Sir, look at this mark.
Naik.
I can't hear when I am eating.
Who is calling now?
Sir...
-Who the hell is this? -Bapat?
Sorry, sir. I just bought a new phone.
Yes, sir.
Two men, sir.
-Pension. -Sir...
Tension.
Yes. Of course, sir.
Of course, I'll save it this time, sir. Okay, sir.
Who was that, sir?
The commissioner's a big pain in the ass.
Hand me my plate.
He has no problem.
Give me the report.
-This mark on his neck-- -Mosquito.
It must be a mosquito bite.
The municipality guys are not doing their job properly.
A mosquito this size?
-Do you party alone? -No.
Mosquito, his friends and his family.
It happens.
That was the commissioner on the phone.
He said the case needs to be closed.
Sunny was violent with Sweety.
As a result, their shooting was getting stalled. Correct?
-Whose shooting? -Jameel Indori.
You're a fast learner.
Case closed.
KINGS OF COMEDY
So then, like, a ball of fire bursts, okay.
We have a super-bike, we have Rahul Kapoor entering on the super-bike.
After that, we change the lights and then Rahul takes off his t-shirt.
That's great, Promila,
but Rahul wants me to go through the scripts of all performers.
Actually, Rehana, our comics tend to improvise--
Exactly, no improvisations.
Rahul is very kicked about his next release, Cheetah 3.
And you know these comics are assholes.
The last time we went on a show,
all they spoke about were his problems with drugs and alcohol.
You have no idea how much money we paid to keep those Me-Too stories at bay.
That's not gonna fly.
Rehana, if you could just make one exception--
Darling, you are getting the superstar Rahul Kapoor.
Do you want him or should I cancel?
-We want him. Please don't cancel. -Yeah, all right then.
Okay, I'll figure something out.
Tea.
For me?
I've put in ginger as well.
Brush my teeth...
I'll be right back.
Hey!
That look on your face, your rustled hair...
is telling me what you were up to last night.
-Would you like some tea? -Of course.
But first... Why are you blushing?
I'm not blushing. It's just that...
Last night, I had a good conversation with Sasha.
Conversation?
I know what all conversations lead to.
Not that. We just talked.
Talked?
But, remember, if word gets out, things can get out of hand.
So be careful.
This is a huge city which has swallowed many Romeos like you.
You should be happy you talked. Why do you look stressed?
This situation we are in, we always have to win.
We must dig a well every day in order to get water.
Where do we dig today?
-Stop being so negative again. -Fine.
I told you, concentrate on your job.
And leave the rest to Jimmy the Maker. Understood?
Did you watch the news today?
I was just telling him that.
Watch the Breaking News.
This is TV actor Sunny's corpse.
The corpse that's already dead.
Sunny, the apple of his fellow artists' eyes,
is missing an eye.
The police are questioning film producer Jameel Indori
in connection with this case.
The corpse has been kept in the ambulance.
And as you can see, the message on the ambulance is,
"Down the lane, we'll meet again."
We are keeping an eye on this incident.
Please stay tuned in.
I can't believe it.
We met him just yesterday.
Where are my shoes?
-Where are you going? -To the store...
Sorry, I just...
I just remembered I've to get some laxative...
all of a sudden.
What happened to him?
Who knows?
I'll be right back.
Now, where are you going?
He is not carrying any money. How will he buy the laxative?
The police have arrived.
Sir, does the body found on Jameel Indori's film set
belong to Sweety's boyfriend, Sunny?
Was there something going on between Sunny and Sweety?
I guess you guys know more than us.
Sir, we even heard that Indori had threatened Sunny?
-Who did you hear it from? -From our sources, sir.
Then ask your source. Why come to us?
Sir, do you have any evidence that proves Indori killed Sunny?
Inspector Naik will answer your questions. He's young blood.
Indori.
Sir, what is the progress in your investigation?
What have you done?
Hey...
You're absolutely right.
We made a huge mistake.
"We"? Stop talking shit.
What did you say? How big was that place? 500 acres?
-I am like your elder brother. -Elder brother!
Wasn't 500 acres enough to dispose one body?
You had one bloody job to do.
The police already suspect us.
We are on the news.
And you're saying, "We made a mistake."
Calm down.
Didn't you hear what they said on the news?
The police suspect Indori.
And the eye...
They haven't found the eye yet.
What did you do with the eye?
Tawde sir, there are many rumors about me. You know that.
Did Sunny get violent with Sweety?
Did you talk to Sunny?
And you are?
Inspector Ratnakar Naik.
And we're asking the questions here.
So let me repeat the question. Did you talk to Sunny?
