You bloody motherfucker... I'll show you!
You want to do comedy? How about now?
Bloody asshole.
Tea.
I've added some ginger as well.
You seem very concerned about me today.
Yes.
And you...
Please keep this as well.
Someone left it at the doorstep.
So finally, he left me after all this.
But why?
He didn't even say anything.
You won't leave me, too, will you?
Aunty...
Aunty... I'm leaving.
Okay?
"Once there was a Gurmukh, and once there was a Hasmukh.
-Gurmukh died. Who's left? -Hasmukh!
Hey! Step aside... play the drums!
Do you know who made Hasmukh a star?
Jimmy the Maker.
Who was he?
Gulati's testicles.
I mean, his temporary assistant.
-Peanuts? -No, I'm good.
The poor guy used to clean the stage, shoes and costumes.
And what would he get in exchange? He was abused.
Ask me why.
Why?
Because Gulati couldn't see in Hasmukh what Jimmy the Maker could.
Really?
In fact, Jalal Allahabadi, Rajkumar Rajaudi, and now Hasmukh,
all these gems were discovered by the one and only
-Jimmy... -The Maker.
You're a quick learner.
And what if this gem fails to shine?
He won't, you can try him.
And what if you disappear when we need you?
Then all you need to do is call my name.
Jimmy
Hear me,
Are you sure you don't want some?
Can I get you something to drink?
No, thank you.
When I saw you for the first time My love, I knew...
BUNTY SHRIVASTAVA'S PERSONAL ASSISTANT MURDERED
BODY FOUND IN QUESTIONABLE STATE
Love is crazy...
What's the matter?
Are you still worried?
My dream-weaver.
Listen, Jimmy, if I don't get this "feel" out there...
you can kiss your dreams goodbye.
Unbelievable.
Why do you always have to jinx it?
I was in such a good mood.
Okay.
I've got a question.
It's a completely new city.
Where are we going to find these people?
They will definitely not come to us.
Listen to me.
How many people did we have back in Saharanpur?
In my lane, there's around 20 houses. There's about 17 lanes, which means--
That's not how you calculate this, stupid.
Take an approximate number. Around 20,000 people?
And we still managed to find three.
Now, imagine the number of people that live in Mumbai.
At least 200,000?
Meaning ten times the people back home.
So we can manage to find at least 30, right?
And don't you watch the news?
Big cities are filled with such bastards.
And Mumbai is a huge metropolis.
We'll find them easily.
Everything will be fine. Don't worry.
Aren't you making it sound too easy?
Do you even know who you're talking to?
Jimmy the Maker.
-Do you see this finger? -Yes.
Can I help you, sir?
-Water for the gentleman. -Yeah.
We'll have them wrapped around this very finger.
Don't you worry.
I'll be right back.
Wherever you go...
Hasmukh Sudiya, today's Internet sensation.
that's why they never get caught, UP police can't read...
12 million views in 24 hours.
The whole world wants a glimpse of him, and we will make it happen.
KINGS OF COMEDY PRESENTS
...because the UP Police don't know how to read.
I've seen all his videos.
The politician video is my favorite.
The government is used to axing its own legs.
It also shoots itself in the foot.
He was so talented,
but he always hid it from me.
He's my childhood buddy, he's going to kill it!
IN KINGS OF COMEDY
Talent gets noticed instantly.
He was talented at birth.
Talent does not discriminate.
KINGS OF COMEDY
We want Hasmukh.
Wow! Guruji's words are so true.
When you have good intentions and a pocket full of money,
even God's with you.
And, sir, I'll handle the Chota Chandu case as well.
I mean, because of my experience.
Right, Ajinkya?
The world is so round and curvaceous.
Guruji is right. Where there's a will, there's a way.
-I'll see you tomorrow. -What's his name?
Hasmukh.
Whatever.
He'll have to work very hard.
It's not easy to stand on the same platform as KK.
And anyway, he's never done TV before. The camera is a different game altogether.
I'll handle that, Ajinkya.
Why don't you try coming up with something?
Something fresh.
You are absolutely right. Something fresh...
and fantastic.
