1 00:01:00,458 --> 00:01:04,834 [Carrie] Someone once said that two halves make a whole. 2 00:01:06,667 --> 00:01:08,959 And when two halves move in together, 3 00:01:09,041 --> 00:01:13,083 it makes a whole lot of stuff. 4 00:01:13,667 --> 00:01:14,917 Hey, what's--? 5 00:01:15,000 --> 00:01:16,875 Hey, Pop-Tart, where you been and whatcha been doing? 6 00:01:16,959 --> 00:01:19,667 I got coffee and papers. 7 00:01:19,750 --> 00:01:21,709 But I think the more pressing question is... 8 00:01:21,792 --> 00:01:24,083 What have you been doing? 9 00:01:24,166 --> 00:01:25,750 Made myself an area. 10 00:01:25,834 --> 00:01:27,542 Yes, I can see that. 11 00:01:27,625 --> 00:01:31,583 I needed a space for my work papers and stuff, you know, so... 12 00:01:31,667 --> 00:01:32,750 Is that okay? 13 00:01:32,834 --> 00:01:33,834 Yeah, sure, yes. 14 00:01:33,917 --> 00:01:35,750 It's just, you know, 15 00:01:35,834 --> 00:01:37,125 you're blocking the bathroom door. 16 00:01:37,208 --> 00:01:39,583 Yeah, but you got another one. Who needs two bathroom doors? 17 00:01:39,667 --> 00:01:40,667 I do, me. 18 00:01:40,750 --> 00:01:43,625 Me, the one who loves her two bathroom doors. 19 00:01:43,709 --> 00:01:45,375 What do you need two doors for? 20 00:01:45,458 --> 00:01:46,667 Well, 'cause, you know, sometimes I'm in a hurry 21 00:01:46,750 --> 00:01:48,291 and it's just quicker to go "ping," out that one, 22 00:01:48,375 --> 00:01:50,917 and it's my escape route in case. 23 00:01:51,000 --> 00:01:51,917 In case what? 24 00:01:52,000 --> 00:01:54,041 In case rapists come in my bedroom window. 25 00:01:54,125 --> 00:01:56,542 I see them in the mirror and then "phew," I'm gone. 26 00:01:56,625 --> 00:02:00,583 There's a whole lot of "phewing" going on in that bathroom. 27 00:02:00,667 --> 00:02:03,500 Hey, it's just gonna be like this until we're able to 28 00:02:03,583 --> 00:02:04,792 take over the apartment next door, 29 00:02:04,875 --> 00:02:06,166 then we can load the stuff in. 30 00:02:06,250 --> 00:02:08,583 And would that be happening in the next five minutes, 31 00:02:08,667 --> 00:02:10,125 please, God? 32 00:02:10,208 --> 00:02:12,834 Closing at the end of next week. 33 00:02:12,917 --> 00:02:14,750 Oh, hello, Petey. 34 00:02:14,834 --> 00:02:16,792 Really, what's the problem, right? 35 00:02:16,875 --> 00:02:19,083 It's just boxes, right? 36 00:02:20,041 --> 00:02:21,500 A plant! 37 00:02:21,583 --> 00:02:23,875 The man brought a living thing into my apartment. 38 00:02:23,959 --> 00:02:25,083 I don't do plants. 39 00:02:25,166 --> 00:02:26,458 I kill everything I bring in there. 40 00:02:26,542 --> 00:02:28,625 You said "yes" to moving in, the guy moved in. 41 00:02:28,709 --> 00:02:31,458 But he's taking over whole areas. 42 00:02:31,542 --> 00:02:32,959 This is why I've never lived with a man. 43 00:02:33,041 --> 00:02:36,125 This, and the fact that I want them out an hour after I climax. 44 00:02:36,208 --> 00:02:37,875 You let them stay a whole hour? 45 00:02:37,959 --> 00:02:40,291 You'd be surprised how many are ready to go again 46 00:02:40,375 --> 00:02:41,583 after a quick catnap. 47 00:02:41,667 --> 00:02:43,333 And there's no walls, you know, there's nowhere to hide. 48 00:02:43,417 --> 00:02:45,625 As soon as I walk in the door, he's all up in my face with, 49 00:02:45,709 --> 00:02:46,875 "Who'd you see? Where'd you go? 50 00:02:47,000 --> 00:02:49,333 Who'd ya meet? What do ya know?" 51 00:02:49,417 --> 00:02:53,208 What I know is I need time to decompress. 52 00:02:53,291 --> 00:02:54,500 Just be alone. 53 00:02:54,583 --> 00:02:56,667 But Carrie, there are gonna have to be some adjustments. 54 00:02:56,750 --> 00:02:58,500 Relationships are hard. 55 00:02:58,583 --> 00:03:01,792 Oh, you guys, I miss walking into my apartment 56 00:03:01,875 --> 00:03:04,458 with no one there and it's all quiet, 57 00:03:04,542 --> 00:03:08,166 and I can do that stuff you do when you're totally alone, 58 00:03:08,250 --> 00:03:12,750 things you would never want your boyfriend to see you do. 59 00:03:12,834 --> 00:03:16,333 -Like masturbate? -My S.S.B., my "secret single behavior." 60 00:03:16,417 --> 00:03:19,667 Like, I like to make a stack of saltines. 61 00:03:19,750 --> 00:03:21,417 I put grape jelly on them. 62 00:03:21,500 --> 00:03:25,041 I eat them standing up in the kitchen reading fashion magazines. 63 00:03:25,125 --> 00:03:26,125 Why standing up? 64 00:03:26,208 --> 00:03:28,709 It's weird, but it just feels great. 