[intriguing music plays]
[Karen] Daisy, one thing I'm afraid to tell you, but I need to is…
Um…
[clock ticking]
One thing I'm afraid to tell you…
[clicks tongue]
[sighs] …the guy that I was gonna go out with
when we'd broken up that time,
that's not the first date we've organized.
[music intensifies]
How many other dates?
Once or twice. I don't know.
And did you ever go on any of them?
No.
But you organized dates?
Yeah, because, as I said, like…
[tsks]
-Hey, look… -[Daisy exhales sharply]
I'm out, man.
-That's fine. You kissed her, so… -[Jay] Honestly--
-Jay? -[Jay] I can't even… Whatever, man.
[Jay scoffs]
[music fades]
So, Daisy, what's Jay really responded to? What's he really reacted to?
I… I don't know, and to be honest, I don't really care.
I'm more concerned about my lips.
Okay, while you're doing those, talk to me.
Talk to me about
what you… what actually happened.
You never actually went. Why not?
Because I wasn't going 'cause I actually wanted to go.
I was going because I felt like he'd do the same.
I just felt like I wasn't being true to myself,
and my intentions weren't genuine.
And I didn't really wanna use that person
just to, like, I don't know, I guess, "get back" at Joseph.
-Um, so I just never went. -[Karen] Okay.
Hi, Jay.
You know you're actually a liar, you know?
-I'm… I'm fine with that. -[Jay] The way…
No. I don't care if you're fine with it.
I don't trust that you never done anything with this guy.
I can't even trust anything that you're saying. You're saying--
I'm fine with that.
-[Jay] You planned three other dates. -You kissed her. I'm fine with that.
-Yeah, but at least-- -Daisy, two wrongs. Just--
I'll be so real. I didn't kiss… I didn't kiss her when we were together.
But from this chair, you're both in the same boat.
-That's what the exercise-- -We're not in the same boat. We're not.
-Jay? -I'm not in the same boat as her, man.
The point of this exercise
was to get all of those secrets out
so that you can process them.
So that you can start with a clean sheet.
You're both upset.
You've both acted out.
You're both emotional.
[melancholy music plays]
[voice breaking] I just feel like the difference between me and you
is that I genuinely didn't even have the heart to do it.
[Daisy sniffles]
[sighs]
[sniffles]
Okay, cool, we'd organized the date, whatever,
but I didn't… I just didn't have the heart to really follow through with it.
But you actually did.
And not just that, you also went ahead and kissed her.
Yeah.
Can you hear how much she cares?
-Yeah. -[sobs]
[Jay] But it's like why did she-- Why lie about it though?
[Daisy exhales]
[sniffles]
Let's think about our next session together.
We can think about the future.
What you two want from each other.
Yeah.
Remember, we're trying to draw a line under the past.
'Cause things have happened in both camps.
[Daisy sighs]
[sniffles]
Thank you both.
-Thanks, Karen. -[Daisy] Thank you.
-[Karen] See you next time. -[Jay] Yeah.
-[Karen] Thank you. -[Jay] Bye.
[soft pop music plays]
[Jay] I am sorry. I don't like seeing you upset.
This session, truths came out.
Both Daisy and Jay uncovered their own covert behaviors.
And it's really important in couple therapy to get the "truth" out.
Obviously, these are things in the past that we've both lied about.
I will definitely take responsibility for the part that I've played in it.
But this bullshit just needs to stop, man.
The past has to be exorcized.
Resentments have to be worked through,
talked about, accepted, integrated.
I don't really have much to say to you.
-I'm fine. -Mm-hmm.
But I'm not fine with you.
Like, I'm not feeling you. I can't lie.
[Karen] If a couple can clear the slate,
they can really start to engage in thinking and talking
and actually behaving differently
in the present and for the future of their couple.
