1 00:00:09,105 --> 00:00:11,975 All right, now it's time to bring on our next comic. 2 00:00:12,063 --> 00:00:14,863 Give it up for Beanie Bhatnagar! 3 00:00:28,480 --> 00:00:29,480 I'm Beanie Bhatnagar. 4 00:00:30,480 --> 00:00:33,020 And I'm... 5 00:00:39,271 --> 00:00:41,651 But first, a little flashback. 6 00:00:43,438 --> 00:00:46,898 I belong to a regular middle class family. 7 00:00:46,980 --> 00:00:50,230 I loved entertaining people as a kid. 8 00:00:50,313 --> 00:00:54,233 But I had zero talent for singing or dancing, 9 00:00:54,313 --> 00:00:57,403 which left my parents a bit disappointed. 10 00:01:01,230 --> 00:01:03,940 Then one day, I saw Shekhar Suman on TV... 11 00:01:04,021 --> 00:01:05,271 Hi, guys! 12 00:01:05,355 --> 00:01:07,185 {\an8}And I started dreaming big. 13 00:01:07,813 --> 00:01:10,773 {\an8}I dreamt of telling a thousand jokes 14 00:01:10,855 --> 00:01:14,805 to an audience of millions applauding wildly. 15 00:01:17,980 --> 00:01:22,270 But with humble origins, you can't afford fancy dreams. 16 00:01:22,355 --> 00:01:26,765 So like most middle class kids, I got my MBA degree. 17 00:01:26,855 --> 00:01:30,855 And then, I did the most imaginative thing in the world. 18 00:01:30,938 --> 00:01:32,398 I took up a job. 19 00:01:32,480 --> 00:01:34,730 That's it. Comedy took a backseat. 20 00:01:35,521 --> 00:01:37,771 Then, I met a nice guy, very nice guy, 21 00:01:37,855 --> 00:01:40,185 we've been dating for the last three years. 22 00:01:40,271 --> 00:01:44,401 And our chemistry is off the charts. 23 00:01:44,480 --> 00:01:47,480 So basically, life was great. 24 00:01:47,563 --> 00:01:48,653 Until... 25 00:01:48,730 --> 00:01:49,690 it wasn't. 26 00:01:54,271 --> 00:01:56,441 Bindiya Akankshi Bhatnagar... 27 00:01:57,480 --> 00:01:59,770 -will you marry me? -I'm going to be a grandpa! 28 00:02:02,230 --> 00:02:03,190 Congratulations! 29 00:02:03,896 --> 00:02:07,056 -Congratulations! -Give me a hug. Come here, son! 30 00:02:07,146 --> 00:02:10,106 -Let's take a picture! -Come, stand here. 31 00:02:10,188 --> 00:02:14,188 -Show the ring. The ring! -Show the ring. 32 00:02:14,271 --> 00:02:16,861 -Say, "Cheese!" -Cheese! 33 00:02:17,438 --> 00:02:19,648 -Amazing. Congratulations! -Thank you, Uncle. 34 00:02:19,730 --> 00:02:22,020 What plans now? Two kids? Or three? 35 00:02:22,980 --> 00:02:25,520 Four would be a jackpot. 36 00:02:25,605 --> 00:02:28,305 -It's not in my hands. -Beanie is with you. Right, Beanie? 37 00:02:28,396 --> 00:02:29,646 What on earth are you saying! 38 00:02:33,980 --> 00:02:37,560 -Looks good, right? -Yes! And it is massive! 39 00:02:37,646 --> 00:02:39,556 -Bye, Beanie! Bye, Arun! -Bye, son! 40 00:02:39,646 --> 00:02:41,856 -Bye! -This was amazing, Arun! 41 00:02:41,938 --> 00:02:42,768 Thank you! 42 00:02:43,563 --> 00:02:46,363 The engagement ceremony is on Saturday. And it's going to be epic. 43 00:02:46,438 --> 00:02:50,358 A snacks counter, Chinese counter, Italian counter, Lebanese counter, 44 00:02:50,438 --> 00:02:53,358 but no sushi because Uncle Bipin has a shellfish allergy. 45 00:02:53,896 --> 00:02:54,726 Sounds great. 46 00:02:55,730 --> 00:02:58,270 And Mom's getting you a designer dress. 47 00:02:58,980 --> 00:02:59,810 Perfect. 48 00:03:00,313 --> 00:03:05,023 I love dresses, and food counters, and your mom, of course. 49 00:03:06,271 --> 00:03:07,311 You don't look very happy. 50 00:03:07,896 --> 00:03:09,516 Do you want a Thai counter, too? 51 00:03:10,063 --> 00:03:13,153 But that'll include prawns. This fucking Bipin will ruin everything! 52 00:03:13,230 --> 00:03:14,310 It's not that. 53 00:03:14,396 --> 00:03:16,896 Just that Papa and you were discussing kids-- 54 00:03:16,980 --> 00:03:20,110 Beanie, we just got engaged and you're already thinking of kids? 55 00:03:20,188 --> 00:03:22,188 I'm not. You and Papa were discussing it, so-- 56 00:03:22,271 --> 00:03:24,481 Beanie, relax. We need to take three deep breaths. 57 00:03:24,563 --> 00:03:26,153 -Arun, I'm fine-- -Come on. Let's do it. 58 00:03:29,521 --> 00:03:30,611 Arun, I'm fine-- 59 00:03:34,188 --> 00:03:36,558 -You're smiling. You're calm now? -Yes. 60 00:03:36,855 --> 00:03:38,395 -You love me? -Of course I love you. 61 00:03:38,480 --> 00:03:39,310 Perfect. 62 00:03:41,021 --> 00:03:42,651 Let's enjoy the moment. 63 00:03:42,730 --> 00:03:45,690 We're about to get married and you are talking about kids? 64 00:03:45,771 --> 00:03:47,441 Don't worry, we'll have kids in a year. 65 00:03:47,521 --> 00:03:48,611 Okay? Come. 66 00:03:56,730 --> 00:03:58,770 -Hi, Kapi-- -You're engaged? 