1 00:00:00,165 --> 00:00:05,165 ReEncoded By Dr.XJ | PSA www.PSArips.com 2 00:00:06,166 --> 00:00:08,000 [theme song playing] 3 00:00:10,875 --> 00:00:13,708 ♪ Look away, look away ♪ 4 00:00:13,791 --> 00:00:17,875 ♪ Look away, look away ♪ 5 00:00:17,958 --> 00:00:21,750 ♪ This show will wreck your evening Your whole life and your day ♪ 6 00:00:21,833 --> 00:00:24,541 ♪ Every single episode is nothing but dismay ♪ 7 00:00:24,625 --> 00:00:30,458 ♪ So look away Look away, Look away ♪ 8 00:00:30,541 --> 00:00:34,041 ♪ The Baudelaires are hiding In a place crawling with doctors ♪ 9 00:00:34,125 --> 00:00:37,250 ♪ Count Olaf's close behind them With his troupe of lousy actors ♪ 10 00:00:37,333 --> 00:00:40,958 ♪ Something dreadful happens With a big, sharp, rusty knife ♪ 11 00:00:41,041 --> 00:00:45,750 ♪ So if I were you, I'd find Some other way to spend your life ♪ 12 00:00:45,833 --> 00:00:49,708 ♪ Just look away, look away ♪ 13 00:00:49,791 --> 00:00:53,458 ♪ There's nothing but horror And inconvenience on the way ♪ 14 00:00:53,541 --> 00:00:56,541 ♪ Ask any stable person, "Should I watch?" And they will say ♪ 15 00:00:56,625 --> 00:01:01,333 ♪ Look away, look away, look away ♪ 16 00:01:01,416 --> 00:01:05,041 ♪ Look away, look away ♪ 17 00:01:05,125 --> 00:01:08,500 ♪ Look away, look away ♪ 18 00:01:08,583 --> 00:01:13,291 ♪ Look away, look away ♪ 19 00:01:15,208 --> 00:01:16,333 [typing] 20 00:01:24,333 --> 00:01:25,375 [typewriter dings] 21 00:01:34,583 --> 00:01:37,666 My name is Lemony Snicket and I am on the lam, 22 00:01:37,750 --> 00:01:39,041 a phrase which here means 23 00:01:39,125 --> 00:01:43,166 "conveying this information to you while being relentlessly pursued by the law." 24 00:02:09,041 --> 00:02:13,083 Being on the lam is a disheartening and an uncomfortable way to live, 25 00:02:13,166 --> 00:02:16,500 not unlike being squeezed into a tight, dark box... 26 00:02:19,375 --> 00:02:21,625 tossed at high speed from a moving vehicle... 27 00:02:27,916 --> 00:02:30,250 and abandoned on a dusty patch of road, 28 00:02:30,333 --> 00:02:33,000 tormented by doubt and unsure of where you are going, 29 00:02:33,083 --> 00:02:35,958 which, if you are on the lam, is often the only way to travel. 30 00:02:36,041 --> 00:02:39,958 Baudelaires, too, found themselves on the lam. 31 00:02:40,041 --> 00:02:43,250 Tormented by doubt and unsure of where they were going. 32 00:02:43,333 --> 00:02:46,750 Especially when their fire truck ran out of gas deep in the Hinterlands, 33 00:02:46,833 --> 00:02:48,208 a term which here means 34 00:02:48,291 --> 00:02:51,666 "a desolate place unlikely to bring their troubles to an end." 35 00:02:53,125 --> 00:02:54,208 Oh. 36 00:02:57,000 --> 00:02:59,875 But your own troubles could be over this instant 37 00:02:59,958 --> 00:03:02,583 if you are sensible enough to halt this dire programming 38 00:03:02,666 --> 00:03:04,750 by pressing any nearby button marked "stop." 39 00:03:04,833 --> 00:03:06,625 [brakes screech] 40 00:03:14,291 --> 00:03:18,083 I beg you, look away from this sorry tale now. 41 00:03:18,833 --> 00:03:20,958 This may be your last chance. 42 00:03:25,500 --> 00:03:28,166 [Klaus] "Last Chance General Store." An ominous name. 43 00:03:28,250 --> 00:03:31,375 It probably means it's the only building around for miles. 44 00:03:31,458 --> 00:03:33,833 I guess a last chance is better than no chance. 45 00:03:34,583 --> 00:03:36,000 Let's see what we can find. 46 00:03:39,250 --> 00:03:40,458 "Out of gas"? 47 00:03:41,833 --> 00:03:42,750 Out of order. 48 00:03:42,833 --> 00:03:44,541 [Sunny babbles] 49 00:03:46,041 --> 00:03:47,375 [cans clatter] 50 00:03:47,458 --> 00:03:48,750 [Violet sighs] 51 00:03:50,875 --> 00:03:52,083 Should we go inside? 52 00:03:52,166 --> 00:03:55,083 [Violet] If anyone read the paper, they'll know we're on the lam. 53 00:03:55,166 --> 00:03:57,750 If we keep wandering, we'll die of thirst and/or exposure. 54 00:03:57,833 --> 00:03:59,041 And/or Count Olaf. 55 00:03:59,916 --> 00:04:01,708 [Violet] This store has a telegraph machine. 56 00:04:01,791 --> 00:04:02,791 [door chimes] 57 00:04:04,125 --> 00:04:05,250 [man] Is that you, Lou? 58 00:04:06,208 --> 00:04:07,750 -No. -Be right with you. 59 00:04:07,833 --> 00:04:09,083 I'm stacking day-old pastries. 60 00:04:09,166 --> 00:04:10,958 We were hoping to send a telegram. 61 00:04:12,000 --> 00:04:13,916 See the porcelain kittens there? 62 00:04:15,083 --> 00:04:16,125 It's not that aisle. 63 00:04:16,708 --> 00:04:18,875 Turn right at the brooms, left at the fishing poles. 64 00:04:18,958 --> 00:04:21,166 You look familiar. Have I seen you kids before? 65 00:04:22,666 --> 00:04:26,083 -We're child actors. -No, that's not it. 66 00:04:26,666 --> 00:04:28,708 Oh, well. It'll come to me. 67 00:04:31,208 --> 00:04:32,750 That shopkeeper recognized us. 68 00:04:32,833 --> 00:04:35,000 We need to hurry. Who should we telegraph? 69 00:04:35,083 --> 00:04:36,833 I was thinking Mr. Poe's office. 70 00:04:36,916 --> 00:04:38,750 Mr. Poe thinks we're murderers. 71 00:04:38,833 --> 00:04:40,875 His wife's the one writing those stories about us. 72 00:04:40,958 --> 00:04:41,833 [door chimes] 73 00:04:41,916 --> 00:04:45,416 [man] Lou, is that you? Oh, sorry. I'll be right with you, mister. 74 00:04:45,500 --> 00:04:48,458 Mr. Poe might not be much help, but his secretary might be. 75 00:04:48,541 --> 00:04:50,666 You tap out the words while I dictate. 76 00:04:50,750 --> 00:04:53,291 Sunny, you listen to make sure the message goes through. 77 00:04:53,375 --> 00:04:55,875 Remember to say "stop" after every sentence. 78 00:04:55,958 --> 00:04:56,958 What do we say? 79 00:04:57,041 --> 00:05:01,458 To Mulctuary Money Management. Stop. Attention, Mr. Poe. Stop. 80 00:05:05,500 --> 00:05:06,500 Stop. 81 00:05:08,833 --> 00:05:11,541 Hello, hello, hello. 82 00:05:14,333 --> 00:05:16,625 Sir! Sir, we need help! 83 00:05:16,708 --> 00:05:19,375 Hold on. My hands are full of pastries. 84 00:05:37,166 --> 00:05:38,625 [door chimes] 85 00:05:38,708 --> 00:05:39,625 [man] Hiya, Lou. 86 00:05:39,708 --> 00:05:42,291 Milt, put down those scones and look at the headline. 