You were right, Tutu.
A swine should stick to feasting on garbage.
Trying a cake will only give it diarrhea.
It's recording, by the way.
Damn it! Who's going to tell me, your father?
Sorry.
Yeah, but the picture is all black.
-Take off the cover, you oaf! -The cover?
-Yes. -Now?
Yeah, earlier it was completely black. But now it's black and white.
-But you can see now? -Yes.
-Okay. -Yap away!
Hi. Myself Dev.
Dev, stick to Hindi so you can actually speak
-and we can understand you. -Yes.
Attaboy.
Hello.
I'm Dev, and this is my best friend…
Tutu.
And we're both…
Rascals.
POLITICIAN
Hey, open the gate!
-Open it! It's the minister. -Sir, the train is about to come…
Open it, man. Open it!
We're getting late, you fool!
Do you want me to get out there and tell you myself?
Hey, don't open it. Do you want to get the minister killed?
I'm stuck in the middle, man.
My words must sting right now, sir.
But just imagine, the gate opens, your car crosses,
and then it stalls right in the middle of the tracks.
And just then, the train comes!
Have you thought about it?
Like a lamb to the slaughter!
Someone gag this foul-mouthed fool,
-or I'll shoot him! -Hey, hey, hey!
Stay away! No touching! Even I'm in politics.
Will you only shut up when I kill you?
Okay, brother, raise the crossing. Let the minister pass.
Stay alert, the whistle's blowing.
Your ticket's been punched, and up you'll be going!
I'll blow your whistle!
Let go of me!
I, Surra Pehelwan, promise you this! Bring this scoundrel in!
Sir…
Why did we turn out like this?
The fact is, if Gandhi had been born to Hitler,
he wouldn't have been Gandhi, he'd have been a Nazi.
What he means is, a child can be born anywhere,
but it's the environment that shapes who he becomes.
No one knows where we were born,
but we were found in a garbage can,
our faces licked by stray dogs.
Bhaiyaji raised us.
So we grew up as Bhaiyaji's own.
We grew up on gunshots instead of lullabies.
At an age when we should've been picking up pencils,
we were picking up pistols.
Instead of learning "A for apple" and "B for ball,"
we learned "M for murder" and "C for crime."
Until the age of 13, we endured pain.
By 15…
we started giving it back.
And at 18…
We had our first taste of blood.
Even a dog barks for you if you feed him a bone and pet his tummy…
So, we always bark for Bhaiyaji.
Yeah, and we bite for him too.
Two shadows descend upon a tarry road.
Each breastfed on gulps of blood.
Illegitimate children of the night, perhaps.
Abandoned by earth, orphaned by the skies…
Their story, this, a tale of crumpled lives.
Look… a silly star in the sky…
Stuck forever the poor guy
This sorry earth spinning dizzy…
Twists and turns all day Just to get by
We too must not get…
Stuck in between
Stop this spinning!
Life's too short to just be living
So my friend… my fellow king
So my friend…
Live and die…
Because tomorrow is just a lie
All we have is today!
K -K -Kill… D -D -Dil… K -K -Kill… D -D -Dil…
Life makes you pay dearly…
It's such a raw deal
It's a long bumpy truck ride…
And there's never a free meal
Even these breaths we borrow…
Will escape us tomorrow
We seek a home around every bend…
Only the road knows Where it will end
So live it up…
A day or two…
More or less
Let's drink up
Buddy even if it's our tears…
Friends & friendships
Will last forever
This stream of stars
Will shine wherever
'Cause mate the shiniest Of all of them is you
K -K -Kill… D -D -Dil… K -K -Kill… D -D -Dil…
If we didn't have to peel these nuts, and there were no 'Ifs and Buts'…
…life would have been so simple.
Hello, Bhaiyaji!
Just water, or something with some water.
Today, it has to be with some water Bhaiyaji.
Meaning Minister Surra Pehelwan has ascended from earth.
More like nailed to it. With a 100 grams of hot lead inside him.
Why are you so sad, Batuk?
Couldn't steal candy from the kids today?
One day show them, what you're made of.
But get me a napkin first.
Good show.
Bhaiyaji, it's just a good time.
It's good that the times are good.
Bhaiyaji, you're always spoiling us.
Tell me…
Do people turn into stars after they die?
That's what the living seem to think.
So how many of these stars did we 'make'?
11… counting today's kill.
Dude, that guy must still be enroute… he wouldn't reach that fast.
Look at him go… our Star.
Okay, so tell me…
How many of these must be rascals?
Rascals?
Only 2.
You…
…and I.
Here, stamp me!
Sir, stags are not allowed.
Sir, there don't have stags.
No problem, we only want whiskey. Stamp!
No problem, we only want whiskey. Stamp me!
-Stamp! -Sir… men alone are not allowed.
Men alone! Should've got auntie along.
-Stamp! -Sir!
This man wants to say something to you. Is he allowed in?
He is the father… everyone's father!
Who let the dogs out…
Dude, I don't get these songs.
If your ears are numb, chew some gum.
What would you like to order, sir?
Get me some beer, buddy.
Pitcher or mug?
No pictures.
Get us one bottle with two glasses.
Now race like a bullet and fetch like an arrow.
Okay, sir.
Who let the dogs out…
Attaboy!
Bro, she's coming here.
Dude, English… talk in English.
Uncle… why bore a hole through that menu card…
…just for a few glimpses…
…here, stare all you want…
…after all isn't this, why we girls deck up…
…so that 'young at heart' leeches like you can leech at us.
No?
Scoundrel!
Sorry… sister.
That's a sparkling Diwali firecracker.
Hey Uncle!
Happy Diwali.
Bro, that chick is too sweet.
Sorry.
Yup, and she is always giving off heat.
What the hell are you doing?
Dude, that idiot's pulled out a gun.
He's showing off, won't fire.
Let it be dude, you don't know how to fire.