67 00:03:58,855 --> 00:04:01,015 I found out looking at your mother's Facebook post! 68 00:04:01,105 --> 00:04:02,725 And I thought you're my best friend. 69 00:04:02,813 --> 00:04:05,613 Now put up a post quickly or people will gossip. 70 00:04:05,688 --> 00:04:10,938 Kapi, only influencers like you analyze every random post so much. 71 00:04:11,021 --> 00:04:13,361 Normal people don't care about such things. 72 00:04:13,438 --> 00:04:14,268 Wait a minute. 73 00:04:15,313 --> 00:04:16,153 Yes, Ma. 74 00:04:16,230 --> 00:04:19,610 I found out on the family group that you've not posted on Facebook yet. 75 00:04:19,688 --> 00:04:22,478 Quickly put up a post or everyone will think something's wrong. 76 00:04:22,563 --> 00:04:25,403 Ma, I'll call you later, okay? Okay, bye. 77 00:04:25,480 --> 00:04:26,480 Dear, listen, but... 78 00:04:26,605 --> 00:04:27,435 Yeah, Kapi. 79 00:04:27,521 --> 00:04:29,811 Listen. Is there a problem? 80 00:04:29,896 --> 00:04:32,726 -Are you nervous? -I don't know. It's just... 81 00:04:33,730 --> 00:04:37,610 When I woke up this morning, I only had to plan gift hampers for clients. 82 00:04:37,688 --> 00:04:39,938 Now suddenly I have to plan four kids' school fees. 83 00:04:40,021 --> 00:04:41,691 Now how did kids come into the picture? 84 00:04:41,771 --> 00:04:44,191 Exactly! How did kids get into the picture? 85 00:04:44,271 --> 00:04:46,941 Listen, everyone knows that Arun is a little boring. 86 00:04:47,021 --> 00:04:50,731 And he speaks in business metaphors, which nobody understands. 87 00:04:50,813 --> 00:04:55,023 But you've been dating for three years, so marry him. 88 00:04:55,105 --> 00:04:57,515 There's no problem. It's just that I-- 89 00:04:58,438 --> 00:04:59,728 I'll call you back. 90 00:05:01,313 --> 00:05:02,813 I guess I should congratulate you? 91 00:05:02,896 --> 00:05:04,806 VIP, thank you. 92 00:05:06,021 --> 00:05:08,561 -How do you know? -I follow your mom on Facebook. 93 00:05:10,063 --> 00:05:13,653 So, you're engaged to a tall, handsome, rich Punjabi now? 94 00:05:15,063 --> 00:05:17,813 Good, good. I'm very happy for you. Very happy. 95 00:05:19,063 --> 00:05:20,273 So, what's next? 96 00:05:20,980 --> 00:05:22,190 What do you mean? 97 00:05:22,271 --> 00:05:26,061 I mean, wives of rich Punjabi men make babies, not careers. 98 00:05:26,146 --> 00:05:29,646 Brunches, Pilates, smoothies, yoga... 99 00:05:30,188 --> 00:05:31,188 Hot yoga. 100 00:05:31,271 --> 00:05:33,611 More smoothies, more babies. 101 00:05:34,730 --> 00:05:36,020 You'll have your hands full. 102 00:05:37,605 --> 00:05:39,605 But good. 103 00:05:39,688 --> 00:05:42,688 I'm happy for you. Good. Good. So happy. 104 00:05:44,105 --> 00:05:46,265 -Can you please check these reports? -Yeah. 105 00:05:47,063 --> 00:05:47,943 Excuse me. 106 00:05:59,355 --> 00:06:00,185 Hi, baby. 107 00:06:00,271 --> 00:06:03,311 Hello, Future Mrs. Kalra. Come over to my place today? 108 00:06:03,396 --> 00:06:04,476 My parents aren't home, 109 00:06:04,563 --> 00:06:07,813 I thought we could do some strategic investor relations in the bedroom. 110 00:06:13,521 --> 00:06:14,691 Daddy's coming home! 111 00:06:14,771 --> 00:06:16,651 Beanie, I meant to say that... 112 00:06:17,271 --> 00:06:19,021 Yeah, I know. I know what you mean. 113 00:06:19,646 --> 00:06:23,896 It's just that VIP just dumped three files on me. 114 00:06:23,980 --> 00:06:27,900 I'm just swamped with paperwork. I'm going to be late. 115 00:06:27,980 --> 00:06:30,060 -Just tell him you got engaged today! -I did! I did! 116 00:06:30,146 --> 00:06:31,306 I'm so sorry. 117 00:06:31,396 --> 00:06:34,936 I was really looking forward to a night of sexy... sex. 118 00:06:35,021 --> 00:06:37,191 Me, too. That's what I was trying to say earlier. 119 00:06:37,271 --> 00:06:41,111 I know. I know what you mean. I'm sorry. Shall we meet tomorrow, at my place? 120 00:06:41,188 --> 00:06:43,728 -Yeah, cool. I love you, babe. -Love you, too. 121 00:06:52,730 --> 00:06:53,560 Show me! 122 00:06:55,855 --> 00:06:57,015 Groovy! 123 00:06:57,105 --> 00:06:59,895 By the way, you used to ditch stand-up for Arun, 124 00:06:59,980 --> 00:07:02,810 and now you've ditched Arun for stand-up! 125 00:07:03,313 --> 00:07:04,903 You're really losing it, aren't you? 126 00:07:05,438 --> 00:07:07,108 You're so supportive, Kapi! 127 00:07:07,188 --> 00:07:09,648 Listen, I feel like a small panic attack is happening. 