Forget the protein powder. It's your brain that needs work.
How am I getting yelled at? It was Freddy using that girl for soccer practice.
-Did he score? -You shut your mouth!
You have to work with Freddy. You're stuck.
What did Karan say?
I still haven't talked to him.
Wow!
So you're heading to Goa
to rehearse for a film you probably won't have tomorrow.
There you go.
Every breath that you take You are my destiny
Ask the lover and you will
-Where is this mess going? -Not near you.
Dharma is not covering your airfare. You hear me?
Hey, I'm not hurting on cash. I got plenty.
Hey, if news spreads about this thing, then what?
Freddy cares even more about his image than you. It won't spread.
Bro?
What if you end up being the same as Jaraj Saxena?
Don't say stuff like that!
Listen, we'll… the Goa thing, let's just cancel it.
Excellent idea.
Then KJo will be a new enemy in addition,
and we can all go fight him together.
So she's basically saying
that you have to go through with this thing.
Hey, Subtitles. Are you done? Let's go, man. Got a flight.
-Yeah, fly this. All right, bro. -I'd try if you had anything there.
Just go.
Are you guys ready?
Because in my new film,
Karishma Talvar and Aasmaan Singh, the hot new couple,
will be paired opposite each other.
I'm not just making a love story.
There's also gonna be action.
In fact, breaking news,
this is Dharma Production's very first adult film. Okay?
The violence will be very violent.
And the romance, well, let's just say, it won't be for kids.
They look so hot together, sir.
Total power couple vibes.
Done.
Fuckin' number one
Like a phoenix I rise again
I can't stop, I'm in overdrive
I'll make the whole world say my name
No I have never felt more alive
I don't really care
What you say
The throne is mine
You've gotta kiss it goodbye
They say I'm bad I'll have to change my ways
But these habits of mine Will just never die
Here we go again
Ain't no way I'm done
The whole world in my hands
I'll be fuckin' number one
Yeah, I'll be fuckin' number one
You know I'm fuckin' number one
Ooh, la, la.
-Oh wow! -Wow!
-Welcome, sir. -Thank you.
Thank you.
-Sir, welcome. -You don't need to do that. Oh jeez.
Karishma. What's up?
What's up?
-Hey! -This is Parvaiz, my buddy.
-Hello! -Hi!
What it is! What's this?
Black alkaline water.
Shut up.
-Hey, yo, man. How's the weather up there? -Shut up, dickhead. So dumb.
Wait. Hey, so did you get to meet the intimacy coach?
Well, I've been waiting here all day, but I can't find him.
-I'll just call Karan. -Yeah, whatever.
Oh, sweetie.
Hi, Karishma. How are you?
Yes!
Thanks for taking my call, Karan. This is actually Jaraj Saxena.
What? What the fuck have you done with Karishma? I'll call the police!
No, no, please don't call the cops! This is just a spoofing device!
I can call using anyone's number!
I can be anyone!
Bro, you blocked my number,
so, you know, I thought I'd call you up and surprise you.
Fuck! How many times will I block this fucker's number?
Karan? Karan? Hello?
Piece of shit. Fucking idiot. I'll fuck you.
Karan?
Oh fuck!
Fuck, fuck. Sorry. Karishma.
Hi, it is you. Hi.
-Sorry, I thought it was somebody else. -Who?
Um, never mind.
Okay, Karan. We're all at the hotel, and the coach is nowhere to be found.
Oh, yeah. I forgot. Sorry, sorry.
No, the intimacy coach canceled.
He's going through a… divorce.
What? So should we come back?
No, no, no. I've got it sorted. I found a substitute.
He's waiting in the shack.
Okay, Karan. Thanks.
One sec. Karishma, is, uh, Aasmaan there?
-Aasmaan? -Hey, hey. Come on.
Karan.
Oh, it is?
-Uh, hi, sir. -Hi, Aasmaan.
So I hear you and Freddy had already signed
a three-film deal ahead of this shoot.
Is it… exclusive?
Uh, no, sir.
I mean, I spoke to him, and we've sorted it all out.
