[narrator] Previously on Riverdale:
-New wheels, Mr. Lodge? -It's yours, Archie.
[Betty] This is what guys like Chuck think about women. We're objects.
[Penelope] Cheryl was obsessed with you.
-I was afraid she might hurt you. -Cheryl threatened me.
Know about Southside High closing?
You acted like you didn't know. I can't trust you, V.
Chic, you should leave this house.
I hurried back for Carrie: The Musical. And this school's gonna burn.
-Jughead, thank you for meeting me. -I know what you're gonna ask.
I'm making a documentary following our production of Carrie.
We're going period, '70s glamour, like the Sissy Spacek movie.
I want you to be our videographer.
I'm in.
♪ [singing] Every day I just pray Every move I make is right ♪
♪ Where I go, who I know ♪
♪ Will I be alone on Saturday night? ♪
♪ I don't worry if I blow my SATs ♪
♪ I worry what can I possibly do ♪
♪ To squeeze in Pow ♪
♪ Why not now? ♪
♪ When will I belong? Look where I am, damn ♪
♪ My whole life feels wrong ♪
♪ What if I do snap? Holy crap ♪
♪ I'd crawl out of my skin And so would you ♪
♪ 'Cause life just doesn't begin Until you're in ♪
Maybe Andrews Construction could help build the sets for the musical.
I got the lumber, the tools, I'm in-between gigs.
-You'd do that? -Absolutely.
I'm thrilled you're getting back into music.
Been a while since we spent time together.
-Awesome. -Great. I'll give you a ride.
Uh... I'm good. I'm gonna take my bike, thanks.
♪ [singing] God, it's rough staying tough Wondering what the world will say ♪
♪ Make a plan Be a man ♪
♪ All this fricking crap Just gets in the way ♪
♪ I go crazy Nobody cares what it does to me ♪
♪ And it's crazy I would go out of my mind ♪
-♪ Am I? Am I? Am I? ♪ -♪ To be in it, in is it ♪
♪ What comes close to that? ♪
♪ Until you've been in You ain't where it's at ♪
♪ 'Cause when you're out Well, life is hell ♪
♪ You can never win ♪
♪ There's no doubt That life just doesn't begin ♪
♪ Doesn't begin ♪
♪ Until you're in ♪
Welcome to Carrie: The Musical.
[chair scraping]
Hey, Fangs.
Okay, next. Introductions.
I'm, uh, Archie. I'm playing Tommy Ross, the boy next door.
I'm Betty. I play Sue Snell, the good girl.
Veronica Lodge, playing mean girl Chris Hargensen.
I'm Cheryl Blossom, playing the iconic role of Carrie White.
[Ethel coughs] Tone deaf.
-Who's playing your mom, Margaret White? -I am.
-Mom. -Wait, seriously?
Settle down.
It's untraditional, but nothing's more amateur than age-inappropriate casting.
I'm looking forward to getting to know this woman, get under her skin.
And spend some time with my daughter Elizabeth.
Uh, sorry. I thought rehearsal was in the Music Room.
No problem. All are welcome here.
[Jughead] So, [sighs] Chuck Clayton.
Why did you say yes to being in the musical?
I'm trying to reform my image.
And, yeah, maybe it's counterintuitive to be playing the villain,
but somebody's gotta do it. And I wanna do it right.
You know, show up, put in the work, be a member of the team.
And, who knows, maybe then people will start to change their minds about me.
Kind of weird, huh? The two of us playing boyfriend and girlfriend.
[Jughead] Easy there, Arch. Big Brother's watching.
No, I mean, things are strained with the four of us,
but we're here for Kevin, to do this play. Let's make it painless.
Archie, Veronica lied to all of us, you included.
Conspiring with her parents against the school?
It's fine that you're doing what Tommy Ross would do,
which is stand by her. But from where I'm standing?
Veronica's as much of a privileged, selfish, spiteful mean girl
as the part she's playing.
Okay, Act One, Scene One.
Actually... before we begin...
I've heard whisperings that some of you ensemble-vultures
don't think I'm fit to play or sing the role of Carrie White.
So, to settle this once and for all... Maestro?
Okay, uh, Cheryl--
♪ [singing] That's not my name ♪
[Kevin] Uh, Cheryl.
♪ I hear that word Sounding so sweet ♪
♪ Thousands of voices forever repeating Carrie ♪
♪ Carrie Carrie ♪
♪ I am the sound of distant thunder ♪
♪ That color, a flame ♪
♪ I'm Carrie ♪
♪ I am a song of endless wonder That no one will claim ♪
♪ But someday Oh, my, someday ♪
♪ Someone will know my name ♪
Wow. I think I speak for everyone when I say that was undeniable.
