[gentle music playing]
[Barbara] My name is Barbara Shirin Davidavicius.
Currently, we're in Kaunas, Lithuania,
which is the city that my mother grew up in.
Look at how beautiful she is.
So cute.
And right now, I'm sitting on the sofa that I always sleep on
whenever I come home to visit her.
This was always the main part of the garden.
Yeah.
And this is where my little butt cheeks used to sit.
Title, Barbara, take number one.
Action.
[contemplative music playing]
[Barbara] My mom calls me Babsi, Barborytė, Barbora in Lithuanian.
Yeah. That's how it was.
But my father gave me the name Shirin,
and I thought that name was much more interesting.
So that's why I started calling myself Shirin David.
Ah!
["GRWM" by Shirin David playing]
[lyrics in German]
♪ Get ready with me ♪
[Barbara] To me, Shirin represents this perfect, outward-facing persona,
and Barbara is… my innermost self.
It's like my legs are made of pudding.
[crying] It's just so disappointing.
-We have time, dress rehearsal. -You always do this. Please move.
This idea of Barbara versus Shirin or Barbara and Shirin is
at the heart of this documentary.
[gentle music playing]
What's Babsi like? What's Shirin like?
[mom] You're different from everybody else.
-Who says I look like a plastic Barbie? -Everyone does.
Who, though?
-Just look at you! -Give me names!
[both laugh]
Thank you.
I usually don't have any privacy.
But when your private life goes well… Shut up!
…that means neglecting opportunities that other people dream of.
What choice do you make?
MUNICH DRESS REHEARSAL, BAMBI AWARDS 2024
[gentle music fades out]
[indistinct chatter]
God, I'm so stressed out.
Please let the stage be big enough. Please.
[mysterious music playing]
[Barbara] What time is it?
[sighs]
Hello! Hello!
[woman] Okay.
Hey, Gloria. Could you tell Alex we're ready?
-[Gloria] Yeah, I'm on it. -Perfect, thank you.
[Barbara] The next thing for me is performing at the Bambi Awards,
where I'll be receiving this year's Music National Award.
So that's crazy.
[man] Dress rehearsal's starting. Everyone to positions.
[dance music playing]
Every goal that I've set for myself was something I've been able to achieve.
[cheering]
[Barbara] I was 19 years old when I uploaded my first YouTube video.
What's up you guys? It's me again, Shirin David! Welcome to my channel.
I was part of the generation that started those beauty tutorial videos.
[announcer] Shirin!
[Barbara] But secretly, I always knew I wanted to do more than YouTube.
Back then, I wanted a number one single,
and now I have seven.
Shirin was the first German artist who managed to make the jump
from YouTube to mainstream musician.
["Be a Hoe/Break a Hoe" playing]
[lyrics in German]
I had to fight with everyone to be able to rap.
Nobody thought I could do it.
[lyrics in German]
Like she says, "No man in this world will make you a star."
She had the vision,
but she also had the drive to make herself a star.
And that opened doors for other women.
[lyrics in German]
It's so awesome to be a woman in rap. I love it.
But the thrill you get from performing live just hits different.
["Bauch Beine Po" playing]
[Barbara] I think the work that went into that first tour,
it was probably the most intense thing I've ever worked on
in my professional career.
[lyrics in German]
And it was completely unsatisfying.
I'm so ashamed. How long have they been waiting?
And I thought, "Oh my God, I can't leave it like that."
"I need to do another tour so everyone can see what I'm capable of."
♪ Push it, Tiger ♪
So right now, the big plan for this upcoming year
is to release the album, and then I'll go on tour.
5 MONTHS TO THE 2025 ARENA TOUR
♪ I get in the Rangie ♪
[in German] ♪ With Carmen Tina, and Angie ♪
♪ For breakfast we got champagnie At Bottegie Venetie ♪
[Barbara in English] Every performance I do is a rehearsal for my tour.
In order to get to that superstar level of performance,
I need to deliver an incredible show.
That's the expectation.
Ah, no one has the monitor?
-Oh, yes. -Taban? The monitor?
-[woman] Here we go. -Great, thank you.
Okay, let's… Okay, sorry.
I don't know where to start with all of the shadow.
Yeah…
[singing in German]
Why do we look like this?
Sorry, you can keep watching.
People confuse being detail-oriented with having an attitude.
We spent three hours making all these corrections,
just for it to look worse than it did yesterday?
[sarcastically] Wow. What an achievement.
This is the last time.
I'm never listening to anyone again. For real.
Details, that's what really elevates a show, you know?
Every angle, every lighting change…
I can't afford to make mistakes.
That's how my mother raised me. That's how I grew up.
Everything I want in life is something I have to work hard to achieve.
There's no way around it.
You need to count your steps, "Clack, clack, clack."
You missed one just now.
Thanks, mom, but we changed it yesterday.
-Ah! -It's my first time hearing it too.
I see.
[Barbara] My mother is a creative force above everything else.
Your foot was turned too far in last time.
[Barbara] Other than my own opinion, I value hers the most.
If my mom says it's good, then I know it's good.
If she says, "I thought it was cooler before,"
I trust that she's right.
And if she doesn't say anything, then I know she thinks it's crap.
-[Barbara] Take a picture. -You should stand.
-Could you do that for me? -Okay.
-Perfect. -Just remember, "Clack, clack."
Erika, take one.
[producer] What's this documentary about?
ERIKA DAVIDAVICIUS BARBARA'S MOTHER
Barborytė… from Lithuania… Dot, dot, dot… [laughs]
[tense orchestral music playing]
[Erika] I saved every cent for my daughters' education and music lessons.
[Barbara] My sister and I attended the Youth Opera Academy
and Russian ballet school 'cause one ballet school wasn't enough.
I'm Pati, and I'm Shirin's sister.
I would say that our mother did pressure us, at least a little bit,
when it came to studying musical instruments.
I pushed them to do a lot of different things.
At least, as far as I could.
[Pati] At one point we were learning to play the violin and then the oboe.
It was extreme, to the point where you had to ask yourself,
"Is all this necessary?"
Afternoon classes, six days a week. It was like a horror movie.
But the thought behind all of it was "I want you to have every opportunity
so then you get to choose what you like best."
My mother never really set any limits for me.
At least, in terms of my dreams and what I could do with my life.
All right, this is the last rehearsal.
So go out there and do a good job, all right?
-Do you think I need to straighten a bit? -You'll be fine. No.
Honestly, nothing seemed off to me from here.
Okay.
The only inconsistency I noticed was at the start when you came in.
[Barbara] Can you show me?
Right here. But even then, your leg was turned a lot less this last time.
-Same place as before. -[Barbara] Right.
"You see that?"
[Barbara] At the end of the day, my obsession with my work,
is why I can do this.
Okay, the lighting's wrong again.
I think every artist is like that.
I have a very clear vision of who I am in an external sense.
["Lieben Wir" playing]
♪ Shake it off ♪
[lyrics in German]
I'm not sure what I'm like in private.
So I just focus on that external perfect Shirin.
[lyrics in German]
[chuckles]
What should I say? Master Interviewer Taban, take one?
[lyrics in German]
♪ So that booty is nice ♪
[lyrics in German]
I think this documentary will be about Barbara,
but it'll be about the Barbara who created Shirin David,
a woman who, from the outside, appears untouchable,
but who's actually emotional and vulnerable and very, very human.
[Barbara] Taban?
Every time I'm up here, I get afraid again…
-[Taban] About what? -Of falling or… slipping.
It makes me nervous.
So let's say you fall down. What's the worst thing that could happen?
[Barbara] Well, if I fall, I'll get hurt, right?
Viral moment on TikTok.
Awesome, Taban. Keep up the jokes at my expense.
Let's try the other shoes. Maybe that's it. I don't know.
It might be the height. I'm not sure.
I mean, it's probably all in my head, but something's just…
I don't know what it is.
It's like my legs are made of pudding.
And it's not like I haven't done it a hundred times in the studio.
But it's just the second I step on stage, I just… I don't know.
Hey, you gotta let go of that.
Let go of that fear.
[Barbara] Since I can remember, I've always wanted to be on stage.
You can do it 'cause there's nothing you can't do.
I didn't wanna get off.
I just wanted to stand there all day, by myself, all eyes on me.
It's kind of hard to explain, but being on stage felt like coming home.
Of course, standing up there always makes you a little anxious,
but it was more joyful 'cause I was anxious to start.
The anxiety is new.
And I started to get anxiety
when I started performing live.
This is your dream.
Haven't you always wanted to stand alone on-stage
and perform in front of all these people?
So what's changed?
SHE CAN'T MOVE AT ALL, DUDE WHAT IS THIS?
