[EVAN & JARON'S "FROM MY HEAD TO MY HEART" PLAYING]
♪ Once again I just can't get it straight ♪
♪ Wonderin' If wanderin' is my fate ♪
♪ But don't lose hope in me Quite yet ♪
♪ 'Cause help must be On the way ♪
♪ Any day ♪
♪ From my head to my heart ♪
♪ Can't seem to find a way They're so far apart ♪
♪ It's not you It's not your fault ♪
[RADIO OFF]
[SIGHS]
[GROWLING, SHRIEKING ON TV]
Oh!
ANCHORMAN: ...our five-day forecast.
Next up, the tree girl from Elkerton.
ANCHORWOMAN: After living in a tree for an entire year,
local girl Rianna "Hummingbird" Holmes
is finally coming down.
Unlike the better-known Julia Hill,
the rest of Ms. Holmes' forest was leveled,
though she did manage to save one giant redwood tree.
All right! REPORTER: How are you doing?
I just wanna thank everyone
who sent me food and letters of support,
especially the mentally handicapped child
who sent me this sweet book of poems.
She read my poems.
Thank you. [REPORTERS SHOUTING]
[PANTING]
[INHALER PUFFS]
[SURVIVOR'S "EYE OF THE TIGER" PLAYING]
[BARKING] [SCREAMING]
WOMAN: Dimples!
Come on in the house!
[WHIMPERS]
Morning, Mrs. De La Rosa.
Dimples got out again.
I let him out.
You have a good day now.
[SURVIVOR'S "EYE OF THE TIGER" RESUMES]
I am... a warrior.
♪ Risin' up ♪
♪ Back on the street ♪
I am a warrior.
On your left! Huh?
[GROANS]
MARVIN: Well, boys and girls,
this is the most important room in the entire police station.
This is the police evidence room.
This is where I work.
Are you a real policeman?
Evidence file clerks work very closely with real policemen.
So you're not a real policeman.
As soon as I pass the obstacle course,
I'm gonna be a real policeman.
Yeah, okay, pal.
All the evidence is arranged by case number.
Do you realize we're almost as tall as you?
This field trip sucks.
[SIGHS] I think I might have some candy somewhere.
[KIDS LAUGHING, SHOUTING] KID: Look, everyone! Marijuana!
I'm sorry, you're not allowed to touch that!
That's police evidence!
What are you gonna do, arrest us?
You're not a real cop.
Guys, that's really--
[CUFFS LOCK] [SHOUTING CONTINUES]
Uh-- I got 'im!
KIDS [SCREAMING]: Yea!
[SHOUTING CONTINUES]
[SPRAY CAN HISSES] MAN: Mange!
What is goin' on in here?
[GASPS]
Let me see that.
Thanks, Sarge. Hmm.
Right, uh, you're missing an R.
[HISSES]
There. Outstanding.
Now,
who wants to go for a ride with a real police officer?
KIDS: Yea! Yeah!
Yea!
Marvin, what happened to you?
Kids. I can't believe you let
a bunch of 8-year-old kids embarrass you like that.
I'm gonna really do it this time, Dad.
I'm gonna be a real policeman, just like you were.
I'll make you so proud of me.
I'm not gonna be a huge loser anymore.
Give me that!
[BARKING]
Ohh! Ohh!
[GROANING]
Stretch it, Marvin! Stretch it!
It won't go any further.
Back up, let me give it a shot.
Come on, Marvin. Aaah!
Mange!
Maybe this year you won't pee your pants
and cry for your mama.
[ALL LAUGHING] MAN 1: Good one, Sarge.
Don't worry. Nobody else remembers that.
MAN 2: Yoo-hoo!
Listen up!
You have four minutes
to complete the physical endurance portion
of your police examination.
I have personally designed this course
to simulate actual conditions
one might encounter
in the field.
Good luck!
Okay. [GRUNTING]
Take a good look at that ass.
You'll be following it all day.
[INHALER PUFFS] INSTRUCTOR: Ready! Set!
[♪♪]
FATTY: Go, Marvin, go!
Go, Marvin! You got her! Marvin, take her!
[♪♪]
[PANTING]
Kiss it!
♪ Until the break of dawn ♪
♪ Life, life ♪
♪ Cannot Go by the letter ♪
♪ Time, time ♪
♪ Prozac can make it better ♪
♪ Noise, noise Any kind will do ♪
♪ Can you feel it Slip away ♪
Oh. Okay.
♪ When it's all on you ♪ ♪ Hey ♪
♪ Crime, crime Rockin' like Janet Reno ♪
♪ Time, time Eighteen and life in Chino ♪
♪ Freud, Freud All alone... ♪
How does this simulate something that would happen in the field?
[GRUNTING]
♪ Knock down the walls ♪
♪ It's alive in you ♪
♪ Knock down the place You're alone, it's true ♪
♪ Knock down the world It's alive in you ♪
♪ You gotta keep your head up Through it all ♪
[SCREAMING]
♪ Original prankster ♪
♪ Break out, yeah ♪
♪ Original, yeah ♪
♪ Bust out on it ♪
♪ Original prankster ♪
♪ You never stop now Stop now ♪
♪ That's what The main man say ♪
♪ You can do it ♪
[GROANS]
[GRUNTS]
♪ It smells like shit ♪
[YELLS]
♪ Tag team the double header ♪
FATTY & MILES: Come on, Marvin!
♪ Son of Sam Fire always makes it better ♪
♪ No way None of this is true ♪
[OFFICERS SHOUTING]
♪ There'll come a day When the joke's on you ♪
♪ You gotta Bust out on it ♪
♪ Original Prankster ♪
Yeah!
♪ Original, yeah ♪
♪ You never stop now Stop now ♪
[GRUNTS]
[GUNSHOT] [CHEERING]
FATTY: Marvin, you okay?
