[tense music playing]
Do you not understand that if he dies, it's also the end of your life?
Or are you just a moron who was born to break my heart completely, huh?
Sunny. Listen well, Sunny.
You gotta wake up now, do you hear me?
You fucked up my son's life enough. Now be a man and get up.
Why'd they put Zorro in B block?
Just move away.
[Zorro] Then what do you want?
For me to change everything for the two weeks you're gonna be in here?
It's not two weeks. It looks like life.
[Zorro] Ah! Get off me, you homo!
[Dean] I got you a letter from your mum.
You said you don't have any children.
You don't know that there isn't such a thing as a good mother.
-That's enough. -If a kid's born fucked up, he remains so.
I had a girl.
She fell ill and died. Be grateful your child's alive.
-Does it ever go away? -[Zorro] What?
-Sunny's blood in my brain. -Never.
[monitor beeping]
[music fades]
So then he tells her, "Even in my sweetest dreams,
I can't dream that I'm dreaming about what comes out of your boobs, Officer Lizzie".
Boom.
-Was that better? -Much better. You need to feel the flow.
Okay.
So tell me, have you said anything to your girlfriend?
No, I don't see why.
Just tell the truth.
[Dean chuckles]
You better set things straight now. Things will only get complicated.
You've been talking for half a year. You're slow.
-Are you trying to upset me? -No, God forbid. I'm just saying.
Perhaps, at some point, you could tell your friends that you're building…
-That you're gonna be a comedian. -No way!
They'd eat me alive if they knew I was doing this.
-Maybe, maybe not. -Anyway, Zorro knows.
And your mum? Does she know you're about to star at parents' night?
[Dean] Welcome to the young failures night at Ofek prison.
[cheering and whistling]
[Dean] Shall I tell you how I ended up in this prison?
[audience] Yeah!
I'm actually in the mood to tell you some real stories.
A lot of people have asked me about the next one.
I've told it in many places and been asked if it's true.
So today, I'll tell you the real story.
-[laughter] -[young Dean] I was doing drugs.
I was already a marginalised kid. They didn't know what to do with me.
It was a very strange time.
I went shopping at the Ayalon Mall…
…and there was a business-card machine.
You remember those?
We used to have business cards.
These days, if anyone left you a business card,
you'd think they were a pervert.
[huskily] "This is my business card, I'm, uh…"
[young Dean] So I also made a business card using that machine.
I wrote, "Dean, drug dealer."
Just kidding.
It was a joke, it was a joke. So bongs, and MDMA, and acid…
Yep, I really was a dealer, but that was a joke.
I used to distribute the card to all sorts.
I had about 200, and I gave them out to all the kids.
Then this undercover policewoman came along.
And she caught so many of these kids, there were loads of them,
and all the kids from north Tel Aviv ratted each other out.
There were about 200 of them, and you know what every one of them had?
My business card.
[young Dean] You know the rest the story, about my mum putting me into prison.
But the best part was I became a dealer in prison as well.
Only this time, it was for a higher purpose. Right, Mansuri?
[laughter]
-[Mansuri] You better not tell. -[Dean] Why? Are you embarrassed?
Love drives everyone crazy.
[intriguing music playing]
OFEK PRODUCTIONS PRESENTS:
LIZZIE SWEETHEART
LIZZIE AS: LIZZIE (SWEETHEART)
LITTLE MANSURI AS: MANSURI
Mansuri, tell us what happened?
Lizzie broke my heart. Kapara, she broke my heart.
What happened, Mansuri?
[Mansuri] Lizzie. God bless you, Lizzie. You haunt me in my dreams.
I dreamt you were putting your breasts in my mouth.
What came out was a heavenly drink. Heaven.
[slap]
[laughter]
[Dean] But Mansuri, as you can see, didn't give up.
Let's do it.
I'll crumble it into her tea, and she'll love me.
Dean, Zorro, just say yes.
[Dean] So he went up to Officer Lizzie, saying,
"It's sweet tea, just the way you like, Officer Lizzie."
Lizzie knew that boy had a problem with liquids.
