[bright music plays]
[Shay] It's like…
I don't know, like, I'm trying. I want you to understand that I am trying.
Like, maybe I'm not-- I'm not--
I haven't been good at communication, like, communicating with you.
I haven't been good at that. It's a work in process.
Things ain't gonna happen overnight, do you understand what I'm saying?
So it's how can we stay where we are?
I think my biggest worry is I don't want you to go back.
I know, like, a lot has gone on,
and I know that it's p--
I'm asking for a lot. I just need that extra bit of trust.
Otherwise, yeah, like, we can't keep doing this, can we, kind of thing.
That really is something that you two need to think about,
going forward with your couple.
I'm gonna read these out and you can have a think about these together. Okay?
Mm-hmm.
So, um, "In a relationship, I believe my role is…"
And, "A belief I carry that helps me feel safe in relationships is…"
So have a think about what that is that you hold.
-They feel okay? -Yeah.
-Thank you very much. -[Shay] Thank you.
Thank you so much.
-I'll see you next time. -See you next time.
[soft music plays]
-[Mons] Bye. -[Karen] Bye.
It's obvious to me that Shay and Mons have real feelings for each other,
but they've got slightly different agendas.
Shay's behavior really hurts Mons.
She's out and about getting attention, paying attention to people,
and Mons is allowing that and facilitating that.
Somehow these two haven't got onto the same page
around infidelity.
[music continues]
[music intensifies]
[music fades]
♪ I never had no I never had no love like this ♪
♪ It's been a long, long time ♪
Me and Junior have been together almost 20 years now.
Junior, he was different to any other guy that I had previously been with.
To me, he was kind of like home.
We met at my friend's birthday party.
I think I might've fell in love in that moment. [chuckles]
We have three kids, two girls and a boy.
Being a dad means the world to me.
When I think of my family unit, my heart feels warm.
Junior is the person that everyone loves.
An amazing father, incredible husband,
when he wants to be. [laughs]
[Junior] We were very happy,
but we started fighting a lot.
[upbeat music plays]
Me being a DJ, you know, back in the day when I used to tour with a big artist,
it was quite intense, it was a lot, and, you know, she didn't really love it.
There have been long periods of time
where he's been away because it comes with the job.
I loved my husband, he loved me,
but that was not enough to keep us together.
We were separated for a couple of years.
We got back together,
and we decided to make a commitment to each other and to our family again,
and we started again.
♪ Your bad love is trouble ♪
♪ Yeah, trouble's gotta… ♪
The reason why we have decided we'd opt for therapy
is because we have issues communicating.
[Junior] We're arguing too much, not understanding each other.
We're not listening to each other.
Mainly, she's not listening to me.
I don't want to end up where we were before,
you know, breaking our family apart.
Like, I never, ever wanna go back there again.
[song ends]
[clock ticking]
-Hello. -[Karen] Good morning.
Welcome. Sit down. Make yourselves comfortable.
Okay, why have you come here today?
Well, we have been through a lot of ups and downs.
We just feel we need help to kind of level up our relationship
and improve certain things,
mainly being communication.
Yeah, it's the communication.
For me, I feel like I'm not listened to. Um…
And I feel like he doesn't take me seriously.
As you'll notice, whenever I'm speaking, she never lets me speak.
-She always chimes in and cuts-- -I mean, I just--
I just don't feel like he takes me seriously with, like…
-I don't feel like you-- -[Carmen] …big decisions for the family.
I don't feel you take me seriously with small decisions.
Are you always bickering?
At the moment, we're either bickering or not talking.
-So it's like-- -Yeah.
-I tend to, like, snap sometimes, don't I? -I'm glad you can admit that today.
I'm happy to admit, like, I'm not perfect.
[Junior] I feel like sometimes she just likes arguing with me.
And she likes to be like, "Ha-ha, you're wrong."
-[chuckles] You know? -No.
-Are you sure? -No.
-How does that make you feel? -It makes me feel like we're lost.
Like, it makes me feel like he just doesn't understand me.
And it makes me feel like I don't really understand him.