87 00:05:42,375 --> 00:05:44,875 "Murderous orphans spotted in the Hinterlands." 88 00:05:44,958 --> 00:05:47,416 Murderers? Oh, dear. 89 00:05:47,500 --> 00:05:50,750 I know those kids. They're in my store right now. 90 00:05:50,833 --> 00:05:52,166 What do they look like? 91 00:05:52,250 --> 00:05:55,250 They look like innocent children, but they're vicious killers. 92 00:05:59,625 --> 00:06:00,458 [all scream] 93 00:06:00,541 --> 00:06:02,541 -You scared us, mister. -Thank you. 94 00:06:02,625 --> 00:06:05,041 Excuse us. We're trying to catch some murderer kids. 95 00:06:05,125 --> 00:06:06,166 So am I. 96 00:06:33,916 --> 00:06:34,750 [grunts] 97 00:06:40,375 --> 00:06:41,791 [panting] 98 00:06:41,875 --> 00:06:47,083 And when I was 14, I was crowned False Spring Queen. 99 00:06:47,166 --> 00:06:49,916 We had this ceremony with my Snow Scout troupe 100 00:06:50,000 --> 00:06:51,125 at the top of a mountain. 101 00:06:51,208 --> 00:06:52,750 They did a dance around a pole. 102 00:06:52,833 --> 00:06:54,875 It's where I discovered my love of pole dancing. 103 00:06:54,958 --> 00:06:56,125 Klaus, look. 104 00:06:56,208 --> 00:06:59,375 -[Klaus] We don't know what it stands for. -We can't go back in. 105 00:06:59,458 --> 00:07:00,750 What choice do we have? 106 00:07:00,833 --> 00:07:02,916 Then, on the way down the mountain, 107 00:07:03,000 --> 00:07:05,750 we stayed in a cave full of hibernating bears, 108 00:07:05,833 --> 00:07:09,583 which, incidentally, is when I discovered my great love of fur. 109 00:07:12,875 --> 00:07:14,250 Ah, volunteers? 110 00:07:15,125 --> 00:07:16,333 Hop on in. 111 00:07:16,416 --> 00:07:18,583 [all laugh and cheer] 112 00:07:20,916 --> 00:07:22,791 -Are you okay, mister? -[grunts loudly] 113 00:07:22,875 --> 00:07:24,875 They blindsided me with beads. 114 00:07:25,791 --> 00:07:29,250 They also stole some snacks and a visor. 115 00:07:33,416 --> 00:07:34,333 Where'd they go? 116 00:07:37,166 --> 00:07:39,750 [Olaf] There's only one place that road leads to. 117 00:07:42,041 --> 00:07:43,750 Heimlich Hospital. 118 00:07:44,416 --> 00:07:46,500 That's where the sugar bowl is. The librarian told me. 119 00:07:46,583 --> 00:07:47,625 Exactly, my pet. 120 00:07:47,708 --> 00:07:51,166 Those brats are obviously after the sugar bowl, too. 121 00:07:51,250 --> 00:07:52,458 What does that mean? 122 00:07:52,541 --> 00:07:55,958 We can grab them and the sugar bowl in one fell swoop. 123 00:07:56,041 --> 00:07:58,000 How, darling? You're on the lam. 124 00:07:58,083 --> 00:08:00,500 Au contrary. I'm dead. 125 00:08:04,291 --> 00:08:06,375 [Esmé] How delicious. 126 00:08:06,458 --> 00:08:07,625 You're dead. 127 00:08:07,708 --> 00:08:09,708 And the Baudelaires are wanted for your murder. 128 00:08:09,791 --> 00:08:12,041 Thanks to those idiots at the Daily Punctilio, 129 00:08:12,125 --> 00:08:13,375 I'm a free man. 130 00:08:13,958 --> 00:08:15,791 I thought we were officially dating. 131 00:08:15,875 --> 00:08:19,166 Yeah, I don't really like labels. Follow that van! 132 00:08:20,791 --> 00:08:21,750 Um... 133 00:08:22,333 --> 00:08:23,291 Oh! 134 00:08:32,083 --> 00:08:32,916 Hiya. 135 00:08:33,833 --> 00:08:36,833 -Are you VFD? -We certainly are. 136 00:08:41,250 --> 00:08:43,291 Can you tell us what VFD stands for? 137 00:08:43,375 --> 00:08:44,708 We certainly can. 138 00:08:46,250 --> 00:08:48,833 [singing] 139 00:09:07,083 --> 00:09:08,875 Gosh, I love that song. 140 00:09:08,958 --> 00:09:11,583 So VFD stands for Volunteers Fighting Disease? 141 00:09:11,666 --> 00:09:14,791 Yes. We're on our way to fight disease at Heimlich Hospital down the road. 142 00:09:14,875 --> 00:09:17,375 You're welcome to join us, brothers and sisters. 143 00:09:17,458 --> 00:09:19,000 I called you "brother" and "sister" 144 00:09:19,083 --> 00:09:22,250 because we believe that all people are brothers and sisters. 145 00:09:22,333 --> 00:09:25,083 Usually, brothers and sisters share the same parents. 146 00:09:25,166 --> 00:09:26,500 Not always, brother. 147 00:09:26,583 --> 00:09:29,416 We're looking for a group called VFD, we just don't think you're the one. 148 00:09:29,500 --> 00:09:31,458 You need the Library of Records. 149 00:09:31,541 --> 00:09:32,750 The Library of Records? 150 00:09:32,833 --> 00:09:36,083 It's a huge room in the hospital with files from all over the world, 151 00:09:36,166 --> 00:09:40,875 containing answers to any question you could possibly have. 152 00:09:40,958 --> 00:09:44,000 Or so I've heard. Never been in the place myself. 153 00:09:44,083 --> 00:09:46,583 -This hospital does seem safe. -[bearded man] I hope so. 154 00:09:46,666 --> 00:09:50,916 I heard there were murderers around these parts. 155 00:09:51,000 --> 00:09:52,750 Did you read that in the newspaper? 156 00:09:53,416 --> 00:09:58,125 [laughs] No. We never read the newspaper. It's too depressing. 157 00:09:58,208 --> 00:10:01,708 -Our motto is... -[all] No news is good news. 158 00:10:02,875 --> 00:10:06,166 -We're here! We're here! -Now we get to help people... 159 00:10:06,250 --> 00:10:08,750 ♪ By singing ♪ 160 00:10:08,833 --> 00:10:10,125 [all laughing] 161 00:10:10,208 --> 00:10:11,250 Let's go, let's go. 162 00:10:11,333 --> 00:10:14,250 -♪ We... ♪ -♪ Visit people who are very ill ♪ 163 00:10:14,333 --> 00:10:16,708 ♪ And try to make them laugh ♪ 164 00:10:16,791 --> 00:10:20,791 ♪ Even when the doctor says He must saw them in half ♪ 165 00:10:20,875 --> 00:10:25,250 ♪ Tra la la, fiddle dee dee Hope you get well soon ♪ 166 00:10:25,333 --> 00:10:29,375 ♪ Ho ho ho, hee hee hee Have a heart-shaped balloon ♪ 167 00:10:29,458 --> 00:10:30,666 ♪ We... ♪ 168 00:10:30,750 --> 00:10:33,166 ♪ Visit people who are sick And try to make them smile ♪ 169 00:10:33,250 --> 00:10:34,375 I've never liked hospitals. 170 00:10:34,458 --> 00:10:35,708 [Violet] It's half a hospital. 171 00:10:35,791 --> 00:10:39,000 ♪ Even if their noses bleed Or if they cough up bile ♪ 172 00:10:39,083 --> 00:10:41,041 [in high-pitched voice] No frowny faces, okay? 173 00:10:41,125 --> 00:10:44,208 Being cheerful is the point of Volunteers Fighting Disease. 