You're sure?
Yes, sir. I'm sure.
Not sure.
Hey, thanks for turning off that song, man.
My ears were bleeding like a fucking stuck pig.
Gotta take care of these bad boys, man.
That music, my granny wouldn't even listen to that shit.
Uncle, uncle! Uncle, uncle!
Coloring books. You want any?
Eh.
-Uncle, get a couple, huh? -I don't need it.
Uncle, I haven't eaten all day.
I'm poor. Come on.
I said I didn't want it. Now go on. Get outta here!
Go! Go!
Uncle, uncle!
Please buy some coloring books.
Child, please.
I lay down at your feet, and I beg of you!
I'm no good with coloring!
Stupid ass.
There isn't anything I'm good at.
Boy, I'll use my fist to color your face…
Havin' a bad day, right?
Now what do you want to sell me?
Well, nothing. Bought and sold.
Huh?
Forget it.
Avtar, right?
Hey, how do you know my name?
From that night at the success party. Aasmaan's uncle, right?
Oh, so you were there, huh?
Maybe, maybe not.
Jesus, I should've got the coloring books from the kid.
He left?
Forget about the substitute. I'll be your intimacy coach.
What? You can go and ask all the honeys out in Byculla.
-Intimacy is my love language. -Shut up, man.
What a dumbass.
-Crazy. -You know, Sukhi?
I bet this guy's a coach 'cause he doesn't get any.
-I bet he is. -You're late.
And bro, you're right.
Those who aren't getting any,
they do come… to coach.
So here I am.
At Karan's request, I left my family vacation to come.
Only for you guys. Hmm? So let's get started.
Really appreciate it, sir.
You'd better, Miss Talvar.
-Sir, Aasmaan. -Yeah, yeah. You can save that.
Anyway…
-And who's he? -Uh, sir, he's my friend. Pa… Parvaiz.
Okay.
All right! So--
With words or not
Your eyes speak volumes
Oh my love, oh my love
Oh my lady love
Okay. All right.
-Okay, I-- -They give solace
-On my way through the journey -Stop.
Of your love
Like safe shores As I pursue you loyally
Parvaiz.
I, uh, thank you for that.
-So now-- -My beloved
My heart stolen
In my dreams, I love only you
With each passing night you're closer My beloved one that I adore
And reason that I
Okay, that's enough. That's enough.
Chill.
-Anyone else here gonna sing to me? -No, sir.
You, Karishma? Or this guy?
No, sir.
Okay. Let's get serious now.
Listen carefully. I'm here to facilitate intimacy on-screen.
It may look simple enough, but it's difficult.
So to help you learn, I'm gonna give you some exercises.
The first thing you'll try, mirroring.
Mirror, mirror, on the wall.
I'm fucking handsome, fair, and tall.
Because the key to literally everything is knowing how to look at it.
Man, stop screwing with me and go screw yourself.
Who are you? What's your deal, huh?
Excuse me? Can we get a picture?
Fans!
Come on, girls. Smile!
Uncle, why are you in the picture? Take it of us, okay?
"Fans."
I was just joking. Just joking.
-Thanks. -Welcome.
Weirdo.
Don't we know that guy?
Hey, bro. Pass it.
-Yo! -Oh! What's happening?
Hey! Fatty! What's your problem, idiot?
Problem?
-Where did you get this song? -YouTube.
-Have you heard of that? -Oh, screw YouTube, you little shit stain.
This is my damn song!
You're DJ Adam?
Bullshit. There's no way this grandpa wrote that.
-DJ Adam, that disco-playing dick! -Relax, Uncle.
Don't yell.
You want a heart attack?
-Back off, man. -Whoa! Hey!
-Keep your hands off me, ass wipes! -No way!
Oh yeah? You gonna fight me, dinosaur?
Oh! So he wants to fight?
Yo, come on, Monty.
Yeah, cook his ass. Show this guy what a bitch he is, dog.
Monty! Monty! Monty!
Monty! Mon--
-Who are you? -Who am I?
Oh, brother.
