1 00:00:06,083 --> 00:00:08,000 [theme music playing] 2 00:00:10,708 --> 00:00:13,708 ♪ Look away, look away ♪ 3 00:00:14,250 --> 00:00:17,375 ♪ Look away, look away ♪ 4 00:00:18,083 --> 00:00:21,666 ♪ This show will wreck your evening Your whole life, and your day ♪ 5 00:00:21,833 --> 00:00:24,541 ♪ Every single episode is nothing but dismay ♪ 6 00:00:24,625 --> 00:00:26,041 ♪ So look away ♪ 7 00:00:26,125 --> 00:00:29,916 ♪ Look away, look away ♪ 8 00:00:30,708 --> 00:00:33,916 ♪ The Baudelaires check into a hotel to spy upon ♪ 9 00:00:34,000 --> 00:00:37,291 ♪ A group of awful people for whom murder is a yawn ♪ 10 00:00:37,375 --> 00:00:41,125 ♪ It may seem like Count Olaf will be finally brought to justice ♪ 11 00:00:41,208 --> 00:00:45,125 ♪ But why would any viewers think that they could really trust us? ♪ 12 00:00:45,208 --> 00:00:47,458 ♪ Just look away ♪ 13 00:00:47,541 --> 00:00:49,708 ♪ Look away ♪ 14 00:00:49,791 --> 00:00:51,416 ♪ There's nothing but horror ♪ 15 00:00:51,500 --> 00:00:53,416 ♪ And inconvenience on the way ♪ 16 00:00:53,500 --> 00:00:55,333 ♪ Ask any stable person "Should I watch?" ♪ 17 00:00:55,416 --> 00:00:56,541 ♪ And they will say ♪ 18 00:00:56,625 --> 00:00:57,833 ♪ Look away ♪ 19 00:00:58,208 --> 00:01:01,333 ♪ Look away, look away ♪ 20 00:01:01,666 --> 00:01:05,041 ♪ Look away, look away ♪ 21 00:01:05,125 --> 00:01:08,500 ♪ Look away, look away ♪ 22 00:01:08,583 --> 00:01:12,125 ♪ Look away, look away ♪ 23 00:01:15,833 --> 00:01:18,833 [typewriter keys clattering] 24 00:01:25,458 --> 00:01:26,666 [bell dings] 25 00:01:32,166 --> 00:01:33,875 [Lemony] Unless you were born yesterday, 26 00:01:33,958 --> 00:01:36,666 in which case, welcome to the world, little baby, 27 00:01:36,750 --> 00:01:40,166 you have probably observed that things aren't always what they seem. 28 00:01:40,833 --> 00:01:42,541 The surface of a pond might seem calm, 29 00:01:42,625 --> 00:01:45,833 when, in reality, any number of secrets might be hidden beneath it. 30 00:01:45,916 --> 00:01:48,125 The world is like a pond that way. 31 00:01:48,208 --> 00:01:50,541 When you perform even the tiniest of actions, 32 00:01:50,625 --> 00:01:51,958 like dropping a stone... 33 00:01:54,291 --> 00:01:55,500 it can ripple, 34 00:01:55,583 --> 00:01:57,708 until the entire world has been changed. 35 00:01:58,750 --> 00:02:00,125 My name is Lemony Snicket, 36 00:02:00,208 --> 00:02:03,041 and I recommend you drop your streaming device into a pond. 37 00:02:03,125 --> 00:02:05,416 Your world will be changed for the better, 38 00:02:05,500 --> 00:02:09,125 since you will not have to watch the sad story of the Baudelaire orphans. 39 00:02:09,666 --> 00:02:13,250 You will be spared the tragic tale of the Hotel Denouement. 40 00:02:15,750 --> 00:02:19,416 And you will never have to encounter the suspicious parties staying there, 41 00:02:19,500 --> 00:02:21,875 some of whom, I am sorry to report... 42 00:02:22,875 --> 00:02:24,791 may already be familiar. 43 00:02:27,916 --> 00:02:28,958 Please be careful. 44 00:02:29,500 --> 00:02:31,000 There's a typewriter inside. 45 00:02:31,375 --> 00:02:33,583 [Kit] Things aren't always what they seem, Baudelaires. 46 00:02:33,666 --> 00:02:35,208 It may seem like I'm speeding recklessly 47 00:02:35,291 --> 00:02:38,291 because I'm a taxi driver who doesn't care about traffic safety laws, 48 00:02:38,375 --> 00:02:40,875 but really, I'm trying to shake the car that's been following us. 49 00:02:40,958 --> 00:02:42,041 There's a car following us? 50 00:02:42,125 --> 00:02:44,500 [Kit] I suspect it belongs to a pair of sinister villains 51 00:02:44,583 --> 00:02:46,916 I recently encountered on a mountain. We were there too. 52 00:02:47,000 --> 00:02:48,916 I know exactly where you've been, Klaus Baudelaire. 53 00:02:49,500 --> 00:02:51,083 I wish I could have helped you all along, 54 00:02:51,166 --> 00:02:53,166 but ever since the schism, there have been more fires 55 00:02:53,250 --> 00:02:55,125 than even a Volunteer Fire Department can put out. 56 00:02:55,583 --> 00:02:57,208 Those look like they burned down recently. 57 00:02:57,291 --> 00:02:58,500 Our enemies are getting bolder. 58 00:02:58,583 --> 00:03:02,375 But the tables are about to turn, and so is this car, so hang on. 59 00:03:02,458 --> 00:03:04,458 [tires screeching] 60 00:03:06,416 --> 00:03:07,916 I know you have thousands of questions, 61 00:03:08,000 --> 00:03:10,458 and I wish I had time to answer them over a leisurely brunch, 62 00:03:10,541 --> 00:03:13,291 but our agents are already on their way to the Last Safe Place, 63 00:03:13,375 --> 00:03:15,458 so I'm afraid you'll have to settle for a quick debrief 64 00:03:15,541 --> 00:03:16,916 and a picnic in the back of a taxi. 65 00:03:17,000 --> 00:03:18,666 There's a picnic basket on the floor. 66 00:03:19,750 --> 00:03:22,791 You said your name is Kit Snicket. We met a man named Jacques Snicket. 67 00:03:22,875 --> 00:03:23,833 He was my brother. 68 00:03:25,083 --> 00:03:26,750 And he's the reason I need your help. 69 00:03:26,833 --> 00:03:29,333 I received this telegram instructing all volunteers 70 00:03:29,416 --> 00:03:31,125 to go to the Hotel Denouement on Thursday, 71 00:03:31,208 --> 00:03:33,625 and it's signed with my brother's initials, "J.S." 72 00:03:33,708 --> 00:03:37,041 We received the same telegram, but it can't be from Jacques. He's... 73 00:03:37,500 --> 00:03:38,458 Yes, Baudelaires. 74 00:03:39,458 --> 00:03:41,041 I know that my brother is dead. 75 00:03:42,000 --> 00:03:43,500 And I know that you tried to save him, 76 00:03:43,583 --> 00:03:47,250 but I'm afraid someone is impersonating him to gather all of V.F.D. in one place. 77 00:03:47,333 --> 00:03:48,666 We could be walking into a trap. 78 00:03:48,750 --> 00:03:51,166 So you need to find out if this J.S. is a friend or an enemy. 79 00:03:51,250 --> 00:03:52,750 Do you know what a flaneur is? 80 00:03:52,833 --> 00:03:55,041 A person who observes their surroundings, like a spy. 81 00:03:55,125 --> 00:03:56,875 Very good. Children make the best flaneurs, 82 00:03:56,958 --> 00:03:58,791 since adults rarely pay attention to them. 83 00:03:58,875 --> 00:04:02,000 There's a secret compartment in the bottom of the picnic basket. Open it. 84 00:04:06,583 --> 00:04:08,083 Uniforms? Disguises. 85 00:04:08,166 --> 00:04:09,708 Baudelaires, I need your help. 86 00:04:09,791 --> 00:04:12,541 I need you to infiltrate the Hotel Denouement as concierge 87 00:04:12,625 --> 00:04:15,208 and learn the identity of J.S. before Thursday. 88 00:04:15,291 --> 00:04:17,458 I have an inside man who's made all the arrangements. 89 00:04:17,541 --> 00:04:19,333 All you have to say is yes. 90 00:04:19,791 --> 00:04:21,125 Say you'll volunteer. 91 00:04:22,250 --> 00:04:23,208 Of course we will. 92 00:04:25,041 --> 00:04:26,000 They're back. 93 00:04:26,083 --> 00:04:26,958 [tires screeching] 94 00:04:35,458 --> 00:04:38,208 [panting] 95 00:04:38,625 --> 00:04:41,125 That wasn't the route I intended to take, but here we are. 96 00:04:41,750 --> 00:04:43,041 The Last Safe Place. 97 00:04:52,041 --> 00:04:54,250 [Olaf] The Hotel Denouement, 98 00:04:54,333 --> 00:04:56,250 that's where V.F.D. is meeting. 99 00:04:56,333 --> 00:04:58,291 I'll give you a moment to be impressed. 100 00:04:59,000 --> 00:05:00,125 You already knew that? 101 00:05:01,708 --> 00:05:03,000 J.S.? 102 00:05:03,083 --> 00:05:03,958 You don't say. 103 00:05:04,291 --> 00:05:07,750 Well, I bet you don't know about the incredibly deadly vegetable 104 00:05:07,833 --> 00:05:09,458 I'm holding in my hands. 105 00:05:09,750 --> 00:05:11,791 If a fungus is a vegetable. 106 00:05:12,625 --> 00:05:13,708 Is it even a plant? 107 00:05:14,208 --> 00:05:15,750 Hello? Hello? 108 00:05:15,833 --> 00:05:17,583 Tell them thank you for the submarine! 109 00:05:18,208 --> 00:05:19,041 They hung up. 110 00:05:19,125 --> 00:05:20,541 Don't be so desperate for approval. 111 00:05:20,625 --> 00:05:22,625 You sound like my husband, what's-his-name. 112 00:05:22,708 --> 00:05:24,458 I'm not desperate for approval. 113 00:05:24,541 --> 00:05:27,333 I just want to pull off something big so they'll be super impressed 114 00:05:27,416 --> 00:05:30,250 and regret all the things they said about me, which is totally different! 115 00:05:30,333 --> 00:05:31,583 Let's just get back on the sub. 116 00:05:31,666 --> 00:05:33,875 I feel like taking my anger out on Hooky. 117 00:05:33,958 --> 00:05:35,375 Hooky told me to give you this note. 118 00:05:35,458 --> 00:05:36,625 How could he give you a note? 119 00:05:36,708 --> 00:05:38,875 He and his triangle-eyed sister are locked in the brig. 120 00:05:38,958 --> 00:05:40,750 Oh, not anymore. What? Give me that! 121 00:05:40,833 --> 00:05:43,791 An extra special messenger is supposed to get an extra special tip. 122 00:05:45,166 --> 00:05:46,166 [mouthing] 123 00:05:50,125 --> 00:05:51,125 I'll give you this rock. 124 00:05:51,208 --> 00:05:52,708 Ew! I prefer gemstones. 125 00:05:52,791 --> 00:05:54,583 I prefer little girls to be quiet, 126 00:05:54,666 --> 00:05:57,375 so I don't get tired of their annoying demands 127 00:05:57,458 --> 00:05:59,166 and hit them with this rock. 128 00:06:02,041 --> 00:06:05,000 "Sorry Boss." What's that supposed to mean? 129 00:06:05,583 --> 00:06:06,583 Hmm... 130 00:06:07,625 --> 00:06:09,625 [creaking, water bubbling] 131 00:06:09,708 --> 00:06:12,000 [metal squealing] 132 00:06:12,083 --> 00:06:15,458 Oh, no! He's kidnapped those Snow Scouts we kidnapped! 133 00:06:15,541 --> 00:06:16,666 And that guy, Phil. 134 00:06:16,750 --> 00:06:18,875 Now who's gonna play veterinarian with me? 135 00:06:19,416 --> 00:06:22,416 -Well, at least the sub's a rental. Hooky's defected. 136 00:06:23,333 --> 00:06:25,291 Just because he doesn't have any hands? 137 00:06:25,875 --> 00:06:26,708 Let him go. 138 00:06:27,458 --> 00:06:28,458 I don't care. 139 00:06:29,416 --> 00:06:31,500 We got everything we needed from him. 140 00:06:31,750 --> 00:06:33,541 We needed a ride to the hotel. 