Wow. Thank you.
- Cappuccino time. - Wow.
I even did a little design in the foam there.
- Is it a penis? - It's a palm tree.
It really does look like a penis. There. There you go.
Okay, now I see.
- Now I... Yes. - Yes, I get why you said that.
It's a palm tree.
- For you. - It's delicious.
Thank you.
And honestly, it's very refreshing to be with someone so creative.
Well, thank you.
Holy shit. Speak of the devil.
This is... MK Ultra 4.
I have no idea. I was just flipping around...
No, this is my movie.
This is... You know, I made this movie.
- This is you. Wow. - Yeah.
I had no idea. So you directed this?
Sort of. I championed it.
I actually... I bought the spec script for the original MK Ultra.
It was, like, a low-budget spy thriller, but they made it into a whole franchise.
If that guy can blow up cars with his mind,
how come he can't just take all the bad guys' guns away?
In order to, like, really understand MK Ultra 4,
you have to have recently seen MK Ultra 2,
which actually, in our timeline, comes between MK Ultra 3 and MK Ultra 4.
Yeah, well, I've not actually seen any of them.
Are you kidding me?
- Wow. - Sorry.
No, it's fine.
I mean, they made 3.8 billion globally, but not everyone...
They kind of got past a lot of people, I think. Yeah.
Well, look, why don't we do like a, you know, a marathon next weekend?
We can watch all of them. How many are there?
- There's seven of them. - Okay.
That sounds fun. Give you a live audio commentary.
Give you all the dirt.
Hey, this might be a little short notice,
but are you busy tonight?
Why?
I have to go to this, you know, work thing.
It's, like, a super fancy-schmancy
Cedars-Sinai fundraising black-tie gala thing.
I mean, it's actually really fun,
even if it is for kid cancer.
And there will be a lot of booze.
I would hope, yeah, given the circumstances.
Look, if you can't, you can't. It's not a big deal.
- I don't need you to come or anything. - No, no. I can.
I'm gonna... I can move some stuff around. Yeah, I would love to go.
Thank you for inviting me.
Are you sure? 'Cause there will be a lot of doctor talk.
I love doc talk.
I've seen Patch Adams 12 times.
You're so funny.
- Thank you. - No, it's good.
It's really good.
You know, the doctors that I usually date,
they're a bunch of self-serious egomaniacs, but not you.
You don't take yourself seriously at all.
No, I really don't.
- No, and it's really good. - Yeah.
Thank you.
I'm looking forward to it.
Breaking news. Tonight, chaos has spread across the city.
Officials are advising to shelter in place.
This summer...
- You seeing anything? - No.
From the director of Her...
You smell that?
Oh, shit.
He's dropping trou.
We got this.
I got dooked!
Does this mean I'm gonna die?
We all gotta die sooner or later, buddy.
And you're dying sooner.
Duhpocalypse.
All right, y'all. We love it, but shit's wack up in here.
We got a trailer crisis.
Heartland theater owners are refusing to show this
because of the diarrhea explosion.
- What? - What?
Literally the funniest part of the trailer.
No, hold on.
This is a movie where zombies infect people with their diarrhea.
How the fuck else are we supposed to sell this, Maya?
- Hey, your tone, man. - Hold on now.
Are we losing the point of the film in the comedy?
We made a dark satire about medical disinformation,
- and I don't want that to get lost. - No, it's true.
It's a very deep and complex film,
but I want that diarrhea explosion in the trailer.
Okay, as long as you maintain my client's vision.
Okay, sure, but there's a real concern that the graphic depiction of diarrhea
will hurt the concession sales
- of brown liquids, i.e. Coca-Cola. - No. That's so stupid.
This is why I said we should've sold to streamers.
No testing, no theater owners.
- Leigh, don't be such a fucking agent. - Go blow me, Matt.
Horror and comedy play better in theaters, and this is a horror comedy.
- Okay, you are 1,000% right. - Yes.
- He's right. - It's true.
- I said that. - Okay, knowing my audience,
how about if we just lean into the whole zombie-shit aspect of it
and design soda cups with Zombie Dookie or Diet-rrhea Coke?