["One Letter" by Mic Drop plays]
♪ I had to change my ways ♪
♪ I almost went insane ♪
♪ I had to stop playing games ♪
♪ I couldn't stay the same ♪
♪ Now I'm focused on my growth now ♪
♪ 'Cause in a dark space Nice Amalfi Coast now ♪
♪ I had to change my ways ♪
♪ I almost went insane ♪
♪ I had to stop playing games ♪
♪ I couldn't stay the same ♪
♪ Now I'm focused on my growth now ♪
♪ 'Cause in a dark space Nice Amalfi Coast now ♪
♪ We should probably make a toast now ♪
♪ 'Bout to do the most now It's 'bout to go down ♪
You know what I mean, we're so close. I'm never this close to anyone. [laughs]
Welcome to my world, baby. [chuckles]
♪ Let's go, sing a prayer for me ♪
♪ Sing a prayer for me ♪
I'm a clowny person. I'm always having fun.
I just wanna-- I don't know how the royals do it, you know.
[laughing]
Hi, my name's Jermaine. I'm a workaholic. [laughs]
J and I have been together for about 13 years.
We got married in 2020.
♪ I've been down, no ♪
♪ I've been down… ♪
Dami's probably got the sweetest soul
I've ever come into contact with in my life.
Before I was a mum, I was pretty high-flying. I loved my career.
But when I got married and you settle down,
whoops, you're pregnant. [laughs]
♪ Low, low, low, low Ready for the good ♪
Life as a stay-at-home mum…
The sacrifice, yeah?
Jermaine doesn't seem to understand 'cause we don't see him.
In work mode, I am intense.
I take it really seriously.
[trap music plays]
♪ First thing we gon' do is run it up ♪
I run a health care recruitment agency and a health care provision service.
No way did I expect
the business to do as well as it's doing and how it's done,
but all of my hard work has paid off.
Jermaine doesn't seem to have time for me or home life anymore.
Like, his work is a lot more demanding.
So I feel like I'm carrying the brunt of motherhood
and nuclear family life on my own.
I feel like she needs to trust me more
and be more submissive to me
and understand that, you know, I have our best interests at heart.
I'd say we're definitely growing apart,
and we need to realign.
["Pure Delusion" by Mia Mormino plays]
♪ Running out of time now, dummy ♪
♪ Falling so behind Love to watch you stumbling ♪
[producer] How much does Jermaine mean to you?
[gentle music plays]
[Dami] Yeah, he's everything to us.
Couldn't imagine life without him, actually.
[fingernails clicking]
[Karen] Hello.
[music ends]
-[Karen] Welcome. -[exhales] Thank you.
-[Karen] Dami. -[softly] Hi.
-[Karen] Jermaine. Nice to meet you. -How you doing?
Hello. Lovely to meet you.
So, what's brought you?
I know that things are not right, but what is it? What is it… [chuckles]
Jermaine, you're looking at Dami. Dami's brought you. [laughs]
-[laughs] "She brought me here." -You're on board.
I'm on board.
-Okay. All right, so, what is it? -[Dami] Yeah.
[Karen] What do you think is going not quite right?
[Dami] I feel as though
Jermaine doesn't have a great work-life balance.
He spends more time focusing on his own career, his goals,
more than focusing on what's happening inside of the home.
He's going out there and meeting clients,
and I'm just at home with sick on my shoulder,
you know, looking like a foot,
and not really having anyone to share the load of home life with.
-And I just don't think it's fair really. -Which bit's not fair?
All of it. [laughs]
He just comes in and goes as he pleases.
Like, we're more flatmates than we are a married couple.
How do you feel about this, Jermaine?
Um…
I feel like I'm doing everything I can for my family.
I'm not doing it selfishly. She looks like a foot at home.
You know, I'm, you know, stressed out there.
I'm not calling her a foot. I'm using her analogy, by the way.
-Um… Well, no, you're-- -You're calling me a foot, actually.
-Well, you're a beautiful foot, but… -[laughs]
[Jermaine] But, you know…
Um… I work. Like, what else am I supposed to do?
Um, I don't think I should be penalized for being hardworking,
for trying to, you know, do things for my family.
I'm not penalizing you for being hardworking.
I appreciate that you're hardworking, but what I'm saying is,
whenever you have a break, you don't use that break to spend time with me.
You use that break to go out or meet your friends or socialize.