141 00:06:34,375 --> 00:06:36,666 We'll take the Olaf. It's called the Carmelita II. 142 00:06:36,750 --> 00:06:38,500 It's called the Olaf. 143 00:06:38,583 --> 00:06:40,416 It's called the Carmelita II! 144 00:06:41,416 --> 00:06:42,833 We'll discuss it on the way. 145 00:06:51,958 --> 00:06:53,458 [Klaus] Do you think we can trust Kit? 146 00:06:53,541 --> 00:06:56,416 Since we got in her taxi, she's broken at least nine traffic safety laws, 147 00:06:56,500 --> 00:06:59,791 driven into a hedge, and recruited us to spy for a secret organization. 148 00:06:59,875 --> 00:07:01,166 I like her. Me too. 149 00:07:07,833 --> 00:07:08,666 [taxi door slams] 150 00:07:09,541 --> 00:07:11,666 [Kit] That's Frank Denouement. He's one of the managers. 151 00:07:11,750 --> 00:07:13,375 He's with us. You can trust him. 152 00:07:14,958 --> 00:07:16,958 I must need new glasses because I'm seeing double. 153 00:07:17,041 --> 00:07:18,666 That's Frank's treacherous brother, Ernest. 154 00:07:18,750 --> 00:07:20,416 Do not trust him, no matter what he says. 155 00:07:20,500 --> 00:07:22,625 The schism has turned many siblings into enemies. 156 00:07:23,000 --> 00:07:25,750 Remember, F is for Frank, who is friendly. 157 00:07:25,833 --> 00:07:27,541 E is for Ernest, who is evil. 158 00:07:27,625 --> 00:07:29,125 How can we tell them apart? 159 00:07:29,208 --> 00:07:31,875 Unfortunately, the only way to determine if someone is noble or wicked 160 00:07:31,958 --> 00:07:33,125 is through close observation. 161 00:07:33,208 --> 00:07:34,625 Be careful about what you tell them 162 00:07:34,708 --> 00:07:36,958 because if the wrong brother finds out what we're up to... 163 00:07:42,791 --> 00:07:43,791 we could all be in danger. 164 00:07:44,791 --> 00:07:45,916 I've sent a message to Frank. 165 00:07:46,000 --> 00:07:48,583 He'll meet you in the lobby, unless it was intercepted by Ernest. 166 00:07:48,666 --> 00:07:50,791 You're not coming? I'm afraid I have my own mission, 167 00:07:50,875 --> 00:07:51,916 but I'll be back tonight. 168 00:07:52,000 --> 00:07:54,500 If you've discovered that the Last Safe Place is no longer safe, 169 00:07:54,583 --> 00:07:56,875 we'll send a signal to warn V.F.D. Do you understand? 170 00:07:56,958 --> 00:07:59,083 We're going to disguise ourselves as concierges 171 00:07:59,166 --> 00:08:01,416 to determine if J.S. is a villain or a volunteer. 172 00:08:01,500 --> 00:08:03,208 A manager named Frank will try to help us, 173 00:08:03,291 --> 00:08:04,958 but his brother, Ernest, will try to stop us. 174 00:08:07,250 --> 00:08:09,333 Perfect. Do you have everything you need? 175 00:08:11,250 --> 00:08:12,333 I can't find my ribbon. 176 00:08:12,958 --> 00:08:14,208 I always carry a spare. 177 00:08:15,833 --> 00:08:18,541 Your mother always tied her hair up when she needed to think, too. 178 00:08:19,375 --> 00:08:22,083 And your father always adjusted his glasses like that before a mission. 179 00:08:22,166 --> 00:08:24,208 You remind me of them so much. You all do. 180 00:08:25,083 --> 00:08:27,416 It's hard to believe our parents went on secret missions. 181 00:08:27,500 --> 00:08:30,166 Your parents put many brave deeds on the books. 182 00:08:30,250 --> 00:08:33,125 Without them, V.F.D. would never have survived after the schism. 183 00:08:33,208 --> 00:08:36,625 We heard about the schism, but we still don't know what it was about. 184 00:08:37,208 --> 00:08:39,458 It's a long story, but it all began one night at the opera, 185 00:08:39,541 --> 00:08:41,750 during a performance of La Forza del Destino. 186 00:08:41,833 --> 00:08:44,333 Isn't that where a gun accidentally goes off and kills somebody? 187 00:08:44,416 --> 00:08:45,416 It's a tragic opera. 188 00:08:46,250 --> 00:08:48,583 I'm sorry, melancholy is a side effect of my condition. 189 00:08:48,666 --> 00:08:50,541 I'm distraught and I'm pregnant. 190 00:08:50,625 --> 00:08:52,833 Good luck, Baudelaires. I'll see you tonight. 191 00:08:53,208 --> 00:08:54,583 And please be careful. 192 00:09:19,708 --> 00:09:20,791 [gasps] 193 00:09:20,875 --> 00:09:22,833 I was hoping I'd see you before I left. 194 00:09:24,125 --> 00:09:26,666 Funny, I was hoping you'd stay. I'll be back tonight. 195 00:09:26,750 --> 00:09:29,583 And if everything goes according to plan, we'll have the sugar bowl. 196 00:09:29,666 --> 00:09:32,250 We can end this, once and for all. Then what? 197 00:09:32,333 --> 00:09:33,750 You, me, 198 00:09:34,166 --> 00:09:36,708 a tropical island, and her. 199 00:09:36,791 --> 00:09:38,166 Her? Is that a fact? 200 00:09:38,250 --> 00:09:39,291 It's just a feeling. 201 00:09:40,041 --> 00:09:42,833 I never want to be apart from you again, except in the restroom, at work, 202 00:09:42,916 --> 00:09:45,500 and when one of us is at a movie the other one doesn't want to see. 203 00:09:49,250 --> 00:09:50,125 I'll see you tonight. 204 00:09:50,833 --> 00:09:52,416 Send my regards to Frank. 205 00:10:03,750 --> 00:10:06,416 Evidence of a picnic, like evidence of a secret meeting, 206 00:10:06,500 --> 00:10:07,583 is best discarded, 207 00:10:07,666 --> 00:10:11,166 or it is likely to attract unsavory visitors or... 208 00:10:12,125 --> 00:10:13,125 ants. 209 00:10:13,208 --> 00:10:14,041 Lemony. 210 00:10:15,000 --> 00:10:16,208 I thought you were dead. 211 00:10:16,291 --> 00:10:17,208 Hello, Kit. 212 00:10:19,083 --> 00:10:20,333 Could I get a ride? 213 00:10:20,875 --> 00:10:23,416 The man in the back of that taxi is myself, 214 00:10:23,500 --> 00:10:28,375 many years ago when I was younger and more naive than I am now. 215 00:10:28,458 --> 00:10:29,916 If I could go back in time, 216 00:10:30,000 --> 00:10:32,875 I would tell him that a light gray suit looks good, but... 217 00:10:33,541 --> 00:10:36,458 it is easier to hide in a darker shade. 218 00:10:36,541 --> 00:10:39,416 I would tell him that he is about to receive sad news 219 00:10:39,500 --> 00:10:41,500 about someone he loves very much. 220 00:10:42,750 --> 00:10:45,500 And I would tell him to stay at the Hotel Denouement 221 00:10:46,291 --> 00:10:49,083 instead of leaving in a taxi with his sister, but... 222 00:10:49,708 --> 00:10:51,250 [engine starts] 223 00:10:51,333 --> 00:10:52,958 I cannot change the past... 224 00:10:53,541 --> 00:10:56,500 any more than I can stop that taxi from driving away. 225 00:10:57,166 --> 00:10:59,166 [wheels squeaking] 226 00:11:07,708 --> 00:11:10,166 [Violet] It won't be easy to find J.S. in a hotel this big. 227 00:11:10,250 --> 00:11:11,750 A big hotel can work to our advantage. 228 00:11:11,833 --> 00:11:14,125 If Count Olaf turns up, it won't be easy for him to find us. 229 00:11:14,208 --> 00:11:16,458 Bellhop, take the luggage to the room 230 00:11:16,541 --> 00:11:20,291 and the, uh,  Carmelita II up to the roof. 231 00:11:20,375 --> 00:11:21,208 Thank you. 232 00:11:23,000 --> 00:11:25,000 Remember, we have to convince any flaneurs 233 00:11:25,083 --> 00:11:27,833 that we're a normal, happy family on vacation. 234 00:11:27,916 --> 00:11:31,083 I don't wanna stay at some cakesniffing hotel! I want to go to Littlest Elf Land! 235 00:11:31,166 --> 00:11:34,625 Tell your darling little girl to stop drawing so much attention. 236 00:11:34,708 --> 00:11:37,500 If you spent more time with her, she wouldn't feel the need to act out. 237 00:11:37,583 --> 00:11:39,458 My real parents took me wherever I wanted. 238 00:11:39,541 --> 00:11:41,833 Some parents. They wouldn't even pay the ransom. 239 00:11:42,166 --> 00:11:45,375 Your father is very stressed about work, darling. 240 00:11:45,458 --> 00:11:47,791 We're going to go on a real vacation soon, Mummy promises. 241 00:11:47,875 --> 00:11:49,541 Yes, lie to her. That's excellent parenting. 242 00:11:49,625 --> 00:11:50,875 I need a drink. 243 00:11:50,958 --> 00:11:51,958 You! 244 00:11:54,375 --> 00:11:55,625 Concierge. 245 00:11:56,041 --> 00:11:59,833 Find the manager and tell him to bring a nice bottle of wine to our room. 246 00:11:59,916 --> 00:12:01,958 Something red. A sauvignon blank. 247 00:12:02,041 --> 00:12:03,791 [gruffly] Yes, sir. [clears throat] 248 00:12:05,833 --> 00:12:08,791 The manager's on our side of the schism. Well, one of them is, anyway. 249 00:12:08,875 --> 00:12:10,041 I hear this hotel has a spa, 250 00:12:10,125 --> 00:12:11,916 which is perfect because I'd like a face peel. 251 00:12:12,000 --> 00:12:15,041 Do you get to pick whose face, or you just peel it off whoever's around? 252 00:12:15,125 --> 00:12:18,250 -I don't think it works that way. -Well, I need to relieve my stress somehow 253 00:12:18,333 --> 00:12:20,250 if you expect me to be put in charge of planning-- 254 00:12:20,333 --> 00:12:21,958 -Not in the lobby! -Oh! 255 00:12:22,041 --> 00:12:24,875 There are eyes everywhere. We'll talk about it in the room. 256 00:12:24,958 --> 00:12:26,166 I don't want to go to the room. 257 00:12:26,250 --> 00:12:30,000 I'm an adorable, beautiful, cute, dainty, eye-pleasing, flawless girl, 258 00:12:30,083 --> 00:12:31,375 and I want to go to the pool! 259 00:12:33,291 --> 00:12:34,250 [bell dings] 260 00:12:35,708 --> 00:12:37,875 Remind me why we can't send her back to her parents. 261 00:12:37,958 --> 00:12:39,625 We burned down their house with them inside. 262 00:12:39,708 --> 00:12:42,000 Wait, what did you say? Nothing, darling. 263 00:12:42,083 --> 00:12:44,458 -Why didn't he recognize us? -He only saw our uniforms. 264 00:12:44,541 --> 00:12:47,750 The villainous hotel guests often treat staff like they're invisible. 265 00:12:47,833 --> 00:12:49,750 Do you think Count Olaf is the one posing as J.S.? 266 00:12:49,833 --> 00:12:51,750 I don't know, but it can't be good that he's here. 267 00:12:51,833 --> 00:12:53,750 We have to find out what he and Esmé are planning. 268 00:12:53,833 --> 00:12:55,208 Are you eavesdropping on our guests? 269 00:12:56,583 --> 00:12:58,458 We're doing the job we were instructed to do. 270 00:12:58,541 --> 00:12:59,750 You must be our new concierges. 271 00:12:59,833 --> 00:13:01,750 Welcome to the hotel. I'm one of the managers. 272 00:13:01,833 --> 00:13:03,250 Frank or Ernest? Exactly. 273 00:13:03,333 --> 00:13:05,833 I'm happy you're here, even though one of you is unusually short 274 00:13:05,916 --> 00:13:08,291 because we're unusually short-handed. This way, please. 