[ominous music playing]
[Jughead] How many times have you wondered:
If you could have any superpower,
what would it be?
Because, of course, nobody ever thinks about the downside to having superpowers.
The piercing headaches and blind spots.
The kisses of death.
The strange, debilitating vulnerabilities you develop.
What the hell are you doing now, Percival? Reggie, are you serious?
You do realize he's using his Jedi mind tricks to control you, right?
I know you think I'm an idiot, Archie, but the mayor's taking us places.
Especially after I build my new railroad, which will take a route
directly through this quaint but woefully outdated diner.
You are not tearing down Pop's. Okay? You'll have to go through me first.
Classic American bravado.
Tell me, have you seen my new ring? Pure palladium.
Don't make me beat you up again.
I doubt your body or your bruised ego can survive another encounter with me.
Future's coming. Best not to be a penny on the tracks, eh?
[Cheryl] Oh, Nana.
I'm debating consulting the spirits for guidance.
Given recent events, my mind has turned to the past.
Namely, my junior-high sweetheart, Heather.
Oh.
The lost love.
I stalked her on social. She's a librarian.
And she lives in Greendale, which is not that far.
I can't help but thinking maybe our story isn't finished.
Well, if you ask me, what's done is done.
Heather's gone. Let her be.
O sphere of knowledge, should I call Heather?
Fine.
In that case...
maybe an e-mail.
That's good, right? No presh.
Any luck with, uh, Tabitha in Albany?
Nah, she's hitting some dead ends. It's not looking so good.
Jeez, can we not get one win on this guy?
He stole the mayorship,
he's coming after our friends, our family, it's like we're playing constant defense.
If you're gonna start using sports metaphors,
I'm gonna start using comic ones.
-I didn't know you were that into comics. -What can I say? I contain multitudes.
What can I say? I contain multitudes.
I asked my mom for these old comics from Toledo.
After that stuff with my grandpa only writing one book,
I thought it'd be good for me to go back into creative writing.
Comics or graphic novels.
How did Superman do it? How did he beat kryptonite?
Well, if I'm remembering my Kryptonian lore correctly,
there's an old comic where Supes built up an immunity to it by exposing himself.
You know, Mighty Mouse did the same thing.
-What was Mighty Mouse's weakness? -Limburger cheese.
It's not exactly hard science we're talking about.
Nothing has been scientific since that explosion.
Cheryl might still have some palladium.
Talk to me, doctor. What's your diagnosis?
Your body seems to be generating enormous amounts of toxins.
And it's not just from the saliva on your lips.
It's in your tears, in your blood,
in your perspiration.
I'm actually not sure how you haven't died yet.
So, what do we do?
I'm going to suggest a strict regimen of dialysis to detoxify your body.
Wait, dialysis?
But I don't even feel sick.
We need to lower the amount of poison in your body.
And until we do, I think that you should avoid
any and all physical contact with any person or persons.
[Betty] I need your help, Jug.
-What's up? -Can you--?
Will you read my mind?
This sounds like a trap.
Not my conscious mind,
my subconscious mind.
I need you to go deep into memories that I may have repressed.
First off, I don't even know if this is something I'm capable of.
No, I know.
I know. A lot of...
TBK stuff resurfaced for me during the fog,
and then Percival's damn library books brought up things from my past
about my dad and...
I just feel like an open wound. A re-opened wound.
And I'm trying to stitch myself back together.
But I need the missing pieces,
the things that my memory is suppressing, and I can't get to them on my own, so...
-please, Jug. -Okay.
Yeah, okay. I'll do some research on deep mind-reading.
'Tis only fitting, since you were the one who dug it up from my mines.
Thank you, Cheryl. I'll get it back to you, ASAP.
No rush.
But, Archie, you do realize you are playing with forces
far beyond your understanding or the natural world?
You don't know where your powers come from
or why palladium specifically weakens you and not the others.
Are you certain chasing immunity is worth the risk this ore poses you?
Percival hasn't left me with many options.
True, but unlike you, I do have experience in the supernatural.
Perhaps I can divine a pathway through this for you
without it costing you your life.
