333 We were right. Everything is connected. 57 00:02:51,416 --> 00:02:53,208 -Well, what did you learn? -[thudding] 58 00:02:53,291 --> 00:02:55,041 Tell us when you're safe. 59 00:02:55,125 --> 00:02:56,416 We heard Olaf's plan. 60 00:02:56,500 --> 00:03:00,000 He'll hide us in an item at the In Auction and sneak us out of the city tomorrow. 61 00:03:00,083 --> 00:03:02,416 No, he's not. You're coming with us, right now. 62 00:03:02,500 --> 00:03:06,250 I think it's an electromagnetic circuit. It's not just light, it's heat. 63 00:03:06,708 --> 00:03:08,000 I wonder... 64 00:03:09,875 --> 00:03:12,291 [Duncan] The Incomplete History of Secret Organizations 65 00:03:12,375 --> 00:03:14,458 said it can be used for all sorts of things. 66 00:03:14,541 --> 00:03:16,583 Maybe it can melt the lock. 67 00:03:29,458 --> 00:03:31,958 -Did it melt? -[Klaus] No. It just got hotter. 68 00:03:32,041 --> 00:03:34,833 It's not gonna work. I can feel it overheating. 69 00:03:34,916 --> 00:03:37,000 There must be something else you can use. 70 00:03:37,416 --> 00:03:38,625 Can you hand me that newspaper? 71 00:03:51,875 --> 00:03:53,000 Heat rises. 72 00:03:54,041 --> 00:03:55,041 What? 73 00:03:55,125 --> 00:03:57,375 -We have to go back to that penthouse. -You're leaving? 74 00:03:57,458 --> 00:03:59,625 We're gonna find something there to get you out. 75 00:03:59,708 --> 00:04:01,750 Gather the handkerchief as tight as you can. 76 00:04:01,833 --> 00:04:03,833 -I see what you mean. Heat rises. -And so will we. 77 00:04:04,875 --> 00:04:06,541 Sunny and I should stay here. 78 00:04:06,625 --> 00:04:10,083 No, Klaus. Help your sister. Just come back soon. 79 00:04:10,166 --> 00:04:11,750 -We will. -We promise. 80 00:04:22,458 --> 00:04:26,666 You saved us at Prufrock. We'd be in Olaf's clutches if not for you. 81 00:04:26,750 --> 00:04:28,291 -So I'm sure you know. -What? 82 00:04:30,625 --> 00:04:31,875 What friends are for. 83 00:04:42,250 --> 00:04:45,916 -[man] Hey! You! -[as Gunther] Is just handsome foreign man 84 00:04:46,000 --> 00:04:49,333 and pretty lady dragging someone unconscious, please. 85 00:04:49,416 --> 00:04:51,291 I thought it might be something suspicious. 86 00:04:51,375 --> 00:04:54,708 There's still a citywide manhunt. Did you have a nice evening, Mrs. Squalor? 87 00:04:54,791 --> 00:04:57,666 Oh, my, yes. 88 00:04:57,750 --> 00:05:01,458 There's nothing quite like a luxurious 46-course lunch 89 00:05:01,541 --> 00:05:05,041 followed by hot pickled fish and lengthy musical numbers. 90 00:05:05,125 --> 00:05:07,583 -[laughs] -You flatter me, please. 91 00:05:07,666 --> 00:05:11,250 Now drag the snoring husband upstairs, pretty lady. 92 00:05:11,333 --> 00:05:14,375 -I must make arrangements here. -Righto. 93 00:05:14,458 --> 00:05:17,333 -Come on, Jerome. Up, up! -[Jerome snoring] 94 00:05:20,583 --> 00:05:21,666 Sorry for being suspicious. 95 00:05:21,750 --> 00:05:24,000 You can't be too careful with an actor on the loose. 96 00:05:25,333 --> 00:05:29,041 I couldn't agree more. 97 00:05:31,125 --> 00:05:32,583 [Jerome continues snoring] 98 00:05:53,458 --> 00:05:56,708 Let's hope we make it to the top before the Squalors and Olaf get home. 99 00:05:56,791 --> 00:05:57,791 Can you smell smoke? 100 00:06:01,583 --> 00:06:02,583 The handkerchief! 101 00:06:04,458 --> 00:06:07,208 The fabric is burning. The heat is too intense. 102 00:06:07,291 --> 00:06:09,375 -What do we do? -I need to moderate the temperature. 103 00:06:09,458 --> 00:06:12,291 It has to be hot enough to rise but not so hot that it burns. 104 00:06:12,375 --> 00:06:13,958 That sounds very specific. 105 00:06:14,041 --> 00:06:16,791 -[Violet] How far from the top are we? -Not close enough. 106 00:06:17,833 --> 00:06:19,333 How high up are we? 107 00:06:24,083 --> 00:06:25,208 I'm gonna fix this. 108 00:06:30,250 --> 00:06:31,083 [gasps] 109 00:06:32,958 --> 00:06:33,875 [screaming] 110 00:06:34,708 --> 00:06:35,583 Come on. 111 00:06:39,708 --> 00:06:41,750 If I turn it on and off, it might stabilize. 112 00:06:58,333 --> 00:07:01,916 Okay, okay. It's... it's working. 113 00:07:02,000 --> 00:07:05,166 If we maintain a consistent heat level, we should make it. 114 00:07:05,250 --> 00:07:07,083 For a second, I thought we-- 115 00:07:19,333 --> 00:07:20,916 [Klaus and Violet grunting] 116 00:07:24,166 --> 00:07:25,166 Sunny. 117 00:07:28,541 --> 00:07:32,666 I saw a circular saw in the penthouse. We can use it to cut the bars. 118 00:07:32,750 --> 00:07:34,208 [footsteps approaching] 119 00:07:34,291 --> 00:07:36,625 -Olaf. -He can't know we've found them. 120 00:07:39,125 --> 00:07:40,833 [screaming] 121 00:07:43,375 --> 00:07:45,666 -[Klaus] Jerome! -What happened to him? 122 00:07:45,750 --> 00:07:50,708 Nothing to worry about, darlings. He just collapsed in the middle of dinner. 123 00:07:51,541 --> 00:07:53,375 -Collapsed? -Fell sound asleep. 124 00:07:53,458 --> 00:07:55,000 [snoring] 125 00:07:55,083 --> 00:07:57,916 You should be asleep, too. It's whatever time it is. 126 00:07:58,000 --> 00:08:00,666 -Is Gunther here? -Who? No, no. 127 00:08:10,458 --> 00:08:12,208 Do you smell something? Like a... 128 00:08:12,791 --> 00:08:14,791 school librarian smell? 129 00:08:14,875 --> 00:08:17,291 -Jerome, wake up. -Let him rest. 130 00:08:17,375 --> 00:08:20,625 Sleep is natural, like cosmetics or frivolous lawsuits. 131 00:08:20,708 --> 00:08:24,416 -We need to tell him something important. -Tell me. I'm important. 132 00:08:27,833 --> 00:08:29,958 And you're important to me. 133 00:08:32,416 --> 00:08:35,500 I know I seem like an insanely powerful woman 134 00:08:35,583 --> 00:08:39,666 who spends too much time at work and too much money on earrings. 