Recognize me now? Jaraj Saxena.
Wanna play basketball, boys?
I don't know about you guys, but I'm not down for this.
Get outta here!
Go on, beat it!
Little shits.
How'd you do that, man?
Well, listen, Avtar.
To be in Bollywood, you gotta train every day.
Fifteen years. Never skipped a day.
-Ah! -Oh.
You never know. Your luck could always change.
Fifteen years. That's a lot.
You didn't quit?
No, Avtar, I didn't.
'Cause a loss is one thing.
Accepting defeat, for always?
That's another.
Right.
Where's Adam? Where are you hiding him, Sanya, huh?
Calm down, Avtar.
Oh-ho!
So you're part of this scam too, huh?
Tell me the truth. You are.
I was aware of this from the start.
You've got traitor written all over your little face.
Why are you waving that paper at me? You want me to hit you with my shoe?
It's a check. Your portion of the money.
Mm… Wait, this is my share?
That thumb drive you dropped on the floor? I passed it over to Adam.
He remixed your song and put it up on YouTube.
It's trending at number one in India along with your name.
Look. See?
Oh. It's my… my song.
I think you should team up and collaborate with each other.
Huh.
Adam!
You can come out now.
No. I don't want to.
Adam.
I refuse to work with this man. I just did this for you as a favor.
Hey, don't act like you're better, kid. I'm not trying to deal with you either.
Dude, who are you?
-You're old. You're irrelevant. -Oh, I am not old!
-No one cares. -Not old!
Guys!
Did you not say this was the best music you've ever worked on?
You really needed a chance.
This is it.
Yeah, I mean, your classical knowledge and your modern beats.
It's a great combination, guys.
Just shake, will you?
Adam, he's older.
Man, don't take anything else off.
Hey. Come on. What's the matter with your hand?
What's going on over there?
-Emraan's training with them, sir. -What?
Hashmi?
Yes, sir.
What kind of training?
Just feel it.
Just feel each other.
Feel the moment. Hmm? Let's try this.
Okay, let's go.
Your job is to perform the same action as your partner.
But to do that, you have to really sense each other.
No, no, no, no, no, guys!
I mean, it's not rocket science.
You have to be in sync.
You have to follow each other's actions.
You know, copy them. You have to mirror each other.
It's just, sir, there's a curtain between us.
-How are we-- -No, no, no, no. No excuses.
At least she has nepotism working for her.
Who put you in a movie?
You know what? I don't wanna hear it.
You guys are a waste of my time.
We're back again tomorrow, 6:00 a.m.,
and not a minute late.
Out! Out!
Out.
Hey, listen.
Come here.
Sir, me?
You're a fan, right?
-Sir. -I need one thing.
-My belove-- -Shut up, shut up, shut up.
-Just shut up. Enough. -Yes. Yes, sir.
Now listen…
Listen, wanna take a shortcut?
And those guys?
-What are you doing? -Oh my God.
-Tell her, man. -Give us another one. Come on.
Aasmaan, pass, pass, pass!
Go, go, go!
-Wait, is that your best? -That's what you did yesterday.
-I was trying to do what you did. -Next time, we'll get it.
Is this a fucking joke?
Oh, my belove…
Huh?
All these days, you've only done this exercise.
You're still not getting it!
Fucking idiots!
Sir, we're just tired.
Yes, because you don't have your service to do everything for you.
Experience what it's like to put in hard work, then you'll get it.
Whenever you're at your mansion, you're Ajay Talvar's daughter,
but not here.
Sir, actually, um, I'm the one to blame.
Oh, yeah? Well, you're both gonna pay for it!
What the hell, man?
Locking us out? Like we're school kids?
What the fuck is wrong with him?
How does this even help?
Complain to your father. Maybe he could help us.
Oh God.
What happened?
-Nothing. It's fine. -Here, just let me take a look.
Ay, please.
Wow, this isn't good.
Hang on. We only have one of those. Save it.
You should let me clean it. Otherwise, they'll need to amputate,
and you'll only have one leg at the premiere.
Heads up.
