1 00:00:14,271 --> 00:00:17,231 Is lunch ready, Ma? Please hurry, I'm starving! 2 00:00:18,438 --> 00:00:21,188 Hi, Papa. Has your anger cooled down now? 3 00:00:22,146 --> 00:00:22,976 Shruti! 4 00:00:26,146 --> 00:00:27,976 What happened? Who died? 5 00:00:29,105 --> 00:00:29,935 Hey! 6 00:00:30,771 --> 00:00:31,981 Hey! 7 00:00:32,730 --> 00:00:35,060 Are you going on a trip? First honeymoon ever? 8 00:00:36,521 --> 00:00:38,231 These are the rest of your clothes. 9 00:00:39,855 --> 00:00:40,685 Why? 10 00:00:41,521 --> 00:00:44,441 What happened? You invited me for lunch yesterday. 11 00:00:44,521 --> 00:00:45,611 We saw your show. 12 00:00:45,688 --> 00:00:47,268 Yesterday, I slept with that boy. 13 00:00:47,355 --> 00:00:49,935 Shruti, stop it. I don't want to listen to her cheap comedy. 14 00:00:50,855 --> 00:00:52,725 I don't even want to see your face. 15 00:00:54,021 --> 00:00:54,981 Papa, I'm sorry... 16 00:00:56,730 --> 00:00:57,940 Is this true, Beanie? 17 00:01:01,563 --> 00:01:02,813 If this is true... 18 00:01:03,896 --> 00:01:05,396 you can't live here, Bindiya. 19 00:01:08,563 --> 00:01:09,613 Mom, I... 20 00:01:54,730 --> 00:01:59,810 Hey, it's me. I know you're angry, but can you please call me back? Please. 21 00:02:01,271 --> 00:02:02,811 I know you're hearing this, Beanie. 22 00:02:02,896 --> 00:02:06,016 You're incapable of getting a voice note and not playing it, so-- 23 00:02:07,730 --> 00:02:09,150 See? What did I tell you? 24 00:02:11,480 --> 00:02:13,440 What a desperate loser! 25 00:02:16,938 --> 00:02:19,768 Kap, you made breakfast for me. 26 00:02:19,855 --> 00:02:21,605 So sweet. You shouldn't have. 27 00:02:22,355 --> 00:02:24,475 I didn't. It's for my blog. 28 00:02:26,938 --> 00:02:28,148 What a spread! 29 00:02:33,646 --> 00:02:35,856 That's not whipped cream, it's shaving cream. 30 00:02:35,938 --> 00:02:37,608 Looks good on camera. 31 00:02:37,688 --> 00:02:40,938 What the hell! I can't even drown my sorrow in sugar. 32 00:02:41,021 --> 00:02:43,021 Listen, I have good news for you. 33 00:02:43,105 --> 00:02:45,355 You remember Sakshi Khanna? My wannabe friend? 34 00:02:45,438 --> 00:02:49,398 The one who apparently got lipo and a nose job? 35 00:02:49,980 --> 00:02:51,310 She's getting married next week. 36 00:02:52,521 --> 00:02:56,691 News of Sakshi's wedding will definitely make my parents forgive me. 37 00:02:56,771 --> 00:02:58,481 Listen to the whole story. 38 00:02:58,563 --> 00:02:59,733 She saw your show last week. 39 00:02:59,813 --> 00:03:03,653 And she wants you to perform at her pre-wedding ceremony in Pune. 40 00:03:04,563 --> 00:03:08,523 Kap, my parents have just seen me tell a room full of people 41 00:03:08,605 --> 00:03:11,185 about how I fucked a married man in a bathroom. 42 00:03:11,271 --> 00:03:13,861 I mean, should I really be performing this in public? 43 00:03:13,938 --> 00:03:15,558 Yes, dude. 44 00:03:15,646 --> 00:03:17,436 Okay, forget about your mom and dad. 45 00:03:18,146 --> 00:03:19,856 Didn't you enjoy performing? 46 00:03:21,563 --> 00:03:23,903 -Yes. -And people enjoyed watching you perform. 47 00:03:25,396 --> 00:03:28,226 I mean, that's why you quit everything to do comedy. 48 00:03:29,688 --> 00:03:31,558 So we are going. 49 00:03:32,188 --> 00:03:34,058 She's going to give you 50,000. 50 00:03:35,063 --> 00:03:38,363 I mean, I think you can finally get off my couch. 51 00:03:42,313 --> 00:03:46,063 Well, I guess we're going to Pune then. 52 00:03:47,105 --> 00:03:49,355 We are going to Pune! 53 00:03:53,355 --> 00:03:57,265 It's time to party in Pune! 54 00:04:07,313 --> 00:04:10,653 Balle-balle! You're rocking, Pune! 55 00:04:12,396 --> 00:04:14,306 I'm just vibing. 