135 00:08:39,750 --> 00:08:43,833 But I'm also your guardian. You can tell me anything. 136 00:08:43,916 --> 00:08:46,000 Well, you might not believe us. 137 00:08:46,083 --> 00:08:47,333 Try me. 138 00:08:48,916 --> 00:08:52,000 "Opening night at Herring Houdini was a success the size of the Hindenburg." 139 00:08:52,083 --> 00:08:54,791 "This fishy, very in restaurant attracted a crowd ranging 140 00:08:54,875 --> 00:08:59,000 from the city's most prominent bankers to the most prominent financial advisors." 141 00:08:59,500 --> 00:09:00,583 [telephone ringing] 142 00:09:02,083 --> 00:09:03,666 -Herring Houdini. -[Olaf] It's me, idiot. 143 00:09:03,750 --> 00:09:05,166 -Oh, hey! -Something's fishy. 144 00:09:05,250 --> 00:09:06,625 Why are you hanging around that restaurant? 145 00:09:06,708 --> 00:09:08,000 -I'm sorry. -There's a new plan. 146 00:09:08,083 --> 00:09:11,416 -Get a big net. And fast. Goodbye. -The biggest net we can find. Okay. Bye. 147 00:09:11,500 --> 00:09:12,875 He already hung up. Okay. 148 00:09:13,625 --> 00:09:15,333 Hey! Get the net! 149 00:09:18,666 --> 00:09:22,458 This is terrible. Let me understand. Gunther is Olaf in disguise? 150 00:09:22,541 --> 00:09:25,458 His boot covers his tattoo, and his sunglasses hide his eyebrow. 151 00:09:25,541 --> 00:09:28,541 He's hidden your friends in a cage at the bottom of my elevator. 152 00:09:28,625 --> 00:09:30,750 There's no elevator behind those doors. It's ersatz. 153 00:09:30,833 --> 00:09:31,666 Gesundheit. 154 00:09:31,750 --> 00:09:34,416 He plans to sneak them out of town at the In Auction 155 00:09:34,500 --> 00:09:37,541 by hiding them inside an item in this glossy, classy catalog? 156 00:09:37,625 --> 00:09:38,750 [babbles] 157 00:09:40,625 --> 00:09:43,166 This is the least in thing I have ever heard. 158 00:09:43,250 --> 00:09:44,625 [snores] 159 00:09:44,708 --> 00:09:46,166 This is a complicated plot. 160 00:09:46,250 --> 00:09:49,375 I'm surprised children like yourselves figured it out. 161 00:09:49,458 --> 00:09:52,875 Your bravery and smarts are remarkable. I need a drink. 162 00:09:57,083 --> 00:09:58,166 Parsley soda. 163 00:09:58,250 --> 00:10:01,625 The Daily Punctilio says it's the innest thing since aqueous martinis. 164 00:10:01,833 --> 00:10:03,416 -Try it. -No, thank-- 165 00:10:03,500 --> 00:10:04,750 Try it. 166 00:10:10,583 --> 00:10:13,666 -What do you think? -It tastes like parsley. 167 00:10:13,750 --> 00:10:15,708 Isn't it remarkable? I taste the same thing. 168 00:10:15,791 --> 00:10:17,458 -Mrs. Squalor-- -Esmé. 169 00:10:18,208 --> 00:10:20,125 -Esmé. -I know what you're going to say. 170 00:10:20,208 --> 00:10:21,916 There isn't time to drink savory beverages. 171 00:10:22,000 --> 00:10:24,166 We must end this terrible scheme. 172 00:10:24,250 --> 00:10:27,000 We will have Gunther arrested and the Quagmires set free. 173 00:10:27,083 --> 00:10:30,208 Put down your drinks. There's no time to waste. 174 00:10:32,875 --> 00:10:35,083 We've got to tell the police as quickly as possible. 175 00:10:35,166 --> 00:10:37,500 Luckily, the nearest police station isn't far away. 176 00:10:37,583 --> 00:10:40,833 It's too bad we've got to take all those stairs again. 177 00:10:40,916 --> 00:10:42,166 We could slide down the banister, 178 00:10:42,250 --> 00:10:43,875 which would be quicker, though less dignified. 179 00:10:43,958 --> 00:10:48,083 Oh! I know! We'll take the elevator. 180 00:10:49,166 --> 00:10:51,125 [Lemony] In times of dire circumstance, 181 00:10:51,208 --> 00:10:55,666 I have to remind myself that whatever distress or heartbreak I might experience, 182 00:10:55,750 --> 00:10:59,208 I can take some comfort that I am not, as the Baudelaires once were, 183 00:10:59,291 --> 00:11:03,708 falling down an elevator shaft for an interminable amount of time... 184 00:11:03,791 --> 00:11:05,375 [laughing maniacally] 185 00:11:06,125 --> 00:11:07,583 [screaming] 186 00:11:10,000 --> 00:11:13,291 [Lemony] ...only to land with a sort of panicky relief into a net. 187 00:11:13,375 --> 00:11:16,125 [screaming] 188 00:11:17,625 --> 00:11:19,083 [panting] 189 00:11:20,875 --> 00:11:22,541 -We're okay. -What? 190 00:11:22,625 --> 00:11:24,791 We're okay. We landed in a net. 191 00:11:24,875 --> 00:11:27,083 We're not okay. We're not half-okay. 192 00:11:27,166 --> 00:11:28,958 We're not even 1/27th okay. 193 00:11:29,041 --> 00:11:30,208 Our friends are kidnapped 194 00:11:30,291 --> 00:11:32,375 and our guardian threw us down an elevator shaft! 195 00:11:32,458 --> 00:11:33,375 We're alive. 196 00:11:33,458 --> 00:11:38,583 You are alive, Baudelaires, but you are definitely not okay. 197 00:11:38,666 --> 00:11:42,833 You and the Quagmires are going to be smuggled out of town, 198 00:11:42,916 --> 00:11:48,375 and I can guarantee that you orphans will never be okay again! 199 00:11:48,833 --> 00:11:49,791 What... 200 00:11:50,041 --> 00:11:51,041 [scoffs] 201 00:11:52,333 --> 00:11:53,166 Line? 202 00:11:53,250 --> 00:11:55,583 -[as Olaf] "What a wonderful--" -Yes, yes, yes. 203 00:11:55,666 --> 00:11:58,625 What a wonderful and profitable day! 204 00:11:58,708 --> 00:12:01,166 Count Olaf, my former acting coach, 205 00:12:01,250 --> 00:12:07,375 will finally get his hands on not one but two enormous fortunes! 206 00:12:07,458 --> 00:12:10,833 -[both laughing deviously] -Your former acting coach? 207 00:12:10,916 --> 00:12:13,666 You knew Gunther's identity the entire time? 208 00:12:13,750 --> 00:12:17,250 Course I did. I'm an actor. 209 00:12:17,333 --> 00:12:19,416 I was acting. 