It's gonna burn.
Careful, it's almost done.
-Okay, that's it. That's it. -Huh?
Seriously.
After all this abuse, if the film still flops…
What are you gonna do?
This one time, my dad had six films flop, one after another,
and no one could do a thing.
Those were rough times.
It's not something that a regular person understands.
If you have a silver spoon…
…you just experience turmoil behind closed doors.
And you know, honestly…
…I don't think I'm strong enough to deal with that failure.
And so I have to succeed
for my sake.
Were your parents glad that you became an actor?
Uh, they were, I guess.
-Initially, Mummy wasn't excited. -She wasn't?
She once moved to Bombay as well.
She also wanted to be an actor.
But other than background dancing, she wasn't successful, really.
So she's afraid I'll fail.
And then, my father, well, that's different. Complete opposite.
So supportive, it's ridiculous.
So I have to succeed…
for Dad.
Sorry.
Mirroring?
Kids, that's my job.
Sir. What… what are you doing here?
Oh, you guys were the ones doing things. I was just watching from the sidelines.
But honestly, you guys were great.
Well, what do you mean, sir?
You know, intimacy.
It's not just physical, it's emotional as well.
I was being a bit of an asshole,
so that you two could bond together against me, and this was the real test.
Anyway, my work here is done.
All the best for the film.
-It was nice meeting you. Aasmaan. -Thank you, sir.
-Karishma.
Oh, uh…
Don't tell your dad about this.
No, sir.
Sukhi,
take care.
-Sir. -You're not gonna sing again?
No, sir. Not at all.
But I do have to say,
I've said it often.
And I'll say it till the day I die.
The entirety of Bollywood is one group,
and Emraan Hashmi is in a class of his very own.
I love you, sir.
Bye, sir.
My darling I want you more than anything
Zara Sa…
No, man.
Nope. Nah, I don't like it.
Dude, you're ancient. You don't know what you're talking about.
-Guys, one second, please. -Hey! I-- Huh?
Aasmaan.
I have some bad news.
Oh no. What's going on?
Freddy's hired the best lawyers to go after you.
Fuck.
So what now?
Now we're in a fucking mess.
We'll have to get some lawyers to represent us.
Please let me handle this, and just stay by your phone.
Okay.
-Water. -Have a nice day.
What an order, man. What an order.
So, uh…
Do you know a good lawyer?
You still haven't told Karan about the Freddy thing?
Just tell him. He'll sort it out.
But he's your uncle, not mine.
He's just gonna fire me. I know it.
Let's go, bro. It's our last day. Come on, homey. It's our last day in Goa.
What, fool?
-Hi, Karan. -Karishma, how's it going?
I've heard such good feedback about the two of you from Emraan.
Yeah, it went really well.
Actually, I called for something else.
Yeah, sure. Tell me.
Okay, guys. Don't get mad.
I talked to Karan, and he's gonna handle your problem with Freddy.
Good. Good girl.
-Very good. -Yeah.
What? Really?
When we get into Bombay, go to his office.
-Problem solved. -Office?
-His office isn't letting me in. -Why are you overreacting?
-Are you fucking serious right now? -Bro, are you crazy?
This chick is helping you out. She's saving your goddamn life right now!
No one's listening to my problem. Karan Johar's her uncle, not mine!
She's trying to help with that!
-She'll make him your friend too! -Just a second.
She's saving your ass!
Karishma?
Karishma, what's up?
Kar…
Oh shit! The bone's stuck!
Fish bone stuck in her throat! Squeeze her from behind!
-A… fish bone? -Hold her!
Hold her from behind and squeeze!
Squeeze her from the back! Yeah!
Thrust, man, yeah! Hold her tight, man! Make sure you hit it, like, pow!
Thrust!
Thrust, put your back into it!
Karishma cough! Cough, Karishma! Keep pushing, Aasmaan!
Karishma, cough! Thrust!
Squeeze her!
Oh, the bone!
-Fuck! Here, sit. -My God. That damn fish.
-Are you all right? -Sit, sit, sit. Sit, sit, sit. Sit.