- That's it! - Oh, my God. You're a genius.
He's a fucking genius.
Okay, what if we have a shit-free theatrical trailer,
save the shitsplosion for the red band, call it a brown band.
No, that's a very good idea,
but honestly, I think we gotta lead with the shitsplosion.
When's the absolute hard-out deadline to ship this?
Absolute out the door, drop-dead, done, finito, 10:00 p.m. tonight.
Okay, here's what we're gonna do.
We're gonna tweak this joke, but we are not gonna cut it.
I'll ram it through with the theater owners.
- Thank you, everybody. - Thank you.
- All right, Matt. - Yes.
I really appreciate you having my back on this.
No problem. And just so you know, Johnny, this is a hill I will die on.
We are getting that shitsplosion.
- Thanks, buddy. - Yeah.
Shit.
- Can we order some fucking sushi? - No, I am so sick of sushi.
I have had SUGARFISH three times this week.
Hey. Are you fucking leaving?
Yes, I actually have a very important event I have to get to, unfortunately.
- What about the fucking trailer? - I have my phone.
Just text me new cuts as they come in, all right?
I'm sorry, what's more important than Duhpocalypse?
Just a charity event for Cedars-Sinai. I'm actually...
well, I'm dating a doctor who works there.
You're dating a doctor?
- I am, yeah. - What kind of doctor?
- Pediatric oncologist. How's that? - Fun.
- Yeah. - Impressive.
What do you and a doctor even talk about?
All sorts of smart shit, bitch. What the fuck is that supposed to mean?
- What do you talk about? - Okay, well, let me ask you this.
What does a pediatric oncologist do, Matt?
It's kid cancer. I don't like the connotation of any of this shit.
- I know all this stuff. - Right.
We're looking at cuts until the 10:00 p.m. deadline,
so are you sure you're gonna be able to sign off on them?
Yes. Luckily, she understands that what I do is very important,
and she really respects what I do, and she's very accommodating.
- So I'll have my phone on. - She sounds amazing.
- Please have your phone on. - We'll email you.
Look, I owe it to you to be completely transparent. This is a drug trial.
And while, obviously, the goal is to cure your daughter,
there is a risk that the trial will not work at all.
Okay, here's what we're gonna do.
We do not cut back to Josh after the shitsplosion.
You just stay on Knoxville. We don't see Josh covered in diarrhea.
No, look, it's an ethical dilemma for me. I mean, obviously, it's a...
it's a very, very hard choice for a parent.
So take some time and think about it...
Also, make the fart really wet-sounding. Really juice it, okay?
Great. Thanks.
Shit.
- Sorry, work thing. It's... - I know.
- Never ends, right? - No.
- Holy shit. Look, look. - What?
It's a plaque for all the movies they shot here.
Oppenheimer. Gigli. Fight Club though, that's cool.
I've heard of that one. Fight Club. Yes.
I haven't seen it, but I've heard of it.
You haven't seen Fight Club?
- No. - Oh, my God. That's crazy.
- We gotta add that to the list. - Oh, God. How many is it now?
It's like 47 movies or something like that.
- Forty-seven movies? - Yep.
That's probably more movies than I've seen in my entire life.
Better get started tonight then, huh?
Sarah.
- Hello. - Hi.
- These are friends. - Cool.
- This is Dr. Rebecca Chan-Sanders. - Hi, how's it going?
- Hello there. - This is Dr. Steve Chan.
- Hi, what's up? - Hi.
And this is Matt Remick.
Yes. Double MDs. Impressive couple, right?
Thank you very much. And I have to say, this is impressive.
- What? - Is that tailored?
- Yeah. - It's brown.
I mean, it's rust, kinda. If you need a good tailor, I could hook you up, man.
No. Mine's a rental.
You'd never know.
So, Steve is the CAR guy at Cedars.
Wow. That's awesome. I'm actually kind of a car guy myself.
I have a Aston Martin, a Fiat.
I just got a Studebaker from the '60s.
Sorry, no, no. CAR stands for "Chimeric Antigen Receptors"
for all those party people here.
