ABB NEWS
There seems to be no end to the murders of people associated with Alankaar TV.
First, it was the writer of the show, Neeraj Pandey,
and now it's the assistant on the show, Rhea Mehra.
What is this puzzle? Our entire focus has been on this case.
If we go by what one of the employees at Alankaar TV has to say,
this is the work of the Belt Killer.
I've already given my statement to the police.
It's the Belt Killer.
Yes, the Belt Killer!
Who is this Belt Killer? No one seems to have a clue.
Film City was closed down. All the shoots were stopped.
Sit, sit.
But at long last, the producers of the show
have procured the permission to shoot.
As they say, the show must go on!
Tonight, the finale of Kings of Comedy will be filmed.
Bring me some snacks.
But the question still remains. Who is this Belt Killer?
Where does he come from? Where did he go? Has anyone seen him?
The police, too, are unable to give us any information about him.
-Tension. -This Belt Killer is still on the loose.
And we don't know how many more lives will be lost by the time this show ends.
This is Hardik Mehta from ABB News, reporting from Film City.
Promila...
I can't get Rhea out of my head.
How could anyone do this to her?
Who could... I can't believe it.
I still feel like she'll call me any minute now and say,
"Ma'am, it's all good. Everything is under control."
It's not right!
Promila, I will win the show tonight.
Not for myself...
not even for you...
but for Rhea.
I'll win.
I'll have to find this murderer or it'll be the end of us all.
-Sir. -Yeah?
I can't get through to Ajinkya.
-Sir, I feel that Hasmukh-- -Cut it. Just cut the call.
You never listen to me. At least listen to the people above me.
Look, the case is closed until they finish shooting the show.
-But, sir-- -Am I clear? The case is closed.
This Belt Killer is going to kill my pension.
Let's go.
It's important that we find Ajinkya.
You're the best.
KK is the best, motherfucker! KK!
KK is the best.
Krushna.
Krushna, I've been trying to call...
What are you doing? Jimmy!
Get off me.
Why did you kill her? Tell me, you bastard.
What the fuck are you doing, Jimmy?
Tell me or I will kill you.
Tell me!
You fucker.
You fucker!
Bastard.
With this hand...
You killed her with this hand, didn't you? Didn't you?
I'll tell you.
It just happened. Sorry.
Jimmy!
You're not going to kill him.
Why not?
Why shouldn't I kill him?
Because if you do, you won't be who you are anymore.
And what the hell have I achieved by being who I am?
Jimmy, once you lose it,
only then do you realize what you've really lost.
I know what it's like.
-Shut up! -I don't want to lose you!
Jimmy, please.
Don't do it.
The real Hasmukh died back in Saharanpur.
And whenever I kill, he dies again. Every single time.
I see all their faces at night...
dancing in front of my eyes.
And I can't take it anymore. So please, Jimmy, don't do it.
If not for me, then for Rhea's sake.
I am here for you.
Look at me.
This isn't your curse.
It's mine.
I'll do it.
Let's use him. We'll kill him when the time is right.
I've figured out where this story ends.
Yes?
You were right, Hasmukh.
You know what we've lost for this.
Don't you worry, Promila.
I will win this show.
I am fully prepared.
Ma'am...
We have a few questions for Ajinkya,
but he isn't answering his phone.
Any idea where he could be?
I don't know. I mean, today's the finale. So he could be anywhere.
Hasmukh has a lot of fans.
Yes, he has.
In fact, we have some special guests
who've come all the way from Saharanpur for him.
-His aunt and-- -His uncle.
No, not his uncle.
He's actually the inspector from there.
He's a huge fan of Hasmukh.
-They're calling you. -Okay, let's go.
Excuse me. I'll see you later. Please have a seat.
Yes, of course.
Come.
Serve me some food.
Inspector, hello from Mumbai Police.
Meet myself.
Meet myself, Chandar Singh, Saharanpur Police.
Inspector Tawde.
Hello, Inspector Tawde, Inspector Naik.
-All good? -Come.
Am I under arrest?
We wouldn't dare. Please, let's sit here.
Just kidding, sir. It's an old habit.
No problem.
-Yes. So, have you guys eaten? -Yes, we have.
So, please tell me...
So, you're here to watch Hasmukh?
-Actually, Hasmukh grew up watching me. -I see.
I've come here to support him.