I'm wondering why you would think that Carmen,
who loves you and is your wife, would want to go against you.
It's causing a huge divide, I'd say.
How did that happen? When did it start to happen?
What's going on?
Well, we separated for two years
about five years ago.
I feel like we got to that point
because we argued and bickered so much
and the communication broke down.
And I feel like now we're starting to argue again.
For me, I wanna ensure that we don't ever get back to that point.
Yeah.
This break, tell me how it happened.
We just were not getting along on any level.
I was unhappy with many things.
Um, our communication, again, it was not--
It was-- It was very toxic.
We just were butting heads on everything.
I mean, also, like, if we're-- if I'm honest, um,
Carmen wasn't happy because I wasn't ready to… extend the family.
I was of the opinion that, you know, we should plan a bit better
to bring another member of the family in.
I've always wanted, like, a really big family,
so that's obviously really important to me.
Okay, so there's quite a difference between you on that.
-Yeah. Definitely. -[Karen] Okay.
How much work was done about the break?
Did you ever really process it together,
the reasons that you had broken up?
[exhales] Not really.
How did you reconcile?
Six months after our son was born,
Carmen had to get rushed to hospital with the baby.
-Yeah. -And, um, in that moment,
something just came over me, and I just felt like
I need to be there for my family.
I'm sorry, can I just check the timeline here?
When was the baby conceived?
Baby was conceived when we were broken up.
-[Carmen] Yeah. -[Junior] Yeah.
We had a little moment
where, like, for a few weeks, we tried to fix things.
-[Karen] Yeah. -Then the baby was conceived.
A mutual decision, so you're gonna have the baby.
Yeah, we both agreed on that.
It was quite shocking when Carmen told me that she was pregnant.
It was kind of like there was a crazy storm going on,
all of a sudden our son was born, and then everything just went calm.
It was a massive blessing, to be honest.
He really kind of brought the family back together.
So, what I'm hearing from both of you
is that there are some really deep wounds that have not healed.
Yeah.
I mean, the thing that has caused me a lot of hurt
is the way she asked me for a divorce
on my birthday.
[melancholy music plays]
She asked me for a divorce after having an argument on my birthday.
Although we'd had a lot of fights and disagreements,
I never really saw it coming.
You know, as far as I'm concerned, she's my soulmate.
So I kind of just assumed that whatever we're going through,
things would be okay.
I just packed my stuff, moved out.
Um, it was quite difficult for me because I'm a very hands-on dad,
so being away from my kids, it was devastating.
[breathes deeply]
It affected me negatively, put me in a really bad mental space,
and I suffered for a while.
[music ends]
You all right, Junior?
What was going on? What happened?
I stumbled across something, um, that made me feel uncomfortable.
A girl DMing him in, like, a flirtatious way.
I'd just had enough.
Obviously, that was not the only reason for the break-up.
There were loads of things,
like our communication was just at an all-time low.
-Things were going left. -Everything was happening.
-Everything was bad. -All at once.
-[Junior] We'd been fighting for months. -[Carmen] Yeah.
I can admit that things were bad.
But where I'm from, there's no such thing as break-up, divorce.
Once you've built a family, that's yours and that's yours for life.
But I feel like there are some things that can become deal-breakers.
I just don't see why that conversation needed to be had
on a day that I have to celebrate.
I just don't understand why you, like, hold onto things so much.
If somebody makes a mistake, even if you make a mistake, Junior,
surely that's painful to keep being reminded of it.
-Are you all right? -[Carmen] I'm okay.
It just feels like you just never wanna move forward.
I do wanna move forward, but I've just struggled to understand why.
Why… Why did that happen? Why did that have to happen on that day?
It wasn't that. Like, I didn't-- That was not my intention.
Like, I totally get it.
What's it gonna take for you to sort of reframe that
so it doesn't just stick?
And it's causing a block for you, Junior.
If you can't get through that,
you're not gonna be able to have this new grown-up relationship.
'Cause, really, your old relationship, you were so young.
And now you're moving into something older and wiser.
I've got some homework for you two.
So these are the questions, okay? And you're gonna answer them separately.
