1 00:00:06,083 --> 00:00:08,041 [theme music playing] 2 00:00:10,750 --> 00:00:13,708 ♪ Look away, look away ♪ 3 00:00:14,250 --> 00:00:17,458 ♪ Look away, look away ♪ 4 00:00:18,083 --> 00:00:21,750 ♪ This show will wreck your evening Your whole life and your day ♪ 5 00:00:21,833 --> 00:00:24,541 ♪ Every single episode is nothing but dismay ♪ 6 00:00:24,625 --> 00:00:26,208 ♪ So look away ♪ 7 00:00:26,291 --> 00:00:29,916 ♪ Look away, look away ♪ 8 00:00:30,875 --> 00:00:33,875 ♪ The Baudelaires are trapped in mountains covered up in snow ♪ 9 00:00:33,958 --> 00:00:37,291 ♪ More villains have arrived And there is no place they can go ♪ 10 00:00:37,375 --> 00:00:41,166 ♪ It's a horrid way to start up this Our third and final season ♪ 11 00:00:41,500 --> 00:00:45,083 ♪ Anyone still watching it has clearly lost all reason ♪ 12 00:00:45,166 --> 00:00:47,458 ♪ Just look away ♪ 13 00:00:47,541 --> 00:00:49,708 ♪ Look away ♪ 14 00:00:49,791 --> 00:00:51,416 ♪ There's nothing but horror ♪ 15 00:00:51,500 --> 00:00:53,416 ♪ And inconvenience on the way ♪ 16 00:00:53,500 --> 00:00:55,333 ♪ Ask any stable person "Should I watch?" ♪ 17 00:00:55,416 --> 00:00:56,541 ♪ And they will say ♪ 18 00:00:56,625 --> 00:00:57,833 ♪ Look away ♪ 19 00:00:58,250 --> 00:01:01,333 ♪ Look away, look away ♪ 20 00:01:01,666 --> 00:01:05,041 ♪ Look away, look away ♪ 21 00:01:05,125 --> 00:01:08,500 ♪ Look away, look away ♪ 22 00:01:08,583 --> 00:01:12,000 ♪ Look away, look away ♪ 23 00:01:15,833 --> 00:01:17,833 [typewriter keys clatter] 24 00:01:25,375 --> 00:01:26,375 [bell dings] 25 00:01:27,875 --> 00:01:29,583 [electricity buzzes, strikes match] 26 00:01:30,875 --> 00:01:33,333 Like handshakes, house pets, and raw carrots, 27 00:01:33,416 --> 00:01:35,750 many things are preferable when not slippery, 28 00:01:35,833 --> 00:01:38,583 and the least preferable slippery thing is a slope, 29 00:01:39,458 --> 00:01:42,750 which is why I implore you to look away. 30 00:01:42,833 --> 00:01:45,125 [raindrops tinkle] 31 00:01:45,208 --> 00:01:46,333 [match lands on floor] 32 00:01:53,625 --> 00:01:55,750 "It's a slippery slope" is an expression 33 00:01:55,833 --> 00:01:59,166 which refers to the way even small, seemingly harmless actions 34 00:01:59,250 --> 00:02:02,208 can set you down a path to something horribly wrong. 35 00:02:03,166 --> 00:02:04,375 My name is Lemony Snicket, 36 00:02:04,458 --> 00:02:07,291 and I am sorry to say that in the lives of the Baudelaire orphans, 37 00:02:07,375 --> 00:02:10,125 every path led to something horribly wrong. 38 00:02:10,500 --> 00:02:13,333 The Baudelaires chose to make new friends at school, 39 00:02:13,416 --> 00:02:15,458 which led to unhinged villainy, 40 00:02:15,541 --> 00:02:17,416 unnecessary physical fitness, 41 00:02:17,500 --> 00:02:18,541 a kidnapping. 42 00:02:18,625 --> 00:02:21,583 Their attempt to rescue their friends led to more villainy, 43 00:02:21,666 --> 00:02:22,875 a long fall in the dark... 44 00:02:22,958 --> 00:02:24,041 [screaming, laughing] 45 00:02:24,583 --> 00:02:25,916 ...and something fishy, 46 00:02:26,000 --> 00:02:27,375 which, when investigated, 47 00:02:28,041 --> 00:02:29,916 led to the death of a noble sibling, 48 00:02:31,166 --> 00:02:32,708 false charges of murder, 49 00:02:32,791 --> 00:02:34,500 and a life on the lam, 50 00:02:34,583 --> 00:02:36,875 which led to more things too horrible to mention, 51 00:02:36,958 --> 00:02:38,500 such as underage driving, 52 00:02:39,000 --> 00:02:40,291 hot air balloon mishaps, 53 00:02:40,750 --> 00:02:42,625 medically suspect surgery, 54 00:02:43,500 --> 00:02:45,291 a career in the circus, 55 00:02:45,875 --> 00:02:48,541 astonishing revelations about a secret organization 56 00:02:48,625 --> 00:02:51,791 and a possible survivor of the fire that destroyed their home, 57 00:02:51,875 --> 00:02:53,208 lions... [roaring] 58 00:02:53,291 --> 00:02:54,541 ...and finally... 59 00:02:55,000 --> 00:02:57,875 a runaway caravan plummeting down a mountain, 60 00:02:57,958 --> 00:03:00,791 for, as Klaus and Violet Baudelaire had discovered... 61 00:03:00,875 --> 00:03:03,208 [rumbling] 62 00:03:03,291 --> 00:03:05,666 ...a slippery slope can also be literal. 63 00:03:12,625 --> 00:03:13,875 [screaming] 64 00:03:14,791 --> 00:03:15,750 What just happened? 65 00:03:15,833 --> 00:03:16,833 We didn't die! 66 00:03:16,916 --> 00:03:17,875 Not yet! 67 00:03:17,958 --> 00:03:18,791 [Violet yells] 68 00:03:20,333 --> 00:03:21,541 How do we stop this caravan? 69 00:03:21,625 --> 00:03:24,166 We have to invent some sort of a braking system! 70 00:03:24,250 --> 00:03:25,416 [grunting] 71 00:03:25,958 --> 00:03:28,375 Violet, now would be a great time for an idea. 72 00:03:30,750 --> 00:03:32,583 [panting] 73 00:03:33,041 --> 00:03:34,916 Violet, hurry! We're running out of road! 74 00:03:35,000 --> 00:03:37,500 Search the caravan for anything long enough to reach the wheel. 75 00:03:38,333 --> 00:03:39,500 How's this? 76 00:03:39,583 --> 00:03:41,208 Perfect. Now use it to jam the wheel. 77 00:03:41,791 --> 00:03:44,333 I'm gonna tie these together and create a drag chute. 78 00:03:47,750 --> 00:03:49,541 [wheels knocking] 79 00:03:50,625 --> 00:03:52,791 Make it fast! This road won't stay straight forever. 80 00:03:55,708 --> 00:03:58,333 I think I've got it. I just need to apply more friction. 81 00:03:58,416 --> 00:03:59,708 [wheels squealing] 82 00:04:01,083 --> 00:04:02,208 How's it going? 83 00:04:03,666 --> 00:04:04,500 Not great. 84 00:04:04,583 --> 00:04:06,458 That's okay. You bought me time to make this. 85 00:04:08,000 --> 00:04:10,000 [panting] 86 00:04:17,458 --> 00:04:18,666 [yelling] 87 00:04:20,708 --> 00:04:22,708 [wind whistling] 88 00:04:27,958 --> 00:04:29,958 [caravan creaking] 89 00:04:31,750 --> 00:04:33,375 [rattling] 90 00:04:33,458 --> 00:04:34,291 [Violet grunts] 91 00:04:40,250 --> 00:04:41,250 [grunting] 92 00:04:41,333 --> 00:04:42,416 [material tearing] 93 00:04:42,500 --> 00:04:44,166 [both grunting] 94 00:04:44,250 --> 00:04:45,958 Try not to think about falling. 95 00:04:46,041 --> 00:04:48,458 But it's impossible to think about anything else. 96 00:05:11,208 --> 00:05:12,166 [material strains] 97 00:05:25,125 --> 00:05:26,583 We're alive. [panting] 98 00:05:26,666 --> 00:05:28,083 We're alive, but we're not okay. 99 00:05:28,166 --> 00:05:30,416 Count Olaf still has Sunny, and we have to get her back. 100 00:05:30,500 --> 00:05:31,666 She must be so scared. 101 00:05:31,750 --> 00:05:35,166 Sunny's tough. She might look like a helpless toddler, but she's a fighter. 102 00:05:35,250 --> 00:05:36,291 And a biter. 103 00:05:38,833 --> 00:05:41,583 -Can you remember anything from the map? -I didn't look at it for long, 104 00:05:41,666 --> 00:05:43,500 but this is the only road through the mountains. 105 00:05:43,583 --> 00:05:45,458 If we follow it, it should lead us to Count Olaf. 106 00:05:45,541 --> 00:05:47,125 -And Sunny. - And Sunny. 107 00:05:47,333 --> 00:05:48,333 It's our fault she's gone. 108 00:05:48,416 --> 00:05:50,416 Count Olaf needs one of us alive to get our fortune. 109 00:05:50,500 --> 00:05:52,291 As long as he thinks we're dead, Sunny is safe. 110 00:05:52,375 --> 00:05:54,083 She won't be safe until we're together again. 111 00:05:54,166 --> 00:05:55,583 Then we'd better keep walking. 112 00:05:57,500 --> 00:06:00,291 [Esmé] Ow! Oh, this baby keeps biting me! 113 00:06:00,375 --> 00:06:01,791 Put her in the glove compartment. 114 00:06:05,458 --> 00:06:08,583 Do you smell that, Esmé? That's the fresh mountain scent 115 00:06:08,666 --> 00:06:11,666 -of T-R-Y-M-F! -What, darling? 