And you're an expert on shooting guns?
Bloody lady-fingers, you don't need fingers to shoot, you need guts.
I've been shooting guns…
…since the time you weren't even inside your mother…
You were still inside your father.
Now you want to get out or get done?
Buzz off or I'll turn you into a star.
Thank God you intervened otherwise anything could have happened.
Thanks.
This calls for a hug…
Thanks.
Yeah…
It's a good thing I came, or anything could've happened.
What was the matter?
Nothing… we were dancing and he felt me up here.
So I felt him up some here.
Just a little harder than him, did I do any wrong?
Not at all… just repaid with interest.
Oh great grandson of Nero.
Hello friend!
Rome is in flames… shall we leave?
Because of you the club has shut down.
Why don't you guys come over to our place?
What?
Just come with us…
We were anyway heading to his place for an 'after-party'
No, we've a little work to do.
Thank you.
Come on.
My life must be worth 2-3 drinks at the least…
…just think of it that way.
-No… -Why not…
Awesome!
So come!
Why not… you're a big hero, aren't you… Watch out.
It's all right.
Wow! Is this yours?
It is for now.
Can I ride?
If you can start it, you can ride it.
One of you can come in my car.
That will be me…
Okay.
You can take the highway to hell.
Take care.
I said…
Dev's hanging with such bubbleheads.
I was getting free booze…
Forget those bubbleheads, I would've gone with 'this' bubblehead too.
I love bullets.
What?
Why are you being a girl… you can sit closer.
By God… what a scent.
So what were you saying?
I love Bullet… bikes.
Even we love bullets… firing them… riding them.
-Can I ask you a question? -You can ask two.
You felt no fear when you saw the gun?
Fear… huh… Fear is afraid of us, madam.
Thank God I didn't fear…
If I did, I would be going home with Tutu, and not you.
You could've gotten shot.
There's no bullet in the world that can touch this body, madam.
It's better I get shot than you…
The bugger is flirting.
Did I overdo it…?
Did you say something?
-Nope. -Then say something…
You look like a ruffian, but you are quite sweet.
If only you knew the reality… you'd drop dead, madam.
Thank you.
Ask me something else.
Jenny, Chimsy, Pratty… and I am Disha.
All that is fine… but where's the wine?
That way.
You know if he doesn't get his booze on time, he gets a hangover.
The bar is open, guys.
Oh bar! Bar is open.
Got you to the right place, didn't I?
Will you take it with water?
I think my mouth's watering enough… I'll take just the alcohol.
Cheers, guys!
So do all of you guys just keep blowing away your dad's riches?
Dad's… we're blowing away our own!
You guys earn your own?
It doesn't look like you guys do!
Yeah! Jenny's a chain snatcher, Chimsy's a pickpocket…
Pratty and I drug people, and pull off train robberies.
Well, that makes us sharpshooters.
Anyway, Jenny's a doctor…
Chimsy's a singer and Pratty has his own business.
You did not ask about us?
How can we resist, when you insist?
I am Dev and this is my best friend, Tutu.
-Hi. -Hello!
So what do you guys do?
-We're murd… -Mur… Marketers…
Boss gives the targets, we finish them.
What kind of targets?
Targets of all kinds… they can be thin, fat, small, large… anything.
You didn't say what do you do?
Are you serving it with the frying pan?!
Pratty!
He's always messing with the hot stuff.
You, please sit.
You didn't say what do you do?
Are you okay? I am so sorry.
You know what they say in films…
'In Friendship… there's No sorry and No thank you'.
Take your time… there are still 3-4 bottles left.
Ex convicts, who've served their time… I help rehabilitate them.
You help what 'tate' them?
I get them normal jobs, carpenters, tailors, plumbers, whatever…
Why?
So they don't go back to a life of crime.
Let's go?
We must go.
Thank you!
What happened?
Okay!
Are you sleeping?
Nope… I'm thinking…
Such a cute girl that Disha is, but she has such a dangerous job.
We have a more dangerous job…
We're just not that cute.
I mean, look at that Jenny…
She's a doctor!
Bloody who can tell what a person is by just looking at them.
-So do we look like sharpshooters? -Yup.
Dude…
Okay tell me, what If I was a doctor?
You'd still be killing people, my child… even then.
Even then.
Here, my sleepy lion!
At least wash it man, now even the tea tastes like whiskey.
It is the chick's text…
She's thanking me again for saving her life.
Scoundrel, you've taken her number also.
If the giver has no problem, why should the receiver.
And why should the receiver's friend?!
Now?
This is the first time a decent girl's messaged me.
I have to give a fitting reply… something classy.
I'm going to say…
'Where there is a damsel in crisis, a true macho man rises'!
Dude, just quietly send her one of those corny internet, forward jokes.
Decent or indecent?
That's up to you.
I'll send her a 'your mama is so fat…'
Go…go…gone!
Dude, what is this 'Lol'?
Lol?… meaning L O and L again?
Yes, Lol! Look.
Is she mad at me?
Come, let's check it!
Hurry, and quickly search what does this mean, please.
Then you only tell me.
LOL means Laugh Out Loud.
When someone likes a joke or a forward, that makes laugh hard…
They send a message saying LOL.
LOL.
The girl is laughing.
Hey, should I send her the one with the cats and dogs?
There are a hundred of them.
Dude, the one where the cat's in front and the dog's behind…
No, my child…
No!
Incoming! Stop, stop, stop…
What's coming?
Hey, what does "ROFL" now?
Turn around…
ROFL means "Rolling on the Floor Laughing."
When someone's in splits, they're in "ROFL."
ROFL!
Fill it up, just fill it up!
Who is this villain?!
Is he a lover?
He's a brother…
Are you going to kiss her through those binoculars?
Wow!
Hey, why did you stop it? Play it!
