1 00:00:47,013 --> 00:00:48,015 New York City. 2 00:00:48,017 --> 00:00:50,014 No matter how well you think you know it, 3 00:00:50,016 --> 00:00:54,018 there's always somewhere or someone new to discover. 4 00:00:54,020 --> 00:00:57,020 I was on my second date with Ray King, who lived in Queens, 5 00:00:57,022 --> 00:01:00,007 although it felt like our second, third and fourth date 6 00:01:00,009 --> 00:01:03,003 because we'd been to three jazz clubs in one night. 7 00:01:03,005 --> 00:01:05,011 I can't sing for shit, but damn, can I chop. 8 00:01:05,013 --> 00:01:07,019 And where does one learn this skill? 9 00:01:07,021 --> 00:01:09,004 Jersey Shore. 10 00:01:09,006 --> 00:01:10,014 -Oh, is that where you're from-- -Listen. 11 00:01:11,012 --> 00:01:12,011 This lick right here... 12 00:01:12,013 --> 00:01:13,017 is why I wanted to play the bass. 13 00:01:16,012 --> 00:01:17,018 Man... 14 00:01:17,020 --> 00:01:19,017 How about that? 15 00:01:19,019 --> 00:01:21,006 Jesus, that's sweet. 16 00:01:22,001 --> 00:01:23,021 Listen to that again. 17 00:01:32,022 --> 00:01:35,007 Yeah, yeah? 18 00:01:40,014 --> 00:01:42,015 How about that? 19 00:01:46,003 --> 00:01:48,010 This might be a good time to tell you... 20 00:01:49,010 --> 00:01:51,004 I don't like jazz. 21 00:01:55,001 --> 00:01:57,006 Why would you say something like that? 22 00:01:57,008 --> 00:01:59,018 I dunno, you can't follow it 23 00:01:59,020 --> 00:02:01,023 and there's no melody. 24 00:02:02,001 --> 00:02:04,011 And it's just like... It's all over the place. 25 00:02:04,013 --> 00:02:07,018 Carrie, you gotta stop trying to make it be something else 26 00:02:07,020 --> 00:02:10,015 and appreciate it for what it is. 27 00:02:10,017 --> 00:02:13,016 Damn, I wish I had my bass. 28 00:02:14,013 --> 00:02:16,015 Come here, you be the bass. 29 00:02:16,017 --> 00:02:19,012 Don't I have to be in the musician's union or something? 30 00:02:19,014 --> 00:02:20,017 Ah, ah, ah. 31 00:02:20,019 --> 00:02:22,005 Do you play all those instruments? 32 00:02:22,007 --> 00:02:23,016 Play's a little strong. I, uh, 33 00:02:23,018 --> 00:02:26,000 learn a few notes, I get bored, I move on. 34 00:02:26,022 --> 00:02:29,020 Listen to the bass. 35 00:02:29,022 --> 00:02:31,023 The beauty of jazz... 36 00:02:32,001 --> 00:02:34,017 is that it can go anywhere. 37 00:02:34,019 --> 00:02:37,005 It can go from here... 38 00:02:38,007 --> 00:02:40,007 to here. 39 00:02:41,012 --> 00:02:43,017 -To here. 40 00:02:45,016 --> 00:02:49,008 It was right about that time that I started to appreciate 41 00:02:49,010 --> 00:02:52,011 a little type of music we call jazz. 42 00:02:55,006 --> 00:02:57,019 So, what did you do last night, Carrie? 43 00:02:57,021 --> 00:03:00,009 I listened to jazz. 44 00:03:02,012 --> 00:03:04,016 What is so funny about jazz? 45 00:03:05,016 --> 00:03:07,015 Okay, here it is. 46 00:03:08,023 --> 00:03:11,009 Last night with Ray... 47 00:03:12,007 --> 00:03:13,017 I had... 48 00:03:16,001 --> 00:03:19,020 ...the most intense orgasm of my entire life. 49 00:03:19,022 --> 00:03:22,005 -Ah... -I did my laundry. 50 00:03:22,007 --> 00:03:23,008 Continue. 51 00:03:23,010 --> 00:03:25,015 It doesn't make any sense, I barely know him. 52 00:03:25,017 --> 00:03:27,005 We've only been on two dates. 53 00:03:27,007 --> 00:03:28,021 And yet, you had sex with him. 54 00:03:29,000 --> 00:03:32,013 Can everyone please let Carrie talk about the sex? 55 00:03:32,015 --> 00:03:35,015 The mind-blowing sex. Now... 56 00:03:35,017 --> 00:03:39,000 I realize that this next statement 57 00:03:39,002 --> 00:03:43,003 makes me a bit of a freak, but, um... 58 00:03:43,005 --> 00:03:46,009 I usually have to be in love with someone 59 00:03:46,011 --> 00:03:48,008 to have that kind of orgasm. 