JUST WATCHING MAKES ME CRINGE
LET'S TOTALLY CANCEL HER
Okay, I feel like we're close now.
IT'S ALL FAKE!
AM I THE ONLY ONE WHO SEES THE DEVIL IN HER?
WHY DOESN'T SOMEONE PUSH HER DOWN THE STAIRS
Right.
So you're saying, let's do, "Ah! Ah!" once after that?
[woman] Okay.
[Barbara] I think most modern artists… well, artists in general
tend to identify as outsiders.
People who've been bullied and ignored and excluded by others.
And I'm no exception.
Something's wrong today.
-[Erika] Do you want a drink? -No, I don't want to!
[Barbara] I had a hard time in school.
I was never one of the popular kids growing up,
and… I always felt like an outsider.
I thought there was something wrong with me.
Back in fifth and sixth grade,
there was a group about me on Schüler-VZ called the "I Hate Barbara" group.
CREATE NEW GROUP
That was intense.
CREATE GROUP
When you see that, it feels like someone's ripping your heart out.
It's just the worst possible feeling in the world.
So in the beginning, when I was making those first YouTube videos and songs,
I had this thought, like, "Just you wait."
"I'll show you jerks what I'm really made of."
-♪ Oh, oh ♪ -♪ Oh my God ♪
-[lyrics in German] -[laughs] ♪ Whoo! ♪
Hey guys! What's up? My name's Shirin David!
Welcome, laba diena, salaam alaikum to my channel.
That's the satisfying part,
to say, "Let me show you who I am."
"Let me show you all how great and awesome I can be
because you all used to pick on me."
Studio room, Hollywood. Ah!
[cheering]
[Barbara] YouTube allowed me to show the ideal version of myself to the world.
It's a beautiful day. And that's exactly when the problems start.
What's up, Berlin? How we doin' today?
Maybe you had a bad day at school.
But when you get home and open your laptop,
you see this person who seems like they could be your best friend,
and they're talking about all the things that are on your mind.
We're headed to your school, so see you soon.
And I think that kind of content brought comfort to a lot of people
because they got to feel like they were cool and normal.
[cheering]
NOTHING TRIGGERS ME LIKE HER FUCKING FACE
The first few videos brought the first wave of hate comments.
"Why do you look like that?" "Why are your extensions long?"
"Why are your nails long?"
But there were also lots of lovely comments.
MORE BEAUTIFUL EVERY TIME
"You're so cool." "I wanna be just like you."
"Can we please be friends?"
And, obviously, I started to read them all.
Seeing your comments, seeing that you're following me,
I just wanna hold you guys even closer to my heart.
Seeing the numbers grow bigger and bigger, it gives you the sense that you're
very, very loved.
I think that's been the best part of my life, by far.
Yeah.
[singing in German]
[dance music playing on phone]
I love live shows. I just love…
I love them. I love seeing them.
That's what excites me so much.
I wanna see crazy choreography,
with the hair and the cool outfits and the makeup.
I wanna see a look.
So I feel like, "Why should I win the Bambi Award for music,
if I can't give everyone a perfect performance at least… one time?"
You'll never be happy with that mindset.
-Ever. -It's just so weird…
[Taban] So what's the reason? Why are you doing this?
So that I can think, "Wow, that was a great performance."
I know, but just because you see your mistakes doesn't mean everyone can.
-[Barbara] Right-- -For everyone else, it's a millisecond.
And they're thinking, "Oh my God!"
They're so blown away by the sick performance
they don't see the mistake.
-[Barbara] Right. -So you always gotta smile, right?
Say, "Hey!" You gotta be confident no matter what.
But I can't. I don't wanna hear, "Oh, that was a good performance."
Or, "Oh, that was okay." Or whatever.
[Taban] You can see that you have seven number-one singles…
Yeah, but no one cares.
[Taban] But they do! That's why you're getting the Bambi!
That's the whole reason.
You're getting the Bambi 'cause people care about your music.
That's why I need you to stop overthinking everything.
I'm already thinking about tomorrow like,
"Oh, shit, the Bambis are tomorrow. Shit, man, shit."
That puts me in a bad mood.
Which is the worst way I could go into tomorrow.
It's like I told you back in 2017,
"Live performances with you will be hell
because you're never gonna walk off the stage and say,
"That was awesome.'"
It's like the world ends after every performance.
I swear, you're making me not want to put you on stage.
[laughs]
[Taban] I don't even wanna be at the Bambi Awards tomorrow.
[hip-hop music playing]
[Taban] I met her when she was pretty young.
But she had a vision, and she was ready to take that next step in music.
That was in 2015.
[Barbara] I'm a rapper because I love to rap.
I like that it combines my aggression, my self-confidence, and my persona.
"Goodwife's Guide." Yeah, that's the coolest one.
Trying to become the rapper I wanted to be,
my God, the amount of discussions I had with people.
Nobody wanted to listen to a woman rap.
[in German] ♪ Why you getting upset? Calm down ♪
♪ Go out looking like a slut You shouldn't be surprised ♪
♪ When I shout, "Yo, gimme a smile…" ♪
[in English] If you wanna see results,
you have to make the decision to put yourself out there and take risks.
Well, that's the thing about the music industry.
You gotta hit the target on your first shot.
["Gib ihm" playing]
And then came "Gib ihm."
And as soon as I recorded that, I just knew.
I thought, "This is my hit." Yeah. Shirin David.
[laughs]
[lyrics in German]
I had no contract. Nothing was signed.
I spent a 150,000 on that music video.
And it just took off.
[lyrics in German]
The beat starts, she starts rapping.
And as soon as I heard her, that was it.
I said to myself, "She's the next superstar."
♪ Give it to him, give it to him Baby, give it to him ♪
♪ Give it to him, baby, give it to him ♪
♪ Give it to him, give it to him Baby, give it to him ♪
My first Bambi was the Shooting Star Award in 2019,
which I received for successfully transitioning
from a YouTuber to a musician.
Thank you so much for your support. Without you…
But deep down, I just really wanted a Bambi music award.
MUNICH BAMBI AWARD CEREMONY 2024
The Bambi Awards are today. I've decided that, no matter what happens,
I won't let myself get upset.
Obviously, that wasn't the case this morning,
but we still have the rest of the day.
At home, I'm the most confident person in the world.
When it's just me in front of my mirror,
oh my God, I'm the hottest bitch in the world. [chuckles]
But as soon as there's other people around,
I worry that… they're going to laugh at me.
And I start to get insecure.
You have to learn to let that go.
-You never used to deal with that. -Yeah, I know.
But then I'm up there,
and I see the presenter who spent the past four years
writing hate comments about me.
It's one man. One crazy person out of a thousand.
-I know, Mom. -Well, there you go.
-But those words can still impact me. -You shouldn't read them.
I feel out of place. I sit there, but that's the thing.
Even if I'm sitting among them,
I still feel like I'm an outsider, you know?
[Erika] Why do you feel like that?
Because they always treat me like a clown.
They look at me and say, "Sure, she's a musician,
but why don't we talk about how she looks?"
FLASHBACK BAMBI AWARDS 2019
[presenter] Next Category, Shooting Star.
Earlier today, I had some people come up and ask me,
"What do you think about Shirin David?"
Whether I thought she looked manufactured, whether or not she looked fake.
We're always talking about girl power,
but then a girl comes along who's doing her own thing,
looking the way that she wants to look,
and we've got nothing better to do than say, "Her hair's too big."
"She wears too much makeup. Her lashes are too long."
"Her shoes are too high…"
[Barbara] What bothered me about her speech was
that it felt like my music was irrelevant.
All anyone had to say was, "She is the fakest person in the world,
and here's your Bambi."
Every time I show up to these events, I always feel like an alien.
That's why I'm uncomfortable.
Look, when you show up, lots of people stare. Maybe 50%, maybe 70.
It's never quite 100.
But people have always been staring at you.
Even when you were younger, when you were 12,
old people, young people…
And it's because you have this rare, natural charisma.
You're different from everybody else.
That's why they're always watching you. That's why they talk.
Yeah, but that's kind of sad, isn't it?
-[Erika] Babsilein, cheer up a little. -Honestly, I just wanna go to bed.
[Erika] Yeah, okay.
And I'm late too, so…
[Erika] Thanks for the chat.
[teacher speaking in German]
Well, I just met Lang Lang. Just now in the bathroom.
[all laughing]
Shirin, we're in the back, right?
Was he standing outside or…
-Yeah, he was standing out front just now. -We just met him outside.
I was just walking out of the bathroom,
and of course, my robe got caught in the stall door. His stall door.
It was very romantic. Just us in the bathroom.
And I turned to him and said,
"My mother would've liked it if I were more like you."
But I'm not.