And now, coming in from downtown, we have Sunny, Manny,
and Fanny, and their daddy Shaad Ali! They want to hear
Adnan Sami sing this song from the film Sweeta,
with music by Shankar-Ehsaan-Loy and lyrics by Gulzar!
I can tell by the look in your eyes
There's a gentle kindness in them
We don't need a place to meet…
If your arms could take me in
My eyes have gotten a taste of yours
I tuck its sweetness away It engulfs my insides
Chocolate pieces
Your lips taste like Honey-tipped slices
Sweeta!
Nothing could taste any sweeter!
Sweeta… Oh Sweeta!
Nothing could taste any sweeter
Sweeta… Oh Sweeta!
Nothing could taste any sweeter
My heart's playing tricks on me again…
Scoffing at my plight and my pain
Racing my pulses against me…
About to be bitten again
Hypnotized by this dreamy haze
Every day, I tell myself
In the sweltering desert
You're the holy sherbet
You're a soul quencher, Sweeta
Dear Sweeta! Turn the volume down…
Okay.
Nothing could taste sweeter!
You're here?
Were you following me?
-Oh, no… -Tell me the truth, I won't say a word.
You got me.
You wanted to see who I meet,
where I go, and whether I have a boyfriend or not?
Any problem, madam?
-What's your problem? -Get lost.
But how did you catch me?
Does this cookbook have recipes to fool people?
I should go.
Wait!
-Coffee? -No.
Why not?
You've worked so hard. You've earned one coffee.
So, Mr. Dev, what's your plan for the evening?
It's wonderful.
You said coffee, so here I am.
If you say "come home," then I'll come to your home.
And what if I say "I want to slap you"?
Then I'll head straight to my home.
What do you call an Indian girl…
who pushes her father off the roof?
Tell me.
You tell me.
Push…Pa.
Push…pa!
What a name.
That's so LOL, Bhaiyaji!
ROFL… that was ROFL.
Enough of clowning…
Shall we work?
He looks familiar, Bhaiyaji.
Mr. Gulabchand.
He's the jeweler on market street.
Didn't we get this chain from his shop?
The scoundrel ripped us off, today we set it straight.
You just need to threaten him first…
If he refuses to pay…
…then make him pay.
Okay! Done, got it, Bhaiyaji.
See you.
Bhaiyaji, enough of this hack jobs, give me a chance for something big.
-Will you have soda? -No.
I will have some.
What a surprise Chimsy, what's up?
We're throwing Disha a surprise birthday party tonight.
She'll like it if you guys come.
Even we will like it.
But do you mean it or are you just being polite?
You saved our lives, of course we mean it.
When should we surface?
Everyone will be there by 11.30.
We'll finish work by 11 right?
Yeah, we will be there as soon as we finish.
Dude, it's 10 already…
Hey Clint Eastwood… no one's called, we still need to buy Disha a gift.
Man, you never got me a gift on my birthday.
Did you ever invite me to a birthday party?
Come on man, this is the first time a nice girl's invited me.
A gift is a must bro!
If you need to piss, go ahead…
It will wash along with your blood tomorrow.
Spit it out.
Speak.
Whatever gift you want, just take it from here… free of charge.
Man, we are hunters, not lowly punters.
Free of charge.
So let's buy it bro, outside everyone must have shut shop.
So tell me sir, do you have something nice?
We've earrings, anklets, 'Bindis', Toe rings… lockets… pendants…
It really depends on what your budget is and…
making charges will be extra please!
What will I get in 5?
-Thousand or lacs? -Thousand.
For that much you'll not even get the gold dust for the earrings.
You can look somewhere else please… I'm sorry.
Oh, sorry please…
Can you give me bangles for 15?
Okay… meet me half way… let's shake on 20!
20!
It's a pair… for both the hands. Please free my hands also…
And if we don't want to give 20?
You only have to decide…
…if you're hunters or punters.
Is it?!
-Both the options are open, I mean! -I see.
We're here to rip him open, and he's ripping us off…
-Is it?! -No.
Very good!
Not a word.
Yes, Bhaiyaji!
Now?
Now meaning?
Okay, Bhaiyaji.
No, man… Sorry… sir…
Shut your ears
Please let me go sir…
You messed with us, we messed with you… score settled.
Money, sir?
50 lacs… the cost of your life…
…and this 20 thousand are making charges…
…extra.
Okay.
Sir, if you could untie me…
My child… itchy are we?
How did you guess sir?
'Cause you're scratching me, instead of yourself.
Oh! No wonder, I wasn't getting any relief.
Have you never given someone a surprise?
Oh don't ask… we've surprised people in the toilet…
…behind curtains, from above lifts… and from where not…
We've surprised people…
So much that they could no longer celebrate their birthday at all.
Wow! Even I want such a surprise.
May God grant you your wish.
SURPRISE!
Happy birthday to you!
Oh, my God. Even you guys.
-Happy 'bud-day'! -Thank you… How sweet!
Thank you…
Happy 'bud-day'… from Tutu's side too!
Thank you…
And… Happy 'Bud-day', from both our sides.
-Surprise! -Nice. Very nice.
Very sweet! Thank you.
Thank you so much.
Will you have something?
We'll have enough to equal the cost of the gift.
-You guys are so funny. -We are just god-gifted.
Disha, guess what? Sam is here!
Come, you have to meet him, come!
Sorry, I'll just come
Why is your friend so lost?
'Cause he doesn't have a girlfriend. That's why!
And why are you always so chirpy?
'Cause I don't have a girlfriend. That's why!
Disha come! Cake is ready!
-Come, guys. -Come.
Happy 'bud-day' to you
Happy happy 'bud-day' to you…
Happy birthday, dear Disha!
Come.
Happy 'bud-day' to you
Happy happy 'bud-day' to you
Come on.
Hey baby here's a charm To guard your sweet sixteen
Please! Always stay This nubile little teen
You'll only grow younger
Cause age is just a number
And we can continue our rendezvous…
Happy 'bud-day' to you
Happy happy 'bud-day' to you
Lock up every Tom Dick and Harry but…
Why are we lovers under curfew?