When do you feel most appreciated by me?
What do you miss most about how we used to connect?
What is something small that I can do over the weeks to make you feel seen?
And we will go through that in the next session.
-Okay? -Yeah.
Okay. Well, thank you.
Thank you, guys.
♪ Looking back It's like I never stopped running ♪
[exhales]
There's a lot of baggage in this couple.
Junior's resentment around Carmen asking for the divorce
is actually stopping him from thinking in the present.
And it's only by really exorcizing that hurt,
talking about it, and then recalibrating,
that you can move on.
♪ No other way ♪
♪ I'm switching lanes ♪
♪ I'm done with this memory ♪
[phone buzzing]
Stanford. I've been meaning to call you, you know?
Busy, busy, busy. How've you been?
Jermaine has definitely changed. He's just become focused in getting more.
[Jermaine] Woo! You know, when he calls, it's important.
-But I'm important too, babe. -You are important.
But, you see, this is on par.
And I need you to be on board with that.
Anything worth doing is worth doing well. So I go 100% in everything.
I only want the best for her and our kids.
I do feel that my say doesn't really matter.
But then I think, if it weren't for my say,
would we even be here?
[music ends]
-[Karen] Welcome back. -[Jermaine] Thank you.
[Karen] Feeling comfortable?
-Yeah. Yeah, comfy. -Ready for the ride.
[laughing]
[Jermaine] Yeah.
[Karen] Okay.
The sort of themes that we started to talk about,
work-life balance, perceived inequality,
the sense of not feeling valued.
-Either of you. -Yeah.
How did that feel for you, Dami?
There's so many issues that need to be fixed.
-That's why we've got you, Karen. [laughs] -[laughs]
You're gonna help us fix those problems.
-I'm gonna try. -[Dami chuckles]
Can I come on to how you felt after the session, Jermaine?
[clicks tongue] Um…
I'm not gonna lie. I felt that you guys were ganging up on me a bit,
but I felt good.
-Did you? -Yeah, just a bit.
Did you feel that I didn't give you space?
[Jermaine] No, you gave me space,
but I feel like everything was more catered towards
the feelings of my wife.
-I felt like-- -Two women in a room?
Two women in a room. Might be paranoid, but that's how I felt.
And how about that I'm a white woman as well?
-No? Middle-aged? Old-- Older woman? -No, no. No, no, no.
No, no, no. You're not old. You know the score.
No, but that would be okay for you to question that.
Yeah, no.
Whether I understood what you were bringing. That'd be okay.
I think you definitely understood 'cause you was able
to bring out really good points from our conversation,
so nothing like that. I just felt like you guys ganged up on me.
I thought you were pretty fair.
[Karen] It's interesting because Jermaine feels like that in life.
It's not just in this room, is it?
You do feel on your own a lot.
Yeah, 'cause I am.
[chuckles] Look, I'm a young Black man
in a predominantly white country. I'm a minority.
I can talk to you about certain things, but you're a woman.
You've never walked in my shoes. You won't understand--
What area in your life do you feel alone?
It's a loaded question.
Sometimes, men, we… we don't speak about our emotions.
Dami doesn't quite understand how I internalize things.
She needs to cut me some slack every now and then.
Being the head of the household,
having the… having the crown, you are alone.
When we first got together, you used to share things with me.
-Mm-hmm. -It was just us against the world.
We were really close.
-Like, we were like best-- -We are still close. We are still close.
-We were closer than what we are now. -Yeah.
I don't know if it's the babies. I don't know if it's the business.
But this is all new because he wasn't always like this.
But you're doing it all for your family, Jermaine, aren't you?
-For sure. -What if the family breaks down?
That's what Dami's here for, to keep-- She's the family glue.
-I can't-- -She's the CEO of the household.
I heard that, and I like it, but Dami doesn't feel heard.
Yeah, neither do I.
[Karen] How do you experience that?
You know when you were younger and your parents were keeping tabs on you?
"Where are you? Where have you gone? Oh, come back."
Sometimes, I feel like I kind of get that,
and I guess I get frustrated as a result of that.