-Naik-- -Inspector Naik or sir.
Inspector Naik sir...
I tried my best to advise him,
but when one has hot blood and raging hormones...
everything falls on deaf ears.
Right, Tawde sir?
We heard that you threatened him.
Sir Inspector Naik.
I don't need to threaten anyone.
How did you like Maharashtra Police's greetings?
Just answer the question.
Did you threaten him?
I didn't threaten him. I just tried to talk some sense into him.
-If you want, you can ask-- -Who?
That comedian and his manager.
-Hasmukh? -Yes, him.
Unfortunately, sir,
if someone gets murdered and is missing an eye...
I get blamed for it.
Because of my image.
Tension.
No pension.
What rubbish is this?
"Krushna Kumar joining OTV."
I knew this would happen.
We're not giving KK what he deserves.
I had warned Promila.
Sir, I've made sure none of this happens.
OTV's primetime slot will be filled with Chota Chandu.
And KK is not going anywhere, sir. Our contract is very solid.
Roma. Just come stand here.
Stand here. Yes.
Promila, don't you think KK's being too cheeky?
-Sir-- -Exactly, sir.
In fact, that's exactly what I think.
That's why, sir, I think we should start live voting on the show from today.
It will maintain pressure on him.
-What-- -No. He's the king of comedy, right?
Let him prove it.
It's what our wild card sensation, Hasmukh, is doing.
Perfect. Done.
That's called a bull's-eye, right on the balls.
-Sir... -It's done.
Done. Locked.
First, decide who you are going to call "sir."
Him or KK?
Who is going to tell sir that the contract stands null and void?
-I've already told sir. -I meant your sir.
-Promila, this is not funny! -Exactly.
Hi, Rehana. Tell me.
Why haven't you sent me the scripts yet?
-Do you want Rahul or should I cancel? -No, no, no...
-Send it to me ASAP. -Yeah, of course.
We want him, yes. See you.
-Rhea. -Yes, ma'am?
Send the scripts to Rahul Kapoor's team for approval.
Enjoyed the view?
I've gathered a fucking army of buffoons.
Bastards...
Do you know what it takes to own a house like this in Mumbai?
I had to constantly suck up to Pratap.
Gave myself a complete makeover. Changed my style.
I changed my name from Krushna Kumar Rathi to Krushna Kumar. KK.
Indori is taking over my house.
I won't let anyone take my house. No one can take my house from me.
-That won't-- -Shut up!
Eat it.
-Krushna-- -I said eat it.
This...
-Eat it or I'll-- -I'll eat it.
Now chew. I said chew.
Not a sound from you now. Quiet.
You speak.
Sir, Rahul Kapoor is coming on the show tonight.
So all the scripts will go through me first.
Hasmukh's script as well.
And if I get my hands on his script, then so will you.
This will be fun.
-He has arrived. -Sir, sir.
Move!
Sir, one line, sir.
-Please come. -Hey, babe, how are you?
Nice.
I gave you one job.
Here. Drink this.
-It takes time to find potential targets. -Stop making excuses, Jimmy.
What's wrong with him?
His stomach's been upset since last night.
He's been puking since morning. He's in a terrible condition.
Okay, but you have to be on set.
-But how? -Give him some medicine.
We can't cancel the show tonight. Rahul Kapoor is coming.
And send your script to Rahul's team for approval.
But, Promila...
Look at his condition.
Hasmukh, I am sorry, but you have to understand.
-You said that I could perform on my-- -I know. I know I said that.
But I cannot intervene today.
Ma'am.
Rahul Kapoor is here.
Okay. Look after him.
Rhea.
What happened?
Rahul Kapoor. That bastard.
Did he do something?
I was showing him his van, and he...
Creep.
Anyway, the script for approval...
Yes, yes.
Thank you.
Rhea.
Isn't Rahul Kapoor the same guy who had three to four rape cases against him?
Yes.
And he was never punished.
He's a powerful man, Hasmukh.
There's no point. He's always proved innocent in the end.
Concentrate on your performance. Focus, okay?
Okay.
Okay, you carry on.
-We'll just get ready and come. -Okay.
KINGS OF COMEDY
-Cut it. That's a break for Rahul Kapoor. -All right.
Rahul, thank you. You take care of yourself.
Fucking bored me to death.
-Is Rajeev Masand's review out yet? -Yes, checking.
This week's new release Cheetah 3 is like a corpse
giving mouth-to-mouth to another dead body.
A lifeless Rahul Kapoor, who looks like he just walked out from rehab
and smoked something on the way, tries to do his usual schtick,
but of course it doesn't work.