At least you didn't pee in your pants.
Maybe we should wait until everyone leaves.
♪ Come on, a-la-la-la-la-la A-la-la-la-la-la... ♪
Pop quiz, pop quiz. Who's this?
Oh-- Oh--
Mange!
[MEN LAUGHING]
That's four times in a row.
Refills?
Thank you. WAITRESS: Mm-hm.
Y'all see that shit? What?
I'm sittin' in the middle, she poured my beer first.
So? MILES: So?
Don't you see it? It's because I'm black.
Maybe she's just being nice.
See, now we're gettin' to it. What?
What y'all call nice I call reverse racism.
Let's be overly nice to the black man.
Let's make up for the fact that his ancestors
were plucked from their homeland,
crammed by the hundreds
into leaky boats with no bathrooms like human tuna fish,
and if most of 'em didn't die on the way over,
they'd have to go into show business
to make a decent living.
And now she's gonna pour my beer first?
That's not gonna make up for 400 years of injustice.
Mm-mm. No, sir, not today.
I wish I was black.
I'd have my onion rings by now.
I gotta go take a whizzer.
[URINATING]
[DOOR CLOSES] [URINATING CONTINUES]
[LOUD FART]
Oh! Jeez, I'm sorry. I-- No, I--
I didn't know anybody was--
was in here. [TOILET FLUSHES]
There's a long line in the ladies room. I--
Wait.
You're Rianna "Hummingbird" Holmes.
I think it's great what you did, saving that tree.
Even though they leveled all those other trees.
Glad to see you're doing your part.
[GASPS] I'm sorry, I'm-- I'm wasting trees, I--
I b-- They should get one of those--
They should get one of those, uh, blow-jobby things.
Uh, I-I mean h-hand-jobbies--
I mean, hand-- hand blowers.
[CHUCKLES] Bye.
I wrote you a poem.
[SHRIEKING]
Working out and eating a high-protein diet
is not enough.
You need a high-potency, high-mineral,
mega-amino, anabolic bodybuilding supplement.
Nothing, legally, will give you all that...
except Badger Milk.
A badger can lift 20 times its body weight.
Can you do that?
Our potent supplement...
is made up of 25 percent real badger milk.
If you call now, you'll get
two cartons of Badger Milk for the price of one.
Check out the pecs on Yolanda. That is pure Badger Milk.
[BEEPING]
Hey, Marv, could you cover for me a minute?
I'm the only one here. No problem.
Everyone else is down at the softball game.
Thanks.
There's a softball game today?
[EVAN & JARON'S "MAKE IT BETTER" PLAYING]
♪ I don't know What's happenin' to me ♪
♪ I can't remember things I used to believe ♪
♪ I caught myself Just the other day ♪
♪ Stealing color from words And leaving them gray ♪
♪ I've fallen down A time or two... ♪
Freeze, puke! Put down that VCR.
Put it down.
Oh, you bought it, did you?
Oh, you have a receipt, do you?
My mistake. [SIGHS]
I'm new on the force.
♪ Time to go home ♪
♪ Time to change back To the clothes that I own ♪
♪ I could use Some heavy shoes ♪
♪ To ground me in feelings I don't want to lose ♪
[PHONE RINGING]
Police department. Can I help you?
This is Mr. Tam of Tam's Restaurant.
I'm being robbed!
Tam's Restaurant? That's terrible.
I go there all the time.
You guys have the best orange-flavored bean cake.
Thank you very much!
Chili peppers give it a real kick.
[GUNSHOT]
They're shooting at me now! Aah!
H-Hold on. I'll get some help.
Uh, officers needed. I got a 211.
Robbery in progress. Hello?
[HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYING]
[SPECTATORS CHEERING, YELLING]
Outstanding.
Officers needed. Hello!
Can you just sit tight until I can reach somebody?
[GUNSHOT] [MR. TAM WAILING]
[♪♪]
I got a 211 in progress. I'm in pursuit.
Hello! [RADIO EMITTING STATIC]
211 in progress--
[CLATTERS]
[BARKING] [GASPS]
[TIRES SCREECHING]
[MARVIN SCREAMING]
[SIGHS, PANTING]
[SCREAMING CONTINUES]
That wasn't so bad.
[♪♪]
[SEAL BARKS] [DOG GROWLS]
[COUGAR GROWLS] [SHEEP BLEATS]
[HORSE WHINNIES]
[MONKEY HOOTING]
[RAPPING] ♪ Yo-yo-yo, we gonna rock This one to the beat, y'all ♪
♪ Check it out ♪
♪ Yo, yo-yo-yo-yo ♪
♪ We gonna rock this one To the beat, check it out ♪
♪ Shake it To the beat, y'all ♪
♪ Come on, come on Shake it to the beat, y'all ♪
♪ Come on, come on ♪
[RANCHERO MUSIC PLAYING OVER TRUCK SPEAKERS]
Aqui.
Thanks for the lift. [SPEAKS SPANISH]
[♪♪]
[BARKING]
[WHINING, WHIMPERING]
Dimples, you okay? [BARKS]
[WHINES, BARKS]
[SIGHS]
The Badger Milk girl.
She seems nice.
Ah.
Now, that's good badger milk.
[SIGHING]
[♪♪]
Hmm.
Mmm.
Ow!
Fatty.
I gotta go.
Where the hell have you been?
Last night, after you left, I got a call.
211-- Robbery in progress at Tam's Restaurant.
Marvin, that was over a week ago.
You've been missing for eight days.
What? I tried to cover for you.
I told everyone you were an unreliable drunk
who disappears for days on end,
so I think you're okay.
Thanks a lot.
