Lies.
How can you accuse us like this, sir?
Please don't say such things. We're not that kind of people.
Let me tell you... Can I drink some water?
Too early to celebrate?
I know you can go to any lengths for KK.
But I don't play favourites.
Promila, I don't play favourites here, either.
It's written in KK's contract that he's going to win this show.
Even the Constitution gets amended.
And this is just a contract.
You said that we saw Wasim, right? And what did we say?
We said that we saw Wasim.
We didn't cook up anything else.
Do you even know what you're saying?
Back home, if the police say we did something,
we also say that we've done it. Always.
Let me explain.
When you said that we saw Wasim, we also said that we saw Wasim.
If you had said we saw Wasim commit murder,
we would've also said that we saw Wasim commit murder.
What's going on here?
We're investigating the murder of Vaikunth Shastri, their lawyer.
So?
"So" what? They went to meet him. The watchman saw them.
What time were they there?
Between 6:00 and 7:00 p.m.
And what time did they leave?
So the watchman didn't tell you that?
He was off duty by then.
They were here, shooting.
Really?
I can show you the tapes.
-We'd definitely like to see them. -Please come.
-This way. -KK, KK, KK.
Look, Hasmukh is here!
Hasmukh...sir, one minute...please sir.
Let's go.
Turn it off. It's Jameel bhai calling. Turn it off.
Jameel bhai. How are you, Jameel bhai?
I just wanted your opinion, brother.
Anything for you, Jameel bhai. You just name it.
I'm a little confused about a property.
I'm not sure if I should buy it or not.
And then I thought, "Why not ask the expert?"
Now you're embarrassing me.
It's a 4BHK apartment. Meaning, it's equal to two apartments.
I must admit...
we have such similar taste.
You won't believe me. My kitchen looks exactly the same.
And my photograph is on the wall--
Are you at my house, Jameel bhai?
You've seen the kitchen. Now let me show you the living room.
It's so spacious and airy.
I love this apartment.
I already have your car.
And if you don't pay up by tomorrow,
you can start looking for another house.
Jameel bhai, I told you the prize money from the show is all yours.
Please give me some time, Jameel bhai.
But where will you stay until then?
Jameel bhai, I...
I'll talk with the people at the channel.
I'll ask them for an advance. They will have to do it.
Please give me some time.
You should hurry up because time is a luxury you don't have.
You asshole! You said it was in my contract that I'd win Kings of Comedy.
Isn't that right? Then who is this bloody Hasmukh?
He's crapping on my head.
And stop acting naive, you fucker, because you know.
How could you not?
You work in the same office and you don't know?
You're lying. You're lying to me.
-I'm lying? -Yes, you're lying.
How can you say that, Krushna?
You know what you mean to me, right?
I'm an artist.
I don't understand politics, and I don't want to get caught up in them.
It's Promila, that bitch.
She's responsible for all this politics.
But don't worry, Krushna. I'll figure something out.
I'll call Mumbai Pulse.
Hello?
Mumbai Pulse?
Can you connect me to Om, please?
Hello, Om, I have a breaking-news story about KK.
KINGS OF COMEDY
Little package, big explosion.
You blew them away.
Thank you, sir.
Promila, I would like to apologize because you have left me speechless.
Honestly, your work speaks for you.
You've made Kings of Comedy a hit.
Choti Chandni's ratings have gone through the roof.
The vision was originally yours, sir.
We're putting in our best efforts to give the channel another Rakesh Pandit.
Well, keep it up.
Fantastic!
-He's really surprised me. Shall we? -Let's go.
-Hello! -Where are you guys?
We're crossing through the Metro construction site.
Come quickly. We've ordered food.
-Who's "we"? -Sasha and me.
Okay. Okay, we're coming.
You're in demand today.
That foreigner lady's waiting for you.
-Who? -Sasha.
You've got to score with her today.
How long are you going to stay on first base?
You never think before opening your mouth, do you?
What? I'm only saying what I've seen. I saw you two at the party.
There's no need to worry.
You two already have a connection, understand?
I don't know what will come first, pleasure or punishment.
The police are already after us and you're talking about connection.
No, no, you're forgetting the dialogues again.
Take out the script. Come on.
-You mean the play we're doing. -Exactly. The play we're doing.
You read Sanju's dialogues and I'll read Raju's dialogues.
Now read.
Okay.
What are we going to do now, Raju?
Sanju, we'll do nothing now. Understand?
Even the police won't do anything.
The police believe our story completely.
And even if they don't believe us, they trust the UP Police.
Yes, Raju, but that Nair...
-You mean Inspector Nair? -Yes.
It's clearly evident from his face that he'll come back to us.
We'll deal with him when it comes to that. Understand?
And anyway, going back is not an option now.
No.
What's done... is done.
And whatever happens now... will happen.
At the most, we'll go to prison. Even then, we'll be together.
Inseparable, like Jai and Veeru.
Free accommodation and free food.
And then?
Then?
Sir, I have a suggestion.
This situation calls for a friendship song.
It fits and will be a hit.
Life is a beautiful journey
Why worry what tomorrow will bring?
Sooner or later, they will be caught, sir.
Are you allergic?
Why, sir?
I think you're allergic to my pension.
You're really worried about your pension, aren't you?
Yes, and you should be, too.
It's the only thing we can call our own.
I want to grow cultured eggs with my neighbor Shankar,
at the poultry farm.
Every morning, he starts singing and sings all day.
Do you know Shankar?
