1 00:00:25,400 --> 00:00:28,069 It has recently come to my attention that 2 00:00:28,737 --> 00:00:32,574 I may never again have power over another human being. 3 00:00:37,370 --> 00:00:39,122 My students, who 4 00:00:39,956 --> 00:00:43,126 once fell over themselves to impress me, 5 00:00:43,209 --> 00:00:47,505 now consider my teachings… out of touch. 6 00:00:52,886 --> 00:00:57,932 My daughter, who used to worship me, now finds my entire personhood rather 7 00:00:58,850 --> 00:01:00,018 useless. 8 00:01:02,020 --> 00:01:06,316 And while it may be possible that a man might make a concession for me, 9 00:01:06,399 --> 00:01:11,196 I may not be the cause of a spontaneous erection ever again. 10 00:01:13,406 --> 00:01:15,241 As an older woman, 11 00:01:15,325 --> 00:01:17,660 truly, what is more embarrassing, 12 00:01:17,744 --> 00:01:20,497 I will have lost the ability to captivate. 13 00:01:32,842 --> 00:01:35,845 I find this very sad. 14 00:01:35,929 --> 00:01:39,516 Don't you? 15 00:01:39,599 --> 00:01:42,018 What the fuck? What the… 16 00:01:42,102 --> 00:01:43,645 Oh, sorry. 17 00:01:56,783 --> 00:01:59,786 We're making a harvest salad for the faculty retreat. 18 00:02:00,995 --> 00:02:04,207 It'll be my 30th year at the college, 19 00:02:04,707 --> 00:02:07,710 and thus will be my 30th faculty retreat. 20 00:02:08,503 --> 00:02:09,420 But 21 00:02:10,213 --> 00:02:12,674 I came in utero, so… 22 00:02:13,758 --> 00:02:15,802 It's a real fuck-you salad. 23 00:02:15,885 --> 00:02:18,763 The kind that makes everyone a bit embarrassed about what they brought. 24 00:02:18,847 --> 00:02:20,181 -That one. -This one? 25 00:02:20,265 --> 00:02:21,266 Yeah. 26 00:02:22,976 --> 00:02:24,269 -Thank you. -There you go. 27 00:02:48,793 --> 00:02:52,463 Today might be fun. There is a bit of a sex scandal. 28 00:02:53,006 --> 00:02:56,009 Liaisons between a professor and his students. 29 00:03:01,973 --> 00:03:03,766 And as luck would have it… 30 00:03:05,059 --> 00:03:07,896 …the professor in question happens to be 31 00:03:07,979 --> 00:03:09,272 my husband. 32 00:03:11,858 --> 00:03:15,528 Okay, and the Title IX situation? 33 00:03:16,070 --> 00:03:17,822 Andre, you have an update? 34 00:03:19,908 --> 00:03:22,243 Okay, without beating around the bush, 35 00:03:23,286 --> 00:03:26,039 the number of accusers has risen to six. 36 00:03:26,122 --> 00:03:29,626 Uh, six young women. Well, they're not as young anymore. 37 00:03:29,709 --> 00:03:31,753 And the number of signatures on the petition 38 00:03:31,836 --> 00:03:33,755 demanding for John's removal is… 39 00:03:34,422 --> 00:03:36,925 Wow. Over 1,000 with alumni support. 40 00:03:37,008 --> 00:03:37,926 What? 41 00:03:38,509 --> 00:03:42,138 When I was in college, I wanted to fuck all my professors. 42 00:03:42,222 --> 00:03:44,140 Old, young, male, female, 43 00:03:44,224 --> 00:03:47,185 but… I was too timid. Mm. 44 00:03:47,977 --> 00:03:50,563 As George Bernard Shaw once said, 45 00:03:51,064 --> 00:03:53,691 a firm ass is wasted on the young. 46 00:03:56,903 --> 00:03:57,779 Here we are. 47 00:03:59,239 --> 00:04:00,698 Did I tell you 48 00:04:00,782 --> 00:04:03,201 once I walked into his office ages ago, 49 00:04:03,284 --> 00:04:07,247 and boom, there was a girl with her bosom all over his face, like… 50 00:04:08,581 --> 00:04:10,917 -What's that called again? -Being a sexual predator? 51 00:04:11,000 --> 00:04:13,211 -It was a different time. -Mmm… was it? 52 00:04:13,294 --> 00:04:16,172 Sweetie, was it now? No. It was different. 53 00:04:16,256 --> 00:04:18,258 -Guys, let's not start-- -Oh, waterboarding. 54 00:04:18,341 --> 00:04:21,469 -It was not waterboarding. -I think motorboating is the correct term. 55 00:04:21,552 --> 00:04:22,553 What? No. 56 00:04:22,637 --> 00:04:24,222 -It's motorboating. -I'm looking it up. 57 00:04:24,305 --> 00:04:26,391 -Motorboating, one word. -Folks, let's not… 58 00:04:30,520 --> 00:04:32,897 Okay, let's go in. 59 00:04:34,732 --> 00:04:38,987 John's suspension will remain in effect until the hearing. Date TBD. 60 00:04:39,070 --> 00:04:41,614 There's a report being, um… assembled. 