Are you all right, Marvin? Do you wanna see a doctor?
No, I--
I feel great.
[♪♪]
[INHALES FREELY]
On your left.
Sure, pass the old guy! Big man!
How's it goin'?
What? [HORSE NEIGHS]
♪ Hey, baby, hey, baby Yeah, baby, yeah, baby ♪
You shit! Hyah!
♪ Yeah, baby, yeah, baby ♪
♪ Hey, baby Hey, baby ♪
Come on! Come on!
[PANTING]
Yeah, come on! Come on!
Come on, boy, come on--
[GRUNTS]
Hmm.
♪ Yeah Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Yeah ♪
♪ Hey, baby, hey, baby Yeah, baby, yeah, baby ♪
[BARKING]
Oh! Easy!
Easy! Whoa! ♪ Yeah, baby ♪
Slow down!
[WHIMPERING]
Wow. You gotta show me how you do that.
I wish I knew.
I'm Marvin. I'm Rianna.
I know. I met you in the men's room.
Oh, yeah. The fart guy.
[CHUCKLES]
So, uh, a-are all these dogs yours?
Kinda. I volunteer at a pet shelter.
Oh, that's great.
Yeah, it's pretty cool.
I get to hang out with all sorts of animals.
At least this time I have a roof over my head.
Uh-huh.
[DOG BARKING]
[♪♪]
Is something wrong?
No, nothing's wrong. Why?
[CHOMPS]
♪ Hey, baby Hey, baby ♪
♪ Yeah, baby Yeah, baby ♪
Wh--
♪ Hey, baby, hey, baby ♪
♪ Yeah, baby, yeah, baby ♪
Nice catch. Thank you.
You should come by the shelter sometime.
You could play Frisbee with the dogs.
I'd like that.
[DOGS BARKING] [GIGGLING] Bye!
Hey-- [GROWLS]
I'm sorry, I--
[♪♪]
[SECURITY WAND HUMS SOFTLY]
Miles, I gotta talk to you.
I didn't know you smoked.
I don't.
It's illegal to smoke in airports.
I just wanted to show you how bad it's gotten.
Watch this.
See?
Nobody says anything to me because I'm black.
Let's bend the rules for the black guy.
Let's let him smoke because he's black.
Just because all those old blues musicians
never got any royalties...
and had to play one-night gigs until they were 100
just so they could pay for their whores,
I get to smoke anywhere I want to.
Man, that's bullshit!
Something weird happened to me. Yeah?
Well, something weird happened to me too.
They made me supervisor.
That's great. Is it?
I been here 16 days, Marvin.
That Filipino over there has been here five years.
You know why they made me supervisor?
'Cause you're black?
No, because that bitch is dumb.
[SNIFFS]
[BEEP] MILES: Whoa.
Excuse me, sir. I'm in a hurry. Uh-huh.
Not until I check you with my magic wand, you ain't.
Palms out.
I ordered the stuff from the TV,
and I think it's working.
Physically, there's been--
[SNIFFING]
That's odd.
You smell that? [CONTINUES SNIFFING]
It's this way. What is?
Trust me. I know what I'm doing.
[♪♪]
[YELPING]
[ROARS] Aaah!
[SNARLING]
Ow! What are you, crazy or somethin'?
Let go of my leg!
What the hell are you doin'?
Hey-- Aah!
He's got drugs on him. Check him.
Oh!
What are you talkin' about? This guy's clean.
He's clean. See?
OFFICER: You can go. [SNIFFS]
No, wait.
[SNIFFING]
[SNORTING, CONTINUES SNIFFING]
Hey.
[GRUNTS] Oh! [ONLOOKERS MURMURING]
[♪♪]
I hope he's on our flight.
[GRUNTS] Aah! Ohh!
MAN: That's a huge bitch!
I don't know whose that is, but that's not mine.
That's pure heroin. [ONLOOKERS GASP]
You're pretty good, buddy. What's your name?
Mange.
Marvin Mange.
You'll be hearing from us.
[CHEERING]
MAN: Whoo!
REPORTER: Chief Wilson, could you tell us
what happened at the airport?
The drugs were found by the newest member on our force,
Marvin Mange. [CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKING]
Here to take you through the arrest
is Sergeant Doug Sisk.
Thank you, sir, ladies and gentlemen.
The suspect flew in from Colombia--
Excuse me. I have a question for Officer Mange.
Is it true that you can smell things in people's butts?
Uh...
I guess so.
Can you smell things that are not in people's butts,
like, say, things in people's pants pockets or wallets?
Officer Mange, I'm from the Free Press.
What's up my butt?
I-- I-- Sir, I'd rather not.
Aw, come on. What's up there?
Car keys.
He's good.
REPORTER 1: Over here! Okay, no more questions.
REPORTER 2: What about me, sir?
REPORTER 3: Wait, one more question!
REPORTER 4: Over here, Officer Mange, please!
[SHOUTING CONTINUES]
[♪♪]
Excuse me. Can I talk to you for a minute?
Look, I don't want to guess what's up your butt, okay?
No, no, it's not that.
You see, I released you
to see if you could function normally in society,
but now you're attracting too much attention.
I just can't take the chance.
What are you talkin' about?
I was the one that found you.
I put you back together.
Don't you remember the animals?
[ANIMALS SOUNDING]
No.
Well, how do you explain your enhanced sense of smell,
your ability to run twice as fast
or jump 10 feet in the air?
It's the Badger Milk.
I ordered it from the TV.
I need you to come with me.
You're crazy.
I'm not going anywhere with you.
[BLOWS PUFF OF AIR] [SHATTERS]
[GASPS]
[BODY THUDS]
[BLOWS PUFF OF AIR]
Aaah!
Ow!