65 00:03:28,792 --> 00:03:31,583 I like to put vaseline on my hands and put them in 66 00:03:31,667 --> 00:03:33,709 those Borghese conditioning gloves 67 00:03:33,792 --> 00:03:35,250 while watching infomercials. 68 00:03:35,333 --> 00:03:36,834 Before I was married, 69 00:03:36,917 --> 00:03:38,959 I used to study my pores in a magnifying mirror 70 00:03:39,041 --> 00:03:41,041 for an hour each night. 71 00:03:41,125 --> 00:03:42,917 But I'm afraid Trey will just think it's weird. 72 00:03:43,000 --> 00:03:44,333 Well, he would. 73 00:03:44,417 --> 00:03:46,041 You can't do that stuff in front of men. 74 00:03:46,125 --> 00:03:47,792 What about you, Lolita? 75 00:03:47,875 --> 00:03:50,959 Anything you do you wouldn't want a man to see? 76 00:03:51,041 --> 00:03:52,375 No. 77 00:03:52,458 --> 00:03:54,375 You know, I believe her. 78 00:03:54,458 --> 00:03:55,917 -[phone ringing] -Mmm! 79 00:03:56,000 --> 00:03:59,041 Hey, didn't we make a rule about those things at lunch? 80 00:03:59,125 --> 00:04:01,959 It's my boss, I have to take it. 81 00:04:02,041 --> 00:04:03,542 Samantha Jones. 82 00:04:03,625 --> 00:04:06,709 Richard, it's Sunday. 83 00:04:06,792 --> 00:04:08,208 Fine. 84 00:04:08,291 --> 00:04:10,375 I'll see you in an hour. 85 00:04:10,458 --> 00:04:13,917 He wants me to drop something off this afternoon. 86 00:04:14,000 --> 00:04:15,417 Nice. 87 00:04:15,500 --> 00:04:18,583 A little "skyrockets in flight, afternoon delight"? 88 00:04:18,667 --> 00:04:20,583 No, it's just work. 89 00:04:20,667 --> 00:04:23,083 Hardly, you're sleeping with him. 90 00:04:23,166 --> 00:04:24,417 You told them? 91 00:04:24,500 --> 00:04:26,083 I also like to gossip on the phone 92 00:04:26,166 --> 00:04:28,250 while secretly pumicing my calluses. 93 00:04:28,333 --> 00:04:29,417 So, how is he? 94 00:04:29,500 --> 00:04:31,792 And spare no detail, I'm a horny pregnant person. 95 00:04:31,875 --> 00:04:34,000 I don't want to talk about it. 96 00:04:34,083 --> 00:04:35,792 Whooo! Whooo! 97 00:04:35,875 --> 00:04:39,375 ♪ Samantha likes a guy, Samantha likes a guy ♪ 98 00:04:39,458 --> 00:04:40,667 I do not. 99 00:04:40,750 --> 00:04:42,000 You do! You do! 100 00:04:42,083 --> 00:04:43,458 Or you would tell us all the dirty details. 101 00:04:43,542 --> 00:04:46,208 Oh, my God, we're gonna have to ice skate home, 102 00:04:46,291 --> 00:04:48,125 hell just froze over. 103 00:04:48,208 --> 00:04:50,041 Okay, you want details? 104 00:04:50,125 --> 00:04:51,500 Okay. 105 00:04:52,750 --> 00:04:56,208 He's got the most perfect dick I've ever seen. 106 00:04:56,291 --> 00:04:59,250 Long, pink, amazing. 107 00:05:00,667 --> 00:05:02,917 It's dick-a-licious. 108 00:05:03,000 --> 00:05:05,542 Alright, so, what should I do about Aidan's stuff? 109 00:05:07,625 --> 00:05:09,792 I'm gonna have the girls over for dinner. 110 00:05:09,875 --> 00:05:11,417 Oh, that sounds like fun. 111 00:05:11,500 --> 00:05:12,625 What night? 112 00:05:12,709 --> 00:05:14,208 Just the girls. 113 00:05:14,291 --> 00:05:16,959 I'm sorry, but I'm trying to get my day planner back together. 114 00:05:17,041 --> 00:05:18,291 I just have so much more free time 115 00:05:18,375 --> 00:05:19,709 now that we're no longer on the baby track. 116 00:05:19,792 --> 00:05:22,333 [Carrie] Some apartments are cluttered with physical stuff... 117 00:05:22,417 --> 00:05:24,375 Others, emotional stuff. 118 00:05:24,458 --> 00:05:26,625 It's a big readjustment. 119 00:05:26,709 --> 00:05:28,792 I've wanted a baby ever since I was a little girl. 120 00:05:28,875 --> 00:05:32,333 I mean, we have a baby room and no baby. 121 00:05:32,417 --> 00:05:36,041 Well, I've got some good news. 122 00:05:36,125 --> 00:05:40,417 Bram Pomander thinks he's snagged us orchestra seats 123 00:05:40,500 --> 00:05:42,959 to The Producers next week. 124 00:05:45,333 --> 00:05:48,125 Charlotte, yes, we're disappointed. 125 00:05:48,208 --> 00:05:49,583 But life goes on. 126 00:05:49,667 --> 00:05:52,083 We still have to find a way to have a giggle. 127 00:05:52,917 --> 00:05:55,750 Come on, give me a smile. 128 00:05:58,959 --> 00:06:02,959 [Richard speaking German] 129 00:06:05,041 --> 00:06:06,667 Hold on! 130 00:06:06,750 --> 00:06:08,000 Potential investors in Munich. 131 00:06:08,083 --> 00:06:09,834 I wish I knew how to say "fuck you" in German. 