116 00:06:11,750 --> 00:06:13,875 -Triumph! -I'm not sure that's the way you spell-- 117 00:06:13,958 --> 00:06:16,541 For years, or at least what seemed like years, 118 00:06:16,625 --> 00:06:19,000 I have pursued the Baudelaire fortune 119 00:06:19,083 --> 00:06:23,500 via a wide variety of brilliant, only partially successful schemes. 120 00:06:23,583 --> 00:06:26,708 But now, finally, I'm on the right path! 121 00:06:26,791 --> 00:06:28,500 -That way. -Aargh! 122 00:06:30,208 --> 00:06:31,041 [gasps] 123 00:06:31,125 --> 00:06:34,375 Now I'm finally on the right path. 124 00:06:34,625 --> 00:06:37,125 Two out of three Baudelaire orphans 125 00:06:37,208 --> 00:06:40,375 have tumbled off a cliff and been smashed flat. 126 00:06:41,666 --> 00:06:43,125 Ugh! Flat. 127 00:06:44,958 --> 00:06:49,333 We are en roo-tay to the secret V.F.D. headquarters 128 00:06:49,416 --> 00:06:51,375 to destroy our enemies once and for all, 129 00:06:51,458 --> 00:06:54,833 including whichever Baudelaire parent survived the fire. 130 00:06:54,916 --> 00:06:57,000 -Probably the mom. -Women are more resilient. 131 00:06:57,083 --> 00:07:01,250 And best of all, the Baudelaire fortune is in my hands, 132 00:07:01,333 --> 00:07:02,833 or at least this infant is. 133 00:07:02,916 --> 00:07:03,875 [growls] 134 00:07:03,958 --> 00:07:05,166 [snarls] 135 00:07:05,250 --> 00:07:06,125 [Olaf inhales] 136 00:07:06,208 --> 00:07:09,750 I haven't felt this sharp and focused since I first smelled kerosene. 137 00:07:10,333 --> 00:07:13,708 My only regret is that I wasn't able to hear the splat, 138 00:07:13,791 --> 00:07:16,458 or whatever sound a caravan makes when it falls off a cliff 139 00:07:16,541 --> 00:07:18,375 and squashes rich kids. [laughs] 140 00:07:18,458 --> 00:07:20,541 -That's your only regret? -[Man] What about your tattoos? 141 00:07:20,625 --> 00:07:22,000 Everyone regrets their tattoos. 142 00:07:22,083 --> 00:07:23,958 -We regret ours. -[Bald Man] Not me. 143 00:07:24,041 --> 00:07:26,583 I don't think we can be sure that Violet and Klaus are dead. 144 00:07:27,041 --> 00:07:30,125 They've gotten themselves out of a number of dangerous situations. 145 00:07:30,208 --> 00:07:32,375 In a way, one can't help but admire them. 146 00:07:32,458 --> 00:07:34,666 One can too help but admire them, 147 00:07:34,750 --> 00:07:36,250 and I am sure they're dead! 148 00:07:36,333 --> 00:07:37,750 They fell off a cliff. 149 00:07:37,833 --> 00:07:41,916 Please! This isn't some overexaggerated melodrama. 150 00:07:42,333 --> 00:07:44,875 [chuckles] 151 00:07:45,333 --> 00:07:47,291 [forced laughter] 152 00:07:47,375 --> 00:07:49,083 [all laughing] 153 00:07:49,166 --> 00:07:51,416 [Lemony] Allow me to offer a word of caution: 154 00:07:51,500 --> 00:07:55,166 If you happen to find yourself on a slippery slope, watch your step. 155 00:07:56,416 --> 00:08:00,375 When you're on top of something, such as a moral threshold or a mountain... 156 00:08:00,458 --> 00:08:03,083 -[laughing] -[Olaf] I'm on top of the mountain! 157 00:08:03,625 --> 00:08:05,583 ...there's nowhere to go but down. 158 00:08:12,750 --> 00:08:14,166 [Lemony] This advice was given to me 159 00:08:14,250 --> 00:08:16,083 by one of the bravest women I've ever known, 160 00:08:16,166 --> 00:08:18,666 a woman who, at that very moment, was running for her life 161 00:08:18,750 --> 00:08:20,166 toward the edge of a cliff. 162 00:08:20,250 --> 00:08:21,916 [wind howling] 163 00:08:23,083 --> 00:08:24,708 Fortunately, like all women, 164 00:08:24,791 --> 00:08:28,625 my sister was an expert at doing the impossible. 165 00:08:29,291 --> 00:08:30,791 Come now, there's nowhere to run. 166 00:08:30,875 --> 00:08:33,250 -Except off a cliff. -Which we plan to throw you off anyway. 167 00:08:33,333 --> 00:08:35,750 But perhaps this doesn't have to end in violence. 168 00:08:35,833 --> 00:08:37,791 Give us the sugar bowl and you can go. 169 00:08:37,875 --> 00:08:38,791 Cross our hearts. 170 00:08:38,875 --> 00:08:39,791 And hope to die. 171 00:08:39,875 --> 00:08:41,208 What do you say, Snicket? 172 00:08:41,750 --> 00:08:43,458 I'd rather jump off a cliff. 173 00:08:53,291 --> 00:08:54,333 [man] Should we follow her? 174 00:08:54,416 --> 00:08:56,833 We'll send the eagles. They're probably starving. 175 00:08:58,583 --> 00:09:00,041 [whistling] 176 00:09:02,166 --> 00:09:03,916 [screeching] 177 00:09:06,000 --> 00:09:08,041 [screeching continues] 178 00:09:16,041 --> 00:09:18,041 [screeching] 179 00:09:28,208 --> 00:09:29,208 [panting] 180 00:09:35,000 --> 00:09:35,833 [grunting] 181 00:09:41,791 --> 00:09:44,416 [exhales deeply] 182 00:09:45,625 --> 00:09:47,375 Oh, you're a trooper, kiddo. 183 00:09:48,250 --> 00:09:51,208 I didn't have my first hang gliding lesson till I was seven. 184 00:09:52,208 --> 00:09:53,208 [exhales] 185 00:09:54,000 --> 00:09:55,750 But we're not out of the woods yet. 186 00:09:57,208 --> 00:09:59,208 I'm on top of the world, Esmé. 187 00:09:59,583 --> 00:10:02,625 Literally and figuratively at my peak. 188 00:10:03,291 --> 00:10:05,000 Technically, it's more of a plateau. 189 00:10:05,083 --> 00:10:07,208 This doesn't look like V.F.D. headquarters. 190 00:10:07,291 --> 00:10:10,458 We must've made a wrong turn at that fork. Somebody read the map wrong. 191 00:10:10,541 --> 00:10:12,666 It's not my fault, darling, you know I hate to read. 192 00:10:12,750 --> 00:10:14,583 And besides, you said you'd been there before. 193 00:10:14,666 --> 00:10:16,125 I was blindfolded. 194 00:10:16,208 --> 00:10:19,458 Stupid secret organizations and their stupid secrecy. 195 00:10:19,541 --> 00:10:21,458 [babbling] 196 00:10:21,541 --> 00:10:22,958 [groans] 197 00:10:23,041 --> 00:10:26,250 This baby doesn't stop complaining, no matter how many times I pinch her. 198 00:10:27,625 --> 00:10:29,375 -Do you see? -If the surviving parent 199 00:10:29,458 --> 00:10:31,000 is hiding in V.F.D. headquarters, 200 00:10:31,083 --> 00:10:33,541 then burning it down will solve all of our problems. 201 00:10:33,625 --> 00:10:34,833 [babbling] 202 00:10:34,916 --> 00:10:37,125 [cackling] 203 00:10:37,208 --> 00:10:39,625 You'll never stop us, if that's what you mean. 204 00:10:39,708 --> 00:10:40,583 That is what she means. 205 00:10:40,666 --> 00:10:43,166 We'll camp here for the night and burn it down in the morning. 206 00:10:43,250 --> 00:10:45,833 It's important to be well-rested before committing arson. 207 00:10:45,916 --> 00:10:49,666 We will surprise those volunteers in the middle of coffee, or tea, 208 00:10:49,750 --> 00:10:52,125 or whatever it is pretentious people drink. 209 00:10:53,250 --> 00:10:54,583 Pitch the tents! 210 00:10:54,666 --> 00:10:57,583 Oh, and you should probably get those freaks out of the trunk. 211 00:11:02,250 --> 00:11:03,416 There's no paper. 212 00:11:04,958 --> 00:11:06,000 Get out, freaks! 213 00:11:06,083 --> 00:11:09,291 [groaning] It's about time! We could barely breathe in there. 214 00:11:09,375 --> 00:11:11,541 [White Faced Woman] Precious snowflake wants to breathe. 215 00:11:11,625 --> 00:11:15,041 These icy winds are making my hopelessly contorted body shiver. 216 00:11:15,125 --> 00:11:18,666 Oh, my equally strong hands are equally in need of some mittens. 217 00:11:19,041 --> 00:11:21,583 Yeah, well, your equally strong hands can go and chop us some wood. 218 00:11:22,000 --> 00:11:23,583 At least we'll have a nice, warm fire. 219 00:11:23,666 --> 00:11:24,833 Oh, no, you won't. 220 00:11:24,916 --> 00:11:26,500 You freaks can't stay in our campsite. 