[narrator] Previously on Riverdale:
[Alice] Don't come any closer. Don't touch anything.
-It was self-defense, right? -Yes, it was.
[Betty] You lied to us.
That shady guy was a drug dealer. And what else is he lying about?
[Jughead] What do Sunnyside Trailer Park, Twilight Drive-In and Southside High
all have in common?
You control them. Now the trailer park is in jeopardy?
Can't you just feel the invisible hand of Hiram Lodge all over this?
We got people scared they're gonna lose their home.
As a gesture of goodwill, I'd like to settle any back rent
-you or your neighbors owe the town. -It's a deal.
One thing. Mayor McCoy tells me
there's some exposé you're working on, Jughead.
I'd appreciate if you kept my name out of it.
-That sounds a lot like a bribe. No deal. -Heh.
[chuckles]
See you in the funny pages.
[Jughead] Picture a girl living in the house next door.
Give her a ponytail and a secret.
Day after day, she checks the headlines and watches the local news,
waiting to be exposed.
[sighs]
Chic, what's wrong with your bathroom?
-You have better water pressure. -Tough. Use your own.
[Jughead] And bit by bit, the walls close in
until what was once just a house becomes her own private purgatory.
Still at it, Mother?
I thought you'd be tired of taking filthy wads of cash from strangers by now.
You have no right to judge me.
Not when you drove away the one chance I had at a better life.
You mean with Hal Cooper? [snickers] If that's your idea of love.
What would you know about it? You've never known love, Cheryl,
except to rip it apart.
Because you are a jealous, spite-filled,
starving, emotional anorexic.
Have a nice day at school, dear.
[Hiram] Ah, I'm glad I caught you both. Mrs. Lodge and I
were headed up to the lake house, but we're gonna have to cancel
due to some business. So, why don't you kids go instead?
Make a little romantic getaway.
-Thank you, Mr. Lodge. -That'd be amazing.
Andre can drive you up, stay nearby in case you wanna go into town.
No chaperones. Andre can drop us off. Pick us up on Sunday.
-We don't need your spy shadowing us. -Fine, mija.
Invite Betty and Jughead.
-Make a real weekend out of it. -That'd be great.
Before you head off,
-could I have a word in private? -Yeah.
Hey, just an FYI.
While you're at the lake, Mrs. Lodge and I
will be hosting a meeting at The Pembrooke
-with the major New York families. -Is everything okay?
Yeah, there's been some unrest since Poppa Poutine's death,
and I'd prefer Veronica safely out of town.
That cabin at Shadow Lake is a sort of safe house for us.
I'll make sure Veronica's protected, Mr. Lodge.
I'm sure you will.
But despite my daughter's wishes, Andre will be there, unseen but nearby.
I hope I can trust you to keep that between us.
You know, man-to-man.
[FP] I was checking out a few places.
There's that one building on Franklin and Sycamore.
Dad, there's living on the wrong side of the tracks,
and there's living directly over the tracks.
I'm a soda jerk at Pop's, Jughead. We won't be moving into The Pembrooke.
We shouldn't have to move at all. No one should have to move.
This is just Hiram Lodge's vendetta against us.
Look, he is planning something, Dad. Something big and bad.
I just have to figure out a different angle.
Hey, Moose.
There's this new movie, Love, Simon, playing at the Bijou.
It's a John Hughes-ian coming-of-age, coming-out movie.
Yeah, I know, I'm already going with Midge.
-You can come with us. She wouldn't mind. -Really? Midge is that open-minded?
Yeah, she knows all about us. I told her. She's cool with it.
Cool, right, yeah. I think I'm gonna pass. It's all a little too Big Love for me.
Fair warning, our Shadow Lake chalet is rustic,
but it has breathtaking views of the mountains, the water.
Oh, my God. That sounds heavenly, V.
What do you say, Jug? Can you bear it?
-As long as it's cool with your dad. -Mr. Lodge suggested it.
-Yeah. -Well, then cue the dueling banjos.
What? It'll be a good chance for me to work on my novel.
Excellent. Remember, the point of this luxury weekend
is to relax and unplug.
Luxury and weekend. Two of my favorite words.
So, where are we going and how extravagant a wardrobe should I pack?
Sorry, Cheryl. It's kind of a romantic couples-only weekend.