132 00:06:09,917 --> 00:06:12,834 Fick mich. 133 00:06:12,917 --> 00:06:14,083 [phone clicking] 134 00:06:15,375 --> 00:06:16,417 Impressive. 135 00:06:16,500 --> 00:06:17,959 Why do you speak German? 136 00:06:18,041 --> 00:06:20,542 A gal has her reasons. 137 00:06:20,625 --> 00:06:23,083 Come to think of it, that wasn't "fuck you," it was "fuck me." 138 00:06:23,166 --> 00:06:25,500 That's a negotiation ploy I haven't tried before. 139 00:06:25,583 --> 00:06:26,709 Who are you kidding? 140 00:06:26,792 --> 00:06:28,875 So, where's the layout for the L.A. Magazine spread? 141 00:06:28,959 --> 00:06:31,208 Signed, sealed, delivered. 142 00:06:31,291 --> 00:06:32,792 And one more thing... 143 00:06:36,208 --> 00:06:37,709 [Carrie] It was perfect. 144 00:06:37,792 --> 00:06:41,417 Long, pink, amazing. 145 00:06:44,166 --> 00:06:46,250 I thought about you all weekend. 146 00:06:48,041 --> 00:06:50,875 [Samantha] Well, let me see if I can give you something 147 00:06:50,959 --> 00:06:52,959 to think about all evening. 148 00:06:54,917 --> 00:06:57,041 Bring out that gorgeous dick. 149 00:06:57,125 --> 00:06:59,917 You're gonna get down on your knees right here? 150 00:07:00,000 --> 00:07:02,375 What if my assistant should see you? 151 00:07:07,291 --> 00:07:08,667 Oops. 152 00:07:09,667 --> 00:07:11,875 I dropped my portfolio. 153 00:07:13,625 --> 00:07:16,166 That may take some time to pick up. 154 00:07:22,000 --> 00:07:24,375 [unzipping] 155 00:07:24,458 --> 00:07:29,000 [in German] Das ist ein schöner, perfekter Schwanz. 156 00:07:35,792 --> 00:07:40,500 Whoops, better get those while you're down there. 157 00:07:40,583 --> 00:07:43,625 If I had known you were gonna turn out to be so not a loser, 158 00:07:43,709 --> 00:07:45,542 I would have run home after work and changed. 159 00:07:45,625 --> 00:07:49,041 Or at least put on some fresh deodorant, huh? 160 00:07:49,125 --> 00:07:50,125 Oh. 161 00:07:50,208 --> 00:07:51,917 Ow, careful. 162 00:07:52,000 --> 00:07:53,959 You know, I was a much younger man 163 00:07:54,041 --> 00:07:55,458 when we started trying to set up this blind date. 164 00:07:55,542 --> 00:07:58,375 Well, you're the one who kept canceling to go to... 165 00:07:58,458 --> 00:07:59,792 Where were you? 166 00:07:59,875 --> 00:08:01,625 First time, Spain and Rome... 167 00:08:01,709 --> 00:08:04,542 The second time, Luxembourg and Athens. 168 00:08:04,625 --> 00:08:07,041 [Carrie] Walker Lewis, fluent in five languages, 169 00:08:07,125 --> 00:08:08,291 traveled the world 170 00:08:08,375 --> 00:08:10,208 as a state department interpreter. 171 00:08:10,291 --> 00:08:11,667 Seriously, Miranda, 172 00:08:11,750 --> 00:08:15,333 best blind date I have ever had... 173 00:08:15,417 --> 00:08:18,375 in the continental USA. 174 00:08:31,458 --> 00:08:33,166 What? 175 00:08:33,250 --> 00:08:35,834 Listen, any reason I can't see you again 176 00:08:35,917 --> 00:08:37,583 before I go to Brussels? 177 00:08:40,458 --> 00:08:43,291 He is so cute and funny and sexy. 178 00:08:43,375 --> 00:08:45,000 And I really want to have sex with him. 179 00:08:45,083 --> 00:08:46,000 But I don't know. 180 00:08:46,083 --> 00:08:47,625 Is it okay to fuck one guy, 181 00:08:47,709 --> 00:08:49,500 when you're pregnant with another guy's baby? 182 00:08:49,583 --> 00:08:52,583 If one more person asks me that today... 183 00:08:52,667 --> 00:08:54,875 I mean, I'm not in a relationship 184 00:08:54,959 --> 00:08:56,959 with the father of the baby or anything... 185 00:08:57,041 --> 00:08:59,041 Well, I've rarely heard that used as a plus, 186 00:08:59,125 --> 00:09:00,000 but go on... 187 00:09:00,083 --> 00:09:01,709 It's just... Is it tacky? 188 00:09:01,792 --> 00:09:03,583 And beyond tacky, is it safe? 189 00:09:03,667 --> 00:09:06,291 Let's assume he's a really great fuck. 190 00:09:06,375 --> 00:09:07,709 'Cause so many men are... 191 00:09:07,792 --> 00:09:10,917 Could all that poking shake the baby loose or something? 192 00:09:11,750 --> 00:09:13,875 No, that's silly. 193 00:09:13,959 --> 00:09:15,542 Married couples have sex all the time. 194 00:09:15,625 --> 00:09:17,875 But what if he's huge? 195 00:09:17,959 --> 00:09:19,834 Again, 'cause so many men are. 196 00:09:19,917 --> 00:09:21,875 Could the dick dent the baby? 197 00:09:21,959 --> 00:09:23,750 Where do you think dimples come from? 198 00:09:25,041 --> 00:09:26,333 Oh, that is so cute. 199 00:09:26,417 --> 00:09:27,500 I try. 200 00:09:27,583 --> 00:09:30,709 Okay, I really need to have sex with him now. 201 00:09:30,792 --> 00:09:32,166 Next time he comes back in town 202 00:09:32,250 --> 00:09:34,041 I'll be too big and he won't want to. 203 00:09:34,125 --> 00:09:39,041 Nothing puts a man off sex like pregnancy. 