[dramatic music playing]
[ominous music playing]
[grunting]
[intercom beeps]
-Yes, Jay? -[Jay] Sorry to bother you,
but Mr. Shipley left another message--
I don't care how many prime investors call.
We're pushing the meeting.
I told Mr. Shipley that, and he said they're holding a sit-down meeting
-with or without you at the casino. -Fine. It's their funeral.
[footsteps approaching]
-Nana, have you seen my book on Rasputin? -Yes. I was reading it the other night.
Okay, well, can I have it back? I'm doing some research,
and it may contain some esoteric information to help poor Archie.
Or is it merely to distract yourself
from the fact that Heather hasn't responded to your e-mail yet?
Well, she hasn't, has she?
No.
Sadly.
Well, in my experience, people usually respond promptly to e-mails...
when they care.
In your experience, people also communicated by pigeon.
Now, get my Russian tome, you Baba Yaga.
Hey, I'm gonna go meet up with Jughead.
-Are you okay? -Yeah. Totally.
Before you leave, could you open this can for me?
Sure. Why do you need my help?
Oh, my God, Archie.
Were you punching a brick wall?
You are going to break every bone in your body.
Well, that's just it, Betty. It was a regular workout.
Even before I was invulnerable, I would tear into that bag, and it was no problem.
-This time I felt I was punching nails. -Because you're wearing that stupid rock!
Stop this crazy regimen you're on.
I can't, Betty.
I can't be weak in the face of Percival.
[pensive music playing]
Sorry I'm late, boys.
Had to make myself presentable for such VIPs.
Veronica, is that you?
Yes. It is, Reginald.
Can't believe you're here. Considering I banished your ass.
As for my appearance, I was feeling rather germophobic,
but since you all insisted on meeting in person, well, here I am.
Good, because we, as shareholders, and don't forget, I'm also co-founder,
we have a lot of concerns about what's happening at the Babylonium.
Mm. What are these concerns?
For starters, we're questioning your decision to remove me
from the casino's day-to-day operations.
-Oh. Well, if that's your biggest worry-- -It's not.
There's the fact no one in this room sees a return on their investments
until the casino starts turning a profit,
and there hasn't been one week under your leadership
that the Babylonium's been in the black.
-Is that all? -It was.
But I also have to add, you look insane right now.
Nice, Reggie.
Gentlemen.
Clearly, my former colleague has been stirring the pot,
but need I remind you,
when we opened the Babylonium,
we all knew that the first year would be the most difficult,
yet every week we move toward profitability.
Nevertheless, we found a buyer for the casino.
If we sell now, we get our money back.
Plus a little extra.
Selling now would be a colossal mistake.
Woefully shortsighted.
Give me a few days to put together a new company valuation
so you can see exactly what you'd be walking away from.
[Jughead] So I did a deep dive on memory reading.
Now, meditation, hypnotherapy, guided visualization,
they all circle the same ideas, right?
I think we can apply these principles to my gift or power.
Okay. Great. What do I do?
You're going to need to think of your memories as something visual.
I recommend a, um, series of comic books.
Then your mind will organize these free-floating memories
into a collection.
Your subconscious mind will do the same with your repressed memories,
-which I can then access or read. -Okay.
Deep breaths.
Relax.
[pensive music playing]
Establish physical contact.
Let's go digging.
[Jughead] Nurse off duty?
Holy crap.
You haven't gone full Yellow Wallpaper on me yet, have you?
They're crazy. My parents are crazy.
And now, all I can think is maybe I'm crazy like they are.
-[sighs] -Hey. We're not our parents, Betty.
Also...
What?
[Betty] Finding anything?
Uh, just surface stuff.
Let me keep digging.
[Betty] Jug.
Do you think evil can be passed on?
What if it's my destiny, my birthright,
something I'll never be able to control or understand?
Hey. Look at me.
I know you.
You're a good person, Betty. You might have some darkness...
but you're not evil.
-[Betty] Still just shared memories? -Yeah, so far.
I think you're gonna need to go even deeper, Jug.
[ominous music playing]
-[cat caterwauls] -[bell jingles]
Daddy, did I do a bad thing?
No, sweetie.
No, it was Caramel who did a bad thing by trying to run away.
That's why she was hit by that car.