I see. Of course. My mistake.
Well, have fun with your romances.
What's up?
Don't get me wrong, I'm thrilled you're up for this weekend away,
but why am I also slightly suspicious?
Possibly because I need a new source of intel for my article on Hiram Lodge,
and I was thinking that that could be Veronica.
[scoffs]
She's on the inside of her family business.
One, can you please not investigate my best friend
when she's nice enough to invite us to her family's cabin?
And two, ever since that night, it's like...
Chic is everywhere.
I need this weekend to be an escape.
All right.
I solemnly promise I'll behave myself.
Hm.
[Betty] Be down in a second, Jug.
[Jughead chuckles]
-You must be Chic. -You're Betty's boyfriend.
Guilty.
Um... Yes.
-Nice shirt. You work at the Bijou? -You know what happened here.
-Don't worry. You can trust me. -If you tell anyone...
it'll be bad for Betty and Alice.
-What? -[footsteps approaching]
Ready. Let's go. See you, Chic.
[door opens]
When I was younger, we used to come here every summer,
whenever my dad could sneak away for a weekend.
Veronica wasn't kidding. It really was the last house on the left.
-I'll help you with the bags. -No, we've got it.
Archie?
TTFN, Andre.
See you Sunday night at 7 p.m. and not a second earlier.
Betty, wait till you see the inside.
I'm sure Mr. Lodge explained,
if there's any trouble, I'm a phone call away.
-Oh, my God. -[Veronica chuckles]
Welcome to what I humbly like to call Lodge Lodge.
[chuckles]
[cell phone ringing]
-Hello? -[Cheryl] How's the lake house?
-Are you all settled-in and spooning yet? -Who is this?
It's Cheryl, you welfare baby.
Is something wrong?
Not yet. I just wanna make sure you know
that Archie and Betty kissed in front of my house,
and that it seemed pretty serious, with-tongues serious. That's all.
Enjoy your couples-only weekend. Kisses to all. Bye.
Jug? What happened? Are you okay?
That was Cheryl.
She said you and Archie kissed in front of her house.
That's all. Enjoy your couples-only weekend. Kisses to all. Bye.
Did you just tell Jughead
-that Archie and Betty kissed? -Yes. So, what if I did?
-Did you at least have a reason? -Oh, that's right. You're new here.
Hi. I'm Cheryl Blossom, a.k.a. Cheryl Bombshell,
which means I need no reasons.
I simply am. Feel free to tremble.
I have a better idea.
Why don't you tell me what's bothering you because clearly you're in a lot of pain.
Get your sapphic Serpent hands off my body!
You think they're gonna break up? That'd be like the 12th time this year.
[chuckles] We didn't break up over it.
Archie.
That kiss.
That's for telling me about it when you did.
For trusting me.
Shows how strong we are together.
-Ronnie. -Us against the world.
Do you want the top or bottom drawer?
Jug, can we please talk about this already?
Betty, I'm not mad about the kiss.
But I am wondering why you didn't tell me when I told you about Toni.
I wanted to tell you.
Is it because you think Archie's my third-rail?
Uh...
Okay.
Yes.
I mean, you guys grew up next to each other.
Your windows literally face one another. That used to bother me.
But after everything that we've been through recently, heh,
I'm not intimidated by a Black Hood-prompted kiss.
Okay.
[bed rattling and squeaking]
Oh, my God.
Are they serious?
Is that their response to everything? Can't they ever just have a conversation?
[Betty] Hi, guys.
-Hi. -Hey.
-[Jughead] Relax. -[Betty] Heh.
Everything's fine.
Awesome, because you guys haven't tried my jalapeño margaritas.
Who wants one?
[Jughead] I'd like to propose a toast.
To the Lodges, to their hospitality, and to putting the past behind us.
Cheers.
-Cheers. -Cheers.
So, do your parents come up here
-a lot these days, Veronica? -Not as much as they'd like.
Daddy's such a workaholic.
On the SoDale project?
-Is it heating up? Is it getting intense? -[Veronica] It is.
Luckily, Archie's dad is doing a superb job of keeping everything on schedule.
V, tell us more about your fancy neighbors.
Yeah, are they in the same business as your dad?
-Jughead. I mean it. -Guys, what's up?