56 00:04:14,396 --> 00:04:17,266 Anyway, you and your set, you're all set, right? 57 00:04:17,355 --> 00:04:20,055 Kap, it's a half-Punjabi half-Tamilian wedding. 58 00:04:20,146 --> 00:04:23,766 I will have to create some cross-culture humor, dude. A few inter-caste jokes, 59 00:04:23,855 --> 00:04:28,475 throw in some religion for flavor, and end it with sex and politics. 60 00:04:28,563 --> 00:04:30,443 So set is set. 61 00:04:30,521 --> 00:04:33,651 Good, because Chirag Chatwani is standing right there! 62 00:04:36,105 --> 00:04:38,145 Shit! What's he doing here? 63 00:04:38,230 --> 00:04:41,360 It's an Indian wedding, dude. He could be the bride's uncle's cousin's father. 64 00:04:41,438 --> 00:04:43,858 -Who cares? -Do you think he remembers me? 65 00:04:43,938 --> 00:04:47,018 You tripped on the stage. No one can forget that. 66 00:04:47,896 --> 00:04:49,396 Okay. Look here. 67 00:04:49,480 --> 00:04:52,060 Listen, this is actually a really good thing. 68 00:04:52,146 --> 00:04:55,016 If you kill it tonight, he might give you a second chance! 69 00:04:56,188 --> 00:04:58,148 -Go and say hi. -Are you mad? 70 00:04:58,230 --> 00:04:59,900 -Go! -Don't do this. 71 00:05:00,438 --> 00:05:02,478 -Don't do this. Let it go. -Come on. 72 00:05:08,813 --> 00:05:10,523 -Hi. -Hi. 73 00:05:11,521 --> 00:05:12,361 Beanie. 74 00:05:12,438 --> 00:05:16,558 Yes, Beanie "The Showcase Bomber" Bhatnagar. 75 00:05:17,271 --> 00:05:18,861 People really liked you. 76 00:05:19,605 --> 00:05:23,475 When Sakshi told me that you are coming, I was quite surprised. 77 00:05:23,563 --> 00:05:25,943 I was going to bring my niece to perform in your place. 78 00:05:26,021 --> 00:05:26,901 She's ten. 79 00:05:27,480 --> 00:05:28,900 Come on, Chirag. 80 00:05:28,980 --> 00:05:32,020 I ran from my engagement and went on stage, give some credit. 81 00:05:32,105 --> 00:05:33,395 Yes, the credit goes to you. 82 00:05:33,480 --> 00:05:37,310 After I saw your "Sex and Lies" set, I was quite impressed. 83 00:05:37,396 --> 00:05:39,356 So I'm looking forward to your set tonight. 84 00:05:40,480 --> 00:05:41,480 Thank you. 85 00:05:41,563 --> 00:05:42,693 Sorry, got to take this. 86 00:05:42,771 --> 00:05:45,021 Yes, babe. Tell me. 87 00:05:46,021 --> 00:05:50,941 Babe, it's Noida! Carry a knife with pepper spray and stab two or three people. 88 00:05:51,021 --> 00:05:52,561 Hey, listen, one second! 89 00:05:52,646 --> 00:05:54,106 Ace this, and this could be you. 90 00:05:54,188 --> 00:05:56,938 Yeah, what was I saying? Listen. 91 00:05:58,271 --> 00:06:00,231 How did it go? How was it? What did he say? 92 00:06:01,063 --> 00:06:02,693 It was great, man! 93 00:06:02,771 --> 00:06:05,021 He said he's really looking forward to my set. 94 00:06:05,105 --> 00:06:07,435 See? I told you you should come here. 95 00:06:07,521 --> 00:06:08,981 Now just kill it tonight. 96 00:06:10,188 --> 00:06:11,188 Okay, listen! 97 00:06:11,896 --> 00:06:13,856 That DJ guy is so cute! 98 00:06:13,938 --> 00:06:15,188 You think he would have weed? 99 00:06:15,271 --> 00:06:18,441 Kapi, look at him. He has weed growing off his face! 100 00:06:20,063 --> 00:06:21,153 -You are fine, right? -Yes. 101 00:06:21,230 --> 00:06:23,150 'Cause I really wanna score tonight. 102 00:06:25,146 --> 00:06:27,056 Go for it, sis! 103 00:06:30,521 --> 00:06:33,191 -Hi! -Hi, how are you? 104 00:06:33,271 --> 00:06:34,361 I'm great. 