Panono, Panini, Panonino, Panini
An adventure with Panono, the friendly druid.
Hello, Panono. How are you today?
I'm doing great, big yellow man floating in the sky.
But where is Mrs. Tree?
I don't know.
Let's call Mrs. Tree.
- Mrs. Tree! - Mrs. Tree!
But that's not Mrs. Tree!
No, that's Oink-Oink.
Hello, Oink-Oink. How are you?
Yes, but you know what ducks are like.
Have you seen Mrs. Tree?
What? She's sad and doesn't want to see anyone?
What can we do?
Good idea, Oink-Oink.
Let's call her and sing her a song.
Mrs. Tree, all is well
Come on, sing with your friends
We feel good, it's warm and sunny
We feel good in Panono's country
Yes!
Mrs. Tree, all is well Come on, sing with your friends
We feel good, it's warm and sunny
We feel good in Panono's country
- Yes! - Mrs. Tree--
He's still not okay.
No.
It's not great to stare at the sun for that long, is it?
No, there's no risk.
ASTERIX & OBELIX: THE BIG FIGHT
Come to Panono's country
We feel good…
Maybe he ate something heavy for lunch.
Yes, like a menhir, for example?
- Menhirs aren't heavy. - Come on, let him rest.
My dear friends, this is serious.
Panoramix is still unconscious, and we've run out of his magic potion.
But rest assured,
once he's better, he'll make some more and we'll be invincible once again.
Anyway, it's fine. There's no imminent threat.
What's that?
Cassius Ceramix.
Still cozying up to the Romans?
That kid really went astray.
Those Gallo-Romans keep coming back for more.
Always Gallovanting back in.
Still as lousy as ever here.
- Hail. - Hi.
Vitalstatistix! I hereby challenge you to The Big Fight.
Our laws state the winner becomes chief of the loser's tribe.
I know how The Big Fight works.
But do you really want to fight a fellow Gaul?
I'm Gallo-Roman.
AKA traitor.
No, more like, "gently influenced."
Enough talk already!
We'll meet at the next full moon.
The next full moon?
- But that's in-- - Exactly.
Come on, hail!
I'm turning my back on you, future loser.
Me, not you! All of us together makes a full turn.
Hello, everyone!
But… Panoramix?
Hey, Fabrice,
what's with the outfit?
Did you come as Super Lizard?
Turn around, quick!
Us or you?
Don't make me come down there! Go, go, go!
Panoramix, how do you feel?
Not great, Kimberly. Stocks fell 100 points yesterday.
- That's worrying. - Yes, 100 points is a lot.
Obelix, go into the druid's hut.
Grab a pot and all the ingredients you can find.
Let's see if he can still make the magic potion.
No, I'm telling you, the parking lot needs to be bigger.
We can clear more forest to do it.
Haven't we cut down enough trees?
I know, but there'll be horses, cattle, Hannibal and his elephants.
They need a place to park. We're doing this for the animals.
Whoa!
Isn't this all a bit much for just two guys fighting?
No, Potus, it's not just two guys fighting.
It's Caesar's triumph, so we have to welcome him accordingly.
What? Caesar's coming here?
Yes, he arrives tonight.
- Wait, as in Caesar Caesar? - Yes.
- As in tonight tonight? - Or tomorrow. I don't know, I'm busy.
Let's check Cleopatra's box.
As in Cleopatra Cleopatra?
Potus! Can I have a word? We have a big problem.
Hail me, at least.
- The druid is alive! - What?
Impossible.
- He was crushed by a menhir. - Well, not anymore.
He's in great shape. He's even cracking jokes.
What a painium. Okay, I'll go handle it.
You go and train.
I'd rather go home.
I didn't come here to be on the losing side.
Okay, so now what do I do?
Well, put some ingredients in the pot. Make the potion.
All right, I'll do it. Isn't she a feisty one?
Here we go.
Some of this.
Some of that.
Almost done.
- Okay. - It's coming back to him.
Another try?
- How fun. - We'll need more pots.
What are they-- Ouch!