Pardon us. Super nerd alert.
That actually sounds like a weapon from a sci-fi movie or something.
He is a breath of fresh air.
I know, right? He's not a doctor.
No, not at all.
This is actually a lot like a Hollywood party.
It's just, everyone's, like, a little bit smarter, you know?
- A little bit. - Yeah.
You're so funny.
You ever talk to an orthopedic surgeon?
Yeah, I've had deeper conversations with my pitching wedge.
Truly.
So, Matt, what is it that you do in the movies?
Matt is a Hollywood mogul.
Yes. He runs a movie studio.
- It's called Continental Studios. - Well, pardon me.
And what movies have you made?
Well, I championed the MK Ultra franchise.
The Lighthouse Keeper, Dumb Guys 1 and 2.
- That sounds fun. - I don't know.
It is actually really fun, but, you know,
like your jobs, I'm sure, it can be very stressful at times.
Sure.
I guess, in a way.
Yeah.
Let's see. There's...
Look, there's... Josh, June!
You're gonna love these guys.
- Hey. - Hey, Sarah.
- Hey. - Hi.
- Hi there. - And this must be Matt.
I'm Matt. Hi. A pleasure.
- Hey. How you doing? - How's it going?
Wow, your tux is so fancy.
Well, I don't know. It's just a normal tux, right?
Well, I got this one for my sister's wedding in 2003, and it still fits.
Cool. It's got tails, dude. I like that.
- Hey, drinks, anyone? - Yeah.
- Yes. - All right.
- This is so fun. - Hey.
Matt, you look like you golf, right?
No, I don't. But yeah.
Between that and fainting at the sight of blood,
- I'd be a shitty doctor, if anyone... - You're so missing out.
- On golf, not being a doctor. - Yeah.
Well, I'd love to hear your pitch on golf.
Yeah. Sell it to me. Give me your take, eh?
Okay, well, it's...
Definitely it's good exercise. You get fresh air, Zen.
You can't perfect it, you know? It's an exquisite struggle.
Yeah, it's exhilarating at times and frustrating at times.
- It's like life. - There you go. It sounds fun.
I'd like to try it.
So I assume you watched Entourage religiously.
Or was it, like, too close to home to enjoy?
Entourage was a show beloved by millions.
I actually saw a horror movie you would all love.
It's set in a hospital. Ari Aster directed it.
- Don't know him. - He's amazing.
- Anyway. Cheers. Yeah. - Cheers.
Honestly, I don't think we have been to the movies since Barbenheimer.
That was years ago.
We stopped going to the movies ever since COVID.
We stream everything now.
Well, you should come back. We'd love to have you.
Well, tell that to my crazy husband.
- He bought a 77-inch TV. - That's right.
- Wow, 77. - Confession, I love it too.
- Yeah. You do. - Real Housewives.
I'd wager it is better than any movie theater.
I don't know. IMAX screen is 79 feet,
so, you know, maybe a little bit better, right?
- That's true. - Yeah.
Oh, sh... I'm s... I have to take this.
- I'm so sorry. Sorry. - No, it's fine. It's okay. Don't worry.
- Hello? Give me an update. - I'm here with Johnny.
We have a version here where we still see the shit,
but it's so quick it's almost subliminal.
- "Buttliminal." - Okay.
- Just send it when it's ready. - What's he laughing at?
- What is it? What's so funny? - It's important work stuff.
Speaking of work, I just saw the images of the Ramirez kid.
- What a nightmare. - Yeah.
I don't even know. It's not good.
- Not at all good. - I'm so sorry, Sarah. It's a rough break.
- Yeah. - It's awful.
You know, it's tough when, you know, all the odds are stacked against you
and you just gotta keep showing up and keep a brave face.
I've been there, so...
What do you m... Wait, have you...
Are you saying you've had a serious illness that... I didn't--
No. No, no, no.
I've just had, like you all, very, very rough days at work, and it's brutal.
Yeah, sure.
But, no offense, Matt, but we... we have serious stakes to deal with.
Yeah, no. I have very, very serious stakes to deal with as well.