105 00:06:41,105 --> 00:06:43,105 Bro, five rum and cokes. 106 00:06:46,563 --> 00:06:49,523 -Listen, do you have-- -Bro, I said five rum and cokes! 107 00:06:50,813 --> 00:06:52,903 Aren't you a little young to be drinking? 108 00:06:53,563 --> 00:06:55,483 Aren't you a little old to be alone? 109 00:06:55,563 --> 00:06:57,313 What? Is that how you speak to your elders? 110 00:06:57,396 --> 00:06:59,106 Okay, sorry, aunty. 111 00:06:59,188 --> 00:07:01,188 I'm not an aunty. Call me "elder sister." 112 00:07:01,896 --> 00:07:03,476 Rameet, what are you doing at the bar? 113 00:07:03,563 --> 00:07:05,403 Bye, aunties! Carry on! 114 00:07:06,855 --> 00:07:10,185 I'm so sorry about my nephew. He's such a brat. 115 00:07:10,271 --> 00:07:11,611 Do we look like "aunties"? 116 00:07:12,605 --> 00:07:14,265 I mean, you definitely don't. 117 00:07:14,855 --> 00:07:16,645 Thanks. That's really sweet! 118 00:07:17,521 --> 00:07:19,561 -Two wines? -Yeah, actually, I was... 119 00:07:20,271 --> 00:07:21,401 Two wines, please. 120 00:07:22,605 --> 00:07:24,305 So, from the girl's side or the boy's? 121 00:07:24,855 --> 00:07:27,185 Neither. I am here to perform stand-up tonight. 122 00:07:27,271 --> 00:07:30,481 Stand-up? I wish I had the guts do that, man. 123 00:07:31,021 --> 00:07:32,401 I am just a boring lawyer. 124 00:07:32,480 --> 00:07:35,940 -Boring lawyer also have their advantages. -Really? 125 00:07:36,021 --> 00:07:40,861 Yeah. Stability, happy parents, not having to go to Noida. 126 00:07:40,938 --> 00:07:41,768 That's true. 127 00:07:41,855 --> 00:07:45,475 Don't tell me you have a perfect husband, because then I will shoot myself. 128 00:07:45,563 --> 00:07:46,943 No, but... 129 00:07:47,021 --> 00:07:49,771 My parents have set me up with this arranged thing 130 00:07:49,855 --> 00:07:51,765 -and surprisingly, it's pretty awesome. -Really? 131 00:07:51,855 --> 00:07:55,435 Yeah, the guy is handsome, supportive, the family is also pretty nice. 132 00:07:56,105 --> 00:07:58,685 Speaking of him... Hi, baby! 133 00:07:59,313 --> 00:08:00,403 Arun... 134 00:08:00,980 --> 00:08:02,980 -Beanie! -Arun. 135 00:08:04,271 --> 00:08:05,691 Wait, she's Triple B? 136 00:08:07,230 --> 00:08:09,020 -What's Triple B? -Beautiful, bold-- 137 00:08:09,105 --> 00:08:10,395 Backstabbing Beanie Bhatnagar. 138 00:08:11,355 --> 00:08:14,475 -Doesn't she look different in her photos? -Nevermind. 139 00:08:14,563 --> 00:08:16,363 -What are you doing here? -Wait. Different how? 140 00:08:16,438 --> 00:08:17,268 You know... 141 00:08:20,355 --> 00:08:21,395 Nevermind. 142 00:08:21,480 --> 00:08:25,060 You guys catch up. And I'll see you on the dance floor, Rooney? 143 00:08:25,146 --> 00:08:25,976 -Yes. -Yeah. 144 00:08:26,771 --> 00:08:30,861 It was a pleasure meeting you, Triple B. 145 00:08:33,813 --> 00:08:36,613 -Rooney. She's-- -She's great. 146 00:08:37,271 --> 00:08:39,401 Yeah, she is great. 147 00:08:40,105 --> 00:08:43,015 I mean, you found yourself a Bollywood heroine! 148 00:08:43,855 --> 00:08:45,435 -You and your jokes. -Right? 149 00:08:45,980 --> 00:08:47,520 So, how are you? 150 00:08:48,188 --> 00:08:49,688 I'm fine. How are you? 151 00:08:50,313 --> 00:08:52,733 -I'm great. -Yeah, I'm also great. 152 00:08:53,438 --> 00:08:55,268 I am here to perform a stand-up. 153 00:08:55,355 --> 00:08:58,645 I just met an agent who's, like, a really big deal. So, yeah. 154 00:08:58,730 --> 00:09:01,650 Nice! So what does that mean for you? 155 00:09:02,230 --> 00:09:04,610 It means I'm great. I'm going on a comedy tour. 156 00:09:05,230 --> 00:09:07,020 Fantastic. When? Where? 