Ouch. Darn. Ow.
No, no, no!
Ouch. Ow. Ouch.
I'm sorry, gentlemen, but this one didn't go boom.
Maybe it's the right one then.
I'll taste it. Seeing as this is my fault.
No, Obelix.
It's not even the magic potion.
It's my duty, as chief, to test it.
But if you go boom,
Cassius Ceramix wins without a fight.
No, the taster should be…
Ouch.
- Him. - Ow.
Ouch.
Thanks, I'm suffocating in here.
Come on.
- Is that you, Dragibus? - No.
- Lastofus? - No.
- Hazanavicius? - No.
- BigNotorius? - No.
- Beetlejus? - No. It's Obelix.
And the pup is Dogmatix.
Those don't end in "us."
- Because this is a Gaulish village. - Oh no.
Now get out.
No, I know what you guys are like. You'll hit me.
At least I'm safe in here.
Get out or I'll shake you out!
I knew you'd hit me. You can't be trusted.
We only want to offer you some soup.
- Is that all? - That's all.
Here, taste it.
Very good. My compliments to the chef.
Well, I'll leave you to it.
I'm sure you're very busy.
So I'll get going.
What have you done to me?
Still not right.
He's all green. How'd you do that?
Don't worry, Roman.
We'll fix it.
"BY JUPITER, WHAT'S HAPPENING TO ME?!"
I'm right here.
- Here. - Okay. Here you go.
Not even close.
I kind of like it.
Nice color-grading.
Enough!
I want my youthful glow back. The one I had on the Appian Way.
Okay, one last try and we'll leave you alone?
Finally, I'm fair, rosy, and smooth again.
The magic potion?
Maybe. How do you feel?
Good, very good. I feel light.
Very light.
- He's flying away. - Catch him!
Catch me!
There you go!
So, the bad news is the druid's alive.
- What? - Really? Did you see him?
Yes, but the good news is he's gone crazy, totally nuts.
He can't remember the magic potion recipe.
He can only make you change color or fly.
Are you sure?
I don't know. What do you think?
Excellent.
We regain the upper hand.
What is he doing?
I'm coming. I was just warming up.
Let's go. One, two, one, two.
Come on, you're slacking. Step it up!
- What the… Get down! - What?
Get down from that shield, by Taranis!
You'll be fighting, not your bearers.
One, two, one, two, come on! Knees up, come on!
Keep your balance.
One, two, one, two, come on!
He's slacking.
Yeah, he needs to step it up.
Come on, let's move!
To think he'd usually whip up a potion to cure himself.
Potions can't fix everything.
True.
But didn't you say Panoramix had a friend who could heal without potions?
That's right, Apothika!
Oh no. Not that head doctor again.
The druid got hit on the head, so we do need a head doctor.
Come on, cardio time.
Apothika lives a few hours away. Let's try.
She's right. Let's look for Apothika.
You can discuss your dietary issues with her too.
Peddy, I don't have any dietary issues.
All right? Now, if you'll excuse me,
I have a village to save.
- All right, fine. You go, Obelix. - What?
Yes, chief!
Excuse me, but I can go instead.
I'm usually the one who…
Yes, but this time, the chief chose me.
Yes, I'd rather have you in the village near us, Asterix.
Isn't that too much responsibility for Obelix?
- No, I'll be just fine. - Is that so?
Yes. He said I could go alone. Why do I need you?
Things get out of hand when you're alone, like menhirs, for example.
- Is that so? - It would be wiser if I went instead.
To take all the credit, as usual.
- Oh yeah? - Yeah.
- Well, no. - No?
- You, no. - You, no.
- Me, yes. - You or me?
- Me, yeah! - Me, yeah!
- Hey, guys!
You're giving me a headache.
Go together! Your chief has spoken.
Engage your core!
Hang in there. Come on.
One down!
Lunch break?
Try to hit me.
No, too slow. Come on!
You're slacking!
Things are looking up.
They sure are.
I usually see the amphora half-empty, but from up here, things don't seem…
too bad.