221 00:11:26,583 --> 00:11:29,291 You think I had a nice warm tent my first night in Count Olaf's troupe? 222 00:11:29,375 --> 00:11:30,458 I had to sleep in the trunk. 223 00:11:30,541 --> 00:11:31,833 We did sleep in the trunk. 224 00:11:31,916 --> 00:11:32,875 Go chop wood, freak. 225 00:11:34,208 --> 00:11:35,208 [sighs] 226 00:11:40,208 --> 00:11:43,875 I thought working for Count Olaf would be glamorous and fun, 227 00:11:43,958 --> 00:11:45,750 but in my short time in his employ, 228 00:11:45,833 --> 00:11:48,208 I have aided in kidnapping and murder, 229 00:11:48,291 --> 00:11:51,250 I have spent a bumpy ride in the trunk of a car, 230 00:11:51,333 --> 00:11:53,625 and I have had my self-worth degraded, 231 00:11:53,708 --> 00:11:55,541 undoing years of therapy. 232 00:11:56,708 --> 00:11:58,916 I'm beginning to question my life choices. 233 00:11:59,750 --> 00:12:02,125 And frankly, so should you! 234 00:12:02,666 --> 00:12:06,416 Aw, precious snowflake wants to question his life choices. 235 00:12:07,083 --> 00:12:10,541 [all chanting] Not like us! Not like us! Not like us! 236 00:12:10,625 --> 00:12:12,708 - Not like us! - Stop standing around. 237 00:12:13,041 --> 00:12:14,041 Freaks. 238 00:12:18,583 --> 00:12:19,583 [Klaus] It's a crossroads. 239 00:12:19,916 --> 00:12:21,458 Technically, it's more of a fork. 240 00:12:21,541 --> 00:12:23,916 I meant figuratively. We have to decide which direction to go. 241 00:12:28,250 --> 00:12:30,083 This road leads to the Valley of Four Drafts. 242 00:12:30,166 --> 00:12:32,375 That's where the map said the headquarters were hidden. 243 00:12:32,458 --> 00:12:33,625 That means V.F.D. is that way. 244 00:12:36,750 --> 00:12:39,375 Look at this bottle. There's some liquid in it that isn't frozen, 245 00:12:39,458 --> 00:12:42,500 which means it was recently thrown by a person who doesn't care about littering. 246 00:12:42,583 --> 00:12:43,708 Count Olaf went this way. 247 00:12:43,791 --> 00:12:46,666 If we go to the headquarters, we can find V.F.D. They can help save Sunny. 248 00:12:46,750 --> 00:12:49,250 We can't wait that long. Sunny's in danger right now! 249 00:12:49,333 --> 00:12:51,916 If one of our parents is alive up there, they can fix this. 250 00:12:52,000 --> 00:12:54,750 If one of our parents is alive, do you want to face them without Sunny? 251 00:12:55,541 --> 00:12:56,458 No. 252 00:12:57,291 --> 00:12:58,500 I think we should go this way. 253 00:12:58,583 --> 00:13:00,208 I think we should go this way. 254 00:13:01,166 --> 00:13:02,375 [wind whistling] 255 00:13:02,458 --> 00:13:03,958 [buzzing] 256 00:13:04,041 --> 00:13:04,916 Do you hear something? 257 00:13:05,000 --> 00:13:06,708 -Oh, no. -What are those? 258 00:13:06,791 --> 00:13:08,750 Snow gnats. I read about them in an obscure book. 259 00:13:08,833 --> 00:13:11,375 -What did you read? -They're ill-tempered and well organized. 260 00:13:11,458 --> 00:13:13,291 -Anything else? -Yeah, they sting. 261 00:13:13,375 --> 00:13:14,458 We should go that way. 262 00:13:14,541 --> 00:13:16,125 -[bottle smashes] -I agree. 263 00:13:16,791 --> 00:13:18,000 -Ow! -Ow! 264 00:13:18,083 --> 00:13:18,916 Ow! 265 00:13:19,000 --> 00:13:20,625 -What stops them? -Smoke. 266 00:13:20,708 --> 00:13:22,875 Smoke? How are we supposed to get smoke out here? 267 00:13:22,958 --> 00:13:23,791 I don't know! 268 00:13:23,875 --> 00:13:24,708 Ow! 269 00:13:24,791 --> 00:13:25,833 [gnats buzzing] 270 00:13:25,916 --> 00:13:28,416 [panting] 271 00:13:29,916 --> 00:13:30,833 Look over there! 272 00:13:31,791 --> 00:13:33,791 [gnats buzzing] 273 00:13:39,250 --> 00:13:40,208 The snow gnats stopped. 274 00:13:40,291 --> 00:13:42,416 There must be something inside that scares them. 275 00:13:43,666 --> 00:13:45,625 [Violet] Let's hope it's not a hibernating animal. 276 00:13:47,125 --> 00:13:48,375 Oh, no. 277 00:13:50,208 --> 00:13:52,125 Hello, cakesniffers. 278 00:13:53,291 --> 00:13:55,541 It's called a catchphrase, 279 00:13:55,625 --> 00:13:59,083 a word which here means "a catchy phrase," 280 00:13:59,166 --> 00:14:04,041 and it is one of the most important tools in any pre-former's repertoire. 281 00:14:04,125 --> 00:14:06,166 Wow, it's really nice that you're taking time 282 00:14:06,250 --> 00:14:08,041 out of your busy schedule of plotting arson 283 00:14:08,125 --> 00:14:09,708 to give us an acting lesson, boss. 284 00:14:09,791 --> 00:14:11,083 I'm not just your boss. 285 00:14:11,166 --> 00:14:13,333 Please, I want you to think of me as your mentor. 286 00:14:13,916 --> 00:14:16,458 Besides, I'm about to get everything I've ever wanted in life, 287 00:14:16,541 --> 00:14:17,708 so I'm feeling generous. 288 00:14:17,791 --> 00:14:21,125 [Olaf] A catchphrase should be cool and snappy, 289 00:14:21,208 --> 00:14:25,000 and you should be able to use it in any situation at all, like, um... 290 00:14:25,750 --> 00:14:27,958 "It's my way or the freeway." 291 00:14:28,875 --> 00:14:31,500 Or, "Give me those earrings, Rachel." 292 00:14:31,875 --> 00:14:32,916 And... 293 00:14:33,000 --> 00:14:34,416 it should be rooted... 294 00:14:35,166 --> 00:14:36,208 in the truth, 295 00:14:36,625 --> 00:14:38,541 which is why, when I perform, 296 00:14:38,625 --> 00:14:42,000 I ignore the script and say whatever comes into my mind. 297 00:14:42,958 --> 00:14:46,750 Pajama bottoms. Absinthe. Nickelback. Let's try this right now. 298 00:14:46,833 --> 00:14:49,333 When I point at you, say the first thing that pops into your head. 299 00:14:49,833 --> 00:14:51,500 -I'm in love with you. -Not bad. 300 00:14:51,583 --> 00:14:54,125 -I'm in love with you more. -Now, that's catchy. 301 00:14:55,125 --> 00:14:56,958 -I'm in love with your girlfriend. -Eww. 302 00:14:57,041 --> 00:14:59,791 Is a personal philosophy of moral relativism 303 00:14:59,875 --> 00:15:02,458 the only way to survive in an ethically complex world, 304 00:15:02,541 --> 00:15:05,375 or is it an excuse we use to justify doing bad things? 305 00:15:07,458 --> 00:15:08,583 Could use a polish. 306 00:15:08,666 --> 00:15:10,000 I'm in love with-- 307 00:15:10,083 --> 00:15:11,791 Look what I found, darling! 308 00:15:11,875 --> 00:15:14,791 A pack of strange, green cigarettes just lying in the snow, 309 00:15:14,875 --> 00:15:17,375 as if someone dropped them whilst running for their life. 310 00:15:17,458 --> 00:15:19,750 Smoking is very, very bad for you. 311 00:15:19,833 --> 00:15:21,250 [clears throat] I was mentoring 312 00:15:21,333 --> 00:15:23,083 -the henchpeople, pet. -Oh. 313 00:15:23,166 --> 00:15:25,041 Hooky was about to tell me his catchphrase. 314 00:15:25,125 --> 00:15:27,625 -Hey, the baby's gone. -That's a terrible catchphrase. 315 00:15:27,708 --> 00:15:29,958 Hey, the baby's gone. 316 00:15:30,041 --> 00:15:31,000 What? 317 00:15:40,250 --> 00:15:42,125 Thought you could get away, did you? 318 00:15:42,208 --> 00:15:43,958 Well, you should know by now, 319 00:15:44,041 --> 00:15:47,541 -it's my way or the freeway. -Roadway. 320 00:15:48,458 --> 00:15:51,833 Look around, you saber-toothed papoose. 321 00:15:51,916 --> 00:15:53,125 There's nowhere to run. 322 00:15:53,625 --> 00:15:55,958 You would never survive in the mountains by yourself. 323 00:15:56,500 --> 00:16:00,208 You've always had your irritating siblings to look after you. 324 00:16:00,458 --> 00:16:02,416 Well, not anymore. 325 00:16:02,833 --> 00:16:05,250 So if you want to survive, 326 00:16:05,583 --> 00:16:08,958 I'd be a little less irritating. 