210 00:12:19,500 --> 00:12:22,666 I had to fool you and my dim-witted husband 211 00:12:22,750 --> 00:12:24,916 into thinking he was an auctioneer. 212 00:12:25,000 --> 00:12:27,833 You really are starting to grow as a thesbian. 213 00:12:27,916 --> 00:12:29,000 Thesbian? 214 00:12:29,833 --> 00:12:31,791 Well, I do love horses. 215 00:12:31,875 --> 00:12:33,583 You are our guardian! 216 00:12:33,666 --> 00:12:36,625 You're supposed to keep us safe, not throw us down elevator shafts, 217 00:12:36,708 --> 00:12:38,791 work with villains and try to steal our fortune! 218 00:12:38,875 --> 00:12:40,541 [both laughing maniacally] 219 00:12:47,083 --> 00:12:49,333 But I want to steal from you. 220 00:12:49,416 --> 00:12:54,291 I want to steal from you the way Beatrice stole from me! 221 00:12:55,166 --> 00:12:56,500 What did you say? 222 00:13:00,541 --> 00:13:04,916 -I barely know anything about any of this. -Let me bring you up to speed. 223 00:13:05,000 --> 00:13:07,125 The Quagmire kidnapping is the result of a murder 224 00:13:07,208 --> 00:13:10,333 which is the result of an arson, a moving violation, 225 00:13:10,416 --> 00:13:13,666 a misdemeanor, two poison darts, three civil suits and a stolen object. 226 00:13:14,416 --> 00:13:16,125 The world is complicated. 227 00:13:16,208 --> 00:13:18,750 -That's usually the case. -Maybe I'm not cut out for this. 228 00:13:18,833 --> 00:13:22,291 Maybe I should go back to my library, where things are safe and organized, 229 00:13:22,375 --> 00:13:23,708 if also lonely and unfulfilled. 230 00:13:23,791 --> 00:13:26,208 As a cab driver, I have to take you where you want to go. 231 00:13:26,291 --> 00:13:29,208 But as a volunteer, I don't want to take you back to Prufrock. 232 00:13:29,291 --> 00:13:31,625 -You're needed, Olivia Caliban. -Why? 233 00:13:32,458 --> 00:13:35,291 I can show you, but once you see it, it'll be hard to turn back. 234 00:13:35,375 --> 00:13:36,333 Is it far? 235 00:13:36,416 --> 00:13:38,666 I'll have to turn back. Hang on to something sturdy. 236 00:13:49,583 --> 00:13:54,625 A story that began with a stolen object, a moving violation, a misdemeanor, 237 00:13:54,708 --> 00:13:57,791 two poison darts and three civil suits, settled out of court... 238 00:13:57,875 --> 00:14:00,083 Ends with three orphans in a net 239 00:14:00,166 --> 00:14:03,000 and two more being dragged to the auction house. 240 00:14:03,083 --> 00:14:04,875 I love a happy ending. 241 00:14:04,958 --> 00:14:07,166 It's like Wuthering Heights, which I never read. 242 00:14:07,750 --> 00:14:12,541 Olaf, darling, it's been so lonely living in a penthouse 243 00:14:12,625 --> 00:14:15,333 with nothing but insane wealth and luxury, 244 00:14:15,416 --> 00:14:17,458 and a husband I married for complicated reasons 245 00:14:17,541 --> 00:14:19,125 and also an elevator. 246 00:14:19,875 --> 00:14:22,333 If I knew adopting the Baudelaires would bring you back, 247 00:14:22,416 --> 00:14:23,625 I would've orphaned them myself. 248 00:14:23,708 --> 00:14:27,916 -[chuckles] -To the star of a citywide manhunt 249 00:14:28,000 --> 00:14:31,875 and the incredibly stylish woman who found him again after all this time. 250 00:14:31,958 --> 00:14:36,500 To us, my darling, and to the taste of victory. 251 00:14:40,000 --> 00:14:41,250 What's in this? 252 00:14:44,666 --> 00:14:48,375 -It's parsley, darling. Parsley soda. -Parsley? Why would... 253 00:14:48,958 --> 00:14:50,583 Hmm... [retches] 254 00:14:50,833 --> 00:14:52,875 Have you never heard of banana daiquiris? 255 00:14:52,958 --> 00:14:55,500 -Bananas aren't in. -We'll see about that. 256 00:14:56,666 --> 00:15:00,291 Now that we've fooled the city and knocked your husband unconscious, 257 00:15:01,166 --> 00:15:02,958 I think it's time... 258 00:15:04,500 --> 00:15:05,583 Oh. 259 00:15:05,666 --> 00:15:07,000 ...for a little... 260 00:15:08,041 --> 00:15:09,375 [Esmé moans] 261 00:15:10,916 --> 00:15:12,791 ...celebratory dancing. 262 00:15:15,875 --> 00:15:17,958 -What? -If you're up for it. 263 00:15:18,041 --> 00:15:19,333 -[snoring] -Oh. 264 00:15:20,541 --> 00:15:23,541 Okay, yes. Dancing sounds fun. 265 00:15:23,625 --> 00:15:24,833 Why? What did you... 266 00:15:24,916 --> 00:15:27,666 Dancing, yes! [stammers] Dancing. That's what I was... 267 00:15:27,750 --> 00:15:31,000 [clicks tongue] An evening of dancing. 268 00:15:31,083 --> 00:15:32,916 [gramophone playing upbeat music] 269 00:15:46,250 --> 00:15:48,250 -Duncan? -Isadora? 270 00:15:50,625 --> 00:15:51,833 Why aren't they answering? 271 00:15:51,916 --> 00:15:53,291 Maybe Olaf took them when he set up this net. 272 00:15:53,375 --> 00:15:55,291 We won't know unless we go down. 273 00:15:55,375 --> 00:15:59,583 -We could use this net as a climbing rope. -It might not be long enough. 274 00:15:59,666 --> 00:16:03,041 -Or strong enough. -If we can't go down, can we go up? 275 00:16:03,958 --> 00:16:07,125 The piping is too small to grip. Unless you had... 276 00:16:07,208 --> 00:16:08,291 Very small hands. 277 00:16:11,166 --> 00:16:13,708 -Sunny, no! -Sunny, it's too dangerous. 278 00:16:17,250 --> 00:16:18,625 -[Sunny screams] -[gasps] 279 00:16:18,708 --> 00:16:19,666 [Sunny squeals] 280 00:16:19,750 --> 00:16:20,708 -Sunny, no! -Sunny! 281 00:16:35,000 --> 00:16:36,500 [sighs] I can't believe it. 282 00:16:36,583 --> 00:16:38,916 That our baby sister is climbing up an elevator shaft 283 00:16:39,000 --> 00:16:41,541 -with the help of her teeth? -I can't believe any of it. 284 00:16:45,375 --> 00:16:48,041 It may be difficult to believe, but at any moment, 285 00:16:48,125 --> 00:16:50,833 someone somewhere is in a dangerous situation 286 00:16:50,916 --> 00:16:54,791 and other people in some other place are dancing and having a good time. 287 00:16:56,083 --> 00:16:57,791 The world is often like this. 288 00:16:57,875 --> 00:17:01,333 A celebration here, terrible trouble just outside the door, 289 00:17:01,416 --> 00:17:05,333 but elsewhere, a chance to end a villain's treachery. 