61 00:04:41,698 --> 00:04:46,494 But I wanna congratulate David on stepping in as our chair so quickly. 62 00:04:46,577 --> 00:04:48,871 You're doing super. Huzzah for David? 63 00:04:48,955 --> 00:04:49,914 Go David! 64 00:04:49,998 --> 00:04:52,375 "Motorboating is the act of pushing one's face 65 00:04:52,458 --> 00:04:54,210 in between two ample breasts 66 00:04:54,294 --> 00:04:57,088 and rocking one's head side to side very rapidly 67 00:04:57,171 --> 00:05:01,050 while making a vigorous 'brrrr' sound." 68 00:05:02,302 --> 00:05:06,222 -I present to you academia. -There might be something-- 69 00:05:06,306 --> 00:05:10,143 Oh, my friends, I'm so sorry. I had the wrong time. I can't believe it. 70 00:05:10,226 --> 00:05:12,645 -We were just moving on. -Carry on. 71 00:05:12,729 --> 00:05:15,356 David, is there an extra chair or-- 72 00:05:15,440 --> 00:05:16,733 Hey, excuse me. 73 00:05:18,151 --> 00:05:19,110 Take mine. 74 00:05:19,736 --> 00:05:22,989 I forget. Have you met Vladimir Vladinski? 75 00:05:23,072 --> 00:05:27,827 Oh, our… our new, uh… assistant professor? 76 00:05:27,910 --> 00:05:29,370 Uh, no. 77 00:05:29,454 --> 00:05:32,165 No, we have not, uh… met. 78 00:05:32,248 --> 00:05:33,374 Please sit. 79 00:05:33,458 --> 00:05:35,001 Oh, I'm fine. 80 00:05:35,084 --> 00:05:38,755 Well, I need to stand for my back, plus… seniority. 81 00:05:39,505 --> 00:05:42,508 Well, I'll pretend you didn't say that last part, but, uh… 82 00:05:43,968 --> 00:05:46,054 Okay, and moving on. 83 00:05:46,137 --> 00:05:49,349 -I meant from an employment standpoint. -Oh, I'm joking. 84 00:05:49,432 --> 00:05:52,977 We still need two more volunteers for the Meckleburg… 85 00:05:53,061 --> 00:05:54,520 How are your groceries? 86 00:05:54,604 --> 00:05:56,606 Oh, put away. 87 00:05:57,690 --> 00:05:59,317 -Nice. -Yeah. 88 00:06:00,443 --> 00:06:01,527 Respectful… 89 00:06:01,611 --> 00:06:04,238 It's bad luck to leave your bag on the floor. 90 00:06:05,531 --> 00:06:08,576 Be concise. Maintain confidentiality. 91 00:06:08,659 --> 00:06:13,289 Engage constructively. Maintain perspectives. Any questions? 92 00:06:13,790 --> 00:06:15,833 The more you say it. 93 00:06:25,468 --> 00:06:28,262 Mm. Oh, they went crazy for my salad. 94 00:06:28,346 --> 00:06:30,431 Devoured it, so, uh… 95 00:06:30,515 --> 00:06:33,726 Ooh, David's Frito pie. 96 00:06:33,810 --> 00:06:35,812 -Mm! -Do you want some? 97 00:06:35,895 --> 00:06:38,147 I'm no-go on gluten, unfortunately. 98 00:06:38,231 --> 00:06:40,024 Do you suffer from celiac's? 99 00:06:40,108 --> 00:06:42,443 My son's friend suffers from celiac's. 100 00:06:42,527 --> 00:06:43,986 More like body dysmorphia. 101 00:06:47,448 --> 00:06:49,409 Thank you again for the chair. 102 00:06:49,492 --> 00:06:51,994 It's my pleasure. They say sitting kills. 103 00:06:52,078 --> 00:06:53,413 Oh, so I've heard. 104 00:06:53,496 --> 00:06:55,998 Have you tried one of those standing desks? 105 00:06:56,082 --> 00:06:57,667 No, but I should, shouldn't I? 106 00:06:57,750 --> 00:07:00,211 -I don't know, should you? -Might be good for my quads. 107 00:07:00,294 --> 00:07:01,963 Oh! Ha… 108 00:07:02,046 --> 00:07:03,881 Um… 109 00:07:04,632 --> 00:07:07,051 How are you adjusting to life in the countryside? 110 00:07:07,635 --> 00:07:10,471 To be honest, I'm, uh… I'm really struggling. 111 00:07:10,555 --> 00:07:11,806 Oh my God! 112 00:07:12,390 --> 00:07:13,349 Oh, hey. 113 00:07:14,350 --> 00:07:17,103 Oh my God! Uh, hi, hi, hi! I… 114 00:07:17,186 --> 00:07:18,062 I'm Cynthia. 115 00:07:18,146 --> 00:07:20,273 Oh, you're teaching for us too, right? 116 00:07:20,356 --> 00:07:22,108 Yes! She's got one class. 117 00:07:22,191 --> 00:07:24,610 Hi. I fucking love your novel. 118 00:07:24,694 --> 00:07:28,114 Truly fucking formative. I've been so excited to meet you. 119 00:07:28,197 --> 00:07:31,159 Oh, well, I'm a big disappointment. 