She was a sinner, Betty.
And sinners need to be punished.
Tell me, how did it feel when you brought that rock down on her?
-Bad. -But was there also maybe...
some excitement?
[Betty] Oh, my God.
He was grooming me.
-My dad was grooming me to be a killer. -It's no wonder you repressed that memory.
-I would have too. -You have to keep sifting
through my mind, Jug. I've lived with darkness my whole life,
-but where did it start? -Okay.
But first, we take a break. Both of us.
Merciful Gaia, you look like death warmed over, Archie.
It's the palladium.
I knew something was gonna happen.
You're an amateur trafficking in the arcane arts.
-I have to-- -Build up an immunity to it, yes.
And you will the right way. With some of my yummy palladium soup.
The raw ore is too intense for you. You have to titrate your exposure, Archie.
Like the Russian mystic, Rasputin, did. He ingested small amounts
of diluted poison over time to build up a resistance to it.
-And it worked for this Russian guy? -Absolutely.
He became almost impossible to kill. They had to drown him in the end.
-Reggie, what the hell was that ambush? -Seems we could ask you the same thing.
There really should be rules--
Feel free to move out anytime you want, Percival.
Back to you, Reggie. I had a feeling you might be in cahoots
with this charlatan. Did he put you up to this misguided play?
There you go again.
You can't imagine me doing something, anything for myself, can you?
But guess what.
This is all me.
I called the meeting, I rallied the shareholders,
and I lined up the buyer!
Why?
Because we broke up?
What is the matter with you?
How low is your self-esteem?
Seriously, you're a 6'2", 200-pound jellyfish.
I sincerely, legitimately, truly believe you should have your head x-rayed
because I guarantee you, there is Swiss cheese
where your brain is supposed to be. You ignorant, insecure, petty--
Oh, my God.
What the hell was that?
[ominous music playing]
I don't think the dialysis is working, Dr. Curdle.
I'm giving people nosebleeds.
Indeed. Your latest toxicology panel reveals the toxins in your body
have increased, not decreased.
Okay, so what are my other options? The barbarians are at the gate
and the last thing I need is to start showing signs of weakness
-or sickness. -To be honest, Miss Lodge...
I don't see how this ends other than with you succumbing
to the very toxins your body is producing.
I see.
Sounds an awful lot like a death sentence, Dr. Curdle.
I'm deeply sorry.
O trusted oracle, still no e-mail from Heather.
Should I call her?
[ominous music playing]
Screw it.
[line ringing]
Greendale Public Library, this is Heather speaking.
How may I assist you?
One thirty-five.
I haven't weighed 135 since junior high.
Ready for Round 2
of "So My Dad's a Serial Killer and Tried to Make Me One Too"?
I honestly have no idea what the criteria is for ready here, so...
[Alice] I don't understand these tests you made us get.
It says I have an MAOA gene mutation?
-What does that even mean? -That means you're special, Alice.
You're strong.
The MAOA is the warrior gene, the serial killer gene.
-What? -No, no. Honey, that is a wonderful thing.
That means that maybe one of the kids has it.
Betty.
I'll bet Betty has it.
[Alice] And you're excited about this?
[Betty] Oh, my God, Jug.
My mom is worse than my dad.
She's been lying to me for my entire life.
To cover up what? That she has the gene?
God, what if that's not even the worst of it?
[cell phone ringing]
["It's About to Go Down" playing]
Hey. Hi, Vee.
[Veronica] Hey, Bee.
I got some rough news today, and I was wondering if you were around for a drink?
Or several?
Same, yeah. I can meet you at the Whyte Wyrm in like 30?
You're an angel.
♪ Your god he ain't no forgiver ♪
♪ That's right He's gonna burn you alive... ♪
[cell phone buzzing]
Hey, Betty. What's up?
Yeah, I'm down.
♪ It's about to go It's about to go down, down ♪
Remember in high school when I sponsored that kissing booth?
Well, now I'm cursed with the kiss of death.
Welcome to the sad superhero club, Ronnie.
Thank you for risking cocktail hour with the Spider Woman.
Of course, Vee.
And we're not in any danger from you. You would have an aura.
Still.