She initially looked at Mansuri suspiciously.
And then a little less suspiciously, as he's so hot.
And then less suspiciously.
And she drank it.
Yeah, but…
unfortunately, the pill got the love mixed up.
THE END
But there's more to prison than love stories.
There's also love and courage.
For instance, I stopped smoking in prison, all thanks to my mum.
Believe me, guilt is what makes the world go round.
My mother, she's the reason I'm here.
That's right, she called the police. Told them I was a thief and a drug dealer.
Two weeks later, she sends me a load of smokes for her guilty conscience, yeah?
[laughter]
So I ended up smoking more cigarettes than my mum was able to send.
Zorro, who I swear should be called Rabbi Zorrovsky, because…
because he's such an excellent Jewish tradesman.
So he says, "Why don't we sell one cigarette?"
That's what we did, and then another.
And then a packet.
Within a month, we became so rich, we were counting money all day
and didn't even have time to smoke.
-[Tamara] You told him Sunny's coming in? -[Chelli] No. I'm trying to assign him.
[Tamara] Do something. Sunny's dangerous. He'll kill him.
So, if anyone wants to give up smoking, just become a millionaire.
[applause and cheering]
[tense music playing]
[Chelli] Okay, okay. I promise.
[Tamara] I'm begging you.
Also, tell him he was amazing.
[Chelli] I'll tell him whatever you want me to say.
[raucous electronic music playing]
[music stops]
[gentle music playing]
[keys jingling]
[muffled radio chatter]
[door slams in distance]
So the rabbi said, "If I forget thee, Jerusalem…" and all that,
and then the groom broke the glass.
But then, instead of giving the bride a kiss, he went and kissed his mum.
-[Dean] No way! -I swear to you!
But the first slow dance was more awkward. I'll spare you the details.
Well, maybe that's how they do it in other continents.
[laughs]
Well, Dana, I have to practise.
Okay. Have you got a game this week?
In Beersheba.
Ah.
Can I finally come along and see?
No, no. It's just crap.
Really, it's humiliating. I'll spare you the torture.
I don't get it. Do you guys lose every week?
My mum's looking for a new coach in Brazil.
Then you won't recognise the team.
I wouldn't recognise it right now.
Nice comeback.
That's not what it is.
Just, you know…
Don't you…
don't you wanna see how I look?
-I know how you look. -Really? How?
[chiming]
-Beautiful. -A matter of taste, I'm sure.
I don't think so. I'm ugly whatever your taste.
[Dana laughs]
I know how you look.
[rock guitar riff plays]
-[Dean] How? -Just like you said.
-Ugly. -Yeah, but that's fine.
A man should be just a little bit more attractive than an ape.
Okay. Dana, I, uh, gotta go. Tomorrow at four?
Only if you send me a picture.
-[dog barks] -[Dean] Picture?
We haven't met, and you're giving me an ultimatum?
That's right.
Okay, bye.
So there's this… this dating phone hotline called Cupid,
where you go on and get to know girls.
They put them on at five or six in the evening.
You get these girls with a voice, like…
[gruffly] "Hello. Shalom."
[chuckles]
[normally] "Who are you, sweetie?"
[gruffly] "I'm Aliza."
[normally] "Where are you from, darling?"
[gruffly] "Me? Why don't you tell me first?"
Everyone on there's an inmate.
Slowly turning into a chatroom.
You get these conference calls with the entire prison. "Hello?" It's Arabs.
"Hey, sujin? Hey, sujin?"
Sujin means prison in Arabic.
"Hey, sujin?" "Hadarim."
"Can you call someone?"
You see, you get the idea.
So everyone ended up with girlfriends. Every prisoner had one.
It's funny, people outside find it difficult getting a girlfriend,
but every prisoner's got about three.
It dawned on me what women want. They want to know where you are.
[laughter]
And for you to be their whole life, right?
"You're my life, my soul."
"Did you give my mum the smokes?"
[thunder rumbling]
[Zorro] What have you got to talk about?
Don't know, but she never shuts up.
What's wrong?
Nothing.