327 00:16:09,958 --> 00:16:12,458 -Like that girl from Prufrock Prep. -What girl? 328 00:16:13,208 --> 00:16:14,916 Oh, it was before your time, dearest. 329 00:16:15,000 --> 00:16:17,333 I don't care. I'll scratch her eyes out. 330 00:16:17,416 --> 00:16:19,375 What? It was a little girl. 331 00:16:19,458 --> 00:16:24,333 Short, adorable, with the pretty brooch and the brass knuckles. 332 00:16:24,416 --> 00:16:25,416 What was her name again? 333 00:16:25,500 --> 00:16:26,916 Carmelita Spats. 334 00:16:27,000 --> 00:16:29,958 Go away, cakesniffers! This is a private cave! 335 00:16:31,000 --> 00:16:33,666 Carmelita, who are you talking to? 336 00:16:33,750 --> 00:16:36,708 They're in our cave, so obviously they're cakesniffers. 337 00:16:37,541 --> 00:16:38,500 Wait. 338 00:16:39,416 --> 00:16:41,625 You're those orphans from Prufrock Prep 339 00:16:41,708 --> 00:16:44,166 who lost your home in a fire and then Vice Princie expelled you. 340 00:16:44,250 --> 00:16:46,458 -We've never been to Prufrock Prep. -He did not expel us. 341 00:16:46,541 --> 00:16:49,625 -I knew it. You're the Baudelaires! -[woman gasps] I hope not! 342 00:16:49,708 --> 00:16:52,500 I read about those terrible children in The Daily Punctilio. 343 00:16:52,583 --> 00:16:54,750 It said they are murderers and arsonists. 344 00:16:54,833 --> 00:16:58,083 They started that enormous fire that's still raging across the hinterlands. 345 00:16:58,583 --> 00:17:01,166 -Well, we're not them. We're... -Mountain climbers. 346 00:17:01,250 --> 00:17:03,375 ...mountain climbers. We're looking for our sister. 347 00:17:03,458 --> 00:17:05,625 She's about this tall, she has a good set of teeth, 348 00:17:05,708 --> 00:17:08,125 and she's traveling with a bunch of dangerous-looking people. 349 00:17:08,208 --> 00:17:09,166 Have you seen her? 350 00:17:09,250 --> 00:17:11,791 We haven't seen anyone. We've been in this cave hiding from gnats, 351 00:17:11,875 --> 00:17:14,833 but we have a map of the mountains you can consult. 352 00:17:14,916 --> 00:17:16,708 No! No! 353 00:17:16,791 --> 00:17:18,208 [Carmelita] Scoutmaster Brucie, 354 00:17:18,291 --> 00:17:20,083 this cave is for Snow Scouts only, 355 00:17:20,166 --> 00:17:23,041 and they're obviously the Baudelaires! Look at their little orphan faces! 356 00:17:23,125 --> 00:17:24,416 Now, Carmelita. 357 00:17:24,500 --> 00:17:28,083 Snow Scouts should be accommodating. It's the first word of our pledge. 358 00:17:28,166 --> 00:17:29,041 You're Snow Scouts? 359 00:17:29,125 --> 00:17:32,250 Troupe 113 is the most exclusive Snow Scout troupe in the city. 360 00:17:32,333 --> 00:17:35,750 Only non-cakesniffers with rich, living parents are allowed to join. 361 00:17:35,833 --> 00:17:37,458 [Carmelita] Isn't that right, Brucie? 362 00:17:37,541 --> 00:17:39,083 I have to carry their luggage. 363 00:17:39,166 --> 00:17:40,208 It's designer. 364 00:17:40,291 --> 00:17:42,291 You should carry your own luggage, Carmelita, 365 00:17:42,375 --> 00:17:44,208 and you should join us by the fire. 366 00:17:44,291 --> 00:17:46,333 We have extra parkas and snow suits if you're cold. 367 00:17:46,416 --> 00:17:47,958 And extra masks. 368 00:17:48,041 --> 00:17:49,291 Why would we want masks? 369 00:17:49,375 --> 00:17:51,375 If you're outside, they keep the snow gnats away. 370 00:17:51,458 --> 00:17:55,625 And when you're inside, they make a Very Furtive Disguise. 371 00:17:58,208 --> 00:18:02,291 It has been difficult for me to investigate Sunny Baudelaire's time 372 00:18:02,375 --> 00:18:04,291 as Count Olaf's prisoner. 373 00:18:04,375 --> 00:18:08,500 A few witnesses have died, disappeared, or been carried off by eagles. 374 00:18:08,583 --> 00:18:11,041 [man] Oh, oh, oh! Oopsie! 375 00:18:11,125 --> 00:18:15,375 There is a story that describes more or less the same situation, 376 00:18:15,458 --> 00:18:17,833 and that is the story of Cinderella. 377 00:18:21,166 --> 00:18:22,916 Maybe she can give us some tips. 378 00:18:23,000 --> 00:18:24,958 [Lemony] Cinderella was a young person 379 00:18:25,041 --> 00:18:27,250 who was placed in the care of various wicked people 380 00:18:27,333 --> 00:18:29,958 who teased her and made her do all of their chores. 381 00:18:30,041 --> 00:18:31,458 Look at that useless baby. 382 00:18:31,541 --> 00:18:34,125 It doesn't even know how to get water from a frozen pond. 383 00:18:34,208 --> 00:18:35,708 [scoffs] Look at her carrying a pail! 384 00:18:35,791 --> 00:18:37,833 [roaring laughter] 385 00:18:38,833 --> 00:18:43,041 She was rescued by a fairy godmother who magically created a special outfit 386 00:18:43,125 --> 00:18:46,166 so Cinderella could go to a ball and marry a prince. 387 00:18:49,125 --> 00:18:51,541 If you would like the story of Sunny Baudelaire, 388 00:18:51,625 --> 00:18:55,291 simply take the story of Cinderella and eliminate the fairy godmother, 389 00:18:55,625 --> 00:18:58,916 the special outfit, the ball, the prince, the marriage, 390 00:18:59,000 --> 00:19:01,541 the seasonal gourd that becomes a carriage, 391 00:19:01,625 --> 00:19:04,708 and the ending where they live happily ever after. 392 00:19:04,791 --> 00:19:06,250 There you are, baby. 393 00:19:07,125 --> 00:19:07,958 I, uh... 394 00:19:08,958 --> 00:19:10,291 I made you this outfit. 395 00:19:10,916 --> 00:19:14,833 I know it's nothing special, but... it's warmer than those rags. 396 00:19:14,916 --> 00:19:16,291 Count Olaf would be furious 397 00:19:16,375 --> 00:19:19,291 if you froze to death before he could get your fortune, so... 398 00:19:20,083 --> 00:19:21,416 What are you doing? 399 00:19:22,625 --> 00:19:23,750 [sighs] 400 00:19:30,625 --> 00:19:31,625 You've got, uh... 401 00:19:33,083 --> 00:19:34,791 You've got cinders on your face. 402 00:19:36,958 --> 00:19:37,791 Chabo. 403 00:19:49,375 --> 00:19:50,666 Yay! 404 00:19:50,750 --> 00:19:52,000 Don't give me that look. 405 00:19:52,083 --> 00:19:54,041 [babbling] 406 00:19:54,125 --> 00:19:56,041 And then Cinderella told Prince Charming 407 00:19:56,125 --> 00:19:59,791 that she's got an even more beautiful sister whose name is Carmelita, 408 00:19:59,875 --> 00:20:01,666 so he married her instead. 409 00:20:01,750 --> 00:20:04,916 And then she divorced him and took all of his money. The end! 410 00:20:06,708 --> 00:20:08,208 Now, this is the story 411 00:20:08,291 --> 00:20:10,625 of Sleeping Beauty's even more adorable younger sister-- 412 00:20:10,708 --> 00:20:12,958 Carmelita, you've told nine stories already. 413 00:20:13,041 --> 00:20:14,833 Maybe somebody else would like a turn. 414 00:20:15,416 --> 00:20:17,666 I bet mountain climbers have interesting stories. 415 00:20:17,750 --> 00:20:18,583 [Carmelita] Yeah. 416 00:20:18,666 --> 00:20:21,625 Has anything really terrible happened to you? 417 00:20:23,625 --> 00:20:24,958 We'd rather not share. 418 00:20:25,041 --> 00:20:27,500 You should be more accommodating. After all... 419 00:20:27,583 --> 00:20:32,625 [all chant] Snow Scouts are accommodating, basic, calm, darling, emblematic, 420 00:20:32,708 --> 00:20:35,958 frisky, grinning, human, innocent, jumping, 421 00:20:36,041 --> 00:20:39,208 kept, limited, meek, naploving, official, 422 00:20:39,291 --> 00:20:41,500 pretty, quarantined, recent, scheduled, 423 00:20:41,583 --> 00:20:44,791 tidy, understandable, victorious, wholesome, 424 00:20:44,875 --> 00:20:46,791 xylophone, young, and zippered. 425 00:20:46,875 --> 00:20:51,041 Every morning, every afternoon, every night, and all day long! 426 00:20:51,125 --> 00:20:53,125 That... That can't honestly be your pledge. 