157 00:09:09,188 --> 00:09:11,898 Next month. Uttar Pradesh, Noida. 158 00:09:13,688 --> 00:09:16,308 -That's awesome. -Yeah, yeah. 159 00:09:16,396 --> 00:09:19,056 Noida has a really rocking comedy scene, actually. 160 00:09:19,730 --> 00:09:20,560 I'm sure. 161 00:09:26,105 --> 00:09:27,605 Riya is waiting for me, so... 162 00:09:27,688 --> 00:09:28,858 I think I should go. 163 00:09:29,480 --> 00:09:30,690 Yeah, of course. 164 00:09:31,855 --> 00:09:32,685 Bye. 165 00:09:41,355 --> 00:09:42,765 Kap, listen! 166 00:09:42,855 --> 00:09:43,975 Excuse me. 167 00:09:44,063 --> 00:09:46,733 -You won't believe who is here! -Prime Minister Modi? 168 00:09:47,355 --> 00:09:48,515 Why would Modi come here? 169 00:09:48,605 --> 00:09:50,765 Exactly. That's why I won't believe it. 170 00:09:50,855 --> 00:09:54,395 Kapi, focus. Look there. Arun and his girlfriend. 171 00:09:55,313 --> 00:09:56,943 He scored a total stunner! 172 00:09:57,521 --> 00:10:00,731 Seems like it. How did he get her? 173 00:10:03,355 --> 00:10:06,225 Why's her hair flying in slow motion? 174 00:10:07,980 --> 00:10:13,110 Okay, listen. If you wanted to be that good-looking, rich housewife like her-- 175 00:10:13,188 --> 00:10:15,438 She's not a housewife, Kapi. She's a lawyer. 176 00:10:15,521 --> 00:10:18,481 She doesn't want to get married. She's focusing on her career. 177 00:10:18,563 --> 00:10:21,903 And that idiot Arun is supporting her. Our Arun. I mean, my Arun. 178 00:10:22,896 --> 00:10:24,476 He sure moved on quickly. 179 00:10:24,563 --> 00:10:25,523 I know! 180 00:10:26,063 --> 00:10:29,563 And you know what they named me? Backstabbing Beanie Bhatnagar. 181 00:10:29,646 --> 00:10:31,646 Fucker developed a sense of humor also. 182 00:10:33,063 --> 00:10:37,273 Okay, listen. You're here to sort your comedy career. Remember that. 183 00:10:37,355 --> 00:10:39,605 Why was your set about sex such a hit? 184 00:10:39,688 --> 00:10:42,478 'Cause I fucked a man in a bathroom and then he fucked me over? 185 00:10:42,563 --> 00:10:43,733 No! 186 00:10:43,813 --> 00:10:46,193 Because you are fucking funny, okay? 187 00:10:46,271 --> 00:10:49,151 And this heroine Riya has got nothing on you. 188 00:10:49,230 --> 00:10:50,270 Focus. 189 00:10:50,938 --> 00:10:53,808 Yes, thanks. I have got to kill tonight. 190 00:10:54,730 --> 00:10:56,400 I must focus only on my career. 191 00:10:56,480 --> 00:10:58,940 What else can Backstabbing Beanie look forward to? 192 00:11:00,896 --> 00:11:02,856 So, where were we? 193 00:11:02,938 --> 00:11:07,228 Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to Sakshi and Jag's pre-wedding ceremony. 194 00:11:08,355 --> 00:11:13,895 To present Sakshi and Jag's love story, we have Sakshi's stunning cousin Riya, 195 00:11:13,980 --> 00:11:16,940 and her oh-so-charming boyfriend, Arun! 196 00:11:17,021 --> 00:11:18,691 Riya! Riya. Come. 197 00:11:18,771 --> 00:11:21,311 Are you fucking kidding me? 198 00:11:21,896 --> 00:11:24,186 -Shit. I'm going to be right back. -Yes. 199 00:11:50,855 --> 00:11:55,105 Hey, my friend, listen to my bangles 200 00:11:55,188 --> 00:11:58,808 In a far off country is my husband's house 201 00:11:58,896 --> 00:12:03,016 I have crossed seven seas to make you mine 202 00:12:03,105 --> 00:12:07,435 To love you across the sands of time 203 00:12:07,521 --> 00:12:11,561 My allure sets the world on fire 204 00:12:11,646 --> 00:12:15,106 A glimpse of me is all they desire 205 00:12:15,188 --> 00:12:18,858 But all I want is you 206 00:12:18,938 --> 00:12:22,768 My love, oh, my