Sadday… Vadday… Come on your birthday
Happy… shappy… Happy shappy badday
Sadday… Vadday… Come on your birthday
Happy… shappy…
Happy budday to you…
If a suitor, was to totter…
Knocking at your door…
Ring no bells roll no drums And no wedding band
Hey hey hey…
If this caller was to holler
Empty handed
Wear no rings cut no cakes And no first dance
You're no Juliet… True that!
You're no Eve… True that!
He was no Adam either… True that!
La La La…
But a Romeo he was to you…
Hey Happy… hey Shappy
Happy 'bud-day' to you!
Happy happy 'bud-day' to you…
Lock up every Tom Dick and Harry but…
Why are we lovers under curfew?
Sadday… Vadday… Come on your birthday
Happy… shappy… Happy shappy badday
Sadday… Vadday… Come on your birthday
-Happy… Shappy… -Happy 'bud-day' to you…
Happy 'bud-day' to you!
By the way, how old have your turned today?
Forty.
Wow!
You've really maintained yourself, you don't look a day over 25.
Are you flirting with me?
No, I'm just trying to flirt.
I hope you don't fall for me. I'm a hard nut to crack.
I am just…
You're a naive puppy when it comes to love… but you're sweet.
Take care, farewell…
Eat well, sleep on time…
And do write in.
God knows what tomorrow will bring, but you take care.
Best birthday ever!
Love, had happened to him.
How did you come to know?
It was all over your face, you donkey…
And when a man falls in love, he starts looking like a donkey.
You were my son till today…
Now you're a son of this soil.
Jai Hind!
We regret this war has claimed so many lives…
…but trust me neither of the two governments want this war.
MONSTER! You're a monster!
-How do you like it? -It was nice.
Was? There's still an hour to go.
It's a bore.
Then let's go somewhere else.
Speak the truth, it'll serve you well.
Yes, madam.
Hello, Bhaiyaji.
This is the first time I've seen you alone.
No, Bhaiyaji, we had too much to drink last night so…
So much that…
You're still hung-over at night?
I hope Dev's not on some other intoxicant.
No, Bhaiyaji, nothing like that. I am with him.
-Bhaiyaji, dinner? -You guys eat… I don't want to.
Look… you're older than him…
…take care of him…
Okay, Bhaiyaji
And of this guy.
Really? That's killer!
Mom…
Yeah, mom?
No don't wait for me, I'll eat out.
No… you eat.
Does your mom also worry so much?
If I had one, she probably would.
Oh! I am sorry.
It's okay!
Tell me?
Do you mind if someone else shares the table with us?
-It's cool? -Yeah, it's cool.
Hey, kiddo…?
-Yeah? -Do you want bread?
Come.
Mr. Waiter, take the gentleman's order.
Curry, bread and butter milk…
No! A milkshake.
Milkshake!
Milkshake, huh?
Listen, now don't interrupt, when grown ups talk.
Sir, do you mind if someone else shares the table with us?
Do you mind?
I don't mind at all
Not at all.
Binno!
Mr. Waiter, take the lady's order too.
Look when grown ups are talking…
…I won't interrupt them.
Okay, see you soon.
Why? You're afraid of asking me if you can drop me home?
-So, I'll drop you home. -So, come.
Can I ask you something else?
If you can start it, you can drive it.
I swear, you're god-gifted.
How much is it for?
You were my son till today… Son?
You were my son till today…
…now you're the son of this soil…
What a play, dude!
Can we go tomorrow again?
No man, the play was lame.
If it wasn't for Disha, I would've left earlier.
If it wasn't for Disha, I wouldn't have gone to Bhaiyaji's alone.
What are you saying, man.
You're not in love, are you?
Bhaiyaji's not offended, is he?
He will be, if you don't come tomorrow to meet him.
Why won't I. Chill man… chill…
Ch-ch-ch-chill chill.
Sorry, sir!
Don't you think Chimsy will look exactly like this when he grows old?
Bro, I'm feeling bad, let's put some shades on him…
Here, please put them on.
Wait a second.
Okay.
Can I have my shades back? You won't feel bad, right?
You're lit like the moon today, my firecracker.
I hope Bhaiyaji doesn't light a match and set you off.
Handsome!
Hello.
You won't wish me Happy Diwali?
Happy Diwali!
You won't meet and wish me?
-Get home in a jiffy. -But Disha I…
I, if and but can wait till tomorrow.
You're the life of every party, and I don't want a boring party.
You have to be there okay? Final!
Thank you, sir!
Come on bro, we're late!
I'm going over to Disha's.
Have you lost it?
You know what you are doing?
Dev!
A mongrel can chase a car as long as he wants…
He'll never get to ride inside…
And what's giving you this air?
Just because she hugged you once…
She's sweet to everybody, don't assume she's in love with you.
And for a second let's believe she does love you…
It's only till she finds out the truth about you.
The day she finds out 'what you are' she won't even spit in your face.
Dev!
I know, you know all of this…
Do you or don't you?!
I'm leaving.
When your own sparkler shies away from home, and shines for others…
Then we've got a problem!
She's just a friend, Bhaiyaji.
And I…
I'm his father…
Father.
Mom, vermilion.
I've started liking you…
I don't know why, but I think I have.