174 00:10:45,416 --> 00:10:46,958 What exactly will we be doing? 175 00:10:47,041 --> 00:10:49,875 Mostly, we wander the halls, singing songs 176 00:10:49,958 --> 00:10:52,625 and handing out heart-shaped balloons to each person on our list. 177 00:10:52,708 --> 00:10:55,708 -[in normal voice] Like the song says. -How does that help fight diseases? 178 00:10:56,250 --> 00:10:58,500 [scoffs] Hey, everyone. 179 00:10:58,583 --> 00:11:02,041 Our new sister wants to know how singing songs fights diseases. 180 00:11:02,125 --> 00:11:03,250 Well, because... 181 00:11:06,291 --> 00:11:08,250 Because when you're laughing, you're... 182 00:11:11,041 --> 00:11:14,125 When you're laughing, you're taking in oxygen or whatever, 183 00:11:14,208 --> 00:11:16,375 and that oxygen goes, um... 184 00:11:17,333 --> 00:11:20,041 A cheerful attitude is the most effective tool against sickness. 185 00:11:20,125 --> 00:11:21,375 I thought antibiotics were. 186 00:11:22,958 --> 00:11:24,333 [babbles] 187 00:11:25,291 --> 00:11:27,958 -Come on, everybody! -[strumming] 188 00:11:28,041 --> 00:11:29,041 ♪ We visit people... ♪ 189 00:11:29,125 --> 00:11:33,000 -We have to find that Library of Records. -Before Olaf finds us. 190 00:11:34,083 --> 00:11:35,750 [Olaf] Baudelaires, Baudelaires. 191 00:11:35,833 --> 00:11:39,125 Wherever you go, I'm always one step behind you. 192 00:11:39,208 --> 00:11:43,125 Not to be melodramatic, but if those brats get the sugar bowl before I do, 193 00:11:43,750 --> 00:11:45,750 I'm going to gouge my own eyes out 194 00:11:45,833 --> 00:11:49,250 and yours and yours and yours, and all eight of yours. 195 00:11:49,833 --> 00:11:50,916 [both] Oi. 196 00:11:51,000 --> 00:11:52,666 It'll be a breeze, my sweet. 197 00:11:52,750 --> 00:11:56,750 The Baudelaires and the sugar bowl are hiding in the same hospital. 198 00:11:56,833 --> 00:11:58,000 Hmm... 199 00:11:58,083 --> 00:12:01,916 I think it's time for a game of "doctors and nurses." 200 00:12:02,000 --> 00:12:03,916 That game makes me uncomfortable. 201 00:12:04,000 --> 00:12:06,291 [white-faced women] Hmm... 202 00:12:06,875 --> 00:12:08,291 [indistinct chatter] 203 00:12:19,041 --> 00:12:20,625 Man with beard, check. 204 00:12:21,541 --> 00:12:24,208 Other volunteers, check. 205 00:12:24,291 --> 00:12:27,208 Here's today's patient list, which, as you know, 206 00:12:27,291 --> 00:12:29,750 is a complete list of patients at Heimlich. 207 00:12:29,833 --> 00:12:31,791 -Thanks, sister. -My name is Babs. 208 00:12:31,875 --> 00:12:33,041 ♪ We... ♪ 209 00:12:33,125 --> 00:12:37,583 ♪ Sing to men with measles And to women with the flu ♪ 210 00:12:37,666 --> 00:12:40,250 ♪ And if you breathe in deadly germs We'll promptly sing to you ♪ 211 00:12:40,333 --> 00:12:41,958 How will we find the Library of Records? 212 00:12:42,583 --> 00:12:43,958 ♪ Tra la la, fiddle dee dee ♪ 213 00:12:44,041 --> 00:12:44,875 Oh. 214 00:12:44,958 --> 00:12:47,916 ♪ Hope you get well soon Ho ho ho ♪ 215 00:12:51,333 --> 00:12:54,125 -[Violet] How are we gonna get inside? -[Klaus] I'll talk our way in. 216 00:12:54,208 --> 00:12:55,666 [babbles] 217 00:12:55,750 --> 00:12:58,041 Sunny's right. Everyone's read the Daily Punctilio. 218 00:12:58,125 --> 00:12:59,916 We're bound to be recognized. 219 00:13:00,000 --> 00:13:01,041 [man] Is someone there? 220 00:13:01,833 --> 00:13:08,458 My eyesight isn't what it used to be, but you appear to be children. 221 00:13:08,541 --> 00:13:10,833 Maybe not everyone. We're volunteers. 222 00:13:10,916 --> 00:13:14,250 Ooh, well, you have come to the right place. 223 00:13:14,333 --> 00:13:18,541 My name is Hal and I have been working here at the Library of Records 224 00:13:18,625 --> 00:13:20,375 for more years than I'd care to count. 225 00:13:20,458 --> 00:13:23,666 Someone should count for me before my eyesight completely goes. 226 00:13:23,750 --> 00:13:25,916 Did Babs send you? 227 00:13:26,000 --> 00:13:28,541 -We're happy to be of assistance. -[Hal] Excellent. 228 00:13:28,625 --> 00:13:30,500 Then come right in and I'll explain everything. 229 00:13:34,416 --> 00:13:35,625 [Olaf] Leave the talking to me. 230 00:13:35,708 --> 00:13:38,375 We can both talk. We're a team of big-deal, snazzy doctors. 231 00:13:38,458 --> 00:13:41,250 You're a nurse. Plus, no one'll believe you went to medical school. 232 00:13:41,333 --> 00:13:43,875 I could have gone to medical school. I love cadavers. 233 00:13:43,958 --> 00:13:46,500 You got your master's in theater and you picked the wrong costume. 234 00:13:46,583 --> 00:13:48,166 They'll believe you went to medical school? 235 00:13:48,250 --> 00:13:49,291 Medical school? 236 00:13:49,375 --> 00:13:52,541 Dr. Medical School. 237 00:13:54,291 --> 00:13:59,958 Hello, I'm Dr. Mattathias Medical School, 238 00:14:00,041 --> 00:14:02,708 and these are my nurses, interns or whatever. 239 00:14:02,791 --> 00:14:06,791 -Hello. -Dr. Medical School, you say? 240 00:14:06,875 --> 00:14:09,125 I don't have you on my list. 241 00:14:09,208 --> 00:14:11,250 Goodness. Oh, dear. 242 00:14:11,333 --> 00:14:12,375 Oh, goodness me. 243 00:14:23,583 --> 00:14:24,958 What's wrong with this one? 244 00:14:26,333 --> 00:14:30,291 I have lists for visitors and staff on my very important clipboard. 245 00:14:30,375 --> 00:14:32,791 If you're not on the list, you can't come in. 246 00:14:33,166 --> 00:14:35,250 -Sounds like a paperwork mistake. -Oh... 247 00:14:35,333 --> 00:14:36,833 [mumbling] 248 00:14:36,916 --> 00:14:38,791 [muffled] A paperwork mistake? 249 00:14:38,875 --> 00:14:44,291 Yeah. Okay. Yes. That does make sense. Okay. 250 00:14:44,375 --> 00:14:47,500 Of course it is. Here's my medical ID pass badge. 251 00:14:50,208 --> 00:14:53,208 Yes. Yes, that seems credible. 252 00:14:53,291 --> 00:14:56,791 Well, with the hospital only half-finished, 253 00:14:56,875 --> 00:14:59,125 we have to be vigilant about keeping out intruders 254 00:14:59,208 --> 00:15:01,083 like raccoons or murderers. 