love 207 00:12:22,855 --> 00:12:26,975 My love, every time you look into my eyes 208 00:12:27,063 --> 00:12:30,983 Oh, that sweet love cuts me like a knife 209 00:12:31,063 --> 00:12:34,983 My love, every time you look into my eyes 210 00:12:35,063 --> 00:12:38,693 Oh, that sweet love cuts me like a knife 211 00:12:38,771 --> 00:12:42,811 Oh, that sweet love cuts me like a knife 212 00:12:42,896 --> 00:12:47,936 Oh, that sweet love cuts me like a knife 213 00:12:48,730 --> 00:12:51,900 Didn't you say she's a lawyer? When did she become a showgirl? 214 00:12:51,980 --> 00:12:55,310 And since when did boring Arun start dancing? 215 00:12:55,396 --> 00:12:57,686 -I want to tell everyone -What? 216 00:12:57,771 --> 00:12:59,771 -Life is like a chore -Oh, no 217 00:12:59,855 --> 00:13:02,855 Can't take this distance anymore 218 00:13:02,938 --> 00:13:06,768 -Hey, my love -My love 219 00:13:06,855 --> 00:13:11,055 My love, every time you look into my eyes 220 00:13:11,146 --> 00:13:14,806 Oh, that sweet love cuts me like a knife 221 00:13:14,896 --> 00:13:18,686 My love, every time you look into my eyes 222 00:13:18,771 --> 00:13:22,611 Oh, that sweet love cuts me like a knife 223 00:13:23,688 --> 00:13:24,728 I can't take this anymore. 224 00:13:24,813 --> 00:13:26,863 ...cuts me like a knife... 225 00:13:26,938 --> 00:13:27,978 Neither can I! 226 00:13:28,063 --> 00:13:33,983 ...cuts me like a knife 227 00:13:35,355 --> 00:13:38,645 Make some noise for Sakshi and Jag! 228 00:13:40,105 --> 00:13:41,305 Oh, my love 229 00:13:45,355 --> 00:13:47,645 Hey, my love 230 00:13:50,105 --> 00:13:52,395 Hey, Beanie. Hey. 231 00:13:53,063 --> 00:13:55,313 -Oh, my God, there you are. Hey. -You, too. 232 00:13:56,480 --> 00:13:58,270 What the fuck are you doing here? Stalking me? 233 00:13:58,355 --> 00:14:02,015 No. No, I'm not stalking you. I just... I've been tracking you down 234 00:14:02,105 --> 00:14:05,305 because you're not responding to my calls, or texts, or emails. 235 00:14:05,396 --> 00:14:08,016 It is literally the definition of stalking. 236 00:14:08,896 --> 00:14:09,976 Beanie, are you okay? 237 00:14:11,855 --> 00:14:13,435 Who is he? Is he troubling you? 238 00:14:13,521 --> 00:14:16,811 No, I'm not a stalker, man. I'm sorry, can you give us a second here? 239 00:14:16,896 --> 00:14:17,726 Why? 240 00:14:18,313 --> 00:14:20,613 -Sorry, who the fuck are you? -Who the fuck are you? 241 00:14:20,688 --> 00:14:22,648 -He's my ex. -F... 242 00:14:24,480 --> 00:14:26,810 -This is awkward. -Seriously. Who the fuck are you? 243 00:14:26,896 --> 00:14:29,016 -I'm the other guy. -He's not the other guy. 244 00:14:29,105 --> 00:14:30,975 Well, I was the other guy. 245 00:14:31,063 --> 00:14:32,943 He is no guy and he's leaving. 246 00:14:34,730 --> 00:14:36,650 Seriously, Beanie? This short asshole? 247 00:14:37,230 --> 00:14:38,060 Hey... 248 00:14:38,980 --> 00:14:41,900 You know, just... please leave, Ravi. All right? Goodbye. 249 00:14:41,980 --> 00:14:44,690 Beanie, wait. Wait! Please! Just one minute. Please? 250 00:14:44,771 --> 00:14:46,861 -Please. -All right. Yeah. One minute. Go. 251 00:14:47,980 --> 00:14:49,650 You want me to talk to your back? 252 00:14:50,271 --> 00:14:52,311 No, it's fine. Hey, listen. Look. I'm... 253 00:14:53,688 --> 00:14:56,018 I'm sorry, okay? You were right. I was... 254 00:14:57,355 --> 00:14:58,265 Look, yes. 255 00:14:58,855 --> 00:15:00,145 I have a wife. 256 00:15:00,230 --> 00:15:02,360 And I should have told you about it. It's just-- 257 00:15:02,438 --> 00:15:04,978 Just what? Just wanted to fuck me first. 