Betty, I'm just making idle conversation. I'm sorry. Please continue.
It's a hodgepodge, really. Some are in entertainment, some are in business,
some are in real estate.
You know what's weird? I noticed that none of the houses
have mailboxes or numbers on them. Why is that?
-Shadow Lake is a private community. -Like hiding something?
Jughead. Seriously, this isn't 20 Questions.
Toxic twin alert.
I knew things weren't kosher in the state of Bughead.
[clears throat]
Guys. I'm picking up some residual tension from, I'm guessing,
-Cheryl's random act of cruelty earlier. -What?
-No. We're fine. -Uh, no.
Which is understandable.
Fear you not, though. I have just the antidote.
Step one, clothes off, swimsuits on.
[pop music playing]
♪ Try me in your evening ♪
♪ I don't plan on leaving ♪
Ah. I don't know about you guys, but I'm feeling better already.
Okay, so, full disclosure time.
When Archie told me about the kiss, I absorbed it, processed it,
and in the end, I bear no ill will toward my beau,
nor my bestie.
But has the thought of it haunted me these last few weeks?
A tiny bit, yeah.
And now, Betty and Jughead, you are caught up in the aftermath.
So, to clear the air amongst us,
Jughead and I...
should kiss.
What?
-[chuckles] -Veronica, are you nuts?
Wait a minute, I don't know. Hold on.
Veronica and I, kissing?
Might help to, uh...
What's the--? What's the sports term, Archie?
-Uh... Level the playing field? -Betty? A little help?
-You're not upset though, Jug. -No, really, I'm not upset.
-Right. -But I'm human.
What if a future me tries to use your kiss with Archie against some future you?
A Vughead kiss? Right now, in the present,
might be precisely what is takes to save a future Bughead from imploding.
Archie, come on, man. It's just a stupid kiss.
Right?
Jughead.
Don't freak out.
Just trust me.
You know what I realized? Out of the four of us, only you and Archie haven't kissed.
Fascinating.
Wait.
What? You and Veronica?
[chuckles]
[Betty] Did it make you feel better? Kissing Veronica?
It felt good watching Archie's face.
[Betty] Okay, but did you enjoy kissing her?
I know entrapment when I hear it, Betty.
[pop music playing]
Because if you did, I might have to punish you.
How?
I packed this...
in case you needed a distraction from your sleuthing.
Consider me...
distracted.
♪ Making love to someone else ♪
[panting]
Don't get me wrong, I love a good floor show,
but if this is a response to Jughead threatening your masculinity...
I'm just getting my daily workout in.
Well...
there are other ways to do that.
I'm actually kind of tired, Ronnie.
You're kidding, right?
[bed rattling and squeaking]
Oh, my God.
Are they...?
[groans]
[chuckles]
[wood chopping]
[cell phone buzzing]
[Andre] I'd prefer if you don't go into town. Mr. Lodge's daughter isn't...
blending in.
-Veronica. -What the hell is going on here?
-Your father asked me to stay on-- -Why?
Your dad's doing business back in Riverdale,
he's hosting a meeting of the other families
and he wanted to make sure we-- You would be safe.
Wait, you knew?
Here's what's going to happen.
You're gonna tell my dad your cover's blown because you're a horrible spy,
and then you're leaving, immediately.
Go.
-[scoffs] -Veronica, I don't think it's a good idea
-to send Andre away. -No, Archie.
You need to give me some space, okay?
I'm getting Betty and we're going into town, alone, just us girls.
You can stay here and entertain Jughead.
Oh. Try not to choke on your testosterone while you're at it.
[Keller laughs]
[Josie] Mom.
-Hey, Josie. -Josie.
Tom and I were just discussing
the new security system we're installing at the law firm.
Yeah, well, you two do enjoy working together, so...
[groans]
-Well, I should get back to the station. -Okay.
[door opens]
Josie.
We talked about this. Tom and I care about each other.
I know, it's just...
It's weird to see him here, with you, like that,
especially when Dad doesn't know.
Josie.
He does know.
I told him. We were going to wait till after you graduated,
-but-- -Are you--?
Are you getting a divorce?
Because of Sheriff Keller?
Is he getting a divorce, too?
He hasn't talked to his wife yet. She's still overseas. Or Kevin.
But, Josie, we have to respect that.