[SNORTING, SNARLING]
[SLUGGISH ROARING]
[GROANING]
[MUTTERING]
Sorry about the dart.
[SQUEEZE TOY SQUEAKS]
You'll find everything you need here--
water,
food,
a place to work out.
Where am I?
Well, you were born here, sort of.
You see, when I found you,
you were more dead than alive.
The only way to save you was my groundbreaking procedure--
radical trans-species-ectomy.
What's that mean? I put animal parts in you.
[BARKING]
You put wild animals inside me?
I wish! I don't have that kind of money.
Most of the animals I used
were abandoned by a Mexican circus
or came from the private zoo of a famous pop star.
Why, there's Mr. Giggles!
[CHITTERING]
He really misses the pop star.
I'm not allowed to say who.
[♪♪]
Your life is here with me now.
Hmm?
Look, Doc...
I appreciate you saving me.
Thank you... I think.
But whatever you did with the animals is working for me,
so I'm just gonna go on with my new life.
Marvin.
Your human side may not be able to control it.
I have to go.
I have to try it.
I'm sorry. I can't allow that.
SISK: Mange!
[WHIMPERS]
Sit.
Listen up, shit stains.
I don't know how you worked that balloon trick
out of the guy's ass.
I don't.
But I'm watchin' ya.
Now, the fact of the matter is,
you're not even a full-fledged cop yet.
You're not. Okay?
And until you pass your 30-day probation,
you belong to me.
[WHINES] Mange. [WHISTLES]
I'll have you thrown outta here so quick,
it'll make your head spin.
All the best.
[DOOR OPENS, CLOSES]
Don't be ashamed, son.
I've eaten out of the garbage before.
MAN: I gotta stretch out before I start.
Okay.
Yeah.
[SNIFFS]
[TONE LOC'S "WILD THING" PLAYING]
♪ Please, baby, baby, please ♪
[LOW NEIGH, SNORTING]
[BANGING AGAINST MAILBOX]
[WHINNYING, SHRIEKING]
Yeah,
this baby's nailed down tight.
Not goin' anywhere. Alrighty.
[♪♪]
Marvin!
Hey. [DOG WHIMPERS]
Hi.
One minute, okay?
Give me one minute. I'll be right back.
[♪♪]
[SNORTING]
He was trying to get out.
You might wanna get a cover for this.
Yeah, maybe. Come on back.
I'll, uh, I'll show you the animals.
This is Molly. She's a young turkey vulture.
[SQUAWKING] Hey, baby.
Her parents were killed by a hunter,
and we're having the hardest time getting her to eat.
I'm worried she's not gonna make it.
[TRILLING]
She just misses her mom, that's all.
She doesn't eat whole worms.
Ahh. Ahh.
[CLUCKING]
[♪♪]
That was really amazing.
So, what do you think?
[SQUAWKS]
It's all right. He's nice.
There are a lot of-- a lot of animals in here.
Yeah, I know.
[LAUGHS] It's a little crowded.
[HISSES] [GASPS]
I just don't have the heart to turn any of them away.
But it's cool.
We're like one big, happy family.
This is Henry the orangutan.
He's very affectionate.
[KISSES]
He really likes people.
He just doesn't like other monkeys.
[GRUNTS]
We have quite a collection
of exotic birds, macaws and--
My friend Cosmo is a parrot.
Oh!
[BLOWS RASPBERRY]
RIANNA: You are a good boy.
[BOTH BLOWING RASPBERRIES]
You know, parrots are one of the smartest creatures
in the animal kingdom.
Really-- You want some food?
Oh! You want a peanut?
Yeah, it's been proven that they have the intelligence
of a 5-year-old child.
A 5-year-old?
People think parrots just mimic,
but I actually think they have thoughts of their own.
Some of them even have a vocabulary of up to 200 words.
Cosmo here has about 150. [MARVIN, ORANGUTAN GRUNTING]
[GROWLING] Ohh! That's incredible!
I didn't know any of that-- Ohh!
Hi, there.
Sometimes I feel like
I get along better with animals than people.
Animals are simple. They're honest.
You know what I mean?
Hmm?
[GROANING]
[SHRIEKING] [GRUNTING, PUNCHES LANDING]
I guess I kinda like people better.
With animals, I just feel like I'm one of them.
Easy, boy. [MARVIN GROANS]
Do you ever feel that way?
[GRUNTING CONTINUES]
It's crazy. [BARKING]
Easy.
Whoa!
Calm down. What's the matter with you guys?
[♪♪]
Guys, let me ask you a serious question.
Do you ever have trouble with...
control?
Yes.
The first thing you have to do is admit you have a problem.
You have to come out and say, "I am a porn addict."
Not that kind of control.
I've been having these...
animal urges.
Me too! I got this one crazy video
on the mating rituals of a hippopotamus.
[GROWLS]
He was trying to take my meat.
[GROWLING]
[♪♪]
[GROANS]
[BURGLAR ALARM RINGING]
♪ Shake it to the beat Y'all ♪
♪ Come on, come on Shake it to the beat, y'all ♪
Doc! Dr. Wilder!
Hey, Doc!
[PANTING] DR. WILDER: There you go.
Belly's all gone now.
Hmm. How's my boy?
I knew you'd come home.
I'm not coming home.
Ha, ha!
[SNORTING, GRUNTING]
Stop it! You're not helping!
Sorry. Look, Doc.
You were right.
This control thing's a lot harder than I thought.
[SNARLING]
Oh, h-hold on.
This might help. Here. Here.
Hmm? Hmm? Hmm?
This morning, I woke up in a butcher shop.
I have no idea how I got there. Oh, I see.
The other day,
I was eating out of a garbage can,
I bit someone,
and then...
I made love to a mailbox.
[♪♪]
Your subconscious is reverting to a primal state.