255 00:15:01,166 --> 00:15:03,708 I completely understand. I'm a doctor. 256 00:15:03,791 --> 00:15:07,666 Well, I guess it's okay to say, "Welcome to Heimlich Hospital." 257 00:15:07,750 --> 00:15:12,000 I'm Babs, head of human resources and hospital administration. 258 00:15:12,083 --> 00:15:14,750 I'm also head of party planning, so... 259 00:15:14,833 --> 00:15:16,458 Nice to meet you, Babs. 260 00:15:16,541 --> 00:15:18,500 I'm Dr. Thing That I Said Before. 261 00:15:18,583 --> 00:15:20,333 See you around the operating theater. 262 00:15:20,416 --> 00:15:21,625 You can't go yet. 263 00:15:21,708 --> 00:15:25,041 You'll need to sign and initial this form in triplicate... 264 00:15:26,375 --> 00:15:29,500 -and the next 15 in quadruplicate. -Quadru... 265 00:15:32,458 --> 00:15:36,416 How about I don't sign them and you let me wander around anyway? 266 00:15:37,708 --> 00:15:40,791 Well, then I'd need to call the authorities on you, mister. 267 00:15:42,750 --> 00:15:44,166 [clicks tongue] Of course. 268 00:15:45,833 --> 00:15:48,708 Paperwork makes the world go round. 269 00:15:48,791 --> 00:15:50,333 I thought money did that. 270 00:15:50,416 --> 00:15:51,333 Oh! 271 00:15:51,916 --> 00:15:52,916 You. 272 00:15:53,500 --> 00:15:55,291 [Babs chuckles] 273 00:15:59,458 --> 00:16:03,583 [Hal] Paperwork is the cornerstone of what we do here at Heimlich Hospital. 274 00:16:03,666 --> 00:16:05,958 -[Violet] Not diagnosing? -[Klaus] Or alleviating pain? 275 00:16:06,041 --> 00:16:06,916 [Sunny babbles] 276 00:16:07,000 --> 00:16:08,333 You couldn't do those things 277 00:16:08,416 --> 00:16:11,541 without first typing the details on specialized forms, 278 00:16:11,625 --> 00:16:13,250 which must be on clipboards 279 00:16:13,333 --> 00:16:16,666 until it's time to file them in special folders. 280 00:16:17,416 --> 00:16:21,291 Here is where the paperwork comes to live forever 281 00:16:21,375 --> 00:16:24,541 and thus is the hospital's beating heart. 282 00:16:24,625 --> 00:16:26,208 I wouldn't show this to just anyone, 283 00:16:26,291 --> 00:16:28,833 but you look like people I feel I can trust. 284 00:16:28,916 --> 00:16:31,916 -Well, it's very impressive. -Thank you. 285 00:16:32,541 --> 00:16:34,958 I organized everything myself. 286 00:16:35,041 --> 00:16:39,291 Now, not only does Heimlich Hospital store their information here, 287 00:16:39,375 --> 00:16:42,250 but people send me files from all over the world. 288 00:16:42,333 --> 00:16:44,125 Why send it to a hospital? 289 00:16:44,208 --> 00:16:48,291 There's no safer place to store information than at Heimlich Hospital. 290 00:16:48,375 --> 00:16:50,875 Why, you can find information on everything 291 00:16:50,958 --> 00:16:52,458 from picture frames to pills, 292 00:16:52,541 --> 00:16:56,041 puddings to pyramids, and that's just the "P" aisle. 293 00:16:56,125 --> 00:16:58,375 Think of everything we could learn from these files. 294 00:16:58,458 --> 00:17:00,666 No, no, no. 295 00:17:00,750 --> 00:17:03,166 We file information, not read it. 296 00:17:03,250 --> 00:17:07,125 I don't wanna see you touching a file unless you're putting it away. 297 00:17:07,208 --> 00:17:10,791 The information we hold here is of the utmost importance. 298 00:17:11,375 --> 00:17:14,583 That's why I keep these cabinets locked with my special keys. 299 00:17:19,916 --> 00:17:21,958 "Library of Records." 300 00:17:22,041 --> 00:17:25,666 I bet those brats are hiding there, with their dumb noses in books. 301 00:17:25,750 --> 00:17:28,541 They're drawn to libraries like a cat to catnip 302 00:17:28,625 --> 00:17:31,333 or a hobo to a dying possum. 303 00:17:31,416 --> 00:17:34,250 -Then the sugar bowl might be there too. -We-- 304 00:17:34,333 --> 00:17:37,833 It's very, very, very important to me. 305 00:17:37,916 --> 00:17:40,583 Yes, dear. I know. You've mentioned it several times. 306 00:17:41,166 --> 00:17:44,916 Beatrice stole it from me. I won't rest until it's stolen back. 307 00:17:45,000 --> 00:17:47,541 And if I don't get my hands on the sugar bowl... 308 00:17:49,291 --> 00:17:50,500 I don't know what I'll do. 309 00:17:50,583 --> 00:17:53,541 -She's beautiful. -And terrifying. 310 00:17:54,833 --> 00:17:58,958 This chute is where files go out, but you won't use it much. 311 00:17:59,041 --> 00:18:02,958 Once paperwork comes into the library, it rarely goes out. 312 00:18:03,041 --> 00:18:06,375 It hasn't been used in years. It's probably full of spiders. 313 00:18:06,458 --> 00:18:10,250 Now, most of your work will involve that chute over there, 314 00:18:10,333 --> 00:18:12,666 where the files come in. 315 00:18:12,750 --> 00:18:14,416 You may glance at the file, 316 00:18:14,500 --> 00:18:18,916 but remember to read as little information as possible. 317 00:18:19,000 --> 00:18:21,208 For instance... [clears throat] 318 00:18:26,708 --> 00:18:29,250 I can tell you this file has something to do with 319 00:18:29,333 --> 00:18:33,208 weather last week at Damocles Dock, on the shore of a lake somewhere. 320 00:18:33,291 --> 00:18:35,541 So, I would unlock the cabinet for 321 00:18:35,625 --> 00:18:40,250 "D," "Damocles," or "W," "weather," or "L," "last week." 322 00:18:40,833 --> 00:18:43,041 Wouldn't it be difficult for people to find the information? 323 00:18:43,125 --> 00:18:45,208 They wouldn't know whether to look in "D," "W" or "L." 324 00:18:45,291 --> 00:18:47,041 They'd have to look in all three. 325 00:18:47,125 --> 00:18:51,000 The Library of Records has very strict rules against checking out files. 326 00:18:51,083 --> 00:18:52,666 [knocking at door] 327 00:18:52,750 --> 00:18:54,833 [Mattathias] I'd like to check out a child. 328 00:18:58,583 --> 00:18:59,458 I mean "file." 329 00:19:01,666 --> 00:19:02,916 And you are? 330 00:19:03,000 --> 00:19:05,958 Dr. Mattathias Medical School, at your service. 331 00:19:06,041 --> 00:19:09,250 -Do you have credentials? -Here's my medical ID pass badge. 332 00:19:14,125 --> 00:19:19,541 I'm doing important research on botulism and I would like to consult some folders. 