[high-pitched ringing]
[horn blares distantly]
[horn blares]
[crowd cheering]
Fastanfurius. Sit aprum lupus.
Er, "lupus"? Erm, what is that?
Because I studied Greek at school.
[sighs] Get on with it.
Oh, yeah! [clears throat]
[shouting] Legion, now march!
[ominous music plays]
[rhythmic stomping]
[blades clanking]
[Gauls gasp]
[music crescendos]
[gasps]
[music fades]
And the winner of this year's Big Fight
is Cassius Ceramix!
[crowd cheers]
[crowd chants] Cassius! Cassius! Cassius! Cassius!
[yells]
- [exclaims] - [chanting continues]
Caesar!
I won this victory for you!
Caesar, I love you!
Is that the Big Fight then? It's more like the Battle of the Losers!
Yeah, it certainly is a let-down.
No blows, no spilt blood, no fractures, no gouged eyeballs.
What example are we setting children?
Mmm. And what world are we leaving them?
What world, exactly! I agree wholeheartedly.
Don't get me started.
[audience clamouring]
[grunts]
[laughs] Again!
More fighting! More brawling!
We want The Big Fight!
- It's my shield, Grandad! - No, it isn't!
- [grunts] - [audience exclaims]
Getafix!
Oh! It's all kicking off on the podium down there.
Yeah, you're right. Look at that slap.
Wow, not for the faint-hearted. Avert your eyes.
[gentle magical music plays]
- [Getafix] Four-leaf clover… - [soldier] Capture him!
- Shh, he's awake. - Do you know me?
Getafix…
♪ We feel glad in the home of Panono ♪
[groans]
Getafix, you okay?
Yes, I am, Asterix, I thank you. A bit stunned, but I'm all right.
Good. That's good.
Hold on. You called me Asterix!
- Getafix, you're cured! - [Fastanfurius] In formation!
Here.
Now it's time for the ceremony of the shields!
[cheering]
[tense classical music plays]
We have to act fast now.
There's nothing we can do, Asterix.
Our tribe must submit, it's the law.
Obelix lost.
[Cassius yells]
[crowd cheers]
I am the chief of you all!
No. Not us all.
[tense music swells]
[suspenseful classical music plays]
[woman on Tannoy] Your attention please.
The great Julius Caesar is now going to say a few words.
Thank you.
- [Obelix] Hmm? - [Caesar] My beloved people…
- [whines] - Today is an historic day.
Today, the last village in Gaul
has fallen.
[sighs]
I'm the worst chief in the whole history of Gaul.
Today, Rome has won.
[chuckles]
Today, all of Gaul is occupied.
[crowd cheers]
[crowd chants] Caesar! Caesar! Caesar!
[Asterix] All? No!
[all gasp]
[Gauls gasp]
[bold defiant music plays]
There's still one Gaul. Me!
All of Gaul is not occupied.
What are you on about? You're a Roman now.
Accept your defeat. Your chief has lost.
No, Julius. Because he's not my chief.
Obelix banished me from the village before the fight.
[Dogmatix whines]
And it's the best decision you took as a chief, my dearest Obelix.
It's all gone to pot. It's so sentimental.
All right! Let's give each other flowers and shower each other in roses, huh?
I am the last indomitable!
I am Asterix the Gaul!
It's interminable.
[crowd jeers]
What now? What are they booing for?
Well, there has been no combat, no spectacle.
First there was no bread, and now, no circuses.
Boo!
We're going to destroy this arena!
All right. So they want a show?
They shall have one.
- Do you want a show? - [all cheer]
I can't hear you, do you want a show?
[all cheer]
- Louder! - [all cheer]
A show, then, is what you'll all see.
- [creaking] - [pressure released]
[ominous classical music plays]
[crowd cheers]
[whirring and clicking]
[clanks]
[woman on Tannoy] The incendiary squadron to proceed to the catapults.
The incendiary squadron. Thank you.
[music swells]
- [music stops] - Fire.
[crowd cheers]
[sad sweeping music plays]
[both] My village!
[Getafix] Oh, no, Julius.