427 00:20:53,875 --> 00:20:55,500 How can anyone be "xylophone"? 428 00:20:55,833 --> 00:20:57,291 It's not an adjective. 429 00:20:57,375 --> 00:20:59,916 You can't change the words of the Snow Scout Alphabet Pledge. 430 00:21:00,000 --> 00:21:03,708 The whole point of the Snow Scouts is that we do the same thing over and over! 431 00:21:03,791 --> 00:21:06,375 We wear the same parkas, we recite the same pledge, 432 00:21:06,458 --> 00:21:10,000 and every year, we celebrate False Spring at the top of Mount Fraught. 433 00:21:10,333 --> 00:21:12,333 And we always make Brucie carry our luggage. 434 00:21:13,916 --> 00:21:14,916 What's False Spring? 435 00:21:15,958 --> 00:21:18,666 Anybody who's not a cakesniffer knows that False Spring 436 00:21:18,750 --> 00:21:22,208 is when the weather gets unusually warm before it gets cold again. 437 00:21:22,291 --> 00:21:24,333 We celebrate with a dance around a special pole, 438 00:21:24,416 --> 00:21:27,708 and then I get chosen False Spring Queen! 439 00:21:27,791 --> 00:21:29,750 -It doesn't have to be you. -Yes, it does! 440 00:21:29,833 --> 00:21:33,625 Because I'm the most accommodating, basic, calm-- 441 00:21:33,708 --> 00:21:36,166 Are you sure you two don't have a story? 442 00:21:36,250 --> 00:21:39,041 I'd love to hear a Very Fascinating Drama. 443 00:21:39,416 --> 00:21:40,750 We know all sorts of stories. 444 00:21:40,833 --> 00:21:43,291 Stories about Vastly Frightening Danger. 445 00:21:43,375 --> 00:21:45,083 And Vain Fashionable Divas. 446 00:21:45,166 --> 00:21:47,500 Have you read the story of Anna Karenina? 447 00:21:48,125 --> 00:21:49,375 Our mother read it to us. 448 00:21:49,458 --> 00:21:52,125 We were very young, so she'd stop to explain all the words and themes. 449 00:21:52,208 --> 00:21:53,458 Boring! 450 00:21:53,541 --> 00:21:55,833 Anna Karenina is a classic of Russian literature! 451 00:21:55,916 --> 00:21:57,291 That's another word for boring, 452 00:21:57,375 --> 00:22:00,333 -and so are stories about dead parents. -Carmelita has a point. 453 00:22:00,416 --> 00:22:04,166 Anyhow, it's late, and I feel sick from eating so many marshmallows. 454 00:22:04,541 --> 00:22:06,666 So, everyone, get in your sleeping bags. 455 00:22:06,750 --> 00:22:08,500 You should stay the night here, travelers. 456 00:22:08,583 --> 00:22:10,625 We have some extra horse blankets you can sleep on. 457 00:22:10,708 --> 00:22:13,083 You cakesniffers should sleep far away from us. 458 00:22:13,166 --> 00:22:15,166 Those blankets smell like nail polish. 459 00:22:15,250 --> 00:22:18,000 That's because you spilled nail polish all over them. 460 00:22:20,458 --> 00:22:22,375 [wind howling] 461 00:22:22,458 --> 00:22:24,916 Good night, travelers. The fire should die out in a few hours. 462 00:22:25,958 --> 00:22:28,083 Some things are easier to find in the dark. 463 00:22:28,166 --> 00:22:29,291 Such as? 464 00:22:29,375 --> 00:22:30,333 Missing persons. 465 00:22:30,416 --> 00:22:31,416 Who are you? 466 00:22:31,500 --> 00:22:34,833 Cakesniffers whispering in a cave. Is there anything less adorable? 467 00:22:35,208 --> 00:22:38,208 Come on. We don't socialize with orphans. 468 00:22:49,416 --> 00:22:51,750 -Do you think we can trust him? -He must be with V.F.D. 469 00:22:51,833 --> 00:22:53,875 But why is he disguised as a Snow Scout? 470 00:22:54,416 --> 00:22:56,333 And why did he bring up Anna Karenina? 471 00:22:56,416 --> 00:22:58,583 And why is he the only one wearing a mask? 472 00:22:58,666 --> 00:23:01,125 We'll find out when the fire dies. He was right about one thing. 473 00:23:01,208 --> 00:23:04,125 It'll be easier to find Sunny when it's dark and when Count Olaf is asleep. 474 00:23:06,583 --> 00:23:07,916 -Violet... -Yeah? 475 00:23:09,666 --> 00:23:12,416 If one of our parents is alive, 476 00:23:12,500 --> 00:23:14,125 which one do you think it is? 477 00:23:14,583 --> 00:23:17,333 [wind whistling, fire crackling] 478 00:23:17,416 --> 00:23:18,666 There's no way to know. 479 00:23:19,958 --> 00:23:21,250 I keep wondering anyway. 480 00:23:23,750 --> 00:23:25,166 Me, too. [sighs] 481 00:23:29,125 --> 00:23:30,041 [grunts] 482 00:23:30,125 --> 00:23:33,000 This is probably a test. If we prove to Count Olaf we can survive a night 483 00:23:33,083 --> 00:23:34,916 in this dark, freezing, probably haunted wood, 484 00:23:35,000 --> 00:23:37,041 when we go back in the morning, he'll be so impressed, 485 00:23:37,125 --> 00:23:40,166 he'll welcome us with open arms and say all the nice things my dad never did. 486 00:23:40,250 --> 00:23:41,708 We don't have to go back at all. 487 00:23:41,791 --> 00:23:43,583 I've got some money saved up from the carnival. 488 00:23:43,666 --> 00:23:45,625 We could buy a patch of farm and live off the land. 489 00:23:45,708 --> 00:23:48,083 -What kind of crops would we grow? -We could grow anything. 490 00:23:48,166 --> 00:23:50,375 It would be helpful to visualize something specific. 491 00:23:50,458 --> 00:23:51,583 Could we grow rutabagas? 492 00:23:51,666 --> 00:23:53,541 We could grow literally anything! 493 00:23:53,625 --> 00:23:54,833 So sure, rutabagas. 494 00:23:54,916 --> 00:23:56,916 -I don't like rutabagas. -Forget about the rutabagas! 495 00:23:57,000 --> 00:23:59,625 The point is, we still have time to turn our lives around. 496 00:23:59,708 --> 00:24:02,208 And if we're on our own, there won't be anyone to call us freaks. 497 00:24:02,291 --> 00:24:05,208 Not Count Olaf, not his troupe, not even your dad. 498 00:24:06,083 --> 00:24:09,458 Madame Lulu always said, "You deserve better." 499 00:24:09,541 --> 00:24:12,416 The Madame Lulu who got eaten by lions, or the one who drove off in a taxi? 500 00:24:12,500 --> 00:24:13,833 I wonder whatever happened to her. 501 00:24:19,625 --> 00:24:20,708 Howdy, stranger. 502 00:24:21,250 --> 00:24:23,250 Hugo? Colette? Kevin? 503 00:24:23,333 --> 00:24:24,791 How does a stranger know our names? 504 00:24:24,875 --> 00:24:27,125 Listen to me, there are dangerous people on this mountain. 505 00:24:27,208 --> 00:24:28,500 We know. We carpooled. 506 00:24:28,583 --> 00:24:30,500 -You have to leave now, before-- -[twig snaps] 507 00:24:30,583 --> 00:24:31,416 I'll lead them away. 508 00:24:31,833 --> 00:24:33,791 Wait! Do you know how to light a fire? 509 00:24:40,000 --> 00:24:41,208 [gasping] 510 00:24:41,291 --> 00:24:43,458 -[Kevin whispering] Thank you. -You deserve better. 511 00:24:51,291 --> 00:24:52,166 What a nut job. 512 00:24:52,250 --> 00:24:54,333 Yeah, she acted like she knew us. That was weird. 513 00:24:54,416 --> 00:24:57,291 Should she really be running around the woods at night when she's pregnant? 514 00:24:57,375 --> 00:24:59,916 -I say she's the real freak, not us! -Not like us! 515 00:25:00,000 --> 00:25:02,541 [all chanting] Not like us! Not like us! 516 00:25:03,833 --> 00:25:05,375 Ooh, anyone else feel that chill? 517 00:25:05,458 --> 00:25:06,333 Oh, hello. 518 00:25:08,000 --> 00:25:08,958 Nice night for it. 519 00:25:09,041 --> 00:25:09,916 Who are you? 520 00:25:10,000 --> 00:25:12,583 I wouldn't worry about boring questions like that. 521 00:25:12,666 --> 00:25:14,625 -Lovely spot, isn't it? -Secluded. 522 00:25:14,708 --> 00:25:17,375 -A warm fire. -Yes, this will do nicely. 523 00:25:17,458 --> 00:25:20,208 You should leave. There are dangerous people on this mountain. 524 00:25:20,291 --> 00:25:23,000 Yeah, us. We're dangerous criminals in Count Olaf's troupe. 525 00:25:23,083 --> 00:25:24,875 You're here with little Olaf? 526 00:25:24,958 --> 00:25:26,083 He's just up on that summit. 