128 00:07:09,730 --> 00:07:10,690 Just breathe, babe. 129 00:07:10,771 --> 00:07:13,361 Why does everyone keep telling me to breathe? 130 00:07:14,771 --> 00:07:15,651 So... 131 00:07:15,730 --> 00:07:18,060 I finally, like... I'm on Tinder now. 132 00:07:18,146 --> 00:07:21,396 Not because I'm single, but because, you know, like, Tinder is free. 133 00:07:22,813 --> 00:07:24,523 Call him, man. Don't know... 134 00:07:24,605 --> 00:07:26,805 Hey, Ranjeet! Wow, looking good! 135 00:07:28,105 --> 00:07:29,975 -Is there a spot available? -Nope. 136 00:07:31,021 --> 00:07:34,811 Please, Ranjeet. I really need to go on stage today. 137 00:07:34,896 --> 00:07:37,556 A five-minute spot will do. Fit me in somewhere, please. 138 00:07:37,646 --> 00:07:41,186 There's no spot. Where do I get one from? Why would I waste one on you anyway? 139 00:07:41,896 --> 00:07:43,646 You're not even a real comic, dude. 140 00:07:45,188 --> 00:07:47,438 You just turn up randomly and ask for a spot. 141 00:07:48,480 --> 00:07:49,900 What's his problem? 142 00:07:50,605 --> 00:07:54,805 Listen, if you want a spot, get it from one of these guys. 143 00:07:54,896 --> 00:07:55,936 Excuse me. 144 00:07:56,021 --> 00:07:58,811 How do you say "weed" in Hindi? I need it for my set. 145 00:07:58,896 --> 00:07:59,726 Ganja. 146 00:08:00,230 --> 00:08:01,270 Thanks, bro. 147 00:08:02,188 --> 00:08:05,108 -Ranjeet. Who's that? -Rahul. 148 00:08:05,188 --> 00:08:06,358 The one next to him. 149 00:08:06,438 --> 00:08:09,478 -That's our comic from LA. -Perfect. 150 00:08:10,396 --> 00:08:11,396 That's your guy. 151 00:08:12,146 --> 00:08:14,146 He looks like a total nerd. 152 00:08:14,771 --> 00:08:17,811 Go for the kill. Take charge and own your panic attack. 153 00:08:17,896 --> 00:08:19,306 -No, dude! Kapi. -Go for it! 154 00:08:19,396 --> 00:08:21,556 -Sorry. What about toilet paper? -Toilet paper. 155 00:08:21,646 --> 00:08:23,896 -Yeah, toilet paper. -Toilet paper. 156 00:08:23,980 --> 00:08:25,440 -Exactly. -Toilet paper! 157 00:08:25,521 --> 00:08:27,191 -How do you say it? -Toilet paper! 158 00:08:27,271 --> 00:08:29,401 -Hi. -Thank God you're here. 159 00:08:29,480 --> 00:08:32,900 Please handle him. He's annoying as hell. Who gives such people a visa on arrival? 160 00:08:32,980 --> 00:08:34,020 What does that mean? 161 00:08:34,563 --> 00:08:37,363 -He's a big fan. -What? 162 00:08:39,355 --> 00:08:42,015 So the thing is that Ranjeet over there messed up the line-up 163 00:08:42,105 --> 00:08:45,935 and accidently gave my spot to you, so I'm going to need that spot back. 164 00:08:46,021 --> 00:08:49,061 -No, I'll just talk to Ranjeet. Ranjeet-- -No, the thing is that 165 00:08:49,146 --> 00:08:52,976 I really need to be on stage today because I am... 166 00:08:53,813 --> 00:08:56,943 I'm very, very sad. 167 00:08:57,021 --> 00:08:59,231 I'm sorry. Why are you very, very sad? 168 00:09:00,938 --> 00:09:01,938 Because... 169 00:09:02,563 --> 00:09:04,483 -I'm stepping out for a smoke, okay? -Go, go. 170 00:09:04,563 --> 00:09:07,773 Because my rabbits died today. 171 00:09:07,855 --> 00:09:09,765 Vicky and Ricky. 172 00:09:10,563 --> 00:09:11,563 That's a bummer. 173 00:09:11,646 --> 00:09:14,396 And these two rabbits, they... That's all you had? 174 00:09:14,480 --> 00:09:16,360 Just those two rabbits all these years? 175 00:09:16,438 --> 00:09:18,808 So these rabbits, they didn't fuck like rabbits? 176 00:09:19,938 --> 00:09:22,268 -Are you flirting with me? -What? No! 177 00:09:22,355 --> 00:09:24,805 I mean, I am mourning. I am in deep, deep grief. 178 00:09:24,896 --> 00:09:25,726 Right. 179 00:09:25,813 --> 00:09:27,613 -And you're hitting on me. -No, I'm not. 180 00:09:27,688 --> 00:09:29,558 At least give me the spot and then hit on me. 181 00:09:29,646 --> 00:09:31,606 Jesus. I'm not hitting... Just take my spot. 182 00:09:31,688 --> 00:09:33,558 Thank you! I mean, thank you. 183 00:09:35,396 --> 00:09:39,516 So, unpopular opinion: I think only men should do MBAs. 184 00:09:39,605 --> 00:09:42,475 Why do girls need to do MBA? 185 00:09:42,563 --> 00:09:45,273 We come pre-trained in management right from the womb. 186 00:09:46,771 --> 00:09:50,361 Like, managing people? We've been doing it since childhood! 187 00:09:50,438 --> 00:09:55,398 We manage all those concerned relatives whose lives have been screwed. 188 00:09:55,480 --> 00:09:57,650 Like that aunt who just can't sleep peacefully 189 00:09:57,730 --> 00:09:59,770 till she sees us married. 190 00:10:01,646 --> 00:10:04,186 And negotiations. 