333 00:19:19,625 --> 00:19:21,083 What sub-department are you with? 334 00:19:21,166 --> 00:19:24,791 Did I say "botulism"? I meant annoying little pimples. 335 00:19:30,625 --> 00:19:32,291 That sounds like a bona fide request. 336 00:19:32,375 --> 00:19:34,625 -A "bony" what? -"Fide." 337 00:19:34,708 --> 00:19:36,583 I'd be more than happy to show you our files. 338 00:19:37,750 --> 00:19:38,791 You would? 339 00:19:38,875 --> 00:19:43,000 File an application for folder clearance to the hospital administration 340 00:19:43,083 --> 00:19:46,250 and wait seven to ten business days for approval. 341 00:19:47,500 --> 00:19:50,333 -Oh, really? -Yes, really. Now, goodbye. 342 00:19:58,041 --> 00:20:03,000 [as Olaf] He's obviously hiding them. He could barely look me in the eyes. 343 00:20:03,083 --> 00:20:04,625 Maybe he has poor eyesight. 344 00:20:04,708 --> 00:20:06,416 Their filthy hands are all over my sugar bowl. 345 00:20:06,500 --> 00:20:09,375 -What are we going to do? -Plan number B. 346 00:20:11,333 --> 00:20:15,375 "Dr. Medical School." I've never heard of anything so preposterous. 347 00:20:15,458 --> 00:20:16,416 Neither have we. 348 00:20:16,500 --> 00:20:19,458 Did you see his badge? It looked hand-laminated. 349 00:20:19,541 --> 00:20:20,833 Listen, children. 350 00:20:20,916 --> 00:20:24,375 The Library of Records must be protected at all costs. 351 00:20:24,458 --> 00:20:28,375 We cannot allow anyone unsavory near our precious files. 352 00:20:28,458 --> 00:20:30,708 Do you understand? Of course you do. 353 00:20:30,791 --> 00:20:32,833 You're just like me. 354 00:20:32,916 --> 00:20:37,083 I never liked wandering down the halls singing about diseases. 355 00:20:37,166 --> 00:20:41,500 That's why I wound up here, happy with my files, my paperwork. 356 00:20:41,583 --> 00:20:43,791 And you're just the same, aren't you? 357 00:20:43,875 --> 00:20:46,458 No wonder I trust you completely. 358 00:20:47,375 --> 00:20:50,000 I'm going to file you under "M..." 359 00:20:51,083 --> 00:20:52,166 for "my friends." 360 00:20:52,250 --> 00:20:54,333 [loud thudding] 361 00:20:56,875 --> 00:21:01,041 There's nothing like the sound of a file coming down that chute. 362 00:21:02,041 --> 00:21:04,958 -[Violet] It looks like a film. -Yes, a lot of our files are films. 363 00:21:05,041 --> 00:21:08,291 We have projectors along the south wall for anyone who wants to view them, 364 00:21:08,375 --> 00:21:10,291 but no one does because no one's allowed. 365 00:21:10,375 --> 00:21:11,541 Could you excuse me? 366 00:21:11,625 --> 00:21:16,375 There're very specific instructions about where to file anything labeled "Snicket." 367 00:21:19,041 --> 00:21:19,958 Wait here. 368 00:21:22,416 --> 00:21:23,708 Snicket, as in Jacques Snicket. 369 00:21:23,791 --> 00:21:26,666 -The man who was trying to help us. -Who Count Olaf murdered. 370 00:21:27,625 --> 00:21:28,750 -Hal. -Yes? 371 00:21:29,250 --> 00:21:30,500 We need to look at a file. 372 00:21:30,583 --> 00:21:33,083 [Hal] Our job is to file files, not examine them. 373 00:21:33,166 --> 00:21:37,500 -This particular file is very important. -It's a matter of life and death. 374 00:21:38,250 --> 00:21:40,833 Life and death? That does sound important. 375 00:21:40,916 --> 00:21:45,041 But rules are important too. I'm sorry, children. 376 00:21:45,125 --> 00:21:47,625 [Babs over speaker] Attention. This is Babs, 377 00:21:47,708 --> 00:21:50,291 head of human resources, hospital administration 378 00:21:50,375 --> 00:21:52,333 and the party planning committee. 379 00:21:52,416 --> 00:21:53,625 Due to budget cuts, 380 00:21:53,708 --> 00:21:56,708 the cafeteria will be closing in nine minutes, 381 00:21:56,791 --> 00:21:59,166 the gift shop in three minutes 382 00:21:59,250 --> 00:22:02,333 and the Library of Records right this very second. 383 00:22:07,166 --> 00:22:09,416 Looks like you can't see that file after all. 384 00:22:26,000 --> 00:22:27,958 -Ahh! -[all scream] 385 00:22:28,041 --> 00:22:29,833 Oh! You scared us. 386 00:22:29,916 --> 00:22:30,916 I was practicing. 387 00:22:31,000 --> 00:22:32,458 Everyone, it's showtime. 388 00:22:32,541 --> 00:22:34,958 Take your positions at the X-ray Alcove in Colon Corridor. 389 00:22:35,041 --> 00:22:37,125 That will force her into the Leprosy Elevator Bank. 390 00:22:37,208 --> 00:22:38,666 Places, people, places! 391 00:22:38,750 --> 00:22:40,541 It's great you haven't given up on theater. 392 00:22:40,625 --> 00:22:43,333 -Even though you can't audition... -Seeing that you're dead. 393 00:22:43,416 --> 00:22:44,375 I said places! 394 00:22:45,458 --> 00:22:51,333 Tonight's production of Let's Scare Babs to Death is about to begin. 395 00:22:51,416 --> 00:22:52,750 [chuckling deviously] 396 00:22:53,958 --> 00:22:55,958 What am I supposed to do with this? 397 00:22:56,041 --> 00:22:57,375 [humming] 398 00:23:06,250 --> 00:23:09,500 How odd and oddly frightening. 399 00:23:11,166 --> 00:23:12,000 Hmm. 400 00:23:13,458 --> 00:23:15,083 Oh, my. 401 00:23:19,583 --> 00:23:20,625 [flips light switch] 402 00:23:22,708 --> 00:23:26,916 ♪ We are Volunteers Fighting Disease And we're cheerful all day long ♪ 403 00:23:27,000 --> 00:23:31,708 ♪ If someone said that we were sad That person would be wrong ♪ 404 00:23:31,791 --> 00:23:34,083 -♪ Tra la la, fiddle dee dee... ♪ -Good night, guys. 405 00:23:34,166 --> 00:23:36,083 ♪ Hope you get well soon ♪ 406 00:23:36,166 --> 00:23:39,458 ♪ Ho ho ho, hee hee hee Have a heart-shaped balloon ♪ 407 00:23:46,125 --> 00:23:47,125 [humming] 408 00:23:51,375 --> 00:23:53,125 [distant whining] 409 00:23:53,208 --> 00:23:56,000 Hello? Who's there? 410 00:23:58,625 --> 00:23:59,583 [screams] 411 00:23:59,666 --> 00:24:02,833 -Hello, Babs. Come and play with us. -[gasps] 412 00:24:05,125 --> 00:24:07,833 Excuse me. I just need to go the other way. 413 00:24:07,916 --> 00:24:10,500 I forgot my paperwork. 414 00:24:11,791 --> 00:24:13,500 [panting] 415 00:24:14,708 --> 00:24:16,333 Get a hold of yourself. 416 00:24:16,416 --> 00:24:18,708 You're head of human resources and hospital administration, 417 00:24:18,791 --> 00:24:20,375 for goodness' sake. 418 00:24:20,458 --> 00:24:21,875 And also party planning. 