Oh my God, it's perfect!
This is the deluxe arch. Can you believe how cute it is?
It's gorgeous.
-So deluxe. -What a rental, yeah.
It cost a bit more, but I figured,
how often do you get to celebrate 25 years of marriage?
Sometimes never, right?
-Yeah. -A little to the left.
Can you just eyeball, make sure it's straight?
Sorry, I'm nitpicky. I'm nitpicking.
So, uh, what made you want to surprise Nick with, you know, this whole fun thing?
I don't know, I just wanted to do something special.
I mean, the man bought me a kiln. He installed it himself.
So, I woke up this morning, and I fired it up for the first time.
It's a wedding platter.
The one we got years ago broke, so I did that from memory.
Well, what a memory today also will, uh, be.
Yeah.
-Annie, what do you need from us? -Great question.
Uh, the fancy clothes that I asked you to bring, they're for this.
So go put them on, and you can help me set up the ceremony.
But Nick won't be back for two hours, and then it's just, you know,
surprise, vows, cake, and happily ever after.
Amazing plan. No notes. Get it, girl.
I hate this. I hate talking like this. I wanna leave.
Jack, you were acting insane.
Yeah, how can you be even less chill in your fifties than in your twenties?
She made her marriage a tombstone, all right?
I think we need to tell her.
-Absolutely not doing that. -Absolutely no.
-Why? -'Cause you're not thinking it through.
What, are we gonna divorce Anne for Nick? How would we do that?
We… Gently.
Vow renewals are dumb and tacky, but they're not real.
So, the six of us will sit here
and uncomfortably watch this little ceremony,
and that will be that.
Oh, Jesus.
It's a zombie apocalypse.
Anne invited everyone she knows.
It's going to be a big party!
Hi, I'm Claude. Hi. Hi.
Thanks.
Jack, it's gonna be okay.
It's not that. Can you-- Can you feel my glands?
Please.
Just feels like normal neck.
I just feel, like, off.
-You know, not like sick, but like, funky. -Uh-huh.
I mean, I swallowed lake water yesterday, and…
-You don't think I have giardia, do you? -I think you're just stressed, buddy.
Look, my thumb joints are, like, crazy tender.
You see this? Look.
Just doing that hurts.
So bad.
I can't believe that Nick is doing this.
He just wants to be happy. I'm sure it's not easy for him either.
Wait, why are you on Nick's side?
No, I'm not taking a side.
I just think we should focus on the actual situation
and not give in to a bunch of big feelings.
Oh, well, sorry I have big feelings.
I actually didn't 'til you said "big feelings" like that.
Look, you're not feeling well, okay?
Why don't you eat a banana and lay down? And I'll go help downstairs.
You're… You're not gonna be mad if I lie down?
No.
Thank you.
Is… Is this the only banana you have?
Yeah.
You're positive we shouldn't call Nick and tell him what's happening?
Hello, you've reached the voicemail of Nick Pagano.
-Please leave a message. -Voicemail.
And if you wish to send a fax, you may do so on this line at any time.
Thanks, have a great day.
Hi, Nick, it's Kate. When was the last time you got a fax?
Also, Anne is throwing you a surprise vow renewal,
which, given where your head is at, may be an issue.
Please call me back.
Thank you.
If there are other bananas down there, can you text me?
Yeah.
Thank you, Janessa. That is all. Yes, that's great.
Yeah. Yeah, you're an angel from heaven.
Ciao, ciao, ciao.
Yeah, okay.
-Janessa, you fucking bitch! -Everything okay?
No. I got locked out of the portal, so I called the number.
I'm on hold for 45 minutes. Finally, I get Janessa on the phone.
She says she's fixed it. Look, does it look fixed to you?
Maybe it's a sign we don't worry about it this second.
This is not a sign, Danny.
Thunder, volcano,
when a fish looks at you right in the eye for no reason, these are signs.
This? This is a fixable problem, and I'm going to fix it.
Okay, just breathe, okay?
You sure you cannot stay home and keep the appointment?
Get the surgery over with?
Miami's a big project. I can't miss the installation.
And you can't do it from home, with a Zoom?
You know I need to be there in person to see all the furniture
and touch all the fabrics.
Why do you have to be so tactile all the time?
I mean, it's sexy, but also a little frustrating.
Okay, all I want right now
is to be on vacation with my beautiful husband.