Oh, yeah.
- Yeah, well... - No, I'm sure you do.
Like, "How much should we charge for this extra-large popcorn?"
Right?
- It's a joke. - Yes, it's funny.
No, it's literally not at all what I do.
- I guess... Yes. I'm... - Very important.
I'm just saying we all have very high-pressure jobs. That's all I'm saying.
Yeah. Well, there's pressure and there's pressure. I mean, honestly,
I'm... I mean, I'm jealous of it.
We deal with life and death, and you...
I mean, you just deal with Rotten Tomatoes splats.
Yeah.
The Tomatometer has a big impact on box office, I won't lie.
And, for the record, you know, people die on movie sets all the time.
Is that something to brag about?
Yeah.
No. Not at all. I'm not... I would not brag about it.
I'm just saying,
you all care deeply about the outcome of your work,
just as I care deeply about the outcome of my art.
Wait, your art? You... Wait, don't you...
You work for the studios that make the... those MK Ultra movies, right?
The exploding head movies?
- Yeah. - That's... You think that's art?
- I do. - Come on.
Look, it's...
I'm sure it's a very well-made popcorn film,
- but it's not art art, right? - No. No.
- Yeah. Yeah. - Let's go find our seats.
It is art, for the record. All movies are art.
You don't get to pick which movies are art and which ones aren't
just 'cause you don't like 'em.
That's honestly, my favorite thing about art,
is that, as long as it is a pure expression of human emotion,
it is, by definition, "art."
What, so Picasso's Guernica and The Emoji Movie are both art?
- That's what you're saying? - Okay, is The Godfather not art?
- No, obviously The Godfather is art. - Well, there you go, right?
But they don't even make movies like that anymore.
- It's all superheroes and fighter pilots. - Yeah.
You want art, you watch TV.
Have you seen The Bear?
- Yes, chef. We love The Bear. - It's so good.
Okay, I'm gonna show you a screen grab from MK Ultra,
and I want you to look at this
and tell me that is not art.
"We used a take with no diarrhea in the mouth." What?
- What in God's name was that? - That's a work thing.
- Don't worry about that. - That sounds like real art to me.
If you must know,
that message is actually in regards to a very important satire we're making,
and you guys should find this interesting,
about medical disinformation in the social media age.
With diarrhea in the mouth?
Yes, we have very cleverly decided to use
the metaphor of zombies spreading their virus through projectile diarrhea.
So your very important satire, it's...
what, it's just poop jokes?
Well, you know what?
Art is meant to elicit a reaction,
and you're giving me the reaction of laughter,
just proving even further that it is art, you know?
Yeah, my reaction is that movie sounds fucking dumb.
Yeah? Why don't you tell that to Academy Award winner Spike Jonze?
- Who? - He directed the mo...
- Who is Spike Jonze? - All right, it doesn't matter.
Okay, yeah. No, he doesn't need to know who that is.
- Who cares? - Let's talk about something else.
- They keep bringing it up. - You know there's a lot of...
You know, I just have to take one more call.
- I'm sorry. Okay? Okay. - Okay.
I'll be right back.
- Hello. - Having fun with your doctors?
Yeah, honestly, no.
These people are a lot less sophisticated than I thought they would be.
They don't even know who Spike Jonze is.
- Check your phone. - Yeah, one sec.
Oh, my God.
Oh, God. Yes.
Yeah, send that for approval right now.
Going twice...
Sold for $5,000 to the handsome gentleman in the front. Well done, sir.
- Jack! - Yeah!
- He wanted that. He wanted it. - He did.
Yeah.
- You good? - I am good. You good?
- You okay? We good? We're good? - Yeah.
- Yeah, I think so. - Sorry about earlier.
- It was a little crazy. - Yeah.
- But I'm ready to have fun. - Great.
Not too much fun. I actually have an early morning.
I have a meeting with a playwright, actually, from London.
- Oh, really? - Yeah.
What plays did they write?
The Harry Potter plays.
Wow. Fancy.
Yeah.
Okay. This is us. This is it. We're up.
How high are you going?