419 00:24:28,041 --> 00:24:29,166 Thunder, go. 420 00:24:29,250 --> 00:24:30,750 [loud clanging] 421 00:24:32,500 --> 00:24:33,625 [gasps] 422 00:24:34,583 --> 00:24:35,541 Lightning, go. 423 00:24:37,500 --> 00:24:38,583 [gasps] 424 00:24:40,041 --> 00:24:41,041 [screams] 425 00:24:42,041 --> 00:24:44,333 -More thunder. -[loud clanging] 426 00:24:44,416 --> 00:24:45,416 [gasps] 427 00:24:47,875 --> 00:24:51,208 ♪ We visit people who are ill ♪ 428 00:24:51,291 --> 00:24:53,875 ♪ And try to make them cry ♪ 429 00:24:55,000 --> 00:24:56,458 ♪ Even when the doctor says ♪ 430 00:24:56,541 --> 00:24:57,875 [Babs screams] 431 00:24:57,958 --> 00:25:00,916 ♪ I'm afraid you'll have to die ♪ 432 00:25:01,000 --> 00:25:02,833 [panting] 433 00:25:04,000 --> 00:25:06,916 [Babs screaming] 434 00:25:07,000 --> 00:25:08,333 Oh, that's my cue. 435 00:25:08,416 --> 00:25:10,083 [screaming] 436 00:25:11,333 --> 00:25:12,666 [panting] 437 00:25:13,875 --> 00:25:14,708 [screams] 438 00:25:14,791 --> 00:25:17,458 Oh! Dr. Medical School, it's you. 439 00:25:17,541 --> 00:25:18,583 Please, Babs. 440 00:25:18,666 --> 00:25:22,041 Dr. Medical School was my mother. Call me Mattathias. 441 00:25:22,125 --> 00:25:23,458 Yes, Mattathias. 442 00:25:23,541 --> 00:25:25,500 Are you quite all right, Babs? 443 00:25:25,583 --> 00:25:28,041 Sorry, I'm afraid I gave myself a bit of a scare. 444 00:25:28,125 --> 00:25:29,500 [Babs giggles sheepishly] 445 00:25:29,583 --> 00:25:35,291 Yes, well, hospitals can be scary places, can't they? 446 00:25:35,375 --> 00:25:36,291 [muffled scream] 447 00:25:38,791 --> 00:25:40,166 [whistling] 448 00:25:47,625 --> 00:25:50,458 We've got to find a way to see the Snicket file. 449 00:25:50,541 --> 00:25:52,041 We'll try Hal again in the morning. 450 00:25:52,125 --> 00:25:54,375 At least this place has beds we can sleep in tonight. 451 00:25:54,458 --> 00:25:55,916 [over speaker] This is Babs, 452 00:25:56,000 --> 00:25:58,333 head of human resources, hospital administration 453 00:25:58,416 --> 00:26:00,083 and the party planning committee. 454 00:26:00,166 --> 00:26:04,000 I'd just like to announce my unexpected, super early retirement. 455 00:26:04,083 --> 00:26:06,916 My replacement will begin immediately. 456 00:26:07,000 --> 00:26:09,250 I'll take these, thank you. 457 00:26:09,333 --> 00:26:10,583 You'll never get away with this. 458 00:26:10,666 --> 00:26:12,750 The paperwork alone is beyond your abilities. 459 00:26:12,833 --> 00:26:14,041 Thank you, Babs. 460 00:26:14,125 --> 00:26:16,916 You certainly appreciate all my hard work over these years. 461 00:26:17,500 --> 00:26:19,166 Greetings, Heimlich Hospital. 462 00:26:19,250 --> 00:26:24,000 This is Dr. Mattathias Medical School with an emergency news bulletin. 463 00:26:24,916 --> 00:26:28,333 Some murderers have been spotted in the hospital, 464 00:26:28,416 --> 00:26:32,833 so we will be conducting a thorough check of each and every bed 465 00:26:32,916 --> 00:26:35,041 until they've been caught. 466 00:26:36,250 --> 00:26:40,541 After all, no one wants to be murdered to death in their sleep. 467 00:26:40,625 --> 00:26:44,208 Good night and sweet dreams. 468 00:26:44,833 --> 00:26:46,833 He's taking over the hospital. 469 00:26:46,916 --> 00:26:49,166 We'll find somewhere in the hospital they won't look. 470 00:26:49,250 --> 00:26:51,958 Can they still hear me? Is there a button... 471 00:26:52,041 --> 00:26:53,916 Oh, here's the button. 472 00:26:54,000 --> 00:26:55,541 The unfinished wing. 473 00:26:55,625 --> 00:26:58,166 If there are no walls, there can't be any security cameras. 474 00:27:03,291 --> 00:27:04,333 [muffled whimpering] 475 00:27:07,666 --> 00:27:11,416 -Find those orphans. -Find the sugar bowl. 476 00:27:11,500 --> 00:27:12,750 -We'd better split up. -Uh-huh. 477 00:27:23,208 --> 00:27:26,166 Come on, orphans, where are you? 478 00:27:30,750 --> 00:27:32,000 This way's clear. 479 00:27:37,708 --> 00:27:39,166 This hospital gives me the creeps. 480 00:27:41,875 --> 00:27:44,875 [Olaf] I don't care if it's dark and scary. You are not coming back here 481 00:27:44,958 --> 00:27:49,083 until you've searched each and every ward from acne to zinc deficiency. 482 00:27:50,375 --> 00:27:52,791 And stop waving into the camera. 483 00:27:54,791 --> 00:27:55,708 [exclaims] 484 00:28:03,291 --> 00:28:08,250 [hook-handed man] Baudelaires. Baudelaires. 485 00:28:08,333 --> 00:28:11,125 Baudelaires. 486 00:28:13,458 --> 00:28:15,583 Oh, Baudelaires. 487 00:28:22,708 --> 00:28:24,375 Baudelaires. 488 00:28:39,750 --> 00:28:42,416 I hate boring television. 489 00:28:49,458 --> 00:28:51,833 [Olaf over radio] I see movement. Turn left. 490 00:28:51,916 --> 00:28:56,000 Your other left. Your other, other left. 491 00:28:57,166 --> 00:28:58,000 [all scream] 492 00:29:02,916 --> 00:29:04,291 [panting] 493 00:29:08,041 --> 00:29:11,083 -You didn't find anything? -No, and I looked really hard. 494 00:29:11,166 --> 00:29:13,541 No vending machine in this hospital has parsley soda. 495 00:29:14,125 --> 00:29:16,666 They did have this hot brown stuff. 496 00:29:18,750 --> 00:29:19,625 [groans] 497 00:29:19,708 --> 00:29:22,291 It burns my insides, but I've had three cupsful. 498 00:29:22,375 --> 00:29:23,375 It makes me feel alive. 499 00:29:23,458 --> 00:29:25,708 You should be looking for the orphans. 500 00:29:25,791 --> 00:29:29,625 I'm not one of your hench-people. You don't pay me, so you can't yell at me. 501 00:29:29,708 --> 00:29:31,791 Actually, I don't pay them either. 502 00:29:43,833 --> 00:29:46,250 I would like to find the sugar bowl and get out of here. 503 00:29:46,333 --> 00:29:48,000 The smell of hospitals depresses me. 504 00:29:48,083 --> 00:29:51,708 We're not leaving until we find the Baudelaires. 505 00:29:53,875 --> 00:29:56,041 -[Klaus] Careful. -[Violet] Good thing we're at a hospital. 506 00:29:56,125 --> 00:29:57,333 Watch your step, Sunny. 507 00:29:57,416 --> 00:29:59,750 Will this be the worst place we've ever slept? 