Respect?
Did you know Betty and Veronica kissed?
What? What are you talking about?
Apparently, first week of school, during cheerleading tryouts,
B and V kissed.
-Really? -Yeah.
Why?
I couldn't tell you.
Betty tried explaining it, but the rationale still eludes me.
Jug. About me kissing Betty...
There's really no good excuse.
I'm sorry.
It's okay.
Admittedly, this is all way more complicated
-than any of us could have planned. -What is?
You and me, for example. I'm your best guy-friend.
Betty is your best girl-friend. Your best friends are dating.
But B and V are also best friends,
so, your best friend's girlfriend is also your girlfriend's best friend.
-Do you understand what I'm trying to say? -Uh, no. Not really.
It should be amazing we're all so close. But sometimes it terrifies me.
It's like the four of us are in a powder keg.
All it would take is one match, and we'd all blow up.
[sighs]
Great toss, Archie.
[Archie laughs]
I'm glad you called, Josie. I was thinking about this year's musical,
which I'm directing, and I want it to be a star vehicle for you.
You might not want that after I tell you why I called.
-[Keller] What are you doing here? -You and Josie's mom, is that true?
-Okay, what have you heard? -So, it's true.
Mom's risking her life every single day, and you're running around with your boss.
Former boss.
God. I spent my whole life trying to live up to your standards.
-Kevin-- -And it's all crap.
[door opens, then closes]
So, Betty, unless that was some seriously aggressive hand-holding
-I heard through the wall last night... -[chuckles]
When did that start?
The night of your confirmation.
-Really? -Mm-hm.
Well, as my abuelita likes to say, "Praise Jesus."
Hi. I'd like this, and this.
And-- Oh, the last time I was here, you had the most scrumptious scones.
Yeah, my grandma makes them, but just during the summer.
-For the summer people. -Oh. That's when we normally come up.
Ah. Thought I recognized you.
You got one of those places on Shadow Lake.
-But you're usually with your folks. -Yeah, they're back in, um...
I was about to say New York,
-but we're in Riverdale now. -That hick town?
Bet they don't even know what to do with you there.
No, they do not.
-What's your name, handsome? -Enough flirting here.
You had a fight with Archie, you didn't break up with him.
I'm Cassidy.
So, how's it been? With you and Jughead?
-Oh. Things have been nice. -Nice?
Nice is not what I heard last night.
Okay, you know what I wore that night we got Chuck into that hot tub?
Betty, what?
[giggles]
-[door opens] -[Betty] Hi.
[both] Hey.
Are you still mad at me?
Yes.
But you can make it up to me by remembering one thing.
And it's simple and non-negotiable.
From now on, it's me and you, not you and my dad, okay?
[chuckles]
[cell phone ringing]
If that's Cheryl, tell her everyone kissed everyone and it's over.
It's my dad.
Hey. Dad, what's up?
[FP] Jughead, hey. You're not gonna believe it.
Hold on. I can't hear you. Hold on a sec.
Everyone's over here celebrating.
Listen. The eviction notices, the back rent,
it's all gone, paid in full. No one has to move out.
-Amazing. How did this happen? -You. You shamed him into it.
He did a complete 180.
-Who did? What are you talking about? -Hiram. Hiram Lodge.
Well, he just bought Sunnyside Trailer Park and he said we can all stay.
-We're staying! -[all cheering]
Jug.
First your dad buys the drive-in, now he owns Sunnyside Trailer Park.
As I suspected, he is gobbling up the Southside, piece by piece.
Slow down. Mr. Lodge is evicting people from the trailer park?
No, he cleared us of our debts and revoked our evictions.
-You get to keep your trailer? -Yes.
-So, why are you outraged? -Because it's a tactic.
It's a smokescreen. PR 101. He's trying to buy my silence again.
Good lord, Jughead. How much of a narcissist are you?
You wrote an article attacking Mr. Lodge,
demanding he makes amends. That's what he's trying to do.
[scoffs]
They do kind of have a point.
Look, Jug, I know you love conspiracies,
but take the win, bro, and let's celebrate.
I credit you with a lot of things, Josie, but being cruel is not one of them.
-Tom told me what you said to Kevin. -He deserved to know the truth.
So, maybe he could save his parents' marriage.