60 00:03:48,010 --> 00:03:50,003 You might want to see someone about that. 61 00:03:50,005 --> 00:03:52,011 What the hell is going on? 62 00:03:52,013 --> 00:03:54,006 Maybe Ray is "the one." 63 00:03:54,008 --> 00:03:56,001 Your clitoris seems to think so. 64 00:03:56,003 --> 00:03:57,018 It was probably just a fluke. 65 00:03:57,020 --> 00:03:59,018 I'm going back tomorrow to find out. 66 00:03:59,020 --> 00:04:02,012 I, on the other hand, am on strike. 67 00:04:02,014 --> 00:04:04,002 What does that mean? 68 00:04:04,004 --> 00:04:06,011 It means I'm not having any more sex. 69 00:04:06,013 --> 00:04:08,015 That's not a strike, honey, that's a slump. 70 00:04:08,017 --> 00:04:10,020 No, it might have started as a slump, 71 00:04:10,022 --> 00:04:12,012 but I'm in control of it now. 72 00:04:12,014 --> 00:04:15,000 I've made the conscious decision not to have sex 73 00:04:15,002 --> 00:04:16,002 until conditions improve. 74 00:04:16,004 --> 00:04:18,012 And how many people will be affected by this strike? 75 00:04:18,014 --> 00:04:21,012 Um, so far, just the one, but I'm optimistic. 76 00:04:23,005 --> 00:04:27,020 The thing is, I can't go on any more bad dates. 77 00:04:27,022 --> 00:04:30,020 I would rather be home alone than out with some guy 78 00:04:30,022 --> 00:04:33,006 who sells socks on the internet. 79 00:04:33,008 --> 00:04:35,023 Well, I'm dating someone. 80 00:04:36,001 --> 00:04:38,007 Someone I actually like. 81 00:04:38,009 --> 00:04:40,009 -Good. -Wow! 82 00:04:40,011 --> 00:04:41,022 Maria. 83 00:04:45,001 --> 00:04:47,019 Maria, Maria, my Maria from the gallery? 84 00:04:47,021 --> 00:04:50,021 Well, she's my Maria now, we're having a... 85 00:04:50,023 --> 00:04:53,005 relationship. 86 00:04:53,007 --> 00:04:56,017 Yes, ladies, I'm a lesbian. 87 00:04:57,023 --> 00:05:01,020 Wait a second. You're in a relationship? 88 00:05:01,022 --> 00:05:03,007 Yes... Oh... 89 00:05:04,004 --> 00:05:05,007 And she just walked in, 90 00:05:05,009 --> 00:05:06,017 so, please get those looks off your faces. 91 00:05:06,019 --> 00:05:08,010 Maria! 92 00:05:14,014 --> 00:05:16,009 -Hello. -You know Charlotte. 93 00:05:16,011 --> 00:05:17,013 Oh, yeah, sure. 94 00:05:17,015 --> 00:05:19,004 And this is Carrie and Miranda. 95 00:05:19,006 --> 00:05:20,016 -Hi! -So nice to meet you. 96 00:05:20,018 --> 00:05:22,000 Really good to see you. 97 00:05:22,002 --> 00:05:25,020 -I see you told them. -Mm-hmm. 98 00:05:25,022 --> 00:05:27,009 -How does that work? -Ah, ah. 99 00:05:27,011 --> 00:05:29,012 You go to bed one night, you wake up the next morning, 100 00:05:29,014 --> 00:05:30,016 and poof, you're a lesbian? 101 00:05:30,018 --> 00:05:33,003 Oh, I forgot to tell you, I'm a fire hydrant. 102 00:05:33,005 --> 00:05:35,014 Yeah, I'm a shoe. 103 00:05:35,016 --> 00:05:38,010 I always wanted to be one, and, poof, now I am. 104 00:05:38,012 --> 00:05:41,011 I don't think she's a lesbian, I think she just ran out of men. 105 00:05:41,013 --> 00:05:44,011 Then you go on strike, you don't eat pussy. 106 00:05:44,013 --> 00:05:47,000 -Ew! -Did you just say... 107 00:05:47,002 --> 00:05:48,017 ...eat pussy? 108 00:05:48,019 --> 00:05:51,004 I did, but just for emphasis. 109 00:05:53,006 --> 00:05:56,000 You know, the truly amazing thing is 110 00:05:56,002 --> 00:05:57,018 I had the news tonight. 111 00:05:57,020 --> 00:06:00,009 I had the most intense... 112 00:06:00,011 --> 00:06:02,008 "Mind-blowing," I believe was the word. 113 00:06:02,010 --> 00:06:03,019 ...orgasm of my life, 114 00:06:03,021 --> 00:06:07,014 and Samantha still managed to up-sex me. 115 00:06:13,010 --> 00:06:16,001 They met at my gallery, I introduced them. 116 00:06:16,003 --> 00:06:17,019 Poof, you're a pimp. 117 00:06:19,006 --> 00:06:21,019 Later that night, inspired by Samantha's willingness 118 00:06:21,021 --> 00:06:23,006 to explore new territory, 119 00:06:23,008 --> 00:06:26,019 Charlotte felt it was time to conquer some old territory. 