275 00:13:11,750 --> 00:13:14,458 The job of the concierge is to give our guests everything they ask for. 276 00:13:14,541 --> 00:13:15,833 When they ring, you volunteer. 277 00:13:15,916 --> 00:13:18,958 What do those numbers mean? There can't be 999 rooms in this hotel. 278 00:13:19,041 --> 00:13:21,708 That's an interesting question. Do you know what they mean? 279 00:13:21,791 --> 00:13:23,291 [man] Some luggage arrived in a taxi, 280 00:13:23,375 --> 00:13:25,791 but the driver said the guest won't get here until Thursday. 281 00:13:25,875 --> 00:13:26,708 Thursday? 282 00:13:27,208 --> 00:13:28,500 Excuse me, concierges. 283 00:13:30,708 --> 00:13:31,791 Do you think that was Frank? 284 00:13:31,875 --> 00:13:33,708 He used the word volunteer. Maybe it was a code. 285 00:13:33,791 --> 00:13:36,625 Everything he said sounded like a code. You must be our new concierges. 286 00:13:36,708 --> 00:13:38,875 Welcome to the Hotel Denouement. I'm one of the managers. 287 00:13:40,250 --> 00:13:41,375 Are you Frank or Ernest? 288 00:13:41,458 --> 00:13:42,458 I am. You're just in time. 289 00:13:42,541 --> 00:13:44,958 We're anticipating a large number of guests before Thursday. 290 00:13:45,041 --> 00:13:46,500 Do you know why? We think so. 291 00:13:46,583 --> 00:13:48,333 Can you tell me? Interesting question. 292 00:13:48,416 --> 00:13:51,333 That's a smart answer. It's hard to know who you can trust in a hotel lobby. 293 00:13:51,416 --> 00:13:53,208 There are countless wicked people in the world. 294 00:13:53,291 --> 00:13:55,333 Sooner or later, some of them will check into a hotel. 295 00:13:55,416 --> 00:13:58,958 Sir, The Daily Punctilio arrived with an update on those murderers. 296 00:13:59,041 --> 00:13:59,875 Murderers? 297 00:14:00,916 --> 00:14:02,250 Excuse me, concierges. 298 00:14:04,041 --> 00:14:06,875 That had to be Ernest. The part about wicked people sounded like a threat. 299 00:14:06,958 --> 00:14:08,500 Unless it was a warning. I'm confused. 300 00:14:08,583 --> 00:14:11,083 -How are we supposed to find anyone? -I can answer that question. 301 00:14:11,166 --> 00:14:14,000 Finding someone here is as easy as finding a book in a library 302 00:14:14,083 --> 00:14:16,916 because the Hotel Denouement is not organized like a hotel at all. 303 00:14:17,000 --> 00:14:18,666 It's organized like a library. 304 00:14:18,750 --> 00:14:20,166 Well, a library organizes knowledge 305 00:14:20,250 --> 00:14:22,375 according to a numerical classification system. 306 00:14:22,458 --> 00:14:24,166 That's right. All guests at the hotel 307 00:14:24,250 --> 00:14:27,083 are placed in rooms according to where they would be shelved in a library. 308 00:14:27,166 --> 00:14:30,000 But anyone who works here would have to know the library catalog by heart. 309 00:14:30,083 --> 00:14:31,125 [bell dinging] 310 00:14:31,208 --> 00:14:34,375 Room 610. That's for our guests associated with the healthcare industry. 311 00:14:34,458 --> 00:14:35,375 [bell ringing] 312 00:14:35,458 --> 00:14:37,375 332, financial economics. 313 00:14:37,458 --> 00:14:39,125 [Violet] That bell doesn't have a number. 314 00:14:39,208 --> 00:14:41,208 That's our rooftop sunbathing salon. 315 00:14:41,916 --> 00:14:44,458 People who sunbathe usually aren't interested in library science, 316 00:14:44,541 --> 00:14:46,375 so they're not too picky about location. 317 00:14:46,458 --> 00:14:47,666 Three bells, three rooms. 318 00:14:47,750 --> 00:14:51,000 But you can't be in three places at once. You'll have to split up, Baudelaires. 319 00:14:51,083 --> 00:14:52,916 You know our names? Are you Frank or Ernest? 320 00:14:53,583 --> 00:14:57,083 -That's an interesting question. -[bells ringing] 321 00:14:57,666 --> 00:14:58,708 Your assignments await. 322 00:15:13,833 --> 00:15:17,041 It is impossible for one person to be in three places at once, 323 00:15:17,125 --> 00:15:20,208 unless, of course, that person is viewing a television program. 324 00:15:21,125 --> 00:15:24,250 A person viewing a television program does not have to choose 325 00:15:24,333 --> 00:15:27,875 between seeing Sunny's mysterious meeting on the third floor... 326 00:15:30,583 --> 00:15:34,416 Klaus's discovery of a strange conspiracy on the sixth floor... 327 00:15:36,916 --> 00:15:40,375 and Violet's dangerous dilemma in the rooftop sunbathing salon. 328 00:15:40,458 --> 00:15:41,416 [bell dings] 329 00:15:41,500 --> 00:15:43,458 You may see all three of these things. 330 00:15:44,083 --> 00:15:46,333 Just... not at the same time. 331 00:15:46,666 --> 00:15:49,500 No one's ever looked good with a mustache, so I guess I'll be the first. 332 00:15:51,666 --> 00:15:52,916 [bell dings] 333 00:15:53,000 --> 00:15:54,458 [Carmelita] Yippeekiyay, mateys! 334 00:15:54,875 --> 00:15:57,291 I'm a ballplaying cowboy superhero soldier pirate! 335 00:15:57,375 --> 00:15:58,458 [Esmé] Of course you are. 336 00:15:58,541 --> 00:16:02,500 Carmelita's been exploring her tomboy side. Isn't she adorable? 337 00:16:02,583 --> 00:16:04,458 As the vice principal of Prufrock Prep, 338 00:16:04,541 --> 00:16:06,541 I can tell you Carmelita was always an adorable girl, 339 00:16:06,625 --> 00:16:09,083 and now she's an adorable tomboy! 340 00:16:09,166 --> 00:16:10,916 [Violet] Some girls find "tomboy" insulting. 341 00:16:11,000 --> 00:16:13,791 That means their interests don't conform to somebody else's expectations. 342 00:16:13,875 --> 00:16:17,458 [mocking] Some girls find tomboy to be an insulting term that blah, blah, blah... 343 00:16:17,541 --> 00:16:19,583 Who dares interrupt a genius when he's sunbathing? 344 00:16:19,666 --> 00:16:22,500 Must be the concierge. You're late. I rang two whole minutes ago. 345 00:16:22,583 --> 00:16:24,750 What is it you require, ma'am? Don't address me. 346 00:16:24,833 --> 00:16:28,208 I'd no sooner look at or speak to the help than I would wear modest clothing. 347 00:16:28,291 --> 00:16:30,000 You're speaking to the help right now. 348 00:16:30,083 --> 00:16:31,875 I didn't summon you for your opinion. 349 00:16:31,958 --> 00:16:35,625 I summoned you to give that adorable little girl in the yacht 350 00:16:35,708 --> 00:16:36,916 whatever her heart desires. 351 00:16:37,000 --> 00:16:39,041 Everyone, watch me shoot a hoop! 352 00:16:42,541 --> 00:16:45,750 Hey, concierge, I want an ice cream cone with hot pink sprinkles, 353 00:16:45,833 --> 00:16:48,625 and bananas, and lemon sorbet because I'm lactose intolerant. 354 00:16:48,708 --> 00:16:51,916 My daughter and I are here on topsecret business. 355 00:16:52,000 --> 00:16:55,791 If I may gush like an open wound, I'm not just a vice principal, 356 00:16:55,875 --> 00:16:59,625 but I'm also the vice president of the Esmé Squalor Fan Club! 357 00:16:59,708 --> 00:17:00,666 I'm your number one fan. 358 00:17:00,750 --> 00:17:03,125 That is so charming. 359 00:17:03,208 --> 00:17:05,291 I don't do autographs. 360 00:17:05,375 --> 00:17:08,000 I'd love to hear more about your topsecret business. 361 00:17:08,083 --> 00:17:10,916 I've read every story about you in The Daily Punctilio. 362 00:17:11,000 --> 00:17:14,583 You are so glamorous and important. You remind me of myself. 363 00:17:14,666 --> 00:17:17,083 Please, tell me, what are you planning next? 364 00:17:17,166 --> 00:17:20,166 That's top secret. But I can tell you it's gonna be the "innest" cocktail party 365 00:17:20,250 --> 00:17:21,250 this hotel has ever seen. 366 00:17:21,333 --> 00:17:22,500 [Nero] A cocktail party! 367 00:17:22,583 --> 00:17:25,375 People are going to be so excited. Some will probably have heart attacks! 368 00:17:25,458 --> 00:17:28,166 I hope so. They're certainly in for a big surprise. 369 00:17:28,250 --> 00:17:31,791 What kind of surprise? If I told you, it wouldn't be a surprise. 370 00:17:32,375 --> 00:17:35,166 I don't mean to eavesdrop, but I'm a member of the Esmé Squalor Fan Club, 371 00:17:35,250 --> 00:17:37,625 and I'd love to hear about a big surprise at a cocktail party. 372 00:17:37,708 --> 00:17:39,208 Can't you give me a hint? No! 373 00:17:39,666 --> 00:17:41,708 Pretty please! With sugar on top. 374 00:17:41,791 --> 00:17:43,666 I also want sugar on top. No. 375 00:17:43,750 --> 00:17:45,458 Does it have to do with the spyglass? 376 00:17:46,041 --> 00:17:46,875 What spyglass? 377 00:17:46,958 --> 00:17:49,125 When I was watching you from under that table, 378 00:17:49,208 --> 00:17:51,125 which I often do as your number one fan, 379 00:17:51,208 --> 00:17:53,833 I saw that you were watching the sky with a spyglass. 380 00:17:54,291 --> 00:17:55,166 Why? 381 00:17:56,666 --> 00:17:57,958 Because... 382 00:18:07,166 --> 00:18:08,833 Bird-watching is "in." 383 00:18:08,916 --> 00:18:10,416 Bird-watching in! 384 00:18:10,500 --> 00:18:14,208 Wait until the readers of the Esmé Squalor Fan Club newsletter hear about that! 385 00:18:14,291 --> 00:18:18,291 You're such a wonderfully nosy man. You must know all sorts of information. 386 00:18:18,375 --> 00:18:19,375 Tell you what. 387 00:18:19,458 --> 00:18:22,708 I'll give you a hint about the secret ingredient in my party's hors d'oeuvres 388 00:18:22,791 --> 00:18:27,375 if you tell me about a certain person who's been inviting people to this hotel. 389 00:18:28,041 --> 00:18:29,000 [Esmé] Hmm? 390 00:18:29,375 --> 00:18:31,083 His initials start with J.S. 391 00:18:31,166 --> 00:18:32,333 [scoffs] 392 00:18:32,416 --> 00:18:35,291 You of all people should know who know J.S. is! 393 00:18:36,083 --> 00:18:37,708 -He's your-- -Stupid cakesniffer! 394 00:18:37,791 --> 00:18:39,750 That concierge is just standing there 395 00:18:39,833 --> 00:18:42,333 instead of getting me my lactose-free ice cream cone! 396 00:18:42,416 --> 00:18:43,958 I'm so sorry, Carmelita. 397 00:18:44,708 --> 00:18:48,083 Not so fast. How does a concierge know my daughter's name? 398 00:18:53,416 --> 00:18:54,250 It's on her boat. 399 00:18:56,916 --> 00:18:57,791 That checks out. 400 00:18:59,125 --> 00:19:02,000 [Carmelita] Oh, there's one more thing I forgot to tell you to get me. 401 00:19:02,375 --> 00:19:03,916 I want a harpoon gun. 402 00:19:14,625 --> 00:19:15,791 [bell dings] 403 00:19:18,750 --> 00:19:19,750 Excuse me, sir. 404 00:19:21,125 --> 00:19:21,958 Is there a problem? 