That's why I wanted you to stay here.
I was so sad when you left.
I thought we could be buddies. I even gave you a name.
Snowball.
I already have a name.
Oh, Snowball already has a name, hmm?
Who's a good boy, then?
I'm a good boy. I'm a--
This is serious!
I'm turning into an animal here!
All right.
DR. WILDER: Four whole turkeys, a dozen lamb shanks,
two salmon, my pet rabbit-- Oh, Charlie--
one ham hock.
[WHISTLES]
You see?
You didn't want the biscuit
because you satisfied your hunger.
[HIGH-PITCHED WHISTLE] Oww! Aah!
Now that I have your attention, listen carefully.
You must anticipate your instincts,
satisfy your animal urges...
before they take over.
Hunger will be your biggest challenge.
There's also your sex drive.
If you like, I could help you with that.
That's all right.
I'm good.
Hmm.
Okay.
[MOUTHS] No.
[CHITTERING]
[MOUTHING WORDS]
[CHITTERS]
I gotta go.
[SIGHS]
SISK: Mange!
There are a few things bothering me here.
I don't know how you got to the butcher shop break-in
before I did,
but let me guarantee you something--
you had damn sure better not be trying to show me up
with any of your super cop bullshit.
Not at all, sir.
You got one week of probation left, Mange...
and I'm gonna be all over you.
Say hello to your new partner.
[♪♪]
[ENGINE STARTS]
What's all that shit?
Supplies. I wanna be prepared for anything.
Of course you do.
[RAP MUSIC PLAYING OVER SPEAKERS]
Hey, hey, get it on.
Yo, ese.
Hey, pigs. [GROWLING]
Get the hell outta here, homes.
This is our neighborhood, ese.
[BARKING]
[SHOUTING INDISTINCTLY]
[SITAR MUSIC PLAYING ON HEADSET] [SQUEAKS]
You're just a regular bad-ass, aren't ya, Mange?
Now, when did you first notice it was missing, sir?
This morning, about 5:30.
I parked the tractor right here. Now it's gone.
[BLEATS]
Is that your goat?
Yeah, that's Nelly.
[SNIFFS]
[NELLY BLEATS]
She's in heat, huh? MAN: Yeah.
That's why I got her separated from the other animals.
They can't resist her.
Makes sense.
Makes a lot of sense.
Mange, shut up.
These tracks are still fresh, aren't they?
MAN: They are.
SISK: Walk me through the whereabouts
of your farm hands at the time of the crime.
I'm gonna check out somethin', uh, over here.
[MARVIN GAYE'S "LETS GET IT ON" PLAYING]
♪ I been really tryin', baby ♪
♪ Tryin' to hold back This feeling for so long ♪
♪ And if you feel ♪
How's it goin'?
♪ Like I feel, baby ♪
My name's Marvin.
♪ Come on ♪
[BLEATS]
♪ Oh, come on, whoo ♪
You got it goin' on.
♪ Let's get it on ♪
[BLEATS]
♪ Ah, baby ♪
♪ Let's get it on ♪
[BLEATING]
♪ Yes, love, baby ♪
[SPEAKS INDISTINCTLY]
Have you noticed anything abnormal in the area?
♪ Sugar, let's get it on ♪
[BLEATING CONTINUES]
Ah!
♪ Oooh-hoo-ooh ♪
All right, now, Marvin.
Control, Marvin. Control.
♪ With so much to give ♪
[BLEATS]
♪ Understand me, sugar ♪
Sweetie, yes.
You make me laugh.
♪ And since We got to be here ♪
♪ Let's live ♪
[CONVERSING INDISTINCTLY]
♪ I love you ♪
[BLEATS]
♪ There's nothin' wrong ♪
♪ With me lovin' you ♪
[BLEATS]
So soft.
♪ And givin' yourself To me... ♪
[BLEATS]
[MARVIN YELPS] We're gonna find these men--
[MARVIN WHIMPERS]
Oh, my. Watch this, Mange. [DOGS BARKING]
The professor is in.
Whip out your pen and take notes.
Hey, guys.
Ma'am.
Now, I really oughta be givin' you a ticket
for bein' too darn cute.
But I'll tell you what--
I'll settle for takin' you out for a drink on Saturday night.
What do you say? Maybe another time.
I-- I already have a date.
With Marvin.
Right, Marvin? Uh--
[WHIMPERING, BARKING]
Uh, yeah.
I forgot, I-I'm picking her up at...
8?
Dinner and a... walk.
I'll see you then.
Mange.
A walk. I got an idea.
Why don't I take you for a walk down to the women's store
so I can get you a blouse to go along
with the meter-maid outfit you're gonna be wearing,
'cause that's your new job!
Get in the car!
Mange, now, this is the mayor's annual charity event.
I want you to keep a low profile. Got it?
Got it.
How are my teeth?
Great. Good.
[CHAMBER MUSIC PLAYING]
[GUESTS CONVERSING, LAUGHING]
That's far enough, shit stains.
I don't want you anywhere near the mayor or his guests. Got me?
I'll be a good boy.
And for God's sake, keep your shirt on.
[GRUNTS]
Huh? Huh?
MAYOR: I would like to thank everyone here
for the success of this fund-raiser.
The fire department is going to love their new equipment.
Outstanding, Mr. Mayor.
[LAUGHING] Outstanding.
Hi, Daddy. Hi, sweetheart.
Where are you off to?
You keep an eye on him. Yes, sir.
That is one handsome little fella you got there.
Bacon-wrapped shrimp?
[WHINING]
WOMAN: Thank you.
Ahh-ahh-ahh.