[classical music playing]
Yeah!
[Erika] I wanted Babsi to graduate high school
and study veterinary medicine like she'd wanted.
[classical music continues]
[rapping in German]
But when she started listening to rap,
to my artistic sensibilities, it was a catastrophe.
["90-60-111" playing]
[lyrics in German]
But it's her life, and I've accepted that.
It's really a matter of personal taste.
♪ Dirty white bitches Mercedes-Benz whippin' ♪
-♪ Ooh, candy paint Skittles ♪ -♪ Skittles ♪
♪ Alizé sippin' ♪
-[man] Can you get… get it up? -[woman] Yeah, I'll just make it…
When you're PMSing, it's overwhelming when you have so many people touching you.
You're just way more sensitive.
Now, when I'm ovulating, I'm like, "Yes, touch me. I love it."
But when you're PMSing, it's completely different
because you're so hyper-sensitive to everything.
Only a couple stitches in and yeah.
Yeah…
[Barbara] The friendships that I've maintained
are those with people I work with.
They're who I'm always in contact with and who I spend time with the most.
-Look at you! -[man] What a man!
But there aren't many people who still call me Babsi.
-[woman] Just up there. -[Taban] Can we unlock the car?
-Okay, watch out with the heels. -[Barbara] Yeah.
[Taban] Ready?
One, two…
[tense music playing]
[announcer] Bauch, Beine, Bambi!
And now, presenting this year's winner of the Music National Award, Shirin David!
Thank you so much.
Good evening.
The only reason I'm up here and receiving a Bambi tonight is because of my mother,
who drove me from one ballet class to the next
and has supported me ever since.
This Bambi is for you, Mama. So thank you.
[cheering]
Secondly, I'd like to take a moment
to thank my long-time business partner and agent, Taban.
Nobody has stood in my corner and fought for me as hard as you have,
which is why I want to ask you here, in front of everyone,
"Would you be willing to keep doing this for another ten years?"
[laughter]
[applause]
-♪ Do you want a body? ♪ -♪ Yeah ♪
♪ Then you've gotta push ♪
-♪ If you're a hottie ♪ -♪ Yeah ♪
♪ They will look ♪
♪ Hit the gym, get skinny ♪
♪ Make a show out of that ♪
♪ We are pretty in bikinis ♪
♪ That's belly, legs, bum ♪
♪ Breathe in ♪
♪ Breathe out ♪
♪ That's still not enough ♪
[in English] ♪ Push it deeper ♪
[music fades out]
[instrumental music playing]
[Taban] She pushed something away. It was towards the end.
She kicked something off.
It's like I said yesterday,
"Shirin will never be happy with any performance she does."
"It's never gonna happen."
[Barbara sniffles]
[exhales]
[Taban] The internet's going crazy.
I mean, look at these comments. "I love you, damn it!"
"That was your best performance ever!" "You're the best."
"You're an icon. You inspire us. Thank you."
It was an unbelievable performance. Everyone loved it.
[crying] It's just so disappointing every time.
[Taban] What's disappointing about it?
Every time I get up there, I think, "Okay, I'm getting better now. I can do this."
And then it just falls apart no matter what.
[cries]
I mean, it just looks like
I've only been practicing for two days.
I stop breathing. Right on "iced matcha," I'm stuck. I completely freeze,
and you can see it in my face. You can see it in my performance.
And then it's like everything spins and falls apart,
and I forget it all. It's like I lose my head.
-You're the only person who sees that. -What's wrong with me?
When I practice, I lock in.
But as soon as there's people there, I just… I need to go to therapy.
I need to do something. I mean, you can see it.
-You can see it in the wide shot. -[Taban] But nobody else can.
Everyone could see it was a half-assed performance.
Please don't lie to yourself.
So, why'd you put me on the spot back there?
I didn't even know what to say.
"Uh… uh…" [laughs]
I was like, "Wait, what did she say?"
-I can't tell you everything, Taban. -[Taban] You really caught me off guard.
-What were you thinking? -"I guess I'll laugh uncomfortably loud?"
-So you thought it was funny? -Yes, everyone thought it was funny.
-So it's all good. -I just thought, "Oh no, what's this?"
-"She hadn't said anything." -[Barbara laughs]
When you kicked your Swarovski bracelet, it landed in front of the Swarovskis.
[laughing]
Maybe they'll give you a new one.
[chuckles]
Shit…
♪ Well, it's been a long time, long time ♪
♪ Since I've seen you smile ♪
♪ And I'll gamble away my fright ♪
♪ And I'll gamble away my time ♪
♪ And in a year or a year or so ♪
♪ This will… ♪
I'm a hothead. Usually, I vent my frustration through my music
and on Taban.
But in the end, I always manage to pull myself together
because I know that I have a job to do.
SHIRIN DAVID IS GOING ON A BIG ARENA TOUR IN 2025
[cheering]
HOW DO YOU GET GOLDEN CIRCLE TICKETS?
[cheering]
I'M COMING!
[Barbara] Tours cost an insane amount of money.
SHIRIN, I EXPECT PRODUCTION AND KICK-ASS VISUALS
[Barbara] I mean, we're talking millions here.
Would you say we're turning a profit by making music?
If you didn't invest in your career as much,
then, yeah, we'd be able to turn a profit from making music.
[hip-hop music playing]
[grunts] Welcome in!
My music label GmbH is a break-even business.
So I'm constantly reinvesting in myself in order to keep my career up and running.
I first got money from YouTube, then through brand deals,
then through perfume sales.
[woman] It starts to add up to millions.
So she's got a range of things she can make money from.
[Barbara] Then you try to create your own brands,
especially if it's a product you love and believe in.
SHIRIN DAVID "DIRTEA" 20 MILLION PRE-ORDERS
FROM ICED TEA TO PERFUME: THE DAVID EMPIRE
SHIRIN'S NEXT MILLION-DOLLAR BUSINESS
The way our business system is set up means that she's the one
who has to approve everything.
That means nothing can happen independently of her.
But we've worked together for 7+ years, so she knows her stuff.
So, should we start by discussing that?
Because I think it'd be great if we developed an annual plan.
I have to be able to switch it on like that.
All right. Exactly. Hips!
You're not just an artist now.
You're in a meeting. You need to be confident.
Otherwise, you look like a crazy person who doesn't know what she's doing.
And it shows we're a brand that's evolving.
[clears throat]
[in German] ♪ Watch out, watch out I'm barfing in front of the nightclub ♪
♪ Don't blame me If your son copies that ♪
♪ My butt got bigger overnight Okay, that's true ♪
♪ But how is my ass Your kid's business? ♪
To this day, Shirin continues to grow.
She just gets bigger and bigger.
And every day I ask myself, "Hey, how far can this go?"
Shirin, I love you so much!
[Taban] But then I think,
"If we wanna go farther, we need to work that much harder."
[Barbara] You only get one chance at this,
so you need to seize every single opportunity.
[woman] Yeah! Yes!
4 MONTHS TO THE 2025 ARENA TOUR
[indistinct chatter]
[Amber] Hi, I'm Amber.
[Barbara] Nice to meet you! I'm Shirin! I'm so happy that you came here!
I'm so excited to do this with you! Let's go! Let's go, sis.
-[Amber] Are you Ozempic-ing? -[Barbara] No, I don't eat.
-[Amber] I love food. -Girl, me too! It's so bad.
My whole day is thinking about when I'm going to eat
and when I'm not going to eat. It's bad.
No, but you… you don't need it.
-Girl… -[Amber] You're good. You're good, sis.
Yeah, you're very good.
Yes! That's… It's so cute!
-♪ Get ready with me… ♪ -[Amber] Love. Yes. Perfect!
That's so cute.
Good! Love!
[in German] ♪ Mirror, mirror on the wall Who is the hottest in the land? ♪
[in English] I've always wanted to look cool and be sexy.
But whether it was wearing more or wearing less,
people always thought that I was a little extra.
["GRWM" continues in German]
[Amber] Good. Give me hair. Give me. Yes, yes, yes!
[Barbara] At this point, I don't care if I provoke people or not.
I really like going so over the top that people start asking,"Is she serious?"
"Or is she a caricature?"
♪ Get ready with me… ♪
[Amber] Perfect!
Feel free to come into the camera.
[Barbara] I get attention because of my looks,
and I've benefited a lot from that.
Every procedure that I've paid for has basically paid for itself.
[Amber] And go. Good.
[Barbara] I'm a part of the capitalist machine.
And while I financially benefit from it,
I also suffer because of it.
Your body is everything.
"GIB IHM! " - PLASTIC BARBIE SHIRIN DAVID
SHIRIN DAVID'S COSMETIC SURGERY: WHERE DID HER BIG BOOBS GO?