405 00:19:22,041 --> 00:19:24,583 A guest asked for something. I don't think I should give it to her. 406 00:19:24,666 --> 00:19:27,625 The job of the concierge is to give the guests exactly what they ask for. 407 00:19:27,708 --> 00:19:29,958 Giving a harpoon gun to Carmelita Spats would be wrong. 408 00:19:30,041 --> 00:19:31,958 But not giving it to her would be suspicious. 409 00:19:34,125 --> 00:19:38,291 V.F.D. is aware of Ms. Spats' intentions, and we've already taken them into account. 410 00:19:39,458 --> 00:19:42,791 Sometimes what seems wrong is really part of a larger plan. 411 00:19:43,041 --> 00:19:44,583 Can I trust you, concierge? 412 00:19:47,625 --> 00:19:48,625 If I can trust you. 413 00:19:49,208 --> 00:19:51,791 The clock in the lobby of the Hotel Denouement 414 00:19:51,875 --> 00:19:53,125 was the stuff of legend, 415 00:19:53,208 --> 00:19:56,708 a phrase which here means "very famous for being very loud." 416 00:19:57,458 --> 00:19:59,666 The noise it makes sounded a lot like a word, 417 00:19:59,750 --> 00:20:01,833 and that word described Violet Baudelaire 418 00:20:01,916 --> 00:20:06,291 as she prepared to carry a harpoon gun to the rooftop sunbathing salon. 419 00:20:06,375 --> 00:20:11,125 [clock bongs, "Wrong! Wrong! Wrong!"] 420 00:20:18,333 --> 00:20:19,833 [bell dings] 421 00:20:32,333 --> 00:20:34,708 [door opens, panting] 422 00:20:35,625 --> 00:20:37,291 Thank goodness you got here so fast. 423 00:20:37,375 --> 00:20:39,416 I rang two minutes ago, and it's an emergency. 424 00:20:39,500 --> 00:20:41,375 Babs? How do you know my name? 425 00:20:42,083 --> 00:20:43,583 It's on your name tag. 426 00:20:44,625 --> 00:20:46,625 Well, that makes sense. [nervous laughter] 427 00:20:46,708 --> 00:20:47,958 I'm sorry I'm so jumpy, 428 00:20:48,041 --> 00:20:49,750 but the last person I trusted tied me up, 429 00:20:49,833 --> 00:20:51,750 stole my clipboard, and burned down my hospital. 430 00:20:51,833 --> 00:20:53,625 I'll never get that clipboard back. 431 00:20:53,708 --> 00:20:56,458 You said there was an emergency. Yes, it's terrible. 432 00:20:56,541 --> 00:20:58,333 I'm supposed to meet my boyfriend in the sauna, 433 00:20:58,416 --> 00:21:00,250 but this hotel is poorly organized, 434 00:21:00,333 --> 00:21:02,416 so I have no idea where it is. 435 00:21:02,500 --> 00:21:04,958 Well, the 200s are the library catalog numbers for religion, 436 00:21:05,041 --> 00:21:07,291 and saunas are often a place for spiritual contemplation, 437 00:21:07,375 --> 00:21:09,250 so the sauna is on the second floor. 438 00:21:09,333 --> 00:21:10,958 My, you're smart. 439 00:21:11,041 --> 00:21:13,041 Have you considered being a doctor? 440 00:21:13,791 --> 00:21:14,916 Right this way, ma'am. 441 00:21:20,500 --> 00:21:22,208 Your boyfriend should be inside. 442 00:21:24,000 --> 00:21:26,375 [man] Who's there? I can't see a thing in this steam. 443 00:21:26,458 --> 00:21:29,000 It's your girlfriend! And the concierge. 444 00:21:29,083 --> 00:21:30,125 Ah, the concierge! 445 00:21:30,208 --> 00:21:32,166 I would love an aqueous Martini. 446 00:21:32,250 --> 00:21:34,791 I'm hooked, although I know they're terribly out of style. 447 00:21:34,875 --> 00:21:35,875 You two are a couple? 448 00:21:35,958 --> 00:21:41,083 Yes! We met at a support group for people who were terrorized by Esmé Squalor, 449 00:21:41,166 --> 00:21:42,541 and we fell hopelessly in love. 450 00:21:42,625 --> 00:21:44,833 Isn't that right, love of my life? 451 00:21:44,916 --> 00:21:48,916 It's definitely not a cover story, fire of my loins. 452 00:21:49,000 --> 00:21:51,083 [nervously laughing] 453 00:21:51,166 --> 00:21:52,500 I'll get that Martini. 454 00:21:52,583 --> 00:21:54,166 [laughing continues] 455 00:21:55,916 --> 00:21:56,916 He's gone. 456 00:21:57,416 --> 00:22:00,416 [Babs] I'm so anxious. How long do we have to keep this act up? 457 00:22:00,500 --> 00:22:02,375 [man] There are enemies in this hotel. 458 00:22:02,458 --> 00:22:04,416 We have to make them think we're a happy couple 459 00:22:04,500 --> 00:22:07,583 if we want to help the Baudelaires. That's what J.S. said in that telegram. 460 00:22:11,750 --> 00:22:13,000 Oh, the Baudelaires. 461 00:22:13,666 --> 00:22:16,041 Letting them go was the biggest mistake of my life. 462 00:22:16,125 --> 00:22:18,166 I shouldn't have let that man who said he was a doctor 463 00:22:18,250 --> 00:22:20,083 -nearly cut off their heads. -Hmm. 464 00:22:20,958 --> 00:22:22,333 We just have to wait till Thursday. 465 00:22:22,416 --> 00:22:24,541 That's when all these unfortunate events will be over 466 00:22:24,625 --> 00:22:27,000 and I go back to the real love of my life. 467 00:22:27,750 --> 00:22:31,208 We met at a support group for people who have escaped horrible partners. 468 00:22:31,291 --> 00:22:34,000 He got a telegram from J.S. too, but he couldn't be here. 469 00:22:34,083 --> 00:22:37,000 He's busy at his lumber mill. 470 00:22:37,625 --> 00:22:38,708 Oh, oh, oh. 471 00:22:38,791 --> 00:22:40,541 Well, I have someone too. 472 00:22:40,625 --> 00:22:42,833 She also received a telegram, but couldn't make it either. 473 00:22:42,916 --> 00:22:44,666 She's in prison for bank robbery. 474 00:22:44,750 --> 00:22:45,916 Ah! 475 00:22:46,375 --> 00:22:49,500 Well, J.S. did say that everyone who's ever met the Baudelaires was invited, 476 00:22:49,583 --> 00:22:51,750 so that makes sense. 477 00:22:51,833 --> 00:22:54,333 Excuse me. I have a telegram from J.S., 478 00:22:54,416 --> 00:22:56,666 although I can't give it to you until you give me his name. 479 00:22:56,750 --> 00:22:58,875 You mean her name. J.S. is a woman. 480 00:22:59,083 --> 00:23:00,541 I thought he was a sea captain. 481 00:23:00,625 --> 00:23:01,458 Hmm... 482 00:23:03,166 --> 00:23:04,958 Well, well, well. 483 00:23:05,833 --> 00:23:07,333 What do we have here? 484 00:23:17,000 --> 00:23:18,625 I fear I'm overdressed. 485 00:23:21,375 --> 00:23:22,250 It's blood. 486 00:23:22,916 --> 00:23:24,916 [Babs laughs nervously] 487 00:23:32,083 --> 00:23:34,458 Ah, there you are, concierge. I have an important job for you. 488 00:23:34,541 --> 00:23:37,125 I need you to help me hang this from the window of room 598, 489 00:23:37,208 --> 00:23:38,125 but we must be careful. 490 00:23:38,208 --> 00:23:41,083 It's so sticky that anything it touches becomes instantly trapped. 491 00:23:41,166 --> 00:23:42,166 Is it flypaper? 492 00:23:42,250 --> 00:23:44,750 Yes, although our problem is not flies. It's birds. 493 00:23:44,833 --> 00:23:45,916 You want me to hang flypaper 494 00:23:46,000 --> 00:23:48,666 out of the window of a hotel room to trap birds? That seems strange. 495 00:23:48,750 --> 00:23:51,416 Sometimes what seems strange is really part of a larger plan. 496 00:23:51,500 --> 00:23:52,708 Can I trust you, concierge? 497 00:23:55,041 --> 00:23:56,208 If I can trust you. 498 00:23:56,625 --> 00:24:01,083 [clock bongs, "Wrong! Wrong! Wrong!"] 499 00:24:01,166 --> 00:24:02,083 [Lemony] As you know, 500 00:24:02,166 --> 00:24:05,625 the noise made by the clock in the lobby of the Hotel Denouement 501 00:24:05,708 --> 00:24:07,250 sounded a lot like a word. 502 00:24:07,333 --> 00:24:09,500 This word described Klaus Baudelaire 503 00:24:09,583 --> 00:24:13,166 as he helped hang a strip of birdpaper outside the fifth floor. 504 00:24:13,250 --> 00:24:14,791 [clock bongs, "Wrong!] 505 00:24:20,791 --> 00:24:22,791 [bell dings, door opens] 506 00:24:33,625 --> 00:24:36,750 [coughing] 507 00:24:37,333 --> 00:24:40,625 [coughing continues] 508 00:24:41,125 --> 00:24:44,500 That's odd. I could've sworn I heard someone knock at the door. 509 00:24:45,375 --> 00:24:46,208 Ah! 510 00:24:46,875 --> 00:24:47,875 Oh, there you are. 511 00:24:47,958 --> 00:24:50,916 I rang two minutes ago, which is exactly the amount of time it takes 512 00:24:51,000 --> 00:24:52,541 to get from the third floor to the lobby, 513 00:24:52,625 --> 00:24:54,208 so you're neither early nor late. 514 00:24:54,291 --> 00:24:56,375 My, the concierges are short in this hotel. 515 00:24:56,458 --> 00:24:58,625 [babbling] 516 00:24:58,708 --> 00:25:00,041 I have no idea what you're saying. 517 00:25:00,125 --> 00:25:03,000 So I have a very important meeting in the restaurant in room 954, 518 00:25:03,083 --> 00:25:06,250 but my secretary, Jacqueline Scieszka, moved to Winnipeg, 519 00:25:06,333 --> 00:25:09,375 and my other secretary, whose name I never learned, 520 00:25:09,458 --> 00:25:10,750 quit abruptly this morning. 521 00:25:10,833 --> 00:25:13,208 So, do you have any secretarial experience? 522 00:25:15,500 --> 00:25:16,958 Excellent! Follow me. 523 00:25:18,333 --> 00:25:20,125 You remind me of a toddler I know. 524 00:25:20,208 --> 00:25:21,875 I mean, obviously you can't be her. 525 00:25:21,958 --> 00:25:26,208 I mean, why would a toddler be working at a hotel and as a concierge? [laughs] 526 00:25:26,291 --> 00:25:28,375 Oh, I just must be hungry for a familiar face. 527 00:25:29,916 --> 00:25:32,500 Hello, I'm Larry Your-Waiter. I hope you're hungry for Indian food. 528 00:25:32,583 --> 00:25:36,125 In room 954, which is the library catalog number for India and South Asia, 529 00:25:36,208 --> 00:25:38,500 we're proud to serve a wide variety of Indian dishes. 530 00:25:38,583 --> 00:25:40,958 The culinary history of the region is quite fascinating. 531 00:25:41,041 --> 00:25:42,250 I'll just have a glass of milk. 532 00:25:42,333 --> 00:25:45,416 -Don't want to broaden your horizons? -No, thank you. I'm afraid of foreigners. 533 00:25:47,041 --> 00:25:51,250 One glass of milk coming up, and something to bite for the little lady. 534 00:25:55,791 --> 00:25:57,875 I swear I've seen that waiter somewhere before. 535 00:25:57,958 --> 00:25:58,916 It's the oddest thing, 536 00:25:59,000 --> 00:26:01,541 but this hotel is positively packed with familiar faces. 537 00:26:01,625 --> 00:26:02,958 Ah, you must be J.S.! 538 00:26:03,916 --> 00:26:05,125 Call me Snicket. 