Like, for instance, yesterday, I was at home,
I had to do the bath, I had to do the nighttime routine,
and he went to see Usher
in a box with his friend.
"Ooh, look at me. Ooh, I'm in a box. Ooh, yay, yay, yay."
Dami, can I just…
-Usher's a band, isn't it? -An artist.
-[Karen] An artist. Exactly.
So you were in a box, dancing away while all this was going on at home.
-With his friend, chilling. -When you put it like that, it sounds bad.
[Dami] When he mentioned it, like, a few weeks ago,
I said, "Oh, I'd love to see Usher." Like, he's one of my childhood heroes too.
-And he was like… [laughs] -Forget Usher. Let's move on from Usher.
-[Dami] Okay. -Cool. Yeah.
What I wanna get to is,
is this agreed that you're a stay-at-home mum?
When we had our first baby…
[Karen] Yes.
…we both agreed
that I was gonna stay at home for the first two years of their life.
We weren't self-employed then, so we were both working.
What were you doing? Tell me about your job.
[Dami] Yeah. Oh, I loved my job. I was a project manager.
-[Karen] Yes. -And I worked my way up.
And I was traveling out with work.
I was going on holiday. I was buying what I wanted.
I was just free.
Yeah. So how does it feel?
You-- It-- You've lost a piece of yourself.
[Dami sighs]
Karen, I felt really down
because Jermaine, like, went into something new.
It's growing and booming,
and he was, like, the most confident and the most happy.
But I just kind of felt, like, left behind.
Now I feel like we've fallen into the 1950s,
where I'm the housewife
and he just brings home the bacon.
-And I hate pork. -[Karen chuckles]
Okay, Jermaine, what do you… What do you… What do you think?
I feel when Dami goes on these, you know,
I would say, rants about me being absent,
I kind of feel like
you don't appreciate what I've kind of been through on my side, you know?
Life has changed.
And I feel like Dami isn't running as fast as I am, right?
-I feel like when that-- -I've got more load.
I've literally got a three-year-old,
I've got a three-month-old,
who are pretty heavy.
So I can't run as fast as you.
I've had to slow my entire life down
to be at their beck and call
and at yours as well.
I get it. You're busy. Do you know what I mean?
I get it. You're successful.
However, where we are in our life right now,
you need to be available.
How is your relationship? How is… How is intimacy? How is…
How are you two as a couple?
Dami's my best friend. Like, it's always gonna be like that, but…
There isn't much intimacy.
I hear you, babe, but we are in separate bedrooms.
How long have you been in separate bedrooms?
Not slept in the same bedroom properly, as in together,
for nine months.
It feels like you don't… Neither of you, actually,
are making the time for connection or intimacy.
And sleeping apart doesn't help, I would've thought.
It doesn't help, but how…
Like, as a lady, as a woman, right,
you can't turn up at eleven o'clock, knock, knock, "Can I come in?"
"No, you can't come in. Closed."
"Closed."
"Fully closed."
You need to, like, open up shop, pull up the shutters, you know,
put the key in the lock, open the door. "This is a nice place."
I think I prefer a 24-hour service.
-It should. -It doesn't work like that.
-It should. -I'm not a robot.
-Intimacy doesn't work like that. -[Dami] Thank you.
Jermaine, I can see you're getting frustrated.
Because I feel like…
I just feel like if you were in my shoes for a day, you would understand.
This session is so one-sided.
Karen keeps talking about Dami's feelings.
What about Jermaine's feelings?
It doesn't feel like you've got the fertile ground for intimacy.
-That you're not sowing the seeds. -The crop don't grow here.
-[Karen] You're not sowing the seeds. -Dry land. No water.
What I'm hearing is that you don't feel like your needs are met.
-Either of you. -[Jermaine] No.
-No. -I try my best.
I could be in your shoes for a day, and I'd still find time for you.
That's… That's… That's an opinion, but it's not… it's not reality.
I'm planning ahead. I wanna retire in eight years
so I can spend time with my family.
That's what I'm working towards.
-Would you be happy with that, Dami? -Of course she would.
Who wouldn't be?