120 00:06:26,021 --> 00:06:28,002 The bed... 121 00:06:28,004 --> 00:06:31,022 where she and Trey had so much trouble as man and wife. 122 00:06:32,000 --> 00:06:33,012 Here we are. 123 00:06:34,003 --> 00:06:35,009 Yep. 124 00:06:36,017 --> 00:06:38,016 Should we have a glass of wine first? 125 00:06:38,018 --> 00:06:42,004 -I'm fine, unless you-- -No, no, I'm okay. 126 00:06:47,011 --> 00:06:49,018 -If you don't feel ready-- 127 00:07:00,019 --> 00:07:02,019 Just because she was on strike, 128 00:07:02,021 --> 00:07:05,008 didn't mean she had to do without. 129 00:07:07,008 --> 00:07:10,012 That's how Miranda discovered the perfect relationship... 130 00:07:10,014 --> 00:07:12,000 Welcome to the show! I'm Jon Stewart and... 131 00:07:12,002 --> 00:07:14,023 Jon Stewart and chocolate eclairs. 132 00:07:15,001 --> 00:07:17,021 ...and she is, from what I understand, 133 00:07:17,023 --> 00:07:20,007 in love with me. 134 00:07:20,009 --> 00:07:23,004 That night, Charlotte and Trey enjoyed a sweet ending 135 00:07:23,006 --> 00:07:25,014 to their evening as well. 136 00:07:26,019 --> 00:07:28,003 Not bad, huh? 137 00:07:28,005 --> 00:07:30,002 -Not bad. 138 00:07:30,004 --> 00:07:32,023 It was almost "mind-blowing." 139 00:07:33,001 --> 00:07:34,019 Charlotte was relieved. 140 00:07:34,021 --> 00:07:37,013 Now that they had fixed their problem in the bedroom, 141 00:07:37,015 --> 00:07:41,017 she was ready to move back into the other rooms as well. 142 00:07:41,019 --> 00:07:44,014 -So... 143 00:07:44,016 --> 00:07:47,005 What are you thinking? 144 00:07:47,007 --> 00:07:51,023 I'm thinking I've never seen my John Thomas so hard. 145 00:07:52,001 --> 00:07:54,001 I swear, Charlotte, at times I felt like 146 00:07:54,003 --> 00:07:56,005 it was gonna rocket right off. 147 00:07:57,022 --> 00:08:00,010 What were you thinking? 148 00:08:01,008 --> 00:08:03,017 I don't know, um... 149 00:08:05,021 --> 00:08:07,010 Should I... 150 00:08:11,016 --> 00:08:13,003 Do you... 151 00:08:16,004 --> 00:08:17,011 Are we ready to-- 152 00:08:17,013 --> 00:08:19,000 Go again? 153 00:08:22,019 --> 00:08:25,015 Houston, we don't have a problem. 154 00:08:26,016 --> 00:08:29,002 Three, two, one, 155 00:08:29,004 --> 00:08:30,012 blast off! 156 00:08:34,008 --> 00:08:35,010 Who is it? 157 00:08:35,012 --> 00:08:37,002 It's Ray. 158 00:08:37,004 --> 00:08:39,002 Oh, hi, come on up. 159 00:08:40,008 --> 00:08:41,016 Oh, shit. 160 00:08:45,012 --> 00:08:48,012 -Hello? -So, did you and the girls 161 00:08:48,014 --> 00:08:50,021 run down the street talking about me? 162 00:08:50,023 --> 00:08:53,000 -Maybe. -How many blocks? 163 00:08:53,002 --> 00:08:56,023 Oh, two, okay, nine. 164 00:08:57,001 --> 00:08:58,022 Honestly, I'm a little hurt. 165 00:08:59,000 --> 00:09:00,020 I mean, after all the hours I've spent listening 166 00:09:00,022 --> 00:09:03,004 to you people talk about your relationships. 167 00:09:04,012 --> 00:09:05,018 You do that? 168 00:09:05,020 --> 00:09:07,011 I make the courtesy call. 169 00:09:07,013 --> 00:09:10,001 "Do you think you love him? Blah, blah, blah." 170 00:09:10,003 --> 00:09:12,015 Well, you just caught us a little off guard 171 00:09:12,017 --> 00:09:13,022 with the lesbian thing. 172 00:09:14,000 --> 00:09:16,012 That's just a label like Gucci or Versace. 173 00:09:16,014 --> 00:09:17,018 Or Birkenstock. 174 00:09:17,020 --> 00:09:20,011 This is not about being gay or straight. 175 00:09:20,013 --> 00:09:22,019 Maria is an incredible woman. 