539 00:26:05,666 --> 00:26:07,833 Jacques Snicket. We've never met. 540 00:26:07,916 --> 00:26:09,916 Oh, you're most certainly right we've never met. 541 00:26:10,000 --> 00:26:12,583 I may forget a name, but I never remember a face. 542 00:26:12,666 --> 00:26:15,416 Well, lookee here. A small child. 543 00:26:15,916 --> 00:26:18,625 As an upstanding, book-reading, still-living citizen, 544 00:26:18,708 --> 00:26:21,500 I sure love children. I love 'em so darn much. 545 00:26:21,583 --> 00:26:24,500 It's frankly kind of disturbing how much I love children. 546 00:26:28,333 --> 00:26:32,333 Which is why I am not going to let you out of my sight. 547 00:26:32,708 --> 00:26:35,625 This is actually my secretary. Well, technically, she's a concierge. 548 00:26:35,708 --> 00:26:36,541 Shall we get started? 549 00:26:36,625 --> 00:26:39,000 Did you procure the items I requested? 550 00:26:39,083 --> 00:26:41,708 I said "procure," when a perfectly normal word would do, 551 00:26:41,791 --> 00:26:43,500 because I, Jacques Snicket, 552 00:26:43,583 --> 00:26:46,375 am an insufferable know-it-all who likes to show off. 553 00:26:46,458 --> 00:26:49,208 -I read your telegram. -Which I signed J.S. 554 00:26:49,291 --> 00:26:51,000 Which you signed J.S., yes. 555 00:26:51,083 --> 00:26:53,750 -Which are definitely my initials. -Which are certainly your initials. 556 00:26:53,833 --> 00:26:54,666 And as requested, 557 00:26:54,750 --> 00:26:56,875 I gathered everything I found in the Baudelaire case, 558 00:26:56,958 --> 00:26:59,416 including all the information that could incriminate Count Olaf. 559 00:26:59,500 --> 00:27:00,541 Super. I'll just take that. 560 00:27:00,625 --> 00:27:02,708 Then I thought I'd be remiss in my duties as a banker 561 00:27:02,791 --> 00:27:05,833 if I handed an incomplete file. After all, you requested everything. 562 00:27:05,916 --> 00:27:07,958 So I did some digging, and do you know what I found? 563 00:27:08,041 --> 00:27:09,041 Uh... 564 00:27:09,125 --> 00:27:09,958 What? 565 00:27:10,541 --> 00:27:11,416 Everything. 566 00:27:12,041 --> 00:27:13,541 I combed through thousands of documents 567 00:27:13,625 --> 00:27:16,416 until I found each bit evidence that could relate to the Baudelaire case. 568 00:27:16,500 --> 00:27:18,166 How tedious. Compliment taken. 569 00:27:18,250 --> 00:27:21,458 A bank is a bit like a library, although we don't approve of people browsing. 570 00:27:21,541 --> 00:27:24,541 And once I gathered it all up, I came to a shocking discovery. 571 00:27:24,625 --> 00:27:25,833 That you have to get out more? 572 00:27:25,916 --> 00:27:28,083 This file is more than a collection of esoteric documents 573 00:27:28,166 --> 00:27:30,416 chronicling the unhappy lives of several children. No! 574 00:27:30,500 --> 00:27:33,333 When taken together, it forms a complete history of injustice, 575 00:27:33,416 --> 00:27:36,500 as demonstrated by a wicked villain, his treacherous girlfriend, 576 00:27:36,583 --> 00:27:39,000 and various well-meaning yet ineffectual authority figures 577 00:27:39,083 --> 00:27:41,875 who help him, intentionally or unintentionally, along the way. 578 00:27:42,500 --> 00:27:44,041 I even gave it my own title. 579 00:27:44,125 --> 00:27:46,041 I call it, The Complete History of Injustice 580 00:27:46,125 --> 00:27:48,625 or Odious Lusting After Fortunes. 581 00:27:53,125 --> 00:27:55,583 Mr. Poe, this is a shocking development. 582 00:27:55,666 --> 00:27:59,625 I promise to keep that file safe, or my name isn't Jacques Snicket, 583 00:27:59,708 --> 00:28:01,958 a pompous dogooder who is definitely not dead. 584 00:28:02,041 --> 00:28:03,875 This isn't the file. Beg your pardon? 585 00:28:03,958 --> 00:28:06,125 This is the index. The file was too big for my briefcase. 586 00:28:06,208 --> 00:28:07,958 It's being delivered tonight by another client 587 00:28:08,041 --> 00:28:09,333 who requested the same materials. 588 00:28:09,416 --> 00:28:11,625 -You both have the exact same initials. -J.S. 589 00:28:13,500 --> 00:28:14,625 Larry. 590 00:28:14,708 --> 00:28:16,541 Fancy seeing you here. 591 00:28:16,625 --> 00:28:17,708 I forgot your milk. 592 00:28:17,791 --> 00:28:20,166 -But it's on that tray. -I'll go get it from the chef. 593 00:28:22,375 --> 00:28:23,250 Odd service. 594 00:28:23,333 --> 00:28:24,666 -Hotel restaurants! -[chuckles] 595 00:28:24,750 --> 00:28:27,000 So tell me, who is this other J.S. 596 00:28:27,083 --> 00:28:29,458 that seems so interested in the Baudelaire orphans? 597 00:28:29,541 --> 00:28:32,583 I'm afraid I can't discuss that. Banker-client confidentiality. 598 00:28:32,666 --> 00:28:35,791 Pretend your life depended on it. 599 00:28:36,416 --> 00:28:37,250 [gulps] 600 00:28:38,041 --> 00:28:40,125 [Larry] Things are worse than we thought. 601 00:28:40,208 --> 00:28:41,541 How soon before J.S. arrives? 602 00:28:41,625 --> 00:28:43,708 The real J.S., not that imposter in the dining room. 603 00:28:43,791 --> 00:28:46,208 Tonight. And the package will be arriving as well. 604 00:28:46,625 --> 00:28:48,291 But our enemies are watching the skies. 605 00:28:48,375 --> 00:28:50,916 If they intercept the delivery, we will all be eating crow. 606 00:28:51,291 --> 00:28:53,208 Crow is tough to eat. 607 00:28:53,500 --> 00:28:54,916 I hope we have enough sugar. 608 00:28:55,000 --> 00:28:56,916 Especially if there are mushrooms on the menu. 609 00:29:01,333 --> 00:29:02,708 That came from the kitchen. 610 00:29:02,791 --> 00:29:04,500 Where did your secretary go? 611 00:29:04,916 --> 00:29:09,291 Ah, concierge, I need you to come with me to room 025, the laundry room. 612 00:29:10,666 --> 00:29:13,041 I need you to put this special lock on the door. 613 00:29:16,000 --> 00:29:17,541 [Poe] They tend to just wander off, 614 00:29:17,625 --> 00:29:19,458 like orphans or cats. 615 00:29:20,291 --> 00:29:22,083 I know how to make a cat stay. 616 00:29:23,041 --> 00:29:24,208 You skin it. 617 00:29:26,125 --> 00:29:28,708 If you see that waiter, tell him I'm still waiting on that milk. 618 00:29:31,000 --> 00:29:32,666 We'll take the service elevator. 619 00:29:34,583 --> 00:29:38,500 Exactly. Sometimes what seems mysterious is really part of a larger plan. 620 00:29:42,958 --> 00:29:47,166 Larry, you're done ruining my schemes, and also my lunch. 621 00:29:47,250 --> 00:29:49,000 You haven't even tried the curry. 622 00:29:49,083 --> 00:29:50,041 It's way too spicy. 623 00:29:50,125 --> 00:29:53,208 Olaf, you lack more than an appreciation for subcontinental cuisine. 624 00:29:53,291 --> 00:29:56,708 You lack morals and ethics. And back-up! Where are your associates now? 625 00:29:56,791 --> 00:29:58,958 Where are yours? Oh, right. I killed them all. 626 00:29:59,041 --> 00:30:01,083 You can wear a fake mustache, you can rent a tuxedo-- 627 00:30:01,166 --> 00:30:02,416 This isn't rented. I stole it. 628 00:30:02,500 --> 00:30:04,375 You'll never be half the man Jacques Snicket was. 629 00:30:04,458 --> 00:30:06,416 At least I'm not going to be cooked alive in curry. 630 00:30:06,500 --> 00:30:08,083 Is that a threat? Did it sound like one? 631 00:30:08,166 --> 00:30:09,375 Yes, it did. Good. It was. 632 00:30:09,458 --> 00:30:10,291 We'll see about that. 633 00:30:10,375 --> 00:30:13,375 Frank, would you please escort this villain off the premises? 634 00:30:14,958 --> 00:30:16,416 I think you mean Ernest. 635 00:30:20,125 --> 00:30:21,625 Yippeekiyay. 636 00:30:33,166 --> 00:30:34,958 [Larry] Unhand me, you cretins! 637 00:30:35,041 --> 00:30:36,291 You cads! 638 00:30:36,375 --> 00:30:37,750 You man-handling imposters! 639 00:30:37,833 --> 00:30:39,500 It's an insult! It's an outrage! 640 00:30:39,583 --> 00:30:41,291 This is no way to treat a waiter! 641 00:30:45,125 --> 00:30:47,166 I'm sorry it has to end like this. 642 00:30:47,250 --> 00:30:50,875 Our little tête-à-têtes have been fun, but this rivalry, 643 00:30:50,958 --> 00:30:54,333 like this sauce, has simmered far too long. 644 00:30:54,416 --> 00:30:56,041 Do you expect me to talk? 645 00:30:56,125 --> 00:30:58,625 No, Larry Your-Waiter. 646 00:31:00,833 --> 00:31:03,000 I expect you to boil. 647 00:31:09,041 --> 00:31:10,833 Great. This was dry-clean only. 648 00:31:11,333 --> 00:31:12,166 [sighs] 649 00:31:12,875 --> 00:31:15,416 It's important to keep this room secure. 650 00:31:16,625 --> 00:31:18,291 Can I trust you, concierge? 651 00:31:18,875 --> 00:31:20,958 [babbling, clock bongs] 652 00:31:21,041 --> 00:31:24,125 [Lemony] The sound of the clock in the lobby described Sunny Baudelaire 653 00:31:24,208 --> 00:31:28,375 as she turned the laundry room entrance into a Vernacularly Fastened Door. 654 00:31:29,083 --> 00:31:31,791 But it also describes the story of the Baudelaires 655 00:31:31,875 --> 00:31:34,708 because everything they thought they knew about their lives, 656 00:31:34,791 --> 00:31:37,583 their situation, and the Hotel Denouement... 657 00:31:38,916 --> 00:31:39,916 was wrong. 658 00:31:42,375 --> 00:31:44,375 -Wrong. -[clock bell bongs] 659 00:31:46,125 --> 00:31:47,416 -Wrong. -[clock bell bongs] 660 00:31:47,500 --> 00:31:49,500 [clock ticks] 661 00:32:02,708 --> 00:32:03,875 [Klaus] It's all wrong. 662 00:32:04,500 --> 00:32:07,500 This hotel is full of people we know, but they can't all be part of V.F.D. 663 00:32:07,583 --> 00:32:09,708 They were all invited by someone with the initials J.S., 664 00:32:09,791 --> 00:32:11,916 but they each think that J.S. is a different person. 665 00:32:12,000 --> 00:32:15,083 Vice Principal Nero said J.S. is someone that Esmé would know. 666 00:32:15,416 --> 00:32:16,791 Like her husband, Jerome Squalor. 667 00:32:16,875 --> 00:32:19,208 But Jerome Squalor said J.S. is a woman who wants to help us. 668 00:32:19,291 --> 00:32:21,500 Mr. Poe's secretary was called Jacqueline Scieszka. 669 00:32:21,583 --> 00:32:23,500 And Babs thinks that J.S. is a sea captain. 670 00:32:23,583 --> 00:32:26,166 One of Count Olaf's disguises was Captain Julio Sham. 671 00:32:26,250 --> 00:32:28,041 But Count Olaf is disguised as Jacques Snicket. 672 00:32:28,125 --> 00:32:29,791 He doesn't know who the real J.S. is either. 673 00:32:29,875 --> 00:32:32,333 There are other mysteries. Why is Esmé planning a cocktail party, 674 00:32:32,416 --> 00:32:34,250 and what does Carmelita want with a harpoon gun? 675 00:32:34,333 --> 00:32:36,416 Did Frank or Ernest give me the birdpaper? 