[Barbara] The media's coverage of me continues to be anything but neutral.
It's impossible for anyone to mention Shirin David
without also commenting about my appearance and my body.
IT'S PRETTY EXPENSIVE TO BE SHIRIN
[Barbara] It doesn't happen to men.
A STAR FOR TEN YEARS SHIRIN DAVID PRE COSMETIC SURGERY
[Barbara] The worst incident was when I was spotted in a hotel lobby
with no makeup on,
and some foreign photographer came up
and took a zoomed-in, close-up shot of my face.
And the headline read, "Shirin David's Two Faces."
Yeah, you're good.
[Amber] So hot…
[Barbara sighs]
I was so ashamed and embarrassed.
I thought, "Why do I wear so much makeup? How do I look without it?"
"And what do I have to change about myself so I look better without it?"
It just completely broke me.
The only thing I wanted was to always be perfect
at any given moment.
And that's stuck with me to this day.
[laughing]
That glow, the lightness, the laughter you could see in her videos,
that was Babsi.
But that version of her is gone because she forces herself to be Shirin.
We could make it more pink now that I see the color.
-Yes. -[woman] Yeah.
[Barbara] I question everything and everybody.
And I think I'm so on-edge
because of how careless and negligent people have treated me in the past.
[keyboard clacking]
TRICK YOURSELF SEXY!
DEAR BRAVO, THANKS FOR THIS AUTHENTIC COVER & FOR THE GREAT "COLLABORATION"
#NEVERAGAIN
All these disappointments have made her afraid of people.
Guys, let's give it up!
I've lived and dealt with these… waves of love and hate for 11 years now.
It's a form of self-defense to say,
"The only version of me you get to see
is the version that's been perfectly curated."
Going to the nail salon to get a manicure and pedicure,
that used to be a luxury.
But now it's a necessity.
BERLIN AIRPORT VIP LOUNGE
[Barbara] I've been waiting for a vacation, and now I get one.
[Taban] Too bad it's freezing cold.
[chuckles]
[Barbara] I'm really looking forward to seeing my mom.
When did you last see her?
Two weeks ago?
[chuckles]
[Barbara] She's different in Lithuania.
-[Taban] Mm-hmm? -[Barbara] She… feels more at ease there.
[Taban] Mmm.
-[Barbara] In Germany, she always seems… -Stressed out?
[Barbara] Yeah, it's like she keeps herself small,
but when she's in Lithuania, she's a ray of sunshine.
[pilot] We'll be taking off shortly, ladies and gentlemen.
So please sit back and enjoy your flight.
Next stop, Lithuania.
[Barbara] I don't feel like I'm German. I feel like I'm Lithuanian.
And I've felt like that for a while.
I feel like I can be myself in Lithuania.
I don't always feel that way when I'm at home with my family,
but I always feel like that here.
Of course, I still feel like an upgraded version of myself wherever I go,
but when I'm in Lithuania, I feel like Babsi again.
Vilnius! Ta-da!
Taban, your enthusiasm…
Come on, you could at least try to act more excited.
It looks like every other Eastern Bloc country.
Taban! You know that's not true.
[laughs]
-[Taban] Want me to drive? -She doesn't want another car.
I offered to get her a new one, but she refused.
-Hello! -Hello!
Jesus and Marry, I've missed you. I've been looking forward to this!
You're basically naked! Where's your big jacket?
I put it away. It's too bulky for the camera.
Hello. Hi. How are you?
-[Taban] Good, and you? -I'm good. Thanks. Doing all right.
Man, that sums up my entire childhood.
[Taban laughs]
[Barbara] I think the biggest challenge for me this year
is going to be figuring out how to work.
Like how to manage my time, you know?
Because I can't say yes to everyone. I really need a life.
I don't really have any friends or personal contacts outside of work.
And I don't really go out.
I just don't wanna spend the rest of my life working.
[Erika] Yeah…
I'm having a hard time listening to people.
[Erika] That's no way to live.
-You have to give something up. -[Barbara] I know, so…
KAUNAS, LITHUANIA
[Barbara] Wow. Nothing's changed, huh?
Ah.
When I think of summer, I think of here,
a six-week-long vacation in this city, in this house.
-[Erika] Okay, give me a second… -Okay! Welcome home!
This is the sound of summer.
[doorbell ringing]
[Pati] Yeah, it's great. It feels like home.
But when everyone else was going to Robinson Club Resorts,
we'd be in the Lithuanian woods, practicing the saxophone for six weeks.
-And here… -Room tour?
So this bathroom door right here, it didn't exist.
-Oh no? -It was never closed.
The door was open whether or not you were using the restroom.
Everyone came in and out as they pleased. That's just how it was.
Nobody cared.
"Pati, get out! I have to use the toilet!"
It was so disrespectful.
[Taban] Is there hot water?
Come on, Taban. Of course there is. We're not animals.
-How old is this? This was Pati's, right? -Yeah.
Here's a charming little car, a towel for Patricia.
-[Erika] And you had the elephant. -Yeah, but sadly, mine's not here.
[Erika] It's here somewhere.
-[Barbara] I'd love to-- -Here you go!
Barborytė's little elephant!
[Barbara] I was always the elephant,
-[Erika] Mmm. -[Barbara] And Pati was the mouse.
When I think of this house, I think of Pati.
There is nobody in the world who knows me as well as my sister knows me.
I feel the safest when I'm with her.
[Pati] If you lock up two teenagers in however many square meters
and say, "Okay, guys. Go on, now. Go have fun,"
how is that gonna end well?
-No! -No!
I think that Pati and I, in terms of appearance and overall personality,
are very, very different.
Pati's got this super dark sense of humor.
She's the funniest person I know.
And the thing about her I admire most of all is that,
unlike me, she doesn't care about what people think about her.
[in German] ♪ It has to be… ♪
I feel like she used to be very extroverted,
but now she's a lot more introverted,
which I think is normal when you're a public-facing figure.
And that's kind of where we took different paths.
[Barbara] Oh, look at that. Pati's graduation photo.
I mean…
[Taban] Where's yours?
[laughing]
My high school graduation photos? [gasps]
Oh, these are really old photos.
[child speaking Lithuanian]
[Barbara] My mother was very strict.
Thank you.
[Barbara] But she wasn't strict because she was a mean or controlling person.
She was strict with us because she was a single mother.
[speaking Lithuanian]
[Barbara] My sister and I were born less than a year apart from each other.
And when you're trying to raise two little girls on your own,
obviously you're really worried about them and their well-being.
You live in a foreign country. You don't have many people to talk to.
And… there was one time where we couldn't pay the electric bill,
and obviously they turned our power off.
And when we lost power, at that point, I just thought,
"What the hell?"
[Erika] I never felt like we were poor.
Maybe I didn't have money.
Maybe I couldn't afford an extra bread roll,
but I never felt like I was poor,
because I was fulfilled by the amount of culture in my life.
My life was full of music.
It was full of art, full of literature, and I could lean on that.
[indistinct chatter]
[Barbara] I had access to operas, books, everything.
But when I became a teenager, it just wasn't enough.
I wanted to be that independent, financially-strong boss bitch.
Someone who has control and runs everything.
[in German] ♪ I wake up Makeup is perfect ♪
♪ Quick breakfast upstairs at the Ritz ♪
♪ Then I quickly hit the studio ♪
♪ Besides that, I spend money ♪
[in English] ♪ And that's it ♪
And it's that sense of freedom.
It's the freedom that means the most to me.
"Another dessert?"
"Sure, we'll take another one."
Things like sitting at the front of the opera house.
♪ Ice, cash, money ♪
♪ Ice, cash, money… ♪
And the greatest part about all of this is,
I used to imagine what this life was like.
And now that it's my life that I get to live,
it's just… it's priceless.
[in German] ♪ Bitch, I make money ♪
[in English] ♪ Money, money ♪
[in German] ♪ Bitch, I make money ♪
[in English] ♪ Money, money… ♪
When I'd lay here at night and listen to the rain,
and I'd listen to my grandmother pacing back and fourth in the hallway,
that's when I started to dream.
The Shirin that I dreamed about,
was a dream that I created
because of Babsi.
This is the story of a little girl who dreamed very, very, very, very big,
and as she grew up, she proved to herself
that no dream was too big for her to dream.
[producer] Doesn't it sound melodramatic?
I think the only people who'd find that statement to be melodramatic
are the kind of people
who don't understand what might be possible.
It doesn't feel melodramatic if you experience it,
and I'm proof that you can.
-[Erika] Could you get that? -[Barbara] Want four more?
[Erika] Yes. Four, please.
-Do you want tea? -No.
-Raspberry tea? -No, thanks.
Wait a second, you add raspberry jam to tea?
