Do you not understand that if he dies, it's also the end of your life?
Or are you just a moron who was born to break my heart completely huh?
Sunny, listen well, Sunny. You've got to wake up now, do you hear me? You fucked up
my son's life enough, now be a man and get up.
Why'd they put Zorro in B block?
Just move away.
What d'you want? For me to change everything for the two weeks you're gonna
-be in here? -It's not two weeks. It looks like life.
Get off me you homo, get off me.
I got you a letter from your mum.
You said you don't have any children, and so you don't know that there isn't such a
-thing as a "good mother". -That's enough.
And if your kid is born fucked up he will remain fucked up.
I had a girl.
She fell ill and died. Be grateful your child's alive.
Does it ever go away?
What?
Sunny's blood in my brain.
Never.
So then he tells her, "even in my sweetest dreams,
I can't even dream that I'm dreaming about what comes out of your boobs,
Officer Lizzie".
Boom.
Was that better?
Much better,
you need to feel the flow.
Okay.
So tell me,
have you said anything to your girlfriend?
No, I don't see why.
Just tell the truth.
You better set things straight now,
things will only get complicated.
You've been talking for half a year, you're slow.
Are you trying to upset me?
No, God forbid.
I'm just saying.
Perhaps at some point you could tell your friends that you're building…
that you're gonna be a comedian.
No way, they'd eat me alive if they
-knew we were doing this. -Maybe, maybe not.
Anyway, Zorro knows.
And your Mum?
Does she know you're about to star at parent's night?
Welcome to the young failures night at Ofek prison.
Shall I tell you how I ended up in this prison?
-YES! -I'm actually in the mood to
tell you some real stories,
and a lot of people have asked me about the next one,
I've told it in many places and been asked if it's true,
so today I'll tell you the real story.
I was doing drugs at the time,
I was already
a marginalised kid,
they didn't know what to do with me,
it was a very strange time.
-I went shopping at the Ayalon Mall -I went shopping at the Ayalon Mall,
and there was a… business card machine.
D'ya remember those?
And we used to have business cards.
These days, if anyone left you a business card
you'd think they're a pervert.
"This is my business card, I'm…er…"
So I also made a business card using that machine,
I wrote, "Dean, drug dealer. Just kidding."
It was a joke, it was a joke.
So bongs, and MDMA, and acid…eh…
Yep, I really was a dealer, but that was a joke.
So, I used to distribute the card to all sorts. I had about two hundred,
and I gave them out to all the kids.
Then, this undercover policewoman came along.
And she caught so many of these kids, there were loads of them,
and all the kids from north Tel Aviv ratted each other out.
There were about two hundred of them.
And d'you know what every one of them had?
My business card.
You know the rest the story about my mum putting me into prison,
but the best part was,
I became a dealer in prison as well.
Only this time it was for a higher purpose.
Right Mansuri?
You better not tell.
Why? Are you embarrassed?
Love drives everyone crazy.
OFEK PRODUCTIONS PRESENTS:
LIZZIE KAPARA
STARRING LIZZIE AS: LIZZIE
STARRING LITTLE MANSURI AS: MANSURI
Mansuri, tell us what happened?
Lizzie broke my heart.
Kapara she broke my heart.
What happened, Mansuri?
Lizzie, God bless you Lizzie, you haunt me in my dreams.
I dreamt you were putting your breasts in my mouth.
What came out was a heavenly drink.
Heaven.
But Mansuri, as you can see, didn't give up.
Let's do it.
I'll crumble it into her tea and she'll love me.
Dean, Zorro, just… say yes.
So he went up to officer Lizzie, saying:
"It's sweet tea just the way you like, Officer Lizzie.
Lizzie knew that boy had a problem with liquids.
She initially looked at Mansuri suspiciously.
And then a little less suspiciously, as he's so hot.
And then less suspiciously, and she drank it.
Yeah but,
Unfortunately,
The pill got the love mixed up.
But there's more to prison than love stories,
there's also love and courage.
For instance, I stopped smoking in prison, all thanks to my mum.
Believe me, guilt is what makes the world go round.
My mother, she's the reason I'm here.
That's right, she called the police, told them I was a thief and a drug dealer.
Two weeks later she sends me a load of smokes for her guilty conscience. Yeah
So I ended smoking more cigarettes than my mum was able to send.