This is unbelievable. Watch your right! Focus on the fight.
The guy's a brute.
He'll crush you!
Can we pick this up again tomorrow?
What are you saying?
There is no tomorrow!
There is no more tomorrow!
I wonder if bats are good to eat.
Seriously, Obelix?
We're here to look for a healer, not eat bats!
Terrible idea, by the way.
Does he think he's a wild boar?
That Gaul is crazy!
It's a good sign. We must be close.
He made me hungry.
Please do come in.
Please be seated.
And please excuse my accent.
I'm a Goth.
Does the guy who just left no longer think he's a wild boar?
He does, but I taught him to sit up and beg.
It's less obvious.
So what brings you here?
- Panoramix is… - Our chief sent me…
Hold on a second, please.
One at a time.
Your pal Panoramix is sick and we're out of magic potion, so--
Asterix does the talking again.
- We don't have time. - No, it's fine.
The chief sends me, but Asterix talks.
He always speaks for the two of us.
You don't mind me doing it when you're giving a speech.
So only when it suits you.
Let's not argue in public.
Your friend Panoramix has lost his mind because Obelix threw a menhir on--
Of course, it's always Obelix's fault.
Was it my fault I fell into the pot?
We're here because of you.
Asterix, don't get caught up in fault-finding.
- I'm not fault-finding. - You are.
It shuts down dialogue.
See? You're shutting down dialogue.
Fine. Sorry for having an opinion.
Right.
Let's try a little role playing.
- You are Asterix. - No, I'm Obelix, and he's Asterix.
I know, but just pretend you are.
- It's a game. - Right.
Describe yourself as if you were Asterix.
As if I were…
Okay.
So, I'm Asterix,
and I'm the smartest warrior in the village.
I'm just so perfect.
I barely eat, unlike Obelix, my greedy sidekick.
Interesting.
- Continue. - No. It's not interesting. Stop.
We're here for one reason only.
Asterix, you talk about reason, but what is reasonable?
Maybe letting go of control is the reasonable choice.
Let go of control? I'd love to.
I'd love to let go.
I'd love for my only concern to be about eating bats.
Except I can't.
Because who always has to be the bad guy?
Yours trulix. It's Asterix who always says, "Look out,"
who finds solutions,
and who says, "Keep going!"
Without Asterix, nothing would get done!
That's the issue!
Good.
How do you feel?
Better!
Better.
Apothika, Panoramix needs you.
We all need you.
That makes me very happy, Obelix.
Okay.
So, are we going, or what?
Metadata!
Oh no, Metadata!
What was your village originally like?
Ugly.
Thatched roofs, no columns, no aqueduct.
- Authentic, then? - Ugly.
Metadata, Caesar's here.
There are so many people and horses.
It'll be cramped. We should've cleared more trees.
- I did say. - As in Caesar Caesar?
"Cut down more trees!"
Oh no.
No, I'm okay. I'll manage.
A two-week trip to see hicks who can't cook pasta.
Not the birthday I'd imagined.
Hail, Caesar. Hello, ma'am.
- Yes, hello. - Pleasant journey?
A bit of a jam up at Lugdunum, but nothing major.
Hail, Caesar!
So, this is our champion, Cassius Ceramix.
You're taller than on the coins.
How's the fight looking, Manygiga?
It's Metadata.
And it's looking good.
Will you succeed where my best men have failed?
I wouldn't be surprised.
I always wanted a girl.
I had to re-mosaic your room when you were born.
It took me three weeks.
Okay then, Sylvain.
Swing by mid-week, and I'll see if I can fit you in.
Oh man, what happened to you?
Don't you recognize me?
I'm Apothika, your old friend.
Pano? Do you remember me, Pano?
Oh God. Interesting.
Okay then. So how did he lose his mind?
A menhir fell on him. Like this.
Obelix, I can't believe it!
- What? I answered her question. - Not like that!
Get her out.
Are you okay?
Quack-quack.
See? She's fine.
ASTERIX & OBELIX: THE BIG FIGHT
Subtitle translation by: James Preston