-[Barbara] Mm-hmm. -Yeah, we like to drink it with jam.
-This house… has-- -Has seen it all?
Yes. God, this house has seen everything.
I don't have to be perfect here.
I don't have to look perfect or say anything perfect
or stand for anything perfect.
I don't have to rap perfectly.
I don't have to do anything.
-No, you don't. -[Erika] Not at all.
[Taban chuckles]
[girls] ♪ Silent night, holy night ♪
♪ Christ comes from the sky… ♪
[Barbara] It was always the three of us, my mother, sister, and I.
I mean, we basically grew up without a man in the house.
[speaking Lithuanian]
My mother knows my father better than I do.
And sometimes I'll do something, and she'll look at me and say,
"Ugh, you're just like your father."
[speaking Lithuanian]
[Erika] Now we can all eat together. Okay?
[in German] ♪ See photos of you As a soldier ♪
♪ But to me, you're not a fighter ♪
♪ You're the cause of Mama's pain And the tears of my sister ♪
♪ You should have stayed Even if your honor was stained ♪
♪ You changed three lives With your one decision… ♪
[in English] I remember him being warm and nice,
and I think that's why it hurts so much, because I just don't understand
why he left us.
[in German] ♪ I build my paradise also Without your stones ♪
♪ You never taught me to fly But I'm gliding ♪
♪ Become a part of the journey Or leave it ♪
♪ But let it be once and forever Whatever you decide on ♪
♪ Are you flying with me? ♪
♪ Are you flying with me? Are you flying with me? ♪
♪ Are you flying with me? ♪
[in English] I had a few more questions for him,
but I thought, "I'll get to it someday."
I think he was disappointed that I wrote that song.
But I wanted to talk to him about it.
So one night, I…
I got in my car and drove all the way to Hamburg
and stood outside his door.
It was 1:00 a.m., and I was afraid to ring the doorbell,
so I drove home.
And then he died a few months later.
So I wasn't able to resolve things. [sniffles]
[somber music playing]
[Barbara] I know one day I'm gonna wake up, like, in my late 50s,
and I'm gonna think, "Oh my God,
why didn't I spend more time with the people I love the most?"
And that scares me more than anything.
What else should I take?
Oh! The good slippers.
[Erika] Yeah.
I always bring my own pillow.
-[Erika] It helps. -[Barbara] Right?
I think he's gonna be right at home now that he's got his pillow buddy with him.
[Taban] Come on.
♪ Falling through my heart ♪
Taban, open your eyes.
[laughs]
♪ Flying wingless ♪
♪ Wondering what to do ♪
♪ Asking a future for you… ♪
[Barbara] It's getting more and more difficult for me to keep going as Shirin
since I haven't really invested in Babsi's time and care.
And I think I've reached the point where I wanna find a way to prioritize Babsi.
♪ Hoping you'll be part of the wind… ♪
How much longer do I wanna keep doing this?
To live without real, personal friendships?
Oh my God!
♪ Hoping you'll be part of the wind… ♪
[producer] How do you make friends in this kind of environment?
-From a personal level? -[producer] Mm-hmm.
I don't know.
♪ In loving you ♪
♪ Flying wingless ♪
♪ Wondering what to do ♪
♪ Hoping ♪
♪ You'll be part of the wind ♪
-[Erika] Do you smell that? -[Barbara] Yeah.
[Erika exhales]
[both inhale]
Nice.
[chuckles]
[both chuckling]
[Barbara] No, no, don't!
Well, at least you're walking better, Mama.
-[Erika] That's true. It's nice. -[Barbara] Your knee's all healed up now.
[rapping in German on phone]
[Barbara] This is my evening routine, everyone.
Staring at my phone until I get tired.
I'll watch my own story and my own feed ten times and think,
"Wow, I'm so hot."
And then I think, "That was so dumb. Why did you post that?"
Well, this is my relationship, here.
I'm putting you to bed now…
[kisses]
Good night.
Sleep tight.
Yep, that's the most romantic thing that'll ever happen to me.
[producer] What's your plan to make more space for Barbara?
Oof.
Honestly, I think the best thing I could do is not work for three months
and just sit here on this sofa… and do nothing.
And maybe I could stop overthinking for once.
3 WEEKS TO THE 2025 ARENA TOUR
[woman] Everybody got a mirror?
BERLIN ARENA TOUR DANCE REHEARSALS
["GRWM" playing]
[lyrics in German]
♪ Get ready with me ♪
[Barbara] I don't have much time before the tour starts.
I've got ten rehearsal days to learn fifteen routines.
FATOUMATA CAMARA CHOREOGRAPHER
-[Fatoumata] It's the opening. -Okay.
-It's you first with all the mirrors. -[Barbara] I'm alone for that long?
-Yeah. But it's not that long. -That's long!
That's three minutes.
-No, not even. The song is two minutes. -I swear, I thought… Okay.
[Fatoumata] Okay, let's get started. Here we go!
[Barbara] You walk into the dance studio
and work alongside these perfect professional dancers.
And here you are,
the only idiot in the room who doesn't know what they're doing,
who can't do a straight turn without wobbling over.
Okay, and now, we walk straight there on a diagonal.
-Four, five, six, seven… -[Barbara] A new dance every three hours.
I could catch my breath here.
[Fatoumata] Yeah.
Push around, up and down.
[Barbara] But I've learned that anything's possible,
as long as I get the support I need to do it.
And once I get through a really good dance session with Fatou,
I realize how much good it does for me and how inspiring it is.
[Fatoumata] And a yeah. And a move… now, front!
[Barbara] The women in my life are my biggest influence.
They're my creative foundation. All my songs are about femininity.
♪ No way, fuck shaming ♪
[in German] ♪ I don't outshine women In order to shine ♪
♪ Ugly bitches Like to belittle pretty bitches ♪
♪ But real bad bitches love bad bitches 'Cause I can… ♪
[in English] I used to compare myself to other women
when it came to getting male validation.
That's just how we're socialized.
Men are taught, "We're a team. We're a unit."
And women are taught, "Only one Barbie gets to be with Ken."
And ever since I let that go, I've stopped comparing myself.
[in German] ♪ Whether I'm allowed to? Yes, I am tough! ♪
♪ Whether I do it? Yes, I do it For real ♪
♪ Whether I have it? Yeah, I have The right ♪
♪ To do and not do whatever I want ♪
[in English] ♪ Ass out, Daisy Duck ♪
[in German] ♪ Nobody tells me What I'm allowed to do ♪
♪ Bad bitch, don't give a fuck ♪
♪ Baby, I'm interesting ♪
[in English] Strong themes, strong messages, sick beats.
["Lächel Doch Mal" playing]
Rap is all about the energy.
[lyrics in German]
[Barbara] Everything I showcase in those music videos,
the dancing, the rapping, and especially that sense of empowerment,
all of those elements have to come together on stage.
[Fatoumata] Good job.
♪ Da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da ♪
Okay and right… and down.
-Great! Like that. -Sorry.
[Fatoumata] And puff, and a… And kick, go again. And tap, hold.
You need to really go into her line there.
During "Tea is British"?
Or "Big bank acc"… Maybe…
It's just way too much…
[sighs]
-[Fatoumata] What's overwhelming you? -It's, like, in a general sense.
[Fatoumata] I get it. I know it's a lot. But let's try.
Let's work through it together.
-[Barbara] Yeah. -We'll start with blocks one and two.
-[Barbara] Okay, yeah. Mm-hmm. -And then we'll move on to three.
It's just that we did everything yesterday.
-[Fatoumata] Mm-hmm? -And it's all gone.
You just have to do it without a mirror.
-Then you'll get it. -I know, but it's just so much.
I know it is. I know.
I just can't get into the repetition of it.
-Like, I know we go back, but… -[Fatoumata] Mm-hmm.
It's… it's just a lot.
[Taban] The turning point was her first tour in 2023.
Up until then, everything she did was studio work.
She only performed what she created in studio.
She performed for the camera, not a live audience.
FLASHBACK FIRST ARENA TOUR 2023
[dance music playing]
And now we move forward.
I think the work that went into that first tour,
it was probably the most intense thing I've ever worked on in my life
and my entire professional career.
Lights up on backup.
I had four months to get myself from nothing, from zero,
to absolute perfection on stage.
We need to go again. Again. Cut.
Quick question, will they charge me to shoot the flames?
Yes, I mean, they charge for everything here.
[Barbara] Everyone on the internet kept saying that I wouldn't be able to rap
into the microphone.
They thought, "Sure, she's a successful rapper."
"She's got gold records and number one singles."
"But wait a minute, she's never actually been on tour."
And if you can't rap live, then they say, "I told you. She's just an influencer."