527 00:25:26,166 --> 00:25:28,125 All we need to do is scream and he'll come running. 528 00:25:28,208 --> 00:25:31,333 -That's a charming theory. -Let's put it to the test. 529 00:25:33,541 --> 00:25:35,916 [screaming] 530 00:25:37,250 --> 00:25:38,291 Probably weasels. 531 00:25:39,000 --> 00:25:40,125 Those weren't weasels. 532 00:25:42,166 --> 00:25:43,000 [sniffing] 533 00:25:43,500 --> 00:25:46,666 Come on, Snicket. All you've got to do is get off this mountain, 534 00:25:46,750 --> 00:25:50,208 evade your enemies and their eagles, and safe-guard the sugar bowl. 535 00:25:53,708 --> 00:25:54,708 [sighs] 536 00:25:55,250 --> 00:25:56,208 The sugar bowl. 537 00:25:58,750 --> 00:26:00,750 [snoring] 538 00:26:08,791 --> 00:26:09,958 Shh! 539 00:26:10,041 --> 00:26:12,083 [snoring continues] 540 00:26:18,833 --> 00:26:21,666 I had to wait until the fire died down so I could show you. 541 00:26:23,000 --> 00:26:24,833 [Violet] The Vertical Flame Diversion? 542 00:26:24,916 --> 00:26:27,000 It's not just a chimney, it's a secret passageway. 543 00:26:27,083 --> 00:26:29,458 -How did you know it was here? -I've read about it in a book 544 00:26:29,541 --> 00:26:31,958 called The Incomplete History of Secret Organizations. 545 00:26:32,041 --> 00:26:34,625 - We know that book. But how do-- -[Carmelita] What are you doing? 546 00:26:36,333 --> 00:26:37,916 Give me those earrings, Rachel. 547 00:26:38,000 --> 00:26:39,791 [sighs] 548 00:26:40,458 --> 00:26:41,291 Ugh! 549 00:26:42,916 --> 00:26:45,416 We don't know who you are. How do we know we can trust you? 550 00:26:45,500 --> 00:26:47,625 "Xenial" is an adjective that begins with X. 551 00:26:47,708 --> 00:26:49,500 It means being welcoming to strangers. 552 00:26:49,583 --> 00:26:52,333 Having a good vocabulary doesn't guarantee that I'm a good person, 553 00:26:52,416 --> 00:26:53,750 but it does mean I've read a lot, 554 00:26:53,833 --> 00:26:56,458 and in my experience, well-read people are less likely to be evil. 555 00:26:56,541 --> 00:26:57,583 [Carmelita sighs] 556 00:26:57,666 --> 00:27:01,208 I only watch network television. [chuckles] 557 00:27:01,291 --> 00:27:02,125 [snores] 558 00:27:03,125 --> 00:27:05,416 You could take your mask off now. They're asleep. 559 00:27:05,500 --> 00:27:07,291 But there are enemies everywhere. 560 00:27:07,666 --> 00:27:08,541 Follow me. 561 00:27:15,500 --> 00:27:18,375 [Carmelita giggles] Cake! 562 00:27:18,458 --> 00:27:19,875 [coughs] 563 00:27:19,958 --> 00:27:21,625 [snoring continues] 564 00:27:27,458 --> 00:27:28,458 [grunting] 565 00:27:39,750 --> 00:27:41,208 [Lemony] Perhaps when you were young, 566 00:27:41,291 --> 00:27:44,750 someone sang a certain song to you to lull you to sleep, 567 00:27:44,833 --> 00:27:46,791 or to entertain you on a long car trip, 568 00:27:46,875 --> 00:27:48,541 or in order to teach you a secret code. 569 00:27:48,625 --> 00:27:50,833 The song is "The Itsy Bitsy Spider," 570 00:27:51,375 --> 00:27:54,000 and it is one of the saddest songs ever composed. 571 00:27:54,083 --> 00:27:57,833 It tells the story of a small spider who is trying to climb a water spout, 572 00:27:57,916 --> 00:27:59,875 only to be washed away again and again, 573 00:27:59,958 --> 00:28:02,875 until it seems that he will never reach his destination. 574 00:28:02,958 --> 00:28:06,916 As the Baudelaires climbed the seemingly endless Vertical Flame Diversion... 575 00:28:07,000 --> 00:28:08,333 [panting] 576 00:28:08,416 --> 00:28:10,833 ...they could not help feeling like that poor spider. 577 00:28:12,666 --> 00:28:14,166 -[Klaus] Spider! -[Violet pants] 578 00:28:15,208 --> 00:28:16,708 [gasping] 579 00:28:20,916 --> 00:28:23,208 A pony party for me? 580 00:28:23,291 --> 00:28:25,333 And when Klaus stuck his hand into a foothold 581 00:28:25,416 --> 00:28:27,458 serving as a spider condominium, 582 00:28:28,041 --> 00:28:30,375 he felt more like the spout. 583 00:28:32,041 --> 00:28:33,166 We're close. 584 00:28:34,416 --> 00:28:36,166 [Klaus] What do you think we'll find up there? 585 00:28:36,750 --> 00:28:38,333 I know what I hope we'll find. 586 00:28:40,625 --> 00:28:42,208 [exhales] 587 00:28:43,666 --> 00:28:45,666 [straining] 588 00:28:46,250 --> 00:28:48,250 [wind whistling] 589 00:28:48,333 --> 00:28:50,333 [birds squawking] 590 00:29:05,166 --> 00:29:06,416 [yodeling] 591 00:29:23,416 --> 00:29:25,083 I thought I tied you up. 592 00:29:25,875 --> 00:29:27,458 What do you think you're doing? 593 00:29:32,041 --> 00:29:33,458 Hurry up with it. 594 00:29:33,958 --> 00:29:36,916 Wake up, everybody! 595 00:29:38,250 --> 00:29:39,583 We have a big day ahead of us. 596 00:29:39,666 --> 00:29:43,000 I'm going to need a little while to figure out what to wear. 597 00:29:43,416 --> 00:29:45,916 It's not "in" to burn down a secret headquarters 598 00:29:46,000 --> 00:29:48,333 without wearing a fashionable outfit. 599 00:29:48,791 --> 00:29:49,791 Well, tick-tock. 600 00:29:49,875 --> 00:29:52,541 The baby's making breakfast. We'll have the henchpeople set the table. 601 00:29:52,625 --> 00:29:54,833 Oh, it's actually very "in" to dine alfresco. 602 00:29:54,916 --> 00:29:56,416 You're thinking of Al Funcoot. 603 00:29:56,958 --> 00:30:00,041 Believe me, I'm not. Someone bring me some coffee! 604 00:30:00,125 --> 00:30:01,750 Or a brandy sidecar. 605 00:30:02,791 --> 00:30:04,666 You heard the lady. Breakfast! 606 00:30:11,583 --> 00:30:13,333 I think we can do better than that. 607 00:30:14,666 --> 00:30:17,291 The ice is pretty thin. False Spring must be coming. 608 00:30:17,375 --> 00:30:20,041 We're right at the source of Stricken Stream, so... 609 00:30:20,125 --> 00:30:21,166 there should be... 610 00:30:23,125 --> 00:30:25,416 Ah! Salmon galore! 611 00:30:25,500 --> 00:30:26,583 Yeah, here. 612 00:30:27,041 --> 00:30:29,083 Oh, here you go. There you go. 613 00:30:29,875 --> 00:30:31,583 [sighs] 614 00:30:31,666 --> 00:30:34,541 You ever go ice-fishing? My stepdad used to take me. 615 00:30:36,041 --> 00:30:38,250 Oh, no, we just don't see each other anymore. 616 00:30:38,541 --> 00:30:40,750 He didn't approve of some of my life choices. 617 00:30:44,000 --> 00:30:45,375 It's tough losing family. 618 00:30:47,833 --> 00:30:50,666 You know, it wasn't my idea to plunge your siblings to their deaths. 619 00:30:51,833 --> 00:30:54,000 Well, every career path has its drawbacks. 620 00:30:54,083 --> 00:30:57,041 Oftentimes, if you want to do theater, you end up in a life of crime instead. 621 00:30:58,541 --> 00:31:00,666 Oh, God, you sound just like my stepdad. 622 00:31:01,541 --> 00:31:03,291 [Olaf] I'm starving! 623 00:31:05,000 --> 00:31:06,958 Look, don't tell anybody I said this... 624 00:31:07,791 --> 00:31:10,500 but I'll be glad if one of your parents if still alive. 625 00:31:11,916 --> 00:31:13,125 [Olaf] I'm starving! 626 00:31:13,208 --> 00:31:14,083 Get moving, brat. 627 00:31:14,958 --> 00:31:17,250 Not too long ago in the city of Stockholm, 628 00:31:17,333 --> 00:31:19,875 a group of bank robbers took a few prisoners 629 00:31:19,958 --> 00:31:21,458 during the course of their work. 630 00:31:21,541 --> 00:31:24,083 And this vault is where we keep all the fortunes, 631 00:31:24,166 --> 00:31:27,166 although I can't imagine you having any interest in seeing big piles of money. 632 00:31:27,250 --> 00:31:29,250 I keep the combination to the vault on the desk. 633 00:31:29,333 --> 00:31:30,916 It's taped to the three-hole punch. 