Zorro, who I swear should be called
Rabbi Zorrovsky because…
Because he's such an excellent Jewish tradesman.
And so he says, why don't we, sell one cigarette, that's what we did,
and then another.
And then a packet, within a month we became so rich,
we were counting money all day, and didn't even have time to smoke.
Have you told him that Sunny is coming in?
No, I'm trying to assign him to another cellblock.
Don't try, transfer him. Sunny's dangerous and he'll murder my son. D'you
-understand? -So if anyone wants to give up
smoking, just become a millionaire.
Okay, okay I promise.
I'm begging you.
Also, tell him he was amazing.
I'll tell him whatever you want me to say.
So the rabbi said "If I forget thee Jerusalem…"
and all that… and then the groom broke the glass.
But then, instead of giving the bride a kiss,
he went and kissed his mum.
No way!
I swear to you!
But the first slow dance was more awkward, I'll spare you the details.
Well, maybe that's how they do it in other continents.
Well, Dana, I… have to practise.
Okay.
Have you got a game this week?
In Beersheba.
Ah.
Can I finally come along and see?
No, no. It's just crap, really, it's humiliating.
I'll spare you the torture.
I don't get it, do you guys lose every week?
My mum's looking for a new coach in Brazil…
then you won't recognise the team.
I wouldn't recognise it right now.
Nice comeback.
'S not what it is.
Just, you know…
Don't you… don't you wanna see how I look?
I know how you look.
Really? How?
Beautiful.
A matter of taste, I'm sure.
I don't think so, I'm ugly whatever your taste.
I know how you look.
How?
Just like you said, ugly.
Yeah, but that's fine.
A man should be just a little bit more attractive than an ape.
Okay.
Dana, I gotta go, tomorrow at four?
Only if you send me a picture.
Picture?
We haven't met and you're giving me an ultimatum?
That's right.
Okay, bye.
So there's this this,
dating phone hotline called "Cupid",
where you go on and get to know girls.
They put them on at five or six in the evening.
You get these girls with a voice like:
"Hello, Shalom"
"Who are you sweetie?"
"I'm Aliza."
"Where are you from darling?"
"Me…?
Why don't you tell me first?". Everyone on there's an inmate.
Slowly turns into a… chat room.
You get these conference
calls with entire prisons. "Hello."
It's all these Arabs.
"Hey, sujin, hey, sujin".
"Sujin" means prison in Arabic.
"Hey, sujin".
"Aderim"
"Can you call someone…״.
You see,
you get the idea.
So everyone ended up with girlfriends.
Every prisoner had a girlfriend.
It's funny, people outside, find it difficult getting a girlfriend,
but every prisoner's got about three.
It dawned on me what women want.
They want to know where you are,
and for you to be their whole life, right?
"You're my life, my soul.
Did you give my mum the smokes?"
What have you got to talk about?
Don't know but she never shuts up.
What's wrong?
Nothing.
Maybe I'll ask Chelli to sort me out a camera?
And what if she does?
What would you do with it?
We'll find a corner that looks good,
take a photo for her Bat-mitzva.
Yeah, yeah okay.
My clothes are shit, my haircut's shit, and I'm shit. What can I do?
Just tell her the truth.
Yeah, right.
"And if it were true even
and the boy is not a virgin…"
It's in…
Deuteronomy,
twenty two, dunno what verse.
I'm no virgin.
Having a wank isn't having sex.
Depends who does it,
Eh, Lusha?
Everything's in God's hands?
Are you saying God wanked you off?
Is that what you said?
Just having a laugh, Lusha, relax,
Don't be so uptight.
So just tell her the truth,
why are you ashamed?
Even if Chelli was to get us a camera, where would you take the photo?
Why are you being negative?
So, who's the lucky girl?
Have you told her?
Eh?
How exactly would you say it?
I'm not yet sixteen, but I've lived a hundred lives,
and that will make me a better person.
"A better person"?
Years in the prison service, and that's all you've got?
That, and an ulcer.
No, but seriously, if the girl's alright, then… all will be good.
What? Do you wanna have a father-son talk?
Warden, I've been falling asleep to porn since I was twelve.
"Woman of valor, will she suck?"
You'll agree that a penis is the most suckable body part, right?
Yeah, look at that, it's smooth and round, washed and peeled, ready for the…
What planet are you on? What is this shit. What's that?
I'm not even close to having a good time, what is this lady?