[shrieks]
[gasps]
I have a dark confession to make.
After Cheryl's brush with death,
I found a letter in my locker from someone alleging to be--
And I can't believe I'm about to say this.
--the Black Hood.
It's a prank. Look at it.
Why would the Black Hood, who was shot dead by my dad,
be demanding that the role of Carrie be recast?
[Jughead] It does seem pretty small potatoes for the Black Hood.
Yeah. Still, Jug, you can't tell anyone about this.
As official documentarian, you're sworn to secrecy.
Also, the show, as they say, must go on.
♪ [singing] Tommy, lately I've just not been feeling right ♪
♪ I'm so ashamed of how We've all been treating Carrie White ♪
♪ Now, I realize This is hardly your concern ♪
♪ I hate to drag you into this But I've got nowhere else to turn ♪
♪ Do me a favor ♪
♪ There's something that Carrie White Will just have to learn ♪
♪ If she plays with fire She's gonna get burned ♪
♪ I want her to pay up For all that she cost me ♪
♪ And make her good and sorry That she ever crossed me ♪
-♪ You gotta help me ♪ -♪ If you help me ♪
♪ I could even up this debt ♪
♪ And we could both give Carrie White A night she won't forget ♪
♪ Do me a favor ♪
♪ Think of Carrie I've said everything I could ♪
♪ But one small act of kindness Might change Carrie's life for good ♪
-Fine. -♪ Come on, come on ♪
♪ Okay, okay, okay ♪
♪ There's something that Carrie White Will just have to learn ♪
♪ If she plays with fire She's gonna get burned ♪
♪ I'm begging, I'm pleading I'm down on my knees ♪
♪ If you really love me Well, then, baby, baby, please ♪
♪ Do me a favor ♪
Ronnie, I need to ask you something.
What? You want us to take that sexy new Firebird of yours to Lovers' Lane?
[chuckles]
I was gonna ask if I can keep it at the Pembrooke.
Why?
I haven't told my dad about the Firebird.
And our dads are literal rivals.
If my dad finds out yours gave me this gift,
it'll trigger World War III.
Fine. Our garage is your garage.
About the election, you really think Fred has a shot?
In our favor, he's essentially running on a platform of family values
with none of his family by his side. Mary's gone, thank God.
And, well, Archie and Fred, they've never been so distant, have they?
We just need to keep it that way.
No way is this legit.
It's a legit threat, but it's not from the real Black Hood.
No. This is a classic Phantom of the Opera tactic.
Mystery man sends menacing note
demanding a certain diva soprano gets recast or else...
Who's to say this letter came from a mystery man at all?
That's a good point.
Hey, Ethel, what looks good?
Someone picked out all the M&M's from the trail mix.
Ugh. That's terrible. It was probably Cheryl.
She's always taking things that she shouldn't,
like the role of Carrie from you.
That's nice of you to say, Betty.
For Kevin to have cast Cheryl as Carrie without even letting you audition...
Would you say you feel angry?
I mean, I was born to play Carrie.
So, not to be given a shot at it, yeah, it makes me angry.
-Wait, is Jughead filming us? -No. Oh, no, no.
No, he's shooting B-roll.
I have no idea what you're trying to get me to admit,
but I am not a violent person. And I would never do anything
to threaten or harm anybody for my own benefit, ever.
[Dan Auerbach's "Up on a Mountain of Love" playing on speakers]
-What's happening, handsome? -Just bussing tables, Alice. You?
Just finished rehearsal.
I'm in the high school musical. Can you believe it?
Maybe you'll come by, check it out?
I'm working, Alice. Sorry.
Wow, really? This old act again?
You know what's funny? I was afraid our kids would make the mistakes we did.
Turns out we're the ones making them all over again.
♪ When you're up on a mountain of On a mountain of love ♪
In this scene, teacher Mrs. Gardener is being a friend when our girl has none,
-out of kindness. -I'll fake it as best I can.
♪ [singing] So many years You faced the world alone ♪
♪ Frightened that life might pass you by ♪
♪ Then he appears Someone who smiles at you ♪
♪ This is no time to question why ♪
Stop, stop. Stop!
I'm the only one that's allowed to stop.
I can't do this, have you hating me while we're singing about friendship.
I know everything I did was legit crazy, Josie.
But I was wrestling with some dark, Carrie White-like demons.
I'm so, so sorry.
So, please, please forgive me.