Sir...
Pen.
No!
Is this yours?
You should pick it up if it's yours.
Yes, sir, that's ours.
Are you still daydreaming?
You've become an overnight sensation on TV. Look at that.
My dream-weaver.
Excuse me, sir.
Aren't you that comedian?
Can we get a picture?
Okay.
Sir, will you please take it?
Sir.
Hurry up. Hurry up.
Wait a minute.
Jimmy, come join us.
Rhea, will you, please?
Please make some space.
This is your place.
He's my older brother.
I owe it all to him.
We are in this... together.
I just felt so sick.
CHOTA CHANDU'S BRA SCANDAL
Who could imagine a little guy like him would do something like this?
Look at his face.
My poor child.
That woman is a liar.
Sorry. Excuse me. Ma'am, Hasmukh and Jimmy are here.
Now, listen.
Don't be afraid when we're in there. Let me do all the talking.
We won't settle for anything less than 25,000.
Will they be willing to pay that much?
They'll have to be when I do the negotiating.
Jimmy the Maker.
-Got it? -Okay.
Hasmukh. Look...
Look who it is.
-Chota Chandu. -Chota Chandu from TV!
-Will you have something to eat, son? -Yes. I'm starving.
-How about a chicken burger? -Yes!
But no onions today.
Today is Tuesday.
Look at his values.
He doesn't even eat onion on Tuesdays.
No milk on Wednesdays.
In fact, he doesn't even clip his nails on Thursdays.
Poor thing doesn't even come home on Fridays.
I've raised him with these values.
My son... he is so simple!
Mom. Burger?
-Please. -Yes, son.
I'll be right back with it, son.
Dude, are you guys trying to screw me in front of my mom?
The media's doing that.
My PR will handle them.
And I want that bitch to apologize on the same news channel.
She wasn't complaining when I'd grabbed her.
-Are you done? -Mind your tone, babes.
Chandu is a star.
Sorry, you were a star.
But have you heard about falling stars?
So the script says,
"Chota Chandu loves his mother's cooking.
He says her cooking tastes like heaven...
completely unaware of the fact that his mother is tired of cooking for him,
and she has poisoned Chandu's food."
Chandu is dead.
And a little girl shows up after a few episodes.
Her name is Choti Chandini.
She claims to be Chandu.
I mean, when Chandu died, his spirit entered her body.
What nonsense!
This nonsense is what made you a star, Chandu.
I will talk to Pratap about that.
Screw that. Here you go. Call him.
Call him.
My lawyer will speak to you.
Just get out.
-You can't cheat me-- -Get out.
Look, he's coming out. Let's take a selfie with him.
He looks angry, Jimmy.
How are you, Chandu?
We watch your show regularly. Can I get a selfie?
I told you he looked angry. Let's go.
-All I wanted was a selfie. -Let's go.
Help yourself.
You, too.
But this is just hot water.
Jimmy, what is this?
So, our quote is 25.
Jimmy?
Seven.
Fine, here's a suggestion.
Let's agree on 22.
Seven is our final offer.
Let's agree on a figure that even the taxman finds interesting.
Let's close the deal on 18.
This is not open for negotiation.
You're getting upset.
Well, you guys are like family.
For you, final offer... 15. Okay?
Please don't say no. It's our lucky number.
And it will make our show lucky, too.
Our show!
Okay.
-Done. -What do you mean?
I told you so.
Promila, are you crazy?
The case is closed. Fifteen lakhs per episode.
Don't worry, this is just a tradition we follow.
Whenever we bag a show,
he spits on my face and I give him a tight hug.
-It's lucky for us. -Yes, in the village.
Get the contract done.
See you, guys.
-Congratulations. -This is just absurd.
Yes, congratulations to us, too.
Fifteen?
It's a good thing you spat on my face
because tears were about to roll down my eyes.
What has the world come to? Guys like you are getting a contract.
Congratulations. Go through it once.
In fact, have your lawyer check it once.
After which you'll receive an advance. You do have a lawyer, don't you?
-Yes. -I mean, you can tell me if you don't.