176 00:09:22,021 --> 00:09:25,003 She's got passion and talent, 177 00:09:25,005 --> 00:09:28,002 -intelligence and-- -A vagina. 178 00:09:28,004 --> 00:09:29,022 Oh, vagina schmagina. 179 00:09:30,000 --> 00:09:31,006 Schmagina? 180 00:09:31,008 --> 00:09:33,020 Is that what the lesbians are calling it? 181 00:09:33,022 --> 00:09:36,011 For your information, we haven't even had sex yet. 182 00:09:36,013 --> 00:09:39,010 Wow, you really are in a relationship. 183 00:09:39,012 --> 00:09:43,009 Yes, I am, Carrie, life is not all about sex. 184 00:09:43,011 --> 00:09:46,003 Yeah, try telling that to her schmagina. 185 00:09:46,005 --> 00:09:48,014 I want a bourbon and I want to go down on you. 186 00:09:50,002 --> 00:09:52,007 Not necessarily in that order. 187 00:09:52,009 --> 00:09:53,022 The truth is... 188 00:09:54,000 --> 00:09:56,022 I really want it to be special the first time. 189 00:09:57,000 --> 00:10:00,005 Well, I'm sure that it will be special. 190 00:10:00,007 --> 00:10:05,008 I'm... I'm sure it will be special because-- 191 00:10:05,010 --> 00:10:07,011 Is Ray there? 192 00:10:07,013 --> 00:10:10,002 No, no, no, Samantha, I'm listening... I... 193 00:10:10,004 --> 00:10:13,005 Uh... I'm listening. 194 00:10:13,007 --> 00:10:15,015 The next day, I thought about what Samantha said. 195 00:10:15,017 --> 00:10:17,003 She wasn't having sex 196 00:10:17,005 --> 00:10:19,005 because she wanted to have a relationship, 197 00:10:19,007 --> 00:10:21,002 and I was having mind-blowing sex, 198 00:10:21,004 --> 00:10:23,013 hoping to turn it into a relationship. 199 00:10:23,015 --> 00:10:25,000 So, there you have it. 200 00:10:25,002 --> 00:10:27,005 We've got a relationship without sex 201 00:10:27,007 --> 00:10:28,020 and sex without a relationship. 202 00:10:28,022 --> 00:10:31,017 Which had a better shot at survival? 203 00:10:31,019 --> 00:10:33,007 I couldn't help but wonder... 204 00:10:33,009 --> 00:10:36,021 What comes first, the chicken or the sex? 205 00:10:36,023 --> 00:10:39,022 That night, I decided to really talk to Ray. 206 00:10:40,000 --> 00:10:43,023 I figured we needed to catch the relationship up to the sex. 207 00:10:44,001 --> 00:10:46,006 Well, that was the plan. 208 00:10:46,008 --> 00:10:49,016 Wait, wait a minute, wait, wait, wait. 209 00:10:49,018 --> 00:10:53,020 I asked you a question, where did you go to school? 210 00:10:53,022 --> 00:10:55,007 All over. 211 00:10:55,009 --> 00:10:58,019 -Oh, freckles on the legs, 212 00:10:58,021 --> 00:11:00,020 nothing wrong with that. 213 00:11:00,022 --> 00:11:03,016 It was my best relationship ever. 214 00:11:05,022 --> 00:11:08,004 Meanwhile, over at Casa de Lesbo... 215 00:11:08,006 --> 00:11:10,019 That coq au vin was amazing. 216 00:11:10,021 --> 00:11:15,006 You can paint, you can cook, you can do everything. 217 00:11:19,003 --> 00:11:25,023 But you brought the most incredible dessert. 218 00:11:26,001 --> 00:11:28,004 Take a bite. 219 00:11:32,014 --> 00:11:35,013 Samantha decided if she was going to be gay, 220 00:11:35,015 --> 00:11:37,023 she'd be gay all the way. 221 00:11:43,019 --> 00:11:46,019 I might not be much in the kitchen, 222 00:11:46,021 --> 00:11:50,015 but I'm more than enough in the bedroom. 223 00:12:01,009 --> 00:12:03,002 Oh, baby. 224 00:12:03,004 --> 00:12:04,018 Samantha. 225 00:12:06,001 --> 00:12:08,019 It's not really working for me. 226 00:12:09,021 --> 00:12:11,006 It was a phrase 227 00:12:11,008 --> 00:12:13,014 Samantha had never heard in bed before. 228 00:12:13,016 --> 00:12:17,010 Well, honey, I've never gotten any complaints from the men. 229 00:12:19,004 --> 00:12:21,014 Well, men... 230 00:12:23,012 --> 00:12:27,010 I want you to look at me... 231 00:12:29,002 --> 00:12:31,020 Connect with me. 232 00:12:33,003 --> 00:12:35,020 This is lovemaking. 