Fastanfurius. Sit aprum lupus.
"Lupus"? What does that mean?
I took Greek as my second language.
- Get on with it. - Ah, right.
Legion, take your positions!
ASTERIX & OBELIX: THE BIG FIGHT
I hereby declare the winner of the Big Fight to be
Cassius Ceramix!
Cassius! Cassius! Cassius! Cassius!
Cassius, yeah!
Cass…
ius!
Caesar! This is all for you!
Caesar, I love you!
The Big Fight? More like the Losers' Fight!
Yeah, it is pretty pathetic.
Not a drop of blood, broken bone, or gouged-out eye.
- A terrible example for our kids. - What kind of world are we leaving them?
Oh yes, I couldn't agree more. Don't get me started.
More! More fighting!
More fighting!
That's mine, old man.
Getafix!
- Ah! Some action by the podium. - Right, one little slap.
Whoa! Viewer discretion is advised.
- Four-leaf clover. - Capture him!
- He's waking up. - Recognize me?
Getafix?
We feel good in Panono's country
Getafix, are you okay?
Yes, Asterix, thanks. A little dizzy, but I'm fine.
That's good. Wait, did you just call me "Asterix"?
- Getafix, you're cured! - Into position!
This way.
Now, it's time for the shield ceremony!
We must act fast.
There's nothing left to do. We have to surrender. It's the law.
Obelix lost.
Yeah!
I'm everyone's chief now!
No. Not everyone's.
Your attention, please.
The mighty Julius Caesar will now address you.
Thank you.
Today, my beloved people, is a historic day.
Today, the last Gallic village has fallen.
I'm the worst chief in Gaul's history.
Today, Rome has won.
- Yeah. - Today, Gaul is entirely occupied.
Entirely? Not quite!
One Gaul holds out. Me! Gaul is not entirely occupied.
What are you talking about? You're a Roman now.
Accept your defeat. Your chief lost.
No, Julius, because he's not my chief.
Obelix banished me before the fight.
And that was the best decision you've made as chief, my friend.
Oh, please. Enough with the cheese-fest already.
Why not shower each other with petals too, while you're at it?
I am the last indomitable Gaul.
I am Asterix the Gaul!
It's never-ending.
What now? Why are they booing?
There was no fight and they want a show. First no bread, and now no circus…
We'll reduce this arena to ruins!
Okay, they want a show?
They'll get one.
You want a show?
Yeah!
- I can't hear you. Do you want a show? - Yeah!
Louder!
Yeah!
Then so be it.
The fire squad will now set things ablaze.
I repeat, the fire squad. Thank you.
Fire.
- My village! - My village!
No, Julius. Breaking the rules changes everything.
Oh, yeah.
But why? You won. Why burn it all down? That's stupid.
Hey! The Big Fight was all your idea, okay?
It was never to destroy everything!
Oh, of course. That's what we should've done.
Knock on the Gauls' hut doors and say, "Hello, we're invading, don't mind us".
Get your head out of your papyrus. This is war.
So pick a side.
Us or the barbarians.
Well, finally. This evening just got interesting.
Spectacular, sure, but not exactly legal.
These days, you can't massacre anyone without sparking outrage.
Caesar, you're breaking Gaulish laws.
Here's what I make of your laws.
My fish shop!
Deal with this fool.
With pleasure. Potus, come with me.
That smells good.
More like burned fish. And not fresh either.
Up you go!
I have a riddle for you, Gaul.
What do you call a potionless indomitable Gaul?
I don't know. I guess, a domitable Gaul?
Everything's fine, kids.
Are you ready?
Halt, Gaul!
Follow us. And no funny business.
Leave him to me! He's my prisoner.
You… go stop the catapults firing.
That's not what Fastanfurius told us.
Caesar's orders.
All right, let's go!
Mileycirus, stay and help her.
- We'll take that one. - I don't like those rides.
I actually prefer the coconut shy, hook-a-duck…
No, no, no…
No!
- Hey, look over there. - What?
Over there, look.
What are you doing, Roman?
I'm picking my side. Follow me.
My dear friends, another fight awaits us.
One with no magic potion, in which we must stand united!
Because the Big Fight is you.
It's you. It's you.
You, you, and you!
So let's show these Romans that the real chiefs
are us!
- Come on! - Let's go!
You'll see!
Reinforcements requested at the centre of the arena
due to a Gallic rebellion. Thank you.
Let me through.
But where are you going, Tenmillionviews?
My name is Tenmillionclix.
For Gaul!
Traitor.
Even the women are getting involved. That's equality for you. Happy now?
It's a Roman world No, Gallic it is not
Clap your hands, you must Respect all of our laws
To think I believed in this.
Not an Egyptian world
Nor Greek or African It's just a world that's pure Roman
In this Roman world Oh wow, it is so nice
A wonderful world No nothing can compare
And if you don't like this…
No, Dogmatix.
I only ever make things worse.
Now that's what I call a good old-fashioned fight!