Maybe I'll ask Chelli to sort me out a camera.
And what if she does?
What would you do with it?
Find a corner that looks good, take a photo for her bat mitzvah.
[distant siren blaring]
Yeah, yeah, okay.
My clothes are shit, my haircut's shit, and I'm shit. What can I do?
-Just tell her the truth. -Yeah, right.
"And if it were true even,
and the boy is not a virgin…"
It's in… Deuteronomy.
Twenty-two, don't know what verse.
I'm no virgin.
Having a wank isn't having sex.
Depends who does it. Eh, Lusha? Everything's in God's hands?
Are you saying God wanked you off?
-Is that what you said? -I'm just having a laugh, Lusha.
Relax. Don't be so uptight.
So just tell her the truth. Why are you ashamed?
Even if Chelli was to get us a camera, where would you take the photo?
Why are you being so negative?
[PA chimes]
So who's the lucky girl?
[phone ringing]
Have you told her?
-Eh? -How exactly would you say it?
[radio chatter]
Uh… "I'm not yet 16, but I've lived a hundred lives,
and that will make me a better person."
"A better person"? Years in the prison service, and that's all you got?
That, and an ulcer.
No, but seriously, if the girl's all right, then… all will be good.
What? Do you wanna have a father-son talk?
Warden, I've been falling asleep to porn since I was 12.
[high-pitched moaning]
"Woman of valour, will she suck?"
You'll agree that a penis is the most suckable body part, right? Yeah.
Look at that, it's smooth and round, washed and peeled, ready for the…
[high-pitched moaning]
Where are you? What is this shit? What's that?
I'm not even close to having a good time. What is this, lady?
I paid for… Where are you?
And when it's a man moaning, it sounds like he's helping a friend move house.
[straining]
"You didn't say it was the fourth floor, Yigal."
Just like those girls with the questions. "Do you prefer Daniel or Dan-yell?"
Just suck my dick, darling, all right?
Yes, I'm sure your wife will be very happy.
I'm never getting married.
She'll end up losing her patience.
Most girls don't like waiting. They're all a bit cuckoo.
-Except for you. -Hm! Except for me. Yeah, that's true.
You really want a broken heart?
Well, you must tell her who you are, then.
Who am I?
[faint radio chatter]
[Dean chuckles]
[buzzing]
[Zorro] You can see the bars behind you.
You just can't take one here. It's a cage.
[Dean] Okay, come nearer and do a close-up.
[Zorro] What do you mean?
Close-up, just my face.
-[click] -[Zorro] Man, you're ugly.
Better ugly than an offender.
Why not tell her the truth and don't be ashamed?
"'Scuse me, Dana. We've been together half a year,
and I forgot to tell you something tiny, tiny, tiny."
"I'm an idiot, and more? I've been in prison three years."
"And my best friend smashed a girl's head in with a rock."
"Accidentally. And your mum hates you as well, and she ratted you out."
"And even if everything seems fine,
and tomorrow I decide to go straight and get out of jail,
if someone pisses me off, I'll stick him with a knife,
and you too, if you don't suck me off like a nice pretty slut."
Who needs this shit? Know what I mean?
[gentle music playing]
-Come on, Dean, smile. -[click]
[click]
Ay ay ay.
[Tully] What are you doing, seeing if she sent you a cheque?
He's afraid she'll turn out to be ugly.
Not afraid. Not afraid.
You can tell from a woman's voice if she's pretty. What did you hear?
He heard a washing machine.
[paper rustling]
-He's a fucker. -Yeah.
[Dean] Ah! Ah!
-Ah! -[Zorro] Come on, tell me how it went.
How'd you get on? [exhales]
-[Dean] Don't know. Nothing! -Hey, tell me. Do I look like I'm worried?
[Dean] But, you know…
-Uh, I was thinking on stage. -What?
What's funnier, that your family didn't come,
or that mine left halfway through?
-[lock buzzes] -Ah!
-[inmates yelling and whistling] -[rhythmic thumping]
[commotion continues]
[radio chatter]
[tense music playing]
[radio chatter]
-[lock buzzes] -[door opens]
Warden!