[YOWLING]
[GROWLING]
[HISSES]
[CONTINUES GROWLING]
[GUESTS SCREAMING]
[YOWLING CONTINUES]
[CAT YOWLING, SHRIEKING] [MARVIN BARKING]
[MEOWS]
[GRUNTS]
I am so sorry, Mr. Mayor.
Aren't you that drug-sniffing cop?
Yes, sir.
[RETCHING]
[GUESTS GASPING]
It's a fur ball.
Sir, this officer's been on probation.
He obviously failed.
He's off the force as of now.
Do you hear that?
[♪♪]
Mange!
[CHITTERING]
[SQUEALING]
[GUESTS MURMURING] WOMAN: He's in the water.
[♪♪]
[GUESTS GASP] [CONTINUES SQUEALING]
[CHEERING, APPLAUDING]
[COUGHING] Are you all right?
You know, you scared your old man.
[BARKING]
GUEST: Wonderful!
[♪♪]
[CHITTERS] [GUESTS SHOUTING, LAUGHING]
Chief, this is one fine cop you've got here.
Yes, it is.
[CHUCKLES]
[GIGGLES]
[WHINING SOFTLY]
[LAUGHS]
Yeah.
Hey, listen up!
A toast to the newest cop on the force, baby!
To Marvin! Yeah! Whoo!
Go, Aquaman! Hey-hey! Outstanding!
You're all right, man. Right there. Go, go.
You were able to hear that kid drowning from that far away?
Yeah. All right, all right.
Then what am I saying now?
You were born with only one testicle.
Hey, you keep that shit to yourself.
I'm worried about my date with the tree girl.
I don't know if it's gonna work out.
She's a man, isn't she?
I knew it when you met her in the men's room.
No.
I have to tell you guys somethin'.
I got into a terrible car crash in the mountains.
Some scientist found me
and put me back together with different animal parts.
Now I can't control my sexual urges.
Marv, if you don't want to hang out with me anymore
because I'm black, just let me know.
Yeah.
[♪♪]
[TRAIN'S "SHE'S ON FIRE" PLAYING]
I hope you like vegetarian.
I love it.
Look at her.
And look at the disaster she is with.
They make it so easy for us.
Thanks for helping me out with Sergeant Sisk.
Oh, it's no problem.
I wasn't sure if you really meant it.
Of course I did.
Yeah?
So, uh, how are the, uh, animals doing
over at the, uh, shelter?
Oh, I started feeling bad about the lack of space,
so I started to bring some of the animals home with me.
Maybe I'm crazy. I don't think so.
I think you're pretty amazing.
No, I'm not. Yes, you are.
You know, there's something about you, Marvin.
I cannot figure it out.
[♪♪]
How is your grilled eggplant?
Nice, huh?
Yes, it's lovely. Thank you.
Mm-mmm. You are the lovely one.
[INXS'S "BEAUTIFUL GIRL" PLAYING]
[WAITER CHUCKLING]
[GROWLS]
Um, where's the bathroom? Next to the bar.
All right, thank you. Excuse me for a second.
[CLICKING TONGUE]
[FLY UNZIPS]
♪ Vickie's in the corner ♪
♪ With a black coat on... ♪
[SONG CONTINUES]
Do you smell that?
It's kinda musty.
Uh, asparagus, next table.
Oh. [CHUCKLES]
♪ Among the neon lights ♪
Oh, you have a little, uh--
Oh. I-I'll get it.
♪ She says, stay with me ♪
♪ Beautiful girl ♪
♪ Stay with me ♪
That was either the nicest thing that's ever happened to me...
or the grossest.
[♪♪]
Will you excuse me for a minute?
Of course.
[MARVIN HOWLING, WHINNYING]
Sorry.
I ordered us some sorbet. Great.
[UTENSIL DROPS ON FLOOR]
[♪♪]
Will you excuse me again, please?
Okay.
[MARVIN HOWLING]
[MARVIN TRUMPETS LIKE ELEPHANT]
There you go.
RIANNA: Oh, thank you.
Wow.
That's such a beautiful necklace you have.
Thanks. Did you get that in Italy?
RIANNA: Yes, in Florence. WAITER: I am from Firenze.
RIANNA: No! WAITER: Piazza della Signoria?
[GROWLS]
Sì, sì! [LAUGHING]
WAITER: My family lives there. [GROWLING]
You sit with them. I'll give my number.
[CHUCKLES] [CHUCKLES WEAKLY]
Grazie. [CHUCKLES] Call me.
Tony, I'm gonna have a smoke.
[ROARING]
♪ Follow me Everything is all right... ♪
RIANNA: Whatever happened to that waiter?
I guess he was done with his shift or somethin'.
Thanks for the walk.
No, thank you for dinner. It was great.
So, uh, can I invite you in?
Uh, it's been such a perfect evening,
I'd hate to ruin it by attacking you.
Well, that's honest.
So,
I guess this is good night.
♪ Won't give you money I can't give you the sky ♪
Um, good night.
♪ Don't ask why... ♪
Um, tomorrow we're releasing
Molly the turkey vulture back into the wild.
You should come by.
I wouldn't miss it.
Okay. Good night.
♪ I'll be the one To tuck you in at night ♪
♪ And if you want to leave I can guarantee ♪
♪ You won't find Nobody else like me ♪
[URINATING]
[PANTING]
[MOOING]
[PANICKED MOO]
Ahh.
Ah.
[COWS MOOING]
[SOBBING] I've never seen anything like it.
There was blood, guts everywhere.
Oh.
There was nothin' left of that cow.
Even ate most of the hooves. Ugh.
I'm tellin' you, Chief,
there's some kind of a beast out there.
All the other cows, too afraid to eat or shit.
And they ain't got nothin' else.
Yeah. [CONTINUES SOBBING]
I'm gonna have an officer drive you home.
All I want you to do is take care of your cows.