204 00:09:39,125 --> 00:09:41,709 This is my last chance. 205 00:09:41,792 --> 00:09:44,500 Last chance for sex. 206 00:09:44,583 --> 00:09:46,291 You're not on death row. 207 00:09:46,375 --> 00:09:48,583 Yes, I am, dead woman fucking. 208 00:09:48,667 --> 00:09:50,625 Miranda, it's your body, your life. 209 00:09:50,709 --> 00:09:52,083 You do what's best for you. 210 00:09:52,166 --> 00:09:53,375 Easier said than done. 211 00:09:53,458 --> 00:09:55,792 You can't even ask Aidan not to talk 212 00:09:55,875 --> 00:09:58,417 when you walk in the front door. 213 00:09:58,500 --> 00:09:59,583 Hi, Mrs. Cohen! 214 00:09:59,667 --> 00:10:01,417 Oh, let me help. Hold on a second. 215 00:10:01,500 --> 00:10:02,750 Here, let me help you. 216 00:10:02,834 --> 00:10:05,959 Hold on, here we go. 217 00:10:06,417 --> 00:10:07,542 Hello. 218 00:10:07,625 --> 00:10:08,417 Okay? 219 00:10:08,500 --> 00:10:09,959 That's a crazy outfit. 220 00:10:11,166 --> 00:10:15,000 Okay, Mrs. Cohen, this is my friend, Miranda. 221 00:10:15,083 --> 00:10:17,208 Hello, Mrs. Cohen. 222 00:10:18,917 --> 00:10:21,083 Listen, you tell your boy 223 00:10:21,166 --> 00:10:23,667 I'm not leaving for 30 days. 224 00:10:23,750 --> 00:10:24,750 What? 225 00:10:24,834 --> 00:10:27,667 But we're closing in a week. 226 00:10:27,750 --> 00:10:30,834 Read the contract! 227 00:10:30,917 --> 00:10:34,458 [Carrie] I didn't think Mrs. Cohen could move any slower, 228 00:10:34,542 --> 00:10:37,500 but apparently she could. 229 00:10:39,375 --> 00:10:41,083 Hey, gal, what's up? 230 00:10:41,166 --> 00:10:43,500 Where ya been? What do ya know? 231 00:10:48,417 --> 00:10:50,417 Brace yourself, partner. 232 00:10:50,500 --> 00:10:53,458 I been outside and what's up 233 00:10:53,542 --> 00:10:56,583 is old lightning rod next door informs me 234 00:10:56,667 --> 00:11:01,208 she will not be leaving for 30 days. 235 00:11:02,291 --> 00:11:03,834 I was afraid she was gonna do that. 236 00:11:03,917 --> 00:11:06,792 Fuck! Fuck! 237 00:11:06,875 --> 00:11:10,583 What the fuck are we gonna fucking do now? 238 00:11:10,667 --> 00:11:14,166 Oh, thank you... 239 00:11:14,250 --> 00:11:16,875 You hate it too, I'm so relieved! 240 00:11:16,959 --> 00:11:19,834 I thought you'd already changed into a pod... 241 00:11:19,917 --> 00:11:22,834 "Invasion Of The Single Snatchers." 242 00:11:22,917 --> 00:11:25,542 -Oh... -Of course I hate it. 243 00:11:25,625 --> 00:11:29,333 We cannot live like this. 244 00:11:29,417 --> 00:11:31,709 I mean, I got all my boxes in the hall. 245 00:11:31,792 --> 00:11:33,250 You can't get in the fucking door. 246 00:11:33,333 --> 00:11:35,041 I know, did you see me? 247 00:11:35,125 --> 00:11:37,250 Every time! Every single time! 248 00:11:37,333 --> 00:11:38,583 We gotta get this stuff out of here. 249 00:11:38,667 --> 00:11:41,792 We could make some room for it if we cleaned out your closet. 250 00:11:45,333 --> 00:11:47,000 Careful! 251 00:11:47,083 --> 00:11:49,834 Okay, damn, my ears. 252 00:11:49,917 --> 00:11:51,166 Listen to me. 253 00:11:51,250 --> 00:11:55,125 I have laid out clean towels on the floor of the bathroom. 254 00:11:55,208 --> 00:12:00,792 Gently place the shoes and boxes on them. 255 00:12:03,834 --> 00:12:09,417 Oh, wow, I forgot I had these. 256 00:12:09,500 --> 00:12:11,291 Things are looking up. 257 00:12:11,375 --> 00:12:13,625 How many pairs of shoes does one person need? 258 00:12:13,709 --> 00:12:16,500 That is not the way to get out of this alive. 259 00:12:17,834 --> 00:12:21,166 I figure I'm gonna need about half this space. 260 00:12:21,250 --> 00:12:23,375 I figure you've gone mentally ill. 261 00:12:23,458 --> 00:12:25,125 What, you never wear most of this stuff. 262 00:12:25,208 --> 00:12:26,542 Yet! 263 00:12:26,625 --> 00:12:29,291 I never wear most of this stuff yet. Someday I will. 264 00:12:30,125 --> 00:12:32,250 Oh, like, uh... 265 00:12:32,333 --> 00:12:33,583 Like this? 266 00:12:33,667 --> 00:12:37,875 When and where were you planning to wear this? 267 00:12:37,959 --> 00:12:40,875 Don't do that, don't mock the clothes. 268 00:12:40,959 --> 00:12:43,583 And for the record, have worn it. 269 00:12:43,667 --> 00:12:46,417 December, '99, Union Square. 