[Dami] That life sounds beautiful,
but tomorrow's not promised.
Like, his dad's unwell.
What happened to your father, Jermaine, that was…
He got really ill.
Has been in hospital for a couple of years.
And that was unexpected?
Very much so. Yeah.
-Has that increased your responsibility? -For sure. Yeah. For sure.
100%.
People call me, family call me, "Oh, can you do this?"
You've stepped into the shoes as head of the family as well?
For sure. Heavy is the head that wears the crown. For sure.
I'm wondering how difficult it is for you
to be present and deal with emotional connection.
Probably is difficult.
Like, I'm not really an emotional person.
What does that mean? You don't feel?
I internalize.
Ye-- I just-- You know, it is what it is.
I hate feeling vulnerable. It's not my cup of tea.
Um, it's something that I'm open to exploring,
but I don't wanna dive in too deep. I like staying in the shallow end.
[tense music plays]
You've had a lot of changes. You haven't really had time to transition.
And, Dami, maybe you can think about
just how Jermaine is experiencing this transition
and that he is a bit overwhelmed with it all,
that there is a lot going on.
And I hear that your needs are not being met,
but perhaps there's a conversation around that.
A lot to think about.
Yeah.
♪ Try, you're either with me Or you're not on my side ♪
[Karen] There is so much going on in this couple.
Dami, who was once a high-flyer, out there in the world, career girl,
is now at home with two children.
And Jermaine, who wasn't quite so successful, is now the high-flyer.
And now he has to walk a line, a very, very, very fine line,
between all of that power and control, ego and success,
and love, compassion, and equality in his relationship with Dami.
♪ Yeah, I'd like to see you try ♪
♪ You're either with me Or you're not on my side ♪
♪ No such thing as stalemate I got this freeze-dried ♪
[Mike] Can we just order something?
-I don't really want that. -We're not ordering again.
I cannot believe how much money we're wasting on food.
And every week I have to have this conversation with you.
[Mike] I'm hungry. I don't want what's in the house.
What's the problem with that?
You're being silly. I'm not having this conversation with you.
-You're being silly. It's fine. -[Mike] Cool.
♪ Yeah, I'd like to see you try ♪
[song ends]
-[woman] What's been happening? -I went to my second therapy session.
You know that girl that he took out when we broke up?
[woman] Yeah.
That, "Oh, by the way, like, after the date, I kissed her."
-Oh! -I can't lie. I felt violated.
But the point of us going to therapy was to let go of the past.
-It happened in the past. -[Ayesha] Build on things. Forgive.
I feel like I'm really learning to, like, not stay stuck in my feelings.
[Ayesha] 100%.
I'm not gonna lie, like, he tried to lips me, and I was just thinking… Mm.
"Your lips are dirty." Like, don't go--
-"The same lips you used--" -"I don't want them lips right now."
I wanted to punch his face.
But if you genuinely see him as your partner for life,
you need to learn to forgive. At least he's admitted it now.
♪ What you gonna choose ♪
♪ Are we, are we gonna make it ♪
♪ Are we gonna lose… ♪
Shay was the one that pursued me.
It was nice to know that she had eyes on me from the very beginning.
♪ I be looking into my reflection ♪
♪ Trying every pretty imperfection ♪
When my friend posted Mons on Snap,
it was an instant, yeah, like, she looked good.
When I met her, we just vibed, and I thought, yeah, this is my person.
Mons is my best friend.
That's my twin.
♪ I wanna be the one to love you ♪
[Mons] She's extremely caring. She's extremely attentive.
She literally just wants to be in my skin,
which is great 'cause that's all I've wanted.
♪ I wanna have you for my own ♪
The worst thing about Shay is
she likes attention.
♪ Yeah, I got moves to make Don't wanna waste no time ♪
♪ I don't wanna lose my mind Everything that I own is mine ♪
I do get a lot of attention from women.
They could be straight. They could be gay, bisexual.
If I want it, I can get it.
I don't know if I can count how many times she's cheated.
What she likes to say, "It's just talking."
♪ This gon' be a good year ♪
I've put her through a lot of stress.