120 00:07:31,242 --> 00:07:34,245 Fun. Me too. Sorry, I would've been here sooner, 121 00:07:34,328 --> 00:07:38,207 but our daughter defecated inside of her clothing. 122 00:07:38,291 --> 00:07:39,125 Oh no. 123 00:07:39,208 --> 00:07:42,295 I've been telling him that he has to read your book. 124 00:07:42,378 --> 00:07:45,089 Well, I haven't read his book yet, so we're even. 125 00:07:45,173 --> 00:07:46,549 Oh, it's not as good as yours. 126 00:07:46,632 --> 00:07:47,967 -Oh, uh… -Thank you. 127 00:07:48,050 --> 00:07:50,928 Well, why don't you come over for cocktails sometime this week, 128 00:07:51,012 --> 00:07:54,348 and we can swap copies, both of you. 129 00:07:54,432 --> 00:07:58,769 Ah, yeah. I don't drink, but he loves to when I'm not around. 130 00:07:58,853 --> 00:08:00,313 -We don't have to drink. -Oh, no. 131 00:08:00,396 --> 00:08:04,108 I very much… I want him to drink. It's, uh… it's good for him. 132 00:08:04,192 --> 00:08:05,318 -Yeah. -Oops. 133 00:08:05,401 --> 00:08:06,986 -Um, sorry. -Oh, sorry. 134 00:08:07,069 --> 00:08:10,239 -May I borrow these two for one moment? -Yes, I'll send you an email. 135 00:08:10,323 --> 00:08:11,157 -Okay. -Yeah. 136 00:08:11,240 --> 00:08:14,660 Since Vladimir is full-time, this will affect him more than you. 137 00:08:14,744 --> 00:08:17,413 There's just some 401(k) paperwork. 138 00:08:18,664 --> 00:08:21,375 -What do you think she heard? -It's really unfair. 139 00:08:21,459 --> 00:08:24,128 It's a terrible position to be in. I feel so bad. 140 00:08:24,837 --> 00:08:28,299 Unconscionable that she didn't say anything about it yet. 141 00:08:28,799 --> 00:08:31,385 But you know. I guess it's not surprising. 142 00:08:33,596 --> 00:08:34,889 I'm worried about… 143 00:08:41,187 --> 00:08:42,271 Be good. 144 00:08:45,399 --> 00:08:46,317 Hey. 145 00:08:46,901 --> 00:08:49,612 -I have a question. -I might have an answer. 146 00:08:50,112 --> 00:08:52,657 Did you actually see the report? 147 00:08:53,574 --> 00:08:54,575 Sure did. 148 00:08:55,326 --> 00:08:56,786 Will you send it to me? 149 00:08:59,497 --> 00:09:00,540 Please? 150 00:09:02,208 --> 00:09:04,043 -Okay. -Thanks. 151 00:09:04,919 --> 00:09:06,462 Oh, enjoy. 152 00:09:06,546 --> 00:09:08,923 -Mm! -Mm! 153 00:09:35,408 --> 00:09:36,742 Scandalous. 154 00:09:52,174 --> 00:09:54,677 It's very hard for me to understand how… 155 00:09:54,760 --> 00:09:57,305 -Did you salt these? -Yes. 156 00:09:58,222 --> 00:10:01,767 …consensual affairs that were fun, 157 00:10:01,851 --> 00:10:06,147 not despite the power dynamic but because of the power dynamic, 158 00:10:06,230 --> 00:10:09,817 could be thought of as hurtful or damaging after the fact. 159 00:10:09,900 --> 00:10:12,653 -You put something else on them? -Cumin. 160 00:10:12,737 --> 00:10:13,904 Oh fuck. 161 00:10:14,905 --> 00:10:18,784 As a fellow female, I'm a little offended. 162 00:10:19,327 --> 00:10:22,496 I wanna tell these women that when they're sad, 163 00:10:22,580 --> 00:10:24,749 it's probably not because of the sex they had 164 00:10:24,832 --> 00:10:27,710 and more because they spend too much time on the Internet, 165 00:10:27,793 --> 00:10:30,129 wondering what people think about them. 166 00:10:30,212 --> 00:10:32,089 Fresh meats. 167 00:10:32,173 --> 00:10:33,466 Here we go. 168 00:10:35,509 --> 00:10:36,594 Top it off. 169 00:10:36,677 --> 00:10:39,305 Hoo, fire 170 00:10:40,723 --> 00:10:42,308 Hoo, hoo 171 00:10:42,391 --> 00:10:46,145 To be clear, John and I have always had an arrangement. 172 00:10:46,228 --> 00:10:48,731 The kids today would call it an open marriage 173 00:10:48,814 --> 00:10:51,442 but without all the awful communication. 174 00:10:51,525 --> 00:10:53,778 -Did they read my letter? -It didn't come up. 175 00:10:53,861 --> 00:10:56,864 You think you could deal with the compost before next Sunday? No! 176 00:10:56,947 --> 00:10:58,532 Move it along, buddy! 