We talked about this. You're killing yourself here.
Don't do it. You have the key.
-How can I solve this by tomorrow? -We'll figure it out.
We've solved every other problem.
The pressure ate her up.
[Barbara] To go from zero people to 10,000 people is… insane.
[vocalizing]
-It's pure anxiety. -All right, to the stage!
[woman] Okay, press down, please.
[mysterious music playing]
[inaudible]
[Barbara] All I'm thinking is if my voice cracks…
It's all good. It's gonna be great.
[Taban] It was horrible. She just… drove herself crazy
and completely broke down.
It was like working with a zombie.
And the worst part was she lost her sense of enjoyment.
It was emotionally and mentally strenuous,
which is why I told Taban
and everyone around me
that, this time, I needed eight months to prepare.
That's when we had to start.
But of course, we didn't have the time, because you also have to keep
managing everything else.
15 WEEKS TO THE ARENA TOUR 2025
BERLIN MUSIC VIDEO SHOOT
[Taban] I think, more often than not, I fail to see
how I contribute to this machine that puts so much pressure on her.
But I know that the biggest problem is that I depend on her.
You just have to stay persistent, you know?
No matter how much you annoy her or how stressed she is,
we all know she'll regret it if--
[woman] …just do it anyway?
Then at least we have some kind of video.
Okay, can I just do my makeup?
[Taban] That's exactly what happened with "Bauch Beine Po." She…
We all depend on Shirin.
But I worry.
Will she want to go and promote this tour?
Will she even want to perform?
If this is the end, what do I do next?
Saying no to something feels like a betrayal.
"Are you really turning down this opportunity
just so little Babsi can have a day off?"
It just feels so dumb.
[chuckles]
[Taban] Hey, when you're done, I need to get a video
for Reel and TikTok where you say,
"Hey! We're on set for my new video."
"You can buy tour tickets at shirindavid.com."
The tour's a six-figure production.
If there's no advertising, how are we gonna finance it?
Have you posted anything? Have you talked to people?
'Cause right now, there's nothing.
-Taban, I swear. I'm trying to work on it. -I know that.
-I'm taking a break right now. -I know, but we're not reaching people.
And that's what I'm trying to explain to you.
-Why are you-- -[Barbara] I don't wanna do it anymore.
But it's part of the business.
-I know that's part of it. -That's why we have to--
But it's just so exhausting to look at, you know?
Look, I lost myself in all of that.
It was bad.
I couldn't go out for a while.
-I know. -And I don't want that to happen again.
-She thinks she's the shit. -All she's really doing is objectifying.
She's objectifying women.
She's nothing more than a piece of shit.
That woman sold her soul for a bunch of money.
Again, we see the body-shaming accusations.
How can you applaud her as a woman?
The bullying and backlash I received online got so bad,
I couldn't leave my house for nearly two years.
YOU LOOK LIKE A SHABBY PORN STAR
[Taban] The online hate made her really insecure.
But the reason people post that stuff online
is because they hide behind fake accounts and usernames.
THE WORLD DOESN'T NEED THIS (BOTOX ALIEN)
GERMANY'S BIGGEST EMBARRASSMENT
[Taban] To these people, she's not human. She's an object.
But almost everyone forgets that behind Shirin David
is Barbara Shirin Davidavicius, who's a real person.
[indistinct chatter]
[Erika] When I read the comments for the first time,
it took me three months to kind of process it. It was horrible.
IN OTHER COUNTRIES, YOU'D GET STONED
[Erika] We think a lot of things.
But to choose to express them,
to sit there and write and post them is sick.
AM I THE ONLY ONE WHO SEES THE DEVIL IN HER?
[Erika] And she'll say, "I don't care," but I don't believe her.
When Babsi suffers, I suffer with her.
Yes, of course.
You don't see the back.
I think that, before I start something like this,
I need to set aside some time to actually go to therapy
so I can handle it.
Of course, but for now, what do we do about the tour and the album?
Right now, you should make a call and find a therapist.
Just for you to say, "No, I don't trust him. I'm not going back"?
It says "therapy slot" right here.
Great. That's great for the future, but we need this now.
Then can you find me a therapist now?
-Taban, look-- -You don't have time to go right now.
I know, but I can do it on Zoom.
[Taban] Hey there, Jim. Do you know of any therapists for Shirin?
-A female therapist? -A female therapist? Ideally.
Preferably somebody who has an immigrant background.
Someone trustworthy. Do you know anyone?
I'll ask Hendrik too.
Believe me, it'll bring you some relief.
Thank God for that.
Rock, paper, scissors.
-[laughs] -[Barbara screams]
-Video announcement! -[Barbara chuckles]
I'll have Dung bring you the lights.
-Yeah. -[Taban] And face this direction.
Like this. And remember, not upside down, not 0.5.
Just be approachable. Please.
[Barbara] Okay.
Come on.
Leave me be.
Oh, that looks really good.
I'd love if she did Twitch next year
so she could react to these shitstorms.
[producer] What if she's done being an influencer?
I mean, musicians are influencers, whether they like it or not.
Hey guys, what's up?
Right now, I'm on the set of my next music video,
and today I'm gonna be taking you on a tour with me!
Three, two, one.
I'm here with the girls.
Hey! Looking cute!
[Barbara] When I was 24 until I was 26,
I was going through a really difficult time personally.
I mean,
I wore nothing but sweatpants all day.
I didn't wanna dress up or put on makeup.
It was torture to do a shoot.
It was torture to step outside my apartment.
And it hurt because I felt like I had to be ashamed of myself.
And I felt that way because of the internet.
You can't win against the internet.
[ethereal music playing]
[Taban] It's become hard for her to rationalize
that what people write, what they say online,
it doesn't reflect how they're gonna behave with you in a public setting.
And that's why I'm pushing so hard for this tour
because I want her to see the way people love her.
[woman] Pati too! Can I get a picture with both of you?
-[Barbara] Sure. -[woman] Thank you!
[man] What sauce would you like, ma'am?
[Pati] Everything with herbs, please.
-Enjoy your meal! -Have a good day!
-You too! -[Pati] Thank you!
[man] Is there anything else?
Can they do spicy?
Yeah. So two kebabs. Two chicken kebabs with everything. Right?
Do we want a box too?
[man] Two chicken kebabs, please.
When I'm around people I'm comfortable with, I'm more Babsi.
But when I'm out and in public, I act more like Shirin.
We ordered two, right?
-[man] One or two? -Two kebabs.
-This one's extra for us to share. -Great. Here you go.
[Pati and Barbara] Thank you!
[Barbara] If I'm somewhere where no one's watching, I might let myself go.
But even then, it's difficult for me to do.
Yeah, sure.
You look so pretty! Oh my God!
Seriously, like your eyebrows and your lashes!
-I love it! -Thank you!
-Can we get a photo? -Yeah, sure!
[Barbara] As soon as I go out, people start taking pictures.
And that means I'm no longer invisible. I'm no longer in my own world.
Wherever you go, there's gonna be someone who wants something from you.
And you need to get used to that sort of energy.
-[woman 2] Shirin! -Hi! How are you! You look so cute!
[man 2] Thank you!
[Barbara grunts]
[man 3] I swear! You're, like, so famous!
-[Barbara] Here you go! Take care. -[man 3] Thank you!
The price of a public existence is that there's nowhere to go
where you can be less than absolutely perfect.
It's like a… mini prison.
Here, I've got another bag. Here you go.
[Pati] Oh wow.
You're just like Mom. I swear to God.
No, I just wear designer clothes.
-Oh my God, it's so good with the onions. -[Barbara] Mm-hmm.
-That's your usual, right? -[Barbara] Mm-mm.
-I just took a huge bite there. -[Pati] Mm-hmm.
[Pati] On the one hand, you're under constant pressure to perform,
and because of that, you don't really get a break.
And at the same time, there's this constant pressure
for you to be perfect,
to be a perfect artist and performer and businesswoman
with a perfect appearance.
And when you're dealing with those things, you don't really have the opportunity to
let yourself breathe.
You really need that.
You need a realistic way to have more of a private life.
So yeah, here's our privacy. Cut the cameras.
[laughing]
But at the same time, I don't think it's good for anyone
to completely isolate themselves.
'Cause the longer you isolate, the more you lose touch with reality.
[Barbara] You know I'm really vulnerable when we're with Mom.
-Exactly. -[Barbara] Right.
But after the documentary comes out, everyone will recognize her too.
[Pati] You know what she'll say, right?
"You know, it hasn't been easy,
but I gave my daughters everything they needed."
[both laughing]
[Pati] Now, I don't wanna say you're a catastrophic thinker like mom,
but I do see the signs, right?
I could… Look, I really love my therapist.