258 00:15:05,063 --> 00:15:08,313 No! I mean... At first, yes. I mean, no. 259 00:15:08,396 --> 00:15:10,726 -When you put it that way, it-- -How would you put it? 260 00:15:11,730 --> 00:15:15,270 I like you. Like, a lot. And... 261 00:15:16,355 --> 00:15:18,475 Look, I was gonna tell you, okay? I just... 262 00:15:18,563 --> 00:15:21,363 I was waiting for the right time, I didn't want to mess things up-- 263 00:15:21,438 --> 00:15:23,308 Whatever. You're a fraud, Ravi. 264 00:15:23,396 --> 00:15:25,226 I'm literally at this wedding 265 00:15:25,313 --> 00:15:27,943 because you told me to follow my truth no matter what the cost. 266 00:15:28,021 --> 00:15:28,861 Beanie. 267 00:15:28,938 --> 00:15:32,608 And the cost of that has been every single relationship that I hold dear in my life 268 00:15:32,688 --> 00:15:33,978 and the very home I sleep in. 269 00:15:34,063 --> 00:15:34,903 I-- 270 00:15:34,980 --> 00:15:36,860 Now, excuse me. I have a show to get back to. 271 00:15:36,938 --> 00:15:38,808 Can we just talk? Beanie... 272 00:15:50,230 --> 00:15:52,060 -Hey! There you are. -Hi, Beanie. 273 00:15:52,146 --> 00:15:53,766 So excited you're doing this. 274 00:15:53,855 --> 00:15:57,395 Just wanted to discuss some basic rules. So, I'm a Punjabi, 275 00:15:57,480 --> 00:16:00,230 he's Tamilian... So, inter-caste jokes are an absolute no. 276 00:16:00,313 --> 00:16:01,653 That's obvious. 277 00:16:01,730 --> 00:16:04,310 Keep away from religion. Just play it safe, you know? 278 00:16:04,396 --> 00:16:06,356 And no politically incorrect jokes, okay? 279 00:16:06,438 --> 00:16:07,858 People are touchy these days. 280 00:16:07,938 --> 00:16:09,978 Speaking of touching, no sex. 281 00:16:10,063 --> 00:16:11,903 Don't want to scandalize the grandparents. 282 00:16:11,980 --> 00:16:13,400 -Obviously. -Obviously. 283 00:16:13,480 --> 00:16:15,610 Other than that, have fun with it. 284 00:16:15,688 --> 00:16:16,938 -PG. PG. -Yeah. 285 00:16:17,021 --> 00:16:19,731 And now, ladies and gentlemen, 286 00:16:19,813 --> 00:16:24,563 it's time for the very funny and talented Ms. Beanie Bhatnagar! 287 00:16:45,938 --> 00:16:50,688 Hi. Hello. Namaste. 288 00:16:51,271 --> 00:16:55,151 Lots of Tamilians in here tonight, right? How do you say it... Vanakkam? 289 00:16:55,230 --> 00:16:58,730 Vanakkam? Ma'am, did I get it right? 290 00:17:01,480 --> 00:17:06,860 So, I am here to tell you jokes and... Oh, no. 291 00:17:06,938 --> 00:17:12,108 This mister looks disappointed. He was looking forward to more dancing. 292 00:17:13,146 --> 00:17:17,556 What happened, mister? Shakira's hips don't lie but they do need a break! 293 00:17:20,521 --> 00:17:23,311 And what's this stag party going on here? 294 00:17:23,396 --> 00:17:26,806 -Where's your dear wife? -She's there, having dinner. 295 00:17:26,896 --> 00:17:28,106 Okay. 296 00:17:28,188 --> 00:17:31,808 His wife is the general leading the battle at that food counter. 297 00:17:32,896 --> 00:17:35,686 Ma'am! Leave the food, check on your husband! 298 00:17:35,771 --> 00:17:37,771 See that glint in his roving eyes. 299 00:17:38,313 --> 00:17:41,313 He's not here to find a bride for his son, 300 00:17:41,396 --> 00:17:43,976 but to find a second wife for himself. 301 00:17:46,938 --> 00:17:48,148 But seriously, guys. 302 00:17:48,230 --> 00:17:53,610 Ladies just have this whole different vibe during weddings. 