Sounds like we're all having a time of it.
Yeah. I mean, that's why I stopped microdosing Cheryl's palladium soup.
I was losing strength. Density.
All this means is that we have to find another way to beat Percival.
And I suppose we have Pickens the Perverse to thank for our respective afflictions?
We're not sure, Vee, because our powers started manifesting before he got to town.
We think the explosion in my bedroom triggered our powers.
Not that it matters much. The bottom line is I'm screwed.
I mean, I'm literally toxic.
If I touch someone or spit on them or cry on them, they die.
To add insult to injury, I'm facing a hostile takeover at work
while dealing with this acute health crisis,
and the worst part of all of this is that my last non-lethal kiss,
before Heraldo's death, was with backstabbing Reggie Mantle.
And now, for as long as I live,
that's going to be my last meaningful human contact.
How sad and awful is that?
Enough wallowing, though. Let's have another round.
-On me. -Ronnie, I'm, uh...
I'm good. I'm definitely feeling it.
Same, but I've-- How are you not tipsier, Vee?
You've had more shots than both of us put together.
Actually, now that you mention it...
I don't feel the alcohol at all.
[dramatic music playing]
[ominous music playing]
Your palladium is killing me. My hair is falling out.
I'm losing a ton of weight. Dr. Curdle said my symptoms suggest acute anemia.
Anemia.
That's interesting.
A diagnosis of anemia means the level of metals in your blood is non-existent,
which would account for your plummeting weight.
It's feasible the palladium has neutralized the other metals in your body,
compromising you.
I'm not wearing the palladium pendant anymore.
I dumped the rest of your soup, so why am I still weakening?
It could be at this point that...
you've poisoned your body and it's simply breaking down.
So, what can I do, Cheryl?
Replenish your iron-depleted system,
rebalance you humors, whilst I consult my medical texts.
[Alice] Hey. Did you have a fun night?
What the hell were you thinking lying about the serial killer gene, Mom?
What? No, I did not. And watch your tone with me, young lady.
You and Polly said that I was the only member of our family who had the gene,
but back in the day, Dad made you get tested,
and you have it too.
[tense music playing]
That-- That is absurd.
How about the fact that dad was grooming me
to be a murderer just like him?
Did you know?
No. Absolutely not.
That didn't happen, Betty.
Where is this coming from? Is this your--? Your persecution complex again?
Oh, my God.
Whatever.
I promise you, I will get to the truth, Mom.
[Cheryl] Raven-haired goddess.
Thank God you exist, Cheryl.
You're the only person I know who grows poisonous plants in their greenhouse.
As requested, I prepared an assortment for you.
Hemlock, nightshade, snakeroot, rosary peas, and white oleander.
These are perfect.
I wanna test a hunch,
that the toxins my body's producing are making me immune to other poisons.
There's no shame in having your stomach pumped.
I will have a private ambulance on standby.
Also, you wouldn't happen to have any books about spiders, would you?
But of course. How many would you like?
[Betty] Okay. Now that we've banged around in my subconscious,
it's time to excavate my mom's,
to find out what she knows about my core wound that I don't.
Uh...
I don't know if I feel super comfortable with that.
You have my permission.
This is like the equivalent of her reading my diary in high school.
She's hiding something big, Jug.
What if she saw proof that my dad was grooming me?
What if she knew that he was the Black Hood?
I'll do all the work and prompt her,
you just have to stand close enough to hear whatever shakes loose.
Excuse me. You can't just barge in here like this.
-We're about to go live. -What are you hiding about Dad?
I know it's something big, so why don't you just tell me?
What is the worst thing that has happened in our house
-that you've kept hidden from me? -I am not hiding anything.
You know everything about our family...
[Alice sobbing]
You need to leave now before I call security.
Come on. Come on. We got what we need.
[ominous music playing]
It's underneath the table.
Under the floorboards in the dining room.
It's where the truth is. Whatever your mom is hiding.
That's where we'll dig.
[cell phone ringing]
-It's Archie. Do you mind if I--? -Yeah. Of course.
Hey, Arch. Are you okay?
Okay. Um...
I'll be right there.
Looks like the past is gonna have to wait longer.
Is he all right?