I know someone really good.
His name is Shashtri.
-Shall I talk to him? -Yes.
Here you go.
So, now?
Party?
Of course, the party's on us.
-Cheers. -Cheers.
Honestly, it's been so nice to meet you.
-Where are you from, originally? -Bandra.
Hello, Ajinkya.
Mr. Shashtri, please come.
Let me introduce you to Mr. Shastri,
an expert lawyer in the industry.
In fact, he hails from the same place as you.
Where's that?
Mallipur.
We're from Saharanpur.
That makes us neighbors.
Great.
As I said, I have an old connection with Ajinkya and his friends.
Like family.
-When... -Family.
And as family, Ajinkya, do you want to know a secret?
Tell me.
Today when we were negotiating... 20, 18, 15...
You guys were talking about lakhs, whereas I was thinking thousands.
Really?
-Jimmy, no. -There's no need to keep secrets from him.
He's like a brother.
Frankly speaking, we still have a poor man's mindset.
But now that we're under your wing, you will help us rise above it.
Hasmukh, look who's arrived.
-Hi, Ajinkya. Hi, guys. -Hi.
Ajinkya, if you don't mind, can I borrow them for some time?
Sure, go ahead.
Let me introduce you to my friends. Come.
We'll be right back, Ajinkya.
Enjoy.
-Cheers. -Cheers.
Sasha?
This is my friend, Sasha.
-She's a dancer on the show. -Hello.
-And this is Jimmy. -The Maker.
-Hi. -Jimmy the Maker.
And he's going to be the wild card entry on our show.
Hello.
I have to go.
I'll come back.
-Friend of yours? -Yes. We are housemates.
Excuse me, sir.
Look at that.
Where are you lost? Look at the royal treatment we're getting.
Are you out of your mind?
What were you telling him?
Who? Ajinkya?
I feel there's a connection between us. And with you, too--
There are no real connections here. Everyone is looking out for themselves.
I don't understand what you're saying.
All you need to know is, for the channel, you're the goose that lays golden eggs.
Everyone's looking to get a piece of you.
But you're from the same channel. So why are you telling us all this?
Because Promila ma'am believes in you, and I believe in Promila ma'am.
She doesn't think you're a village idiot like the rest do.
On the contract--
Look at that.
Your so-called friend is nobody's friend.
It seems we'll have to set you straight asshole...
Jimmy.
Come, let me introduce you to everyone.
See you later.
It's a dangerous city.
Who is right and who is wrong?
Who can be trusted?
It's so difficult to figure this out.
This is Mumbai, bro.
You can't trust anyone here.
They'll chew you up and spit you out.
I've taken pretty bad blows out here.
Straight to the face.
You've been here before?
Like millions of others out there,
even I was drawn to this city of dreams.
But betrayal was all I got.
Finally, when I met Gulati, I thought he'd make my dreams come true.
But with him, life revolved only around booze and food.
And now I've found you.
My dream-weaver.
Dream-weaver?
But not a moment ago, I was just a student.
You were a student. Not anymore.
I was thinking about aunty.
Will she be okay?
The factory must have closed down by now.
Hasmukh, forget the past.
Look ahead.
Do you know why we're sitting here at this hour?
Why?
Because the night is when the stars shine.
A vast sky...
with a few clouds that are slowly fading away.
KINGS OF COMEDY
All eyes looking in the same direction, waiting eagerly
for that one star that shines once in a millennium.
And everyone's screaming just one name...
KK! KK! KK!
So, please put your hands together
to welcome the yet-uncrowned king of comedy,
Krushna Kumar!
Left, right, up, or down
KK's on top Everyone else is on the ground
Amateurs are done But the best is yet to come
In the ocean of comedy KK is the shark
Listen up, everyone.
Say it out loud. What's my name?
One, two, three...
KK!
All right!
KK! KK! KK!
That's what I'm talking about!
You're my audience!
Rakesh...
you are the true king of comedy.
Thank you.
Shall we get this show started?
Yes!
I can't hear you. I'm not playing around. I'll go home.