191 00:10:04,813 --> 00:10:07,403 It's like we have a master's degree in it. 192 00:10:08,188 --> 00:10:09,688 Watch us bargain at vegetable stalls. 193 00:10:09,771 --> 00:10:12,521 We don't budge without a fat discount, plus freebies! 194 00:10:21,896 --> 00:10:24,266 Come on, it wasn’t that great a joke. 195 00:10:24,896 --> 00:10:27,106 Yes, Mom. It just got over. 196 00:10:27,188 --> 00:10:30,228 I am with Kapi. Will be there in half an hour. 197 00:10:30,313 --> 00:10:31,273 Yes, bye. 198 00:10:31,355 --> 00:10:32,765 ...special like Netflix. 199 00:10:32,855 --> 00:10:35,145 Just hold this. I'll be back in a minute. 200 00:10:35,230 --> 00:10:37,270 I don't know. Maybe I'll do it without that. 201 00:10:37,355 --> 00:10:39,895 -I'm just staying open-- -Sorry, excuse me. 202 00:10:39,980 --> 00:10:41,860 -It was nice meeting you. -See you. 203 00:10:41,938 --> 00:10:42,978 -Hey. -Hey. 204 00:10:43,063 --> 00:10:45,943 I just wanted to thank you for earlier, for the spot. 205 00:10:46,021 --> 00:10:47,521 -I'm Beanie. -Ravi. 206 00:10:47,605 --> 00:10:50,605 It's not every day somebody kills her fake rabbits to get a spot. 207 00:10:50,688 --> 00:10:51,898 You know how it is. 208 00:10:51,980 --> 00:10:55,770 Sometimes you just have to get on stage to work off a weird day. 209 00:10:55,855 --> 00:10:59,185 No, I hear you. I get you. Feels like you might owe me a drink, though. 210 00:10:59,271 --> 00:11:00,111 I'm sorry. 211 00:11:00,188 --> 00:11:03,768 You seem perfectly nice and all that, but my friend over there is waiting. 212 00:11:03,855 --> 00:11:05,855 I'm "perfectly nice." Ouch. 213 00:11:05,938 --> 00:11:07,188 What? How is that an insult? 214 00:11:07,271 --> 00:11:10,401 Well, no. It's like saying someone's incredibly mediocre. 215 00:11:10,480 --> 00:11:12,400 Well, you probably are incredibly mediocre. 216 00:11:12,480 --> 00:11:13,520 You're funny. 217 00:11:14,396 --> 00:11:15,556 -I agree. -Jesus! 218 00:11:15,646 --> 00:11:17,226 -Chirag Chatwani. -Beanie. 219 00:11:17,313 --> 00:11:20,403 I manage comedians, tours and festivals, 220 00:11:20,480 --> 00:11:22,650 -and I also try to-- -Wear a lot of hats? 221 00:11:24,813 --> 00:11:25,653 Sorry. 222 00:11:25,730 --> 00:11:28,650 So, New Faces. Are you interested? 223 00:11:28,730 --> 00:11:30,480 Ten-minute set, Saturday. 224 00:11:30,563 --> 00:11:33,193 -The showcase? -The showcase. 225 00:11:33,563 --> 00:11:34,943 For new comedians. 226 00:11:35,521 --> 00:11:36,811 It might launch your career. 227 00:11:36,896 --> 00:11:38,436 Lots of agents will come to see. 228 00:11:38,521 --> 00:11:40,441 Yeah, New Faces. Of course. 229 00:11:40,980 --> 00:11:43,190 -Who doesn't know New Faces? -Of course. 230 00:11:43,271 --> 00:11:44,311 I mean, even he knows. 231 00:11:44,396 --> 00:11:45,686 Sorry, I don't speak Hindi... 232 00:11:45,771 --> 00:11:47,981 But my engagement ceremony is this Saturday, so... 233 00:11:48,896 --> 00:11:51,016 I'm not a comic comic even... 234 00:11:51,105 --> 00:11:54,555 The point is you can become a "comic comic" 235 00:11:54,646 --> 00:11:56,186 if you come for the showcase. 236 00:11:56,271 --> 00:11:58,691 Anyway, if you change your mind, give me a call. 237 00:12:00,563 --> 00:12:02,023 -Yeah, I'll take a card, man. -Yeah. 238 00:12:02,105 --> 00:12:03,015 I'll send you my-- 239 00:12:03,938 --> 00:12:06,228 You passed on the showcase? What's wrong with you? 240 00:12:06,313 --> 00:12:07,863 -It's not a big deal, really. -No, no. 241 00:12:07,938 --> 00:12:09,358 And I'm not even a comic comic. 242 00:12:09,438 --> 00:12:12,728 What does that mean? It's a hobby? 'Cause if it is, you should knit. 243 00:12:12,813 --> 00:12:15,233 Then you don't have to take someone else's spot. 244 00:12:15,313 --> 00:12:17,773 This is the last time I do anything nice for anyone in India. 245 00:12:17,855 --> 00:12:18,975 That much I'm sure of. 246 00:12:20,188 --> 00:12:22,728 -Why is this coconut so worked up? -Coconut? 247 00:12:22,813 --> 00:12:25,443 Yeah, brown on the outside and white on the inside. 248 00:12:26,980 --> 00:12:29,310 And people should not talk about me in Hindi. 249 00:12:29,396 --> 00:12:30,606 It's not nice. 250 00:12:31,271 --> 00:12:32,191 It's really rude. 251 00:12:32,855 --> 00:12:33,765 It's rude! 252 00:12:35,730 --> 00:12:36,650 Weirdo. 253 00:12:41,896 --> 00:12:42,726 Hold this. 254 00:12:49,230 --> 00:12:51,560 Shruti! Shruti, come here. 255 00:12:51,646 --> 00:12:52,856 -Come here, quick! -I'm coming. 