Cheryl wants to talk to both of us about her new new plan.
Hopefully, it's better than palladium soup.
[slurping]
I continued to do some research in my archives
and came across an ancient spell of transmutation in an alchemy book.
Before you roll your eyes, ancient alchemists failed to create a formula
that could turn basic metals like lead or iron into gold.
But they did devise a spell that could turn gold into iron.
Not particularly useful until now.
Because, after all, what is palladium, but white gold?
How is this gonna help me?
If the spell was used on you,
it could potentially neutralize the palladium that has seeped into your body
by transmuting it into iron, the very iron your body craves.
Moreover, if I apply a certain amount of heat to your body,
the way the ancient alchemists did to metal, you could be forged.
"Forged"? Meaning...?
Strengthened.
Made impervious.
Perhaps even to palladium.
Well, then let's... Let's do it. Forge me now.
Whoa! Hold, hold. Well, hold on. Are there side effects to this spell?
Yes.
Since you are currently in a weakened state,
the heat needed for forging might kill you.
That's a pretty significant side effect.
-The palladium's already killing me. -True.
I'll do it.
But before we do, can Betty and I have one more night?
Of course.
I understand.
["Touch" playing]
♪ I feel you in my bones ♪
♪ Your kisses feel like home ♪
♪ With you, I never rush ♪
♪ This ain't no stupid crush ♪
♪ We don't even need to talk about it More love, less talk, more love ♪
♪ We don't even need to talk about it I like it when we talk ♪
♪ But I love it when we touch ♪
♪ I love it when we, when we, when we ♪
♪ I love it when we ♪
Are you sure about this?
There's only one way to find out, right?
[Cheryl] And how are we feeling today?
Same as when I killed that bottle of tequila.
No hangover, no ill effects.
So it's as you suspected. You are immune to poison.
-How marvelous. -Also...
according to this book you lent me,
however venomous spiders may be, they don't ever poison themselves.
And most spiders can control the amount of venom they secrete.
-At their own volition. -A-ha.
Meaning, mayhap, you can modulate the poison you secrete as well.
I think when I'm in a throes of passion, anger, lust, fear, despair,
and when my body's producing more endorphins, adrenaline-rushing...
that's when I'm my most dangerous.
So as long as you control your emotions,
you should be able to move throughout the world
without indiscriminately poisoning people?
What about kissing even dispassionately?
No. That's still very much a third rail.
Alas.
[ominous music playing]
♪ I've played with fire... ♪
Here. This belongs to you now.
♪ But I'm still here... ♪
You may be venomous, Veronica,
but you are also resilient.
Remember that.
♪ I am a survivor ♪
Hey, Mom?
I think it's time you tell me the truth.
[Alice] You, your sister, and I had just gotten back from apple-picking.
Your father sent you girls upstairs to watch cartoons.
And he needed help with something. And that was the something.
A deputy that had come around
to investigate your father's suspicious activities.
And wound up dead for his trouble.
Your father threatened to blame the murder on me if I didn't help him.
And I was terrified. I didn't wanna lose you and your sister.
I didn't want our family to implode,
so I helped him.
I wanna ask you again, Mom. Did you know Dad was grooming me?
Oh, honey.
You have to understand. You--
You were your dad's favorite. The two of you, you had this connection.
And I knew that he had darkness inside of him
[sobbing] and I guess deep down, I...
feared that he might...
try to cultivate that in you.
So you just wrote me off?
No, I knew that if the time came, that I could control it.
That I could control whatever impulses he was trying to...
manifest in you.
That I could undo his influence.
That I could save you.
I could keep him from nurturing whatever was inside of you.
What did you think that was, Mom?
Evil?
No.
We would just have to get past the crisis point.
And then I could-- I could fix it.
Wow.
[pensive music playing]
Wow, I finally understand why you were so...
controlling.
Or tried to be.
You were obsessed with me being perfect. The perfect daughter.
But with evil cultivating inside me.
-No. Don't say that. -Don't touch me.
-Betty-- -No, because you know what? Your--
Your plan?
It didn't work.
Because that evil...
it's still there.
Okay, Cheryl, how are we gonna do this?