I paid for… where are you?
And when it's a man moaning sounds like he's helping a friend move house.
Aaaaaah.
"You didn't say it was the fourth floor, Yigal."
Just like those girls with the questions:
"Aaah do you prefer being called Daniel or Danny
El?"
Just suck my dick, darling, alright.
Yes,
I'm sure your wife will be very happy.
I'm never getting married.
She'll end up losing her patience.
Most girls don't like waiting they're all a bit cuckoo.
Except for you.
Aah… 'cept for me, yeah that's true.
You really want a broken heart?
Well, you must tell her who you are then.
Who am I?
You can see the bars behind you.
You just can't take one here, it's a cage.
Okay, come nearer and do a close-up.
What d'you mean?
Close-up, just my face.
Man you're ugly.
Better ugly than an offender.
Why not tell her the truth and don't be ashamed.
'Scuse me, Dana, we've been together half a year,
and I forgot to tell you something tiny, tiny, tiny.
I'm an idiot, and more?
I've been in prison three years.
And my best friend smashed a girl's head in with a rock.
Accidentally. And your mum hates you as well,
and she ratted you out.
And even if everything seems fine,
and tomorrow I decide to go straight and get out of jail,
if someone pisses me off I'll stick him with a knife,
and you too,
if you don't suck
me off like a nice pretty slut."
Who needs this shit, know what I mean.
Come on Dean, smile.
My, my, my…
What are you doing, seeing if she sent you a cheque?
He's afraid she'll turn out to be ugly.
Not afraid.
-Not afraid. -You can tell from a woman's voice
if she's pretty. What did you hear?
He heard a washing machine.
He's a fucker.
Come on, tell me how it went?
How d'you get on?
Dunno, nothing.
Hey, tell me. Do I look like I'm worried?
But you know…
-Come on, you're up on stage on your own. -You know what I was thinking on stage?
What?
What's funnier, that your family didn't come,
or that mine
left half way through?
Aaargh
Warden!
Forget it yeah.
Just let him have it.
Go on,
let him have it.
Handle with care, it's for the woman.
What's up, you okay?
What?
Nothing.
Nothing?
D'you know him?
That's Sunny Bracha.
-D'you think he's here to make trouble? -Course he is, yeah.
So what?
He's gonna kill me.
Don't worry, rabbit.
I'm telling you,
Sunny's pure evil.
If you get angry, then he'll finish you.
He's come for revenge.
You don't have to worry,
we'll protect you.
I'll protect you.
Are you going to talk to him?
He'll come when he's ready.
I don't like his look.
Looks like a right evil bastard.
Don't worry about it,
we can take him down.
I've got a knife and matches,
we can make a kebab.
We can burn some tyres.
Relax, we're doing nothing.
Hey.
Come here.
Where do you go if you wanna be alone?
There's nowhere, it's a prison.
No place where nobody's watching?
With no guards?
10 minutes to yard time, 10 minutes to yard time.
Hi, I'm Sunny.
So I've heard.
Been sent to replace you.
Let's pack up, kids.
To what do we owe our good fortune?
Fuck fortune. The man says he's switching, you switch.
Hold on.
I guess… Dean must've told you what happened, yeah?
I wanna pass on a message to him.
I don't want revenge, only peace.
But I'm afraid to go near him.
Tell him to meet me in private somewhere, so we can talk quietly,
without the heavy vibes.
You're inside, there's nowhere.
Yeah so I've heard.
Yeah!
-Yes, Lusha, Lusha, Lusha. -Lusha! Lusha!
Lusha!
Sunny Bracha came to me.
Oh yeah? What he say?
He said he wants to make peace, he's not here for trouble.
He's an arsehole.
Need to watch out.
He can easily set up a hit.
And… does he have killer instinct?
Yeah, but it's his first police record, he usually stays clean.
How can that be?
Sounds dodgy. Come, give me the ball.
Give.
Play.
No way he's clean.
We gotta get our hands on his protocol.
How?
Good luck to us.
May God bless us.
Amen.
Let's go.
Will it work?
I heard she has a husband who's addicted to gambling.
You know that gambling is the toughest addiction.
Send some chocolates over to Officer Eden.
And a new husband.
For sure.
First, we'll discuss the more serious
of the two charges.
Your honour, the defendant was caught holding
cocaine with intent to sell.