256 00:12:52,938 --> 00:12:53,898 Look at this. 257 00:12:54,521 --> 00:12:55,401 Come, come, come. 258 00:12:56,646 --> 00:12:59,306 Look at this suit. It'll look great on Arun, right? 259 00:12:59,396 --> 00:13:00,436 It costs 8,500 rupees! 260 00:13:02,063 --> 00:13:03,653 Yeah, it's not that great, actually. 261 00:13:03,730 --> 00:13:06,020 Let's just get them a fruit basket. 262 00:13:06,105 --> 00:13:09,475 Shruti, they're rich folks. We can't gift them oranges and bananas. 263 00:13:10,105 --> 00:13:11,685 Let's get them dry fruits then! 264 00:13:11,771 --> 00:13:14,481 Cashews, almonds, raisins, figs, pine nuts... 265 00:13:14,563 --> 00:13:15,403 This watch! 266 00:13:16,813 --> 00:13:18,113 It's meant for the rich. 267 00:13:19,438 --> 00:13:20,648 It costs two lakh rupees. 268 00:13:21,480 --> 00:13:24,360 So what? Can't we afford it? It's not meant only for the affluent. 269 00:13:24,438 --> 00:13:27,268 We'll make a fixed deposit withdrawal to purchase it! 270 00:13:27,355 --> 00:13:30,435 This is from... 271 00:13:31,605 --> 00:13:34,355 It's from Switzerland! Swiss! 272 00:13:34,438 --> 00:13:35,688 It's Swiss! 273 00:13:58,813 --> 00:14:02,363 -Listen, I wanted to talk-- -Arun, what's the time? 274 00:14:03,021 --> 00:14:03,981 7:15, Uncle. 275 00:14:04,730 --> 00:14:05,690 What watch is this? 276 00:14:06,271 --> 00:14:07,611 -Smartwatch? -Yeah. 277 00:14:08,105 --> 00:14:09,645 You deserve better than... 278 00:14:11,105 --> 00:14:12,305 Nevermind! 279 00:14:12,396 --> 00:14:14,476 Continue. Netflix! 280 00:14:15,105 --> 00:14:16,015 Continue. 281 00:14:20,230 --> 00:14:22,360 I can't wait for us to have our own house. 282 00:14:23,230 --> 00:14:24,230 Before I forget. 283 00:14:24,980 --> 00:14:28,860 Mom wanted you to select your dress. See this? 284 00:14:36,855 --> 00:14:39,435 -So, how many kids do you want? -What? 285 00:14:40,063 --> 00:14:41,153 What dress do you want? 286 00:14:44,438 --> 00:14:47,648 Anything. Whatever your mother likes. It's all nice. 287 00:14:47,730 --> 00:14:49,520 -Are you sure? -Yeah, yeah. 288 00:14:49,605 --> 00:14:50,435 Okay. 289 00:14:53,688 --> 00:14:54,558 Okay, listen... 290 00:14:55,438 --> 00:14:57,858 -There's something I wanted to discuss. -Tell me. 291 00:14:58,938 --> 00:15:03,898 There's a big comedy showcase this Saturday. 292 00:15:03,980 --> 00:15:09,110 It's quite a big deal. And they're giving me a ten-minute spot. 293 00:15:11,480 --> 00:15:16,060 I mean, obviously I told them I'm busy and I have plans. 294 00:15:16,646 --> 00:15:17,936 It is our engagement ceremony. 295 00:15:18,521 --> 00:15:21,521 But they considered you for it. That's nice. 296 00:15:22,146 --> 00:15:24,266 Right? I thought so, too! 297 00:15:25,188 --> 00:15:28,648 Kind of made me wonder... Should I be doing stand-up? 298 00:15:29,771 --> 00:15:32,731 Aren't you doing it already? I think it's such a cute hobby. 299 00:15:33,355 --> 00:15:34,265 No. 300 00:15:34,355 --> 00:15:37,395 Not just a hobby. Like professionally. 301 00:15:37,980 --> 00:15:39,940 You mean you'll quit your job? 302 00:15:41,313 --> 00:15:45,273 No. I mean, obviously not. That would be crazy. 303 00:15:46,605 --> 00:15:48,055 Just in my free time. 304 00:15:49,396 --> 00:15:51,556 You mean post-work and on weekends, too? 305 00:15:53,896 --> 00:15:56,146 Yeah, to see how it goes. 306 00:15:58,188 --> 00:16:00,058 Beanie, have you gone nuts? 307 00:16:00,688 --> 00:16:01,558 I mean... 308 00:16:01,646 --> 00:16:03,396 Even if it all goes well, 309 00:16:03,480 --> 00:16:06,940 and the off-chance that you do manage to crack it, then what? 310 00:16:07,021 --> 00:16:11,651 You'll do more shows, you'll go on tours, you'll be away for weeks. 311 00:16:11,730 --> 00:16:13,690 We'll constantly be apart. 312 00:16:14,480 --> 00:16:17,610 We'll just never see each other. Is that the life you want? 313 00:16:19,438 --> 00:16:21,108 Who am I to decide? 314 00:16:21,188 --> 00:16:24,558 It's your decision. And I'm sure you'll make the right one. 315 00:16:27,188 --> 00:16:28,978 Then what did you say? 316 00:16:29,063 --> 00:16:33,563 Obviously, Arun's right. I mean, it is a crazy idea, right? 317 00:16:34,313 --> 00:16:37,113 I cannot handle being a professional comic. 318 00:16:37,188 --> 00:16:39,558 Okay, at least your doubt has been cleared. 319 00:16:41,396 --> 00:16:43,726 Wait a minute. Where are you now? 320 00:16:47,313 --> 00:16:50,403 I've come to clear my doubt. Bye. 321 00:16:50,480 --> 00:16:52,650 Yeah, love is hard to find. 322 00:16:53,396 --> 00:16:57,476 I married a white woman. My parents are actually cool about it. 323 00:16:57,563 --> 00:17:01,773 They didn't try to discourage me the way traditional Indian parents 324 00:17:01,855 --> 00:17:04,805 who tell you that it can't work out just because she's white. 