♪ [singing] That's how it starts ♪
♪ Two unsuspecting hearts ♪
♪ In a world where nothing's sure And nothing's ever guaranteed ♪
-♪ Nothing's guaranteed ♪ -♪ You should trust the way you feel ♪
-♪ Trust the way you feel ♪ -♪ That's the only thing that's real ♪
♪ It's like magic how your spirit soars ♪
♪ Once you feel his hand in yours ♪
-♪ That's how it, that's how it starts ♪ -♪ That's how it ♪
-♪ Two unsuspecting hearts ♪ -♪ Two unsuspecting hearts ♪
Veronica, mija. I noticed the Firebird parked in the Pembrooke garage.
Is there a problem?
No, Daddy. Archie is parking it here until he tells Fred you gave it to him.
He's worried he's gonna bruise his dad's ego.
-That makes sense. -Yep.
Cheers, mi alma.
In keeping with this week's theme, I've just had a wicked idea.
♪ [singing] Guess what Ever since the world began ♪
♪ Same plot ♪
♪ Everyone's been dumping On their fellow man ♪
♪ Pounding people they feel better than ♪
♪ I hope you're taking notes 'Cause you feel everyone deserves a shot ♪
♪ Get real, some of us have got it, girl And some got squat ♪
♪ That's the truth, oh, honey Like it or not ♪
♪ I hate to break it to you ♪
♪ My daddy taught me You get nowhere being nice ♪
♪ So, now I'm sharing his advice ♪
♪ The world according to Chris is Better to strike than get struck ♪
♪ Better to screw than get screwed ♪
♪ You'd probably think it's bizarre ♪
♪ And that's the way things are ♪
♪ My daddy taught me who's on top And who's below ♪
♪ And now it's time I let you know ♪
♪ The world according to Chris is Better to punch than get punched ♪
♪ Better to burn than get burned ♪
♪ Learn that and you're gonna go far ♪
♪ 'Cause that's the way things are Ha, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na ♪
♪ Ha, na, na, na, na, na, na, na ♪
Let's party, people!
-♪ According to Chris ♪ -♪ The world according to Chris ♪
-♪ Her world ♪ -♪ The world according to Chris ♪
-♪ According to Chris ♪ -♪ The world according to Chris ♪
-♪ Her world ♪ -♪ The world according to Chris ♪
♪ Her world ♪
[all applauding]
Okay, Veronica, I am obsessed with everything.
Thank you. It helps to be off-book and in full costume.
[Betty chuckles]
Don't be so modest.
You're the literal embodiment of Chris.
Never has a role been so perfectly typecast.
Betty.
What was that, Betty?
I mean, think about it.
Spoiled rich girl, check.
Major daddy issues, check.
Bad to the bone,
trying to control everyone, including her boyfriend and best friend,
check, check, check.
-[Archie] How could you be so mean? -Archie--
Betty, you have no idea what's going on with Veronica.
All this intense stuff with her family, the pressure she's under.
She's trying her best
-under insane circumstances. -Can you tell me how?
Please, help me understand so I can let this go.
It's not for me to say, Betty.
You remember how quickly she forgave you
when the Black Hood made you say those horrible things?
So, really, who should be playing Chris and who should be playing Sue?
Archie, Betty, can you join us?
We're ready to run Tommy and Sue's love ballad.
♪ [singing] If you could see The way that you look to me ♪
♪ I bet that you'd be amazed At the sight ♪
♪ You'd see a heart That's fearless and true ♪
♪ From my point of view ♪
♪ Oh, you shine ♪
V.
[chuckles] Betty, if you're here to rip into me again,
I agree with what you said back there.
If there's anything playing Chris has illuminated,
it's that I've been a terrible friend.
I couldn't disagree more.
♪ [singing] I think you hide so much You feel inside ♪
♪ But I know deep down There's a fire burning bright ♪
♪ From where you stand It might not be clear ♪
♪ But you shine from here ♪
♪ No doubt No more fears ♪
♪ I see you shine And the dark disappears ♪
♪ Then I know everything Is gonna be fine ♪
♪ Because you shine Just how you shine ♪
Afternoon, gentlemen.
I came to check on the show I'm producing, and lo and behold, Fred Andrews.
I'm just donating my free time, Hiram.
-Has Archie taken you for a spin yet? -Mr. Lodge--
In the new Firebird I bought him? For the help he's given me.
Yeah, it's a pretty smooth ride.
Yeah.
A young man never forgets his first car.
[Archie] Dad, it's just a car.
Just a car? Did I raise you to be that spoiled?
This doesn't have to be a big deal.
It is to me, son.
I was planning on us picking out an old jalopy.
We could've fixed it up, like me and Grandpa Artie did.
