Before you head for the tour, let me tell you the terms.
No, it's not needed now.
I mean, I'm doing this. This is the opportunity of a lifetime for me.
To open for the opener's opener?
-To go on a comedy tour. -It's a college tour.
-But college crowd is the best. -It's an engineering college.
Oh, my God, I love engineering colleges.
They are so desperate.
This is great. Thank you for considering me.
No, our comic dropped out. I didn't consider you.
It doesn't matter. I'm going to earn money from comedy, for the first time.
You won't earn much. It's going to be a little--
-Will we get good food? -One meal a day.
I'll carry snacks. We can eat in the car.
-We're going by bus. -We can play party games on the bus!
All right. Those were the conditions. If you're sure, we will leave tomorrow.
I'll pack my bags right away.
Don't pack any valuables. Robberies are frequent on the highway.
I don't have any valuables. Just my clothes and my jokes.
Who's going to steal my jokes?
Actually, someone could.
Excuse me. Check, please.
But, seriously, Chirag, thank you so much.
I mean, you have no idea how important this tour is for me.
My life is so fucked up these days that nothing is going well.
My parents are mad at me. My bank balance is low--
-And you're still talking? -Sorry.
Hey, could you pack this up?
A snack for the bus ride.
-I'll finish this and leave. -Sure.
Sorry.
-This tour sounds dangerous. -Or maybe thrilling?
"Thrilling"?
Yesterday, when you found out that you're going on tour,
you got so upset that you ran away from the sangeet.
And now that you know that this tour could be fatal,
it's adding to your thrill.
Kap, I was sad for a different reason yesterday. Okay?
And in any case, however this tour may be,
it's going to be my first tour as a comic. It is thrilling.
I think I forgot my digicam at Arun's place.
I should go and get it, right?
Who uses a digicam nowadays? Just use your phone.
What if the phone's battery dies?
Carry a power bank.
What if the power bank gets stolen?
What…
I think I should take the digicam.
I see what's going on.
-Nothing is going on. -Really?
Didn't you meet Arun yesterday?
Sparks were reignited…
But his girlfriend was there, so it must have been weird.
And now suddenly, you want your digicam.
Okay, firstly, nothing weird happened.
And, secondly, it would actually be weird if I can't record my set,
because my phone's battery has died, my power bank's stolen,
and I don't have a digicam.
And now you're literally putting eyeliner on.
I always wear eyeliner.
Show me. You always do cat-eyes, too?
Pappi's right.
Cat-eyes… Well, that's a code for sex.
It's Kapi, by the way.
Thanks for your deep insight, DJ Raj.
-No problems. -Anyway, why are you here with us?
I have a gig in Bandra later, so I thought I'll chill here till then.
When's the gig?
Tuesday.
Today is Friday.
Yes.
Anyway, nevermind.
I'm off to Arun's place to get my digicam…
-Which is not weird at all. -Yeah.
Egg delivery?
Maybe.
-Hi. -Hi.
Thanks.
Sorry I didn't call before coming. I had some of your stuff.
Since I saw you at the sangeet, I thought I'll return them.
-Hi, Kapi. -Hi!
We'll give you guys some privacy.
Don't forget the digicam. Okay?
How can you get a sprain by sneezing?
I told him to get well soon
or he won't be able to pick up his grandson.
Rekha's pregnant?
-Congratulations, Shilpa. -Thank you so much.
How's Beanie?
It's a long story. Another time, perhaps.
I just hope things work out with Arun this time.
Arun… What?
Don't pretend that you don't know.
Rekha saw them together at Sakshi's sangeet.
They were talking to each other for a long time, alone.
-Let's see what we have here. -What did you steal from me?
Sunglasses.
I used to hate this perfume.
You gave it to me.
It's not that bad.
Digicam.
This…
Remember this?
Oh, my God!
"How I Met Your Mata."
I can't believe you made a comic strip about dinner with my mom.
Please! Every interaction with your mom deserves its own comic strip.
You have to admit, this was a really nice gift for our monthversary.
Back when we celebrated monthversaries.
-Back when I remembered monthversaries. -And back when you loved me.
I'm sorry. Shouldn't have said that.
That's okay. You're right.
Oh, my God. Please. I don't need to be reminded of this concert.
-Why? What happened? -Excuse me?
U2 concert? My birthday last year?
We went and bumped into some of my office colleagues,
we were hanging out with them,
and you got really angry because U2 was "our thing."
And you suddenly left without a word, making it really awkward for all of us.
-Yeah? -Fuck. Yes.
And then, you called and gave me hell,
"If you love your colleagues so much, why don't you date them?"
And you never came back and my birthday cake was never cut!
Yuck! I sound horrible. How did you even put up with me then?
-I didn't. I ran away. -That's true.
Aren't you getting late for office?
Yeah…
But I still think I have some time. We can grab lunch.
I'll be a little late, but it's okay.