325 00:17:04,896 --> 00:17:07,686 But it didn't work out. She cheated, and now we're divorced. 326 00:17:07,771 --> 00:17:09,311 So thanks for nothing, Mom and Dad. 327 00:17:12,896 --> 00:17:14,606 These white comics are killing in India. 328 00:17:14,688 --> 00:17:17,728 But our local comics are no less, so coming up next... 329 00:17:23,105 --> 00:17:25,685 You know, for someone who's not a "comic comic," 330 00:17:25,771 --> 00:17:27,861 you spend a lot of time in comedy clubs. 331 00:17:29,230 --> 00:17:32,610 Funny. Hey, so I was thinking about your bit, 332 00:17:32,688 --> 00:17:34,268 and I think there's something there, 333 00:17:34,355 --> 00:17:36,515 you know, with your marrying the white woman 334 00:17:36,605 --> 00:17:40,975 as a way of getting back, kind of like a reverse imperialism. 335 00:17:43,021 --> 00:17:44,771 That's actually pretty good. Thanks. 336 00:17:44,855 --> 00:17:48,895 -So now we're even. Okay. -For you to take my spot? No. no. 337 00:17:48,980 --> 00:17:52,400 Wait. Are you hitting some other rooms? 'Cause this one's all booked up. 338 00:17:52,938 --> 00:17:53,808 Seriously? 339 00:17:55,646 --> 00:17:56,686 This is our thing, right? 340 00:17:56,771 --> 00:17:59,771 You give me your spot, I say, "Thank you," then you get annoyed. 341 00:17:59,855 --> 00:18:02,435 We don't have a thing. Also, you never said, "Thanks." 342 00:18:02,521 --> 00:18:04,361 Thanks! Thank you! 343 00:18:04,438 --> 00:18:05,978 -Too late. -I'm saying thanks. 344 00:18:06,063 --> 00:18:07,273 -Don't follow me. -What? 345 00:18:07,355 --> 00:18:11,605 So after I got divorced, I decided to come pursue stand-up here, in India. 346 00:18:11,688 --> 00:18:13,898 My parents were very confused, they're like, 347 00:18:13,980 --> 00:18:15,980 "Wait a second. We worked our asses off 348 00:18:16,063 --> 00:18:18,563 to leave India and now you're gonna go back?" 349 00:18:18,646 --> 00:18:21,476 All of a sudden, I'm the biggest disappointment in my family. 350 00:18:21,563 --> 00:18:22,943 And my sister's a dentist. 351 00:18:24,730 --> 00:18:26,650 Guys, smokers have all the luck. 352 00:18:26,730 --> 00:18:29,480 Have you seen how many smoke breaks they get in office? 353 00:18:29,563 --> 00:18:33,023 While I wait for one lunch break with my paratha and pickle jar, 354 00:18:33,105 --> 00:18:35,475 they chill outside, enjoying their tar! 355 00:18:36,646 --> 00:18:38,606 So, in America, this is a fact, 356 00:18:38,688 --> 00:18:41,898 Indian-Americans are the wealthiest minorities per capita. 357 00:18:42,480 --> 00:18:45,270 So, white people think all Indians are geniuses. 358 00:18:45,355 --> 00:18:46,685 I have to correct them. 359 00:18:46,771 --> 00:18:50,231 I'm like, "Hey, there are hundreds of millions of dumb Indians. 360 00:18:50,313 --> 00:18:51,813 They're just all in India." 361 00:18:55,188 --> 00:18:57,978 Dumb. Dumb. You're dumb. 362 00:18:58,063 --> 00:18:58,903 You're dumb. 363 00:19:01,271 --> 00:19:02,111 No? 364 00:19:03,105 --> 00:19:06,395 -That room sucked, no? -Yes, that was the problem, 365 00:19:06,480 --> 00:19:09,810 not that you insulted an entire country while being in the country. 366 00:19:10,730 --> 00:19:13,060 You're right. I need a drink. We should get a drink, right? 367 00:19:13,146 --> 00:19:13,976 Okay. 368 00:19:14,063 --> 00:19:15,903 -"Theek." -Now that was good. 369 00:19:15,980 --> 00:19:17,400 -Theek hai. -That was good. 370 00:19:17,980 --> 00:19:19,730 -Shukriya! -Shukriya! Theek hai. 371 00:19:21,105 --> 00:19:22,515 -Getting good at this. -Yeah. 372 00:19:24,563 --> 00:19:29,363 But seriously, why did you decide to do comedy in, like, a foreign country? 373 00:19:30,021 --> 00:19:32,521 Well, first of all, I'm Indian, just so you know. 374 00:19:32,605 --> 00:19:34,805 But also, the comedy scene here is exploding. 375 00:19:34,896 --> 00:19:38,856 It's the fastest growing in the world. There's a lot of opportunity for us here. 376 00:19:38,938 --> 00:19:40,188 For real. 377 00:19:40,271 --> 00:19:41,901 It's such a Gujju thing to say. 378 00:19:43,146 --> 00:19:44,146 It's probably true. 379 00:19:44,688 --> 00:19:45,978 No, but for real, it just... 380 00:19:46,063 --> 00:19:49,903 I don't know, it feels good to be doing what I wanna do everyday. 