-Okay. -So, what do you want different?
So if I say I'm gonna be home at seven o'clock,
and I can't make it home for seven because something has come up,
and maybe I've not had time to drop a text, because, you know--
I am so sorry to interrupt.
But in that time that you know you're going somewhere,
or something's come up,
that is your cue to be like,
"Hey, wife and children,
not gonna get home for seven,
but I'll see you at ten."
-You don't treat your partner like that. -I don't do it all the time.
Especially when you've got a habit
of, like, flantering with clients and stuff.
-I knew this was gonna come up. -Flantering? Flirting and bantering?
-Yes, at the same time. -Okay. Oh. Flantering.
-I love that word. I'm gonna use that. -Yeah.
Talk to me about it 'cause I don't know anything about it.
Yeah. Well, I've got someone in my office that we're really close.
In a professional space, right?
She makes me coffee. She takes notes at the meetings.
She knows just how he likes his coffee, Karen.
But it's professional. It's not sleazy.
Maybe in your eyes it's professional.
She's, like, so excited to talk to him.
The only woman in your life that should be giggling when you call is me.
I've heard you tell her her coffee is the best.
Is it just the coffee that's the best?
It's just the coffee that's the best.
She works well. She makes great coffee. She's amazing.
-It's-- -She's amazing?
She's amazing. She does her job fantastically.
When was the last time you called me amazing like that?
I told you you looked beautiful this morning.
-Not amazing. -[Jermaine] But--
Come on. Karen, help… help me out here.
-I think he meant amazing at her job. -[Jermaine] She's amazing at her job.
-It's professional. -I just-- I'm uncomfortable about it.
There is some kind of boundary, whether you mean it or not,
that's being crossed, and I'm not okay with that.
-That's the flanter line that I've drawn. -But I don't think flanter's okay.
-If the shoe was on the other foot… -Yes, it's ridiculous.
-And I-- -That's ridiculous.
-Why? I mean, Dami-- -[Jermaine] Because men--
[Karen] Dami could have her own PA, and a male PA.
-Excuse me? -Yeah. But…
Wait, a male PA that waits on you hand and foot is a bit weird.
Have you ever seen that in any space? Like, come on.
Dami has a point here. How comfortable would you be with her flantering?
[Jermaine] I wouldn't be.
-[Karen] Ah. -I wouldn't be. I would understand it.
-Flantering for the coins. -[exhales]
I wouldn't be.
-Well-owned. -Yeah.
Dami, let's just get this in perspective.
Do you really feel envious of her?
I feel like he spends more time with her than he does with me.
[Karen] Yeah.
And then she's getting all the good bits of him,
and then I get the crappy bits.
-[Jermaine] I understand that. -Yes.
Because, again, I spend more time at work than I do at home.
What I'm getting from this conversation is that you want more quality time.
-And you're comparing-- -She wants you present.
I'm gonna give you homework.
-Okay. -[Jermaine] Right.
I'd like you to re-create an early or memorable date.
Something that you did when you were really good together.
Try and revisit that and see how that leaves you feeling.
See if you can get back into a connected place.
-We can do that. -We can try.
-Great. Thank you so much for today. -[Jermaine and Dami] Thank you.
Go on, you.
♪ Be my lover… ♪
[Karen] Thank you.
Workspace flirting is rife, but boundaries have to be maintained
because it is so easy for people to just overstep them.
The secret for Dami is to assert her position as wife.
Organize the diary.
Make sure there's time for family events.
Dami needs to be number one,
and the work wife is under Dami and Jermaine together.
♪ Do me things that drive me crazy ♪
♪ Lover, baby ♪
♪ Cudde on top of my chest, oh ♪
♪ Whine slow, boogie down ♪
♪ If you love me Baby, you should let me
♪ Whine slow, do me now ♪
♪ Touch your hair now Shoulders, knees and toes ♪
♪ Whine slow, boogie down ♪
[birds chirping]
[Yasmin] We need to start with how much this debt is, where it is,
and what needs to be cleared first.
-How much are you spending a month? -Probably more than what I'm paying back.