If you don't obey the rules, it changes everything.
[crowd hollers rhythmically]
[laughs]
[both laugh]
[cheering]
[music crescendos]
Yeah, but why?
You won, so why burn down the village? This is stupid.
Hey, whoa. I remind you that the Big Fight was your idea.
It wasn't my idea to set a village on fire!
Ah, but of course.
That's what we should have done.
Rap on the doors of their huts and say, "Hello, Gauls."
"We're invading you, we hope that's okay".
Get your head out from your papyrus, girl!
This is war! So choose which side you're on.
Ours or the barbarians.
[crowd cheers]
Now, that's what I'm talking about. The show's taking a new turn now.
It's getting good.
It's spectacular, though not really conforming to the rules.
Oh, come off it!
What's wrong with a little massacre every now and again, eh?
[crowd hollers]
Caesar, what you're doing is against Gaulish law.
[laughs]
This is what I think of your Gaulish laws.
[catapults clank]
[tense classical music plays]
[all gasp]
My fishmongery!
[growls]
[laughs] Take care of that idiot.
With pleasure.
Potus, come with me.
The smell of victory.
Stinks like grilled fish. And it's rotten too.
[musical arrangement turns dramatic]
[legionaries grunt]
[music continues]
[whimpers nervously]
[laughs]
[legionaries grunt]
I've a riddle I want to put to you, little Gaul.
What do you call an indomitable with no potion?
[children riders exclaim]
Well, maybe you would say he's a… domitable?
[grumbles]
It's all right, no cause for alarm.
[boy] Mmm.
[Asterix] You ready?
[boys scream playfully]
Hmm.
Halt, Gaul! This way.
- No funny stuff. - [whimpers]
[Metadata] Leave him to me!
He's my prisoner, I'll handle it.
You, er, go stop the catapult shooting at the village.
Really? But that's not what Fastanfurius told us…
By order of Caesar!
[both] Okay, let's go!
Mileycirus, stay here and assist.
[boys exclaim]
- Let's take that one. - Oh, no, those rides make me feel ill.
I prefer hook-a-duck or splat the rat…
[screams]
- [growls] - [groans]
[screams]
No, no, no, no!
[screams]
[intriguing classical music plays]
Oh, look over there.
- Huh, what's that? - Over there, look!
- Eh? - [pottery shatters]
- [groans] - Hey. What are you doing, Roman?
I'm choosing my side. Come on!
[children exclaim happily]
[both laugh]
[Potus exclaims nervously]
[children exclaim and laugh]
[grunts]
[bold music plays]
[growls]
[grunts]
[Potus whimpers]
- [laughs menacingly and grunts] - [music swells]
[both grunt]
[music stops]
Children, another fight starts for us.
But without magic potion, we must all fight together in unity!
Because the Big Fight is you.
And you.
It's you, you, you,
and you!
[rousing adventurous music plays]
So let's show these Romans that the real chiefs are us!
Come on!
- [Gauls shout] - [grunts]
[woman on Tannoy] Legionary reinforcements are requested at the centre of the arena
following the Gauls' rebellion. Thank you.
Out the way, let me through!
Where you going? What are you doing, Tenmillionviews?
[grunts] My name is Tenmillionclix!
Long live Gaul!
Traitor.
[rousing adventurous music continues]
[both yell]
[screams]
[grunts]
Even the Gaulish women get stuck in.
Now, that's equality. Apparently, we're all equal now, huh?
[all grunting]
[grunts] Oh!
[all shout]
♪ It's a Roman world ♪
♪ No, Gallic it is not ♪
♪ Clap your hands, you must ♪
♪ Respect all of our laws… ♪
To think I fell for all this.
♪ Not an Egyptian world ♪
♪ Nor Greek or African ♪
♪ It’s just a world that’s pure Roman ♪
♪ In this Roman world ♪
♪ Oh wow, it is so nice ♪
♪ A wonderful world ♪
♪ No, nothing can compare ♪
♪ If you don't like this… ♪
[sweeping sombre music plays]
[Dogmatix whines]
[barking]
No, no, Dogmatix.