381 00:19:49,980 --> 00:19:51,440 And that's the dream, right? 382 00:19:53,980 --> 00:19:56,690 -Isn't it a little scary, though? -Here's the thing. 383 00:19:57,230 --> 00:20:00,110 Sleeping on a futon when you're 35 is not the worst thing. 384 00:20:00,813 --> 00:20:04,863 What's worse is sleeping on a king bed, next to someone you don't love, 385 00:20:04,938 --> 00:20:06,358 and you've got two kids, 386 00:20:06,438 --> 00:20:08,768 everyday, you wake up, you go to a job you hate. 387 00:20:09,396 --> 00:20:11,516 Then you'll be dreaming about that futon. 388 00:20:14,105 --> 00:20:16,555 -That's a great quote, by the way. -Thank you. 389 00:20:16,646 --> 00:20:17,936 By Bill Burr? 390 00:20:20,313 --> 00:20:23,023 For someone who's not a comic comic, you know a lot about comedy. 391 00:20:23,105 --> 00:20:25,805 Oh, my God, can we stop with the "comic comic" thing already? 392 00:20:25,896 --> 00:20:29,396 No, I'm serious. I don't understand why you're not doing the showcase. 393 00:20:29,480 --> 00:20:30,560 It's a huge deal. 394 00:20:32,313 --> 00:20:35,063 I'm not doing the showcase because Saturday is my roka. 395 00:20:35,146 --> 00:20:38,056 That's great, I'm happy for you. Question: what is a roka? 396 00:20:38,146 --> 00:20:41,606 A roka is the day you announce to the whole world 397 00:20:41,688 --> 00:20:44,608 that you're officially engaged so that, I don't know, 398 00:20:44,688 --> 00:20:46,858 people know to stop hitting on you or whatever. 399 00:20:49,480 --> 00:20:53,150 Well, you gotta go to that, obviously, it's super important. 400 00:20:54,230 --> 00:20:56,520 So thanks for all the Hindi lessons. 401 00:21:02,813 --> 00:21:06,273 Thanks, I had fun tonight. Wasn't expecting it, but... 402 00:21:06,355 --> 00:21:09,015 Maybe that's why it was so fun. 403 00:21:10,521 --> 00:21:12,111 Hey, good luck with your roka. 404 00:21:38,271 --> 00:21:40,061 She's looking like an angel. 405 00:21:51,646 --> 00:21:54,306 I don't understand what is happening with the economy. 406 00:21:54,396 --> 00:21:56,436 Economy, economy. Yes. 407 00:21:56,521 --> 00:22:00,651 Yes, you see, there is a severe cash crunch. 408 00:22:00,730 --> 00:22:04,270 There has to be capital infusion in the market. 409 00:22:04,355 --> 00:22:06,185 It is very necessary. 410 00:22:09,480 --> 00:22:10,860 Exactly, Sheila. 411 00:22:10,938 --> 00:22:16,688 You know, therapy has made me feel light, and weightless, and unburdened, you know. 412 00:22:16,771 --> 00:22:21,771 Therapy! Do you have knee pain? Don't worry, it tends to happen with age. 413 00:22:22,771 --> 00:22:26,691 Shruti, not physiotherapy, I mean psychotherapy. 414 00:22:26,771 --> 00:22:30,861 Okay. Psycho... Even that is quite beneficial. 415 00:22:44,063 --> 00:22:45,773 -You okay? -Yeah. 416 00:22:45,855 --> 00:22:48,475 I think... I think my back needs a break. 417 00:22:48,563 --> 00:22:49,523 Okay. 418 00:22:50,688 --> 00:22:51,978 Hello. 419 00:22:57,605 --> 00:23:00,895 Beanie, what's your mother-in-law's problem? 420 00:23:00,980 --> 00:23:03,360 I mean, is it her engagement or yours? 421 00:23:03,438 --> 00:23:06,688 She has turned you into a pigeon while she preens like a peacock. 422 00:23:07,355 --> 00:23:08,555 It's my mistake. 423 00:23:09,105 --> 00:23:11,105 I should have refused earlier. 424 00:23:11,188 --> 00:23:15,728 Always remember this. Especially after marriage. 425 00:23:15,813 --> 00:23:19,943 If something doesn't feel right, say it. Or you will regret it all your life. 426 00:23:21,396 --> 00:23:22,726 But what if it's too late? 427 00:23:23,605 --> 00:23:26,805 How can it be late? You two aren't even married yet. 428 00:23:27,896 --> 00:23:28,726 Beanie. 429 00:23:29,355 --> 00:23:30,355 Beanie. 430 00:23:31,896 --> 00:23:34,306 Beanie. Look at this. You father gifted me a Rolex. 431 00:23:34,855 --> 00:23:35,765 It's good, right? 432 00:23:36,355 --> 00:23:38,055 Come on, we're father and son now. 433 00:23:38,771 --> 00:23:40,441 What's mine is all yours. 434 00:23:40,521 --> 00:23:42,311 -Let's show it to everyone. -Uncle, hold on. 435 00:23:43,146 --> 00:23:45,016 It is time for Beanie's gift now. 436 00:23:45,105 --> 00:23:46,185 -Shall we? -Surprise. 437 00:23:46,271 --> 00:23:47,441 -Okay. -Come. 438 00:23:48,730 --> 00:23:50,310 Where are we going? 439 00:23:53,896 --> 00:23:55,856 What... what gift do you want to give? 440 00:23:55,938 --> 00:23:56,938 This is your gift. 441 00:23:58,271 --> 00:23:59,231 Surprise! 