Honey, I'm sure you're probably still upset with me,
but I still miss you, and I am worried about you.
I love you, Chic.
Please call me when you can.
Mom?
Your brother won't return my calls. Not that I blame him, for what I did.
I'm gonna get water. Do you want anything?
Jughead, the sandbag was an accident, and the letter was a prank, right?
Seems like it.
That's what I thought, but I found this in my locker.
A letter from the Black Hood.
"This is your last warning to replace Cheryl.
Next time, the sandbag won't miss."
Cheryl, it's your safety. I have to recast the role of Carrie.
I will not succumb to thespian terrorism
and allow myself to be ousted from this.
After the fires I've walked through, Kevin,
the world needs to see me up on that stage,
a phoenix reborn in the spotlight.
Well, they'll have to wait, Cheryl.
-Mother. -Even in a town as twisted as Riverdale,
students require parental approval to partake in extracurricular activities.
As I reminded Principal Weatherbee
when I told him you didn't have my approval to do the musical,
and never will.
So, you just feast on broken dreams now, is that it?
Playing a murderous telekinetic teen who kills her mother?
Please.
This matricidal revenge fantasy,
never gonna happen.
That's final.
[sighs]
Due to some circumstances, Cheryl will no longer be playing Carrie White.
-What? -Why?
Penelope Blossom isn't much of a stage mom.
[chuckles]
Cheryl's by the gym bleachers.
Cheryl's understudy will assume the role.
Understudy?
I appointed one after the sandbag incident.
Midge Klump.
[all applauding]
[Cheryl] Screw the musical.
I just wanted to prove to everyone that I'm still me.
But maybe I'm not.
Toni, even Carrie White could stand up to her mother.
Cheryl, you gotta show your mother who's in charge.
I don't know if I can anymore.
I'm not the same girl who burned down Thornhill.
Sure you are.
You're not done playing Carrie, Cheryl, not by a long shot.
♪ [singing] Stay here instead Just tell me what you'd like to do ♪
♪ We'll talk and we'll laugh And I'll sing to you ♪
♪ And I promise you, we won't fight ♪
♪ Don't leave tonight ♪
♪ You don't know these people They're not your friends ♪
♪ Carrie ♪
♪ They're only waiting To tear you in two ♪
What if they like me?
♪ Just like your father They'll leave when they're through ♪
-They might like me. They'll like me. -You're a fool.
♪ [singing] Aren't you aware How people deceive? ♪
♪ They'll take you and break you And then they will leave you ♪
♪ Carrie Carrie ♪
♪ Carrie ♪
♪ You are the love I was betrayed for ♪
♪ My pride and my shame My Betty ♪
♪ We're one and the same ♪
♪ Don't go ♪
Don't go.
♪ [singing] Don't go ♪
Mom?
Don't leave me, Betty. Don't leave me like all the others.
[sobbing]
Am I directing a train wreck? And where's my tea?
Mom.
I'm not going anywhere, okay?
Everything is crumbling.
I've lost everyone.
No, I haven't lost everyone. I've driven everyone away.
I gave my son away when he was born.
And then I just did it again.
And your father and I aren't together
because we're still fighting about something that happened years ago.
And you and I have never been so frayed.
[Betty] My mom's always been a woman on the verge.
I have to do something to help her, Jughead.
Something to make her feel less alone and abandoned.
Guys, the programs are in, and they look amazing.
Make sure to get them signed on opening night.
-Dad, what are you doing here? -Gotta get the sets in.
Yeah. I guess I just assumed--
That I would quit because we had a disagreement?
That's not the way I roll.
[Archie] When Kevin came to me about Carrie,
he said I was the embodiment of Tommy Ross.
Loyal, selfless...
a hero, a force for good.
But I'm none of those things.
I'm not the hero of any story.
Lately I've been going down this dark path,
ignoring how much it hurt my dad.
[Archie] I gotta get something off my chest.
You may be my boss, but please, don't try to get between me and my dad.
Because I promise you, sir...
that is a battle you will lose, every time.
Thank you for the Firebird...
but I won't be needing it anymore.
Oh, who are we kidding?
It's opening night. We're too nervous to eat, anyway.
[Hal] Alice?
Thank you.
Welcome.
I'm allergic to peonies.
But how would you know that? We've only been married for decades.
I'd really like to come back home, Alice.
If you'll have me.
If we do this, Hal, there can't be any more secrets between us.
-Which means-- Betty? -Yeah?
-Honey, can you give us a moment? -Yeah.
There's something you should know about Chic.
[sighs]
To be honest, I always suspected that Chic wasn't mine.
I don't care, Alice.