Every time I wanna make things better, I just make them worse.
[suspenseful classical music plays]
[barks and whines]
[breathes deeply]
[gasps]
[barks]
[growls]
[music swells]
[deep rumbling]
[Gauls] Huh?
[legionaries scream]
[gasping]
[screaming]
[rousing adventurous music plays]
- [yelling] - [Obelix chuckles]
Here we are, a retro ruckus!
Like the old days, ah!
[breathing heavily]
[muffled heavy breathing]
[soldier screams]
[shouting]
Whoa!
[breathes heavily]
Oh, it's really hot.
[grunts]
[footsteps squeak]
[suspenseful music plays]
[both grunt and exclaim]
[seethes]
- [laughs] - [gasps]
[strains]
[gasps]
Phew.
Hmm?
[screams]
[groans]
[growls]
[grunts and exclaims]
[grunts] Ooh!
- [growls] - [grunts]
[growls]
[fast-paced tense music plays]
[musical arrangement turns gentle and intriguing]
[gasps] Is that magic potion?
Metadata, the secrets of druids' recipes are passed down…
From one druid's mouth to another's ears. I know. I'll go.
[magical musical flourish plays]
[energy pulses]
[bubbling]
[grunts]
[dramatic music plays]
[groans]
[Fastanfurius grunts]
- [growls] - [Potus grunts]
- [energy pulses] - Eh?
[all struggle]
[all gasp]
- What on earth was that? - The magic potion!
Their druid is making magic potion!
Getafix.
- [grunts] - [groans]
[whimpers]
[groans]
[cow lows]
Ah.
To the village!
[yelling]
[inspired dramatic classical music plays]
[crowd cheers]
Asterix!
[grunts]
Stick with Obelix! To the catapult!
Quack-quack?
[yelps]
Hurry, hurry, hurry! Quick, quick, quick!
[chuckles softly]
Watch out, coming through!
[suspenseful musical flourish plays]
[fast-paced adventurous music plays]
Oh!
[grunts]
[music slows]
- You okay? - Mmm.
[groans]
Wo bin ich?
But what's happening here?
[all gasp]
♪ It's a Roman world… ♪
[hums "Roman World" melody]
- [grunts] - Hup!
[clicks tongue]
- Obelix! - [growls]
♪ Clap your hands, you must ♪
♪ Respect all of our laws ♪
Mind out now, if you please.
[Obelix growls]
[chuckles]
How did they get here before us?
Ah, 'cause we went via the Roman World amusement park
and went by river.
That's why we got wet feet. [laughs]
But it also means we got here quicker than you.
The rides there are really very good. I've been twice now.
If you haven't been before, I strongly recommend it.
- If you have time to go later. - Potus!
Er, yeah, I'm coming! It's superb.
[heavy marching]
[tense classical music plays]
[sighs sadly]
[magical musical flourish plays]
Mmm. The time has come to taste the famous magic potion.
[bubbling]
[tense music continues]
[inhales]
Er… Hmm.
Potus.
[flaps lips]
It's always me.
[Fastanfurius] Drink.
[grunts]
[slurps]
[energy crackles]
Wow! I think I can feel it working.
Go and try it out.
Er…
[grumbles]
Er, try it out over there?
- [growls] - [sighs heavily]
Mars, I'm so fed up with all this. It's always the same.
It's always me who has to taste things. I go polka dots, I go green.
Gauls and their potions.
Well, I'm really sorry. Orders.
[groans]
[gasps]
Oh, yeah!
- Obelix! - Success.
[groans and sighs]
[dramatic music plays]
You just wait!
[laughs]
Not bad.
Legion, potion!
[energy crackles]
- [slurps] - [energy crackles]
[Gauls gasp]
- [distant clattering] - Hmm?
[gasps softly]
[grumbles]
[growls]
[rumbling]
[both grunt and strain]
[bold dramatic music plays]
[metal ringing]
[sniffs]
[energy crackles]
- [slurps] - [energy crackles]
I'm sorry. Sorry, but, er, how is all this supposed to work?