177 00:10:59,033 --> 00:11:00,785 They need to read the letter. 178 00:11:00,868 --> 00:11:03,412 It's been ten years since I even looked at a coed. 179 00:11:03,496 --> 00:11:07,166 Are we in the 1960s? Why are you calling them coeds? 180 00:11:07,667 --> 00:11:09,627 Oh, and they're setting a date for the hearing. 181 00:11:09,710 --> 00:11:11,962 Good, because I never broke the rules. 182 00:11:12,046 --> 00:11:13,297 Technically. 183 00:11:13,381 --> 00:11:14,632 Exactly. 184 00:11:16,008 --> 00:11:17,927 Could you bring me a towel, please? 185 00:11:22,014 --> 00:11:23,140 You didn't answer. 186 00:11:23,224 --> 00:11:26,644 Um, can you deal with the compost before next Sunday? 187 00:11:26,727 --> 00:11:29,063 Maybe. Did you meet the new professors? 188 00:11:29,146 --> 00:11:30,272 Our replacements? 189 00:11:30,356 --> 00:11:32,942 -They're not our replacements. -Let's hope. 190 00:11:33,526 --> 00:11:34,735 Anyway, yes, I met them. 191 00:11:34,819 --> 00:11:37,822 They are young and fresh-faced and full of promise. 192 00:11:37,905 --> 00:11:39,573 We'll beat that out of them. 193 00:11:39,657 --> 00:11:43,035 Vlad, the husband, he's coming over for cocktails next Sunday. 194 00:11:43,119 --> 00:11:45,413 -I can get a better read. -While Sid's here? 195 00:11:45,496 --> 00:11:46,747 Oh, damn it! 196 00:11:46,831 --> 00:11:48,916 Okay, I'll reschedule. 197 00:11:50,084 --> 00:11:52,294 -When Sid comes… -Mm-hmm. 198 00:11:52,378 --> 00:11:55,256 …with this whole thing, let's not say anything to her. 199 00:11:56,257 --> 00:11:59,260 Look, our daughter doesn't need to know about this whole-- 200 00:11:59,343 --> 00:12:01,303 For dinner on Saturday, salmon? 201 00:12:03,931 --> 00:12:07,393 -Yeah, I'll do it on the grill. -I'll get fresh stuff from the farm stand. 202 00:12:07,476 --> 00:12:09,770 We can use my lettuce. It's almost ready to pick. 203 00:12:09,854 --> 00:12:10,938 Sure. 204 00:12:11,021 --> 00:12:14,900 And make some pasta or something. I can't eat just fish and veggies. 205 00:12:14,984 --> 00:12:16,277 I'll waste away. 206 00:12:16,360 --> 00:12:18,904 I'm considering giving up gluten. 207 00:12:19,905 --> 00:12:20,906 Please don't. 208 00:12:21,991 --> 00:12:22,825 Why not? 209 00:12:27,037 --> 00:12:29,248 I don't wanna talk to Sid about it. 210 00:12:30,583 --> 00:12:31,542 Thank you. 211 00:12:33,919 --> 00:12:35,796 I know this hasn't been easy for you. 212 00:12:35,880 --> 00:12:36,964 Mm-hmm. 213 00:12:37,631 --> 00:12:40,676 I appreciate what you're doing. That's all I'm saying. 214 00:12:40,760 --> 00:12:41,719 Mm. 215 00:12:42,219 --> 00:12:44,180 -Such sentiment. -Seriously. 216 00:12:44,847 --> 00:12:47,892 Look, as far as I'm concerned, I'm just doing what I've always done. 217 00:12:50,394 --> 00:12:51,979 Hit it like rom-pom-pom-pom 218 00:12:52,062 --> 00:12:54,023 -Get it hot -Get it hot like Papa John… 219 00:12:54,106 --> 00:12:55,816 -Hey, good morning. -Good morning. 220 00:12:55,900 --> 00:12:59,361 For years now, John and I have been a golden couple on campus. 221 00:12:59,445 --> 00:13:01,322 -Get it hot -Get it hot like Papa John 222 00:13:01,405 --> 00:13:02,239 Make a bitch… 223 00:13:02,323 --> 00:13:06,243 He, the poetry scholar and charismatic chair, 224 00:13:06,327 --> 00:13:10,790 and me, the desperately sought-after professor of creative writing 225 00:13:10,873 --> 00:13:15,336 and passionate instructor of the most popular class in the department. 226 00:13:15,419 --> 00:13:16,879 Get it hot like Papa John 227 00:13:16,962 --> 00:13:18,714 -Get it hot -Get it hot like Papa John… 228 00:13:18,798 --> 00:13:20,800 -What's up, bitches? -Go on and on… 229 00:13:20,883 --> 00:13:25,221 Women in American Fiction. A bit broad, don't you think? 230 00:13:25,304 --> 00:13:26,806 Get it hot like Papa John 231 00:13:26,889 --> 00:13:28,516 Make a bitch go on and on… 232 00:13:28,599 --> 00:13:30,476 -That was a pun. -It's a femininomenon 233 00:13:30,559 --> 00:13:31,936 Hit it like 234 00:13:32,019 --> 00:13:33,395 Get it hot 235 00:13:34,146 --> 00:13:35,481 Make a bitch 236 00:13:36,106 --> 00:13:37,525 It's a fem, fem, fem 237 00:13:37,608 --> 00:13:38,901 Two cappuccinos. 