Well, you read that alchemical spell whilst I manifest witch-fire inside you.
And pray that you survive. Ready?
[speaking in Greek]
-Do you feel anything yet? -No.
[continues speaking in Greek]
Archie. Are you all right?
Don't stop, Cheryl!
Okay.
[continues speaking in Greek]
[shouting]
[dramatic music playing]
[intercom beeps]
[Jay] Miss Lodge? Mr. Mantle is here to see you.
And voilà.
My first test at keeping cool.
Send him up, Jay.
I've almost finished my valuation presentation on Canva,
which should quell our shareholders' fears.
Doubt it. But I'll keep this short and sweet.
Either you sell the Babylonium, or we'll launch a hostile takeover.
You will take this casino from me over my cold, dead body.
Look. I didn't wanna go here.
We know you're sick, Ronnie.
What is it? Your kidneys?
-If only you knew. -Whatever.
You're weak.
Physically, emotionally, mentally.
You leave us no choice but to take you out.
It's for your own health.
And for the health of the casino.
[ominous music playing]
Your concern overwhelms me, Reggie.
And go ahead and try. It'll be a bloodbath.
Yours, not mine.
Now, leave. I have to get my presentation ready for tonight's shindig.
[Betty] Wait, why are you wearing that thing again?
Because I wanna show you something.
Archie.
Wow. Thank God.
It worked.
Cheryl's spell. Her pyrokinesis.
It forged me. Percival's palladium won't weaken me anymore.
[hopeful music playing]
Good evening, and welcome to the Babylonium.
[crowd cheering]
It is my distinct honor
to let you know that our casino's finances are healthier than ever.
Our projected income is trending upwards.
But more than that, I wanna take this opportunity
to dispel all rumors
that I have any interest in selling this casino.
Or that I'm operating at anything less than 110%.
Of health, of control,
of focus.
So get onboard with my vision or get ready for a fight to the death.
I also wanna give a special shout-out
to my two best friends, Archie Andrews and Betty Cooper,
who are here with me tonight
and who, earlier today...
gave me the last little boost I needed.
Bee, Archie. Is everything okay?
I'm getting ready for a shareholder's event.
Are you performing?
No. Just presenting.
I'm feeling more in control, but not particularly fab.
Well, that may change, because...
I have a crazy idea, and a solution for your last-kiss dilemma.
Archie is invulnerable again,
which means he's also immune to poison.
Kisses included.
You guys, I'm fine. You don't have to do this.
No, we know. But we love you,
and we wanna see you get your main character energy back.
-Besides, what are friends for? -We're in this together.
So, Archie, Betty...
this one's for you.
["Toxic" playing]
♪ Baby, can't you see I'm calling? ♪
♪ A guy like you should wear a warning ♪
♪ It's dangerous, I'm falling ♪
♪ There's no escape, I can't wait ♪
♪ I need a hit, baby, give me it ♪
♪ You're dangerous ♪
Well, what do you say, Ronnie?
For old times' sake?
Why the hell not?
♪ Too high, can't come down ♪
♪ Losing my head Spinning round and round ♪
♪ Do you feel me now? ♪
[cell phone buzzing]
♪ With the tastes of your lips I'm on a ride ♪
♪ You're toxic I'm slipping under ♪
♪ With the taste of a poison paradise ♪
♪ I'm addicted to you ♪
♪ Don't you know that you're toxic? ♪
♪ And I love what you do ♪
♪ Don't you know that you're toxic? ♪
[doorbell rings]
Heather?
Is that really you?
You called me. I came.
♪ You're toxic, I'm slipping under ♪
♪ With a taste of a poison paradise ♪
♪ I'm addicted to you ♪
♪ Don't you know that you're toxic? ♪
♪ With a taste of your lips I'm on a ride ♪
♪ You're toxic, I'm slipping under ♪
♪ With a taste of a poison paradise ♪
♪ I'm addicted to you ♪
♪ Don't you know that you're toxic ♪
♪ Intoxicate me now With your loving now ♪
♪ I think I'm ready now I think I'm ready now ♪
♪ Intoxicate me now With your loving now ♪
♪ I think I'm ready now ♪
[crowd cheering]
[theme music playing] now ♪