-Fucking fish. -Here. Have a little water.
Very juicy.
Beautiful.
I love what you've done with the place, Anu.
It's nothing compared to yours, Dimple.
-Lallan, you can serve dinner. -Yes.
Has Karishma's flight landed?
It's delayed. Should get here soon.
-Sameer. -Hmm?
Why didn't you send the jet to get her?
Mr. Sinha, why indulge the kids so much?
Because he can afford to.
I'm hardly indulging them, Ajay.
Oh, that reminds me.
I wanted to give her something.
How is this necessary?
I can't get my girl a present after picking up such a huge role?
Of course.
The film, about that.
That kid Aasmaan is so good-looking, right?
Karishma and him are great together.
Mom!
On screen. On screen, baby.
You gonna be this jealous after you're married?
Good evening, ladies and gentlemen.
As you can see on your screens,
Aasmaan Singh is clearly seen here dry-humping a girl.
-Who's the lucky girl? -Can you guess who?
She's the hottest young star and the daughter of the biggest actor.
-Um, is… is that Karishma? -Any guesses?
No, no. Of course not.
It's Karishma Talvar!
Wait, that is Karishma! What the fuck? That's my girl!
K-Jo, what kind of movie you making here, man?
Kabhi Khushi Kabhi Hump?
It must be for rehearsals.
The media, well, it's a lot of nonsense.
You know that.
Yeah, it's that Photoshop thing.
Let me tell you, this is definitely not Photoshop.
I think she likes it.
Looks like Karishma's having a grand ole' time!
Mom, she's liking it.
I think she's liking it.
-Shut up! -Is she enjoying…
Why aren't you watching?
-Just stop it. -Where's the fucking remote?
Find it! What the fuck, Anu? The TV! Why is it still on?
Oh, I don't know.
Dad! I found the remote!
If I were Ajay Talvar, I wouldn't just cut off my nose,
I'd cut my beard off too. Guys, seriously.
Which brings me to the question, is Karishma Talvar cheating…
Anu, what is all this?
-Mom! -Will you stop it now?
This is all rubbish! This channel plays fake news.
It's my channel.
We have a channel?
Dad, where's my channel?
Uh, ma'am? Shall I serve dinner?
We'll be going.
Mom, do something!
If you don't shut up, I'll take away your…
Fuck me. Pink Ferrari.
You need to fix this.
-More dinners, Dad. -Shut up.
I'll fix it.
I'll fucking fix it.
-Don't do anything that-- -Mom.
What?
Can I marry Sameer instead?
Just shut up!
Please?
We can ally together, collaborate on many more investments.
-Sir. -One second.
And we'll discuss all this over a meal. Come, ma'am. Come, come.
Karishma's not here?
No, sir.
Then who will you hide behind today?
Sir, I… I had no idea that--
"I had no idea." Shut the fuck up!
Get your contract shit handled in the next 24 hours,
or you're out of the film.
-Sir. -One more thing?
Don't fuck with the movie mafia.
How are you, Lallan?
Sir and Madam are… are waiting outside.
Why is there a pink Ferrari outside?
Did Shaumik finally come out?
I let you out of my sight for just two days,
and this is what you do?
I've been waiting all night for this.
For what?
Is this what we've taught you?
US, London. We sent you all over the world to study,
and now you're out grinding with this Lajpat Nagar loser?
Mom, I wasn't grinding--
Stop lying right now.
-Mom, listen. -Listen to what? We all saw it.
Even the Sinhas! It's on the YouTube!
"The YouTube"?
Your career has hardly started.
-You're brand-new! -Can you hear me out?
And you're doing all this dirty public dry humping!
Stop it, Anu. I can't hear this anymore.
-And poor Sameer. -I know.
Did you see his face?
I know! I can't let hear disgusting shit--
Just stop!
I know your image always comes first,
but just in case you care, your daughter could have died.
I was choking!
-On what? -On a fish bone!
It was that small?
Shaumik.
By the way, he was saving my life.
It's called the Heimlich Maneuver.
Look it up.