634 00:31:31,000 --> 00:31:32,250 Now, this-- 635 00:31:33,833 --> 00:31:36,291 For several days, the bank robbers and prisoners 636 00:31:36,375 --> 00:31:38,625 lived together in close proximity, 637 00:31:38,708 --> 00:31:41,583 a word which here means "while the police gathered outside 638 00:31:41,666 --> 00:31:44,333 and eventually managed to take the robbers to jail." 639 00:31:44,708 --> 00:31:46,166 Do you have any nines? 640 00:31:47,125 --> 00:31:48,000 Go fish. 641 00:31:48,583 --> 00:31:49,833 Isn't this fun?! 642 00:31:49,916 --> 00:31:50,750 [crashing] 643 00:31:50,833 --> 00:31:52,625 Freeze! Freeze! 644 00:31:52,708 --> 00:31:54,666 -Everybody freeze! -[screaming] Stop! 645 00:31:54,750 --> 00:31:56,541 When the prisoners were finally freed, 646 00:31:56,625 --> 00:32:00,000 however, the authorities discovered that they had become friends 647 00:32:00,083 --> 00:32:01,416 with the bank robbers. 648 00:32:01,875 --> 00:32:03,250 Keep in touch! 649 00:32:03,875 --> 00:32:06,333 Since that time, the expression "Stockholm Syndrome" 650 00:32:06,416 --> 00:32:08,500 has been used to describe a situation 651 00:32:08,583 --> 00:32:11,250 in which prisoners grow fond of their captors. 652 00:32:11,333 --> 00:32:13,416 But there is also 653 00:32:13,500 --> 00:32:16,666 an expression to describe when captors grow fond of their prisoners. 654 00:32:22,083 --> 00:32:26,375 And that expression has become known as "Mount Fraught Syndrome." 655 00:32:43,166 --> 00:32:44,291 -[mugs jangling] -Hey! 656 00:32:44,375 --> 00:32:47,250 Look what the baby made. 657 00:32:47,916 --> 00:32:50,583 Sorbet, sashimi, and toast tartare. 658 00:32:50,666 --> 00:32:53,458 I had my doubts about putting a baby in charge of the cooking... 659 00:32:53,541 --> 00:32:54,583 But this is delicious. 660 00:32:54,666 --> 00:32:56,958 It's a shame we're constantly exploiting and threatening her 661 00:32:57,041 --> 00:32:59,541 when we could be nurturing her talents for the collective good. 662 00:33:01,708 --> 00:33:04,833 What is this? I wanted orange juice. This is just orange ice! 663 00:33:04,916 --> 00:33:07,416 This toast is raw. Is it safe to eat raw toast? 664 00:33:07,500 --> 00:33:10,791 Of course it isn't. That baby's trying to poison us! 665 00:33:12,125 --> 00:33:13,083 [gasping] 666 00:33:15,708 --> 00:33:18,208 I wanted a nice, hot breakfast, 667 00:33:18,291 --> 00:33:22,041 and instead, you brought me this cold, disgusting nonsense. 668 00:33:22,125 --> 00:33:24,791 Maybe if I throw you off Mount Fraught, 669 00:33:24,875 --> 00:33:26,791 you'll learn your lesson. 670 00:33:34,375 --> 00:33:35,291 I'm kidding. 671 00:33:35,750 --> 00:33:37,500 I'd never throw you off a mountain. 672 00:33:37,583 --> 00:33:39,666 I need you to get your fortune. 673 00:33:40,000 --> 00:33:41,458 I just wanted to scare you. 674 00:33:41,541 --> 00:33:42,875 [forced laughter] 675 00:33:42,958 --> 00:33:46,000 [all laughing] 676 00:33:48,500 --> 00:33:49,625 [screaming] 677 00:33:50,291 --> 00:33:53,083 An aura of menace is a distinct feeling of evil 678 00:33:53,166 --> 00:33:56,125 that accompanies the arrival of certain people. 679 00:33:56,916 --> 00:34:00,333 Having an aura of menace is like having a pet weasel 680 00:34:00,416 --> 00:34:02,666 because you rarely meet someone who has one, 681 00:34:02,750 --> 00:34:05,666 and when you do, it makes you want to hide under your desk. 682 00:34:07,208 --> 00:34:12,083 But there are some people that have such a deep and lasting aura of menace 683 00:34:12,166 --> 00:34:14,166 that I cannot bring myself to say their names, 684 00:34:14,250 --> 00:34:15,583 even after so many years, 685 00:34:15,666 --> 00:34:18,291 and will instead refer to them the way almost everyone does, 686 00:34:18,375 --> 00:34:21,958 as the man with the beard and no hair, and the woman with hair but no beard, 687 00:34:22,041 --> 00:34:26,833 although the very sight of them might make you scream other names. 688 00:34:27,250 --> 00:34:28,416 Mommy! Daddy! 689 00:34:29,416 --> 00:34:31,083 Show some respect, Olaf. 690 00:34:31,625 --> 00:34:34,291 Is that any way to greet the people who raised you? 691 00:34:34,875 --> 00:34:36,375 Boss, are these your parents? 692 00:34:36,458 --> 00:34:39,208 Only figuratively. They were my mentors. 693 00:34:39,291 --> 00:34:42,875 Yes. We played a crucial role in your education, didn't we, Olaf? 694 00:34:42,958 --> 00:34:44,500 Taught you how to set fires. 695 00:34:44,583 --> 00:34:46,791 A few ants, a magnifying glass. 696 00:34:46,875 --> 00:34:48,666 You were lost before we recruited you. 697 00:34:48,750 --> 00:34:50,958 -You needed a push. -A good, hard shove. 698 00:34:51,041 --> 00:34:52,916 Tell us, what have you been doing with your life? 699 00:34:55,125 --> 00:34:55,958 Well... 700 00:34:57,500 --> 00:34:58,750 I am an actor. 701 00:34:58,833 --> 00:34:59,666 [scoffs] 702 00:34:59,750 --> 00:35:02,875 I've been glowingly mentioned in reviews in several small magazines. 703 00:35:05,166 --> 00:35:06,083 This is my troupe. 704 00:35:07,416 --> 00:35:10,583 There are several carnival freaks running around somewhere. 705 00:35:10,958 --> 00:35:11,875 Not anymore. 706 00:35:13,458 --> 00:35:16,250 -[clears throat] -Oh, oh, oh! This is my girlfriend. 707 00:35:16,333 --> 00:35:18,291 Yes! I have a girlfriend. 708 00:35:18,833 --> 00:35:19,666 Good morning. 709 00:35:20,041 --> 00:35:22,625 -I'm Esmé Gigi-- -We know who you are. 710 00:35:22,708 --> 00:35:26,083 You moved into the penthouse at 667 Dark Avenue. 711 00:35:26,166 --> 00:35:27,416 How did that work out? 712 00:35:27,500 --> 00:35:29,208 Jerome and I are having a trial separation. 713 00:35:29,291 --> 00:35:30,833 We meant with the Quagmires. 714 00:35:30,916 --> 00:35:33,625 Quagmire. Oh, uh... It's been so long. 715 00:35:33,708 --> 00:35:35,041 I honestly can't remember. 716 00:35:35,125 --> 00:35:37,916 -Allow us to remind you. -You lost those triplets. 717 00:35:38,000 --> 00:35:38,958 Twins, actually. 718 00:35:39,041 --> 00:35:42,291 After we went to all that trouble to restrain their parents in Peru. 719 00:35:42,375 --> 00:35:43,958 You heard about the Quagmires? 720 00:35:44,041 --> 00:35:46,583 Oh, we've heard about all your little mishaps, Olaf. 721 00:35:46,666 --> 00:35:49,583 How you've been foiled by those irritating volunteers. 722 00:35:49,666 --> 00:35:51,083 And those three plucky children. 723 00:35:51,166 --> 00:35:53,625 Time and again. What do you have to say for yourself? 724 00:35:53,708 --> 00:35:55,041 It wasn't my fault! 725 00:35:55,458 --> 00:35:56,291 It was theirs! 726 00:35:56,666 --> 00:35:59,375 I am surrounded by incompetence and disloyalty! 727 00:35:59,458 --> 00:36:00,625 Hey, that's not fair. 728 00:36:00,708 --> 00:36:02,666 It's more than fair. It's totally true! 729 00:36:03,125 --> 00:36:05,583 I would be burning down V.F.D. headquarters right now 730 00:36:05,666 --> 00:36:08,750 if these idiots hadn't insisted upon waiting for breakfast first! 731 00:36:08,833 --> 00:36:10,250 Oh, Olaf. 732 00:36:10,333 --> 00:36:12,333 I wouldn't worry about the headquarters. 733 00:36:22,500 --> 00:36:24,583 This looks like the tunnel we found under our house. 734 00:36:24,666 --> 00:36:26,666 V.F.D. built these passageways everywhere. 735 00:36:26,750 --> 00:36:29,250 An underground organization needs a way to travel underground. 736 00:36:29,333 --> 00:36:32,083 According to the The Incomplete History of Secret Organizations, 737 00:36:32,166 --> 00:36:34,791 -the headquarters is behind that door. -That's an impressive lock. 738 00:36:34,875 --> 00:36:37,708 -How does it open? -It's called a Vernacularly Fastened Door. 739 00:36:37,791 --> 00:36:38,750 It opens with language. 