-She's super flexible. -[Barbara] Shut up!
So you pay 200 euros to be alone in a room--
-130 euros for 50 minutes. -[Barbara] 130…
Shout out. I love her.
She was so excited to… Never mind.
[Barbara] I just know that whoever my therapist is,
that she… it's probably gonna be a she…
Whoever they are, I know they're gonna talk to their friends.
And they'll tell them everything, 100%.
The one time I actually saw a therapist, guess what he said?
This famous German actress had been a client of his.
And so I'm sitting in this 140-euro session, and I'm thinking…
[Pati] Mmm.
People don't know what it's like to be famous.
So you'd rather stop doing this?
[Barbara] Of course not.
You'd just stop, then?
It's more… I'm just scared to give up that control,
even though I really need to go.
[indistinct chatter]
[Pati] It's difficult enough to admit it to yourself
that you have to do this.
But that's what it takes.
It's like smoking.
You have to take that first step. Nobody can quit for you.
It's the kind of decision that you have to make for yourself.
8 WEEKS TO THE ARENA TOUR 2025
-[Barbara] Good morning. Hello. -[interviewer] Sit here, please.
[Barbara] Thanks. Taban, could you check the lighting, please?
[Barbara] That looks great,
but maybe we could shift the focus from the top of my head to my upper back?
That way, you don't see all those flyaway hairs.
OH MY GOD HER HAIR DISGUSTING
[interviewer] Well, Shirin, congrats on your new album, Smart but Blonde.
What's the story behind the title?
So, the album title was inspired by my guest appearance on
Thomas Gottschalk's show
because, as a woman in Germany,
it doesn't matter how smart you are, you're just a blonde.
So, did you'd ever think you'd be here one day?
Yeah.
Yeah?
I mean, the way he approached it was, "Oh, you're a blonde and all made up."
"I guess that means you can't have any other interests
outside of your appearance."
-I'd never guess you were an opera fan. -Why not?
Oh, I don't know, you know?
I'd never guess you were a feminist either.
What am I trying to say… Sorry, I'm groggy. I'm waking up.
All I'm trying to say is I think feminists can look good.
We can be smart and eloquent and beautiful all at the same time, right?
I'm smart, but alas, I happen to be blonde.
NOTHING MORE THAN PORN
[Barbara] Okay, could we actually turn off the overhead light?
This one here? It's just a little too…
[interviewer] Imagining a sold-out Munich Olympic stadium
and performing in front of all those people,
what's going through your mind?
[cheering]
[Barbara] On that first tour, I wanted to die.
But I feel more relaxed now.
I don't take things to heart anymore.
I promised myself that I'd enjoy this tour.
["90-60-111" playing]
[Fatoumata] ♪ Uh-uh And di-di-di-di, breathe in! ♪
THE TOUR WILL BE AWESOME
[Fatoumata] Breathe out!
Boom, and-a-back, line, line, line! Running, ba-ba-ba, ba-ba-ba!
[Gottschalk] I don't think I've really understood influencers.
-[Barbara] How about now? -No.
[audience laughs]
[tense music swells]
[deep inhale and exhale]
[automated voice] The person you are trying to reach is currently unavailable.
Please leave a message or try again later.
The number you have dialed is temporarily unavailable.
Please try again later.
[sighs]
[Taban] Shirin's unavailable at the moment.
I have tons of people reaching out and asking, "What's going on?"
"Is everything okay?"
But when I call, she doesn't answer.
She's always posted something on release day,
but she hasn't said anything. Not, "Hey, it's out!"
or "Go stream my album," nothing.
-[Barbara] Hey! -Hey! Happy release!
-Happy release day! -Thank you! Thank you.
-You're welcome. -Oh my God! How cool!
[Taban] Another gold record for the office.
[Barbara] Amazing.
[Taban] I wish I was sitting behind the camera right now
so she could sit and talk to you.
I'd love to hear her say, "Yeah! My album just came out, and I'm so, so happy!"
But… I haven't heard from her at all.
So…
it's a bit sad.
[waves flowing]
[curious music playing]
[exhales]
Time goes by…
I didn't have responsibilities back then.
The only thing I was responsible for was myself.
So beautiful.
[Barbara] And now I'm not only responsible for my family's wellbeing
and making sure they're financially stable,
but also for my staff's wellbeing.
I can't just say, "I'm not feeling it anymore."
Because Shirin has to keep going.
Nowadays, I wish I decided to call myself Barbara.
But both names are a part of me.
And right now, things are very out of balance.
And I hate it. I'm not happy.
Not at all.
So I really need to try and find a balance.
1 WEEK TO THE ARENA TOUR 2025
ANTWERP ARENA TOUR, FULL REHEARSALS
[Barbara over radio] Can Diego get the fans in position?
Uh, yeah. One second.
[Barbara] Up until the moment that we were flying to Antwerp,
I really believed that I was gonna have to cancel the tour.
We were just so behind on everything schedule-wise.
[Fatoumata over radio] Right leg first. Right.
What's the position? I don't understand.
[Barbara] Somehow, I had to try to make it work.
So I shortened the set list,
which is why so many songs got cut.
Yeah, in your line. In my line? Okay.
We need to be in one line.
Fuck this. The job needs to be done.
[singing in German]
[Fatoumata] I get that you want to test it
with the wig, but, um… yeah.
[Barbara chuckles]
Let's go up. Yeah, I'm holding.
[woman] Ready through the hold.
[Taban] Shirin, let's do it without the water.
I don't want you to get sick when we're three days out.
You're already worn down, so let's not risk it.
Can we just always have like ten seconds for the lip line?
-[woman] Yes. -[Barbara] If it's not working…
-Hello? -[Barbara] Mm-hmm?
-Like, okay, on top. Okay. -[woman] And how many seconds, guys?
-[man] None. -[woman] Nothing?
-Okay, fine. We're ready! -[man] All right.
[Taban] Again, let's do it without water.
That's not very supportive.
-I'm serious. -[woman] Let's go!
-I don't want you to get sick! -Are you kidding?
-We're three days away from opening. -Taban, I need to practice.
-But we still have-- -I don't…
Why are you always killing my vibe?
-We'll still have time. -You always do this.
Could you please move? Okay, I'm ready.
-[man] We're all set. -So with the rain?
-[Barbara] Yes. -We can do it in Cologne.
It makes no sense.
-What if we can't do Tuesday's show? -I'm going with the rain.
-[Taban] It's pointless. You're childish. -[Barbara] We're going with the rain.
[dance music playing]
[laughter]
I swear, it's like talking to a brick wall.
Oh, Taban, you're so overdramatic.
I mean, it's the highlight of the show.
If I don't have rain, then I can't slide on my knees.
The floor's gotta be wet.
I'm just taking care of myself. I'm not a child.
Oh yeah? Your mother sent me.
[laughs]
I think I wanted this tour…
I don't know what I'm saying. I've canceled this tour six times.
I think last January and February were the worst months of my life.
But I'm glad I'm here now.
I think it's good for me.
COLOGNE ARENA TOUR KICK-OFF
[Barbara] There's venues with 500 seats, then 2,000, 4,000, 8,000
and finally, there's the arena,
which is… insane.
[vocalizing]
You've got no time for yourself, no time to think about anything else.
It's just tour, tour, tour.
You get yourself in the zone. You're all ready to go.
I'll be on stage soon.
Man, I'm in so much pain. I'm gonna lay down for a sec.
[vocalizing]
[in German] ♪ The storm inside of me ♪
3 HOURS TO SHOWTIME
[tense music playing]
[Barbara] I'm going over all the steps in my head.
What happens if I fall?
Then, why?
Why do I think I'm gonna fall up there?
Is it inevitable? Is it worth worrying about?
Or am I just paranoid?
Then, will the outfits be ready in time?
Will I hit all the notes?
Hopefully I won't mess that up.
But I know when you're nervous and you overthink it,
it's easy to mess up.
Yeah, so, I'm just thinking about everything that could go wrong.
And now that it's in three hours, I'm like…
But I think the fear and the panic is just a given.
-Hey. Good timing. -Hey. Oh yeah? She's creeping up?
[Barbara] She crept up on me through the door.
Bitch! That bitch. [laughs]
2 HOURS TO SHOWTIME
[tense music continues]
[Barbara] Taban?
Taban?
-[Taban] How're we doing? -[Barbara] I'm gonna puke.
-[Taban] Ready to tear the house down? -[Barbara] No.
[woman] We're taking a different route to the stage.
[Taban] Shirin, they're all wearing really smart outfits.
Everyone's wearing ties, glasses, the works.
-[woman] I think if they're pushed back-- -Yes. Otherwise, it's too…
-[Taban] The content girls need something. -Okay, just wait one second…
Hey, Taban, could you please stop getting on my nerves?