Okay.
I'm gonna go put on a puppet show for 'em.
Maybe that'll calm 'em down.
Marvin, can I see you in my office for a minute?
That was Bob Harris.
Last night a couple of his cows got all torn up.
Looks to me like it might be one of those Satanic rituals.
Marvin, do you worship the Dark Lord?
No, sir.
Help yourself.
Bob got a look at a man running away from the scene.
We made a composite from his description.
Marvin, do you recall...
where you were last night between midnight and 5 a.m.?
I was sleeping, sir.
Do you have, uh,
anyone who can corroborate that?
No, sir.
Can you explain why that drawing...
looks like you, Marvin?
Mm-mm. Mm-mm.
I'm going to have to ask you to go on paid leave
until we figure this thing out.
I'm also going to have to ask you
to teach me how you do that.
[♪♪]
I'm sorry, Dad.
[OBJECTS CLANKING, BRANCHES SNAPPING]
Marvin? Marvin?
Is that a beaver dam?
[♪♪]
Oh, Marvin.
What's happening to you?
Look, you have to go. Marvin--
[SIGHS]
You can trust me.
Only an animal would do something like that.
There must be some other explanation.
Marvin.
I know you, and you wouldn't hurt anyone or anything.
It's getting late.
You can't stay here much longer.
I'm not going anywhere.
Marvin...
you're not dangerous.
And I'm gonna stay here tonight to prove it to you.
It's not safe.
At night, I lose control.
Ahh.
[GIGGLING] What are you doing?
Uh... I have no idea.
[♪♪]
Ahh.
[GOOSE-LIKE HONKING]
Knock it off.
[GIGGLES]
If you're gonna stay here,
at least tie me up.
What?
Oh, no.
I want you to tie me up...
So that I won't hurt anybody.
Okay.
[BREATHING HEAVILY]
[SNARLING]
[SCREAMS]
JUDE'S "EVERYTHING'S ALL RIGHT (I THINK IT'S TIME)" PLAYING]
[GRUNTS]
MAN: ♪ Can you tell me I wanna believe ♪
♪ That you want to be With me forever ♪
My handcuffs.
You looked so uncomfortable.
[SIGHS] When did you take them off?
I don't remember.
You wore them for a while and...
then I wore them for a while.
You are an animal.
I am? Awesome.
[CHAIN SAW REVS] [MAN SPEAKS INDISTINCTLY]
MAN: Come on! [CHAIN SAW BUZZING]
Marvin, go. Get out.
WILSON: This is Chief Wilson. A hunter was attacked.
Mange! We know about the barn!
Marvin, you've gotta get out of here!
Marvin, get out.
WILSON: The freak show's over!
You're coming with me! Go!
Freeze! RIANNA: Marvin!
[♪♪]
[SIREN WAILING]
Super cop Marvin Mange has turned fugitive today.
He's wanted for the assault of a bird hunter...
and the attack of two cows.
The suspect is considered dangerous,
and Elkerton Police Chief Marion Wilson
is assembling a task force
of the city's finest officers.
[DOGS BARKING] [WHISTLES]
Ladies and gentlemen...
our suspect is not human.
He is at home in the bush.
Shoot to kill. [COCKS GUN]
Any questions?
Oh, yeah. Yeah. I got a question there.
When do we get to light our torches?
When it gets dark.
Ahh. I see.
[COCKS GUN]
Oh, hey. I got another question.
Suppose, uh, hypothetically,
you know, a guy had already lit his torch.
I mean, uh, it'd be cool if he could just keep it lit, huh?
Yes.
Oh. Excellent. Excellent.
Now, if there are no more questions.
Hey! I got another question.
Hey, uh, if one part of the mob gets separated
from another part of the mob,
shouldn't there be a place that we can get together,
maybe a secret place...
The two mobs could reunite and we'd be a big mob again?
Stay with the mob.
Stay with the mob. All right. Right.
Hey, hey, hey! I got another question.
Hey, uh, doesn't this guy deserve a fair trial?
You! Back of the mob!
Back of the mob? What?
This is my spot. I came early.
Okay! Out of the mob! Ah, this mob blows.
[WHISTLES] Let's go.
[♪♪]
[MOB SHOUTING] [DOGS BARKING]
[SIGHS]
Aah! Oof! [COUGHS]
What are you doing out here? Picking apples.
With a dart gun?
I made a terrible mistake, and now I must correct it.
There's something else out here, isn't there?
It was the same experimental procedure as yours.
I don't understand what went wrong.
We have to catch it before it's too late.
Until then...
we are all in danger.
Right here is exactly why black people don't go camping.
I can just as easily
have something crawl up my ass at home.
[BREATHING HEAVILY]
I have to eat.
You need to start carrying some PowerBars with you,
'cause this is some bullshit.
Sorry, Miles.
I have to eat.
[♪♪]
[TWIG SNAPS] [GASPS]
Oh, my God. You scared me.
You shouldn't be out here.
There's a crazy man-beast in the woods.
Oh! Aah! Aw, damn.
Go, go! You're the only one that can stop it now.
Aah!
[♪♪]
[MEN SHOUTING INDISTINCTLY]
On your left! On your left! On your left!
[MEN SHOUTING] [DOGS BARKING]
[BREATHING HEAVILY]
[♪♪]
[COCKS GUN]
Marvin.
[LOUD CHOMPING]
I love berries.
Are you done yet? [GUNSHOT]
Mange! [COCKS GUN]
[GUNSHOT]
[SISK COCKS GUN]
You're mine! You like that, huh?
Come on, baby! Mange!
[GUNSHOT]
[CHIMPANZEE-LIKE SCREECH]
[SCREECHING]
What? What?
[♪♪]
[ENGINE REVS]
Aw, no.