238 00:13:38,984 --> 00:13:40,486 Yes. Did you get soy? 239 00:13:40,569 --> 00:13:42,571 -Soy. -Thank you. 240 00:13:42,655 --> 00:13:43,781 -Perfect. -Dairy. 241 00:13:44,281 --> 00:13:46,242 So, um… 242 00:13:47,326 --> 00:13:49,537 -We were talking before. -Mm-hmm. 243 00:13:49,620 --> 00:13:53,249 And we did wanna kinda say something. 244 00:13:53,332 --> 00:13:56,335 Oh, yes, that's what I want. Please. 245 00:13:56,418 --> 00:13:57,461 Sorry. 246 00:13:57,545 --> 00:13:58,629 You're fine. 247 00:13:59,630 --> 00:14:01,090 -Am I? -Um… 248 00:14:01,173 --> 00:14:07,304 We just wanted to, um… offer that you… 249 00:14:08,055 --> 00:14:11,767 uh… don't have to do the whole supportive-wife thing. 250 00:14:13,769 --> 00:14:14,854 Wow. 251 00:14:15,729 --> 00:14:16,856 Okay. 252 00:14:17,439 --> 00:14:19,650 -Say more. -Oh, yeah. 253 00:14:19,733 --> 00:14:24,280 Like, like we just think you're this hot, brilliant lady. 254 00:14:24,822 --> 00:14:26,907 Like, like we think you're really hot. 255 00:14:26,991 --> 00:14:27,992 Yeah. 256 00:14:28,909 --> 00:14:33,080 And, um, we just think you don't have to, like, stand by your man. 257 00:14:37,209 --> 00:14:40,045 My dear, dear friends. 258 00:14:40,129 --> 00:14:44,300 I am so flattered by your concern. 259 00:14:51,640 --> 00:14:54,727 It's gonna be on our shoulders. That's what I'm trying to avoid happening. 260 00:14:54,810 --> 00:14:57,146 -That's all I'm saying. -God! 261 00:14:57,229 --> 00:14:59,732 This man and I once had an affair. 262 00:15:00,524 --> 00:15:04,361 In meetings, if I was wearing the right pair of pants, 263 00:15:04,445 --> 00:15:07,823 I could make myself orgasm just by looking at his profile. 264 00:15:09,074 --> 00:15:12,453 Time can make things simpler, if you know what I mean. 265 00:15:13,787 --> 00:15:14,830 Ready for action? 266 00:15:15,497 --> 00:15:17,374 -Just about. -Hey. 267 00:15:17,458 --> 00:15:21,670 Actually, um, I spoke to a group of students who said you met today. 268 00:15:21,754 --> 00:15:22,838 Mm-hmm. 269 00:15:22,922 --> 00:15:25,674 Um, I just am actually concerned about them. 270 00:15:25,758 --> 00:15:28,802 Like, they said they were really anxious talking to you. 271 00:15:28,886 --> 00:15:29,970 Okay. 272 00:15:30,054 --> 00:15:34,892 Just 'cause, like, some, like, survivors are often not believed by enablers 273 00:15:34,975 --> 00:15:36,727 who are often older women. 274 00:15:36,810 --> 00:15:37,853 David. 275 00:15:37,937 --> 00:15:40,064 So I just think we need to be really thoughtful 276 00:15:40,147 --> 00:15:42,191 of what we're putting the students through. 277 00:15:42,274 --> 00:15:44,485 Sorry, were they anxious to speak to me, 278 00:15:44,568 --> 00:15:46,737 or were they anxious after they spoke to me? 279 00:15:46,820 --> 00:15:48,656 I didn't get confirmation on that. 280 00:15:48,739 --> 00:15:52,284 When I hear "anxious," that's, like, noteworthy. 281 00:15:52,368 --> 00:15:55,287 -Okay. Flo, I know you're new. -I've been here for eight years. 282 00:15:55,371 --> 00:15:57,206 So maybe you don't know how things work, 283 00:15:57,289 --> 00:16:00,000 but I'm gonna request that you not speak to me about this 284 00:16:00,084 --> 00:16:02,419 in unofficial ways for perhaps ever. 285 00:16:02,503 --> 00:16:04,213 Sorry. Is that okay? 286 00:16:04,296 --> 00:16:06,882 David, do you think you could eat the snack food products 287 00:16:06,966 --> 00:16:09,551 that literally fell on the floor any louder? 288 00:16:09,635 --> 00:16:10,886 -Hi. -Oh, hey. 289 00:16:10,970 --> 00:16:11,887 Hi. 290 00:16:11,971 --> 00:16:13,514 Ready for action? 291 00:16:13,597 --> 00:16:14,807 We'll see. 292 00:16:14,890 --> 00:16:16,392 Where did they put you? 293 00:16:16,475 --> 00:16:18,560 -Upstairs? -I got him in 406. 