Speak up, my love… Tell me My love… Speak up, my love
-When he passes by… -Speak up, my love…
-These streets today… -Speak up, my love…
-In your doorway… -Speak up, my love…
Light a candle
At your doorway
Fling the doors open
He might return home
Let him not lose his way
If he finds his way home
Let no one sleep tonight
Let's bathe these streets in light
-Let's bathe these streets in light -Speak up, my love…
Let's make him stay this time
-When you passed by… -Speak up, my love
-These streets today… -Speak up, my love
-Even the candle lights… -Speak up, my love
Couldn't believe their eyes
He's traveled home From a hundred light-years away
These eyes are numb The heart swells with tears
-Let no one sleep tonight… -Speak up, my love…
-Let's bathe these streets in light -Speak up, my love…
-Let's make him stay this time -Speak up, my love…
Come back so there are no regrets
This habit of heartbreak The heart frets
Come back, come back home
Test me until the heart Can no longer complain
No one who returns Should ever have to leave again
Test me! Test me, my love
When you come home Don't look back
When you leave Don't wait and look back
-When he passes by… -Speak up, my love…
-These streets today… -Speak up, my love…
-In your doorway… -Speak up, my love…
-Light a candle in your doorway -Speak up, my love
Throw the doors wide open
He might find his way back home
Let him not lose his way
And if he finds his way home
-Let no one sleep tonight… -Speak up, my love…
-Let's bathe these streets in light -Speak up, my love…
Let's make him stay this time
Happy Diwali!
Belated.
Bhaiyaji? You?
You didn't come,
so I thought I'd drop by.
No, Bhaiyaji, I wasn't feeling well…
Your fever's gone now! Shall we get to work?
Can I get you something, Bhaiyaji?
I'll take a life.
His life.
Yes, Bhaiyaji!
Listen, this is important.
I'm trusting you. Don't let me down.
Driver, drive.
Faster!
Get us out of here! Hurry!
-What are you doing? -Shoot, Dev! Shoot!
What are you waiting for? Shoot!
I've started liking you…
I don't know why, but I think I have.
Shoot!
What are you doing, Dev?
Driver, drive! Hurry!
-Tutu? -Tutu, what?
I knew this would happen!
This is the first time we've missed our target!
What are we going to tell Bhaiyaji?
What will we say?
Bhaiyaji, the target got away!
Do you know him? Do you?
Yes, Bhaiyaji.
Bhaiyaji, you're right…
Yes, Bhaiyaji, we're coming…
Yeah, we'll be there.
I'm always the one cleaning up your mess! Every single time…
What's this?
What are you doing?
Do you remember, Tutu…
When we were kids and we had grown tired of being good…
We had buried our books…
…saying we'll never touch them again.
Well today, I'm tired of being bad.
So, you're giving up our friendship?
Shut up!
Don't even think that!
I'm just giving up the gun.
Hey, have you ever felt love…
…affection, or even fondness for someone?
No, Bhaiyaji, none of the three… never.
And you guys?
No, Bhaiyaji
But sir has… and that too all three.
On occasion of losing his senses…
…jump through hoops and find me some sweets!
NOW!
What now?
Nothing, Bhaiyaji, I need your permission to give up all this.
That… I can see.
But I want to know what do you plan to do then?
I Mean…
-I'll manage something small, Bhaiyaji. -Nonsense!
Something small…
Will you start selling hot dogs by the road…
…or will you become a janitor.
You had flunked 5th grade, right?
Or have you completed college behind my back too?
No, Bhaiyaji, I'll figure something out… anything.
You're not freaking getting me.
It's all fun being in love right now, you know why?
'Cause if you want to take the chick some place nice…
…you reach for your pocket and notes just appear.
If you want to buy her some popcorn… you reach for your pocket…
And notes just appear.
If you want to take her to the movies,
…you reach for your pocket… and out comes what?!
You know what…
But when that pocket is torn, empty…
…and you reach out for it, what will you get.
Nonsense!
Your chick will fly away, my child.
So, listen to me…
I wish you well…
Keep romancing the chick and keep coming to work.
That's it.
If I advise you anymore I'll have to charge you.
Show's over… see you tomorrow.
I won't be able to, Bhaiyaji.
Bhaiyaji!
Can you hear me better now?
Sit… SIT!
And all of you hear me carefully…
If I say Sit, then you sit.
If I say up, then get UP.
If I say Spit, you have to SPIT IT OUT.
And if I say Lick, you will lie down and lick it clean.
Fallen in love…
Won't be able to…
I running a business here…
…not some charity
…that you can just come and go, whenever you want.
Ungrateful snake, I fed him all these years…
…and now he wants to hiss back at me.
I too have given back to you, Bhaiyaji.
You want to show me the accounts, should I settle them right here?
Bhaiyaji, let it go… he's a kid.
You were kids… when those dogs were ripping you apart…
If you can, pay me back with your lives.
And if I hear a word more, I'll bury you right here.
He's not in his senses. I'll talk to him… I will.
Out!
What's wrong with you?
Apologize, before you go.
I'm bad at math, so I won't count to 3.
Say Sorry…
Say it.
Forgive me, Bhaiyaji.
Bhaiyaji, spared you…
If it were me, Bhaiyaji would've shot me without a doubt.
I don't care if he kills me, man…
It's better than dying a little, every day.
We went through so much, man. And you still refuse to get this.
You are not getting this, Tutu!
Dude, I'm not going to be able to lift a gun now.
How do I tell you, it repulses me.
Dude, I'm done living this way…
I want to start over now.
I want to live with Disha.
I want to be able to look into her eyes, not shy away.
I want to live like a decent human being.
If I die tomorrow I don't want to regret that…
I didn't even give it a shot.
I'm not upset that Bhaiyaji doesn't get it.
I'm sad that you don't seem to get it.
Come here.
Listen…
We will go together to Bhaiyaji to take the hit-jobs.
We will also go together to take the money.
But in between, I will continue to live this same old life…
…and you will start your new life. That's it!
What if we are caught?
Who has ever been able to catch us?
How will they?
You're a rascal, bro.
There's only one rascal now…
Who quits a job without getting another one?
You won't get that the joy of it.
What will you do now?
The same thing that any great man does before he becomes great…
Struggle.
Should I speak to my daddy?
What's the hurry, first let me become a great man.
For a job, you idiot.