We cap at 100K, and split evenly, that's 50K apiece. All right?
Though, I overheard Ricky and his buddies saying
that they're gonna tap out at, like, 80,000.
- Well, fuck them. We got this. - We got this.
- Yeah, we do. - What you're bidding on next is
a dream golf vacation in Ireland for four people
to the best golf course on earth, Royal County Down in Northern Ireland,
with number one ranked golfer Scottie Scheffler giving private lessons!
What an amazing opportunity this could be!
The bidding will start at 20,000.
- Do I hear a bid of 20? Anybody at 20? - 20,000!
- Hear a bid of 25? Anybody at 25? - 25,000!
Twenty-five! Hear a bid of 30?
Thirty. Hear a bid at 35, now 40. Forty, now 45.
Hear a bid at 45? Now 50. Need a bid at 50-- Now 55. Hear a bid at 60?
- Sixty! - 60,000!
Do I hear a bid of 65?
- Seventy! - Seventy! Hear a bid of 75?
- 75,000. - Fucking 80.
80,000!
- 85,000! - Honey! Slow down.
- No, I'm fine. - I know. You got this.
- We get really crazy at these things. - Oh, yeah. I know.
Nothing crazier than a bunch of men bidding on golf, right?
- Yeah. - Yeah.
- They're so scary, I can barely look. - I know, it's nuts.
Well, it's like you guys said, you lead a very high-stakes lifestyle.
- Are you still pissed off? - Okay.
- Can you just stop it? - I will.
You know, like, where's Fun Matt? I miss that guy.
You're right. I'll be Fun Matt from now on.
Eighty-five. 85,000. Need a bid of 90. Hear a bid of 90?
- Anybody at... 90! - Ninety!
- A bid of 92... five? Come on-- - 95,000!
- I'm scaring them off. I'm-- - 100!
Shit. Shit.
- 100,000! - Honey, you can do it.
Do it, do it.
- Fuck it, I can sell some investments. - Yes, you can.
One te... 110!
$110,000!
- Shit, you guys are crazy. - I know!
Suck it! Fucking Oncology in the hizzouse!
Look at 'em. They ain't got the stones.
- You did good. - We got it!
Going once, going twice,
and I have--
- $200,000! Yeah! - $200,000!
Do I hear anybody else at two... 210?
- Going once, going twice... - Wait, wait!
- Sold! - Oh, baby!
Yes! Yeah! You're welcome!
I hate cancer! I fucking hate it!
- Yeah! - Are you insane?
- 200? - What the fuck?
What? You want Fun Matt? That was fun. That was actually fun.
- That was great. - You're bidding against our table.
I mean, what's more important to you guys?
Do you want money for charity or do you wanna go play some golf?
And also, this is how the dynamic is, traditionally.
People in the arts, we fund your little science projects.
Here we go with the fucking arts again.
Okay, I'm sorry that you need people in the arts.
The Spielberg Pavilion, the Streisand Center
- for whatever the fuck she built. - You don't even like golf.
They sold me on it. They were incredibly convincing.
The pursuit of imperfection. Like life. Like art, actually.
- That's... Yeah, let's get a drink. - I need a drink.
Let's go get a drink. Anyone want a drink? I'm buying.
- God! - Honey, no, no.
Just keep it together.
Seriously, are you that butthurt about those guys
making fun of your little poop movie?
Are you seriously suggesting I just gave $200,000 to charity to be an asshole?
- Yes, that's exactly what you did. - That's not at all... No, it isn't.
I got swept up in the moment of the auction.
- Swept up? - Yes, it was a contagious energy.
- Excuse me. - I'm sorry,
I'd had no idea you were so very charitable and caring and...
I am, you know?
- Okay, well, if you are... - Yes.
...and you really don't care about golf,
then give the vacation to Steve and Josh.
That way you can look like a hero and maybe, just maybe,
go some way towards looking like less of an arsehole.
Well, you know, honestly,
I was really excited about the idea of playing golf in Scotland, but--
Ireland.
Even better. But I will seriously think about what you're saying.
- I'll consider it. - Okay.