740 00:36:38,833 --> 00:36:41,916 [Violet] The keyboard is wired to the hinges. You have to type a phrase. 741 00:36:42,000 --> 00:36:44,666 Three phrases, and if you get them wrong, it locks forever. 742 00:36:44,750 --> 00:36:46,875 [boy] The first phrase is the name of the scientist 743 00:36:46,958 --> 00:36:49,625 most widely credited with the discovery of gravity. 744 00:36:49,708 --> 00:36:51,041 That's easy. Sir Isaac Newton. 745 00:36:54,125 --> 00:36:55,333 [beeping] 746 00:36:55,416 --> 00:36:56,416 [lock clunks] 747 00:36:57,791 --> 00:36:58,833 What's next? 748 00:36:58,916 --> 00:37:01,291 The Latin name of the lions found in the Hinterlands. 749 00:37:01,375 --> 00:37:03,583 -Panthero Leo. -[masked boy] V.F.D. used to train them 750 00:37:03,666 --> 00:37:05,458 -before the schism. -[beeping] 751 00:37:05,541 --> 00:37:06,500 [lock clunks] 752 00:37:07,750 --> 00:37:08,666 What's the last phrase? 753 00:37:08,750 --> 00:37:10,291 The third phrase is the central theme 754 00:37:10,375 --> 00:37:12,583 of the novel Anna Karenina, but I've never read it. 755 00:37:12,666 --> 00:37:14,250 That's why you asked about it earlier. 756 00:37:14,333 --> 00:37:16,083 You needed somebody to help you open the door. 757 00:37:16,166 --> 00:37:17,458 There are people I'm looking for. 758 00:37:17,541 --> 00:37:18,750 -People I've lost. -Us too. 759 00:37:19,625 --> 00:37:21,125 -Our mother. -Our father. 760 00:37:23,041 --> 00:37:23,875 Sunny. 761 00:37:25,791 --> 00:37:28,500 We can find them, but only if you can tell me the central theme 762 00:37:28,583 --> 00:37:29,916 of the novel Anna Karenina. 763 00:37:30,000 --> 00:37:31,833 The central theme of the novel Anna Karenina... 764 00:37:31,916 --> 00:37:33,500 Is that a rural life of moral simplicity... 765 00:37:33,583 --> 00:37:37,041 Is the preferable personal narrative to a daring life of impulsive passion... 766 00:37:37,125 --> 00:37:39,583 Which only leads to tragedy. 767 00:37:40,750 --> 00:37:43,250 [sighs] Our mother had us memorize it. 768 00:37:43,750 --> 00:37:46,083 It's like she was preparing us for this moment. 769 00:37:48,416 --> 00:37:49,291 We won't let her down. 770 00:37:55,791 --> 00:37:57,458 [lock squeals] 771 00:37:57,541 --> 00:37:58,625 Why isn't it opening? 772 00:37:58,708 --> 00:38:00,625 It sounded like it was working till the last word. 773 00:38:00,708 --> 00:38:01,833 Maybe the mechanism is stuck. 774 00:38:01,916 --> 00:38:04,583 Or maybe a daring life of impulsive passion leads to something else. 775 00:38:05,625 --> 00:38:09,333 A daring life of impulsive passion can lead to many things. 776 00:38:09,416 --> 00:38:11,208 It can lead to a brave and remarkable woman 777 00:38:11,291 --> 00:38:14,083 mourning a terrible loss on the bank of a frozen stream. 778 00:38:14,166 --> 00:38:15,458 I've lost the sugar bowl. 779 00:38:16,666 --> 00:38:18,083 I lost everything. 780 00:38:21,083 --> 00:38:22,916 -[coughing] -It can lead to a banker 781 00:38:23,000 --> 00:38:25,916 making a surprising and out of character return. 782 00:38:26,000 --> 00:38:27,125 Excuse me, miss. 783 00:38:27,708 --> 00:38:30,250 I've lost my map, and I have no idea where I am. 784 00:38:30,791 --> 00:38:33,583 You shouldn't be here. This mountain is dangerous. 785 00:38:33,666 --> 00:38:36,500 Well, so is the city. I just experienced a bank robbery, 786 00:38:36,583 --> 00:38:38,458 and Mr. Tamerlane seems to think it was my fault, 787 00:38:38,541 --> 00:38:41,041 so I decided it best to get out of town as fast as I could 788 00:38:41,125 --> 00:38:43,416 and search for some orphans I seem to have misplaced. 789 00:38:43,833 --> 00:38:44,833 [coughs] 790 00:38:46,000 --> 00:38:46,916 That's funny. 791 00:38:47,666 --> 00:38:49,958 [coughs] I just had the oddest feeling, 792 00:38:50,041 --> 00:38:52,333 like a daring, impulsive passion... 793 00:38:53,208 --> 00:38:54,875 that someone nearby was in trouble. 794 00:38:56,500 --> 00:38:58,625 You haven't seen anyone in trouble, have you, miss? 795 00:39:00,041 --> 00:39:04,083 [sighs] A woman in your condition shouldn't be out here all alone. 796 00:39:04,166 --> 00:39:05,000 No... 797 00:39:05,625 --> 00:39:06,541 [sniffs] 798 00:39:06,625 --> 00:39:07,583 No, she shouldn't. 799 00:39:09,083 --> 00:39:10,125 Let me help you. 800 00:39:12,958 --> 00:39:13,791 [sniffs] 801 00:39:15,458 --> 00:39:16,458 Thanks. 802 00:39:17,708 --> 00:39:18,541 [knocking] 803 00:39:18,625 --> 00:39:22,541 In my own case, a daring life of impulsive passion 804 00:39:22,625 --> 00:39:24,875 has led to false accusations... 805 00:39:24,958 --> 00:39:26,416 [hammering on door] 806 00:39:26,500 --> 00:39:27,833 ...and a life on the run. 807 00:39:27,916 --> 00:39:29,916 [knocking continues] 808 00:39:31,000 --> 00:39:35,208 But in the case of Anna Karenina, a daring life of impulsive passion 809 00:39:35,291 --> 00:39:36,750 -leads only to tragedy. -[beeping] 810 00:39:38,666 --> 00:39:40,333 And Violet was right. 811 00:39:40,416 --> 00:39:42,375 [machine whirs] 812 00:39:44,333 --> 00:39:46,791 -The mechanism was stuck. -[lock clunks] 813 00:39:51,458 --> 00:39:54,333 We could walk in on the entire organization having a meeting. 814 00:39:55,625 --> 00:39:56,916 Or one of our parents. 815 00:40:04,083 --> 00:40:05,416 [coughing] 816 00:40:13,541 --> 00:40:15,375 -[Klaus] Mother? -[Violet] Father! 817 00:40:25,041 --> 00:40:26,541 -Mother? -Father! 818 00:40:27,583 --> 00:40:30,000 You don't have to worry about the headquarters... 819 00:40:30,083 --> 00:40:32,208 Because we burned them down ourselves. 820 00:40:33,125 --> 00:40:35,041 [woman] First, we burned down the kitchen. 821 00:40:35,125 --> 00:40:35,958 No! 822 00:40:36,041 --> 00:40:39,166 Then we burned down the parlor, then the disguise room, the ballroom, 823 00:40:39,250 --> 00:40:41,291 and all six inventing labs. 824 00:40:41,375 --> 00:40:44,833 We burned down the classrooms, and the movie theater, and the hot tub, 825 00:40:44,916 --> 00:40:46,791 which was very hard to burn. 826 00:40:46,875 --> 00:40:48,791 And finally, we burned down the library. 827 00:40:48,875 --> 00:40:51,541 [man] That was my favorite part. Books, and books, and books... 828 00:40:51,625 --> 00:40:54,083 [woman] All turned to ash, so no one can read them. 829 00:40:54,166 --> 00:40:55,583 So many secrets... 830 00:40:55,666 --> 00:40:57,083 No one will ever learn now. 831 00:40:57,166 --> 00:40:59,416 [woman] It's all gone up in smoke. 832 00:40:59,500 --> 00:41:00,375 No! 833 00:41:00,458 --> 00:41:01,833 No! 834 00:41:02,291 --> 00:41:04,541 -Well, well. -Who do we have here? 835 00:41:04,625 --> 00:41:08,000 Oh, you are going to love this. 836 00:41:11,000 --> 00:41:12,125 [Violet] It's all gone. 837 00:41:13,416 --> 00:41:15,750 This is where everything has led us. The maps, the codes... 838 00:41:15,833 --> 00:41:16,708 The Snicket file. 839 00:41:16,791 --> 00:41:18,500 One of our parents has to be here! 840 00:41:19,250 --> 00:41:21,750 Jacques Snicket said there was a survivor of the fire. 841 00:41:21,833 --> 00:41:22,708 There is. 842 00:41:23,250 --> 00:41:24,541 -Where? -Here. 843 00:41:25,583 --> 00:41:27,458 I survived the fire that destroyed my home. 844 00:41:31,208 --> 00:41:32,208 Duncan? 845 00:41:32,291 --> 00:41:33,125 Quigley. 846 00:41:34,041 --> 00:41:35,166 Quigley Quagmire. 847 00:41:43,916 --> 00:41:45,916 [theme music playing]