294 00:16:18,644 --> 00:16:20,437 Oh, my old office. 295 00:16:20,521 --> 00:16:22,481 Oh, that's why the vibes are so good. 296 00:16:33,993 --> 00:16:35,869 Sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt. 297 00:16:35,953 --> 00:16:39,790 Oh, no, no, an interruption was exactly what we needed. 298 00:16:41,583 --> 00:16:43,085 -Um… okay. -Okay. 299 00:16:54,555 --> 00:16:57,224 -Okay, you have everything, right? -Mom! 300 00:16:58,851 --> 00:16:59,810 Hi! 301 00:17:03,731 --> 00:17:04,815 Mm! 302 00:17:05,482 --> 00:17:07,067 Mm, you smell good. 303 00:17:07,151 --> 00:17:08,610 Let me look at you. 304 00:17:08,694 --> 00:17:10,362 Oh, you look so cool. 305 00:17:10,446 --> 00:17:12,573 -Where's Alexis? -She's coming tomorrow. 306 00:17:12,656 --> 00:17:14,742 -On the train? -She bought a car. 307 00:17:14,825 --> 00:17:17,244 -Oh, how grown up. -She's 35. 308 00:17:17,327 --> 00:17:19,329 When you were 35, I was, like, eight. You had tenure. 309 00:17:19,413 --> 00:17:21,582 And now you're 27, and I just turned 40. 310 00:17:21,665 --> 00:17:23,417 It's incredible. 311 00:17:23,500 --> 00:17:25,044 Age jokes are lame, Mom. 312 00:17:28,547 --> 00:17:32,426 So Alexis is starting to wanna talk about having a kid. 313 00:17:32,509 --> 00:17:33,969 -Oh. -Yeah. 314 00:17:34,511 --> 00:17:37,806 Okay. I mean, you're awfully young. 315 00:17:37,890 --> 00:17:40,642 -I'm the same age as you were. -That was a different time. 316 00:17:40,726 --> 00:17:42,644 Alexis is already a geriatric pregnancy. 317 00:17:42,728 --> 00:17:45,022 -Right, but for you. -No, I know. 318 00:17:45,105 --> 00:17:47,983 In New York, I'd be, like, a teen mom. Might be kinda hot. 319 00:17:48,067 --> 00:17:49,359 A child is serious. 320 00:17:49,443 --> 00:17:50,819 I know. I was joking. 321 00:17:50,903 --> 00:17:53,906 Just because your partner wants something doesn't mean it's right for you. 322 00:17:53,989 --> 00:17:55,449 -Mom! -I like Alexis. 323 00:17:55,532 --> 00:17:57,659 -I love Alexis. -Please just stop talking. 324 00:17:57,743 --> 00:17:59,870 I don't think you should let her steamroll you. 325 00:17:59,953 --> 00:18:02,915 She's not steamrolling me! We're just talking about it. Why are-- 326 00:18:02,998 --> 00:18:05,250 I'm still paying your student loans. 327 00:18:05,334 --> 00:18:08,087 Okay, Mom. Oh my God. I'm so sorry I told you. 328 00:18:08,170 --> 00:18:09,797 Next time, I'm not gonna tell you anything. 329 00:18:09,880 --> 00:18:12,966 That is awesome for our relationship. Thank you, Mom. 330 00:18:13,050 --> 00:18:15,886 Oh, listen, honey. I'm sorry. I'm stressed. 331 00:18:15,969 --> 00:18:17,012 You're fine. 332 00:18:17,096 --> 00:18:19,264 Please don't tell me I'm fine. 333 00:18:21,058 --> 00:18:24,770 -You wanna stop at the bakery with me? -Can you just drop me off, please? 334 00:18:39,326 --> 00:18:41,787 A former student I had to fail. 335 00:18:54,007 --> 00:18:55,884 May I get a bûche de Noël? 336 00:18:55,968 --> 00:18:57,761 We only have the 12-inch. 337 00:18:57,845 --> 00:19:01,598 Oh, perfect. It's my daughter's favorite. She'll… 338 00:19:03,475 --> 00:19:06,603 She didn't come to class, and she didn't do the work. 339 00:19:06,687 --> 00:19:08,147 It wasn't personal. 340 00:19:11,942 --> 00:19:14,361 -May I pay now? -Can I box it up first, please? 341 00:19:14,444 --> 00:19:16,238 Of course. Take your time. 342 00:19:21,368 --> 00:19:22,619 Tap your card. 343 00:19:29,042 --> 00:19:31,420 -Oh! Sorry. -You're fine. 344 00:19:31,503 --> 00:19:35,674 Putting everything aside, I was like, "Where is your self-respect?" 345 00:19:36,466 --> 00:19:37,843 She should be embarrassed. 346 00:19:38,510 --> 00:19:40,512 It's like Greek theater. It's the Oresteia. 347 00:19:40,596 --> 00:19:41,930 No, it's not. 348 00:19:42,014 --> 00:19:46,018 It's a family drama where every action sets off a consequence 349 00:19:46,101 --> 00:19:48,729 that then has to be reckoned with. What's more Greek? 350 00:19:48,812 --> 00:19:50,397 Caitlyn is Clytemnestra. 