I wanna come home.
Alice.
Our secrets can't hurt us anymore.
We can be together again.
-Don't you have a show to get ready for? -I do, but this couldn't wait.
I gave back the Firebird, Dad.
Then I sold some of my stuff so I could buy this off Junkyard Steve.
It needs a lot of work, Dad... but I'm up for it if you are.
You better get going, Arch. I don't want you to be late.
♪ [singing] You ain't seen nothin' yet ♪
♪ It's gonna be a night You'll never forget ♪
♪ You ain't seen nothin' yet ♪
♪ It's gonna be a night We'll never forget ♪
♪ This will be just great ♪
♪ Oh, my life is gonna take flight ♪
♪ Can't wait till Saturday night ♪
♪ Yeah ♪
-♪ Eighty bucks for a tux ♪ -♪ Damn, we better get laid ♪
♪ You've been prayin' for that Since the seventh grade ♪
♪ It's the least we deserve After everything we've paid ♪
-♪ Got the food ♪ -Got the drinks.
♪ Got the limo for ten ♪
♪ And we won't get a chance Like this again ♪
♪ We'll be leaving as boys But we're coming home as men ♪
♪ This will be just great ♪
-♪ Yeah, my life is gonna take flight ♪ -♪ Can't wait till Saturday night ♪
♪ You ain't seen nothin' yet It's gonna be a night we'll never forget ♪
♪ I believe in getting even That's what I believe ♪
♪ And I just don't forgive and forget ♪
♪ You ain't seen nothing yet It's gonna be a night we'll never forget ♪
♪ You ain't seen nothin' yet It's gonna be a night we'll never forget ♪
♪ You ain't seen nothin' yet ♪
♪ It's gonna be a night We'll never forget ♪
♪ You ain't seen nothin' yet ♪
♪ It's gonna be a night we'll never No, never ♪
♪ We'll never forget ♪
♪ A night we'll never forget ♪
[door opens]
Claudius? Is that you?
Do you know whose blood this is, Mommy?
This is Jason's blood. This is Daddy's blood.
And the next blood to be spilt will be yours.
Cheryl, dear God.
You've been in cahoots with Daddy's twin.
You tried to kill Nana Rose,
and then you shipped me off to a ghoulish nunnery.
But your depraved gambits are finished.
If you so much as pluck one hair from Nana Rose's little head...
I'll end you.
I burned one house down, I'll happily burn another.
Nightmare Child, what do you want from me?
I wanna be emancipated.
I want Thistlehouse all to myself and my Nana.
Start packing, Mummy.
You and Uncle Claudius are pig-people
and should live amongst the pigs.
[chattering]
Thank you. Hello. Good to see you.
Thank you. John. How are you?
[Alice] Hal. Come here.
Did you bring him?
-Ten minutes to places. Where is Fangs? -I don't know.
[Kevin] Fangs.
I was giving Midge some last-minute notes.
Hurry up. It's ten minutes to places.
[Jughead] Hey, Ethel?
I'm doing final interviews.
Ethel?
[sighs]
QED, folks, it was Ethel.
[Ethel] What was?
[Jughead] Uh...
-Just the magazines. -I know what you're thinking.
You're wrong.
-Those were for my vision board. -It's okay. Tell me.
Get out of my dressing room, Jughead.
[Jughead] Sounds like a guilty conscience to me.
-Hey, Moose. -Out of my way, Jug.
[all] What a to-do to die today at a minute or two till two
A thing distinctly hard to say, but harder still to do
[all laughing]
Chuck... let me speak for the whole gang
when I say that your behavior throughout rehearsals
has been nothing short of that of a proper Victorian gentleman.
Um...
What does that mean?
Your pariahship is officially over.
Hey, Betty.
Chic...
you made it.
-Of course. I wouldn't miss this. -[Kevin] Five minutes to places!
You should get back to your seat, Chic. You're not really allowed to be backstage.
No problem.
Break a leg, sis.
♪ [singing] Father Almighty She's only a child ♪
♪ But the woman is waking inside her ♪
♪ She will be lost If her passion runs wild ♪
♪ So, I can't let her stumble and fall ♪
♪ Maybe I do things that I can't explain ♪
♪ But my feelings for her never change ♪
♪ You are still my precious one ♪
♪ Can you forgive what I've done? ♪
All right, Carrietta, it's time to come out of your closet.
Uh, Kevin, did you re-block this? Why isn't she on her knees?
I...
-I don't think that's part of the show. -Oh, my God.
Somebody should help her. Help her!
[screaming]
[audience screaming and shouting]
Betty. ce screaming and shouting]