The defendant,
Sunny Bracha,
not only broke into the home of the deputy commander of an elite army unit,
but also wounded his son while he was trying to apprehend him.
I knew it, he was always an idiot.
Your honour, the defence requests leniency
in the sentencing of my client.
Over the past three years or so, Sunny has aided the police,
leading to the arrests of several leading figures of Tel Aviv's organised crime.
He's a state witness, I don't believe it.
For over three years,
my client has been cooperating with the police of his own free will in compiling
a case against the convicted criminal Dean Shaiman.
"He's a violent thug, rude towards his own family,
deserves to die in prison."
Not only that, but my client also nearly paid
for this with his life.
During an undercover police operation,
Dean Shaiman stabbed my client,
leaving him bloody and unconscious.
Sunny Bracha nearly paid with his life to build the case against Shaiman.
Warden Tully to the infirmary.
Hello?
Mum.
Dean, sweetheart, what's wrong?
You're back.
Yeah, yeah. Yesterday. Is everything okay?
Yeah.
What's happened?
Sunny Bracha's here, inside.
I know. Has he got to you?
Yeah.
Don't worry,
I've settled things with him.
You sure? He's a maniac.
Yeah, I'm sure.
So d'you need me to call Chelli and get him moved?
No, no, it's fine.
It's okay.
Okay, then what?
I'm not used to you calling.
That's what all the girls say.
Joking.
I read his protocol.
What protocol?
His details you know…
He was the one who ratted me out about the drugs and that.
Not you.
Hello?
I'm here.
You weren't lying.
No.
Sunny set me up for everything, the thefts,
the drugs, everything, all of it.
When you called them, they had a file on me,
like I was in the mafia.
I'm sorry I'm such a shit, Mum.
If you weren't such a shit, I wouldn't love you so much.
Bye, sweetie.
Sunny.
Come with us.
"Come with us"? What am I, your bitch?
Tell me when to stop?
-Stop. -Stop?
Okay.
Ok, let's go.
Fucking scumbag!
Dean!
Fucker!
Get your hands off me.
Leave me.
Get off me, man!
Fuck off.
I'll fuck you up, you bitch!
You motherfucker Dean!
-Fuck off, I'm not joking! -Get his arm
-I'm not joking. -That's it,
come with us.
Dean, you son of a bitch!
-You bastards! -Shut up!
What's wrong with you?
Get off me.
Man,
help me man,
help,
Dean you son of a bitch, Dean.
-You fucker. -Get in!
Get in!
You motherfucker, you fucked up my life, you fucked up my mum's life.
You fucking rat!
Motherfucker!
-Son of a bitch, what do you want from me? -Shut up!
I saw your protocol from court. Fucker.
Just say you're sorry.
What for, motherfucker? What for?
You sold me to the police!
Dean, they asked questions, made offers.
There's a difference between surviving and selling you out.
Dean, Dean. You would've done the same.
I'm sorry, Dean.
We're brothers, you've humiliated me.
Dean, don't say I'm a rat, I'm begging you.
They'll beat the shit out me, I'm begging.
I'm begging you.
-Dean, Dean no. -Shut up!
Dean, no no.
Dean!
I'm not joking, Dean.
Dean, please.
What do you want from me? Huh?
I tried warning you a thousand times, you didn't listen.
I'm sorry,
I swear that I'm sorry, Dean. I am.
Just hang on a minute please, Dean.
I swear I'm sorry Dean.
Dean, I'm sorry.
From this day on, you do as I say.
Your friend's dead.
Alright?
Thanks for agreeing to meet me.
You were here twenty years ago, is that right?
Yeah.
So you're still…
you're still not in touch with Zorro?
No.
Nothing?
Never visited? Never eh…
So you've never spoken to him in twenty years?
No.
Er…
He hasn't contacted you, he hasn't called?
No.
You're a stubborn lot, huh?
You should know, in all honesty,
that he cared about you more than anything.
All he'd talk about was how he wanted to be released…
And come straight to you, and to ask you to forgive.
I've brought you some tickets to my show.
It's a stand-up,
er…
you know stand-up?
It's… meant to be funny.
I hope you'll come.
Er… it's in Tel Aviv.
I'll also leave you my number, just in case er… you do hear from him.
Well, thanks yeah.
Thank you.
Bye, see you.
Goodbye.
Didn't your name used to be Dean?
Ha, yeah.
-Bye. -Bye.