I had a dream since childhood of becoming a great leader.
I couldn't become a leader,
so I thought I may as well become a cheerleader.
He's a really dedicated kid.
He's climbed the ladder of success quite quickly.
-Really? How? -How?
Once there was a mentor and his disciple.
The mentor died. Who was left?
-The disciple. -The disciple.
He's the first disciple to have surpassed his mentor, Gulati.
-Do you know Gulati, too? -Of course. I don't know him at all.
Silly questions have silly answers.
There isn't a person in UP who doesn't know of Gulati.
In fact, I think Gulati was the cloud obscuring this star.
As the clouds cleared, the star began to shine.
Twinkle, twinkle, twinkle.
And not just Gulati, just look at this guy's luck,
all obstacles in his path cleared on their own...
Whether it was Gulati or his uncle.
What about the uncle?
One's sport was flying pigeons and one's sport was chasing skirts.
The pigeons flew away. Who was left?
The skirt-chaser.
Right. The skirt-chaser.
Chasing skirts led his uncle down the spiral.
Luck was on his side, and he survived his uncle.
-Meaning? -His uncle had made his life hell.
And it's not just his uncle.
His luck was so bad earlier
that no matter where he went, something terrible would always happen.
But look at him now.
It's his time now.
No one can stop him now. Just wait and watch.
What are your plans in Mumbai? How long are you here for?
I'll visit a couple of temples and then head back home.
Come with us.
We'll show you the Siddhivinayak temple and the Ganesha temple.
Shah Rukh's Mannat, Mr. Bachchan's Pratiksha,
and Salman's Galaxy.
Otherwise, there's no dearth of Gods back in Saharanpur.
Please add a few more days to your itinerary.
Mumbai Police have a lot to learn from the UP Police.
So does Harvard, but I've no time to spare.
But I'll give you all the time you want and my life, too.
With you, for you always.
Lift him. Turn him around.
Open it. Get out, you bastard.
Get up!
Motherfucker!
Sit here.
No matter what you guys do, KK is going to win.
I'll show you... Bastard.
Open your mouth. Open it! Speak up.
Jimmy.
Slowly, Hasmukh. Take your time.
He should feel the pain.
KINGS OF COMEDY
Both our finalists are ready.
Two warriors
who will face each other on this battlefield.
One of them is the undisputed king of comedy,
and the other is this season's wild card sensation...
all the way from Saharanpur.
It'll be interesting to see who between these two warriors
will be crowned the King of Comedy.
Get ready...
for the ultimate clash of the titans!
Face, face.
Montu.
So shall we begin?
I can't hear you!
KK! KK! KK!
Nice.
My dear friends,
you guys have been with KK through his journey on this show
just like the stars are with the moon,
the sewers are around the roads,
the bands are with the wedding processions,
and scandals with the governments.
And the biggest scandal in the world is marriage.
Who all present here are married?
Raise your hands.
Me, I'm married. You're not.
Wow, so many ruined lives.
How many here are still single?
Footloose and fancy-free, and in no way pitiful?
-Sir, me. -Me.
Look at that.
Now that's genuine happiness.
Happiness abandons married people
just like a politician abandons his constituency after winning.
Alright!
In India, there are two types of marriages.
Love marriages and arranged marriages.
But the worst are those who say, "Ours was an arranged-cum-love marriage."
They're like vegetarians who eat eggs.
Anyway, the generation today is different.
They marry neither for love nor for their parents.
They marry for Instagram.
They may have barely 20 people at the wedding,
but there should be 200 likes on Instagram.
But all said and done,
I love weddings. I love them.
Not my own, mind you. I just love going to weddings.
The first guests you run into at a wedding are the aunts.
They're like those switches in the house
that are redundant and don't turn anything on.
These aunts are just that.
They ask every kid at the wedding,
"Child, do you know who I am?
I'm your aunt.
You're all grown up now. Don't you recognize me?"
"Aunt, let's get one thing straight.
You look like one of those vamps on television.
You look like a witch with your loud makeup.
The kids are afraid and are running helter-skelter.
The groom says he won't get married until this witch leaves.
And you think I won't grow up?
I'm a human kid, not some inanimate object!
Aunt, please study biology. You clearly don't know anything."
KK! KK! KK!
He killed it!
I love it!
KK! KK! KK!
Another person at the wedding is the helpless but good-looking groom.