233 00:12:35,022 --> 00:12:38,021 It's not a porno flick. 234 00:12:38,023 --> 00:12:42,003 I want to show you. I'm gonna lay down 235 00:12:42,005 --> 00:12:44,020 and I want you to look at my boceta. 236 00:12:46,013 --> 00:12:49,015 That's a Portuguese word for pussy. 237 00:12:58,001 --> 00:12:59,007 Meanwhile, Miranda, 238 00:12:59,009 --> 00:13:00,023 still off sex and on chocolate, 239 00:13:01,001 --> 00:13:03,007 couldn't bring herself to order the seven eclairs 240 00:13:03,009 --> 00:13:04,018 she really wanted. 241 00:13:04,020 --> 00:13:06,020 So, she asked for just one. 242 00:13:06,022 --> 00:13:10,000 One cake... Please. 243 00:13:10,002 --> 00:13:11,011 Which do you recommend? 244 00:13:11,013 --> 00:13:12,018 I'd go with the Louvre. 245 00:13:12,020 --> 00:13:15,018 Monsieur Payard's signature chocolate cake. 246 00:13:15,020 --> 00:13:17,001 Wow. 247 00:13:17,003 --> 00:13:18,021 -Sold. -Okay, 248 00:13:18,023 --> 00:13:20,013 that'll be $74.50. 249 00:13:20,015 --> 00:13:23,013 As in 74 dollars and 50 cents? 250 00:13:23,015 --> 00:13:24,016 Yes. 251 00:13:24,018 --> 00:13:26,016 Miranda decided she didn't need a cake 252 00:13:26,018 --> 00:13:28,001 that badly... 253 00:13:30,015 --> 00:13:34,019 Especially when she could make one for under five dollars. 254 00:13:34,021 --> 00:13:39,000 Every once in a while, a girl has to indulge herself. 255 00:13:45,017 --> 00:13:49,016 Oh! Oh! 256 00:13:56,023 --> 00:13:58,013 Oh! 257 00:13:59,008 --> 00:14:01,023 Oh! Oh! Oh! 258 00:14:02,001 --> 00:14:04,000 Trey, I'm on the mallard! 259 00:14:04,002 --> 00:14:05,021 Sorry. 260 00:14:55,019 --> 00:14:57,023 He still hasn't asked me to move back in. 261 00:14:58,001 --> 00:15:00,016 We make love all over the apartment, and then in the morning 262 00:15:00,018 --> 00:15:02,007 I get up and get in a cab and go home 263 00:15:02,009 --> 00:15:03,017 just like a Park Avenue hooker! 264 00:15:03,019 --> 00:15:04,022 Can't you bring it up? 265 00:15:05,000 --> 00:15:07,004 No! We finally got the penis working, 266 00:15:07,006 --> 00:15:08,014 I don't want to scare it. 267 00:15:09,019 --> 00:15:11,003 Why can't I have the relationship and the sex? 268 00:15:11,005 --> 00:15:13,009 -Why is it one or the other? -You got me. 269 00:15:13,011 --> 00:15:16,007 I wanna order. Where's the lesbian du jour? 270 00:15:16,009 --> 00:15:18,022 Oh, listen, you guys, when she gets here, 271 00:15:19,000 --> 00:15:21,004 we have to talk about her relationship. 272 00:15:21,006 --> 00:15:23,020 She was kind of mad we didn't take it seriously last time. 273 00:15:23,022 --> 00:15:26,006 Oh, please. She isn't having a relationship. 274 00:15:26,008 --> 00:15:27,017 She's just doing this to bug us. 275 00:15:27,019 --> 00:15:28,022 I don't know. 276 00:15:29,000 --> 00:15:30,011 They haven't even had sex yet. 277 00:15:30,013 --> 00:15:33,008 She said she wants it to be special. 278 00:15:33,010 --> 00:15:36,000 -Really? -Yeah. 279 00:15:36,002 --> 00:15:38,004 Well, then we should be supportive. 280 00:15:38,006 --> 00:15:40,015 This is the healthiest thing Samantha's done in a long time. 281 00:15:40,017 --> 00:15:42,019 Does anybody want to split the chocolate pudding? 282 00:15:44,006 --> 00:15:45,013 Morning, ladies. 283 00:15:45,015 --> 00:15:48,016 -Morning! Hi! 284 00:15:50,012 --> 00:15:51,022 Tell us about your relationship. 285 00:15:52,000 --> 00:15:53,019 How is everything going with Maria? 286 00:15:53,021 --> 00:15:55,000 Well, 287 00:15:55,002 --> 00:15:56,012 did you know 288 00:15:56,014 --> 00:15:58,010 that when a vagina gets engorged, 289 00:15:58,012 --> 00:16:00,017 it expands to the size of a fist? 290 00:16:00,019 --> 00:16:02,018 It's like a fabulous cave. 291 00:16:02,020 --> 00:16:04,005 I guess they've had sex. 292 00:16:04,007 --> 00:16:06,001 -Apparently so. -And we have 293 00:16:06,003 --> 00:16:07,019 three holes down there. 