Yeah, no let me try it out first.
If I don't then 'Hail Daddy'.
You're feeling an urge to kiss me?
My, you are god gifted!
Don't even think about it!
Okay.
Manager wanted… MBA…
Salesman wanted… College graduate…
-Construction Supervisor… -Civil Engineer…
A helper… school pass… What the hell, man…
This country has no jobs for 5th grade flunks!
I've heard of lambs going to slaughter…
Never seen the slaughterer screwed by the lambs before.
Calm down… Come.
Where?
You've passed, my child…
That too with distinction.
MBA… that too with distinction…
If you ask me, he shouldn't have more than passing marks…
There are other degrees too…
Why not a Masters in Political Science?
With the bare passing marks…
…and the best thing is this degree even suits his face…
I am wondering what will suit your face?
I mean, can this poor man not even joke with you, sir?
-Of course, he can… -So, it's final then… MBA…
-1st class with distinction… -That's nice…
-Show it. -Here.
Congratulations.
Dude, you've actually passed!
Here, laddoos!
Choose (Excuse) me Madam?
Why?
I want toilet…
What?
The restroom?
Go Left!
Tell me… what are your views on India's current foreign policy.
Yeah yeah okay, fine…
This policy giving electric current to common man…
But common man's home no electric current everyday…
No TV, no tubelight, no water… but foreign, full day current…
Full day TV, full day tubelight, full day water…
Water?
Mr. Verma did you not screen everyone?
What kind of people have you called?
In this exercise you have to convince my colleague, Mr. Gupta…
…to buy this product from you.
Sir, these are our LED lights…
200% more energy efficient than other brands.
The best investment for your house.
-Sir, just take it, sir. -What?
-Lights, sir. -What is this?
Sir, just take it… My brother's really sick.
But…
Sir, please try and understand Sir… my brother is sick…
I need this sale… sir, please try and understand… Lights, sir!
Are you crazy?
C'mon man, this is not right
Are you mad?
Lights!
A girl can turn a lion into a mouse…
This gentleman had gone from being a hitman to being a target!
Please leave… you can run some other company into losses…
Your brains and your degree don't match…
Sir, we need our product sold, not our company.
This certificate is 100% fake…
I must applaud your confidence…
Do you even know how to spell 'executive'?
If I make you a manager, even the peon's will demand this job…
Sell this degree and buy a beggar's bowl… now take a hike!
Wish you were temple priest
Everyday would be a feast
It'd rain loose change
In your plate
Wish you were a lowly beggar
A regular cash peddler
Never a borrowed penny Would rest in your plate
Bro these palms need some greasing
Some greens would be pleasing
Give me some cream Give me some cream…
A bland cake is not appeasing
Oh Brother! Oh my! Oh my! Oh brother…
Holy mother… My Oh My Oh Oh Holy mother!
Oh Brother! Oh my! Oh my! Oh brother…
Holy mother… My Oh My Oh Oh Holy mother!
Are you missing some action in your life?
Has your gun become just a showpiece?
Is your rocket, lonely in your pocket?
Do your curtains fall, before the big climax?
Yes? Then you need STAND UP 32, an Ayurveda miracle…
…now light a flame in every lonely lamp.
I have never seen such a lame actor.
I can act better than this!
Hey bloody winter chill
Freaking climb down the hill!
Why don't you run to Agra?
But our luck truly sucks
The Taj Mahal when in sight…
Just then The wallet's feeling light
Stay away little shmuck You're a slimy little snake!
Lightning struck on your truck Don't shiver when you shake!
K -K -Kill… D -D -Dil…
Oh KILL DIL… KILL DIL!
KILL DIL… KILL DIL!
K -K -Kill… D -D -Dil…
But still, if you need something you will let me know… okay?
No my child, you've already done so much for me…
Tell me, will you take tea?
Of course!
I'll get it right away.
I don't get it, man…
I never thought it will be so difficult to get a bloody job.
What?
I dress well… I speak good English…
You know…
That's why you aren't getting a job.
What do you mean?
You're not really what you're trying to look like.
Just be yourself!
If your clothes or English mattered…
…forget me, no girl would fall for you.
When did that happen?
What?
Meaning, you… have fallen for me?
Uncle, this is Dev.
-Tea. -Thanks.
Okay, he works with you?
No… He's looking for work these days.
Looks like you're rehabilitating him also.
No uncle…
He's my boyfriend.
Just a minute!
Is this true? What you just told uncle.
What?
Meaning… am I your boyfriend?
Why, are you not?
I am… since day 1!
Me too!
Stupid.
Why do you want to sell life insurance?
You're an MBA… with distinction that too.
Sir, I think I've begun understanding life, sir.
How's that?
Sir, I've always lived a poor man's life.
I've led a meager life…
…but now I think I see some prosperity coming my way.
I have a brother who hurls expletives without warning…
And would lay down his life, without asking.
I even have a girlfriend, sir.
Sir, she loves me so much that I've begun loving my life too.
If one has such a special life, there must be a high price on it.
And Life Insurance is exactly that.
Then why did you do an MBA?
Sir, I didn't want to…
…my brother -Tutu, he made me do it, with a gun to my head.
MBA?
Welcome to 'Life Guardians'.
We will thrive, dead or alive!
Hey mister…
Heartiest congratulations!
Oh Brother! Oh my! Oh my! Oh brother…
Holy mother… My Oh My Oh Oh Holy mother!
Oh Brother! Oh my! Oh my! Oh brother…
Holy mother… My Oh My Oh Oh Holy mother!
Oh Brother! Oh my! Oh my! Oh brother…
Holy mother… My Oh My Oh Oh Holy mother!
Oh Brother! Oh my! Oh my! Oh brother…
Holy mother… My Oh My Oh Oh Holy mother!
Thanks for inaugurating my innings man.
What thanks?
We're doing this for our own life, right?
And you, my friend are our life!