As you watch this dead-on-arrival film, you wonder why it was even made.
Rahul Kapoor gave an interview recently in which he said
that this is his most personal film yet.
My film got a multi-crore opening at the box office.
I just wanna say, Rahul Kapoor if this is personal to you,
then you need a psychiatrist or a drug to awaken your brain.
I am going with zero out of five for this monstrosity.
This is a killer... Real killer.
So well written.
Learn something.
He's sucking up, and I am liking it.
Asshole.
Two scenes...
A couple of more episodes and you would've been out of a job.
You'd just be rolling joints forever.
What is this?
What voting? Live voting...
-Dial 555... -Krushna--
-When did this happen? -I was going to tell you, Krushna.
What were you going to tell me, asshole?
Krushna, Sinha changed all the rules after that news article.
Assholes! Let the show get over,
and then you can tell me what rules Sinha has changed.
Krushna, that Promila...
Asshole.
Promila...
you messed with the wrong guy.
Hold this.
Inky Pinky Ponky.
You my donkey.
Come here.
Come here, my pony.
You're my pony.
Inky Pinky Ponky. Ponky.
Wait, wait, wait.
Pony. You're my pony.
Inky Pinky Ponky.
You're my pony.
-Where is sir? -He went for a walk.
Walk? Let's go.
My pony.
You're my pony.
Inky Pinky Ponky.
You go and bring him here.
-I'm not going. You do it. -No, you go and get him.
Hasmukh, public service is your job. You should get him.
But delivery is your job.
This looks like the action before delivery!
Fine, I'll get him, and you commit the murder.
No, no. Alright.
-Hello, sir. -Inky Pinky Ponky.
Coming. Hey, I am coming.
-Hold this one. -Inky Pinky...
Jimmy...
-He's just doing the Ponky. -He has held it.
-Ponky... -He has held mine...
-Ponky... -Come here. Come here.
-Inky Pinky Ponky. -You want me to take this off, right?
I want to take it off, too.
Look here...
I'm taking it off. Look.
-Security. -Hey, hey, stop.
Someone's there-- Jimmy?
Hey, that's just...
Hasmukh's not well.
We were coming, but he had to go again.
What's wrong with him?
-My stomach feels terrible. -I see.
-Have you guys seen Rahul Kapoor? -No, we haven't seen him.
-We're coming. Go on, we'll join you soon. -Okay, fine. Come soon.
Yes. Okay. Let's go.
Come on, hurry up.
-He's gone. -Where did he go?
I don't know. Let's go. Come on.
You go that way, and I'll look here.
Mr. Rahul Kapoor.
Mr. Rahul.
Here, Rahul, Rahul... Here, Rahul.
Mr. Rahul Kapoor.
Oh, fuck...
Where has he run away?
Mr. Rahul Kapoor.
Sir, I want to meet Tawde sir.
-What for? -I have a courier for him.
-That way. -Thank you, sir.
-Sir. -What?
Courier.
Nowadays you guys deliver these things, too?
Absolutely, sir.
24 hours, anywhere in Mumbai. Sign, sir.
Case closed.
Mr. Rahul Kapoor...
Sasha.
What happened?
Are you okay?
Vicky?
Vicky.
Money.
Vicky wants money from me.
I tell Vicky, no parties.
No Vicky business... No.
I tell Vicky I like Hasmukh.
I want Hasmukh.
I don't want Vicky.
He says he has passport... Document. Document.
-Passport. -Okay.
He says no Vicky, no money, no work...
Sasha, go back home.
-Sasha does not want to go back home. -You...
Naik. Case closed.
How is that possible, sir?
Experience, Naik. My experience.
It's what lets me see through the illusions in this world.
Experience.
You watch, now the commissioner is going to call me every hour.
Sir, the commissioner will be furious.
Don't be scared.
You'll find out everything soon.
Greetings, Jameel bhai.
Greetings. Tell me.
What has the world come to?
Fast forward.
Even evidence is delivered through courier these days.
This is Sunny's eye.
And this is a spoon that has your name on it.
Jameel bhai, you should've used some other spoon.
You killed one guy and sent evidence to another.
Even at this age, you've no dearth of enemies.
Such happiness surrounds you on all sides.
Let's go.
Tawde sir, you're arresting me now,
but unfortunately, you're not thinking about the consequences.
Let's go.
Brother.
Come here. Come here, brother. Hug me.
Come hug me, brother. Come.
Come, give me a pony. Come. Come.
Hug me. Come.
Come, come, come, come.
Come. Hug me now.
-I am going to. -Do it, bro.
Bro...
Come, hug me, bro.
Bro... Bro...