676 00:32:36,500 --> 00:32:38,375 And who told Sunny to lock the laundry room door? 677 00:32:38,458 --> 00:32:40,041 Why is everyone watching the skies? 678 00:32:41,458 --> 00:32:42,791 Sunny, I don't know what you mean. 679 00:32:44,083 --> 00:32:45,291 I know what she means. 680 00:32:46,125 --> 00:32:49,000 The humorist John Godfrey Saxe wrote a poem 681 00:32:49,083 --> 00:32:51,208 that was a favorite of the Baudelaires' father, 682 00:32:51,291 --> 00:32:54,375 who would often torment his children by reciting it. 683 00:32:54,750 --> 00:32:57,458 In the poem, six blind men encounter an animal 684 00:32:57,541 --> 00:32:59,333 and are unable to agree what it looks like. 685 00:32:59,416 --> 00:33:03,916 The first man feels its tall side and concludes it must be a wall. 686 00:33:04,375 --> 00:33:09,166 The second feels its trunk and decides it resembles a snake, and so on. 687 00:33:09,958 --> 00:33:13,083 The moral of the poem is that observing a part of something 688 00:33:13,166 --> 00:33:15,208 is not the same as observing the whole. 689 00:33:15,291 --> 00:33:17,333 But if you share your observations, 690 00:33:17,416 --> 00:33:20,416 you may find that what seems confusing 691 00:33:20,500 --> 00:33:23,000 is really part of a larger plan. 692 00:33:23,083 --> 00:33:25,291 [elephant trumpeting] 693 00:33:29,166 --> 00:33:30,250 Or an elephant. 694 00:33:30,916 --> 00:33:32,541 We've each heard parts of a larger plan. 695 00:33:32,625 --> 00:33:35,000 If we put them all together, we can see the whole shape. 696 00:33:35,083 --> 00:33:38,375 Larry Your-Waiter said something about a package being delivered tonight, 697 00:33:38,458 --> 00:33:39,500 and crows. 698 00:33:40,166 --> 00:33:41,750 What if he meant carrier crows, 699 00:33:41,833 --> 00:33:44,750 like the ones Isadora used to send couplets in the Village of Fowl Devotees? 700 00:33:44,833 --> 00:33:46,666 That would explain why Esmé's watching the skies 701 00:33:46,750 --> 00:33:49,250 and why Carmelita needs a harpoon gun. She's gonna shoot it down. 702 00:33:49,333 --> 00:33:51,875 And I bet that's why Frank or Ernest had you hang that birdpaper. 703 00:33:52,541 --> 00:33:54,291 If a crow was shot at a certain angle, 704 00:33:54,375 --> 00:33:56,291 it would strike the building at the fifth floor, 705 00:33:56,375 --> 00:33:59,666 and then it would stick to the birdpaper, then the package would fall to the ground. 706 00:33:59,750 --> 00:34:01,916 Maybe, or maybe not. Where else could it land? 707 00:34:02,000 --> 00:34:03,833 I saw a laundry vent under the window. 708 00:34:03,916 --> 00:34:06,166 What if the plan is for the package to fall in there? 709 00:34:06,250 --> 00:34:08,791 It would end up in the-- Laundry room. Sunny locked the door. 710 00:34:08,875 --> 00:34:10,875 If Frank gave her the lock, then the package is safe. 711 00:34:10,958 --> 00:34:12,791 But if it was Ernest, then it's not. 712 00:34:13,333 --> 00:34:15,791 -We don't even know what the package is. -Maybe we do. 713 00:34:15,875 --> 00:34:17,625 What are both sides of the schism after? 714 00:34:19,416 --> 00:34:20,833 The sugar bowl. The sugar bowl. 715 00:34:20,916 --> 00:34:23,000 [squeaking] 716 00:34:27,333 --> 00:34:32,541 Yes, you can take that to room 347, please. Civil procedures and courts. 717 00:34:32,625 --> 00:34:33,958 [Violet] Justice Strauss! 718 00:34:34,541 --> 00:34:37,791 Baudelaires! Baudelaires! 719 00:34:37,875 --> 00:34:41,250 Oh, my sweet Baudelaires! 720 00:34:41,333 --> 00:34:42,833 Look at you! 721 00:34:42,916 --> 00:34:45,958 Oh, Klaus, you've gotten so tall. 722 00:34:46,041 --> 00:34:48,083 Violet, you're so grown up. 723 00:34:49,000 --> 00:34:50,208 And Sunny... 724 00:34:50,291 --> 00:34:51,666 -[bites] -[gasps] 725 00:34:51,750 --> 00:34:52,958 I see you're still a biter. 726 00:34:53,375 --> 00:34:54,500 You recognize us. 727 00:34:54,583 --> 00:34:56,458 I care about you children deeply. 728 00:34:56,541 --> 00:34:59,125 I would recognize you anywhere. What are you doing here? 729 00:34:59,208 --> 00:35:02,208 Well, after that fraud of a wedding, 730 00:35:02,291 --> 00:35:05,041 I couldn't forgive myself for letting you down, 731 00:35:05,458 --> 00:35:08,000 so I decided to set things right. 732 00:35:08,083 --> 00:35:09,458 I went looking for you. 733 00:35:09,541 --> 00:35:10,750 [bell dinging] 734 00:35:11,500 --> 00:35:13,458 Next stop, Lousy Lane! 735 00:35:16,958 --> 00:35:19,083 Next stop, Lake Lachrymose! 736 00:35:19,166 --> 00:35:20,125 [bell dinging] 737 00:35:21,291 --> 00:35:23,583 Next stop, the burnt remains of Paltrytville! 738 00:35:24,666 --> 00:35:25,500 Prufrock Prep! 739 00:35:27,458 --> 00:35:28,333 Dark Avenue! 740 00:35:29,000 --> 00:35:31,208 Village of Fowl Devotees! 741 00:35:32,250 --> 00:35:33,666 Next stop, the hinterlands! 742 00:35:33,750 --> 00:35:35,750 The burnt remains of Heimlich Hospital! 743 00:35:35,833 --> 00:35:39,833 The burnt remains of Caligari Carnival, and the Mortmain Mountains! 744 00:35:39,916 --> 00:35:41,000 [bell dinging] 745 00:35:41,625 --> 00:35:43,625 [brakes squealing] 746 00:35:46,875 --> 00:35:49,083 But everywhere I went, you were already gone. 747 00:35:49,166 --> 00:35:50,416 Then how did you find us? 748 00:35:50,500 --> 00:35:53,791 I had some help from a very strange book. 749 00:35:54,625 --> 00:35:57,500 The book told me about a secret organization 750 00:35:57,583 --> 00:36:00,250 that was devoted to fighting the fires of the world. 751 00:36:00,333 --> 00:36:01,250 [Violet] V.F.D. 752 00:36:01,333 --> 00:36:02,166 Exactly. 753 00:36:02,250 --> 00:36:04,416 They were trying to help you, too. So what did you do? 754 00:36:04,500 --> 00:36:06,625 Well, I think we should sit down for this part. 755 00:36:10,083 --> 00:36:12,791 I realized finding you wouldn't be enough, 756 00:36:12,875 --> 00:36:15,000 not if Count Olaf was still at large. 757 00:36:15,541 --> 00:36:17,708 But if I could gather V.F.D., 758 00:36:17,791 --> 00:36:20,625 along with all the witnesses of Count Olaf's crimes, 759 00:36:21,000 --> 00:36:23,833 then the High Court could hear the whole story 760 00:36:23,916 --> 00:36:26,125 and we could bring him to justice at last. 761 00:36:26,208 --> 00:36:27,583 You're putting Count Olaf on trial? 762 00:36:27,666 --> 00:36:29,125 That's why you invited everyone here. 763 00:36:29,208 --> 00:36:31,541 You've been helping us this whole time and we didn't know? 764 00:36:31,625 --> 00:36:32,875 I didn't do it alone. 765 00:36:33,416 --> 00:36:39,291 Jerome Squalor shared personal anecdotes about injustices in the financial sector. 766 00:36:40,041 --> 00:36:42,000 He's sorry he let you down too. 767 00:36:42,958 --> 00:36:48,625 Jacqueline Scieszka provided invaluable note-taking and globe-trotting services. 768 00:36:49,625 --> 00:36:54,583 Jacques Snicket may be dead, but his research lives on. 769 00:36:54,916 --> 00:36:59,041 And, of course, I read all about the nefarious deeds of Captain Julio Sham. 770 00:36:59,500 --> 00:37:02,791 I sent all my research to a bank for safekeeping. 771 00:37:03,666 --> 00:37:07,416 And here it is, all collected at last. 772 00:37:07,791 --> 00:37:11,083 The Complete History of Injustice 773 00:37:11,166 --> 00:37:14,458 or Odious Lusting After Fortunes. 774 00:37:16,958 --> 00:37:19,250 We invited Count Olaf here too, 775 00:37:19,333 --> 00:37:21,708 and my sources say he's arrived. 776 00:37:21,791 --> 00:37:25,041 But after Thursday, he'll be behind bars, 777 00:37:25,333 --> 00:37:28,416 and all your troubles will be over at last. 778 00:37:29,833 --> 00:37:32,583 Well, our troubles won't be over until we find a home. 779 00:37:32,958 --> 00:37:38,541 Well, my home could use three lovely, clever, talented children. 780 00:37:39,583 --> 00:37:42,416 That is, if you can forgive me. 781 00:37:43,708 --> 00:37:45,125 We'd love to live with you. 782 00:37:45,208 --> 00:37:46,375 Do you really mean it? 783 00:37:46,458 --> 00:37:47,458 Of course. 784 00:37:47,541 --> 00:37:50,583 Then this night is different from all other nights 785 00:37:50,666 --> 00:37:53,875 because this story is finally over. 786 00:37:53,958 --> 00:37:56,791 [clock bell bongs, "Wrong! Wrong!"] 787 00:37:56,875 --> 00:38:00,083 [clock bell bongs, "Wrong! Wrong!"] 788 00:38:00,166 --> 00:38:03,291 [clock bell bongs, "Wrong! Wrong!"] 789 00:38:03,375 --> 00:38:06,500 [clock bell bongs, "Wrong! Wrong!"] 790 00:38:10,083 --> 00:38:12,375 It's late. We should get to sleep. 791 00:38:12,458 --> 00:38:14,958 But rest easy, Baudelaires. 792 00:38:20,541 --> 00:38:22,166 We'll be a family soon. 793 00:38:24,375 --> 00:38:27,625 [Lemony] As the Baudelaires contemplated a future with Justice Strauss, 794 00:38:27,708 --> 00:38:30,166 they were excited to tell Kit what they'd learned. 795 00:38:30,958 --> 00:38:33,333 Though they wondered what could be keeping her. 796 00:38:35,916 --> 00:38:39,000 I can't believe you're alive. The Daily Punctilio ran your obituary. 797 00:38:39,083 --> 00:38:42,041 Oh, you can't believe anything you read in The Daily Punctilio, 798 00:38:42,125 --> 00:38:43,875 although they did spell my name right. 799 00:38:43,958 --> 00:38:45,291 Where have you been? On the lam. 800 00:38:45,375 --> 00:38:47,500 It's better to let our enemies think that I was dead. 801 00:38:47,583 --> 00:38:48,875 What about your siblings? 802 00:38:48,958 --> 00:38:51,166 I read about Jacques in the paper. That's why I came back. 803 00:38:51,250 --> 00:38:53,541 -I had to see if it was true. -It isn't just Jacques. 804 00:38:53,625 --> 00:38:55,750 While you've been gone, we've lost so many good people. 805 00:38:55,833 --> 00:38:58,083 Monty, Josephine, the Quagmires. 806 00:38:58,541 --> 00:39:00,541 And... Beatrice? 807 00:39:00,625 --> 00:39:02,791 Lemony, I'm so sorry. 808 00:39:05,416 --> 00:39:06,791 I've missed so much. 809 00:39:08,708 --> 00:39:11,500 I feel like I'm arriving in the middle of someone else's story. 810 00:39:11,583 --> 00:39:14,333 It can be your story, too. Now that you're back, you can help us. 811 00:39:14,416 --> 00:39:17,083 I can't help anyone, Kit. You were there that night at the opera. 