290 00:17:05,416 --> 00:17:08,791 -Let's do some reading. -A kidnapping underground... 291 00:17:08,875 --> 00:17:11,916 -It's this way. -Are you sure? Let me see the map. 292 00:17:12,000 --> 00:17:13,750 [Isadora] Let us out. You won't get away with this. 293 00:17:13,833 --> 00:17:14,916 [Lemony] And in a penthouse... 294 00:17:16,250 --> 00:17:17,875 a daring escape. 295 00:17:20,916 --> 00:17:23,791 The management regrets it cannot allow orphans to escape. 296 00:17:23,875 --> 00:17:25,916 [babbling] 297 00:17:26,000 --> 00:17:27,583 What does "perfidy" mean? 298 00:17:27,666 --> 00:17:29,041 [babbles] 299 00:17:29,125 --> 00:17:30,083 Oh. 300 00:17:32,208 --> 00:17:34,916 You're clever, and you're good with your teeth. 301 00:17:35,000 --> 00:17:36,583 Play your cards right, you could join us 302 00:17:36,666 --> 00:17:38,875 instead of surrendering your fortune and your life. 303 00:17:40,916 --> 00:17:43,250 Where do you think you're going? Hey! 304 00:17:52,791 --> 00:17:55,416 We've been dancing a while. Maybe we could... 305 00:17:55,500 --> 00:17:56,708 Twirl? Absolutely. 306 00:18:15,166 --> 00:18:16,208 [gasps] 307 00:18:19,958 --> 00:18:22,583 Darling, these boots must be killing you. 308 00:18:23,416 --> 00:18:27,375 -Why don't you unlace them and-- -High kick? I couldn't agree more! 309 00:18:45,208 --> 00:18:46,833 I'm coming for you, baby! 310 00:18:48,375 --> 00:18:51,041 -Do you hear something? -Probably the maracas. 311 00:18:59,583 --> 00:19:01,458 You are in big trouble! 312 00:19:04,083 --> 00:19:05,541 What am I supposed to do with this? 313 00:19:11,125 --> 00:19:12,208 Oh. 314 00:19:12,291 --> 00:19:14,583 Oh, no! You're not bribing your way out of this. 315 00:19:14,666 --> 00:19:17,083 How will I explain why you're not in that shaft? 316 00:19:20,541 --> 00:19:21,583 [gasps] 317 00:19:21,666 --> 00:19:23,458 Oh, well, that worked out. 318 00:19:23,541 --> 00:19:26,125 -I think I found something. -[Violet] "VFD." 319 00:19:26,208 --> 00:19:28,208 The Quagmires said it when they were kidnapped. 320 00:19:28,291 --> 00:19:30,541 -It must be important. -Olaf must be using Lot 49 321 00:19:30,625 --> 00:19:32,750 to smuggle them out of town. 322 00:19:32,833 --> 00:19:35,375 -What does VFD stand for? -I wish I knew. 323 00:19:35,458 --> 00:19:37,166 [Sunny babbling] 324 00:19:44,750 --> 00:19:47,208 [giggles] 325 00:19:47,291 --> 00:19:49,083 -You're safe. -Did you get help? 326 00:19:53,458 --> 00:19:55,916 -The Devil's Tongue knot? -The Devil's Tongue knot. 327 00:20:03,125 --> 00:20:04,875 [Sunny squealing] 328 00:20:06,666 --> 00:20:10,791 They're gone. We left them alone, and we've lost them again. 329 00:20:14,041 --> 00:20:15,541 We haven't lost them yet. 330 00:20:22,958 --> 00:20:25,791 -[Klaus] We don't know where it goes. -[Violet] We know where he's taking them. 331 00:20:25,875 --> 00:20:26,916 Veblen Hall. 332 00:20:28,583 --> 00:20:31,166 I hope there's a way up soon. It's almost morning. 333 00:20:31,250 --> 00:20:35,333 Why would there be a secret passage here? Do you think Jerome knows? 334 00:20:35,416 --> 00:20:38,125 I bet Esmé does. That's probably why Count Olaf knows. 335 00:20:39,333 --> 00:20:40,833 -What do you think Esmé meant-- -Look. 336 00:20:51,916 --> 00:20:52,958 Ashes? 337 00:21:00,416 --> 00:21:02,291 -That was Olaf. -Are you sure? 338 00:21:02,375 --> 00:21:04,375 You saw the tattoo. Who else could it be? 339 00:21:11,625 --> 00:21:13,666 -Now I know. -Now you know. 340 00:21:13,750 --> 00:21:15,125 -But a sugar bowl? -A sugar bowl. 341 00:21:15,208 --> 00:21:18,208 It's hard to believe something so small could cause so much devastation. 342 00:21:18,291 --> 00:21:19,791 Or the loss of so many lives. 343 00:21:19,875 --> 00:21:22,416 I'm not gonna lie. What we do is dangerous. 344 00:21:22,500 --> 00:21:24,833 I've lost friends, associates... 345 00:21:24,916 --> 00:21:26,875 -Even a brother. -Then why do it? 346 00:21:26,958 --> 00:21:28,416 Someone has to take up the torch. 347 00:21:28,500 --> 00:21:30,291 There are fires all over, Olivia, 348 00:21:30,375 --> 00:21:32,625 and we need people who know how to put them out. 349 00:21:32,708 --> 00:21:34,500 I believe you are one of those people. 350 00:21:36,458 --> 00:21:39,708 This started with a sugar bowl stolen from Esmé Squalor, 351 00:21:39,791 --> 00:21:41,750 but it can end with Count Olaf. 352 00:21:41,833 --> 00:21:43,000 -You're with us? -I'm with you. 353 00:21:43,083 --> 00:21:45,041 -To the bitter end? -Will it be bitter? 354 00:21:45,125 --> 00:21:46,916 -We won't know until we get there. -How fast? 355 00:21:47,000 --> 00:21:48,208 How fast can you drive? 356 00:21:53,750 --> 00:21:55,166 Maybe the Quagmires are up there. 357 00:22:16,333 --> 00:22:17,916 -What? -How? 358 00:22:25,541 --> 00:22:28,291 -It's our home. -Why would there be a secret tunnel 359 00:22:28,375 --> 00:22:30,833 from an elevator shaft at 667 Dark Avenue... 360 00:22:32,666 --> 00:22:33,666 to our home? 361 00:22:37,666 --> 00:22:39,166 [babbles] 362 00:22:39,250 --> 00:22:40,458 [Lemony] "What does it mean?" 363 00:22:40,541 --> 00:22:44,708 I wish I could answer Sunny Baudelaire's important question. 