Kevin's not talking to his father. Tom's trying to reach his wife.
-It's a mess. -Like what you did to us.
Imploding our lives? Without even telling me?
I did not implode our lives. The Lodges did.
It's not how I wanted things to come out, that choice was taken away from me.
Just like you took it away from Tom and Kevin.
I wasn't trying to hurt them.
And I wasn't trying to hurt you, either.
[sighs]
[pop music playing over speakers]
[Midge] Kevin. Hey.
-You here with anyone? -Hey, Moose, Midge.
Nope.
Uh, I'm alone.
In that case, grab your plate and come sit with us.
-Right, Moose? -Yeah, definitely.
The more the merrier.
Why the hell not?
So, Kevin, who are you meeting at the movie? Some dreamboat?
Oh, no, I don't have a date. I'm just going to this gay rom-com alone.
What?
No. No, that's crazy. We need to find you someone.
What about one of those new Southside guys? I hear one of them's gay.
If it's Fangs Fogarty, I don't think I can date someone named Fangs.
-He's a good-looking dude. -[Midge] Oh, my God.
Please. What do you know, you big lug?
[chuckles]
Hey, so, how did you two, uh, get to be friends, anyway?
-[clears throat] -Uh... We, um...
-We were... -[Kevin] Mm-hm.
Lab partners.
Biology.
Oh. Hm.
[Valen's "Cold Blood" playing]
♪ Cold, cold blood ♪
[inaudible dialogue]
♪ Cold blood ♪
[Josie] Kevin?
Josie.
Here to tell me more bad news? I don't think I could take that.
No, no. I had to get out of the house.
So, I came here. Heh.
And I saw you and, um...
I'm sorry about what I said.
I--
It wasn't my place to do that. I was just hurting and mad at my mom--
It's okay, Josie.
Um...
You--? Are you here with somebody?
Let me guess, some cherry cola for Cheryl Bombshell.
Oh, my God. What do you want? And why do you keep stalking me?
I'm not.
I came to see this movie with Fangs and he bailed on me.
Are you okay?
I'm alone at the movies.
And I'm trying to stay away from my mother
who has turned our house into her sexual playpen.
So, no.
I am really not.
Well, I was gonna go grab a seat alone,
unless you want some company, but no pressure.
[woman over speakers] But these last few years,
it's almost like I could feel you holding your breath.
You are still you, Simon.
You get to be more you than you have been in a very long time.
You deserve everything you want.
-[Veronica] I have a hotel on Park Place. -[Betty] Okay.
Which brings your total to $1500.
Sorry, B. It's nothing personal.
Yeah, I know. It's just business.
Mm-hm.
[cell phone ringing]
Ew, it's my mom.
-Should I answer it? -No.
-No.
What if it's about Chic? Let me just--
Hey, Mom, what's up?
By the way, when are we ever gonna get to meet Chic?
I actually did, before we left.
And? How is he?
Honestly, he's kind of creepy.
-[Betty] Guys. -Everything okay?
No, actually.
My mom is freaking out because Hiram Lodge just bought the Riverdale Register.
My mom is losing her mind, my dad's not answering her calls.
Veronica, did you know
-your dad was buying the Register? -What? No, Betty, of course not.
-This is what I'm talking about. -Relax, Jughead.
-Don't tell me to relax. -Is that why you brought us here?
To get us out of town while your dad does these things?
Okay, now who sounds crazy?
Lodge Industries has been buying properties all over the Southside.
Now he buys the town's newspaper so people can't report on what he's doing?
This is a classic gambit of criminals.
-Shut up, Jughead. -Archie, this one's simple.
Even you might get this if you stopped kissing up to Hiram for two seconds.
How many times have I defended you? And now you stab my family in the back?
It sounds to me you should be mad at your dad for selling the paper, not mine.
And there's nothing evil about buying a newspaper.
He's trying to silence the free press, keep Mrs. Cooper from coming after him.
I am so sick of your vendetta against my dad.
-He's done plenty of good things. -Oh, like what? Name one thing.
-He's-- -He paid my dad's medical bills.
Boy, Archie. Veronica's got you wrapped around her little finger.
And other parts of her body.
Oh! I'm sorry.
I'm sorry we don't spend our time being tragic, and moping, and holding hands
while watching serial-killer documentaries.