And he has only one archnemesis.
The priest.
What is the groom's main aim at the wedding?
The wedding night.
And what is the biggest obstacle in his path? The priest.
The poor groom has big dreams for his wedding night.
And the priest...
keeps testing his patience with his never-ending chants.
He starts at 5:00 in the evening and goes on until 5:00 in the morning.
The night's over, but there's no sign of the wedding night.
Now, married people may not know much about marriage,
but Hasmukh seems to know everything.
Hasmukh has come here all the way from Saharanpur
telling his husband-wife jokes.
Once, a wife asked her husband,
"When we met for the first time,
what was the color of the saree that I was wearing?"
The husband said, "I can’t remember."
The wife asked, "Why?"
The husband replies,
"When someone lies down on the railway tracks to commit suicide,
he isn’t concerned if the oncoming train is a passenger train or a superfast one."
But this joke isn't complete. Let KK finish it for you.
So, the wife smiles after hearing the husband's reply.
The husband asks, "Why are you smiling?"
Wife says, "This is an intercity train,
because the neighbor,
the postman, the milkman, the neighbor's son Rinku have all ridden this train."
And since that day,
the husband's been standing in the queue for his train ticket.
Hasmukh has no clue about the relationship between a husband and wife.
He's never been married after all.
He can only tell jokes about them.
Hasmukh, if you knew about the intricacies of marriage,
your jokes would've been better.
Alright, now my body's all pumped up but my time is up.
So this is where I bid you goodbye, your favorite KK.
And over to...
What's your name?
Hasmukh.
Over to Hasmukh.
Set the stage on fire, my tiger.
God bless.
Very good, KK!
KK! KK! KK!
Let's have another round of applause for my friend, KK.
These big, important city people are asking a tiger to set the stage on fire.
They need an animal's help to light a matchstick.
So, KK, do you ask the horse to give you a hand
on your wedding night?
He's absolutely right.
I only came here to crack jokes about husbands and wives.
But during this process, you and I have actually become husband and wife.
Now, don't ask who's the husband and who's the wife.
One is screwing the other, but both are having fun, that's all.
It's alright...
Just like small events happen in big cities,
small artists sometimes do perform in big studios.
Amazing.
Hasmukh!
KK's right.
I am a small-time artist.
A vagrant from Saharanpur.
And small people forget their ways when they come to big cities.
Why? What's the point of changing?
Look at what I'm wearing.
Am I a person or Aladdin's lamp?
I can't tell.
Let's try rubbing me and see what happens.
I'm only kidding. I'm kidding.
If you rub me, you'll only fulfil my wish and not yours.
KK says that he's worked really hard.
So what? Doesn't everyone work hard?
He does, I do, so do these TV people.
And to laugh at his jokes is hard work for you, too.
Once, a good man and a bad man died and went to heaven.
God asks them, "Are you good or bad?"
Neither of them know.
So God asks them, "Did you help the poor?"
The bad one says no and the good one says yes.
God asks, "Did you lead an honest life?"
The bad one says no and the good one says yes.
And so God sends the bad person to heaven and sends the good one back to earth.
The good guy gets really infuriated.
He yells at God, saying, "This is unfair! I've done so many good things."
God says, "Yes, and you should continue doing them.
What's the point of sending this asshole down?"
I am not a good guy.
I'm not bad, either.
I am somewhere in the middle.
Confused.
In a sandwich, I'm neither the bread nor the stuffing.
I am just the sauce that adds to the flavour.
And the life of a confused man is the worst.
A good guy feeds biscuits to dogs, a bad guy kicks dogs.
But the confused guy gets bitten by dogs every day.
Amazing.
Even the dog mocks the confused guy.
A good guy saves money, a bad guy asks for money.
But a confused guy gives a speech at 8:30 in the night
and drains all the money from the country.
A good guy embraces you and a bad guy strangles you.
But a confused guy...
strangles you first and then cries for you.
And in Mumbai, one guy can be all three.
Because we never go back to being the same person we were
when we first came to Mumbai.
During the journey, we turn into something else.
We arrive in Mumbai like Kejriwal and we leave like Modi,
but somewhere in the middle, we were Mayawati.
Amazing! Stunning!
When a man comes to Mumbai for the first time, he feels alive...
and then this city kills him.
Maybe Hasmukh died in Mumbai.