I think I need to have the credit cards.
I'm willing to make it work, but up to a certain extent.
I'm not gonna allow you to treat me like a child.
"Give me your card." You're not my mum.
How do I know you're not gonna spend on them?
-I'm telling you I'm not. -My head is hurting.
♪ Where we came from nothing All we want is to shine ♪
♪ When it's all or nothing Put it all on the line ♪
♪ Put it all on the line ♪
[song ends]
[Karen] So can I check in?
How have things been since the last session?
There was a bit of a revelation from you, Maria,
about sending money to your family.
I have apologized,
but I think it's just a matter of time for him to come to terms with it.
I don't know if he ever will, but…
Viktor, how are you feeling?
It might look small, but I think the principle here is… is big.
The fact that she would hide something like this from me.
It's symbolic of the difficulty you have as a couple.
The schism between you and your family
and this family, you two.
[Viktor] Yeah. Her sister came over.
She didn't say anything different than… than her opinion.
You don't like the fact that I'm sending my parents money just to send them money.
Your, like, monthly subscription to be sending them 10% of what she makes.
-Monthly subscription, wow. -[Viktor] Well, that's what it's giving.
You've been with Maria for seven years
and still not committed to her.
[tense music plays]
My sister shared her opinions about our relationship to Viktor.
What was that like for you, Viktor?
I felt like I was being tag-teamed, like there was two people against me.
Until she steps up for this relationship--
This relationship, but unmarried?
Yeah.
Because everything would change if you were to get married.
-Yeah. -Sounds like everyone would be pleased.
-Sure. -[Karen] Yes.
But that's not a reason for me to do it.
You wanted me to open up?
This is how it feels. No one's looking in this situation through my lenses.
What do you think about that, Maria?
Viktor's always said he really thought that,
my family would be very, like, inviting and open to him.
So when he didn't receive that treatment, it's kind of like…
[snaps fingers]
He's just cutting them off.
They're having their family time. I'm around.
And I'm just her boyfriend and that's it. So I don't feel…
I don't feel seen. I don't feel acknowledged almost.
-What is it that you want from them? -I wanna feel respected.
Tell me, does this play into the cultural and religious aspects of the family?
It does, yeah. In Nigerian culture,
the elders, they're on top, and you have the younger people.
The younger people are the ones that are meant to make the effort.
She told me the first time we were about to, like, go to her house,
it's very important that you kneel down to your elders.
Put your forehead to the ground. And I'm like--
I was like, if you wanna earn respect from my parents, you have to prostrate.
And he didn't do it.
And now he also wants to get the respect from them.
What does it actually mean when somebody kneels down?
What does it mean for the family?
It's greeting someone and showing that you respect them
in the highest level in our culture, pretty much.
Okay, so you're respecting their wisdom…
-Exactly, yeah. -…their age, their experien--
-You're nodding your head? -No, 'cause you earn respect.
You don't give respect 'cause someone's older than you.
But they have earned it in terms of their life.
But not in front of me. I don't know them.
-But you know her. -That's what I'm saying. We're all equal.
If I don't know you, I'm not gonna give you respect 'cause you're older.
You need to show your family that, you know what I mean, we come first.
So you think all this time I haven't seen them for months,
you still believe that I'm putting them first?
[Karen] Is that what you want,
Maria on side with you and your couple first and foremost?
How will that leave Maria and her relationship with her family?
-Well-- -It's really gone to shit, so…
My relationship with my family has changed a lot
since this whole situation with Viktor.
And that's just simply because if I go to see my family,
Viktor will see it as betrayal.
So the fact that this happened is just sad
because we used to spend a lot of time together.
[Karen] I think I wanna do an exercise here.
"When I feel disrespected, what helps you?"
Positive thoughts.
-Focus on the goal, focus on the dream. -[Karen] Is that what you do?
Yeah, I just-- I've learned just to-- I've learned to block these stuff,
and they just… Doof, doof.
Do you know that?
-Yeah, he uses that to fuel himself, yeah. -It's a fuel, yeah.