351 00:19:50,480 --> 00:19:52,983 Khloe is Electra. We're the Furies. 352 00:19:53,066 --> 00:19:55,694 -This is an amazing conversation. -Imagine growing up with them. 353 00:19:55,777 --> 00:19:58,113 I love pop culture. Yay, pop culture, 354 00:19:58,197 --> 00:20:00,449 but it is not a Greek tragedy. 355 00:20:00,532 --> 00:20:03,160 I mean, the whole point of tragedy is taking something unwieldy 356 00:20:03,243 --> 00:20:05,162 and submitting it to a structure. 357 00:20:05,245 --> 00:20:07,080 Exactly what they're doing with The Kardashians. 358 00:20:07,164 --> 00:20:08,957 No, something that is open-ended 359 00:20:09,041 --> 00:20:10,667 cannot be compared to a Greek tragedy. 360 00:20:10,751 --> 00:20:13,212 They're ontologically and phenomenologically opposed. 361 00:20:13,295 --> 00:20:14,504 Don't talk dirty to me. 362 00:20:14,588 --> 00:20:18,217 The definition of tragedy is a single, complete, and whole action. 363 00:20:18,300 --> 00:20:21,303 Look, here's the thing. Your mother cannot grasp evolving forms. 364 00:20:21,386 --> 00:20:22,221 -What? -Yeah. 365 00:20:22,304 --> 00:20:24,640 Never been an independent thinker. Never been her strength. 366 00:20:24,723 --> 00:20:28,352 She likes stuff to be time tested so that she doesn't have to actively evaluate it. 367 00:20:28,435 --> 00:20:29,519 Please stop. 368 00:20:29,603 --> 00:20:32,564 She wants everything to be, "Mr. Went stole Lady Parson's glove!" 369 00:20:32,648 --> 00:20:33,649 "How scandalous." 370 00:20:33,732 --> 00:20:36,777 "Starking longed for Lily, but she died making hats, you know." 371 00:20:36,860 --> 00:20:39,655 His name is Selden. Why are you making fun of me? 372 00:20:39,738 --> 00:20:43,158 -She's stuck up in her ivory tower. -Well, at least I'm in the tower, John. 373 00:20:43,242 --> 00:20:47,204 At least I'm inside the tower, unlike you, who is not in the tower, 374 00:20:47,287 --> 00:20:49,790 who is no longer allowed in the fucking tower 375 00:20:49,873 --> 00:20:52,042 because you took little girls into the tower. 376 00:20:52,125 --> 00:20:53,418 -Hey. Hey. -What? 377 00:20:53,502 --> 00:20:57,547 Your father is suspended from teaching because he had sex with students! 378 00:20:57,631 --> 00:20:59,675 And I have to deal with all of his mess. 379 00:20:59,758 --> 00:21:04,471 People judging me, talking about me, students feeling anxious! 380 00:21:04,554 --> 00:21:07,724 -And you can sit there and mock me! -Guys. 381 00:21:07,808 --> 00:21:10,394 What do you have to deal with? You want me around long enough 382 00:21:10,477 --> 00:21:12,479 to get my pension and get the fuck out of your life. 383 00:21:12,562 --> 00:21:15,315 -What's happening? -Oh, that's correct, John. 384 00:21:15,399 --> 00:21:18,485 I've spent 30 years living with you and working with you, 385 00:21:18,568 --> 00:21:21,488 and all I want on this whole blessed earth is to be alone. 386 00:21:21,571 --> 00:21:22,572 Stop! 387 00:21:22,656 --> 00:21:24,408 But now you're gonna lose your pension 388 00:21:24,491 --> 00:21:29,288 because you got motorboated by a 21-year-old communications major, 389 00:21:29,371 --> 00:21:32,207 and I'm gonna be stuck with you walking around my house 390 00:21:32,291 --> 00:21:33,792 with your low-slung balls 391 00:21:33,875 --> 00:21:36,670 hanging out of your goddamn shorts for the rest of my life. 392 00:21:36,753 --> 00:21:37,671 Stop! 393 00:21:39,047 --> 00:21:40,966 Oh my God. 394 00:21:42,092 --> 00:21:44,428 -I'm so sorry. -Sweetie… 395 00:21:44,511 --> 00:21:47,472 -It's not that bad. -Babe, take a breath. 396 00:21:47,556 --> 00:21:50,392 -I knew about it. -You knew about it? 397 00:21:50,475 --> 00:21:54,479 -Well, I mean, not specifics, but-- -We had an open marriage. 398 00:21:54,563 --> 00:21:56,857 -Mom, what the fuck? -What? 399 00:21:56,940 --> 00:21:59,192 -I'm an only child, Ma. -Ma? 400 00:21:59,276 --> 00:22:01,486 There were three of us in the house. 