It's hot under there.
Is that the magic potion?
Metadata, the secrets of druid's recipes are passed down…
From one druid's mouth to another's ears. I know. I'll leave you to it.
- What was that? - The magic potion.
Their druid's making it!
Getafix.
To the village!
Asterix!
Follow Obelix! To the catapult!
Quack, quack.
Come on! Quick!
Coming through!
You okay?
Where am I?
What's going on here?
It's a Roman world…
No, Obelix.
Clap your hands, you must Respect all of our laws
Excuse me, please, coming through.
How'd they beat us to it?
We took the Roman World boats down the river.
We got our sandals soaked but we got here faster than you.
And the ride's pretty fun. I've been on it twice. Have you?
I'd recommend it if you have the time.
- Potus! - Yes, I'm coming.
It's great.
Who will get to try out this potion first?
Potus!
Why always me?
Drink.
Wow!
- I think it's the real deal. - Go check.
Go check over there?
Oh, boy. I'm so done.
It's always the same. I always have to do everything.
The Gauls and their potions…
Look, I'm sorry. I'm just following orders.
Nice.
- Obelix! - The real deal.
You just wait.
I mean, come on.
Legion, potion!
Sorry, but what's the plan exactly? We all drink from the same ladle?
Obelix, behind you! Watch out!
Legion, in position!
All or nothing.
Show them who's truly indomitable.
And let's fight to the very end.
Gauls!
Assemble.
Charge!
What the…
Wow.
All righty, then. Holy cow.
What's happening, by Jupiter?!
It's that other potion that makes you fly and change colour!
A mix of all three, you could say.
I'm shining.
That's a first.
You scoundrel.
I'll tell everyone in Rome you betrayed us!
Be my guest.
- No. - It's that way. Ciao!
No!
Wow. They sure know how to put on a show.
That's Armoricans for you.
It's so beautiful, my son.
Happy birthday, Mummy.
Thank you, my son.
Pompey's mum would be so lucky.
Bravo, Getafix!
Friends, I couldn't have done it without her.
Well, thank you, Roman.
Metadata.
Asterix.
Put out the fire.
I still have one last thing to do.
The Gauls! The Gauls!
The Gauls!
Gauls!
Why are you with those barbarians, Wikipedia?
These "barbarians," as you call them, may be loud,
grumpy, undisciplined, and maybe not the hottest on hygiene,
but they don't force their tastes, gods, or way of life on anyone.
And for the last time, my name is Metadata!
She's a feisty one.
Which one of you is the chief?
Me.
But, actually, it's him.
Gauls, I could destroy you all.
Oh, yeah?
You and what army?
But you've entertained my people.
You deserve to live.
And since such is Caesar's generosity…
I grant you mercy!
We'll need to improve this "like" or "dislike" system.
Coming, Mummy?
Why stop now? There were fires, fights, crying kids, and bloodshed.
Everything for a perfect evening! Why stop now?
Well.
What a day.
So…
Since he spared you,
let's just say we're even now.
After all, us Gauls should stick together,
right?
Hey, no hard feelings.
Plenty.
Long live Vitalstatistix, our chief!
That's it, Blackangus! Now, a traditional Gallic banquet
to bring this story to a close.
That's right, Hannabarbera. Dancing and feasting.
You have to admit, these Gauls sure know how to live.
Excuse me, do we really need a running commentary on everything?
Could this urge to narrate be an attempt to escape reality?
To avoid taking charge of your own life, perhaps?
Good evening, ma'am.
That's why, as long as I can remember, I've been into Gallic culture.
To thank you, Metadata, I'll let you in on a secret
passed down from one druid's mouth to another's ears.
- Really? - Yes.
If you reheat it the next day, your stew will taste much better.
May I have some more ale? Thank you.
Offerings, offerings, offerings!
- Offerings! - Yes, all right, all right.
I think I know who this is from.
- A speech! - A speech, Obelix!
A speech, Obelix!
- Obelix! - A speech.
Can't hear you.
This menhir…
is for you, chief.
It's for you, Impedimenta.
It's for you, Cacofonix. And for you, Fulliautomatix.
It's for you, Bacteria and Unhygienix.
And for you, my friend, Asterix.
I'm glad you're back in our village.
And yes, it's for you too, Dogmatix.
This menhir, my friends, is for each and every one of us.
Because it's like our unity. It's like our village.
Solid as a rock!
Yeah!
Asterix, anything to add?
Then we're done.
And so this grand adventure comes to an end.
And as always,
all the tribe feasted until the early hours.
All?
Well, not quite.
Your veggie patch stew was delicious, my little Piggywiggy.
Thank you, Pidiped. Sure you don't want to go to Lutetia?
We'll see tomorrow.
How about a quiet night in?
Yeah. Okay.
So, Netflix, where were we?
Previously…
No, skip recap.
Tudum!
ASTERIX & OBELIX: THE BIG FIGHT
Subtitle translation by: James Preston
MISSION VEGGIE PATCH