And then Hasmukh went to heaven and stood in front of God.
God asked Hasmukh, "Were you a good guy or a bad guy?"
Hasmukh said, "Shut up, you idiot. I wrote this joke.
I am a comedian.
Don't try to steal my joke.
You are Lord Krishna, not Krushna Kumar."
I don't want a place in Heaven.
I just want to tell my jokes to the people of Mumbai.
Now, one last joke before I leave.
Once, a wife asks her husband, "Will you miss me when I die?"
Husband says, "Yes, every day."
Wife says, "Do you really love me so much?"
And the husband replies, "No.
But as a child, I was taught to never forget the rough times
in your happier days."
I don't know if the days to come will be good or bad...
but we'll spend them together.
After all, we're husband and wife.
My name's Hasmukh.
Thank you.
Wow!
Hasmukh!
That was amazing. Outstanding.
Alright, it's now time for our last break.
But after we come back from the break,
we'll announce who the people of the country...
that's you...
have chosen as the King of Comedy.
5553.
-I'm voting for him, too. -Me too.
Sir, you have a call.
Have you seen Ajinkya?
Ajinkya? No, sir.
-What happened? -Did he call you?
My phone's been off.
Sorry.
Sir, he's sent me some texts.
And 14 missed calls.
Play that.
Krushna, where are you?
Where are you?
Why are you not talking to me?
Didn't I tell you that I'd do anything for you?
Anything!
I've handled everything.
You have no fucking idea what I just did for you.
No one will do it!
Sir, please come here.
Come with me.
Case closed.
-Come on. Good night. -Why good night, sir?
You heard the recording, didn't you?
What was it? A love story.
Whose? Ajinkya's and KK's.
Indori and KK, money problem.
Correct?
-Who did Shastri work for? -Indori.
Shastri gets taken out of the picture, but Indori is still a threat.
Kill Sunny.
Indori gets jailed, and who benefits from all this? KK.
Neeraj gave KK's lines to Hasmukh. So Neeraj gets taken out.
And why does he do it?
Because Ajinkya would do anything for love.
But, sir, even Gulati's neck was--
Look, Naik, if you can get me another body
that's been murdered in the same way, I'll believe you.
Case closed for now, sir.
-Chewing gum? -No.
Let's go.
Greetings.
Time works in mysterious ways.
Guruji says,
"You arrive with nothing and you shall depart with nothing."
All the best.
KK, "What belongs to you today once belonged to me,
and tomorrow, it'll belong to someone else."
It's what my guruji says.
Welcome back.
The moment you've all been waiting for has finally arrived.
In a few moments, I will announce
the winner of Kings of Comedy.
Winner.
Time works in mysterious ways.
Please welcome, with a big round of applause, Mr. Pratap.
Are you all ready?
Listen. Listen up, everyone.
Tonight, the winner of Kings of Comedy...
is...
KK!
What?
This isn't fair!
"What belongs to you today once belonged to me,
and tomorrow, it'll belong to someone else."
It's what my guruji says.
Sometimes your guruji says the absolute right thing.
Time does work in mysterious ways, Mr. Sinha.
Sometimes in this hand and sometimes in that one.
Time works in mysterious ways, Mr. Sinha.
And right now, time is in KK's favour.
Just like an anklet...
But...
Ladies and gentlemen, the King of Comedy on Kings of Comedy!
KK!
These things happen. Don't worry. Next time, alright?
Awesome job, my friends.
KK!
I've never seen anyone work so hard to lose.
But, darling, it doesn't matter.
Your losing streak has only just begun.
Just wait and see what's to come.
Remember you were telling Jimmy
that Rhea's death will work in your favour?
Of course it will.
You don't know what's in store for you.
This story started with me and it will end with me.
I have a question.
Do you know him?
There were two people, Shamshad and Devi Prasad.
Shamshad died, and so did Devi Prasad.
He was a total horn-dog.
Some woman attacked him.
Did you really think that you'd get away?
But how did he die?
Now, he was a horn-dog, so obviously, by strangulation.
He was drunk on alcohol and women, so he tied his belt up here instead.
And died.
A wife asks her husband, "Where are we going for our second honeymoon?"
The husband asks, "Why does it matter?
If a man's going to get screwed, he'll get screwed either way.
It doesn't matter if he's in Mumbai or Saharanpur."
Right?