[whistles]
-Forget it, yeah. -Just let him have it.
Go on, let him have it.
Handle with care. It's for the woman.
[man whistling]
[tense music playing]
What's up? You okay?
What?
Nothing.
[Zorro] Nothing?
Do you know him?
That's Sunny Bracha.
Do you think he's here to make trouble?
-Course he is, yeah. -So what?
He's gonna kill me.
Don't worry, Rabbit.
I'm telling you, Sunny's pure evil.
If you get angry, then he'll finish you.
He's come for revenge.
[radio chatter]
You don't have to worry. We'll protect you.
I'll protect you.
[haunting music playing]
[keys jingling]
[gentle rainfall]
Are you gonna talk to him?
He'll come when he's ready.
-[Lusha] I don't like his look. -[inmate] Looks like a right evil bastard.
-Don't worry. We can take him down.
I've got a knife and matches. We can make a kebab.
We can burn some tyres.
Relax. We're doing nothing.
[Sunny] Hey.
Come here.
[thunder rumbling]
[sniffs]
Where do you go if you wanna be alone?
There's nowhere. It's a prison.
No place where nobody's watching? With no guards?
[PA chimes]
[muffled announcement]
Hi, I'm Sunny.
So I've heard.
[thunder crashing]
Been sent to replace you.
-Pack up, kids. -[Lusha] Why our good fortune?
[inmate] He says he's switching, you switch.
[Sunny] Hold on.
I guess Dean must have told you what happened, yeah?
I wanna pass on a message to him.
I don't want revenge, only peace.
But I'm afraid to go near him.
Tell him to meet me in private somewhere
so we can talk quietly, without the heavy vibes.
You're inside. There's nowhere.
Yeah, so I've heard.
-[Dean] Yeah! Lusha! Lusha! -[Zorro] Yes! Lusha!
-Lusha! -[Dean] Lusha!
Sunny Bracha came to me.
Oh yeah? What'd he say?
He said he wants to make peace. He's not here for trouble.
He's an arsehole.
Need to watch out.
He can easily set up a hit.
And… does he have killer instinct?
Yes, but it's his first police record. He usually stays clean.
-[Lusha] How can that be? Sounds dodgy. -[Zorro] Give me the ball.
-[Lusha] Play. -[Zorro] No way he's clean.
We gotta get our hands on his protocol.
[Zorro] How?
[radio chatter]
[suspenseful music playing]
[Dean] Good luck to us.
May God bless us.
Amen. Let's go.
Will it work?
[Zorro] I heard she has a husband who's addicted to gambling.
[Dean] You know that gambling's the toughest addiction.
Send some chocolates over to Officer Eden.
And a new husband.
-[all laugh] -For sure.
[woman] First, we'll discuss the more serious of the two charges.
Your Honour, the defendant was caught holding cocaine with intent to sell.
Sunny Bracha not only broke into the home
of the deputy commander of an elite army unit,
but also wounded his son while he was trying to apprehend him.
I knew it. He was always an idiot.
[man] Your Honour, the defence requests leniency
in the sentencing of my client.
Over the past three years or so, Sunny has aided the police,
leading to the arrests of several leading figures of Tel Aviv's organised crime.
He's a state witness. I don't believe it.
[lawyer] For over three years, my client has been cooperating with the police
of his own free will in compiling a case
against the convicted criminal Dean Shaiman.
[Dean] "He's a violent thug. Rude towards his own family."
"Deserves to die in prison."
Not only that, but my client also nearly paid for this with his life.
During an undercover police operation,
Dean Shaiman stabbed my client, leaving him bloody and unconscious.
Sunny Bracha nearly paid with his life to build the case against Shaiman.
[phone ringing]
[ringing continues]
[ringing tone]
[PA chimes]
-[Tamara] Hello? -[Dean] Mum?
[Tamara] Dean, sweetheart, what's wrong?
You're back.
Yeah, yeah. Yesterday. Is everything okay?
-Yeah. -What's happened?
[gentle music playing]
Sunny Bracha's here, inside.