364 00:22:44,791 --> 00:22:48,500 Opening a secret hatch into the remains of the Baudelaire home 365 00:22:48,583 --> 00:22:50,916 is like opening a mysterious box 366 00:22:51,000 --> 00:22:54,375 that I have had in my possession for many years. 367 00:22:54,958 --> 00:22:56,958 Inside the box is a map. 368 00:22:57,458 --> 00:23:00,583 I have spent many hours going over the dotted lines 369 00:23:00,666 --> 00:23:02,625 indicating the underground tunnel 370 00:23:02,708 --> 00:23:06,583 that begins at the ersatz elevator shaft of 667 Dark Avenue 371 00:23:06,666 --> 00:23:08,625 and leads to the Baudelaire home. 372 00:23:08,708 --> 00:23:11,875 -Our parents couldn't have known. -Could they? 373 00:23:16,208 --> 00:23:17,875 [babbles] 374 00:23:18,875 --> 00:23:22,000 Sunny's right. We'd better hurry. The auction already started. 375 00:23:22,750 --> 00:23:25,833 [Gunther] The auction, please, has started. 376 00:23:25,916 --> 00:23:29,166 As you can see, Lot Número One-o 377 00:23:29,250 --> 00:23:34,333 is a wanted poster for notorious good-looking villain named Count Olaf. 378 00:23:34,416 --> 00:23:37,666 Let's start it at five. Do we hear five? 379 00:23:40,666 --> 00:23:41,666 Five? [stammers] 380 00:23:44,125 --> 00:23:45,000 [man coughs] 381 00:23:45,583 --> 00:23:46,875 Is that a... No. 382 00:23:48,541 --> 00:23:50,916 Four and a half? It's beautiful poster. 383 00:23:53,666 --> 00:23:54,750 We could add a pack of gum. 384 00:23:54,833 --> 00:23:55,958 [crowd murmuring excitedly] 385 00:24:00,583 --> 00:24:01,541 [horn honks] 386 00:24:01,625 --> 00:24:05,125 Out of the way! I'm trying to get somewhere quickly. 387 00:24:05,208 --> 00:24:06,041 Mr. Poe? 388 00:24:07,958 --> 00:24:10,916 Baudelaires? Why are you here and so dusty? 389 00:24:11,000 --> 00:24:13,458 [Eleanora] "Baudelaire Orphans Covered in Ashes!" 390 00:24:13,541 --> 00:24:17,375 Wait until the readers of the Daily Punctilio hear about this! 391 00:24:17,458 --> 00:24:19,916 There's no time to explain. You need to give us a ride. 392 00:24:20,000 --> 00:24:22,333 I can't possibly give you a ride. 393 00:24:22,416 --> 00:24:25,666 -I'm running late to the In Auction. -That's where we need to go. 394 00:24:25,750 --> 00:24:29,208 I don't know, dear. It says the auction is invitation only. 395 00:24:29,291 --> 00:24:32,416 Oh, no. It's a charitable function, so let's be charitable. 396 00:24:32,500 --> 00:24:34,708 I'll try and get you in as my guests. 397 00:24:34,791 --> 00:24:36,958 Don't get ashes on the upholstery. 398 00:24:40,750 --> 00:24:46,875 [as Gunther] This red herring fish will be a lovely addition to any home 399 00:24:46,958 --> 00:24:51,375 or place of business or, how do you say, dentist office lobby. 400 00:24:51,458 --> 00:24:55,916 -In old country, fish is called seafood. -[Esmé] Good point, Gunther. 401 00:24:56,000 --> 00:24:58,250 The catalog lists a solid gold salmon, 402 00:24:58,333 --> 00:25:01,291 but we threw that in the garbage now that herring is in. 403 00:25:01,375 --> 00:25:03,416 We need to bid on an item. 404 00:25:03,500 --> 00:25:05,208 Oh... I don't think so. 405 00:25:05,291 --> 00:25:08,958 I'm glad you're showing interest in activities of the upper-middle class, 406 00:25:09,041 --> 00:25:13,041 but I can't condone spending large sums of money on frivolous items. 407 00:25:13,125 --> 00:25:16,458 Look, dear, a wooden spoon with googly eyes! 408 00:25:16,541 --> 00:25:17,916 We'll bid high. 409 00:25:18,000 --> 00:25:19,000 Enjoy the show. 410 00:25:19,541 --> 00:25:21,541 Halt there. You're not on the list. 411 00:25:21,625 --> 00:25:24,250 Olaf wants us captured. If you let us in... 412 00:25:24,333 --> 00:25:27,083 -That's like capturing us. -I need to think about this. 413 00:25:27,166 --> 00:25:29,625 Excuse me, but we're wealthy and don't like to wait. 414 00:25:29,708 --> 00:25:31,375 I hear eight and a half. 415 00:25:31,458 --> 00:25:33,666 Eight and a half from Mr. Fellini. 416 00:25:33,750 --> 00:25:38,750 I'd like to bid on that red herring for Herring Houdini, where I work. 417 00:25:38,833 --> 00:25:42,583 Sold! To restaurant person for unknown amount to be paid later. 418 00:25:42,666 --> 00:25:45,166 Next item is Lot 48. 419 00:25:45,250 --> 00:25:51,833 A vase adorned with flower things. Very fragile, very in. 420 00:25:59,375 --> 00:26:00,708 I bid 20! 421 00:26:05,583 --> 00:26:11,250 We proceed as normal, please, to the crying of Lot 49. 422 00:26:11,333 --> 00:26:14,125 -Lot 49. That's VFD. -We're not too late. 423 00:26:14,208 --> 00:26:16,250 Can we use our fortune to bid? 424 00:26:16,333 --> 00:26:19,208 Your parents' will has no provision for public sales. 425 00:26:19,291 --> 00:26:22,791 Can't you bid on it for us? Our friends' lives depend on it. 426 00:26:22,875 --> 00:26:26,416 You shouldn't use hyperbole. But I could make a modest bid. 427 00:26:26,500 --> 00:26:28,250 I did receive that promotion. 428 00:26:28,333 --> 00:26:31,833 -Yes, you did. -What in the world is VFD? 429 00:26:32,958 --> 00:26:35,041 Larry Your-Waiter. Did you get past the bouncer? 430 00:26:35,125 --> 00:26:38,333 Not yet. He has to let me in. I'm on the list. 431 00:26:38,416 --> 00:26:39,916 Yessica Haircut. 432 00:26:40,000 --> 00:26:41,458 [Jacques] Our agents infiltrated the auction. 433 00:26:41,541 --> 00:26:43,166 If we hurry, we can help. 434 00:26:43,250 --> 00:26:46,041 -I'm going 60 in a 55 zone. -Floor it. 435 00:26:46,125 --> 00:26:48,708 This lengthy chronicle of woe and unpleasantness ends today. 436 00:26:48,791 --> 00:26:54,916 VFD, of course, needs no introduction, as is known all over the world 437 00:26:55,000 --> 00:26:58,041 in countries that are foreign and not so foreign. 