KK! KK! KK!
We've got quite the turnout today.
And look, there are kids, too.
Sir, is he yours?
Yes. Why?
Wow, one is yet to be seen and the other is a has-been.
Now, tell me something.
The most dangerous thing in the world is a bomb.
Do we all agree?
But what's even more dangerous than a bomb?
Children.
It's children.
I was at the airport, in the security check queue.
Everyone has to go through it. So they provide you with a tray
where you're to place your dangerous items.
Krushna Kumar.
So I was standing there and putting out my dangerous items.
Like my phone.
150 kilos of jewelry.
A picture of my girlfriend.
That too is quite dangerous.
During this process,
a condom fell out of my pocket.
Condoms are very funny, aren't they?
I'm laughing now, but I was really embarrassed then.
All the women were judging me,
"God knows what kind of uncouth family he belongs to."
I mean, you're standing at the airport among people,
there are all kinds of people around you.
So my condom fell at the airport, and as I bent down to pick it up,
and a little boy...
"Uncle, yuck."
"Son, what are you doing? This is, you know..."
"This is a bad thing."
"This is not a bad thing, son.
Please don't embarrass me publicly.
What is bad about it?"
"This is a medicine to kill children."
Whose child is he?
He is saying such things in public.
"Son..."
And I couldn't control myself anymore. I said, "What are you doing, son?
You're embarrassing me publicly.
Who told you this kills children?"
"Uncle, my father always says,
'If I had this that night, then I wouldn't have had you.'"
I AM KRUSHNA KUMAR, YOUR BUDDY...
I am Krushna Kumar, your buddy.
And thank you so much. Good bye. Good night.
KK! KK! KK!
Outstanding. Amazing.
Ladies and gentleman, now that's what you call an explosive performance.
How was it?
-You killed it, sir. -Krushna Kumar, you are a rock star!
Go there, the artist is waiting. Hurry up!
Karan, come in for Aashish. I have sent the dress.
Don't stare, idiot!
Who's the asshole?
Hasmukh, sir. The wild card entry on the show.
Hasmukh.
Who is it?
Jameel bhai.
I am talking.
Jameel bhai. Bhai.
I'm not going anywhere.
I know I owe you money.
Have I ever gone back on my words?
Just one more week.
The prize money from the show... Whose is it?
It's yours, of course.
And the endorsements. All that money is yours, too.
In fact, KK is all yours.
I am your lapdog. I swear.
Thank you. Thank you, bhai.
Thank you.
And Jameel bhai, what's up with Virat Kohli these days?
He's in great form--
Hello? Jameel bhai?
Asshole.
Hasmukh.
He's calling you, come on!
Hello, hello, Hasmukh.
You know my name?
Everyone knows you, bro.
How many? 12 million views.
That's amazing. What excellent jokes!
The politicians were...
-You're a killer. -Sorry?
You're a killer. Your killer eyes...
You'll kill someone with your looks.
-Even your praise sounds scary. -Yes.
And who is he?
-He is my-- -Testicles?
And with no hair.
It will be fun.
Sir, please get ready. Your introduction is up next.
Ajinkya.
I'll go. See you, KK.
Go on, break a leg.
I'm watching you.
Ajinkya, my friend.
What's going on?
What? What?
Sinha and Promila know about my contract, don't they?
Krushna, as long as you're on the show, how can there be another winner?
Sir, my hair...
Asshole, I know you're sucking up to me, but I'm not enjoying it.
What sucking up? What are you talking about?
And now, hold your breath because we have a surprise for you.
Wild card entry.
The viral sensation.
The challenger, all the way from Saharanpur...
please welcome him with a big round of applause.
Hasmukh Sudiya!
After creating a sensation on YouTube with 12 million views,
he's coming on our show to try his luck from the next episode.
Hasmukh! Hasmukh! Hasmukh!
That's my stage.
Some turd comes down from Saharanpur
and tries to challenge me, and you just stand and watch.
You've made it this far, but you don't belong here.
Listen to me, run while you can.
I know you're going to shit on stage
because I know you're a dumbfuck with no talent!