812 00:39:17,166 --> 00:39:19,166 You know that everything that's happened is my fault. 813 00:39:19,250 --> 00:39:22,041 The world's troubles aren't the fault of any one person, 814 00:39:22,125 --> 00:39:23,833 but it is your fault if you do nothing. 815 00:39:23,916 --> 00:39:27,375 Come back to the hotel with me. Join V.F.D. again. Join us. 816 00:39:27,458 --> 00:39:30,583 What can I do? You're not dead yet. Do something. 817 00:39:33,666 --> 00:39:35,500 I saw you with-- He's a good man. 818 00:39:36,250 --> 00:39:37,375 I'm happy for you. 819 00:39:37,458 --> 00:39:38,833 Four children. 820 00:39:38,916 --> 00:39:40,750 I have missed a lot. Four? 821 00:39:40,833 --> 00:39:43,541 One on the way. I saw you with three more at the hotel. 822 00:39:45,333 --> 00:39:48,000 Lemony, those children aren't mine. 823 00:39:49,333 --> 00:39:50,375 They're the Baudelaires. 824 00:39:53,291 --> 00:39:54,250 You mean that they're-- 825 00:39:54,333 --> 00:39:55,541 -[popping] -A signal flare. 826 00:39:58,583 --> 00:40:00,708 [Lemony] Looks like a self-sustaining hot-air mobile home. 827 00:40:00,791 --> 00:40:03,833 The Quagmire triplets and a flock of eagles. They're gonna bring it down! 828 00:40:03,916 --> 00:40:05,166 The Queequeg is just offshore. 829 00:40:05,250 --> 00:40:07,166 I can take it to rescue them. Kit... 830 00:40:09,166 --> 00:40:10,083 How can I help? 831 00:40:10,500 --> 00:40:12,916 Do you still have a valid taxi driver's license? 832 00:40:19,333 --> 00:40:21,625 [clock ticking] 833 00:40:22,500 --> 00:40:23,500 Are you awake? 834 00:40:24,333 --> 00:40:26,083 I can't sleep. Me neither. 835 00:40:26,541 --> 00:40:28,625 These sofas make terrible beds. 836 00:40:28,708 --> 00:40:30,750 It's not the sofas. There's something bothering me. 837 00:40:30,833 --> 00:40:31,666 Me too. 838 00:40:31,750 --> 00:40:34,166 We know who J.S. is. We know the sugar bowl is being delivered, 839 00:40:34,250 --> 00:40:36,750 but we don't know why it's important or which brother put the lock 840 00:40:36,833 --> 00:40:39,000 -on the laundry room door. -That's the problem. 841 00:40:39,125 --> 00:40:41,250 You said you were with Frank or Ernest at three o'clock. 842 00:40:41,333 --> 00:40:43,166 You heard the clock strike three. 843 00:40:43,250 --> 00:40:44,458 [clock bell bongs] 844 00:40:44,541 --> 00:40:46,458 Sunny was with the other brother at the same time. 845 00:40:46,541 --> 00:40:47,916 [clock bell bongs] 846 00:40:48,000 --> 00:40:50,083 So...? So I was with one of the brothers too. 847 00:40:50,166 --> 00:40:52,833 All three of us were with Frank or Ernest at three o'clock exactly. 848 00:40:52,916 --> 00:40:54,375 [clock bell bongs] 849 00:40:55,916 --> 00:40:58,833 I see what you mean. Two brothers can be in two places at the same time. 850 00:40:58,916 --> 00:41:00,291 They can't be in three places. 851 00:41:00,958 --> 00:41:02,583 I wish this hotel was a library. 852 00:41:02,666 --> 00:41:05,000 We could use the library catalog system to find some answers. 853 00:41:05,083 --> 00:41:07,458 Is there a library catalog number for mysteries? 854 00:41:07,791 --> 00:41:09,416 135. I already thought of that. 855 00:41:09,500 --> 00:41:11,291 But there is no room 135. 856 00:41:25,833 --> 00:41:27,125 Maybe it's not a room. 857 00:41:31,791 --> 00:41:33,833 [Violet] Remember when we stayed at that hotel 858 00:41:33,916 --> 00:41:36,833 and we thought it would be fun to press a bunch of buttons at the same time? 859 00:41:36,916 --> 00:41:39,416 Father said when you do that, you never know where you'll end up. 860 00:41:39,500 --> 00:41:40,708 Let's see where we end up. 861 00:41:42,291 --> 00:41:44,708 -[Klaus] We're going down. -[Violet] The basement laundry room. 862 00:41:44,791 --> 00:41:46,166 [Klaus] The elevator isn't stopping. 863 00:41:46,583 --> 00:41:48,041 There must be a sub-basement. 864 00:41:56,000 --> 00:41:57,833 [Klaus] It looks like a library card catalog. 865 00:41:59,750 --> 00:42:01,125 Someone's been repairing a book. 866 00:42:01,208 --> 00:42:03,625 [Klaus] The paste is still wet. [Violet] The tea is still hot. 867 00:42:03,708 --> 00:42:04,958 [man] Kit, is that you? 868 00:42:12,083 --> 00:42:13,000 You're not Kit. 869 00:42:13,666 --> 00:42:15,875 And you're not Frank. And you're not Ernest, either. 870 00:42:16,500 --> 00:42:18,250 Because the Denouement brothers aren't twins. 871 00:42:18,333 --> 00:42:19,208 They're triplets. 872 00:42:19,291 --> 00:42:20,958 Kit told me that you were clever. 873 00:42:21,416 --> 00:42:24,333 My name is Dewey Denouement. I'm pleased to meet you. 874 00:42:24,416 --> 00:42:27,375 Why didn't Kit tell us about you? My existence is secret, 875 00:42:27,458 --> 00:42:30,208 which suits me fine because my work is secret, too. 876 00:42:30,291 --> 00:42:33,625 You see, the Hotel Denouement is not just organized like a library. 877 00:42:40,083 --> 00:42:41,458 It is a library. 878 00:42:54,541 --> 00:42:57,250 We collect reports from every V.F.D. agent, scholar, researcher, 879 00:42:57,333 --> 00:42:59,958 inventor, scientist, explorer, cartographer, poet, journalist, 880 00:43:00,041 --> 00:43:03,875 naturalist, herpetologist, optometrist, receptionist, chef, waiter, taxi driver, 881 00:43:03,958 --> 00:43:08,000 sea captain, film director, ballerina, children's book author, and mountaineer. 882 00:43:08,625 --> 00:43:10,625 Our volunteers are everywhere, observing the world 883 00:43:10,708 --> 00:43:12,416 and writing it all down in books. 884 00:43:12,500 --> 00:43:14,708 These books then pass through a number of safe places, 885 00:43:14,791 --> 00:43:17,416 from hospitals to carnivals, to end up here... 886 00:43:18,166 --> 00:43:19,541 the Last Safe Place. 887 00:43:29,541 --> 00:43:31,541 Ever since the schism, it's more important than ever 888 00:43:31,625 --> 00:43:33,875 to keep our research cataloged and secure. 889 00:43:34,250 --> 00:43:36,250 So while Frank and Ernest run the hotel, 890 00:43:36,333 --> 00:43:37,791 I do my work in the shadows. 891 00:43:38,416 --> 00:43:39,958 Here we are. Where's the library? 892 00:43:40,041 --> 00:43:41,625 [Dewey] Look below the surface. 893 00:43:41,708 --> 00:43:44,416 -It's a sub-library, so it's submerged. -It's under the pond. 894 00:43:44,500 --> 00:43:47,708 Our enemies could burn the hotel to the ground and our work would be safe. 895 00:43:47,791 --> 00:43:48,791 It's a secret library. 896 00:43:50,041 --> 00:43:51,458 Then why are you telling us? 897 00:43:52,291 --> 00:43:55,666 After Thursday, Kit and I are leaving V.F.D. to raise our child. 898 00:43:56,208 --> 00:43:59,125 The Last Safe Place will need a new sub-librarian, 899 00:43:59,208 --> 00:44:00,500 or three of them. 900 00:44:01,375 --> 00:44:04,708 You want to give us your library? I've read all about you, Baudelaires. 901 00:44:04,791 --> 00:44:07,875 Violet, you've invented amazing things under incredible pressure. 902 00:44:07,958 --> 00:44:11,500 Imagine what you could do with the time and resources that you'd have here. 903 00:44:11,583 --> 00:44:16,208 Klaus, your research skills are on par with V.F.D.'s greatest librarians. 904 00:44:16,291 --> 00:44:18,750 Why not use them in service of its greatest library? 905 00:44:19,500 --> 00:44:22,625 And Sunny, I've heard wonderful things about your cooking. 906 00:44:23,083 --> 00:44:26,416 Never underestimate the way that a good meal can change the world. 907 00:44:27,666 --> 00:44:30,125 After Thursday, Count Olaf will be behind bars. 908 00:44:30,208 --> 00:44:32,083 You'll need a new home. Why not here? 909 00:44:32,625 --> 00:44:34,541 Justice Strauss wants us to live with her. 910 00:44:34,625 --> 00:44:36,375 She promised to keep us safe. 911 00:44:36,458 --> 00:44:37,625 And I'm sure she would. 912 00:44:38,166 --> 00:44:39,791 But you're not children anymore. 913 00:44:40,000 --> 00:44:41,833 Is a safe life really enough? 914 00:44:44,208 --> 00:44:46,875 Before we answer, there's one secret we want to know. 915 00:44:49,875 --> 00:44:51,166 What's in the sugar bowl? 916 00:44:52,208 --> 00:44:53,041 Ah! 917 00:44:53,125 --> 00:44:54,500 An interesting question. 918 00:44:55,791 --> 00:44:57,250 I searched the hotel for you orphans, 919 00:44:57,333 --> 00:45:00,125 which wasn't easy because it's very poorly organized, 920 00:45:00,208 --> 00:45:01,791 but you're in my clutches at last. 921 00:45:01,875 --> 00:45:04,208 It's not poorly organized. It's arranged like a library catalog. 922 00:45:04,291 --> 00:45:06,791 We're not in your clutches. We're standing at the edge of a pond. 923 00:45:06,875 --> 00:45:08,541 That's what you think. 924 00:45:08,625 --> 00:45:11,500 I'm afraid the man next to you is one of my associates. 925 00:45:11,583 --> 00:45:13,208 Hand them over, Ernest. 926 00:45:13,291 --> 00:45:14,375 Oh, I'm not Ernest. 927 00:45:15,166 --> 00:45:17,416 Well, then, hand them over, Frank. 928 00:45:17,500 --> 00:45:20,458 You might want to consider doing your hair different so I can tell you apart. 929 00:45:20,541 --> 00:45:21,958 I'm not Frank either. 930 00:45:22,041 --> 00:45:23,916 What, what? Well, you can't be Dewey. 931 00:45:24,000 --> 00:45:26,541 He's a myth, like unicorns or Giuseppe Verdi. 932 00:45:26,625 --> 00:45:28,708 Giuseppe Verdi is real. He's an Italian composer. 933 00:45:28,791 --> 00:45:32,125 You're outnumbered, Olaf. This hotel is full of volunteers who arrived early, 934 00:45:32,208 --> 00:45:33,458 as noble people do, 935 00:45:33,541 --> 00:45:36,291 while your accomplices, being wicked, will arrive late. 936 00:45:36,958 --> 00:45:39,250 [Esmé] Of course we will. Being early is "out." 937 00:45:39,333 --> 00:45:41,041 That's why they call it fashionably late. 938 00:45:41,125 --> 00:45:43,791 Who wants to see me hit a cakesniffer with a harpoon? 939 00:45:43,875 --> 00:45:46,458 Don't wave that around, child. It's dangerous. 940 00:45:46,541 --> 00:45:47,791 But I need to practice. 941 00:45:47,875 --> 00:45:50,208 If I hit a crow, you promised to teach me how to spit 942 00:45:50,291 --> 00:45:52,875 like a real ballplaying cowboy superhero soldier pirate! 943 00:45:52,958 --> 00:45:54,583 Esmé Squalor and Carmelita Spats. 