270 00:12:46,500 --> 00:12:48,959 Book signing. 271 00:12:49,041 --> 00:12:50,709 We gotta start somewhere. 272 00:12:50,792 --> 00:12:54,291 Oh, come on, I love this outfit. 273 00:12:54,375 --> 00:12:56,625 [Carrie] That's when I realized I was holding onto 274 00:12:56,709 --> 00:12:58,542 a Roberto Cavalli outfit, 275 00:12:58,625 --> 00:13:00,917 and throwing away my relationship. 276 00:13:01,000 --> 00:13:02,583 Okay, it goes! 277 00:13:02,667 --> 00:13:03,792 Good. 278 00:13:03,875 --> 00:13:05,375 Bye-bye. 279 00:13:11,041 --> 00:13:13,834 Pete! 280 00:13:13,917 --> 00:13:15,125 Hey, hey, Pete! 281 00:13:15,208 --> 00:13:16,291 Stop it! 282 00:13:16,375 --> 00:13:18,250 Pete, stop it! 283 00:13:18,333 --> 00:13:22,375 -Pete, Pete, oh my God! -Pete! Hey! 284 00:13:22,458 --> 00:13:25,291 Don't show it to me, don't even show it to me! 285 00:13:25,375 --> 00:13:26,875 I think I saw turquoise. 286 00:13:26,959 --> 00:13:30,125 That better not be the pair I think! 287 00:13:30,208 --> 00:13:32,959 Oh, godammit! 288 00:13:33,041 --> 00:13:36,750 That dog owes me $380. 289 00:13:36,834 --> 00:13:41,000 -Fine. -You can't buy it, it's circa 1996! 290 00:13:41,625 --> 00:13:43,041 Godammit! 291 00:13:43,125 --> 00:13:44,792 [Aidan] He's a dog, what's he supposed to do 292 00:13:44,875 --> 00:13:46,875 with all your shit lying around here? 293 00:13:46,959 --> 00:13:51,417 My shit wouldn't be lying around if we weren't making room 294 00:13:51,500 --> 00:13:53,709 because your shit is lying around. 295 00:13:53,792 --> 00:13:56,125 You got more shit lying around than I got lying around. 296 00:13:56,208 --> 00:13:58,000 What? Look at this place. 297 00:13:58,083 --> 00:13:59,500 It's loaded with your shit. 298 00:13:59,583 --> 00:14:02,166 Just look at the-- just look at this bathroom! 299 00:14:02,250 --> 00:14:04,667 Look at all your shit in my bathroom. 300 00:14:04,750 --> 00:14:09,792 Who needs five almost empty Speed Stick deodorants? 301 00:14:09,875 --> 00:14:11,208 What are you, a crazy bag man? 302 00:14:11,291 --> 00:14:12,667 They're different smells! 303 00:14:12,750 --> 00:14:14,458 And musk, when have you ever worn musk? 304 00:14:14,542 --> 00:14:19,959 I mean, look at this stuff, you got old razors, Rogaine-- 305 00:14:21,125 --> 00:14:23,125 Wait a minute, you use Rogaine? 306 00:14:23,208 --> 00:14:25,542 -I didn't know you needed-- -It's preventative! 307 00:14:25,625 --> 00:14:28,083 -But is your hair falling out? -I don't want to talk about it! 308 00:14:28,166 --> 00:14:31,792 [Carrie] It seems it's not only women who have secret single behavior. 309 00:14:31,875 --> 00:14:35,041 This is my stuff! Don't be going through my stuff. 310 00:14:35,125 --> 00:14:36,875 You were more than happy to go through my stuff. 311 00:14:36,959 --> 00:14:38,875 Oh, your stuff, your bathroom. 312 00:14:38,959 --> 00:14:41,542 You always do that, you never want to let me in. 313 00:14:41,625 --> 00:14:44,166 I don't always do anything. 314 00:14:44,250 --> 00:14:46,834 And I have let you in. 315 00:14:46,917 --> 00:14:50,208 You're fighting with me about a stupid fucking outfit! 316 00:14:50,291 --> 00:14:51,417 Oh, shut up! 317 00:14:51,500 --> 00:14:53,208 It's Roberto Cavalli. 318 00:14:53,291 --> 00:14:55,709 I threw it away and I love it! 319 00:14:55,792 --> 00:14:57,041 What more do you want? 320 00:14:57,125 --> 00:14:59,542 Shut up? Shut up? 321 00:14:59,625 --> 00:15:01,208 Yes, shut up! 322 00:15:01,291 --> 00:15:03,458 Shut up? You're telling me to shut up? 323 00:15:03,542 --> 00:15:05,959 Please, just shut up! 324 00:15:06,041 --> 00:15:09,917 I'm so sick of hearing you talking, talking, talking, all the time! 325 00:15:10,000 --> 00:15:11,875 Don't you ever just shut up? 326 00:15:11,959 --> 00:15:13,125 I'm gonna take a walk. 327 00:15:13,208 --> 00:15:15,166 No, no, no, no, no. 328 00:15:15,250 --> 00:15:16,917 I'm taking a walk! 329 00:15:17,000 --> 00:15:19,875 You can stay here with your boxes of shit 330 00:15:19,959 --> 00:15:23,375 and your shoe-eating dog and you can knock yourself out 331 00:15:23,458 --> 00:15:26,166 putting on the Rogaine and the Speed Stick! 332 00:15:29,375 --> 00:15:33,125 This is why I need a second door! 333 00:15:35,542 --> 00:15:37,000 I heard that! 334 00:15:39,250 --> 00:15:42,208 I used to think those people who sat alone at Starbucks 335 00:15:42,291 --> 00:15:45,250 writing on their laptops were pretentious posers. 