-No, sir. -Shankar Mahadevan. That's his full name.
Right, him.
I have a plot of land right next to his in Karjat.
Now, who is going to pay for that?
Pension.
You're a quick learner.
Now put it back.
-Sir. -I said put it back.
So, I got my new car.
-I got my new car today. -Wow! Congratulations.
Thanks to Promila ma'am.
And congratulations to you, Hasmukh.
So we're going to drink all night...
Water.
Not fair.
Water? Hasmukh, please drink.
I don't drink.
For me.
I could drink the entire ocean for you.
Amateur.
Okay, I have an idea.
But it involves drinking, okay?
So, it's called "Never Have I Ever."
What is that?
I'll say something I've never done before.
Okay? And if you've done it, you'll have to drink up.
And if you haven't done it, don't drink. Simple.
Great. Great game. This is going to be fun.
Okay, I'll start.
Never have I ever kissed a boy.
What?
I've never kissed a boy.
It's already begun. I get it.
Then here goes...
You...
What? It gets pretty cold in January back home.
So it happened one night by mistake, but it's not like I enjoyed it!
Since it's a tell-all, then...
You, too?
Did it in school with Jaggu.
I had to or they'd put firecrackers down my pants.
I don't know what you said, but it was so sweet.
Hasmukh.
Your turn.
Okay, fine.
-Never... I... -Have I...
Kill.
Murder.
I've never killed anyone.
Hasmukh, I think you've had too much to drink.
I have killed many with my looks.
I'm sure you have, so have I.
I've killed so many times...
Hasmukh!
...with my jokes on stage.
What's wrong, Jimmy?
Cat got your tongue?
One more. Last, last.
No, I can't...
Cheers.
No, no, no.
You...
-Vicky. You... -Vicky?
You two--
No. No.
Vicky... Work...
Vicky... He makes... He...
You don't have to say it.
It's okay.
Why?
How...
Home...
-Home... -Home, yeah.
Father... Papa...
-Father... Father... -Father. Yeah.
Chopped up?
Died.
Dead.
You... Father...
Father.
Me, too.
Here, Mumbai... Nice.
Mumbai good.
Good... Good life. Good memories.
Memories. Memories.
Memories.
Memories?
You're the sweetest man I've ever met.
You're a really good man.
I can see it in your eyes.
What's... What's wrong?
I no good.
I am not a good man.
I am a murderer.
I kill people.
I've already killed four people.
That's why I can't sleep at night.
Whenever I close my eyes, I can see their faces.
This is my punishment.
Even I can't go back home.
And I have no place to call home, anyway.
So where do I go?
When I started this journey, I had no option.
I never imagined that going back would be so difficult.
But now I know...
I will never go back.
That's why I kill bad people...
with the hope that it might fix someone else's life...
by killing that one person.
I'm not too wise...
but I am definitely not a good man.
No.
Jaan.
I like you calling me "Jaan."
My name is Hasmukh.
It's written in KK's contract that he's going to win this show.
Find a Comedy King for my channel as well.
You are not at all ashamed, Rakesh?
I've made you what you are today.
The fact that I built your career,
I made you the Rakesh Pandit, is of no value to you?
Please just tell me. You're leaving me for some girl?
And if you're beautiful, you can get away with anything in life.
Hey...
What happened? Did you do it?
She's a nice girl.
Then why?
-Don't nice girls-- -Not a word more.
You're taking it personally, brother.
I didn't understand half of what she said.
But I'll learn English properly for her someday.
Wow! My boy...
Why learn English?
You should learn sign language for her.
I am not a good man.
I am a murderer.
I kill people.
I've already killed four people.
What is he saying? Tell me.
He calls me, "Jaan."
-That's why I can't sleep at night. -That's so nice.
Whenever I close my eyes, I can see their faces.
What it means?
He's saying...
Even I can't go back home.
He's saying you're his life.
When I started this journey...
-Asshole. What the hell were you thinking? -...I had no option.
I didn't know what I was saying.
-And now? -He's saying...
He's saying he likes you very much.
Asshole.
It wasn't intentional.
That's why I kill bad people...
By killing that one person...
And now? "Jaan," see?
He's saying...
My phone!
-Sorry, sorry! -What the fuck, Jimmy?
I buy you new phone.
-What is wrong with you? -Okay. I save this phone.
Come, Hasmukh, save phone. Save phone.
Hasmukh, come with me. We save phone. Come fast, come fast.
You bastard!
Your romance would've put our asses on the line.
Thank God Hindi isn't such a global language.
Otherwise, Sasha would've understood every word you said
and Naik would've found out everything.
Listen to me carefully.
I've heard that inmates are hung upside down
with iron rods shoved up their asses.
-Jimmy, I was drunk, so-- -Drunk!
It's ringing again.
-Hello? -Hello, Hasmukh.
Promila, ma'am. Is everything all right?
Everything is okay.
I just called you to say that you weren't the second runner-up
but the winner of today's show.
Now you're embarrassing me.
It's true.
If I have a right to scream at you,
then I can also congratulate you for your efforts.
-What can I say? -Don't say anything.
Just do your job properly.
If you can own every night just like you did tonight,
you will rule this city.
Madam, I don't know what you're saying.
Whatever I am is all because of you.
Madam...
Madam?
Yeah... You reminded me of another artist.
You just focus on your work, okay?
No one can stop you now, Hasmukh.
No one.
Superb, Sweety, superb.
-Cut, cut, cut. -Oh, my God!