442 00:24:04,771 --> 00:24:06,561 Gross, dude, this is... 443 00:24:07,230 --> 00:24:10,310 Auntie, it's so beautiful. Just gorgeous. 444 00:24:11,688 --> 00:24:13,978 There are a couple of extra rooms, but in one year 445 00:24:14,063 --> 00:24:16,653 -they will be utilized, isn't it? -Mom, please. 446 00:24:17,813 --> 00:24:21,443 Beanie, what is this? Just look! 447 00:24:23,480 --> 00:24:24,650 Take you for a tour? 448 00:24:27,021 --> 00:24:29,731 Puja room. Guest bedroom one. 449 00:24:31,021 --> 00:24:33,651 -Guest bathroom. -Oh, my God! 450 00:24:34,605 --> 00:24:36,555 There is a dishwasher here! 451 00:24:37,188 --> 00:24:38,898 Darling, they have a dish washer here. 452 00:24:38,980 --> 00:24:42,060 You'll save on housekeeping expenses. Very good. 453 00:24:42,896 --> 00:24:44,686 -There's the kitchen, of course. -Yeah. 454 00:24:45,521 --> 00:24:46,901 Guest bedroom number two. 455 00:24:46,980 --> 00:24:48,440 Or shall we say, the nursery? 456 00:24:49,563 --> 00:24:51,773 And now, for the best part. 457 00:24:56,396 --> 00:25:00,976 This is our amazing master bedroom, with a king-size bed. 458 00:25:01,688 --> 00:25:02,938 For my Queen. 459 00:25:05,980 --> 00:25:10,440 Our Beanie is going to be a queen. With a king-size bed. 460 00:25:10,521 --> 00:25:12,061 Why is there a balloon there? 461 00:25:13,480 --> 00:25:14,770 Rich people... 462 00:25:14,855 --> 00:25:16,555 Such smell. 463 00:25:32,230 --> 00:25:33,810 Congratulations, darling. 464 00:25:40,938 --> 00:25:43,438 -I'm sorry. I'm sorry. -What? 465 00:25:44,396 --> 00:25:46,726 I can't do this. I'm sorry, Arun. 466 00:25:47,646 --> 00:25:49,686 -I can't do this. -What happened, Beanie? 467 00:25:49,771 --> 00:25:51,231 -I can't do this. -What do you mean? 468 00:25:51,313 --> 00:25:52,653 -Beanie. -Beanie! Hey, Beanie! 469 00:25:52,730 --> 00:25:54,560 -Beanie. -Hey, Beanie. 470 00:25:54,646 --> 00:25:56,306 -Hey, Beanie! -Beanie! 471 00:25:56,396 --> 00:25:58,606 -Beanie, where are you going? -Beanie! 472 00:25:59,938 --> 00:26:02,438 Arun, I love you, but I can't do this. 473 00:26:02,521 --> 00:26:04,651 Can't do what? What are you saying? 474 00:26:11,271 --> 00:26:12,901 -I want to do stand-up. -What? 475 00:26:12,980 --> 00:26:14,110 -What? -What? 476 00:26:14,188 --> 00:26:16,148 -What? -Stand up on what? 477 00:26:17,146 --> 00:26:19,896 -I'm really sorry, Arun. -Sorry? 478 00:26:19,980 --> 00:26:22,400 -Beanie! -I'll go get her! 479 00:26:25,105 --> 00:26:26,355 Are you okay? 480 00:26:26,438 --> 00:26:28,898 I have to throw up. Shit! 481 00:26:30,771 --> 00:26:31,861 Let's go. 482 00:26:31,938 --> 00:26:35,728 Please don't puke inside, my cab ride rating is quite bad. Let's go, please. 483 00:26:38,063 --> 00:26:39,063 Give me the phone! 484 00:26:42,855 --> 00:26:46,685 -Dude, this VIP. -Hi, Beanie. VIP this side. 485 00:26:46,771 --> 00:26:49,271 I know your engagement is difficult for both of us. 486 00:26:49,355 --> 00:26:53,305 Especially after that moment we shared at the Diwali party in 2016. 487 00:26:53,396 --> 00:26:56,976 But I should’ve received those reports by yesterday evening. 488 00:26:57,063 --> 00:26:58,813 Please try and be professional. 489 00:26:59,771 --> 00:27:03,441 VIP, I’ve always been an extremely professional 490 00:27:03,521 --> 00:27:04,901 and sincere employee. 491 00:27:04,980 --> 00:27:08,810 Whatever work was given, I did. I even did what wasn't asked of me. 492 00:27:08,896 --> 00:27:12,806 Despite the fact that I am least interested in this job! 493 00:27:16,230 --> 00:27:18,480 I am least interested in this job. 494 00:27:19,105 --> 00:27:19,935 I resign, VIP. 495 00:27:21,813 --> 00:27:23,773 I quit. I'm done. 496 00:27:23,855 --> 00:27:27,645 And for the last time, nothing happened between us. There was no moment. 497 00:27:27,730 --> 00:27:29,610 A rasgulla was stuck in your throat. 498 00:27:29,688 --> 00:27:33,518 and I patted your back, so you don't choke and die. 499 00:27:34,313 --> 00:27:38,023 Anyway, it doesn't matter now because I resign. Bye! 500 00:27:39,313 --> 00:27:40,983 Well done, my tigress. 501 00:27:42,771 --> 00:27:45,401 Have you created enough terror or is there more? 502 00:27:46,021 --> 00:27:47,311 Let me remove this fancy dress. 503 00:27:47,396 --> 00:27:49,766 Time to bring on our next comic on the showcase. 504 00:27:49,855 --> 00:27:54,355 Give it up for the Runaway Bride of Mahim, Beanie Bhatnagar! 505 00:27:55,105 --> 00:27:58,645 Hi, guys, I'm Beanie Bhatnagar, and... 506 00:28:04,938 --> 00:28:06,108 I'm... 507 00:28:07,980 --> 00:28:09,310 I'm a stand-up comic.