I'm sorry. Arun Kalra's going to be late for office?
Arun Kalra, who wanted to sue Google,
because their estimated time of arrival doesn't account for traffic signals.
Hello? Yes, hi. Yes, I'm so sorry.
I know morning meetings were my idea, but I'm a little sick.
Yes, I'll be there soon.
Wow.
People change, Beanie.
-Shruti! -What?
Listen, come here!
-What happened? -I've found a solution. Come here!
What happened?
Shruti, look at this. It's simple economics.
Beanie's getting us no returns. She's a losing investment.
I tell you what… Let's have another daughter!
And we'll instill such strong values in her that she'll get married at 18.
Guaranteed returns in 18 years!
Vasant, I'm 53 years old!
-Google says it's possible. -Shut up!
Listen! Shilpa said that Beanie and Arun
were talking for hours at Sakshi's sangeet. Alone!
What were they talking about? Are they getting married?
Tell me everything.
-I don't know. -Come on, tell me more!
-That's all she told me! -Idea!
Are you calling Beanie?
No, I'll check Sakshi's Facebook page. I'm sure some of our friends were there!
I'll ask them what happened.
What's my password? "Vasant1234."
Shit.
"Vasant5678"?
-Shit. -Give it to me.
Logged in?
Yes!
Sakshi Garg.
You know, "Backstabbing Beanie" had begun to doubt herself a bit.
-That's never gonna go, is it? -Never!
But I think… I think I can finally say that I may be somewhat happy.
That's nice.
How did your dad react to the news?
He won't let you go anywhere for six weeks without a bodyguard.
In fact, I think he'll come along with you.
Actually, he has no idea.
What do you mean?
You're going for six weeks. How can he not know?
Well, thanks to comedy, my parents aren't talking to me, so…
How do I tell them?
How can you hide something this important from your parents?
I mean, how long can you go on like this?
Anyone you'd like to thank?
Of course! My manager Chirag, my best friend Kapi…
-My stylist. -And what about your parents?
We don't really talk anymore.
You don't deserve this award. Give it back!
You know, the thing with this argument with my parents is like…
-It's the eyebrow thing. -What eyebrow thing?
When you're doing your eyebrows,
and in trying to match them perfectly, you end up with no eyebrows at all?
Let's see yours.
They look perfect to me.
-It's an analogy. -I know.
Look, Beanie, your parents are emotional.
Your dad is a little dramatic, but they're not evil.
They're from another generation. Give them time to understand.
We're the same age and even I reacted so emotionally.
So you can't blame them.
-You're an old man inside, Mr. Kalra. -I'm serious!
They're reacting this way because they're worried about you.
Would you rather they not care at all?
You're right.
I'll speak to them.
What should I tell them?
Don't look at me. I work in real estate.
You're the writer. I'm sure you'll know what to say.
-Yes? -Yeah.
Roger that. Over.
-Okay, bye! -What did you find out?
Nonsense. Nothing about Arun and Beanie.
All he said was, "Beanie is so funny! You must be so proud of her talent!"
The same bullshit.
You've spoken to nine people, Vasant. They're all saying the same thing.
Exactly. Are they our friends or Beanie's? Don't they know us?
Next.
-Tell me. -Bipin. That's his number.
Hello, Bipin. How are you?
I'm great…
I just wanted to ask you, were you at the Khannas' sangeet?
Okay!
Did you see Beanie there?
What do you mean she's destined for success?
Arun is her success. Yeah! Put the phone down!
Thanks for today. It was really nice.
-It was. -Bye.
Wait a minute. I wanted to ask you something.
That guy at the wedding that day…
-Who? -"The other guy."
His words, not mine.
Is he really the other guy?
I mean, I don't really care.
But let me just tell you, that if you guys are a thing,
your parents definitely won't like him.
Is that so? Why?
Because they like me.
-Really? -Yeah.
But if you want, I can put in a word.
I don't know if they'll agree, but I can try.
You'd do all that for me?
That's very kind of you, Mr. Kalra. Thank you so much.
What can I say? I have a big, big heart.
And I thought you've become so mature.
I mean, I'm talking about it without being passive-aggressive. That's mature, right?
Yeah. Weirdly, that does make sense.
Anyway, he's just a friend.
I mean, he was.
But now as we're on the topic…
Are Riya and you serious?
Yeah! Riya's great.
She's nice, she's sweet, she's ambitious.
My parents like her.
It's easy to be with her.
But…
she's not you.
Oh, my God.
-So, thanks for the drop. -Yeah.
Someone named Chirag Chatwani posted this online.
They want to hog on the snacks, play the bitchy fashion police…
What are you trying to say, Shruti?
It says…
"So excited that @BeanieBhatnagar is joining us on this tour.
Dates and links for tickets below."
When Beanie was little, she'd tell us every time she wanted to go to the toilet,
and would tell us if she didn't want to go as well.