I am just 27, man. Why do I need insurance?
Sir, you're 27 now…
Then when you are 72 you will wonder why didn't I get insured at 27?
Times are bad, sir. This lemon soda could be poisoned.
These mosquitoes could give you malaria, right?
You must travel a lot too, right? you especially need insurance, right?
Sir, the times are really bad, anything can happen.
Yeah yeah, give it to me…
Hell-O!
Come away with me…
Where to?
To our Papa!
Holy Mother…!
Yes! Your, and mine… get there… now!
Hey, listen…
Hello, Bhaiyaji!
Later then…
How are you, Bhaiyaji?
Alive, by your grace…
How are you, angry young man?
I'm good, Bhaiyaji.
Guys, I thought long and hard…
Every big corporate gives its star performers star treatment.
I'm promoting you.
Senior assassin Dev.
Senior assassin Tutu.
And a raise, from 1 lac Per head to 2 lac per head…
Salary double, working hours, the same.
Bhaiyaji, this is too much.
What's too much?
I pay this guy 50 grand for shooting flies…
At least you guys are shooting people.
Thank you, Bhaiyaji. Who's this guy?
His social service is causing trouble in our minister's area.
He's the solitary bone in the minister's pie…
…and our minister likes his pie boneless.
So please, lessen this bone.
He's a good man, isn't he, Bhaiyaji?
But of course.
He's sacrificing his life so that we can earn our living.
Of course, he's a good man.
Think again, my child.
What you're getting for killing one guy,
you wouldn't earn that even if you worked yourself to death all year.
Shall we?
Good boy!
Selling insurance to young people
is not easy.
Very good!
I'm really impressed.
Thank you, sir!
This is your first commission!
Do you like the way I look?
Feel like kissing me?
Don't even think about it!
I've started liking you a lot!
I don't know why, but I think I have.
Yes, my dear, tell me.
I'm cornered, man! I need you.
What happened, bro?
Too many people, too few bullets.
Don't hang up. I'm on my way.
Fifteen minutes! That's all we've got.
I'll get there. Just stay out of sight!
K - K - Kill… D - D - Dil…
Sir, does this gentleman belong to you?
Hey!
You're lucky I quit using a gun or your life would've quit you by now.
And here I was thinking this is one hell of a problem.
I just hope Disha doesn't find out I was a bad man once
and I hope Bhaiyaji doesn't find out I'm a good man now.
I'm just saying if you're gonna get screwed,
does the size of the screw really matter? Just take it.
Dev…
-Dev… -Who is it?
It's me, Batuk.
Bhaiyaji's right-hand man.
He's sent you a gift.
Put it on the table. And listen.
-Yeah! -Don't swipe anything from there.
-Damn dog. -You're a dog and so's your father!
"Life Guardians."
No, sir, it's not complicated.
Just an ID proof and a bank statement and your insurance will be done.
Okay!
Thank you for calling Life Guardians. We'll thrive, dead or alive.
You will thrive, my boy!
You don't trust me, Bhaiyaji?
I saw it and heard it myself.
If I'm lying, you can shoot me.
I will. You won't have to tell me twice.
I'll try with a new number. Hear it for yourself.
What's Dev's number?
8826914371.
I know it by heart.
Hello.
Hello! Is this Mr. Dev?
Yes, this is Dev.
I got your number from a client of yours…
I need an insurance policy.
Of course, I'll set it up.
Where's your office by the way?
It's in New Delhi, the Galgotia towers…
Our office is on the 4th floor.
Okay, I'll see you tomorrow.
Or you can call me, and I'll come see you.
Okay.
Okay! Thank you for calling the Life Guardians.
We will thrive, dead or alive.
Thrive away, my boy!
Do you remember how to fire a gun still?
I do, Bhaiyaji.
Your reservation is confirmed.
Please proceed to the baggage area.
Hello.
Where are you?
Outside, drinking sherbet…
Why are you not in office?
Hey, I'm right outside office…
Let's meet…
Yeah, but we're meeting in the evening?
Nope, right now…
Now? Where?
Leave right now!
What?
Leave right away! Bye!
Why here, at Kutub Minar?
If we were in Paris, it would've been the Eiffel tower…
If in Agra, then the Taj Mahal…
-And if in Mumbai… -The Taj Mahal hotel?
God-gifted you are!
All the crazy decisions I've taken in life, started out here…
The decision to quit medicine…
To refuse dad's business, and to start reforming criminals…
To break up with my last boyfriend and kick him out…
All those decisions… right here.
So what decision are you going to take today?
Today, you are going to make a decision, not me.
You're not just fooling around with me, right?
Are you high?
Then straighten me out… tell me the truth.
If you want to leave me, do it today…
Don't wait for tomorrow…
Because I'm really serious about us.
If you leave me today, I'll handle it…
But any later…
I'll not be able to take it, Dev.
Any later…?
I'll not be able to take it, even if you leave me today…
So do you want to get married?
Will you?
You will!
A dream has stirred awake from slumber
An epic waits to unfold
The rain is bathing itself in her beauty…
The waters shimmer in flames of gold
The damned, are now the blessed…
Who find good deeds to be wretched
What do I do? What do I do love?
This fully clad body By a naked soul is possessed
I can feel the warm Embrace of life again…
This heart has got Its lost love back
I've spent many insipid Nights and days…
You've breathed back The flavors I lack
Drifters alike we were…
Our wandering too was akin
Unwise we always err…
But this madness Is difficult to pin
Prostrated I sing prayers Far and wide…
In the city my beloved occupies
You earn yours here Prayer by prayer…
God blesses for free it's lies
A dream has stirred Awake from slumber
An epic waits to unfold
The rain is bathing Itself in her beauty…
The waters shimmer In flames of gold
I can feel the warm Embrace of life again…
This heart has got Its lost love back
Drifters alike we were…
Our wandering too was akin
Unwise we always err…
But this madness Is difficult to pin
Prostrated I sing prayers Far and wide…
In the city my beloved occupies
You earn yours here Prayer by prayer…
God blesses for free it's lies
When a dog goes rabid…
…he has to be put down.