We gotta share the same spoon?
[bold dramatic music intensifies]
- [grunts] - [groans]
[grunts]
- [yells] - [groans]
Obelix! They are coming for you!
[grunting]
[legionary yells]
[groans]
[metallic clang]
[breathing heavily]
[audio distorts]
[music peaks then turns sombre]
- [Dogmatix whines] - [Gauls] Oh!
[gasps]
[ominous music plays]
[grunts]
- Mmm. - [electricity crackles]
[growls ferociously]
Legion! In position!
[sweeping suspenseful music plays]
We have nothing to lose.
Let's show them how indomitable we are,
and let's settle it, once and for all!
Gauls!
[metal ringing]
Assemble.
Attack!
[all yell]
[epic music playing]
[musical arrangement turns enchanting]
Huh?
[legionaries gasp and exclaim]
But, what… the…?
[weapons and armour clatter]
[chattering nervously]
[gasps]
Wow.
- [legionary] Whoa! - [chuckles]
[exclaims]
Holy cow!
This is nuts!
What's going on?
What's happening, by Jupiter?
It's not the magic potion!
This one makes you fly and change colour!
[chuckles]
Let's just say it's a mixture of all three.
But I'm so bright!
[Metadata laughs]
There's a first time for everything.
Traitor!
You have my word
that I'll tell everyone in Rome that you betrayed us!
Be my guest!
- Rome's that way. See ya! - No, no, no!
No!
["Nothing Less Than Happiness" by Sly & The Family Stone plays]
Oh, look! They sure know how to put on a show, don't they?
Only in Armorica.
[song continues to play]
Oh!
It's beautiful, son.
Happy Birthday, Mummy.
Thank you, my boy.
Stick that in your pipe, Pompey.
[serene classical music plays]
[laughs] Bravo, Getafix!
My friends, I couldn't have done it without her help.
Well, er, thank you, Roman.
Er, Metadata.
Asterix.
Put out the fire! 'Cause I have one last little thing to do.
[chanting] Go, the Gauls! Go, the Gauls! Go, the Gauls! Go, the Gauls!
Go, the Gauls! Go, the Gauls!
Go, the Gauls! Go, the Gauls…
[chanting stops]
Gauls!
But… what are you doing with those barbarians, Wikipedia?
These barbarians, O Caesar,
may be loud, grumpy, undisciplined,
and their personal hygiene might be questionable…
[Gauls] Hmm?
But they don't need to conquer the world to impose their tastes,
their gods, and their way of life.
And, for the last time, I am Metadata!
She has a temper on her.
So, which one of you is your chief?
It's me.
But in fact, it's him.
[gentle classical music plays]
Gauls, I could destroy you.
Really? With what army?
Hmm.
But you certainly entertained my people.
And so you all deserve to live.
Now, to demonstrate the generosity of Caesar…
[suspenseful musical flourish plays]
I pardon you!
[crowd cheers]
[gentle classical music continues]
I hope one day they find another way of saying "like" or "dislike", hmm?
Shall we, Mummy?
But why are they stopping? There were fires and battles,
crying children, blood and guts…
All the ingredients you need for a good night!
What is going on?!
[Cassius] Whew! Goodness, me.
Oh, what a day!
So, well, er… [sniffs]
Yeah, because he pardoned everyone,
er, let's just call it quits.
After all… [chuckles] us Gauls stick together.
No?
Let's put it behind us?
Let's not.
[crowd cheers]
[crowd] Long live our chief Vitalstatistix!
[upbeat Celtic folk music plays]
[Hannabarbera] Here we go, Blackangus.
A traditional Gallic banquet
to mark the end of this wonderful adventure.
[Blackangus] Yes indeed, Hannabarbera! They dance, they feast.
You can't deny it, those Gauls know how to enjoy life.
Excuse me, but can I just ask, are you going to commentate on everything?
Mmm, indeed. What is this need to commentate?
Is one running from reality?
Try not to perform one's way through life, perhaps.
Er, good evening, madam.