508 00:30:00,500 --> 00:30:02,416 [Klaus] At this point, it's hard to say. 509 00:30:02,500 --> 00:30:05,625 I did all the heavy lifting in Crow Town, 510 00:30:05,708 --> 00:30:09,208 I caught Babs, I'm the one who looks great in a hat, 511 00:30:09,291 --> 00:30:11,125 so I'm going to retrieve that sugar bowl 512 00:30:11,208 --> 00:30:13,208 while you stand around staring at hallways. 513 00:30:13,291 --> 00:30:16,666 If you think you can do any better, then be my guest. 514 00:30:16,750 --> 00:30:19,125 Fine. I'll just slip into something more frightening 515 00:30:19,208 --> 00:30:20,750 and I'll have that sugar bowl. 516 00:30:20,833 --> 00:30:22,333 That's easier said than done. 517 00:30:23,708 --> 00:30:26,916 You haven't seen my outfit. Move it, losers. 518 00:30:28,083 --> 00:30:30,458 I liked it so much better before Yoko showed up. 519 00:30:30,958 --> 00:30:34,500 Just about everything in this world is easier said than done, 520 00:30:34,583 --> 00:30:35,625 with the exception of 521 00:30:35,708 --> 00:30:38,416 "assisting Sisyphus's cyst-susceptible sister," 522 00:30:38,500 --> 00:30:40,458 which is easier done than said. 523 00:30:41,375 --> 00:30:43,916 [Lemony] Finding a safe place is easier said than done. 524 00:30:44,000 --> 00:30:46,333 That's exactly what the Baudelaires managed to do. 525 00:30:46,416 --> 00:30:51,541 Still, they knew by now that safety is only temporary. 526 00:30:51,625 --> 00:30:54,625 We can't stay here all night. Olaf is looking for us. 527 00:30:54,708 --> 00:30:57,000 We can't keep wandering hoping things will get better. 528 00:30:57,083 --> 00:30:59,708 We're part of a mystery. We'll never be free till we figure it out. 529 00:30:59,791 --> 00:31:02,625 Did you find anything in Duncan and Isadora's notes? 530 00:31:02,708 --> 00:31:04,625 Just codes and poems. 531 00:31:04,708 --> 00:31:07,500 The damage from the harpoon gun made them hard to decipher. 532 00:31:07,583 --> 00:31:09,291 We need to see that file. 533 00:31:09,375 --> 00:31:10,208 How can we get it? 534 00:31:10,291 --> 00:31:11,500 [babbles] 535 00:31:11,583 --> 00:31:12,916 We can't. Hal trusts us. 536 00:31:14,583 --> 00:31:16,666 And I studied the locks. 537 00:31:16,750 --> 00:31:18,833 They'd be difficult to pick without equipment. 538 00:31:19,500 --> 00:31:20,958 We could steal his keys. 539 00:31:27,041 --> 00:31:28,375 Our parents would be disappointed. 540 00:31:28,458 --> 00:31:30,541 They'd know we were doing what's necessary. 541 00:31:30,625 --> 00:31:33,583 Or they'd think we were criminals. Like the newspaper says. 542 00:31:35,083 --> 00:31:36,750 It's a moral dilemma. 543 00:31:38,541 --> 00:31:42,166 [Olaf on speaker] Attention. This is Dr. Mattathias Medical School. 544 00:31:42,250 --> 00:31:46,625 Bed searches will continue until the murderers have been found. 545 00:31:47,666 --> 00:31:52,375 Also, if anyone in the hospital has any valuables of any kind... 546 00:31:52,458 --> 00:31:55,416 Please bring them to the human resources office immediately. 547 00:31:55,500 --> 00:31:57,333 -[both] Thank you. -Thank you. 548 00:31:58,083 --> 00:31:59,208 [Hal] What nonsense. 549 00:32:00,166 --> 00:32:02,625 Murderers don't sleep at night. They're wracked with guilt. 550 00:32:03,375 --> 00:32:06,000 Hal! Please be careful. 551 00:32:06,083 --> 00:32:09,875 Don't worry about me, child. I have the balance of a blind cat. 552 00:32:09,958 --> 00:32:11,541 [board creaks] 553 00:32:11,625 --> 00:32:13,083 I can see that. 554 00:32:13,166 --> 00:32:18,291 I made you children some chicken soup from an old family recipe. 555 00:32:18,375 --> 00:32:22,083 -Just the thing for a night like this. -That's very kind of you. 556 00:32:23,208 --> 00:32:26,250 Let me take that. How did you know we were here? 557 00:32:26,333 --> 00:32:27,916 You're just like me. 558 00:32:28,000 --> 00:32:31,375 I used to love to sleep under the stars when I was a boy. 559 00:32:45,125 --> 00:32:47,333 We put up tents in our backyard. 560 00:32:48,125 --> 00:32:50,958 Mother and Father would help us make s'mores over an open fire. 561 00:32:53,083 --> 00:32:54,291 Where are your parents now? 562 00:33:03,166 --> 00:33:04,000 They're dead. 563 00:33:05,875 --> 00:33:07,208 I'm sorry, children. 564 00:33:08,500 --> 00:33:11,625 I know how dark and lonely the world must feel. 565 00:33:12,708 --> 00:33:14,625 But you can always find a kind person 566 00:33:14,708 --> 00:33:17,375 who's willing to shine a light on you when you need it. 567 00:33:17,458 --> 00:33:20,416 Eventually, you'll learn to shine a light on others in need. 568 00:33:25,791 --> 00:33:27,708 [Lemony] This is not a show about me. 569 00:33:27,791 --> 00:33:30,416 But if it were, instead of telling you how the Baudelaires 570 00:33:30,500 --> 00:33:32,875 were about to have an incident in the library 571 00:33:32,958 --> 00:33:35,750 that gives me the heebie-jeebies when I think of it at night, 572 00:33:36,333 --> 00:33:38,250 I might pause and tell you about something I did 573 00:33:38,333 --> 00:33:40,333 many years ago that still troubles me. 574 00:33:41,125 --> 00:33:43,791 It was necessary, but not nice 575 00:33:43,875 --> 00:33:46,583 and even now, I get a pang of guilt. 576 00:33:46,666 --> 00:33:47,833 This doesn't feel right. 577 00:33:47,916 --> 00:33:51,583 [Lemony] Even now, I ask myself, "Was it really necessary?" 578 00:33:52,166 --> 00:33:55,791 -[snoring] -Was it absolutely necessary 579 00:33:56,625 --> 00:34:00,083 to steal that sugar bowl from Esmé Squalor? 580 00:34:04,250 --> 00:34:05,625 What choice do we have? 581 00:34:05,708 --> 00:34:08,541 [Lemony] The Baudelaires were experiencing similar pangs that evening 582 00:34:08,625 --> 00:34:12,791 as they were about to double-cross a man who almost certainly didn't deserve it. 583 00:34:16,708 --> 00:34:21,208 What? Who? Yes, I may have slipped off there for a sec. 584 00:34:22,083 --> 00:34:24,041 I suggest we all get some sleep. 585 00:34:25,041 --> 00:34:29,250 Paperwork awaits us in the morning. Wait, where are my keys? 586 00:34:29,333 --> 00:34:31,666 Here. I'll put them in your pocket. 