-Now you do that voice, huh? -Mm-hmm.
You know, you can say anything, and I melt with that voice, right?
-Cafeteria. -Oh, God.
Trash compactor.
Ah!
More!
Janessa.
I love Janessa.
Basta. Oh, I'll do this later.
Now I need to get ready for Nick and Anne's big day.
Oh.
-What? -Yeah.
Oh, God. Dang it.
Oh, you need help?
Oh, that would be great.
Make sure you lift it with your knees.
Up, and back, back.
A little bit more to your left. Back, back, back. Watch your step.
Yes, you can open the door.
-Claude, question. -Yes.
Is there any way you'd be willing to sing at the ceremony?
Anne!
That is so personal.
I would be very honored.
Oh, good because, um,
you know that beautiful song that you always sing at karaoke?
-The ballad, the one in Italian? -No, no, no, no.
That song is about orphans in a famine, I cannot sing that.
-Oh. -I know your wedding song. How's that?
Perfect. Thank you.
This is gonna be so special!
Yes.
Yeah, come in.
Hey, Jack. Sorry to barge--
Oh, no. Are you not feeling well?
Oh! No, no, no. Not at all. Not at all.
I'm, uh, just resting up for,
uh, later, later.
Um, do you need something?
Yeah, just the full-length mirror for a minute, if you don't mind.
It's the only one in the house.
Oh my God, of course. Please.
Please, yeah.
-Sorry, just real quick. -Go ahead, and…
That's, uh,
an amazing, amazing dress.
This is annoying, but I need help with my hair.
I can't see the back.
Oh, of course. Yeah, of course.
If you just put some of the pieces on the side.
I don't know. Whatever looks nice.
Okay.
I had baby's breath in my hair on our wedding day.
You look… beautiful.
I can't wait to see Nick's face.
Are you hiding? Where'd you get that sandwich?
I made it.
This catering is for Barbies. How's Jack holding up?
Oh no, he's not. No, this whole thing is giving him emotional giardia.
Hmm!
I noticed that Claude is very excited about the ceremony.
Don't judge me. If I told him about Nick and Anne,
he wouldn't just take to a fainting couch, he would explode.
That is why sometimes, I need to manage him a little.
-I get it. -It's just easier that way.
I mean, it's not like you're straight-up lying to him or anything.
-What? -Okay, um…
Well, I…
I didn't lie,
but I kind of lightly fabricated that I need to be out of town
for work next week instead of doing that surgery.
I know! I know!
God, your face gets so loud sometimes!
But you are gonna get that surgery.
I need a minute to think about it before Claude loses his beautiful Italian mind.
That is the only way I get my minute.
But you are gonna--
It's a balloon that they shove in through your groin, Katherine.
They jam a balloon through your groin.
That sounds awful.
-But you're gonna let them jam it, right? -Bitch, will you let me eat my sandwich?
We are monsters.
All of us, monsters.
All right, Anne is gonna be blindsided
in front of her dad and her old youth pastor from Utica.
And we're just sitting on our hands, letting it happen.
Okay.
-He still hasn't called you back yet? -No.
Great, he hasn't called me back either.
Wait, you called him too?
-A little, yeah. -Okay, I also called him.
So we all called him? Well, then we know what happened.
Obviously, he got a billion panicked voicemails,
and he freaked out and ran away.
No, he would not just run away.
-That's what I would do. -That's what you would do, huh?
You would abandon me while I threw you a vow renewal party?
That's not what I meant.
Okay, you know what? Fuck it. I'm telling Anne.
-Jack, no, you have not thought this-- -I'm telling Anne!
-There you are. Stop hiding. -No.
Jack has been talking to Anne for a while. Nick is now a thousand minutes late.
I mean, should we start subtly telling people to go home?
-I'm not doing that. I live in here now. -Mind if I use the good bathroom?
-Oh, hey. -Oh, Don. Hi.
Mr. K, you came all the way from Florida for this?
Well, your daughter only gets married…
a bunch of times, I guess.
You know, Anne's mother
would have really loved this.
-Yeah. -She loved outdoor parties.
You were together for a long time.
Sixty-seven wonderful years.
You got any tips?
I don't know. You know, communication.
Try not to fuss about the small stuff.
But my wife did have this one thing. She…
-She… -Tell me.
She'd… She'd kill me if I told you.