438 00:26:58,125 --> 00:26:59,875 -Parsley soda? -[gasps] 439 00:27:07,000 --> 00:27:11,958 As you see, is prime specimen, this VFD. 440 00:27:12,041 --> 00:27:16,083 Very large with a few air holes poked in the top at the last minute. 441 00:27:16,166 --> 00:27:19,416 Ladies, please turn the box around on all sides 442 00:27:19,500 --> 00:27:22,416 so everyone can see all of the angles. 443 00:27:22,500 --> 00:27:26,916 Actually, I identify as a man. 444 00:27:29,125 --> 00:27:33,500 Where is women of advanced age, please? And the other guy? 445 00:27:33,583 --> 00:27:36,000 One with, how do you say, alternative fingers? 446 00:27:36,083 --> 00:27:37,333 Let's start the bidding. 447 00:27:37,416 --> 00:27:40,958 Yes, Gunther. That's what any legitimate auctioneer would do. 448 00:27:44,291 --> 00:27:47,000 Very well, please. What is first bid, please? 449 00:27:47,083 --> 00:27:48,750 I bid 20. 450 00:27:48,833 --> 00:27:51,083 -Fifty. -Fifty-five. 451 00:27:51,166 --> 00:27:54,458 We have a bid of 55 from unhelpful banker. 452 00:27:54,541 --> 00:27:55,458 Sixty! 453 00:27:55,541 --> 00:27:58,875 -You're bidding against me. -It'd look nice in the powder room. 454 00:28:01,125 --> 00:28:02,500 -Seventy. -Eighty. 455 00:28:02,583 --> 00:28:04,000 -Ninety. -Oh, goodness. 456 00:28:04,083 --> 00:28:06,791 It's getting expensive. Are you sure you want it? 457 00:28:06,875 --> 00:28:09,250 -Please, Mr. Poe. -Very well, then. 458 00:28:10,041 --> 00:28:12,583 One hundred. And that's my final offer! 459 00:28:13,875 --> 00:28:16,125 -112. -113. 460 00:28:16,208 --> 00:28:18,458 -119. -121. 461 00:28:18,541 --> 00:28:20,083 120. 462 00:28:21,291 --> 00:28:23,000 Darling, 120 is less than 121. 463 00:28:24,583 --> 00:28:25,958 -It is? -Yes! 464 00:28:27,666 --> 00:28:31,291 Okay, sorry. I bid 200. 465 00:28:31,375 --> 00:28:33,875 -[crowd gasps] -What do I care? It's not my money. 466 00:28:33,958 --> 00:28:37,000 I'm sorry, but I cannot let you bid any higher. 467 00:28:37,083 --> 00:28:40,041 -I don't want to spoil you. -Let someone else have a turn. 468 00:28:40,125 --> 00:28:44,583 I have bid of 200, please, from someone who will be yelled at later. 469 00:28:44,666 --> 00:28:47,416 -Pack it up and take it away, please. -[Jerome] Not so fast. 470 00:28:49,250 --> 00:28:51,916 -Jerome? -Yes, darling. I'm sorry I'm late. 471 00:28:52,000 --> 00:28:55,833 I could not get off the sofa. It must have been something I ate. 472 00:28:56,625 --> 00:28:58,333 I've had pickled herring problems myself. 473 00:28:58,416 --> 00:29:00,416 Hello, everyone. I'm Jerome, 474 00:29:00,500 --> 00:29:05,375 and I am proudly a legal guardian of Violet, Klaus and Sunny Baudelaire. 475 00:29:05,458 --> 00:29:07,625 In the short time they have been under my care, 476 00:29:07,708 --> 00:29:10,625 I have been impressed with their intelligence, 477 00:29:10,708 --> 00:29:12,625 their fortitude and their charm. 478 00:29:13,291 --> 00:29:14,666 At least while I was awake. 479 00:29:15,500 --> 00:29:18,083 They're noble children, like their parents. 480 00:29:19,125 --> 00:29:23,000 Therefore, if they're interested in a cardboard box with air holes in it, 481 00:29:23,083 --> 00:29:25,458 I'm going to make sure they get it. [chuckles] 482 00:29:26,250 --> 00:29:27,250 204! 483 00:29:27,333 --> 00:29:29,541 Love of my life, don't be an idiot. 484 00:29:29,625 --> 00:29:31,833 You don't know what is going on. 205. 485 00:29:31,916 --> 00:29:36,625 Esmé, love of my life, I am tired of being treated this way. 206. 486 00:29:36,708 --> 00:29:41,541 Well, maybe I'm tired of you! 207! 487 00:29:41,625 --> 00:29:44,333 Maybe I'm tired of both of you! 208. 488 00:29:44,416 --> 00:29:48,000 I'm tired of failure and hopelessness in the face of treachery and doom! 209! 489 00:29:48,083 --> 00:29:50,833 [as Olaf] I'm tired of self-indulgent existential crises 490 00:29:50,916 --> 00:29:54,000 and an overabundance of hardcover books! 210. 491 00:29:54,083 --> 00:29:55,208 [all gasp] 492 00:29:56,875 --> 00:29:58,083 212! 493 00:29:58,166 --> 00:29:59,333 Snicket. 494 00:29:59,416 --> 00:30:01,875 You're not on the list. 213! 495 00:30:01,958 --> 00:30:04,666 I have a splitting headache. 214 and a half! 496 00:30:04,750 --> 00:30:07,958 I have a degree in welterweight boxing. 215! 497 00:30:08,041 --> 00:30:10,208 So do we! 216! 498 00:30:10,291 --> 00:30:14,291 I don't know why my secretary is fighting those two old ladies! 217! 499 00:30:14,375 --> 00:30:16,125 218 that I took from my husband's wallet! 500 00:30:16,208 --> 00:30:17,416 219! 501 00:30:17,500 --> 00:30:18,833 A quarter past 11:00. 502 00:30:18,916 --> 00:30:21,750 I got quarter past 11:00 from person I no longer have to yell at! 503 00:30:21,833 --> 00:30:23,625 Going once, going twice-- 504 00:30:24,375 --> 00:30:25,250 [Sunny babbles] 505 00:30:26,541 --> 00:30:28,250 What did she say? 506 00:30:28,333 --> 00:30:30,250 She said 1,000. 507 00:30:30,333 --> 00:30:31,208 [all] Oh! 508 00:30:35,416 --> 00:30:37,541 Where did Sunny get that kind of money? 509 00:30:37,625 --> 00:30:40,041 She was a receptionist in boarding school, 510 00:30:40,125 --> 00:30:41,958 but I had no idea her salary was that high. 511 00:30:42,041 --> 00:30:45,291 The bid is 1,000. 512 00:30:45,375 --> 00:30:50,166 [as Gunther] Please. Let the little baby give the big money to the pretty lady, 513 00:30:50,250 --> 00:30:51,666 and the auction is over. 514 00:30:51,750 --> 00:30:53,916 The only thing that's over is your horrible plan. 515 00:30:54,000 --> 00:30:56,250 How dare you? 516 00:30:57,833 --> 00:30:58,958 Ah-ah-ah. 517 00:30:59,041 --> 00:31:02,333 You can't open this box until you give me the money. That's illegal. 