587 00:34:31,750 --> 00:34:35,250 So happy I found trustworthy and loyal assistants. 588 00:34:35,333 --> 00:34:37,166 Never in my life did I think 589 00:34:37,250 --> 00:34:40,708 I would trust anyone as much as I trust you three. 590 00:34:40,791 --> 00:34:43,500 Good night, children. I shall file you under "P," 591 00:34:43,583 --> 00:34:45,875 for "people I trust most in this world." 592 00:34:58,500 --> 00:35:00,541 -Good night, Hal. -Good night, Hal. 593 00:35:09,333 --> 00:35:12,958 -I feel terrible about this. -One day, we'll apologize and explain. 594 00:35:13,041 --> 00:35:14,041 [Klaus] Yeah. 595 00:35:15,333 --> 00:35:16,333 But until then? 596 00:35:27,208 --> 00:35:29,333 We better hurry. Olaf could be watching right now. 597 00:35:29,416 --> 00:35:33,375 Hal had specific instructions about where to file something labeled "Snicket." 598 00:35:33,458 --> 00:35:34,875 We'll start with "S." 599 00:35:39,958 --> 00:35:41,375 "Secretary to sediment." 600 00:35:41,458 --> 00:35:42,708 "Shed to sheepshank." 601 00:35:43,291 --> 00:35:44,541 "Shellac to sherbet." 602 00:35:44,625 --> 00:35:45,750 "Sludge to smoke." 603 00:35:46,291 --> 00:35:47,500 "Snack to snifter." 604 00:35:49,041 --> 00:35:50,333 That's the one. 605 00:35:58,208 --> 00:35:59,416 No Snicket. 606 00:35:59,500 --> 00:36:01,041 [babbles] 607 00:36:01,125 --> 00:36:02,416 It's worth a try. 608 00:36:12,083 --> 00:36:13,583 "Hackneyed to Haystack." 609 00:36:14,166 --> 00:36:15,250 "Index to Irony." 610 00:36:15,916 --> 00:36:18,041 "Jabberwocky to Jazzercize." 611 00:36:19,833 --> 00:36:21,041 That's the one. 612 00:36:38,208 --> 00:36:39,291 Nothing. 613 00:36:40,416 --> 00:36:43,000 I'm tired of not understanding what's going on. 614 00:36:43,083 --> 00:36:45,083 -Missing files. -Mysterious guardians. 615 00:36:45,166 --> 00:36:46,625 That tunnel that led to our house. 616 00:36:46,708 --> 00:36:47,708 [babbles] 617 00:36:49,833 --> 00:36:51,375 Do you think that could be it? 618 00:36:51,458 --> 00:36:53,708 We may not know what it stands for, but it's important. 619 00:37:14,125 --> 00:37:15,916 [VFD agent] How's your brother? 620 00:37:16,000 --> 00:37:18,166 Dead or on the lam. Either way, he doesn't mind. 621 00:37:18,250 --> 00:37:20,458 -[Violet] Jacques. -I never thought we'd see him again. 622 00:37:21,000 --> 00:37:22,291 -Are we rolling? -We're rolling. 623 00:37:22,708 --> 00:37:24,791 This is the debriefing of Jacques Snicket. 624 00:37:24,875 --> 00:37:27,916 Mr. Snicket, I need you to lay out, in excruciating detail, 625 00:37:28,000 --> 00:37:30,291 what you know about Olaf, this rash of fires, 626 00:37:30,375 --> 00:37:32,916 and anything we need to know about the orphans. 627 00:37:33,000 --> 00:37:34,625 I should start at the beginning. 628 00:37:34,708 --> 00:37:36,833 But before I do, I have an important update. 629 00:37:37,916 --> 00:37:40,666 There may have been a survivor of the fire. 630 00:37:44,500 --> 00:37:45,625 Did he say... 631 00:37:45,708 --> 00:37:48,041 -Did you say-- -That's right. 632 00:37:48,125 --> 00:37:49,958 One of our parents could still be alive. 633 00:37:52,583 --> 00:37:55,666 I'm wild about movies. Now, who wants popcorn? 634 00:37:58,125 --> 00:37:59,208 Go! 635 00:37:59,291 --> 00:38:00,541 [babbles] 636 00:38:01,166 --> 00:38:02,125 [Esmé grunts] 637 00:38:02,208 --> 00:38:04,250 Dang these stiletto heels! 638 00:38:11,916 --> 00:38:14,000 -We've gotta get out of here. -Not without that film. 639 00:38:14,083 --> 00:38:15,041 Then we have to get it. 640 00:38:30,541 --> 00:38:33,625 I'm filing you under "S" for "smashed flat!" 641 00:38:40,666 --> 00:38:44,416 You and Sunny head for the door. I'll get the film and catch up. 642 00:38:50,375 --> 00:38:52,625 Peek-a-boo, I see you. 643 00:38:55,083 --> 00:38:55,916 [cabinet crashes] 644 00:38:57,125 --> 00:38:58,250 [yells in frustration] 645 00:38:59,375 --> 00:39:00,458 These shoes! 646 00:39:03,791 --> 00:39:06,500 The door's blocked. There's no way out. 647 00:39:10,458 --> 00:39:13,083 But you don't have to hide from me, children. 648 00:39:13,666 --> 00:39:15,833 Maybe we can help each other. 649 00:39:15,916 --> 00:39:18,916 You see, I'm looking for something. 650 00:39:19,000 --> 00:39:21,625 Small, round... 651 00:39:25,333 --> 00:39:26,625 Full of secrets. 652 00:39:30,208 --> 00:39:33,625 Jacques Snicket thought he could hide it from me. 653 00:39:33,708 --> 00:39:35,541 But now he's dead. 654 00:39:35,625 --> 00:39:37,208 [Klaus] We can make it to the mail chute. 655 00:39:38,083 --> 00:39:41,500 And I want it! 656 00:39:53,708 --> 00:39:54,958 I was thinking the same. 657 00:39:55,041 --> 00:39:57,041 [panting] 658 00:39:59,916 --> 00:40:01,250 -Did you get it? -I got it. 659 00:40:02,500 --> 00:40:03,541 [Sunny babbles] 660 00:40:10,500 --> 00:40:11,375 Look out! 661 00:40:15,166 --> 00:40:17,250 -Violet? -I'm okay. 662 00:40:20,375 --> 00:40:22,125 Esmé wants this. We can't let her have it. 663 00:40:22,958 --> 00:40:24,916 -I'll find you. -I knew you had it! 664 00:40:33,166 --> 00:40:36,916 You're all alone, Violet. How does it feel? 665 00:41:23,041 --> 00:41:26,208 The hardest part of life on the lam is to keep moving, 666 00:41:26,291 --> 00:41:29,083 often in a direction that seems wrong, dangerous 667 00:41:29,166 --> 00:41:31,416 or an agonizing combination of both. 668 00:41:31,500 --> 00:41:34,916 Sometimes, as in this moment in the life of Violet, 669 00:41:35,000 --> 00:41:37,250 there simply isn't any other choice to make, 670 00:41:37,333 --> 00:41:40,625 even if you end up regretting your actions for the rest of your life, 671 00:41:40,708 --> 00:41:42,333 however short that may be. 672 00:41:43,541 --> 00:41:46,000 Give it to me! 673 00:41:46,083 --> 00:41:48,208 I will let you go. I promise! 674 00:41:48,791 --> 00:41:50,583 You're a terrible actress. 675 00:41:53,708 --> 00:41:55,583 Come to Mother. 676 00:41:56,583 --> 00:41:57,458 [grunts] 677 00:42:00,125 --> 00:42:02,125 Hello, hello, hello. 678 00:42:05,000 --> 00:42:07,750 Isn't it wonderful when we work together? 679 00:42:28,125 --> 00:42:29,416 [theme music playing]