But every once in a while, we'd wake up and she'd say,
"Congratulations. Take off your pants. It's a sex day."
That's incredible!
You might try that with your spouse. They'd be so grateful and surprised.
You know, it's like a dog waking up not knowing it's Thanksgiving.
And then all of a sudden, all these people come over,
start dropping turkey and stuffing all over the ground.
I love you so much.
-Oh. -Mwah!
-This is gonna be a memorable day. -Yeah.
Now, if you'll excuse me, I had real coffee this morning.
Yeah, we will give you your privacy. Okay.
You sure you don't want to let Claude in on what's happening?
Right. Because a hysterical man is exactly what this party needs right now.
You're keeping all these things from him.
You know what, Katherine? You're right.
Let's tell him. Let's see how that goes.
No, not with me. No, I don't have to tell him anything.
…from the tempo, the key's there, but we're not--
-Hey, honey. -Claude.
Hey, we need to talk to you for a moment.
What happened?
Uh…
We're worried about how today may go.
You see,
Nick told us that he's thinking about leaving Anne, and she doesn't know.
Oh, well.
"Oh, well"?
Oh, well. I mean, people say things all the time,
but who knows what they will really do.
You know, I'm going to cross my fingers
and hope that love will find its way into his heart again.
How's that?
I'd better go warm up now. Ciao.
Okay.
Katherine.
Oh, hi. How are you?
-Hey. -Hey!
Yeah, so, uh, I talked to Anne.
Okay.
Yeah, and I-I went in just thinking, you know, like, I'll be loving but firm.
Okay.
And…
I couldn't do it.
I mean, I-I-I couldn't do it.
Like, I got emotional seeing her, right?
And I think my voice cracked,
and I just ended up saying, "I love you," like, 11 times.
And by the time I left, I had gone completely the other way.
Right? And now I've got to do a reading at the ceremony
of "When Two People Are at One" from the I Ching.
Oh, Jack, you only tried to do what you thought was right.
-But I do think that this kind of proves-- -No, no, uh, Kate.
You know, at some point, Anne's like, you know,
"Jack, is there something else you want to tell me?"
-Because she could sense it, right? -Yeah.
And, uh, you know, I said, no, I don't have anything else to tell her.
But I, you know, I said, uh…
you…
did.
What?
I know. I'm sorry. I sucked. I'm bad. I panicked.
I just thought, in the moment, you'd be so much better at thi--
Oh, man.
Oh, hey, you.
Hey.
What are you doing in here? It's hot.
The kiln heat is good for my voice
Okay, well, can I, uh, interrupt you for a minute?
Of course, amore. What's up?
Claude.
Honey.
I didn't really have to go to Miami.
What? So you lied to me?
No.
Yes, I-- But lately,
it doesn't seem like you and I could have a conversation about…
-Conversation? -…surgery.
What kind of conversation do we need to have?
Whether I really need to have it or not.
-Are you crazy? -Oh, my God!
You don't want to get the surgery now?
The doctor said that maybe with diet and exercise, that maybe I--
Oh sure, sure, sure.
Why don't you just chew some gum and make a wish?
I see you now. I know what you're doing.
-What? -That was always your plan.
You thought you could push the date until I forgot about it.
Well, guess what? This is not like getting our matching tattoos.
You always do this. You always bullshit me to get what you want.
No. I don't. Can we please do this somewhere else?
It's hot as fuck in here.
Just…
I don't understand.
There is a thing that you can do to take care of this thing,
and you don't do it.
Not even for us.
Fine.
I'll get it done.
Really?
-Or that's another lie? -No.
Next week.
I'll get the surgery.
But I reject the narrative that I lie to you to get what I want.
Sometimes I just need a minute.
Okay.
Oh, hey, Kate.
-Oh, Lila! Oh! -Hey!
Hi! how are you?
Can you believe my mom did all this?
God, she is so extra.
Okay, you know, go easy on her. She's…
A triple Pisces?
She's your mom, and she loves your dad.
I know.
I'm sure once it's actually happening, it won't be embarrassing.
-I'm gonna go check on her. -Okay.
Come in.
Oh, wow!
You look great.
How do you feel?
Well, I fit into this dress today, so I'm starving.
-Have you heard from Nick? -No, which is very Nick of him.
But I'm sure he'll text soon.
-Uh, so, I know… Jack mentioned that-- -It's loud out there.