When Shay's away throughout the night, throughout the day,
and I don't speak to her, I definitely get anxious.
I definitely get nervous.
I feel like that comes naturally when you've been cheated on
or when someone's broken your trust so many times.
[song ends]
["Take My Time" by Harrison Walker & Sam Hurst plays]
[laughing]
Are you ready to settle down?
Yeah, I'm ready, man. Like, I'm ready still.
But I still feel like
she still believes that I'm still outside.
Yeah. I reckon that's now the… the common issue,
that you can't control yourself when you go out.
When we went out the other day or whenever… Nah.
-[man] You was trying to creep on Suella. -Oh, you lot…
[laughing]
[phone rings]
-[Denzill] Who's that? -See what I'm saying?
[laughing]
-[Shay] See? -[J Suede] Can't make this up.
When I say I'm out with the guys, I'm out with the guys.
Like, just let me have my breather, innit?
This is the battle that I'm having because she wants me to answer.
-[Denzill] Yeah. -I don't wanna answer.
And this is me telling her, "You need to believe my word."
-Yeah. -"You're not believing my word."
-[phone rings] -Guess who's calling me?
-[Shay] See what I'm saying? -[J Suede] No way.
How long do you think she'll be able to wait for you to change?
["Take My Time" continues]
♪ So I will take my time ♪
♪ 'Cause I got offended by… ♪
Hello, both.
-You all right? -Come on in.
It's make-or-break time.
This is our last resort, and if she doesn't make a change,
and if the trust doesn't start to build,
then this will be the end of our relationship.
["Take My Time" ends]
[Karen] How long have you two been together?
[Mons] Go on.
-Oh, wait. -I'd like to hear it from you.
Two and a half-- Two and a half years.
-[Karen] Two and a half years? -Yeah.
-Do you live together? -[Shay] Yeah, we do.
And children?
-[Shay] No. Not yet. -Not yet. [chuckles]
-Not yet? Okay. -[Shay] Yeah.
-[laughing] -[Karen] Not yet. Okay.
-So, what brings you here today? -So I've brought Shay here today.
-I'm here. -[Karen] Yeah.
[Mons] Um…
The reason why I brought her, is when I started speaking to Shay,
I didn't know much about her background in regards to, like, previous relations.
But when we became public, I quickly found out who she was.
Um, when I say who she was, I mean, you know,
she's spoken to a lot of people in the past,
slash present,
um, and had loads of exes, loads of just…
-Girls. -…peak girls.
So I got a lot of, "Oh, Shay's a cheater."
"Shay does this. Shay's never committed. She's not serious."
And I just kinda let it go over my head,
like, "I'll learn the hard way." And I definitely did.
[Karen] What happened?
[Shay] Last year, it was like…
I can say that it was like a make-or-break kind of thing.
She found something out, and it was literally like,
if I don't fix up now, then I'm gonna lose her, so…
Can you talk a bit about that, please?
-Can you say what she found out? -[Shay] Um…
Um, yeah. Um…
That I cheated on her.
Now, how did she find out?
So there was one day, one weekend, where she never came home.
-At this point, we lived together. -[Karen] Right.
-[Mons] So… -She just-- You just didn't go home?
She just didn't come home, uncontactable.
And, like, you know when you get that gut feeling,
and then you feel sick, and it's just like,
"I know she's doing something right now"?
[Mons] I don't think Shay gets how much she's hurt me at all.
It made me feel angry, irritated,
betrayed.
And it also made me feel like everything was a facade.
She came back and said, "My friend was going through something."
"I had to go and support her."
You'd… You'd worked out a story?
-Yeah. -Yeah.
Yeah. And when she's in panic mode, they just…
-[Karen] Stories. -Stories.
All her friends are going through something crazy--
There's scripts written so that you-- Right.
But you already recognized that, Mons?
-You knew it was gonna be a script? -100%. I knew it was gonna be a script.
That's why I, like, already checked in with her family, with her friends.
You can't say you was with this friend, 'cause I spoke to them already.
Now they're also worried.
So anyone you told me you're with now, I've already contacted.