And Dev's gone totally rabid.
So, Bhaiyaji should I put Dev down?
If Tutu… I mean… if he finds out…
He'll kill me, Bhaiyaji.
-Will he find out? -No, Bhaiyaji.
He will not.
You're going to lose your cherry today…
Carry a charm.
Do you want a kiss or coffee?
Coffee.
Okay!
Yes, Bhaiyaji.
Is Dev there?
He's gone out, Bhaiyaji.
I was inside… I don't know what the guys said to Batuk…
He's left blabbering that he's going to finish Dev…
And carve a place for himself…
So I need you to handle it…
Just handle them!
Dev! Pick up the phone, Dev.
Hello.
My heart felt wishes on your union.
Who's this?
I'm your well wisher.
Don't hang up, this is for your benefit.
What do you want?
I just wanted to know what is it
that you eat everyday…
…that has made you blind to such lies.
What lies?
The lie that your darling Dev is living, but you can't see.
How do you know Dev?
I know Tutu also.
What do you know?
Nice! Now that's cheating…
You need to try harder and figure this riddle out.
Okay… Let me give you a hint.
What was Dev's past, is now Tutu's present.
So now if you want to find out what Dev used to be…
…you need to find out what Tutu is.
Got to hang up now, already spent a bomb.
Dev! What's going on I just got a phone call?
Hey Dev…
Your ticket's confirmed now.
What was Dev's past, is now Tutu's present.
So now if you want to find out what Dev used to be…
…you need to find out what Tutu is.
When I talk to her…
I want to be able to look into her eyes, not shy away.
The day she finds out 'what you are' she won't even spit in your face.
A pawn…
…is carefully brought to the eighth row…
So that he can make way for the Queen.
Welcome, Dev.
Madam, this dead man, do you know him?
No, sir.
Any idea… who shot him?
No sir, we were inside packing our bags when he heard the shots.
When we came out he was lying here.
I called the ambulance first, then we called you. That's all, sir.
Alright. If we need you we will call you again.
Rest I've already discussed the details with your dad.
Okay? Take care.
-Thank you, sir. -Let's go!
Sit.
Listen to me carefully.
I am no longer indebted to you.
Today I've paid all your favors back.
We're done.
What you do after today… is your problem.
What I will do, is only my problem.
You can keep what was yours in this relationship…
I've given up what was mine.
There is no 'US' anymore.
I've said what I wanted to…
…and I want to hear nothing you will want to say.
It's all over, man.
You can never tell what's going on in someone's head.
He was a good cook though.
Anyway, it must've been his time to go…
Let's worry about the one who's time it's going to be.
Your faces tell me, you know him.
Babban Pehelwaan.
He's a tough nut, Bhaiyaji.
It's not like we are angels.
Somewhere, stuck, lies a moment…
Entwined in the threads of time, perhaps.
Where there's a heart, there will be ache…
There's no remedy for this, perhaps.
What are you looking at, never seen a handsome man before?
Come on, interview me.
For a job?
For a girl.
You were right, Tutu.
A swine should stick to feasting on garbage.
Trying a cake will only give it diarrhea.
Madam.
And here I was thinking, this is a strange problem, man…
I hope Disha doesn't find out that I was a bad man once.
And I hope that Bhaiyaji doesn't find out that I'm a good man now!
The stars are spent, my love…
Smudged black this night sky
You work so hard to reform criminals…
…and you've reformed so many of them…
…you reformed one guy accidentally…
…but you probably didn't realize it.
Bad bloody luck. Can't get enough of it.
Blinded I can see no more through…
The cobwebs spun in my eye
Bruised by the chores Of the heart love…
What is it?
Get lost.
I never meant to hurt you…
…but still I am sorry for all the trouble.
Just pray I don't shoot someone today.
Still nothing is sweeter Than her memories…
Rid me of this hamper of agonies
I lost you because I used to take lives…
Bruised by the chores Of the heart love…
Maybe if I give up my own, I could get you back…
Battered I'm by the chores Of the heart
Dev!
Dev! Dev!
Dev!
I don't know what tomorrow holds, but you take care.
-Sweeta, my Sweeta -What?
Without you…
Darker than the night
-Are my days… -Dev!
-Without you -Dev!
Life hands you a messy deal…
Lifetimes traded for fleeting moments
I'm crazy… The crazy heart
Life hands you a messy deal…
Lifetimes traded for fleeting moments
-I'm crazy… -Doctor!
The crazy heart
Hey!
Where's Dev?
We're at the hospital!
-Death doesn't scare me, but… -What is wrong with you guys?!
Without you, it would be an ordeal
If life is something I must endure Then even that…
Without you, it would be an ordeal
-In my heart… -Tutu! Dev?
-I house a trembling flame -Tell me!
-As I take your leave… -Dev…
Life hands you a messy deal…
Lifetimes traded for fleeting moments
I'm crazy… The crazy heart
Life hands you a messy deal…
Lifetimes traded for fleeting moments
I'm crazy… The crazy heart
Excuse me, madam.
Have we met before?
The guy's flirting again.
I swear, you're god-gifted.
I love you!
Dear Bhaiyaji, any last wish?
All my life, I've pulled out many pictures from my pocket.
Never thought my own picture would end up here.
If you want to shoot, shoot.
Don't just stand there wasting my time.
Blood runs down the iron sky
as the sun melts into gold.
An evening slowly sinks behind us,
and a new morning will silently unfold.
-What did you do before this? -Before this, I was a mur…
Marketer, sir!
If you were a marketer, why did you do an MBA?
Sir, actually…
My little brother and his wife forced me to.
-Cheers! -Cheers! and his wife forced me to.