"Heimlich Maneuver."
Sounds like a German blowjob.
It's your money, Dad.
Go to your fucking room right now.
I'm going out.
Still works.
Ma'am.
-Ma'am? Ma'am? -Why doesn't this kid ever answer? Yeah?
Sir. The AC's working. It's cooling just fine, sir.
Hmm. Thank you.
Ah, Aasmaan! What…
Can you explain this nasty stuff on social media
with you and your costar humping?
Mummy! I wasn't humping her in that video.
I saved her life, okay?
She's got plenty of protectors.
Don't try to be her hero.
Fine, yeah. Next time, I'll do it in private.
-Aasmaan! -Bye!
This is not a joke, Rajat.
Neeta, don't get so upset.
You know what I'm thinking?
Maybe I should try to save you.
Yeah?
Rajat!
Neeta. Come on, it'll only last a few minutes.
-Shut up. -Neeta, it's been so long. Neeta.
You gotta handle it. My time is up now, Sanya.
This contract is airtight, Aasmaan.
There's no other option.
If Freddy doesn't wanna change it,
there's nothing we can do.
I guess I will end up like
Jaraj Saxena.
Where are you going?
Massage day. You down?
Call everyone.
-I want him blacklisted from everywhere. -Yes, sir.
Forget movies.
-TikTok won't even have him. -Copy, sir.
Piece of shit.
Good one, sir. Good one.
I want a happy ending. Okay?
Yes, sir.
Yes, sir. Anything for you.
Not you!
Sorry, sir.
Look how shiny this fool is.
-Who the fuck are you? -Hey! How about I chop off your balls?
He talks, you listen, or you're dead, asshole. All right?
Then I'll take your little China doll.
Actually, I'm a Nepali doll.
-You're a fuckin' racist. -Where's security?
They're outside. Sleeping. Sign this.
Fucking shit.
No need to read it. Just sign it.
Tell him if he wants it signed,
if he has the balls,
to get in here and handle it.
Get that asshole!
-Yo, Abdul. What's he doing? -Hmm?
Wake him up.
Hey!
Milk skin. Sign this.
Sign it.
Shit.
Fucking swine.
Hmm?
What'd you call us?
Swan, boss. Um, you know, it's a bird kind of thing.
He said "swine," you ignorant loser.
-It's a pig. -Your dad's a pig, you fucking shithead.
No, to these rich guys,
swine is a fancy way of saying you're a pig.
Oh, yeah. And you know a lot about rich guys, don't you?
Screw you, asshole. I have eight apartments. Eight.
Then why do you live in a dorm, low-rent Lurch?
Whatever. You basically live in a hostel.
-My room is three times bigger, so… -Yeah?
-Whip it out. Let's see. -Come and get it.
Just lay this motherfucker out and get it over with!
-Come on. -Okay, I'm standing right here.
Let's go. Bro, are you kidding me?
-I'm right here, fool! -Shit, man. He's asking for it!
Fuck!
Just…
-Give me that. -Hey!
To sign, you douche with hair.
Okay, sign it, then.
Here.
You tell the police anything, we'll definitely be back to see you again.
Then we're all coming, and the happy ending is from you
from the mouth.
Bhai… you mean his mouth or our mouth?
His mouth, dumbass.
Sign it.
Baboons.
Baboon?
Fucking, fucking bastard.
It's no joke. I was attacked, Ajay.
If you were in my shoes now--
Then he'd still be stuck in my contract.
This is not my fault.
And this is not the launch I want for my daughter.
Ajay, would you please try to--
The deal was simple, Freddy.
If Karan does this film with Aasmaan in it,
then I'm not doing yours.
Don't do this, man. You can't.
My entire funding will get yanked.
If you don't do my movie,
my investor will pull out.
I'll lose my company.
My father's legacy, Ajay.
All his hard work. His last vestige.
Thirty fucking years, Ajay.
You can't do this to me, man.
But, Freddy…
…I just did.
He's still doing Karan's film.
I'll find another way.
What did Ajay say about it?
He's lost his fucking mind. m.