336 00:15:45,333 --> 00:15:46,875 Now, I know. 337 00:15:46,959 --> 00:15:49,709 They're people who have recently moved in with someone. 338 00:15:49,792 --> 00:15:51,000 As I looked around, 339 00:15:51,083 --> 00:15:54,250 I wondered how many of them were mid-fight, 340 00:15:54,333 --> 00:15:55,917 like myself. 341 00:15:56,000 --> 00:15:58,250 The hard thing about fighting in relationships 342 00:15:58,333 --> 00:16:00,333 as opposed to Madison Square Garden, 343 00:16:00,417 --> 00:16:01,875 no referee. 344 00:16:01,959 --> 00:16:04,208 There's no one to tell you which comments are below the belt, 345 00:16:04,291 --> 00:16:06,208 or when to go to your separate corners. 346 00:16:06,291 --> 00:16:10,291 As a result, someone usually gets hurt. 347 00:16:10,375 --> 00:16:12,417 And it seems, the closer a couple gets 348 00:16:12,500 --> 00:16:14,000 and the more "stuff" they have between them, 349 00:16:14,083 --> 00:16:17,792 the harder it is to figure out exactly why they are yelling. 350 00:16:17,875 --> 00:16:20,208 When it comes to relationships, 351 00:16:20,291 --> 00:16:21,542 I couldn't help but wonder... 352 00:16:21,625 --> 00:16:23,166 What are we fighting for? 353 00:16:27,542 --> 00:16:29,500 [Trey] Hello, my darling. 354 00:16:30,291 --> 00:16:32,208 I'm home! 355 00:16:36,375 --> 00:16:37,709 What are you...? 356 00:16:37,792 --> 00:16:39,500 Is that a surprise for me? 357 00:16:39,583 --> 00:16:40,792 Yes, it is. 358 00:16:40,875 --> 00:16:43,834 Don't get all excited, it's just a little silly something. 359 00:16:43,917 --> 00:16:45,166 What is it? 360 00:16:45,250 --> 00:16:46,875 Open it. 361 00:16:51,750 --> 00:16:53,875 It's a cardboard baby. 362 00:16:53,959 --> 00:16:55,375 I saw it in the window 363 00:16:55,458 --> 00:16:57,625 of a novelty store next to the hospital. 364 00:16:57,709 --> 00:17:01,583 See, now we can relax because we have one. 365 00:17:10,083 --> 00:17:11,417 Oh, dear. 366 00:17:11,500 --> 00:17:13,166 It was supposed to be funny. 367 00:17:13,250 --> 00:17:15,333 I thought we'd have a chuckle. 368 00:17:15,417 --> 00:17:17,792 Don't talk to me. 369 00:17:17,875 --> 00:17:20,208 See, it was a novelty store. 370 00:17:20,291 --> 00:17:21,917 The clerk said that they sell-- 371 00:17:22,000 --> 00:17:23,375 [door slamming] 372 00:17:23,458 --> 00:17:24,583 [Carrie] But to Charlotte, 373 00:17:24,667 --> 00:17:27,208 it was definitely hitting below the belt. 374 00:17:27,291 --> 00:17:31,208 [man on TV] If the meat is about a quarter of an inch thick, it's ready... 375 00:17:31,291 --> 00:17:34,375 [Carrie] And across town, Miranda decided it was time 376 00:17:34,458 --> 00:17:37,625 to put on the gloves and come out swinging. 377 00:17:37,709 --> 00:17:39,458 [Walker on answering machine] Leave a message. 378 00:17:39,542 --> 00:17:41,875 Hi, Walker... Miranda. 379 00:17:41,959 --> 00:17:44,041 Before you leave for Brussels on Monday, 380 00:17:44,125 --> 00:17:45,709 how about getting together Friday night? 381 00:17:45,792 --> 00:17:47,834 My apartment, call me. 382 00:17:47,917 --> 00:17:50,083 [Carrie] Pregnant or not, Miranda had needs 383 00:17:50,166 --> 00:17:51,875 and decided to stop fighting them. 384 00:17:51,959 --> 00:17:55,166 [man on TV] Now if you like it spicy, add some of those... 385 00:17:55,250 --> 00:17:58,083 [Carrie] And surprisingly, Samantha developed 386 00:17:58,166 --> 00:18:01,500 some secret single behavior of her own. 387 00:18:09,667 --> 00:18:13,041 Seven hours and a landslide of lattes later, 388 00:18:13,125 --> 00:18:17,375 I vibrated home prepared to admit how silly I'd been. 389 00:18:23,417 --> 00:18:24,750 That was... 390 00:18:24,834 --> 00:18:28,291 until he wasn't prepared to admit how silly he'd been. 391 00:18:37,834 --> 00:18:39,583 He yelled, then I yelled. 392 00:18:39,667 --> 00:18:43,834 It's been three days and nothing, not a word. 393 00:18:43,917 --> 00:18:45,792 And I'll be damned if I say I'm sorry first. 394 00:18:45,875 --> 00:18:48,125 Well, Trey and I hardly ever yell. 395 00:18:48,208 --> 00:18:49,250 We're WASPs. 396 00:18:49,333 --> 00:18:51,291 WASPs don't yell, it's genetic. 397 00:18:51,375 --> 00:18:52,625 Would anyone like more salad? 398 00:18:52,709 --> 00:18:55,125 No, we're done, what's the main course? 399 00:18:55,208 --> 00:18:56,500 Hey, relax. 400 00:18:56,583 --> 00:18:57,959 Chew. You'll get laid. 401 00:18:58,041 --> 00:18:59,625 You're not meeting him 'til 10:00. 