And now she's going on a six-week tour and we have no clue.
Our Beanie, who always tried to keep us happy…
can't share her big news with us now,
because we can't find our happiness in hers.
Dr. Khambatta was right.
You can't stop a bird from flying.
And what if she fails?
What if she ends up alone?
That's when she'll need us more, right?
Madam, Beanie's downstairs. She's walking around in a daze.
Thought I'd let you know.
Okay. Thank you.
-What is she doing here? -I don't know.
Vasant, enough is enough. Let her do what she wants.
I'm not going to stop her anymore. And please don't try to stop me.
Beanie! Beanie, you…
You're going on a tour, and you didn't tell me about it?
How do you know?
So what if we asked you to leave the house. We always keep tabs on you.
Congratulations, dear!
I always told everyone, "My Beanie is funny!"
-Mom, I'm sorry. I embarrassed you-- -Never mind that.
Let bygones be bygones.
-I love you, Mom. -I love you, too, dear.
-Where's Papa? -Your father…
Give him some time.
Mom, tell him I love him. Okay? And I'm very sorry.
I'll tell him, and I'll make him understand.
Okay? Don't dampen your spirits!
My daughter's going on tour!
My Beanie's going to be a superstar!
Have you packed?
And when are you leaving? What about food?
Shall I pack you some pan-fried eggplant? It's upstairs. I'll bring it for you.
Mom, breathe. I'm leaving tomorrow morning, okay?
I haven't started packing, so I'm going to go now.
-I'll see you before I leave. -And I'll pack you a lunchbox!
Make sure you eat well, darling. Don't lose weight!
-Bye, Mom. -Bye, dear.
Bye, dear.
-Bye, Mom. -Break a leg! Break both!
Okay.
So I literally almost jumped on him and kissed him!
I mean, he kissed me back, so we kissed for a while…
But then, I stopped and I got out of the car.
But why?
Isn't this what you wanted?
I know, but what do I do?
He's in a relationship! It's not right.
I don't know.
I mean, obviously, I have feelings for him.
Like, strong feelings for him.
And I seriously feel like he's changed.
Plus, I've changed, too.
-So-- -Come on, man.
Excuse me?
What? I'm doing a puzzle.
Anyway, so maybe I'm being crazy, okay?
Because Riya's and his relationship is perfect.
It's simple, it's easy. They're compatible.
And him and I, there's so much baggage between us.
It's complicated. It's messy. I don't know.
Oh, my God. I think it's Arun again.
-No. -Just go.
Hi--
Hey.
What's up? What are you doing here?
I just came to profess my love for you.
Obviously.
It's a tough crowd.
Look, Ravi, I have a lot going on right now,
so I don't really have time for this long discussion with you--
Yeah. No, I'll just be really quick actually. I just…
I just wanna let you know that I'm moving back to LA.
I'm leaving tonight, actually.
So, I just wanna say bye.
Does this have something to do with the stuff I said to you the other night?
You mean when you told me I was a total fraud
and living a life of complete bullshit?
Something like that.
Why, did you wanna… Do you wanna apologize to me for that?
What? No! I mean, I was absolutely right. You were behaving like an--
I'm kidding. You were totally right about that.
Turns out that was the case and…
I've been here just running away from my problems and I need to go face them.
And you're the reason I realized that, so…
Thank you, and sorry.
It's fine. I mean, we all do things we're not very proud of.
And you're the reason that I'm back on stage again,
and you have helped me a lot.
So, thank you as well.
-Good luck. -Thanks.
Yeah, I'll need it. I actually convinced my wife
to go to an intensive couples therapy retreat.
Yeah, it's a week long. Free breakfast, though.
I don't know, I guess I gotta give it a try, right?
Yeah, I think I know what you mean.
-Bye. -You take care.
They are extending my tour.
-Again? -Yes.
That's great. I'm really happy for you, Beanie.
No, seriously, this is the problem,
everyone is living either in the past or future.
Everyone is ignoring the present.
Live in the now. Follow your dreams now.
Take that home loan now.
You want that car? Get that car loan now.
You want botox?
No loan for that, sister. Get a job now.
Beanie is right. Even I want to follow my dream.
I want to be an undercover detective.
Are you still upset with your daughter?
The problem is the same, but the girl isn't.
My life is so scary these days that I've become immune to horror films.
Do you think a ghost can scare me?
Please. I'm a witch. And I'm going to die alone!
Now that is scary.
Honestly, sometimes I feel so lonely,
that if by chance I meet a ghost, I'm just gonna be like, "Netflix and chill"?
Hi, Kapi.
I'm good. I'm good. Listen, I need your help with something.
No, seriously, let the past be in the past and the future in the future.
Enjoy what you have today. Live in the now.
But then again, what do I know? I'm flirting with a ghost.
I'm Beanie Bhatnagar, and that's my time. Thank you, guys.