I know. Has he got to you?
Yeah.
Don't worry, I've settled things with him.
You sure? He's a maniac.
[chuckles]
Yeah, I'm sure.
So do you need me to call Chelli and get him moved?
No, no, it's fine. It's okay.
Okay, then what?
I'm not used to you calling.
That's what all the girls say.
Joking.
-I read his protocol. -What protocol?
His details, you know?
He was the one who ratted me out about the drugs and that.
Not you.
Hello?
I'm here.
-You weren't lying. -No.
Sunny set me up for everything.
The thefts, the drugs, everything, all of it.
When you called them, they had a file on me like I was in the Mafia.
[laughs]
I'm sorry I'm such a shit, Mum.
If you weren't such a shit, I wouldn't love you so much.
Bye, sweetie.
[indistinct]
[tense music playing]
[inmate] Sunny.
Sunny. Come with us.
"Come with us"? What am I, your bitch?
-Tell me when to stop? -Stop.
-[Sunny] Stop? -[Mansuri] Okay.
[Sunny] Okay, let's go.
[Dean] You fucking scumbag!
[Sunny] Dean!
-Fucker! Get your hands off me. -[boys grunting]
[Sunny] Leave me. Get off me, man!
-Fuck off! I'll fuck you up, you bitch! -[inmate] Stay still!
-[Sunny] You motherfucker, Dean! Fuck off! -[inmate] Get his arm!
-[Sunny] I'm not joking. -[Lusha] Come with us.
[Sunny] Dean, you son of a bitch! You bastards!
What's wrong with you? Get off me.
Man, help me! Help me, man! Help!
Dean, you son of a bitch, Dean!
-[Lusha] You fucker. -[inmate] Get in! Get in!
Get in there.
[all breathing heavily]
You motherfucker.
You fucked up my life. You fucked up my mum's life.
You fucking rat motherfucker!
[Sunny panting]
[groans] Son of a bitch, what do you want from me?
-[kick lands] -[Dean] Shut up!
-I saw your protocol from court. Fucker. -[kicks]
-Say you're sorry! -What for, motherfucker?
-What for? -You sold me to the police!
Dean, they asked questions, made offers.
There's a difference between surviving and selling you out.
[yelps]
Dean! Dean, you would've done the same. I'm sorry, Dean.
We're brothers. You've humiliated me.
Dean, don't say I'm a rat, I'm begging you.
They'll beat the shit out me. I'm begging.
I'm begging you. Dean! Dean, no.
-[Dean] Shut up! -[Sunny] Dean, no! I'm not joking.
Dean, please! What do you want from me, huh?
I tried warning you a thousand times. You wouldn't listen.
[panting]
I'm sorry. I swear that I'm sorry, Dean.
I am. Just hang on a minute, please, Dean.
I swear, I'm sorry, Dean.
[trembling]
Dean, I'm sorry!
From this day on, you do as I say.
[sombre music playing]
[groans]
Your friend's dead. All right?
[sniffs]
[sighs]
[music fades]
[birdsong]
[children playing]
[adult Dean] Thanks for agreeing to meet me.
You were here 20 years ago. Is that right?
Yeah.
So you're…
you're still not in touch with Zorro?
No. No.
Nothing? Never visited? Never, uh…
So you've never spoken to him in 20 years?
-No. -No.
Uh… he hasn't contacted you? He hasn't called?
-No. -No.
You're a stubborn lot, huh?
[both chuckle]
You should know, in all honesty, that he cared about you more than anything.
All he'd talk about was how he wanted to be released
and come straight to you and to ask you to forgive.
I've brought you
some tickets to my show.
It's a stand-up.
You know stand-up? It's… meant to be funny.
I hope you'll come. Uh… it's in Tel Aviv.
I'll also leave you my number, just in case, uh… you do hear from him.
Well, thank you.
Thank you.
-[father] Yeah. -Bye. See you.
-[mother] Goodbye. -Didn't your name used to be Dean?
Hah! Yeah.
-Bye. -[father] Bye.
[door closes]
[sombre music playing]
[electronic music playing]