303 00:17:53,688 --> 00:17:58,558 They want to hog on the snacks, play the bitchy fashion police, 304 00:17:58,646 --> 00:18:00,476 and find their darling son a wife. 305 00:18:01,688 --> 00:18:05,148 Look at those ladies there. They're at it. 306 00:18:05,230 --> 00:18:07,610 One of them even cornered Sakshi. 307 00:18:08,146 --> 00:18:10,646 "Sweetheart, are you single?" 308 00:18:11,605 --> 00:18:12,855 No, seriously, guys. 309 00:18:12,938 --> 00:18:17,518 I don't understand how people make their marriage last. 310 00:18:18,105 --> 00:18:18,935 I mean... 311 00:18:20,230 --> 00:18:22,270 Good point to raise at a wedding. 312 00:18:24,105 --> 00:18:25,015 No, but seriously. 313 00:18:25,730 --> 00:18:28,150 My engagement barely lasted for 50 seconds. 314 00:18:32,313 --> 00:18:36,113 And my timing is so amazing, I realized that very day, 315 00:18:36,188 --> 00:18:38,858 that I've been a silent spectator to my own life, too. 316 00:18:39,563 --> 00:18:43,233 After all, what does Indian parenting teach their daughters? 317 00:18:44,021 --> 00:18:45,021 To always obey. 318 00:18:46,063 --> 00:18:49,063 -"Dear, don't wear shorts." -"Yes, Mom." 319 00:18:49,605 --> 00:18:52,185 "Sweetheart, don't roam around with boys at night." 320 00:18:52,271 --> 00:18:53,311 "Yes, Papa!" 321 00:18:53,396 --> 00:18:57,516 By the way, Papa, what happens at night can happen in the day, too. 322 00:19:00,855 --> 00:19:03,685 And then one day, "Sweetheart, I have fixed your wedding 323 00:19:03,771 --> 00:19:05,731 and your kids will be named Tom, Dick, Harry." 324 00:19:05,813 --> 00:19:06,983 "Yes, Papa." What? 325 00:19:09,938 --> 00:19:12,938 Okay, so it's not like I was forced into it. 326 00:19:14,855 --> 00:19:19,225 But the day he proposed nobody waited for my answer. 327 00:19:21,438 --> 00:19:22,808 Not even my boyfriend. 328 00:19:25,730 --> 00:19:27,110 I thought, "It's okay. 329 00:19:28,396 --> 00:19:29,646 Maybe this is how it happens." 330 00:19:29,730 --> 00:19:31,860 After all, they're doing it for my own good. 331 00:19:32,480 --> 00:19:34,310 But on my engagement day, 332 00:19:35,021 --> 00:19:38,521 when my mother-in-law dressed me up like a pigeon, 333 00:19:39,521 --> 00:19:45,361 and my boyfriend showed me a shiny new four-bedroom prison... 334 00:19:47,063 --> 00:19:52,563 I swear, I saw the next 50 years of my life clearly. 335 00:19:53,146 --> 00:19:54,806 And believe me, they weren't bright. 336 00:19:54,896 --> 00:19:58,056 Because Tom, Dick and Harry were very nasty little kids. 337 00:20:01,605 --> 00:20:04,055 -Seriously speaking. -She's good, no? 338 00:20:08,313 --> 00:20:10,313 So I did exactly 339 00:20:10,396 --> 00:20:15,396 what every good Indian girl is expected to do... 340 00:20:16,063 --> 00:20:18,063 I ran off without warning! 341 00:20:19,230 --> 00:20:20,060 Yes. 342 00:20:20,938 --> 00:20:22,518 Backstabbing Beanie Bhatnagar. 343 00:20:24,896 --> 00:20:28,016 Shit, now everyone's staring at Sakshi. 344 00:20:28,605 --> 00:20:31,605 Guys, don't worry, she's not running off anywhere. 345 00:20:32,146 --> 00:20:36,516 I mean, look at these two. They complete each other's sentences. 346 00:20:36,605 --> 00:20:41,475 They are always holding hands. Their eyes are filled with love. 347 00:20:41,563 --> 00:20:43,193 They've been hungry for hours, 348 00:20:43,271 --> 00:20:45,731 but they don't want to eat because they have each other. 349 00:20:48,480 --> 00:20:52,150 Yeah, yeah, yeah! 350 00:20:52,230 --> 00:20:54,520 It's... It's disgusting! 351 00:20:55,730 --> 00:20:58,730 Big, big congratulations to you two lovebirds. 