-Thank you. That is a fuel. -He uses that to fuel himself.
-Hatred. -"I'm gonna show you one day."
Yeah, disrespect, I'll show you one day. That's fuel for everything, yeah.
-When did you start doing that? -Yeah, very young age, yeah.
Why?
I think it comes from my childhood. I was a bit misunderstood.
I didn't really have anyone in my corner growing up.
My mum and dad got divorced.
It was always me against my sisters when it came to, like--
From my family, from my parents.
I grew up a little bit lonely, I think.
I had to preserve myself.
-I had to, like, save myself in a way. -[Karen] Defend?
-Yeah, I had to defend myself somehow. -Yeah.
Survival instinct.
-Yeah. -[Karen] Yes.
[melancholy music plays]
-You knew that? -Yeah. It's sad.
That's what the defense is about though, isn't it?
-To cover it up. -Mmm.
-You have to. [chuckles] -Oh, bless you.
You cannot show it, especially as a…
Can you not show it here with Maria?
-[Maria] No. -No.
This is the person that means the world to you.
How come you're not talking about this, your vulnerability,
your… That softness, that fragility?
[Viktor] I have to be the strong one. I'm the head. I'm the leader.
Isn't the beauty of you two that actually you're both in it together?
Isn't that what you want?
Haven't you chosen somebody who's equally strong?
Yeah. However, I… I don't know.
I don't think it'd be beneficial for us and me as a head, as a leader
if I show vulnerability.
I'll be more respected if I don't. If anything, I'll be--
Maybe not within an intimate relationship like this.
Maybe the vulnerability is where it really is.
That's where you get the respect.
-Just a thought. -Mm-hmm.
Okay, when you feel disrespected, what would help you?
-So I'm very big on writing poems. -Do you share it with Viktor?
-No. [laughs] -She doesn't let me.
-I've asked so many times. -I don't let him read my poems.
She doesn't want me to. I don't know why.
-They're too deep. [laughs nervously] -Okay. I've got a bit of homework.
No!
[Karen] I've got a bit of homework.
-One poem. -[laughs]
-Okay. -[Karen] He reads.
-Fine. -And don't filter.
One poem you're allowing him to read.
-Okay. -Thanks, guys.
[upbeat song plays]
We as a species, we have to protect ourselves.
Viktor has defensive strategies from very early on,
and for him to drop it is hard.
♪ Don't make me lose control ♪
♪ Ooh ♪
[Karen] There are similarities between Mike and Viktor.
They're both trying to be the men they think they should be,
not allowing themselves to show their emotions,
to show their vulnerability, their true selves.
They both have authentic male energy,
a strength, a sensitivity,
but they have difficulty tapping into all of it.
[song ends]
-[Karen] Hi Michael, Yasmin. Welcome back. -[Mike] How you doing?
[Karen] Can we recap a little bit of the last session?
Because it felt quite intense.
I've been made redundant.
[inhales]
And, um, it's been two months.
I can't even look at you right now. I can't.
I was in disbelief.
I felt like we left with more problems than we came with.
It's been a bit difficult for me to unpack all of that
and try and keep in mind a clear vision of where we're going.
Thank you.
Mike, for you?
I know I've obviously used this opportunity
to speak about the problems that I've got on my mind.
But I don't want this to be a session where it's all about crucifying me.
In between the sessions, what's gone on between you?
Have you discussed this?
Since then, we've spoke about my finances.
I felt really uncomfortable, like I'm being treated like a child.
It doesn't make me feel nice at all.
[Yasmin] There's an element of doubt now in whatever he's saying to me.
Can you hear that? Can you hear that the trust is broken?
Yeah.
Now, homework.
You wrote down things that you find hard to say to each other.
-Yeah. -[Karen] Yeah?
Do you wanna sit facing each other while we do this little exercise?
Yasmin, you lead.
So I need you to be consistent with your support around day-to-day life,
and not just when I'm finding it hard.
[sighs]
It's the day-to-day running of the house.
-Is this changing now you're not working? -No, it hasn't changed at all.
I'm using most of my mental capacity to try and find a new job.