Should I help?
[woman] Yes, here. I don't want it in the way.
[Barbara] Now we need to push it back. This is perfect, yes.
Okay.
[tense music continues]
[cheering]
BABSI I WANT A PHOTO "JUST WITH YOU"
[crowd chanting] Babsi! Babsi! Babsi!
[indistinct chatter]
Not at all relaxed.
[Taban] Hey, you've put your blood, sweat, and tears into this.
I'm still bleeding.
You've worked… you've worked hard, so now you get to enjoy yourself.
Okay.
It's like what Khabib said,
"Now you get to go into the ring and have fun."
Your fans are here to have fun.
Is there water?
[Taban] Water?
-Water. -[Taban] Water?
No matter what, once you get up there,
just have fun.
[woman] Everyone clear the stage, please!
Everyone clear!
Go get 'em.
Get out there and show 'em what you're made of.
[Barbara] Yeah.
[man] Shirin?
[woman over radio] 30 seconds, Shirin.
Please, I need my… Okay. I just really need my second…
[Fatoumata over radio] Enjoy, guys. We rehearsed this a million times.
You got this.
Don't forget that you're living your dream on stage.
Enjoy it. It will be over super fast.
[woman] Fifteen seconds, Shirin. Thank you.
[Fatoumata] Good luck, everyone.
[crowd chanting] Babsi! Babsi! Babsi! Babsi!
["GRWM" playing]
[in German] ♪ Ten pairs of high heels Stand in front of the door… ♪
[in English] Yeah. Stay on position.
[over radio] No, I think…
Dancers, stand by.
♪ Classy, fancy, super trashy Nasty, insanely sassy ♪
[in German] ♪ She's a Capricorn And I'm an Aries ♪
♪ Temporary guys are a topic But not always… ♪
[Fatoumata in English] Let's go!
[in German] ♪ An espresso martini Turn up the playlist and gossip ♪
♪ Hours in front of the mirror Until we look like sisters ♪
-♪ Being me is a full-time job ♪ -♪ A full-time job ♪
[Barbara] ♪ But I pay the price Just to be the boss… ♪
[Fatoumata in English] Dancers, five, six, seven and… go.
And five, six, seven, go!
Turn on five.
Seven, eight, one, two.
[woman] Costume change. Thirty seconds, rain.
[cheering]
[Barbara] I fucked up.
No, no, the show is unbelievable.
People are going crazy. You can't even imagine.
[Barbara] I still fucked up, but it's good.
[Taban] Believe me. I'm out here.
You look incredible, and everyone's loving it.
[man] Thirty seconds, guys. Let's clear the stage, please.
[Barbara] Stop, stop, we're not going up. We're not going up.
I'm not ready.
Look, these people, they're spending 90 euros for 90 minutes of entertainment.
So we have to give them everything in that hour and a half.
-[man] Not stopping. -You're fucking up my staging.
-[woman] They'll wait. -Not funny.
[man] Please.
[Barbara] In the end, it has to be perfect.
We can make up what went wrong in the next block.
[Barbara] Okay. Ready? I can go up.
-[woman] Are you ready? -I'm ready.
-[man] All Good! -Just relax. Let yourself relax.
[Barbara] I notice every little thing that goes wrong.
[Fatoumata] As soon as you're off the swing, remember to stand still.
Kathi, is this at 12? It's quite loud.
I can clock it immediately.
It's really loud, guys.
Fucked up, fucked up, fucked up.
[Fatoumata] Just take your time.
[Taban] Look at the ladies. Talk to some.
Next song.
[Barbara] The first show was awful.
From sound issues to forgetting the choreography
to the lifts not working.
You name it, we had a problem.
[speaking German]
When I know it wasn't good, I don't wanna hear,
"But you did your best," because I know I did.
I know that. And I know it's okay, but I just…
I wanted it to be incredible.
[door beeps]
[Taban] She didn't give a talk today.
All the things we talked about, she didn't do. She totally shut down.
Every time I told her, "Stay calm and have fun,"
she couldn't do it.
[Erika] It'll be fine.
I know that she's under a lot of pressure.
I know that, but I always say, "You still get to have a choice."
"If it doesn't bring you joy, you can quit."
[Barbara] Once I'm in it, everything feels different,
like I've entered psychosis or something.
Why am I even doing this?
[Taban] When did you get here?
We got here at 9:00 a.m.
Midnight.
We got here at 7:00. Shirin, this is for you!
[Taban] Look at how many people are here.
[Barbara] My audience is pretty diverse. But even so, there's a clear demographic.
I call it the G-Unit, the girls and the gays.
The people who listen to my music are the people… who need strength,
and they come to my concerts to feel empowered,
to feel acceptance and love and confidence,
things that I want just as much as them.
[chanting in German] Encore!
Shirin!
We love you. The show was so great. Always!
People love her. She's a great person, an angel with this heart of gold.
Did you see that crowd?
-[Taban] What do you think of Munich? -That was crazy, guys.
Munich was something else tonight. It was unbelievable.
What's in their water?
[Taban] Once she saw how excited her fans were, I think she went,
"Oh wow, maybe some people love me after all,"
which is an understatement. She's loved by millions.
CHEEKY
[Barbara] I know who's standing there in the first and second row.
They're the people who wanted to come to this concert to feel better
and feel like they're being heard.
Oh my God, Shirin, I love you!
And in the moment, it created this high energy
that just flowed through me.
It just feels like you're throwing a gigantic party,
with 10,000, maybe 20,000 people?
And you're happy because everybody's having fun.
And even when I messed up, when I sang the wrong thing,
or something went wrong, I was still in that performance-vibe.
It feels like it's finally clicked,
like I've figured out
how to get into that superstar-mode.
[in German] ♪ A woman with ambition Runs her business and not gossip ♪
♪ I don't lose control Through fake friends and money ♪
♪ My ego weighs a ton ♪
♪ I'm posting a story ♪
♪ And female rappers ♪
[crowd] ♪ Are postponing their album ♪
♪ Gets out, gets out Of the back right, 90-60-111 ♪
♪ Juicy, juicy money checks Don't give that bitch any respect ♪
[ethereal music playing]
[Barbara] That's where I've wanted to be.
I'm still Babsi, but now I feel like I'm Superstar Babsi.
[cheering]
[ethereal music playing]
[Barbara] And for the first time,
I feel like I've become the person that I've always wanted to be,
this performer, this superstar,
like someone who belongs on the stage.
[Taban] Of course I'm proud of her.
I tell her over and over in those little moments on stage.
At times when people aren't looking,
before I go into the audience or hide while my eyes get misty.
In some ways, I almost feel like a proud father, you know?
I'm proud of how she endures, despite all the low-points
and the obstacles she faces.
And I'm proud of how she grows from every situation
and becomes even greater than before.
[cheering]
[Erika] I think, "Is that my kid up there?"
"Did I really give birth to her?"
It's hard to believe she's my daughter. [chuckles]
I know it's Shirin David, but that's my little Barborytė.
[cheering]
[Barbara] It's a very crazy, very weird feeling.
But I think the weirdest part is that I'm actually proud of myself.
[ethereal music continues]
Lani, I'm sorry.
All he's been doing since yesterday is handing me tissues and thinking,
"For the love of God, please stop crying so much."
But it's just because, for the first time, I feel like,
"Okay, you actually achieved something."
It's just crazy.
And I can't believe that it's happening around my birthday.
It feels like such a cliché, but it's happening right now.
In the end, she lives a very particular life.
And I think it'd be a complete waste if she worked that hard,
and didn't get to enjoy herself.
And not just every once in a while,
but most of the time.
[cheering]
[man] Five! Four!
[all] Three! Two! One!
[cheering]
[Barbara] I think it's really important that Barbara gets to be happy this time
and not just Shirin, like for the past ten years.
I've worked so hard for Shirin David that I've neglected Barbara.
And
now all I really want is to be just as proud of Barbara
as I am of Shirin.
Because without Shirin, there just isn't…
No, without Barbara there's no Shirin.
Yes?
Oh!
Thank you!
Thank you so much!
Not a picture.
Aw!
So cute!
No way!
Oh my… Oh no, guys, I'm gonna cry now.
[cheering and applause]
Thank you, guys. This is so sweet!
Check it out!
["Babsi Bars" playing]
[lyrics in German]
♪ Dangerous woman ♪
[lyrics in German]
♪ Hoes up, G's down ♪
[lyrics in German]
♪ Ass so fat You can see it from the front ♪
[lyrics in German]
♪ 'Cause I am whatever you say I am ♪
♪ Juh-Juh-Dee on the beat ♪
[lyrics in German] the beat ♪