294 00:16:07,021 --> 00:16:10,008 Okay, stop talking about your relationship. 295 00:16:10,010 --> 00:16:13,017 But it's fascinating! There are places a dick just can't go. 296 00:16:13,019 --> 00:16:16,008 Oh, some dicks manage just fine. 297 00:16:16,010 --> 00:16:18,016 Please, Maria has ten dicks. 298 00:16:18,018 --> 00:16:20,017 For the record, you started this. 299 00:16:21,012 --> 00:16:22,023 I am sorry, 300 00:16:23,001 --> 00:16:26,010 but a finger is not a dick. 301 00:16:26,012 --> 00:16:28,017 Yes, a finger is more like a third of a dick, 302 00:16:28,019 --> 00:16:32,000 so technically, Maria only has three and a third dicks. 303 00:16:32,002 --> 00:16:33,008 I can tell you right now, 304 00:16:33,010 --> 00:16:35,023 this... 305 00:16:36,001 --> 00:16:39,002 is not the same as this... 306 00:16:39,004 --> 00:16:41,004 Okay, put that away. 307 00:16:41,006 --> 00:16:44,017 I'm just saying, size has nothing to do with it. 308 00:16:44,019 --> 00:16:46,013 What's happening to you? 309 00:16:46,015 --> 00:16:48,010 I'm getting an education. 310 00:16:48,012 --> 00:16:51,008 Not only do I now know everything there is to know 311 00:16:51,010 --> 00:16:53,013 about the glorious boceta. 312 00:16:53,015 --> 00:16:55,010 That's Portuguese for pussy. 313 00:16:55,012 --> 00:16:56,022 Boceta, schmagina, 314 00:16:57,000 --> 00:16:58,003 let's call the whole thing off. 315 00:16:58,005 --> 00:17:00,006 -The most important thing... 316 00:17:00,008 --> 00:17:03,020 ...is that Maria has taught me how to connect during sex. 317 00:17:03,022 --> 00:17:06,005 It's not just some animal act... 318 00:17:07,005 --> 00:17:11,004 It's about two people making love. 319 00:17:11,021 --> 00:17:16,019 Yeah. 320 00:17:19,007 --> 00:17:21,011 -Hey. -Hi. 321 00:17:21,013 --> 00:17:23,001 -I couldn't pick a shirt. -Oh. 322 00:17:23,003 --> 00:17:24,011 Red, blue, I didn't know. Come on in. 323 00:17:24,013 --> 00:17:27,002 -I'm making margaritas. -Hey! 324 00:17:27,004 --> 00:17:29,004 Look what I bought today. 325 00:17:30,007 --> 00:17:32,001 My first jazz CD. 326 00:17:32,003 --> 00:17:35,004 No, no, no, no. 327 00:17:35,006 --> 00:17:38,003 No. You gotta hear that on vinyl. 328 00:17:39,019 --> 00:17:41,011 Wait, Ray. 329 00:17:41,013 --> 00:17:42,020 Ray, Ray... 330 00:17:42,022 --> 00:17:44,010 Ray! Ray, stop. 331 00:17:45,006 --> 00:17:46,012 Don't play anything. 332 00:17:46,014 --> 00:17:50,006 Don't scat, don't chop, don't blend, don't-- 333 00:17:50,008 --> 00:17:51,014 Could we-- 334 00:17:51,016 --> 00:17:53,019 Could we just sit and talk for awhile? 335 00:17:53,021 --> 00:17:57,014 Oh, the "gotta talk" girl, gotta talk, gotta talk. 336 00:17:57,016 --> 00:17:59,014 "What are you thinking? Where is this going?" 337 00:17:59,016 --> 00:18:02,001 No, I'm not that girl, I'm not, um... 338 00:18:02,003 --> 00:18:06,003 I'm not any girl, I just want to talk. 339 00:18:06,005 --> 00:18:08,014 You know, talk... 340 00:18:08,016 --> 00:18:12,005 Like... Where are you from? You said something 341 00:18:12,007 --> 00:18:13,008 about the Jersey Shore. 342 00:18:13,010 --> 00:18:15,011 Yeah, yeah, yeah, I spent a couple summers there. 343 00:18:16,010 --> 00:18:17,016 Used to work on the boardwalk. 344 00:18:17,018 --> 00:18:19,016 There was this skeet shooting place I used to go to with my buddies. 345 00:18:19,018 --> 00:18:22,012 -Um, on the Jersey Shore? -Upstate New York. College. 346 00:18:22,014 --> 00:18:24,004 And, pull! 347 00:18:24,006 --> 00:18:26,004 Man, why no skeet in the city? 348 00:18:26,006 --> 00:18:27,014 I love the skeet. 