Aah!
[GROANING]
[♪♪]
SISK: Mange!
Mange! Mange!
Mange!
[GRUNTING]
Mange!
[GRUNTING]
Come on. I got you.
[GRUNTS] Reach for it.
[♪♪]
[GRUNTING]
[COUGHS]
Why did you save me?
Like I told you...
I'm not an animal.
[GRUNTING]
I wish I could take that chance.
[♪♪]
[ENTITY SNARLS]
[ENTITY ROARS] [SCREAMING]
[SCREAMING STOPS]
You. [SNARLS]
RIANNA: That hunter was after my turkey vulture.
I had to scare him off.
I guess we have the same doctor.
I hope this doesn't change anything between us.
So that's why you have six nipples.
[LAUGHS]
The damn tree girl is the beast.
[TRAIN'S "SHE'S ON FIRE" PLAYING]
♪ She's on fire ♪
♪ Ohh ♪
Two beasts kissing. That's hot.
MAN: There he is! [DOGS BARKING]
Kill the beast! Kill him!
Take your dirty paws off her!
[MEN SHOUTING INDISTINCTLY]
It's time to die, man-beast!
[SHOUTING CONTINUES]
You can do it! Cut his freaking balls off!
I'm not a beast! [SHOUTING CONTINUES]
I'm not a beast! Then who is the beast?
[SHOUTING CONTINUES]
All right! All right!
It's me!
I was not expecting that, were you?
I am the beast.
I ate the cow and I mauled the hunter.
So do what you gotta do.
Well... I guess we can let it go this time.
Yeah. It's no big deal.
What? [CHUCKLES]
I'm not gonna be part of a mob to kill a black guy,
I'll tell you that.
Let's move it out, people. It's all over.
[MOB GROANING INDISTINCTLY]
WILSON: Come on. Get out of here.
These panty hose are killing me. Come on.
Come on. Outta here.
Oh! Let's let the black beast go free
just 'cause he's black!
We can't kill the black man-beast!
That would be racist!
Way to go, buddy.
What is the matter with you people?
[BOTTLEFLY'S "GOT 2 B LUV" PLAYING]
Come on, guys! Time for dinner!
[DOGS BARKING]
♪ Got money in my pocket I've got lovin' in the air ♪
Come on.
[CRYING]
[CRYING STOPS]
I wonder who they're gonna take after.
I got a feeling they're probably gonna take after their dad.
Yeah?
It could fall out. [APPLAUSE ON TV]
Thank you dearly for this most prestigious award.
Winning this Nobel Prize
truly validates a lifetime of hard work,
but I really owe it all to one special person.
And that person...
is my fiancée, Yolanda.
MARVIN: It's the Badger Milk girl.
[APPLAUSE ON TV]
[♪♪]
I guess there really is someone for everybody...
even if you have to make 'em out of animal parts.
[CHUCKLES]
You think so? Yeah.
♪ It's got to be love ♪
♪ It's got to be... ♪
[BLEATS]
♪ ...not a broken heart ♪
♪ It's got to be love ♪
♪ It's got to be Your one true desire ♪
Marvin! What? What? I'm just looking.
♪ From the very start ♪
♪ It's got to be love Not a broken heart ♪
♪ It's got to be love ♪
♪ It's got to be love My one true desire ♪
♪ You know you set My world on fire ♪
♪ Feel like Jumping in the river ♪
♪ Or dancing in the rain ♪
♪ Different places Smiling faces ♪
♪ Always make my day ♪
♪ And all the happy people ♪
♪ Just following your dream ♪
♪ 'Cause everything you want Is not a fly-by fantasy ♪
♪ The sun's gonna ♪ ♪ Shine, shine ♪
♪ Let the music Blow through your mind ♪
♪ Yeah ♪ ♪ Shine, shine ♪
♪ It's got to be love ♪
♪ Got to be love From the very start ♪
♪ It's got to be love Not a broken heart ♪
♪ It's got to be love ♪
♪ It's got to be love My one true desire ♪
♪ You know you set My world on fire ♪
♪ It's got to be love ♪
♪ It's got to be love From the very start ♪
♪ It's got to be love Not a broken heart ♪
♪ It's got to be love ♪
♪ It's got to be love My one true desire ♪
♪ You know you set My world on fire ♪
♪ It's got to be love From the very start ♪
♪ It's got to be love Not a broken heart ♪
♪ It's got to be love My one true desire ♪
♪ You know you set My world on fire ♪
♪ It's got to be love ♪
♪ It's got to be love From the very start ♪
♪ It's got to be love Not a broken heart ♪
♪ It's got to be love ♪
♪ It's got to be love My one true desire ♪
♪ You know you set My world on fire ♪
♪ It's got to be love ♪
♪ It's got to be love From the very start ♪
♪ It's got to be love Not a broken heart ♪
♪ It's got to be love ♪
♪ It's got to be love My one true desire ♪
♪ You know you set My world on fire ♪
♪ It's got to be love... ♪
[♪♪]
MAN: Yo, yo, yo. We gonna rock this one to the beat, y'all.
Check it out.
Yo. This one's for all the ladies in the house
that like to shake that groove thing.
Here we go now.
♪ To the beat now ♪
♪ Check it out To the beat now ♪
♪ Just shake it To the beat now ♪
♪ To the, to the, to the ♪
♪ To the, to the To the, to the ♪
♪ To the, to the To the, to the, to the ♪
♪ Wh-Wh-Wh-What's new Shake it to the beat now ♪
♪ Come on, come on Shake it to the beat now ♪
♪ Come on, come on Come on, come on ♪
[♪♪]
MAN: That's a huge bitch! [WOMAN CACKLING]
[MEN & WOMEN LAUGHING] MAN: Okay, play those back.