518 00:31:02,416 --> 00:31:05,791 -What's illegal is auctioning children. -Not everywhere. 519 00:31:05,875 --> 00:31:09,333 The room will see you've broken the law and our friends are in this box. 520 00:31:09,416 --> 00:31:13,833 The Quagmires? Wait till the readers of the Daily Punctilio hear about this! 521 00:31:13,916 --> 00:31:15,250 -Baudelaires! -Duncan! 522 00:31:15,333 --> 00:31:18,583 -Isadora! -Quagmires! Quagmires! 523 00:31:20,125 --> 00:31:22,083 -[both exclaiming] -[crowd gasping] 524 00:31:33,958 --> 00:31:35,166 [laughing] 525 00:31:38,208 --> 00:31:42,583 -Doilies? -Inside the box were... doilies? 526 00:31:42,666 --> 00:31:47,291 Of course! "Very fancy doilies." What else could VFD stand for? 527 00:31:48,250 --> 00:31:52,583 Yes. What in the world, please, could VFD stand for, dusty orphans? 528 00:31:52,666 --> 00:31:55,791 Someone put these children in a long black automobile. 529 00:31:55,875 --> 00:31:57,875 They're dirty and their clothes are frayed. 530 00:31:57,958 --> 00:32:01,750 -So are his! -Frayed? I'm afraid not. 531 00:32:01,833 --> 00:32:04,583 -[laughing] -Whoa! I'm a... Oh! 532 00:32:06,291 --> 00:32:08,416 He has an eye tattoo on his ankle! 533 00:32:09,208 --> 00:32:11,958 He's not Gunther! He's not a foreigner at all! 534 00:32:12,041 --> 00:32:13,250 Arrest this man! 535 00:32:13,333 --> 00:32:16,208 [Eleanora] Wait until the readers of the Daily Punctilio read about this! 536 00:32:20,583 --> 00:32:21,875 [crowd gasping] 537 00:32:21,958 --> 00:32:26,625 Calm down, everyone! Don't blame foreigners for your problems. 538 00:32:26,708 --> 00:32:31,000 He's not a foreigner! He's from the same country as we're in right now! 539 00:32:31,083 --> 00:32:33,250 That's no reason to arrest someone. 540 00:32:33,333 --> 00:32:34,708 He's a criminal. That's enough. 541 00:32:34,791 --> 00:32:38,333 Klaus is right! He's the subject of a citywide manhunt! 542 00:32:38,916 --> 00:32:40,875 He's a source of pain and suffering, 543 00:32:40,958 --> 00:32:44,750 not to mention hours of negotiations at Mulctuary Money Management. 544 00:32:44,833 --> 00:32:49,333 [Esmé] Wait! Before you rush to judgment, there's something I need to share. 545 00:32:52,958 --> 00:32:55,291 All my life, I've climbed the ladder of success 546 00:32:55,375 --> 00:32:58,833 armed only with ruthless ambition and a large inheritance. 547 00:32:58,916 --> 00:33:00,541 I've paid my dues for weeks 548 00:33:00,625 --> 00:33:04,125 to become the city's sixth most important financial advisor, 549 00:33:04,208 --> 00:33:09,333 to become this statuesque powerhouse that stands gorgeously before you. 550 00:33:12,916 --> 00:33:19,541 I had the whole world at my remarkably small feet. And yet... 551 00:33:22,458 --> 00:33:23,458 [stammers] 552 00:33:24,125 --> 00:33:26,750 I had a feeling there was something missing. 553 00:33:34,000 --> 00:33:37,833 It wasn't until I opened my home to three orphans 554 00:33:37,916 --> 00:33:40,833 that I realized just exactly what it was. 555 00:33:40,916 --> 00:33:42,291 [all] Aw! 556 00:33:45,125 --> 00:33:50,125 It was Count Olaf! He's a genius! He's a wonderful acting coach! 557 00:33:50,208 --> 00:33:54,166 He's back in my life after many lonely and successful years, 558 00:33:54,250 --> 00:33:57,000 helping me pursue single-minded, cold-hearted, 559 00:33:57,083 --> 00:33:59,291 perhaps slightly overzealous revenge. 560 00:34:00,125 --> 00:34:03,500 My boyfriend, Count Olaf. 561 00:34:03,583 --> 00:34:07,291 The handsomest, innest man in town. 562 00:34:07,375 --> 00:34:10,916 How could you say something like that? You're my wife! 563 00:34:11,000 --> 00:34:14,166 And besides, ruthless kidnappers aren't in! 564 00:34:14,250 --> 00:34:17,333 [as Olaf] How right you are. We're not in. 565 00:34:17,416 --> 00:34:20,916 We're out. Out of the city, that is! Come on, Esmé! 566 00:34:21,000 --> 00:34:24,041 Don't let the despicable man escape for a sixth time! 567 00:34:25,083 --> 00:34:28,083 -It's all over. -Veblen Hall is the end of the line. 568 00:34:32,541 --> 00:34:33,791 [bell dings] 569 00:34:33,875 --> 00:34:35,291 [screams] 570 00:34:35,375 --> 00:34:37,916 "Veblen Hall Out, Milton Friedman Hall In!" 571 00:34:38,000 --> 00:34:39,250 [clamoring] 572 00:34:42,250 --> 00:34:44,083 No. No! 573 00:34:46,291 --> 00:34:48,416 We better clear out before we're swimming upstream. 574 00:34:48,500 --> 00:34:50,291 -[Olivia] What about Olaf? -[Jacques] I know where to find him. 575 00:34:50,375 --> 00:34:53,458 Veblen Hall might be the end of the line, but it's the start of a tunnel. 576 00:34:57,208 --> 00:34:59,666 [laughs] 577 00:35:00,708 --> 00:35:01,791 They have our friends. 578 00:35:01,875 --> 00:35:04,416 But you said the Quagmires were inside that box of doilies. 579 00:35:04,500 --> 00:35:07,583 -I guess that wasn't his plan. -That wasn't his plan. 580 00:35:07,666 --> 00:35:09,666 -It was a red herring. -It was a red herring. 581 00:35:11,208 --> 00:35:12,458 [both] Red herring. 582 00:35:12,541 --> 00:35:13,625 [both] Red herring! 583 00:35:17,000 --> 00:35:21,083 The words "red herring" do not only refer to a type of foraging fish 584 00:35:21,166 --> 00:35:22,791 that may have a crimson hue 585 00:35:22,875 --> 00:35:25,583 due to being smoked or painted with excessive nail polish. 586 00:35:25,666 --> 00:35:28,791 They can also refer to a distracting or misleading clue, 587 00:35:28,875 --> 00:35:33,166 such as a box marked VFD that had nothing to do with a secret organization 588 00:35:33,250 --> 00:35:35,166 or a pair of kidnapped triplets. 