349 00:18:27,016 --> 00:18:28,023 I should open one in New York, 350 00:18:29,001 --> 00:18:30,004 maybe sell a club. 351 00:18:30,006 --> 00:18:32,020 Canned corn, when was the last time you had canned corn? 352 00:18:32,022 --> 00:18:35,000 That sounds good right now. You hungry? 353 00:18:35,002 --> 00:18:36,008 Well, no, because I... 354 00:18:36,010 --> 00:18:38,003 -...remember I met-- 355 00:18:38,005 --> 00:18:40,020 I had a pot pie in Vegas once, loaded with corn... 356 00:18:40,022 --> 00:18:42,008 As Ray talked, 357 00:18:42,010 --> 00:18:46,020 I realized he wasn't spontaneous and unpredictable and thrilling. 358 00:18:48,007 --> 00:18:50,012 He was a guy with ADD. 359 00:18:50,014 --> 00:18:51,016 My mom used to drink. 360 00:18:51,018 --> 00:18:53,012 What kind of relationship could I have 361 00:18:53,014 --> 00:18:55,014 with a guy I couldn't even talk to? 362 00:18:55,016 --> 00:18:57,001 Flaky crust. 363 00:18:57,003 --> 00:18:58,021 I'd have to end it. 364 00:18:58,023 --> 00:19:00,023 You like pies? 365 00:19:02,003 --> 00:19:03,010 Ray? 366 00:19:04,020 --> 00:19:06,000 Wanna play me? 367 00:19:07,000 --> 00:19:08,005 Yeah. 368 00:19:08,007 --> 00:19:10,000 Eventually. 369 00:19:16,008 --> 00:19:19,000 Meanwhile, uptown... 370 00:19:19,002 --> 00:19:20,002 So, I was thinking-- 371 00:19:20,004 --> 00:19:22,000 ...Charlotte gave Trey one more chance 372 00:19:22,002 --> 00:19:23,006 to ask her to move in. 373 00:19:23,008 --> 00:19:25,012 Uh... I'm just gonna say it. 374 00:19:27,007 --> 00:19:29,001 Next time I'm hard, 375 00:19:29,003 --> 00:19:32,006 would you consider measuring my John Thomas? 376 00:19:32,008 --> 00:19:35,001 What? No! 377 00:19:35,003 --> 00:19:37,008 I understand, it's juvenile, I know. 378 00:19:37,010 --> 00:19:40,009 But I've just never seen it like this. 379 00:19:42,002 --> 00:19:45,002 I'm taking a shower. 380 00:19:45,004 --> 00:19:48,019 Charlotte was never a woman who cared much about penises, 381 00:19:48,021 --> 00:19:52,011 and now a penis was running her life. 382 00:19:54,022 --> 00:19:56,009 Forget it. 383 00:20:02,016 --> 00:20:04,012 As Charlotte lathered up, 384 00:20:04,014 --> 00:20:07,020 she really started to get lathered up. 385 00:20:07,022 --> 00:20:10,002 Who did he think he was? 386 00:20:10,004 --> 00:20:12,015 He was her husband, and she was his wife. 387 00:20:12,017 --> 00:20:16,011 What the hell was going on in this Upper East Side nightmare? 388 00:20:18,004 --> 00:20:19,019 -Trey! -Huh? 389 00:20:19,021 --> 00:20:22,023 I'm tired of being married to your penis! 390 00:20:23,001 --> 00:20:24,010 I am a person 391 00:20:24,012 --> 00:20:26,008 and this is supposed to be a relationship! 392 00:20:26,010 --> 00:20:28,012 And I am done walking on eggshells! 393 00:20:28,014 --> 00:20:31,011 "Oh, don't talk about moving in in front of the penis 394 00:20:31,013 --> 00:20:32,018 'cause it might go soft. 395 00:20:32,020 --> 00:20:36,008 The penis likes this and the penis doesn't like that! 396 00:20:36,010 --> 00:20:38,021 And the penis wants to be measured!" 397 00:20:38,023 --> 00:20:41,005 -It was just a thought. -Well, here's another thought! 398 00:20:41,007 --> 00:20:43,018 You can shove this marriage up your ass! 399 00:20:43,020 --> 00:20:45,001 Charlotte, don't go. 400 00:20:45,003 --> 00:20:47,018 No, I'm going home to my own apartment 401 00:20:47,020 --> 00:20:49,012 where I have a lease. 402 00:20:49,014 --> 00:20:53,010 I hope that you and your penis have a very lovely night! 403 00:21:04,019 --> 00:21:07,021 Meanwhile, Miranda was getting fed up as well... 404 00:21:07,023 --> 00:21:10,000 with herself. 405 00:21:36,005 --> 00:21:39,001 Hi, it's me, leave a message. 