And I'm using my mental capacity to work all day,
manage our son before I get to work.
So all day--
Doing full-time mum when I get home from work.
That's what I'm talking about. It doesn't matter what I say,
she's always doing more.
You seem to feel resentful about that, Michael.
Yeah. Maybe there is a little bit of resentment.
But what's the resentment about?
[Mike] For example, when I walk through the door,
it's not, "Hello, babe. I understand you're tired, but can you help me?"
"Here's a kiss and a hug."
It's just straight, "Get into work now. Can you help me with this?"
"Can you make sure he's bathed, brushed his teeth, the dishes are washed."
"'Cause I need to do something else."
-[Karen] What about-- -No intimacy, no affection.
I'm running on empty. What do you want me to do with that?
Yasmin?
I don't even have time for myself.
I'm exhausted and overstimulated.
-Let's move on to your homework, Michael. -[exhales, clears throat]
"I regret not telling Yas the whole truth about my financial situation."
"And obviously, telling her in this way has broken her trust."
But there's a part of me that wants her to just take it easy a little bit.
Give me-- Like, give me some sort of grace.
I know I'm in the wrong. You know what I mean?
[Karen] Yeah, I hear you.
But part of getting her trust really is hearing her in this session
and seeing what she might need and just hearing her exhaustion.
It's not a competition. It's about two people helping each other.
There's somehow gotta be some equality.
There's a system that's gotta come through this
to get you both on the same page around this.
-[Yasmin] Mm. -Yeah.
[Karen] Yasmin?
[breathes deeply]
"I am fearful that your spending habits will remain the same
and I will always have to have a backup plan
when it comes to finances."
[Mike] I'll do my best,
but I don't know if you're ever gonna let go of this mistrust.
Your last one, Michael.
"I do not feel as though my intimacy and affection needs
are being met by Yasmin."
Do you think there's any reason why Yasmin might be resistant to intimacy?
You would never know what it feels like to be me,
knowing that she doesn't feel like you're doing enough around the house
and then trying to get intimacy
or some sort of affection from your missus,
and she's still saying, "Nah, don't feel like it,"
because the dishes are not washed.
It's probably not 'cause the dishes are not washed.
-But let's… let's talk to Yasmin about it. -[Mike clears throat]
If my time was freed up
and I didn't feel like it was just go, go, go, go, go,
then I might be more receptive.
[Mike] Nah, it's a losing battle.
So when she does come home, and I have tidied up things,
and I have done this, and the house is spotless,
and then sometimes I do expect it at the end of the day,
she goes, "What, is this a transaction?"
For me, I'm viewing it as like, "Okay, so you see this as a means to an end."
-What woman-- -Sometimes, yes.
What woman is gonna be like, "Oh, yeah, thanks for helping me."
"I'm gonna repay you with my body"?
-What? What century are we in? -[Karen] Hold on.
Let's dial back. What happened before?
What was it like in the beginning? How has this got to this stage?
We've always been like cuddles, kisses, hugs, holding hands,
but when it comes to where it's just time for us,
we don't have as much as we used to.
-[Mike] Can I say-- -Yes.
That's the way I connect, through physical touch.
Through… through intimacy, through sex, through hugging, through kissing.
She's absolutely gorgeous, and I'm not allowed to touch it.
It's like having something you really want,
but not being able to touch it.
[clears throat]
I feel like this year has been one of the hardest years of my life.
The mix of the family, running a house, working full-time,
and all of that is on my shoulders.
-I don't think it's that at all. -So, what do you think it is, Mike?
I think it's more linked to the fact that I don't think she finds me attractive,
I'll be honest with you.
-I don't know if it's because-- -When did you start feeling like that?
Well, more recent
because I've been getting affection and intimacy less and less.
[tense music plays]
Do you even find me attractive?
[music intensifies]
[music ends]
♪ Have mercy ♪
♪ Oh Lord, have mercy Mercy, mercy on me ♪
♪ Have mercy ♪
♪ Oh Lord, have mercy Mercy, mercy on me ♪
[song ends] have mercy Mercy, mercy on me ♪