402 00:18:59,709 --> 00:19:01,291 -Beef with Thai noodles. -Ooh! 403 00:19:01,375 --> 00:19:05,166 Richard is thinking of opening a hotel in Thailand. 404 00:19:07,000 --> 00:19:07,917 Sweetie? 405 00:19:08,000 --> 00:19:10,709 It's perfectly okay to like a guy. 406 00:19:10,792 --> 00:19:11,834 For the last time, 407 00:19:11,917 --> 00:19:14,083 the only thing I like about Richard 408 00:19:14,166 --> 00:19:19,500 is his big, throbbing, rock-hard perfect dick. 409 00:19:19,583 --> 00:19:20,458 Whoops. 410 00:19:20,542 --> 00:19:22,083 Forgot it was ladies night. 411 00:19:22,166 --> 00:19:24,834 Trey, you're not supposed to be here. 412 00:19:24,917 --> 00:19:25,917 Good evening, everyone. 413 00:19:26,000 --> 00:19:27,667 -[all greet Trey] -[Carrie] Hi. 414 00:19:27,750 --> 00:19:29,125 Hello, Mrs... 415 00:19:29,959 --> 00:19:33,792 Still mad, I see. 416 00:19:33,875 --> 00:19:35,750 I suppose she told you about the baby. 417 00:19:35,834 --> 00:19:36,792 No, I didn't. 418 00:19:36,875 --> 00:19:38,959 I never want to think about it again. 419 00:19:39,041 --> 00:19:41,375 Well, see... 420 00:19:41,458 --> 00:19:43,875 I was trying to make Charlotte laugh and-- 421 00:19:43,959 --> 00:19:45,250 it's not funny! 422 00:19:45,333 --> 00:19:47,834 Well, wait a minute now, maybe they'll think it's funny. 423 00:19:47,917 --> 00:19:51,583 Uh, see, we were so tense about not being able to have one, 424 00:19:51,667 --> 00:19:54,834 that I gave Charlotte a cardboard baby. 425 00:19:54,917 --> 00:19:56,083 Isn't that funny? 426 00:20:01,583 --> 00:20:04,125 Carrie, you're funny. 427 00:20:04,208 --> 00:20:07,417 Cardboard baby, that's funny, right? 428 00:20:07,500 --> 00:20:11,458 I mean, it's not funny "ha ha," but silly. 429 00:20:13,458 --> 00:20:17,542 See, they sell them in novelty stores... 430 00:20:17,625 --> 00:20:18,709 And other people buy them, and... 431 00:20:18,792 --> 00:20:21,709 And the clerk said that it was funny. 432 00:20:21,792 --> 00:20:22,959 You know what? Maybe you have to see it. 433 00:20:23,041 --> 00:20:24,834 Don't you bring that thing in here! 434 00:20:24,917 --> 00:20:26,208 It's silly, it's silly. 435 00:20:26,291 --> 00:20:27,417 Not to me it isn't! 436 00:20:27,500 --> 00:20:29,583 How would you feel if I gave you a cardboard cutout 437 00:20:29,667 --> 00:20:31,750 of a big flaccid penis? 438 00:20:31,834 --> 00:20:33,208 It's not so funny now, is it? 439 00:20:33,291 --> 00:20:35,875 Oh! Don't you bring that flat baby in here, 440 00:20:35,959 --> 00:20:37,667 I will kill you! 441 00:20:37,750 --> 00:20:40,250 How dare you talk to me like that in front of your friends! 442 00:20:40,333 --> 00:20:41,917 Oh, they know all about your penis problems! 443 00:20:42,000 --> 00:20:43,250 And they're just sick of hearing about it! 444 00:20:43,333 --> 00:20:46,041 [Carrie] There we were, right in the middle of a WASP nest. 445 00:20:46,125 --> 00:20:47,375 [Trey] This is unforgivable! 446 00:20:47,458 --> 00:20:50,959 No, what's unforgivable is you denying me my baby, 447 00:20:51,041 --> 00:20:53,250 because of your own selfish, spoiled needs. 448 00:20:53,333 --> 00:20:54,417 -[Trey] I'm spoiled? -[Charlotte] Yes! 449 00:20:54,500 --> 00:20:55,875 You! You are spoiled! 450 00:20:55,959 --> 00:20:57,750 -[phone ringing] -Ever since we moved back in here 451 00:20:57,834 --> 00:20:59,291 -it's been nothing but "baby, baby"! -Samantha Jones. 452 00:20:59,375 --> 00:21:00,875 -[Trey] What about me? -[Charlotte] What about you, 453 00:21:00,959 --> 00:21:02,750 -you big baby? -Richard, hello. 454 00:21:02,834 --> 00:21:06,458 -[yelling continues] -No, no, it's not too late to call. 455 00:21:06,542 --> 00:21:07,583 Everything but a baby! 456 00:21:07,667 --> 00:21:09,667 Um, we're gonna go. 457 00:21:09,750 --> 00:21:10,750 Good! 458 00:21:10,834 --> 00:21:12,417 oh! Don't you talk to my friends like that! 459 00:21:12,500 --> 00:21:14,250 Without a baby, they're all I have! 460 00:21:14,333 --> 00:21:15,583 [Trey] And what am I? 461 00:21:15,667 --> 00:21:18,959 You are the man who gave me a cardboard baby! 462 00:21:19,041 --> 00:21:20,917 It was funny! 463 00:21:21,000 --> 00:21:22,083 No, it wasn't! 464 00:21:22,166 --> 00:21:23,583 Goodnight! 465 00:21:23,667 --> 00:21:25,625 [doors slamming] 466 00:21:34,125 --> 00:21:38,291 Okay, what's so important that it couldn't wait until-- 467 00:21:38,375 --> 00:21:40,250 This. 468 00:21:45,125 --> 00:21:47,083 Let's get something straight. 