401 00:22:01,570 --> 00:22:03,739 And you just keep something like that from me? 402 00:22:03,822 --> 00:22:07,451 -We talked about telling you-- -You knew he was fucking students? 403 00:22:07,534 --> 00:22:10,370 -Hey. It was not against the rules. -I vaguely knew, but I-- 404 00:22:10,454 --> 00:22:12,539 Know who else vaguely knew something bad was happening? 405 00:22:12,622 --> 00:22:14,875 The freaking Germans in World War II. 406 00:22:14,958 --> 00:22:17,669 That is not an appropriate comparison. 407 00:22:17,753 --> 00:22:19,713 -I'm leaving. -But I bought a bûche de Noël. 408 00:22:19,796 --> 00:22:21,590 -I'll take it to go. -But I wanted some. 409 00:22:21,673 --> 00:22:22,966 Then fucking keep it! 410 00:22:23,050 --> 00:22:24,634 Just leave her a slice. 411 00:22:25,218 --> 00:22:29,639 Sid! Sid, honey. Let's talk about this. 412 00:22:29,723 --> 00:22:31,350 -Babe. -Did you get the cake? 413 00:22:33,018 --> 00:22:34,436 Did you leave me a piece? 414 00:22:34,519 --> 00:22:36,229 Argh! 415 00:22:36,730 --> 00:22:38,106 -Missy! -Can we go? 416 00:22:38,190 --> 00:22:41,026 This is unacceptable behavior! 417 00:22:41,109 --> 00:22:44,488 This is a 48-dollar cake! 418 00:22:58,794 --> 00:23:00,712 Ugh! Just get… 419 00:23:00,796 --> 00:23:02,172 …out of here! 420 00:23:03,090 --> 00:23:04,049 This is my house too. 421 00:23:04,132 --> 00:23:06,468 Find somewhere else to sleep tonight, John, please. 422 00:23:06,551 --> 00:23:09,471 I'm serious. I'm done. It's over. No more supportive wife. 423 00:23:09,554 --> 00:23:11,807 No more staying the course. It's over. I'm done. 424 00:23:11,890 --> 00:23:13,225 Calm down. 425 00:23:13,850 --> 00:23:15,477 Get the fuck out of here! 426 00:23:15,560 --> 00:23:16,937 You kidding me? 427 00:23:17,020 --> 00:23:18,480 -Okay. -Get out of here! 428 00:23:18,563 --> 00:23:20,148 Fucking maniac. Fine. 429 00:23:39,167 --> 00:23:43,422 Do you believe the novel is still relevant in our cultural discourse? 430 00:23:43,505 --> 00:23:47,884 I guess I often think about what Vladimir Nabokov said in an interview. 431 00:23:48,593 --> 00:23:51,555 He said something like, um… "I don't wish to touch…" 432 00:23:51,638 --> 00:23:54,057 …my parents wanted me to be an engineer. 433 00:23:54,724 --> 00:23:56,476 So tell us what's next for you. 434 00:23:57,269 --> 00:23:58,979 I'm teaching, actually. 435 00:23:59,062 --> 00:24:03,108 And, uh, yes, as you said, my wife is also a writer. 436 00:24:03,191 --> 00:24:04,234 We met in Iowa. 437 00:24:04,317 --> 00:24:08,488 And, yes, there are huge benefits to that because we both understand the process. 438 00:24:08,572 --> 00:24:12,492 But, of course, with a young child, it also makes it really fuckin' hard. 439 00:24:34,473 --> 00:24:37,851 All I want is a life free of complications. 440 00:24:43,815 --> 00:24:50,113 If I can't have power, can I at least be free from other people's drama? 441 00:24:52,824 --> 00:24:54,701 Free from their behavior, 442 00:24:54,784 --> 00:24:57,746 free from their needs and their desires. 443 00:25:04,669 --> 00:25:06,463 Is that selfish? 444 00:25:07,923 --> 00:25:11,510 I've just come to the time in my life when… 445 00:25:13,345 --> 00:25:16,598 …I don't wanna have to think about anyone else. 446 00:25:36,409 --> 00:25:37,869 Is this still a good time? 447 00:25:43,083 --> 00:25:46,920 She is benediction 448 00:25:47,003 --> 00:25:51,258 She is addicted to thee 449 00:25:51,341 --> 00:25:55,095 She is the root connection 450 00:25:55,178 --> 00:26:00,100 She is connecting with he 451 00:26:00,183 --> 00:26:04,354 Here I go, and I don't know why 452 00:26:04,437 --> 00:26:08,358 I float so ceaselessly 453 00:26:08,441 --> 00:26:09,359 Could it be 454 00:26:09,442 --> 00:26:16,366 He's takin' over me? 455 00:26:17,242 --> 00:26:20,870 I'm dancin' barefoot 456 00:26:20,954 --> 00:26:24,457 Headin' for a spin 457 00:26:24,958 --> 00:26:28,878 Some strange music draws me in 458 00:26:28,962 --> 00:26:35,468 Makes me come on like some heroine