352 00:20:58,813 --> 00:21:02,233 Congratulations to Sakshi and Jag's parents, too. 353 00:21:02,313 --> 00:21:04,943 And as for all the other parents here, 354 00:21:05,021 --> 00:21:09,061 you don't have to worry. Your kids will find their soulmates, too. 355 00:21:09,688 --> 00:21:11,898 And as for all the other parents here 356 00:21:11,980 --> 00:21:16,690 who are unlucky and whose children, especially daughters, are like me, 357 00:21:16,771 --> 00:21:18,271 all I want to tell you is this... 358 00:21:19,688 --> 00:21:21,898 Let us make our own mistakes. 359 00:21:23,188 --> 00:21:25,018 What's the worst that can happen? 360 00:21:26,271 --> 00:21:27,441 We might end up in prison. 361 00:21:28,563 --> 00:21:29,813 Then get us out on bail. 362 00:21:30,605 --> 00:21:32,975 You were gonna spend your savings on a wedding anyway. 363 00:21:36,896 --> 00:21:39,896 Thank you so much. I'm Beanie Bhatnagar. Have a great evening, guys! 364 00:22:02,563 --> 00:22:04,523 Beanie, Beanie, Beanie. 365 00:22:06,188 --> 00:22:07,808 Great set. Yeah. 366 00:22:09,188 --> 00:22:12,308 Hey, don't be so shocked. I told you you've got something in you. 367 00:22:12,855 --> 00:22:15,055 -Thanks, Chirag. -Okay, so... 368 00:22:15,980 --> 00:22:19,650 One of our comics is going on a college tour. His opener dropped out. 369 00:22:20,313 --> 00:22:21,403 Will you replace him? 370 00:22:28,396 --> 00:22:32,436 Sure. Absolutely. That would be amazing. 371 00:22:33,063 --> 00:22:34,233 Are you crying? 372 00:22:35,771 --> 00:22:36,981 That time of the month. 373 00:22:38,146 --> 00:22:39,976 That's why I don't work with female comics. 374 00:22:41,771 --> 00:22:44,901 Anyway, I'll get in touch. And congrats. 375 00:22:50,396 --> 00:22:52,516 MOM 376 00:22:57,230 --> 00:23:01,020 Beanie, that was amazing! You were so good! 377 00:23:01,688 --> 00:23:04,268 Looks like you will definitely be the next Jerry Seinfeld. 378 00:23:04,355 --> 00:23:05,185 Thanks. 379 00:23:07,813 --> 00:23:10,813 You should be happy... then why the look? 380 00:23:10,896 --> 00:23:12,056 What look? 381 00:23:12,146 --> 00:23:15,726 The same look that you had right before you ran off from the engagement. 382 00:23:17,188 --> 00:23:19,018 -There's no look. -Of course there is. 383 00:23:20,188 --> 00:23:21,438 No, it's nothing. 384 00:23:22,521 --> 00:23:26,111 Okay, then why don't you tell me nothing? 385 00:23:29,313 --> 00:23:30,523 What's wrong? 386 00:23:31,105 --> 00:23:34,225 Today was the best moment of my comedy career. 387 00:23:35,438 --> 00:23:36,268 But... 388 00:23:36,938 --> 00:23:43,018 my parents don't want to see my face, and I'm living on Kapi's couch. 389 00:23:43,938 --> 00:23:46,558 And... I lost you. 390 00:23:48,313 --> 00:23:50,113 I mean, even as a friend. 391 00:23:51,480 --> 00:23:53,110 Feels unfair, no? 392 00:23:53,188 --> 00:23:57,228 That I have to choose between you guys and comedy. 393 00:23:57,313 --> 00:24:01,363 But, Beanie, you never told me that comedy was so important to you. 394 00:24:02,021 --> 00:24:03,561 I mean, you just left. 395 00:24:03,646 --> 00:24:06,396 But you looked so happy... And you were making so many plans... 396 00:24:06,480 --> 00:24:07,900 things were moving very fast... 397 00:24:08,771 --> 00:24:12,151 I just couldn't say that I don't want to get married right now. 398 00:24:16,980 --> 00:24:21,020 Anyway, you have a hot new girlfriend now, 399 00:24:21,105 --> 00:24:23,855 and you just did this cool dance performance together. 400 00:24:23,938 --> 00:24:25,228 It took me three weeks. 401 00:24:26,313 --> 00:24:28,983 So I guess this conversation is a little too late. 402 00:24:35,105 --> 00:24:36,105 Maybe it's not.