469 00:21:47,166 --> 00:21:49,625 I want no part of that. 470 00:21:49,709 --> 00:21:52,583 That turns everything into a big screaming mess. 471 00:21:52,667 --> 00:21:55,375 We are work and sex, nothing more. 472 00:21:56,375 --> 00:21:58,000 Now... 473 00:21:58,083 --> 00:22:02,041 Kindly take off those pants and show me your dick. 474 00:22:11,542 --> 00:22:14,333 I'll show you mine if you show me yours. 475 00:22:32,417 --> 00:22:35,208 That's what I'm talking about. 476 00:22:58,583 --> 00:23:00,542 [Carrie] Seeing a bantamweight championship fight 477 00:23:00,625 --> 00:23:03,083 like Charlotte and Trey's made me feel thankful 478 00:23:03,166 --> 00:23:06,000 that Aidan and I were still in the "banter weight" division. 479 00:23:06,083 --> 00:23:07,417 I'm sorry. 480 00:23:08,125 --> 00:23:09,792 I'm sorry, too. 481 00:23:14,375 --> 00:23:17,500 [Carrie] That night, I slept in my clothes. 482 00:23:24,417 --> 00:23:28,417 Trey and his baby slept in the guest room... 483 00:23:28,500 --> 00:23:32,291 And Charlotte no longer cared what Trey thought. 484 00:23:34,333 --> 00:23:39,083 [Miranda moaning] 485 00:23:39,166 --> 00:23:42,291 Fuck me! Fuck me like there's no tomorrow! 486 00:23:42,375 --> 00:23:43,792 Yeah! 487 00:23:43,875 --> 00:23:47,417 [Carrie] For her last meal, the condemned woman had seconds... 488 00:23:47,500 --> 00:23:48,417 [Walker] Yeah! 489 00:23:48,500 --> 00:23:50,333 -[Carrie] And thirds. -[Walker] Yeah! 490 00:23:51,834 --> 00:23:55,583 [Carrie] Samantha met the dawn after a night of "S.S.B." 491 00:23:55,667 --> 00:23:56,583 [Samantha] Thanks. 492 00:23:56,667 --> 00:23:58,875 [Carrie] Sexy swimming behavior. 493 00:24:02,125 --> 00:24:03,959 [soft music playing] 494 00:24:09,208 --> 00:24:11,000 Dance with me. 495 00:24:11,083 --> 00:24:13,125 What did I say? 496 00:24:15,667 --> 00:24:17,875 I'm your boss. 497 00:24:19,083 --> 00:24:21,166 It's an order. 498 00:24:30,875 --> 00:24:34,000 -Richard... -Dance. 499 00:24:36,208 --> 00:24:41,000 [soft music continues] 500 00:25:07,583 --> 00:25:10,750 [Carrie] Samantha finally threw in the towel. 501 00:25:10,834 --> 00:25:13,667 All this time she'd been trying to make him 502 00:25:13,750 --> 00:25:15,500 just a perfect dick, 503 00:25:15,583 --> 00:25:16,792 fighting her feelings 504 00:25:16,875 --> 00:25:19,166 that he might be the perfect Richard. 505 00:25:19,250 --> 00:25:24,625 [soft music continues] 506 00:25:34,208 --> 00:25:36,333 [Carrie] And back at the Bradshaw-Shaw residence, 507 00:25:36,417 --> 00:25:39,000 it was pretty much business as usual. 508 00:25:39,083 --> 00:25:40,208 Hey, what's up? 509 00:25:40,291 --> 00:25:41,750 Where ya been? Who'd ya see? 510 00:25:52,375 --> 00:25:55,792 Buddy, I need you to do something. 511 00:25:57,375 --> 00:25:58,458 What? 512 00:26:00,125 --> 00:26:01,834 I've never lived with anybody before you, 513 00:26:01,917 --> 00:26:05,709 so, I don't know how to say this correctly, but... 514 00:26:05,792 --> 00:26:11,375 I need you to not talk to me for one whole hour. 515 00:26:11,458 --> 00:26:12,875 I know that sounds pretty selfish, 516 00:26:12,959 --> 00:26:15,792 but it's just what I need. 517 00:26:15,875 --> 00:26:17,041 Is that okay? 518 00:26:17,125 --> 00:26:18,208 Mm-hmm. 519 00:26:18,291 --> 00:26:20,875 Okay, good. 520 00:26:20,959 --> 00:26:24,500 We don't have any other rooms yet, so... 521 00:26:24,583 --> 00:26:25,917 I'm gonna close these 522 00:26:26,000 --> 00:26:29,333 and then it's like I'm not here. 523 00:26:29,417 --> 00:26:33,542 For one whole hour, I'm not here. 524 00:26:34,917 --> 00:26:36,291 Thanks. 525 00:26:37,500 --> 00:26:38,792 I love you. 526 00:26:45,458 --> 00:26:47,792 [sighing] 527 00:26:48,834 --> 00:26:51,625 [soft music continues] 528 00:27:10,250 --> 00:27:12,166 So, what are you doing out here? 529 00:27:20,542 --> 00:27:24,583 [Carrie] That's the thing about needs, sometimes when you get them met, 530 00:27:24,667 --> 00:27:26,875 you don't need them anymore. 531 00:27:28,208 --> 00:27:29,834 As our 30 days wore on, 532 00:27:29,917 --> 00:27:34,208 Aidan and I miraculously managed to not kill each other. 533 00:27:34,291 --> 00:27:35,834 But, as I predicted... 534 00:27:36,750 --> 00:27:37,709 Toodle-loo! 535 00:27:37,792 --> 00:27:40,041 ...the plant was not so lucky. 536 00:27:41,542 --> 00:27:44,375 [soft music continues]