And wearing costumes to role-play to get our rocks off.
[glass shatters]
-Where did that come from? -Who else knows we're here?
-Why do you two say it like that? -Oh, my God.
You rich folks never learn.
You just keep walking around town, flashing cash than we see in a year.
We're gonna take what we want, and then go,
and if you guys behave yourselves, nobody gets their skulls knocked in.
Fine. Take what you want. We won't give you any trouble.
Where's your purse?
Um, it's...
In my bedroom.
-Let's go to the bedroom. -No. No way are you going with her alone.
-I'll go. -[Veronica] Archie.
It's fine. I'll be fine.
We'll be right back.
Everybody just needs to stay calm.
It's over there.
I'm just gonna pick it up, okay?
Why are you doing this?
You think I don't recognize you?
-From the store? -Shut up and get your wallet.
Can we go already? You got the cash?
Yeah. I got the cash.
-Then you got what you wanted. -Not everything.
Not yet. Why don't you all get down on your knees?
-Come on, man. Let's not do this. -Shut up.
I said, on your knees.
Hands behind your backs.
Do it!
It's a nice cabin.
Sorry we have to make such a mess in it.
[phone ringing]
The hell is that?
That would be the security company calling to check on the alarm I hit in my bedroom.
I'd say you have 30 seconds to run before this place is swarming with guards
who will shoot first and ask questions never.
Screw you, rich bitch.
-[Veronica] Archie, don't! -[Jughead] No, Arch!
[grunting]
[rustling]
Andre. There were some other guys with him. Did you see them?
Go back to the cabin. I'll take care it from here.
-What are you gonna do? -I said...
I'll take care of it.
[panting]
[gunshot]
[bell jingles]
First of all, thank you, Mom, and Sheriff Keller,
for coming to meet me and Kevin.
-We promise you this isn't a trap. -It's that--
Kevin and I were talking after the movie and we thought--
This conversation is bigger than just two people.
It's bigger than the people in this booth, even.
And it's probably gonna be a long one.
So, we should get started.
[Toni] You may think you've mastered the art of silent tears,
-but I saw you crying during that movie. -I never cry at movies.
Real life's tragic enough.
But when Simon's mom said
he used to be such a carefree kid growing up,
and then, at a certain point, he stopped being that happy kid,
-because he was hiding a secret, it just-- -Cheryl.
Everyone thinks I'm this loveless monster.
But it isn't true.
I loved someone...
who loved me.
And my mother destroyed it.
You mean your brother Jason?
I heard how close you guys were.
No. Not Jay-Jay.
Her...
Her name was Heather.
She was my best friend in junior high.
She used to sleep over every weekend.
Until one night, my mother caught us in the same bed.
She said I was deviant.
Cheryl, I am so sorry.
But you have to know your mother's wrong.
You're not loveless.
You're not deviant, okay?
You're sensational.
♪ Cross my heart, hope to die ♪
Thank God Andre didn't leave when I told him to.
Thank God you didn't catch up
to that hillbilly in the woods. He might've killed you, Archie.
And that would've been--
[Jughead] Archie didn't say any more about what happened that terrible night.
At least not to us.
[Hiram] Veronica told me what happened at the cabin.
[sighs] And then Andre told me the rest.
You did the right thing telling those boys to take what they wanted and get out.
It was a smart choice.
It was the only choice.
-Thank you for saying that, Mr. Lodge. -Yeah.
What happened between Andre and that miscreant...
Did that bother you?
What Andre did?
The night we stopped the Black Hood...
there's only one thing that I regret.
I had him.
The man who tried to kill my dad, I had him.
And I hesitated.
He might've gotten away if it wasn't for Sheriff Keller.
When it comes to protecting yourself or your loved ones...
you never, ever, hesitate.
You can stop worrying now. I'm home.
As we were driving back from The Shining, I was thinking...
there's more than one kind of home invasion.
It's not always fast and violent.
Sometimes we open the door, and we let the intruder in ourselves.
What do you mean?
Before we left, I got a really weird vibe from Chic.
Just be careful, okay?
-Bye. -Bye.
[door closes]
[Jughead] And so this chapter comes full circle,
ending where it began,
with a girl in a house that was far from sweet.
And perhaps far from safe. was far from sweet.