589 00:35:35,958 --> 00:35:39,625 For instance, if I told you that two brave and noble volunteers 590 00:35:39,708 --> 00:35:42,791 were giving chase to Count Olaf and his kidnapping victims... 591 00:35:42,875 --> 00:35:44,916 -By George! -Heavens to Betsy! 592 00:35:45,000 --> 00:35:47,041 That's not my name either. 593 00:35:47,125 --> 00:35:48,791 That would be a red herring, 594 00:35:48,875 --> 00:35:51,458 because it would imply that Olaf was about to be captured, 595 00:35:51,541 --> 00:35:53,625 which, I'm sorry to say, was not the case. 596 00:35:53,708 --> 00:35:55,166 [tires squealing] 597 00:35:56,666 --> 00:35:58,208 [Duncan and Isadora clamoring] 598 00:35:59,375 --> 00:36:02,333 If I told you the city's most prominent journalists 599 00:36:02,416 --> 00:36:05,958 and banking vice presidents were also giving chase... 600 00:36:06,041 --> 00:36:08,125 Wait until the readers of the Daily Punctilio 601 00:36:08,208 --> 00:36:10,208 hear about whatever just happened. 602 00:36:10,291 --> 00:36:12,083 [chuckles] 603 00:36:12,166 --> 00:36:13,500 ...that would be a red herring. 604 00:36:13,583 --> 00:36:16,750 It would imply the Quagmires were about to be rescued, 605 00:36:16,833 --> 00:36:19,625 which I'm sorrier to say was also not the case. 606 00:36:20,708 --> 00:36:22,541 -Duncan! -Isadora! 607 00:36:22,625 --> 00:36:26,083 If I told you the Baudelaires were about to be offered a safe home, 608 00:36:26,916 --> 00:36:28,625 that would be a red herring, too. 609 00:36:29,875 --> 00:36:31,375 Baudelaires! Baudelaires, 610 00:36:31,458 --> 00:36:35,458 it's not safe for you to chase a dangerous villain or her boyfriend. 611 00:36:35,541 --> 00:36:37,375 We need to rescue our friends. 612 00:36:37,458 --> 00:36:40,166 Let the authorities. It's a citywide manhunt. 613 00:36:40,250 --> 00:36:42,500 Olaf was here and the authorities didn't notice. 614 00:36:42,583 --> 00:36:43,541 [Jerome] Don't be hard on them. 615 00:36:43,625 --> 00:36:46,583 You didn't recognize Olaf until it was too late. 616 00:36:46,666 --> 00:36:50,750 But I'm awake now, from Esmé's treachery and after a very long nap, 617 00:36:50,833 --> 00:36:52,500 and I'm still your guardian. 618 00:36:52,583 --> 00:36:56,375 And from now on, I promise you can forget all about Count Olaf. 619 00:36:56,458 --> 00:36:58,291 We'll never forget about him. 620 00:36:58,375 --> 00:37:00,500 We'll never forget our friends. We have to rescue them. 621 00:37:00,583 --> 00:37:04,166 And find the truth about the tunnel between your elevator and our house. 622 00:37:04,250 --> 00:37:05,541 [babbles] 623 00:37:05,625 --> 00:37:08,166 You are in far too much danger, Baudelaires. 624 00:37:08,833 --> 00:37:12,000 I know you're worried about your friends. I know. 625 00:37:12,083 --> 00:37:14,750 But let other people track down Count Olaf. 626 00:37:14,833 --> 00:37:17,916 -Let me keep you safe. -Nowhere is safe with Olaf at large. 627 00:37:18,000 --> 00:37:19,958 We'll never be happy if our friends are in danger. 628 00:37:20,041 --> 00:37:22,333 We are going to find them. You can help us. 629 00:37:24,833 --> 00:37:26,041 Please? 630 00:37:27,875 --> 00:37:29,458 I wish I had your courage. 631 00:37:30,250 --> 00:37:32,958 Your mother always said I wasn't brave enough. [chuckles] 632 00:37:33,041 --> 00:37:34,500 I guess she was right. 633 00:37:36,416 --> 00:37:37,625 She was also right about Esmé, 634 00:37:37,708 --> 00:37:39,583 who only married me for my underground tunnel. 635 00:37:39,666 --> 00:37:42,333 [clears throat and sighs] 636 00:37:42,416 --> 00:37:46,250 I wish you luck. I think you're going to need it. 637 00:37:46,333 --> 00:37:47,750 [kisses] 638 00:38:06,041 --> 00:38:07,666 [Mr. Poe coughing] 639 00:38:11,666 --> 00:38:14,500 -Where is Mr. Squalor going? -It doesn't matter. 640 00:38:14,583 --> 00:38:17,041 I don't think he wants to be our guardian anymore. 641 00:38:19,750 --> 00:38:22,041 Normally, that would be cause for alarm, 642 00:38:22,125 --> 00:38:25,750 but we at Mulctuary Money Management are exploring guardian options 643 00:38:25,833 --> 00:38:28,916 after an uptick in mysterious fires destroying people's homes. 644 00:38:29,625 --> 00:38:34,166 There's a town far, far from here offering to care for our orphaned clientele. 645 00:38:34,250 --> 00:38:37,583 A town with a name that I find both curious and somewhat familiar, 646 00:38:38,166 --> 00:38:39,250 VFD. 647 00:38:42,666 --> 00:38:44,500 -So what do you think? -[both] Yes. 648 00:38:44,583 --> 00:38:45,750 Lovely. 649 00:38:49,250 --> 00:38:53,666 If I told you that the next destination for the Baudelaires was labeled VFD, 650 00:38:53,750 --> 00:38:56,375 that too might be something of a red herring, 651 00:38:56,458 --> 00:38:58,625 because it would imply that at the conclusion 652 00:38:58,708 --> 00:39:01,375 of this fraught and frightening episode in their lives, 653 00:39:01,458 --> 00:39:03,958 they were the only ones heading that direction. 654 00:39:04,333 --> 00:39:08,250 Because while the Baudelaire orphans would soon be far, far away from here, 655 00:39:08,958 --> 00:39:11,708 they would also be far, far from alone. 656 00:39:11,791 --> 00:39:13,250 [Olivia] Where do you think he'd head? 657 00:39:13,333 --> 00:39:15,708 Somewhere far from here. But he'd be far from alone. 658 00:39:15,791 --> 00:39:17,875 -And the Baudelaires? -Their story's not over. 659 00:39:18,541 --> 00:39:20,250 Then what are we waiting for? 660 00:39:20,333 --> 00:39:21,166 [engine revving] 661 00:39:24,416 --> 00:39:25,500 A red herring. 662 00:39:26,583 --> 00:39:27,583 [car starts] 663 00:39:40,583 --> 00:39:42,666 [theme music playing]