You think fucking long and hard about it.
I believe in these advances, I really do.
But I just think that in the wrong hands, AI becomes a diagnostic crutch...
- Absolutely. - ...and... Hello.
Hello. I'd like to apologize to all of you, okay?
I'm really, genuinely sorry I outbid you in the auction.
And I would like to offer you the golf trip for free, okay?
- Well, that is very kind. - Really?
That is very kind.
And all I would ask for in exchange is for us all to agree
that what I do is as important as what you all do.
- And if we don't agree? - Wow.
Do you actually not agree at all? You don't agree at all?
Look, Matt, movies are important to you, and that is great for you.
But they are not as important as medicine.
Why does one have to be more important than the other? That's all I'm saying.
Why can't they be equally as important as each other?
'Cause they're not!
I'm sorry but if a parent has a child with cancer,
they bring them to Cedars, they don't take them to the Cinerama Dome.
Okay, okay. But once they get to Cedars,
what is on the wall of every single room?
- Heart monitor. - Lights?
A screen!
A television screen to watch movies on.
People need entertainment, art, whatever you wanna call it.
Look, you guys save lives,
- and I applaud you for that. Thank you. - Thank you.
But we, the artists, we make life worth living.
No, no. People like movies.
They don't need movies. They need doctors.
And if you don't see that, then you're fucking delusional.
You're a fucking dumb fuck, you know that?
Okay, don't call me a dumb fuck,
because you are perhaps the most boring man I've ever met in my life.
You are! You like golf.
- A boring sport made for boring people. - Hey! Listen--
- Lay off golf, will you? - What? I'm not gonna lay...
I will not be told to back off by a man dressed like Jiminy fucking Cricket, okay?
- You're a real piece of shit. - I'm a piece of shit?
Okay, well, let me tell you one thing. Of all the medical galas
that have graced the halls of the Wilshire Ebell Theatre,
what is the one plaque on the fountain about?
The movies that have been shot here. Gigli's on that motherfucker! Gigli!
Our worst films are getting more recognition
than all the medical galas
- that ever happened ever! - Enough. Come with me.
- What the fuck is your deal? - I don't have a deal.
I'm just, you know, realizing
that perhaps you don't have any respect for what I do,
and maybe I don't have any respect for what you do,
and we have one of those relationships where there's a healthy mutual disrespect
- for what one another does. - You don't respect curing cancer?
Oh, you cured cancer? I didn't read the headline.
Great, I can go get a pack of cigarettes, right?
Un-fucking-believable.
I have to make a quick phone call.
Excuse me.
Where are we at with the trailer?
Just got approval on the latest cut.
Great. Thank you. Great. We saved the shitsplosion.
Thank God. Shit, I'm sorry.
Fucking shit!
Fuck!
- You okay? - I'm fine.
You should sit. We should really get you checked out.
Okay, Jesus, you doctors all have God complexes.
- I'm fine, thank you. Okay? - Whoa.
God.
Oh, fuck.
Oh, no.
Oh, God. Oh, God.
Oh, no. Fuck! Oh, God.
What the--
If you've come back to apologize, you know what, don't bother.
It won't work.
What the fuck is... Why are you so sweaty?
You know what, I don't care. Just get out.
This is done. Just get out. Leave us.
- I was gonna leave anyway. Okay. - Jesus Christ. This is unbelievable.
- What? - I don't know. I've got no idea.
- I'm so sorry. - No, it's just embarrassing.
Fuck!
I called ahead. The hospital has a private room waiting.
And do you know what will be on the wall of that room when I get there?
A screen.
And you enjoy that screen, Matt.
Fucking shit!
You know, in order to fully appreciate MK Ultra 4,
you have to have seen MK Ultra 2,
which, technically, in the timeline, comes between MK Ultra 3 and MK Ultra 4.
Yeah, no shit. Michael Peña's a client.
The third one was the best.
The first one, solid. Second one, okay.
But MK Ultra 4 made me wanna stab my fucking eyes out.
At least it's an original franchise, I'll give you that.
Thanks.
- Are you free next Saturday? - No.
Okay.