944 00:45:54,666 --> 00:45:57,250 My library is full of accounts of your treachery. 945 00:45:57,333 --> 00:45:59,875 Library? I'm beginning to think you are Giuseppi Verdi. 946 00:45:59,958 --> 00:46:01,583 You mean Dewey Denouement. 947 00:46:03,333 --> 00:46:04,833 Dewey Denouement? 948 00:46:04,916 --> 00:46:08,125 Like the unicorn? How exquisite. 949 00:46:08,625 --> 00:46:11,000 I do hope you're coming to my cocktail party. 950 00:46:11,083 --> 00:46:12,791 We're serving mushrooms. 951 00:46:12,875 --> 00:46:14,125 She means the Medusoid Mycelium. 952 00:46:14,208 --> 00:46:16,500 That's their plan, to poison everybody at the party! 953 00:46:16,916 --> 00:46:18,416 With V.F.D. out of the way, 954 00:46:18,500 --> 00:46:20,416 I'll be able to steal the Baudelaire fortune 955 00:46:20,500 --> 00:46:22,041 and anything else I feel like taking. 956 00:46:22,125 --> 00:46:24,791 You would never unleash the Mycelium. Not without the sugar bowl. 957 00:46:24,875 --> 00:46:26,583 [Esmé] Funny you should mention that. 958 00:46:26,666 --> 00:46:27,625 Once we shoot that crow, 959 00:46:27,708 --> 00:46:29,791 we'll retrieve the sugar bowl from the laundry room. 960 00:46:29,875 --> 00:46:34,333 Only problem is some pesky volunteer put a V.F.D. lock on the door. 961 00:46:34,416 --> 00:46:35,791 You're a capable woman, Esmé. 962 00:46:35,875 --> 00:46:38,500 You could be doing so much more than playing second fiddle 963 00:46:38,583 --> 00:46:42,875 in the last chair in the back row of a thirdrate orchestra for Count Olaf. 964 00:46:44,166 --> 00:46:45,541 I'm second to nobody. 965 00:46:46,458 --> 00:46:49,791 Now, if you're really Dewey Denouement, you know all about the sugar bowl. 966 00:46:49,875 --> 00:46:51,916 You know what's inside and how important it is, 967 00:46:52,000 --> 00:46:53,583 and you know that it is mine. 968 00:46:53,666 --> 00:46:55,583 The container is yours, not what it contains. 969 00:46:55,666 --> 00:46:57,541 Beatrice stole it from me! 970 00:46:57,625 --> 00:46:59,541 There are worse things in this world than theft. 971 00:46:59,625 --> 00:47:00,833 [Olaf] There certainly are. 972 00:47:00,916 --> 00:47:04,416 Give us the codes to the lock, or this little girl will harpoon you. 973 00:47:04,500 --> 00:47:07,208 I'm not shooting any harpoons until Countie teaches me to spit! 974 00:47:08,291 --> 00:47:12,250 You will do as I say. I already bought you that ridiculous outfit. 975 00:47:12,333 --> 00:47:13,166 Teach me to spit! 976 00:47:13,250 --> 00:47:14,250 [growls] 977 00:47:14,333 --> 00:47:15,666 Teach me to spit! 978 00:47:15,750 --> 00:47:16,916 Shoot the harpoon! 979 00:47:17,000 --> 00:47:17,875 Teach me to spit! 980 00:47:17,958 --> 00:47:20,458 Shoot the harpoon! Teach me to spit! 981 00:47:20,541 --> 00:47:24,916 I will never teach you to spit as long as I can breathe! 982 00:47:25,791 --> 00:47:26,625 Ha! 983 00:47:30,166 --> 00:47:32,291 You apologize to our darling little girl! 984 00:47:32,375 --> 00:47:35,791 She is not a darling little girl. She is a spoiled brat! 985 00:47:35,875 --> 00:47:38,541 I am tired of pretending to be a family, 986 00:47:38,625 --> 00:47:43,083 and I am tired of a girlfriend who undermines my authority! 987 00:47:43,166 --> 00:47:46,000 You would have our fortune if it weren't for Esmé. 988 00:47:46,083 --> 00:47:46,958 You stay out of this! 989 00:47:47,041 --> 00:47:49,166 If it wasn't for her, you'd be rich and we'd be dead. 990 00:47:49,250 --> 00:47:51,458 Yeah, those brats have a point. I would be rich. 991 00:47:51,541 --> 00:47:52,500 They would be dead. 992 00:47:52,583 --> 00:47:54,708 You've never cared about me, Esmé. 993 00:47:54,791 --> 00:47:57,125 All you care about is the sugar bowl, 994 00:47:57,208 --> 00:48:00,708 free acting lessons, and what's "in" and what is "out"! 995 00:48:00,791 --> 00:48:02,583 Oh, I'll tell you what's "in" and what's "out." 996 00:48:02,666 --> 00:48:04,125 Being constantly unappreciated 997 00:48:04,208 --> 00:48:06,791 by a man whose pant leg doesn't even cover his ankle. 998 00:48:06,875 --> 00:48:08,500 "Out!" Being stuck playing second-banana 999 00:48:08,583 --> 00:48:11,583 in a series of increasingly ludicrous schemes in increasingly remote locations. 1000 00:48:11,666 --> 00:48:13,875 Extremely "out"! 1001 00:48:13,958 --> 00:48:15,625 I think you're gonna love this one, darling. 1002 00:48:15,708 --> 00:48:17,791 Losing time and again to three children. 1003 00:48:17,875 --> 00:48:20,125 Look at them. They're not even old enough to rent a tuxedo, 1004 00:48:20,208 --> 00:48:22,500 and yet, they beat you every time! 1005 00:48:22,583 --> 00:48:24,958 That is the "outtest" thing of all! 1006 00:48:27,291 --> 00:48:28,208 Esmé... 1007 00:48:28,958 --> 00:48:30,166 you're fired. 1008 00:48:30,250 --> 00:48:31,291 [scoffs] 1009 00:48:31,375 --> 00:48:32,958 And I'm breaking up with you. 1010 00:48:33,041 --> 00:48:34,458 You can't break up with me. 1011 00:48:34,833 --> 00:48:37,375 No one has ever done that before. 1012 00:48:37,458 --> 00:48:39,416 That's what makes it so satisfying. 1013 00:48:42,916 --> 00:48:43,750 You... 1014 00:48:47,375 --> 00:48:49,083 really want me out of your life? 1015 00:48:51,041 --> 00:48:55,458 To... ta... lly. 1016 00:48:59,375 --> 00:49:02,208 [frog croaking] 1017 00:49:02,791 --> 00:49:07,750 You haven't heard the last of Esmé Gigi Genivive Squalor. 1018 00:49:07,833 --> 00:49:08,958 Come on, darling. 1019 00:49:09,041 --> 00:49:11,583 Is Countie not my daddy anymore? He's not mine either, pet. 1020 00:49:11,666 --> 00:49:13,916 Baudelaires... Going somewhere? 1021 00:49:14,000 --> 00:49:16,125 Olaf, put the gun down. You've lost your associates. 1022 00:49:16,208 --> 00:49:17,625 I never needed them anyway. 1023 00:49:17,708 --> 00:49:19,708 All I need is the Baudelaire fortune 1024 00:49:19,791 --> 00:49:22,416 and the three phrases to open the V.F.D. lock. 1025 00:49:22,500 --> 00:49:25,833 Even if you open it, you'll find nothing in the laundry room except laundry. 1026 00:49:25,916 --> 00:49:26,875 The lock is a decoy. 1027 00:49:26,958 --> 00:49:27,791 [snorts] 1028 00:49:27,875 --> 00:49:30,208 I may have a handsome and youthful glow, 1029 00:49:30,291 --> 00:49:31,916 but I wasn't born yesterday. 1030 00:49:32,416 --> 00:49:35,083 I'll give you until the count of ten. 1031 00:49:35,541 --> 00:49:36,708 One... 1032 00:49:37,916 --> 00:49:39,208 -Two... -If you want to shoot him, 1033 00:49:39,291 --> 00:49:41,708 -you'll have to shoot me! -I can live with that. Three... 1034 00:49:41,791 --> 00:49:42,875 You'll have to shoot me too. 1035 00:49:42,958 --> 00:49:45,166 You're sweetening the pot. Four! Baudelaires... 1036 00:49:45,250 --> 00:49:47,291 If he shoots us, he'll never get the Baudelaire fortune. 1037 00:49:47,375 --> 00:49:50,041 There's still the baby. Five! 1038 00:49:55,958 --> 00:49:58,875 You have a choice. You can choose not to pull that trigger. 1039 00:49:58,958 --> 00:50:01,875 Yes, and you can choose death by harpoon. Six! 1040 00:50:03,833 --> 00:50:04,750 Seven! 1041 00:50:08,375 --> 00:50:09,208 Eight! 1042 00:50:15,416 --> 00:50:16,458 Uh... 1043 00:50:16,541 --> 00:50:17,375 nine. 1044 00:50:17,458 --> 00:50:19,333 You don't have to do this. 1045 00:50:21,333 --> 00:50:22,166 [sighs] 1046 00:50:24,250 --> 00:50:25,916 It's all I know how to do. 1047 00:50:31,166 --> 00:50:32,000 [coughing] 1048 00:50:32,083 --> 00:50:33,708 What's going on out here? 1049 00:50:42,166 --> 00:50:43,375 [gasps] 1050 00:50:43,458 --> 00:50:44,958 Good God, that man's been shot! 1051 00:50:45,041 --> 00:50:48,000 [Lemony] There is an opera called La Forza del Destino 1052 00:50:48,083 --> 00:50:50,333 written by a composer named Giuseppe Verdi. 1053 00:50:50,416 --> 00:50:55,458 "La forza del destino" is an Italian phrase meaning "the force of destiny," 1054 00:50:55,541 --> 00:50:59,791 and destiny is a word which tends to cause arguments among the people who use it. 1055 00:50:59,875 --> 00:51:03,666 Some people think that destiny is something that you cannot escape, 1056 00:51:03,750 --> 00:51:06,000 like death or curdled cheesecake. 1057 00:51:06,083 --> 00:51:09,125 Other people think that destiny is an invisible force 1058 00:51:09,208 --> 00:51:11,458 that guides people through their lives, 1059 00:51:11,541 --> 00:51:15,958 as if they are simply characters in an opera. 1060 00:51:21,333 --> 00:51:24,125 In the opera La Forza del Destino, 1061 00:51:24,208 --> 00:51:26,333 the characters argue, fall in love, 1062 00:51:26,416 --> 00:51:29,291 run away to monasteries, engage in duels, 1063 00:51:29,375 --> 00:51:31,125 and drop a gun on the floor, 1064 00:51:31,583 --> 00:51:34,208 where it accidentally goes off and kills someone. 1065 00:51:36,625 --> 00:51:38,208 The opera is a tragedy, 1066 00:51:38,291 --> 00:51:40,875 and so is the story of the Baudelaires, 1067 00:51:40,958 --> 00:51:44,250 who were about to experience a similar incident. 1068 00:51:44,625 --> 00:51:46,750 I said, good God, that man's been shot! 1069 00:51:46,833 --> 00:51:48,125 [panting] 1070 00:51:52,458 --> 00:51:53,291 Kit... 1071 00:51:53,375 --> 00:51:54,500 Dewey! Dewey! 1072 00:52:04,375 --> 00:52:07,041 The consequences would ripple through their lives... 1073 00:52:07,583 --> 00:52:08,958 like water in a pond. 1074 00:52:17,666 --> 00:52:18,500 What do we do? 1075 00:52:18,583 --> 00:52:20,666 Baudelaires, you just shot that man with a harpoon gun, 1076 00:52:20,750 --> 00:52:23,250 along with that other man who I didn't get a really good look at. 1077 00:52:23,333 --> 00:52:25,875 You're going to wait right here until I get the manager. 1078 00:52:26,500 --> 00:52:28,000 That was the manager. 1079 00:52:28,708 --> 00:52:29,958 [man] Hey, what's going on? 1080 00:52:30,041 --> 00:52:32,541 -[boy] What was that racket? -[man] What's going on down there? 1081 00:52:33,333 --> 00:52:34,291 The sugar bowl. 1082 00:52:34,375 --> 00:52:36,625 [birds cawing] 1083 00:52:39,458 --> 00:52:40,291 Kit... 1084 00:52:46,708 --> 00:52:50,333 Violet, Klaus, and Sunny Baudelaire. 1085 00:52:53,166 --> 00:52:54,791 My name is Lemony Snicket. 1086 00:53:06,208 --> 00:53:08,583 [theme music playing]