406 00:21:39,003 --> 00:21:40,021 I know you're probably busy 407 00:21:40,023 --> 00:21:43,008 having mind-blowing sex right now, 408 00:21:43,010 --> 00:21:44,023 but I feel that you need to know 409 00:21:45,001 --> 00:21:47,001 your good friend, Miranda Hobbes, 410 00:21:47,003 --> 00:21:50,002 has just taken a piece of cake out of the garbage 411 00:21:50,004 --> 00:21:51,018 and eaten it. 412 00:21:51,020 --> 00:21:53,015 You'll probably need this information 413 00:21:53,017 --> 00:21:56,023 when you check me into the "Betty Crocker Clinic." 414 00:22:12,021 --> 00:22:15,003 That night, Miranda realized 415 00:22:15,005 --> 00:22:18,018 she'd been using chocolate as a substitute for sex, 416 00:22:18,020 --> 00:22:21,019 and now she needed a substitute for chocolate. 417 00:22:29,012 --> 00:22:32,002 The strike was officially over. 418 00:22:34,004 --> 00:22:35,017 That's perfect! 419 00:22:35,019 --> 00:22:37,016 And just when she thought she knew everything 420 00:22:37,018 --> 00:22:39,017 there was to know about women... 421 00:22:39,019 --> 00:22:42,004 Ah! 422 00:22:42,006 --> 00:22:45,005 ...Samantha caused the very elusive 423 00:22:45,007 --> 00:22:47,005 female ejaculation. 424 00:22:47,007 --> 00:22:48,013 Was that good or bad? 425 00:22:48,015 --> 00:22:52,005 That was very good. 426 00:22:52,007 --> 00:22:56,001 Samantha got the relationship and the sex. 427 00:22:56,003 --> 00:22:59,023 In fact, a little more sex than she'd expected. 428 00:23:02,013 --> 00:23:04,006 I want some water. 429 00:23:04,008 --> 00:23:08,007 You want some water? Be right back. 430 00:23:08,009 --> 00:23:10,021 The next morning, I woke up with a new thought. 431 00:23:10,023 --> 00:23:12,022 Maybe Ray was like jazz 432 00:23:13,000 --> 00:23:15,009 and instead of trying to make him be something else, 433 00:23:15,011 --> 00:23:16,017 I needed to let go, 434 00:23:16,019 --> 00:23:18,018 and appreciate him for what he was... 435 00:23:18,020 --> 00:23:21,010 truly mind-blowing sex. 436 00:23:36,019 --> 00:23:38,017 Ray? 437 00:23:44,002 --> 00:23:45,016 But unfortunately, 438 00:23:45,018 --> 00:23:48,012 I got the feeling Ray had stopped playing me 439 00:23:48,014 --> 00:23:51,012 and moved on to another instrument. 440 00:24:01,001 --> 00:24:02,022 Good morning, ma'am. 441 00:24:03,000 --> 00:24:04,017 Morning. 442 00:24:06,007 --> 00:24:09,002 You, uh, left something at my-- 443 00:24:10,009 --> 00:24:12,007 At the apartment. 444 00:24:12,009 --> 00:24:13,023 Oh. 445 00:24:16,020 --> 00:24:20,008 Charlotte, I want you to move back in 446 00:24:20,010 --> 00:24:23,008 and get rid of this old apartment. 447 00:24:23,010 --> 00:24:26,001 And stay all night every night. 448 00:24:26,003 --> 00:24:30,002 And wake up next to me every morning and be my wife. 449 00:24:31,018 --> 00:24:33,007 You do? 450 00:24:33,009 --> 00:24:35,001 Yeah. 451 00:24:35,003 --> 00:24:38,017 I talked it over with my penis and we both agree. 452 00:24:40,015 --> 00:24:42,016 I don't want to lose you again. 453 00:24:44,017 --> 00:24:48,001 Charlotte York MacDougal... 454 00:24:48,021 --> 00:24:51,008 Will you remarry me? 455 00:24:51,010 --> 00:24:54,000 Yes, Trey MacDougal, 456 00:24:54,002 --> 00:24:55,020 I will remarry you. 457 00:25:19,009 --> 00:25:21,006 Walking home from ADD, 458 00:25:21,008 --> 00:25:22,022 "Another Dating Disaster," 459 00:25:23,000 --> 00:25:26,017 I worried that there's a reason they call it "mind-blowing" sex. 460 00:25:26,019 --> 00:25:28,018 Maybe that kind of physical connection 461 00:25:28,020 --> 00:25:31,010 obliterates the chance of an intellectual one. 462 00:25:31,012 --> 00:25:35,001 Or maybe it's possible to find both. 463 00:25:35,003 --> 00:25:38,023 That's what I was hoping, because great sex is great, 464 00:25:39,001 --> 00:25:42,018 but I still like a song with a melody I can sing to.