[Metadata] You see? For as long as I can remember,
I have always had a passion for Gallic culture.
Metadata, as a thank you, I'll share a secret
that can only be passed from one druid's mouth
to another druid's ear.
Ah! Really?
Yes.
The trick is to heat it up again tomorrow.
A stew is always better that way.
Ah.
[chuckles softly]
[woman on Tannoy] Could someone bring me more of that strong Gallic ale?
Thank you.
[Potus chuckles]
[all chant] Offerings! Offerings!
- Offerings! Offerings! Offerings! - All right. Settle down, settle down.
Well, then, I think I know who gave this one.
[people chuckle]
- [woman] Speech! - [man] Yes, go on, Obelix.
- [woman] Give us a few words, come on! - [man] Give us a speech! Speech!
[woman] Go on! A speech!
Er…
[heart beating]
- [man] Get on with it! - [whines]
[high-pitched ringing]
[nervously] This… menhir…
[audio distorts]
[heart beats rapidly]
[normally] This menhir is for you, Chief.
And for you, Impedimenta.
- And it's for you, Cacofonix. - Mmm.
And for you, Fulliautomatix.
Ah! [grunts happily]
It's for you, Bacteria and Unhygienix.
And it is for you, my dear friend Asterix.
I'm so happy that you're back in our village.
- [Dogmatix barks] - Hmm?
[chuckles] And yes, it's for you too, Dogmatix.
This menhir, my friends, it is for one and for all.
Because it's like our unity.
It's like our village.
Solid as a rock!
- [all cheer] - [woman] Forever!
[man] Hurray to us!
[Potus] That's nice. [chuckles]
Asterix, you wanna add anything?
Then that's it from me.
[all cheer]
[lively classical music plays]
[narrator] And so ends this beautiful adventure.
As usual, the whole tribe celebrates 'til dawn.
The whole tribe?
Well, no.
Hmm, our garden veg fricassee was delicious, Piggywiggy.
Mmm. Thank you, Pidiped.
You sure you don't wanna go to Lutetia?
We can decide in the morning.
- Mmm. - Let's have a night in, shall we?
Well, okay.
So then, Netflix, where did we get to?
[clears throat] Previously…
No, skip the recap.
[melodically] Tudum!
[lively classical theme music plays]
ASTERIX & OBELIX: THE BIG FIGHT
[musical arrangement turns sweeping and sentimental]
[upbeat Celtic folk music plays]
MISSION VEGGIE PATCH
[cheerful classical music plays]
[both exclaim]
[both] Mmm!
[barking in distance]
[Obelix] It'd be a shop where I can sell and trade wild boar.
[exclaiming in fear]
[Asterix] So you'd sell menhirs and wild boar?
- [boar squeaks] - [Obelix] Maybe. I don't know yet.
[slurps]
[squeaks]
[pops]
[both scream]
[objects rattle]
[dramatic music plays]
[gong strike]
[both squeal]
[humans chatter and munch]
[both sigh]
[both grunt]
[beautiful ethereal music plays]
[cheerful classical music plays]
[dramatic music plays]
[honks]
[both exclaim]
[growls]
[militaristic drum march plays]
[snorts]
[drum roll]
[snorts]
[bright and lively music plays]
[honks]
[snorts]
[clattering]
[Potus] Ow! Ouch!
[bright and lively music plays]
[honks]
[music crescendos]
[kettle whistles]
[explosion]
[Metadata] Oh! Ugh.
[woman on Tannoy] The Big Fight will begin soon.
[dramatic music plays]
[light comic music plays]
[chickens squawk]
[militaristic drum march plays]
[honks]
[dutiful militaristic music plays]
[snorts]
[triumphant music plays]
[both exclaim]
[straining]
[music stops]
[chicken clucks]
[honks]
[dramatic music plays]
[squeals]
[honks angrily]
[screams]
[exclaims]
[screams]
[music stops]
[both exclaim]
[all honk angrily]
[suspenseful music plays]
[both whimper]
[whistling]
[crashing]
[both sigh]
[both exclaim happily]
[lively classical music plays]
[music stops]