You think people are having fun?
I do, yeah.
Um, Anne, can we sit for a second?
Uh, depends on if you want to see me naked.
If I sit in this dress, it'll explode right off me.
Um…
Anne, you and I have known each other for a very long time.
Yeah.
And I love you so much.
-I hope he's not having car trouble. -What?
Yeah, because you know when he's out here, he drives that old BMW.
The, what'd you use to call it? The almost red one?
Sure.
Yeah, it's funny, when…
when Nick turned 50, he was like, "You know what, Anne?"
"I make good money. I'm gonna treat myself to a new car."
And he went on this endless quest for a new car, right?
Every week was a new website or a new conversation.
He spent two years test-driving a dozen cars, maybe more.
But for whatever reason,
he keeps coming back to that old BMW.
Because he loves it.
At work, he's really decisive, but…
well, in life, he just…
You know, sometimes he doesn't exactly know.
It's Nick. Five minutes away.
Okay, do-- Should I get everyone in their seats?
-That'd be amazing. -Okay. Okay.
Thank you.
Yeah.
For, you know, just thank you.
Uh, if I could have everybody's attention, please.
Nick is five minutes away,
so everyone should take their seats for the surprise.
Uh, I talked to Anne, kind of.
And you should know, she already…
She's not gonna be blindsided today, if that helps.
Oh, man, so… so all this…
Yeah.
-Because she's trying to… -I think so, yeah.
Must have been hard.
Well, whatever happened,
I think I would have been really bad at it.
No, you would have been nice. You would have said a hug somehow.
No, I would have fallen apart, I would've cried,
I would have thrown up and offered to buy her like a… a horse.
Oh God, poor Anne.
Promise me that we will keep talking
so that nobody feels like they have to pull any crazy shit
to keep the other one from running away.
I promise.
I can kind of promise anything because I'll be dead from giardia soon.
Shh! He's coming.
Surprise! We're renewing our vows!
I guess I should have brought more bagels!
Wow, hey, everybody.
Hey.
Hi, honey!
Oh! Oh.
If you would.
Claude.
Oh!
Hi.
Thank you.
I'm so glad you're all here today.
I was very honored when Anne asked me to sing.
Thank you.
You know, I wasn't at their first wedding, so when Danny and I got married,
I really wanted this to be my wedding song,
and he was like, "No, we can't steal that. That's Nick and Anne's."
So we had to choose another song, and…
But this one was always in my heart.
Mmm, yeah
Looks like we made it
Look how far we've come, my baby
We might have took the long way
We knew we'd get there someday
They said
"I bet they'll never make it"
But just look at us holding on
I'm sorry, that's not our wedding song.
But it's great, please keep going.
I am so sorry.
Please, I love you. Please.
You're still the one that I love
The only one I dream of
You're still the one I kiss good night
I'm so glad we made it
Look how far we've come, my baby
Yes!
Yeah. How lovely.
Well, we're here today to celebrate…
-Fantastic. -…Nick and Anne,
and their decision to boldly proclaim their love…
I am so sorry I massaged the truth to get the wedding song that I wanted.
I promise to work on my communication…
next week right after my surgery.
And we're getting those tattoos.
…but who can tell us that more than Nick and Anne?
Anne, you've got the floor.
Thank you, um, we're so lucky that you're all here today.
Dad, thank you.
Uh, in my original vows, I wrote a poem
where I rhymed "honeymoon" with "crab Rangoon,"
so I'm grateful for the do-over.
This'll be short and sweet.
Nick,
I love you.
Not every second of every day, because that's fake.
I love you bigger than that.
I love you in the fun times,
like when we went to Santorini
and you demanded that we watch Speed 2: Cruise Control in Greek.
I love you in the harder times.
Like when our daughter came way too early and you were really brave,
and you turned the NICU waiting room into your office for the next eight weeks.
I love that you're always surprising me,
whether it's you inexplicably getting into judo at 47…
or buying me the world's biggest kiln and installing it yourself,
even when the guy said it simply must be done by a professional.
I just love you.
And you annoy the hell out of me.
And I annoy the hell out of you too.
And I would be so honored to annoy the hell out of each other
in sickness and in health until death do us part.
Now, I had a smidge more time to prepare, so it's a little unfair, but…
Okay, honey, it's your turn.
Hmm.
Um…
Wow. Uh…
Annie…