-Do you find it difficult to be honest? -Um… Yeah.
If I'm doing something that I'm not supposed to be doing, yeah.
Okay, so, "Doing something I'm not supposed to be doing."
What are you not supposed to be doing?
Um, giving
other people attention
if I'm in a relationship.
Do you agree with that?
No, I do agree.
-Uh, it's just a habit that I've got. -[Karen] Yes.
[Shay] It's a bad habit, I can admit that.
-Bad habit? -[Shay] Yeah.
But… Can you just be a bit more explicit about a bad habit?
Bad habit, as in like, I'm in a relationship.
Like, I'll get the attention, for an example, temptation, when I'm out.
-Temptation? -Yeah.
She gets attention from any female.
Getting attention is one thing, but--
Entertaining it is different.
-Well, also, looking for it. -Yeah, see, I don't go looking for it.
-I disagree. -[Karen] Oh.
[Shay] All right, so if I'm on a night out,
I will have, like, a female that'll walk up to me, for an example,
and that there would be the temptation.
As in, like, if you have the confidence to walk up to me…
That's appealing, that's sexy, that's attractive?
Yeah. Like, just…
You're owning the room like you know what you want kind of thing.
Like, yeah.
I had no idea that she was that easily led
by a bit of confidence.
I think that's wild to me.
'Cause most girls are confident now anyway, like…
So to me, it's like anyone can have it.
-[Mons] If I started talking to someone. -[Shay] Mm-hm.
"Hey, baby. Hey, beautiful. I hope you have a good day."
Is that not cheating?
I personally think cheating is, you know, when you have
sexual conversations or if you sleep with someone.
What about you? What's cheating for you?
Cheating for me is anything you have to hide.
If you've gotta hide a conversation, if you've gotta hide your phone,
if you've gotta lie about where you're going or what you're doing,
you are cheating.
Because you're stepping out on our relationship.
I mean… Ugh, I don't know, man.
Can I ask,
how many times have you cheated on Mons?
Um…
-What, are we talking about, like-- -In my definition.
-Yeah, let's use Mons' definition. -[Shay] In her-- [chuckles]
-Uh… I-- -Can't count, can ya?
-I don't know. -[Mons] Yeah.
Okay, in your definition then, Shay, how many times have you cheated?
-You're gonna say once. -Once.
How many times do you think she's cheated?
I can't count. It's countless.
So cheating has become a bit of a norm for you.
[Shay] Yeah.
Can I go back to the once?
How did it feel, the thought of not getting her back?
It hurt still.
-[Karen] Okay. -Yeah.
Yeah.
-It hurt a lot? -Yeah.
What did it feel like?
I guess like…
I kind of lost my best mate.
[melancholy music plays]
But if I did everything that you did, would you stay with me?
No.
So you expect Mons to behave differently to you?
Yeah.
How does that feel for you?
Uh, I just think it's double standard, to be honest.
Mm.
-So how does that leave you feeling, Shay? -Like, that's why, like, now…
I-- Like I said, I can't keep doing this kind of thing,
because I'm about to lose her.
Mm.
[music intensifies]
[Shay exhales]
[Mons] Love isn't enough.
Because
if things don't change,
then we're gonna have to love each other from a distance.
God.
[exhales]
[music ends]
["I Don't Believe In Love" plays]
♪ I don't believe in love ♪
♪ If you don't believe in me Then why'd I believe in us? ♪
♪ Like, why would I even trust? So just cut all the feeling stuff ♪
♪ 'Cause you be speaking Without a meaning ♪
♪ That's why all of my feelings numb 'Cause I can't be feeling dumb ♪
♪ I don't believe in love ♪
♪ Said she don't believe in me Then why'd I believe in us? ♪
♪ Like, why would I even trust? Told her cut all the feeling stuff ♪
♪ 'Cause she be speaking without a meaning That's why all my feelings numb ♪
♪ 'Cause I can't be feeling dumb ♪
♪ I don't believe in love ♪
♪ If you don't believe in me Then why'd I believe in us? ♪
[song ends] on't believe in me Then why'd I believe in us? ♪